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Sometimes people come into your life when you need them the most. It might not occur to you then, but once you look back you can always say that, you couldn’t have coped with a certain situation without their presence. Namjoon could solidly attest to that.
He was just sixteen then, in his teens, high on hormones and dreams. He harboured so many childish fantasies and hopes; that he would be a great musician and live with his mother in a huge apartment overlooking the Seoul skyline, he was so oblivious and caught up in his head that he hadn’t foreseen the biggest turn to his life.
He had observed that his mother had gotten sick frequently in the last six months. But he had been so busy, dreaming of a grand future for him and his mother, that he overlooked the illness as being nothing serious. The obliviousness only lasted until the day he came home from school only to see his mother missing. The ajumma who had lived next door had patiently placated his frantic calls for his mother; he was informed that his mother was taken to the hospital as she had collapsed in the middle of the street, while on her way back from work.
He still remembers the stark white walls and the pungent smell of disinfectant in the hospital as if it were yesterday. He still remembers looking through the glass door and seeing his usually lively mother lying lifelessly on the bed with numerous tubes connected to her body. But the talk his young uncle was having with the doctor was muted to his ears by the dull beeping of the machine stationed by his mother.
He had stormed out of there with tears in his eyes only to bump into someone and making the person fall on their butt. He still wiping the tears from his eyes had offered a hand to help the person up mumbling a weak apology. He had been surprized to find a gummy bear placed in his outstretched palm instead. He looked at the strangers face only then came to face a boy around his age smiling softly at him with his cheeks puffed out. Who held his hand out and announced that his name was Seokjin.
Over the course of next 4 months he and Seokjin had formed a tight friendship. Namjoon had come to wait for the evening every day for he could then talk to Seokjin. It had somehow become Namjoon's only reprieve, the only part of Namjoon’s day where he didn’t feel burdened, guilty or sad.
Going to school had made him feel suffocated, he got so many looks of pity in the hallways and in the classroom, people acting more careful around him and not joking or talking to him like before had made him averse to the idea of school. Every single place and thing in his house reminded him of a time his mother was healthy and seemed to mock him that he couldn’t see her like that again. He would always cry standing at the same glass door and looking at his mother but not able to touch or talk to her.
Among all this he found Seokjin as an oasis in a desert. The older was always lively, cracking jokes and keeping the atmosphere light and comfortable. He would listen to Namjoon rant without a complaint; he could talk about anything and nothing at the same time with Namjoon. Seokjin could make Namjoon talk about his feelings and helped him cope with them and understand them. Seokjin didn’t see Namjoon with pity or sorry, he didn’t steer away from conversations just to make the younger feel better, he didn’t give the younger any leeway and always stood his ground on his opinions. He always treated Namjoon like a normal person, and not something which was Brocken or had to be careful with. Namjoon loved that the most about Seokjin that he treated him normally and cared for him always. Seokjin to him had become someone much closer than a friend a constant source of support which helped him so much in the tumultuous time.
Namjoon still remembers the shock he had when the doctors announced that his mother was no more. But somewhere he was feeling a little light knowing that she no longer had to endure the ache in her body and the pain of all the machines; he believed she had left for a better place. But it still hurt him that his dream of him and his mother living a happy life could never be fulfilled. He had hugged Seokjin so hard as he wept remembering all the time he had spent with his mother. He had stayed with Seokjin till late into the night.
If anyone asked him how he braved the loss of his only close family he still says it wouldn’t have been possible if not for the help he got and the soothing presence he had all throughout…
The funeral was a small affair with only his uncle, a few of his neighbours, his mother’s colleagues from the office where she used to work as a clerk and himself.
He still painfully remembers his sprint to the hospital, to say one last goodbye to Seokjin before he left for Seoul with his uncle; only to not find him anywhere. He had cried throughout his journey to Seoul.
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He now sits at the bar nursing his 2nd drink thinking about all the events of the past. He did pursue his dream of music, he along with his friend Yoongi worked their asses off and own their own production studio. He did manage to carve a name for himself in music industry, he owns not one but many different apartments all around the world overlooking the most beautiful skylines, but he can never say he really achieved his dream… his dream always was to have a prosperous, wealthy and happy life with his family.
He doesn’t get where he failed, as none of his relationships seem to work out, he doesn’t get it …
Is he not able to let his defences down for another person or is he still hung up on the past thinking and wishing for a future that will never be.
Yet here he is drinking in a bar after his boyfriend of 8 months dumped him. He is contemplating on truly giving up.., when he hears the squeaky laughter above the slow jazz music, a sound he used to know so well in the past. He gets down from the bar, moving towards the sound trying not to hope and expect too much cause it’ll hurt again in case he is wrong.
He freezes in place, when his eyes lock on the familiar boy with the bread cheeked smile. He can make out the precise point when Seokjin sees him as he also seems to freeze in the middle of his sentence as he stares at Namjoon. In the next second Seokjin is out of his booth mumbling excuses to people around him. Seokjin saunters his way to stand in front of him, his shoulders seemed to have broadened more and his face looks a little mature but the playful glint in his eyes and the easy charm that he possess are still the same.
He seems to have decided to follow his father’s footsteps, if the white coat cleanly folded on his forearm with his name clearly printed on it is anything to go by.
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It’s safe to say Namjoon achieved his dream of a happy comfortable life with his family, sitting next to Seokjin and their 2 adopted kids.
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