Chapter Text
~London
It’s an extremely slow day; hands-down the slowest Harry has seen since he started working here at the outdoor adventure shop nearly a year ago to ensure he had something to keep him busy over summer hols while he contemplated taking a gap year. He finally decided to defer for a year and postpone going to uni which gave Harry the time and solace he needed to spend time behind his camera and better think through what he actually wants to do with his life. All of that was going pretty well for him until about a week ago when a letter showed up at his house reminding him of the coming semester and inquiring if he plans to attend this year.
He sighs as he wedges the crinkled, unanswered letter from his back pocket. He has no idea why he is carrying it around with him. It’s not like keeping the source of his anxiety with him at all times is helping him decide between going to uni as is expected of him or finally admitting that he simply has no interest in doing that.
Mostly, he carries the letter around because secretly, he’s hoping for some sort of a sign; something outside of himself to nudge him in one direction or another. As far as cosmic signs of fate go, Harry doesn’t have much experience. He has never seen or felt one before, but he believes in them. There’s no doubt he would be able to recognize the universe or God giving him a helpful nudge.
The bell over the shop door rings for the first time all day, startling Harry out of all thoughts about uni and the letter that keeps him up at night. Discreetly, he tucks it back into his pocket to focus on the petite man now walking around the front of the shop, venturing first to view the different skis and then over to the surfboards. He floats around to different items on the shelves for quite some time looking a little overwhelmed with so much to choose from. Harry knows he’s lost for sure when he reaches for a child-sized snowboard meant for someone about half his size.
“Er- Hello,” Harry greets him, leaving his side of the shop to go assist the lost customer who turns out to also be quite beautiful once Harry is standing closer to him. “Anything I can help you with?”
Very rarely do customers actually need Harry to do anything besides ring them up at the end of their visit. Most of their customers are regulars that Harry doesn’t get to interact with much. However, he is pleasantly surprised when the man perusing their extensive selection of climbing rope flashes him a smile.
“I really must not look like I belong in here.”
His laugh is breathy and soft, effortlessly pulling a chuckle out of Harry too. “Er- Sure you do,” Harry insists. “You fit right in with the happy sky-diving couple,” Harry says, pointing at the tropical poster hanging above them featuring a big parachute and a pair of airbrushed abs.
Just as Harry hoped, he succeeds in making the man snort a fresh laugh.
“Yeah, right,” the man says at the idea of hurling himself out of a plane. “I’m going big for this holiday, but I wouldn’t be caught dead-”
Harry blinks at the man, expecting him to finish his sentence but all he does is sport a dark, amused grin.
“What?” Harry asks, clearly missing the punch line somehow.
“Oh, nothing,” the man says, still smirking with no signs of letting Harry in on the joke just yet. “Yes, by the way,” he smiles, making a small crease appear between Harry’s eyebrows. “To your question from before. You asked if I could use some help, and I could, so.”
“Oh. Of course,” Harry chuckles, rolling his eyes at himself. “I’m sorry. My name is Harry,” he introduces himself to get this conversation back on track. “You mentioned a holiday before. What can I help you find?”
“I don’t know. Anything; everything, I guess,” the man laughs with a shrug of his shoulders. His eyes look tired after doing so, though the rest of his expression remains bright as ever.
Helping someone shop for everything is quite the task. It’s also probably not what the customer meant. He probably just has an overwhelming list of items to get so it only seems like he needs to buy everything.
“What sorts of activities will you be doing on your holiday? Hiking? Snowboarding? Scuba diving?”
“Yes!” the man answers, clarifying when Harry frowns again in confusion. “I’m probably going to be doing all three. Plus some others. Like I said, I don’t really have a full agenda just yet.”
Harry bites down on a grin, unsure if the man is joking or not. He looks serious is the thing.
“What kind of holiday is this again?” he checks because right now it sounds like it is taking place somewhere made up.
“It’s my deathday trip,” the man answers as casually as if he just told Harry the weather.
“Sorry, a what?”
“You heard me right,” he chuckles. “I’m celebrating my deathday. It’s like a birthday, except instead of remembering the day I was born, I’ll be celebrating the day I’m going to die.”
“Which will be...?” Harry snorts.
“The twenty-fourth of December. Coincidentally, that is also the date I was born, but I think that just shows symmetry, you know?”
Now, Harry is certain he is being joked with. “Right.” And here Harry was thinking today was going to be just another boring day. “And how exactly do you know this?”
“Because I chose the date,” he grins as if it should be obvious.
The man seems so sure and confident in his claim that Harry starts to fear that he isn’t joking; that this man knows he is going to die on the day before Christmas because he’s going to ensure that it happens.
“Y-You don’t have to do this. Please,” Harry begs. “Whatever it is that’s upsetting you or feels hard right now, believe me, removing yourself from the equation is not the answer.”
The man blinks back at Harry’s adamant tone, his eyes softening to a lighter blue while his eyes crinkle up in amusement. “Well, Harry, I couldn’t agree more,” he smiles. “The only thing being removed from any equation that day is the pesky glioma growing right about here,” he says, pointing at his left temple and confusing Harry even more. “Brain tumor. I’m having surgery to try and remove it,” the man explains and suddenly things start making more sense. Sort of.
Harry breathes a sigh of relief and allows himself to deflate realizing his customer isn’t thinking suicide. However, he’s still greatly concerned.
“But... they’re operating,” Harry infers. “They’re going to take it out.”
“Uh, no. I said they’re going to try and take it out,” he corrects Harry. “Long story short is some tumors are easy to reach and some aren’t. I’ve got a stubborn one and if it is even able to be removed despite extremely low odds, the chances of me and my brain walking away unharmed are even lower.”
That sounds... hard. And, severely unfair.
Harry doesn’t know this man. They’ve barely known each other ten minutes, and already Harry knows he doesn’t deserve this. No one does. He’s too young; too beautiful, bright, and shiny. And yet, somehow there’s a carefree smile on his face.
“It’s inoperable,” Harry whispers mostly because it sounds like a cruel joke.
“It’s inoperable,” the man confirms, his eyes still exhausted, but his grin still in place. “But, there’s a new experimental surgery that may work. Or, it may not. It’ll probably kill me, but so will leaving the tumor where it is, so really, I’ve got nothing to lose. Hence my big deathday holiday,” he beams. “I’m already doomed, I might as well go out with a bang.”
That seems... morbid. Harry can’t believe the man isn’t freaking out about the fact that in six months he’s going to have a piece of his brain cut out and he might not wake up from it. Harry would be freaking out. He definitely wouldn’t be in an outdoor adventure shop planning a vacation as a fuck you to death. That just shows how much more resilient this man is compared to him. He may be the boldest and bravest person Harry has ever met.
“I’m so sorry...?”
“Louis,” the man fills in for him. “And don’t be. I’m about to see the world. I’m going to visit cool places and climb mountains. I may even skydive shirtless over an active volcano,” he jokes, glancing at the photoshopped poster above him, the sudden movement making him so unsteady on his feet that he grabs Harry’s forearm for balance.
He lets go almost immediately, his cheeks a ripe pink shade as he winces up at Harry. “Sorry about that. I feel lightheaded sometimes which is funny. You’d think a bloody tumor would carry more weight, but, nope.”
It is funny. Harry can’t help but crack a smile, it’s so funny. However, it isn’t enough to distract Harry from the fact that Louis’ dream of adventure and globe-trotting may be more difficult than he thinks. It’s hard to imagine Louis climbing mountains and skydiving when looking up too quickly makes him woozy.
“So, you’re going on a six-month holiday.”
“Deathday holiday. And, yep. That’s the plan,” Louis grins once he has recovered and he looks less nauseous.
“Alone?” Harry asks after a beat, immediately regretting doing so when Louis fondly rolls his eyes.
“You think I’m going to die mid-hike, don’t you?” Harry furiously shakes his head even though Louis’ assumption is spot on. “You do because you’re giving me the exact same look my doctors and my family gave me when I pitched the idea to them,” Louis snorts. “It’s okay to think I’m insane. Most people do.”
“Most people also think they have more than six months to live life to the fullest, so throwing yourself a big party makes sense.”
Louis’ expression brightens even more upon hearing Harry say that. “YESSS! Finally someone who gets it!” he exclaims. “I mean, who wants to sit around moping when you could be sipping drinks on a beach somewhere?”
“I can’t lie, that does sound pretty amazing,” Harry admits. He’d trade work for shoreside drinks any day.
“It will be. You’re welcome to come with. But, be warned, mate, I do not share margaritas. You’re on your own there. Other than that, we should get along great. And besides, someone’s got to keep me away from the volcanoes.”
Harry snorts a laugh at Louis, only realizing Louis was being serious when he doesn’t laugh along.
“Wait...” Harry frowns. “You didn’t mean... I mean- You’re not suggesting that I-”
“Come with me? Well, yeah. Unless of course you’re not interested.”
A holiday would be incredible. He often stands right here in this shop daydreaming of this very scenario; a once in a lifetime getaway where none of Harry’s troubles can follow. That isn’t reality of course. At least not for him. He has this job that he took specifically to save money and keep out of trouble. And then of course there’s the note that he’s suddenly hyper aware of sitting heavy in his back pocket. He has already taken one unexpected gap year. He can’t take another. Or rather, he shouldn’t.
“Let’s just focus on you and all the gear you’ll need for now,” Harry grins, politely declining Louis’ offer to gallivant across the world together. It’s a lovely dream. It would’ve also made a pretty good reality had Harry actually said yes; a point driven home even more with Louis’ shrugged ‘suit yourself’.
From then on, all discussion about Louis and his holiday are focused on just that; Louis and his holiday. That makes it much easier for Harry to help him shop for boots he can hike in and thick socks that won’t leave his feet feeling like ice cubes after a couple of hours in the snow. Louis plans to swim over the great barrier reef, walk The Great Wall, meet an elephant, a penguin, and a polar bear. He says he wants to do all the things he loves, all the things he has never done, and all the things he never would’ve tried if not for his very tight timeline. It sounds like it will be a lot for him to get through in just six short months, but he’s determined to do it and to have fun the entire time. Surprisingly, he still seems to think Harry would be instrumental in achieving those goals, so he tries baiting him into tagging along one last time.
“Okay fine. I will think about splitting one margarita with you. Final offer,” he proposes as Harry finishes ringing up all his purchases and bagging them.
“How kind of you,” Harry snorts. “Thanks, but again, no thanks. This is your once in a lifetime trip, remember? Not mine.”
Harry hands Louis a bag filled with his new adventure gear. He accepts it as well as Harry’s choice to stay put.
“Alright, alright. I’ll go. You have a fun summer here with all your exciting customers,” Louis tells him, with a glance around the empty shop. “Goodbye, Harry. It was nice to meet you.”
“You too,” Harry says, and he means that. Chatting with Louis is the most fun he has had in a long time. He hardly even thought about uni, the letter, his possible photography career, or any of the shit constantly bouncing around his mind. He simply forgot about it. Almost like magic. The thought of having that kind of peace and clarity more often is almost too tempting to pass up. If anything, having less to worry about would give him space to really think about his future and where he wants to end up in his life. And, most importantly, Harry did ask for a sign. If Louis waltzing in here and offering him the trip of a lifetime isn’t a sign from the Gods then he doesn’t know what is.
It is that, the idea of an epic gap year, and the thought of getting to know someone he already thinks the world of are what finally get to Harry and make him call out to Louis just as he’s reaching the exit.
“When are you leaving?” Harry asks, making Louis freeze with his right hand on the door. “For your holiday, I mean,” Harry clarifies. “When do you fly out?”
Louis turns to face him sporting a huge triumphant smirk. “Why?” he asks. “You interested in blowing off this place?” It’s crazy and random and potentially one of the most spontaneous and questionable things Harry has ever done besides randomly deciding to take his first gap year. And yet, none of that makes him any less inclined to do it.
“Yeah, I’m interested,” he smiles back.
----
Spending the last year working at an outdoor adventure shop sure comes in handy for Harry when he packs up his life into two duffle bags two weeks after meeting Louis Tomlinson. He still can’t believe that in just a few hours, the two of them will be off to Rome; their first stop in a long list of destinations. Letting that sink in hasn’t been an easy process mostly because this whole thing was so unexpected, and not just for Harry.
“Love, are you sure this is a good idea?” his mother asks where she’s perched at the foot of his bed watching him deliberate between packing his standard camera lens or his 22mm wide angle.
“Everything’s going to be fine, mum. You worry too much,” he tells her as he decides on taking both lenses just to be on the safe side. Once they’re packed, he notices his mother eyeing him with concern.
“I have a right to be worried, you know. I know that you’re taking time for yourself. You’re still figuring things out, and you using this holiday to do that is a great opportunity, but...”
Harry sits down next to her now that everything is packed and he’s officially ready to go. “But, what?” he asks even though he knows full well what’s bothering her about this spur of the moment decision he made.
“It’s not just you I’m thinking about,” she admits. “I worry about you traveling the world with someone you barely know and who is so ill.”
As much as Harry wishes Louis and his tumor weren’t a point of concern, it is. After agreeing to Louis’ deathday holiday, even Harry started having second thoughts. However, after talking to Louis about his concerns and even getting reassurance from Louis’ doctors, Harry feels much better. He now knows more about Louis, his limitations, and his stubbornness to accept them sometimes. He now knows what to do and who to contact in case of an emergency. Generally, he feels like he knows what he’s getting himself into which has given him great peace of mind. His mother isn’t quite there yet. After meeting Louis a few days ago, she seemed more at ease about them taking off together, but she’s still a mum. She’s Harry’s mum, which is why Harry does his best to reassure her the same way Louis reassured him.
“He’s not dead yet,” Harry grins, echoing Louis’ exact words. What Louis failed to mention is the fact that he may not be dead come December either. Louis may very well pull through his surgery and be fine. Harry hopes so anyway. “He’s going to be fine and I’m going to be fine,” Harry assures his mother with a grin. “And, if something does happen, we’ll look out for each other. We promised.”
Harry never goes back on his word. He hasn’t known Louis for long, but he seems the type to keep his word too. Really, that’s all Harry can ask for in this arrangement.
The sun is just starting to set by the time Harry arrives at the airport to meet Louis with his mum and his duffle bags in tow. He doesn’t have to look very hard to locate his travel partner. He’s the man toting two large bags of his own and surrounded by more than a dozen people all clamoring to hug and kiss him goodbye.
Louis spots him and grins over his sister’s shoulder, fondly rolling his eyes as he’s squeezed tight around the middle. It’s a long time before he is released, but as soon as he is, he is grabbed by yet another family member and hugged as tight as possible. He manages to wiggle free, mouthing a grateful ‘thank you’ when Harry’s arrival steals some of the spotlight.
“Hello!” Harry greets everyone, realizing too late that the vibe isn’t as chipper as Harry currently is. He assumes a lot of that is due to the fact that they’re here to send Louis off rather than going with him. Or, better yet, making him stay here.
It’s understandable why they’d want to keep Louis around. Harry has only known him two weeks and he’s already overly fond of him and his company. He can’t help but think how lucky all these people are to have known Louis his whole life.
Even though Harry is a newcomer to the group, he receives hugs and well-wishes for their trip too. By the time he has gone through everyone including his mum, it’s time for him and Louis to go.
“I hate to end the love fest, but it’s getting late and we’ve got bags to check and security to get through,” Louis says, triggering another wave of hugs from his aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, and all six of his siblings. Louis smiles and laughs the whole time he’s passed around like a human pillow, assuring everyone that he’ll be back before they even start to miss him. And, that he’ll call and text enough to annoy the living hell out of them. Harry has no doubt that every one of Louis’ loved ones is going to hold him to that promise.
Once the two of them manage to finally leave their big farewell party, moving through the airport and to their terminal goes much faster than they were anticipating. The sky is still bright orange and pink by the time they are boarding the plane.
Louis releases a long, weary sigh once he’s settled into his seat next to the window, seemingly able to relax now that they aren’t in such a hurry.
“Better?” Harry asks, prompting the corner of Louis’ lips to raise in a smirk.
“Yeah, loads,” he answers. “Especially now that I’m free of the mob.”
Harry assumes he means their families. Particularly, Louis’ family who probably would’ve stood there all night telling Louis how much they love him if Louis would’ve allowed it.
“Aww, I think it’s great you’re all so close. It’s sweet,” Harry grins only for Louis to fondly roll his eyes.
“It’s not. They’re just covering their bases in case I croak on this trip.”
“Th- That’s a joke, right? You’re joking?” Harry chuckles, not really seeing the comedy in Louis croaking on him mid-holiday. Considering they are about to embark on the biggest adventure of their lives together, he better be joking. Though, the amused shrug Louis gives in answer isn’t exactly comforting. Neither is the ‘Maybe’ he chirps a beat later.
Harry can still feel himself frowning, trying to mentally calculate the likelihood of Louis actually dying on this trip when a voice comes over the plane’s speaker system to remind everyone to shut off their phones. Harry’s has been vibrating nonstop ever since he announced to his friends and family that he was leaving for a few months. As expected, he has received dozens of messages wishing him safe travels since the last time he checked his phone. But, also, an email from his university expressing their disappointment about him prolonging his enrollment even further.
He can’t explain why, but knowing that he only gets two rainchecks on starting uni before his acceptance is withdrawn and they fill his spot makes his chest feel tight. That means that this is really it. This time next year, he will be touring his new campus rather than touring around the world. Unless of course, he ultimately decides against uni altogether, which also makes his chest feel tight because if that’s the case, he’s been wasting all this time going back and forth in his head about something that doesn’t even matter.
“Sir? Your phone, please,” a voice says above Harry, causing him to jump a bit from the proximity.
“Sorry,” Harry apologizes to the stewardess as he fumbles to close out his email and turn off his phone.
He sighs in relief once his phone goes black; partly because he’s no longer being eyed by members of the cabin crew for not following instructions, but mostly because with his phone off, there’s nothing to remind him of uni and the fact that he’s not currently there.
“So, Manchester, eh?” Louis comments, causing Harry to jump a second time because he had no idea Louis was paying attention to him this whole time.
Harry tries to play it off with a grin, but it must look so tight that he appears more anxious than anything else.
“Well, you look chuffed,” Louis chuckles, rolling his eyes at Harry’s surprised ‘really?’. “No,” Louis snorts. “You look fucking miserable. What’s up?”
“It’s nothing,” Harry shakes his head, but Louis doesn’t buy it, quirking an eyebrow at him just as the cabin crew begins demonstrating emergency protocol.
“If you say so,” Louis mumbles just loud enough to goad Harry into sharing soon after.
“I already took a gap year. That’s why I was working at the shop. Now, here I am taking another and it’s the last one I get, so I’m essentially fucked after this. I need to start working on this photography degree or I’m never going to have one, AND I still can’t even decide if I want to go to uni in the first place so I'm double fucked,” Harry finishes in one big rush of air as Louis just blinks at him.
He and Louis have only known each other for a little while, so all of that might have been too much. Harry hasn’t expressed his fears about his decision time running out to anyone besides Louis, so he’s having trouble interpreting Louis’ fond grin.
“What? What did I say?” Harry asks as the cabin lights dim and the plane begins to roll back from the jetway. Something he said must’ve been funny for Louis to look at him like that. But, whatever it was, Louis doesn’t say. He just continues grinning to himself as he stares out the window until the dark grey tarmac becomes bright orange sky.