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There was something so special about the way Phil had felt in Dan's arms, something so special about the way he felt peaceful and contented to just lie with a man he'd already spent almost 11 years in the arms of.
Something so special about how his stomach still felt like mush when he put his chin up on Dan’s chest so that he could look at him, look at the way his eyes were flashing with the motion of the TV, and the slight movement of his shoulder as he played with Phil’s hair gently.
To be honest, the butterflies never really went away with Dan Howell. His past relationships had always become friendships in the end, no matter how long he was with them.
But not with Dan, with him Phil still felt like the most important person in Dan’s life, and Dan didn’t hesitate to tell him that.
With Dan, Phil felt something so unusual and rare, something story books and movies could never prepare him for, something he knew he could never let go of.
They were told the honeymoon phase would end, that soon enough they would become sick of each other’s constant company, that they would stop feeling all the mushy feelings that made them feel like they were floating on little clouds.
It's been eleven years now. And in a way this were true, in a way it changed, but never once did they feel tired of each other. Never once did the absolute love-sick feeling they feel for each other subside. Never once did they wish to be away from each other.
Home is a funny concept. Phil used to think it was somewhere he lived, some place he grew up in, but over the years he had come to realise what it really meant to him.
Home isn’t a place, home isn’t where you happened to be born, home isn’t the apartment you live in or whatever objects are in your house.
Home is right here. Home is staring at Dan's pale skin and tossed hair, as his head laid on a pillow and turned towards the TV. Home is laying on his chest, feeling the slight tug on his scalp as Dan’s hands combed their way through it and the soft hum of his heart as it beats in the same rhythm as Phil's own.
Home is with Dan. Wherever Dan is, Phil will be. As they grow old, as they kiss for the last time, as they spend eternity in their own afterlife. One they will create for themselves. Just for them.
Home is forever infinite for Phil. Home will never end.
They won’t let it.