Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Two years.

For some, two years go by in the blink of an eye.

For others, two years seem to drag on.

For Seungwoo, the past two years felt like they would never end. 

- - -


Months of late nights at the studio have left him sleepless now that his solo promotions have ended, and he resigns himself to staring at the ceiling until sleep claims him.

As the candlelight flickers through his room, his thoughts wander to the past two years of his life.


- - -

2018

Some people think it’s hard to say no to others. Clearly they’ve never been asked to promote the song that could potentially be the end to their careers. But they didn't have much choice.

With a heavy heart, they powered through three weeks of promotions with only uncertainty awaiting them at the end of it. 


2019

Ten months into their blank period, he and Byungchan decided to take the plunge and joined the infamous audition program.

He worked hard, dancing through the pain of past injuries that haunted him.

At the end of it, he found a new home - albeit temporary - and a fresh start.


2020 

Seungwoo lost his new home at the start of the year. Following that, the company announced that he would be rejoining VICTON promotions. 

And if he were to be completely honest, Seungwoo was afraid of going back.

Not because he didn’t want to. But he couldn’t help feeling this way, not after seeing everything he worked so hard for crumble in front of his eyes twice.

Not when the other members have been exceeding expectations without him - taking home wins for the group, holding solo concerts and even overseas fan meetings.

He felt guilty. He felt like he didn’t deserve to ride on their success when he wasn’t able to be a part of it (he definitely thinks leaving a video message is far from contributing)

So he started shying away from the camera, being visibly quieter during lives and trying to let the other members shine. 


- - -


But time after time, his members have proved him wrong - that no matter what has happened, he was still their much loved eldest brother.

It was clear that they caught on to his uneasiness early on by the way they always hyped him up - even if he was just standing there. They gently encouraged him to leave a message for fans during their lives, asking him for questions and opinions. They always included him in their conversations. 

There was Chan and Hanse, who look to him when they need help with lyrics, rap making and choreography. 

Sejun, who has more aegyo than the entire company combined and cutely nags at him to eat his meals regularly and to drink more water.

Subin, who never fails to put a smile on his face by simply existing. (he also strongly stands by the fact that Subin is cute, not cool, which earns him a loud “hyung!!!!!” in his general direction)

Byungchan, who supports Seungwoo in his own ways - leaving comments in between drama filming, sharing his songs on Instagram, sending coffee trucks even.

And then there was Seungsik, his other half who's been with him for as long as he can remember

Seungsik, who stepped up to take over his role as leader.

Seungsik, who drops off a coffee and yogurt at the studio when he knows Seungwoo is pulling another all-nighter.

Seungsik, who pulls the kids away to get food when he senses Seungwoo getting overwhelmed by their attention.

Seungsik, who willingly took on more roles and tasks  if it meant could Seungwoo take time off to work on his own music.


- - -


As a yawn takes over, he smiles inwardly. 

Slowly but surely, he knows he’ll be able to be comfortable being himself again. 




They were the light at the end of his tunnel.

Everything was going to be okay now.

Chapter Text

03:58

Neon green numbers stared back at Subin as he sat up on his bed for the third time that night. 

He was tired - dead tired. But no matter what he did he just couldn’t fall asleep.

Finishing the matcha latte from Seungsik-hyung at the practice room was a bad idea, he grumbled inwardly. (meanwhile, said hyung was probably sound asleep on Seungwoo’s large comfy bed)

Sighing again, he looked over at his other roommate sprawled out on his bed like a starfish.


- - -


Not even two seconds later, Sejun woke up with a groan due to Subin’s unannounced landing on top of him.

“Subinnie?” 

“Hyungie… can’t sleep...” Subin mumbled into Sejun’s chest as he wriggled around, trying to make himself comfortable. 

He felt a soft rumble as Sejun let out a sleepy chuckle, before proceeding to maneuver Subin into a more comfortable position beside him.

“What do you want to do? Should we play a round of Among Us?” 

“Mmmmh..” Subin made a little noise of disagreement as he shook his head. “Sing me to sleep hyung”

There was another rumble as Sejun laughed again. 

“Alright, you big baby.”

Pleased with himself, Subin snuggled further into his favourite hyung’s embrace and he closed his eyes as the first of Sejun’s lullaby began. 


“Your warm voice that called out to me”

“My love, let’s go to sleep now”

“I’ll hold both your hands as we fall asleep” 


With Sejun’s hands combing through his hair, along with his soft voice resonating through the dark room, Subin found himself sound asleep in a matter of minutes.


“Hey you, who shines like a star

“I’ll look at your pretty face as we fall asleep”


Pressing a kiss to the little lavender bundle in his arms, it was Sejun’s turn to fall asleep. 


“Good night Subinnie, sweet dreams.”

Chapter Text

Seungsik is feeling the jitters. 

It’s their first award show in their entire careers, of course he’d be nervous … right ?

Right , Seungsik thinks. He’s nervous because of the awards show. No biggie, everyone’s feeling it too. 

Then why does he feel like something isn't fitting right today? 

He quickly walks over to the mirror to adjust his outfit - tugging on the sash across his jacket until he’s somewhat satisfied. 

Once he’s done, he shoves the remaining nervousness aside and goes back to playing Among us with Sejun and Subin. Everything is going to be fine, he tells himself. 

--- 

“Guys, we’re up in fifteen!” Seungwoo calls out from the corridor as he finishes his discussion with their managers. 

Seungwoo’s cue brings all of Seungsik’s anxiety crashing back onto him. 

As the stylists buzz around the room fixing accessories and touching up makeup, Seungsik makes a beeline straight to the mirror (again). 

“I definitely ate too much yesterday..” Seungsik mumbles to himself, pinching his waist to try and tighten the sash, before wriggling around while figuring out if his pants were the issue instead. 

Only this time, Seungwoo catches on. Nothing escapes Seungwoo, not when he’s known Seungsik for almost 10 years. It was the fifth time he’s seen Seungsik walk over to the mirror in the last 20 minutes and that was definitely not normal. 

Seungwoo walks over to Seungsik’s side, gently placing his hand on his waist where the Victon Diary cameras couldn’t reach. 

“Sikie? Is everything okay?” 

Seungsik jumps at the sudden voice (and hand on his waist), only sighing when he realises it was just Seungwoo. 

“Y- Yeah, everything’s fine hyung. Just adjusting the sash to make it more comforta-” 

Seungsik was cut off by Seungwoo tugging on his arm and into one of the changing booths. 

---

“Sikie, tell me the truth. There’s something bothering you and I’m not letting you out until you tell me what’s wrong.”

Seungsik opens his mouth to deny it, but the look in Seungwoo’s eyes says he meant every word he just said and he was not going to be able to weasel his way out of it. 

“I- I don’t know hyung, I’m just … not feeling myself I guess? I know one late night snack won’t affect anything but I’m just not feeling right in these clothes … The sash and the pants feel too tight and I just don’t think I look good in this … What if the pants rip during our stage? It’s our first awards show, we - I can’t fuck this up. The kids have been waiting for this day for years and.. more so for me and… and especially for you.”

Seungsik’s voice drops to a whisper as he finally puts his worries into words. It’s been eating at him since lunch but he just couldn’t find it in himself to say it until Seungwoo forced it out of him. 

Large hands rub circles into his palms comfortably, a sign telling him that Seungwoo was listening and understanding everything he was trying to say. 

“Sikie.. Trust me when I say you look absolutely amazing. Besides, you’ve been working so hard at the gym and maintaining your diet that there’s no way you haven’t gained any muscle. It’s perfectly normal for your clothes to fit tighter.”

Grabbing both his hands, it’s Seungwoo’s turn to whisper. “I know you’ve been trying your best to get to where you are right now Sikie, and I want you to know that  I’m so proud of you. Thank you.. and I’m sorry for making you worry. Let’s go get our award, hm?”

---

The stylists hurriedly fuss over Seungsik and Seungwoo with less than 2 minutes to spare after they emerged from the changing booth, and GodDo had to herd them to backstage running. 

As they waited for their cue to go up on stage, Seungsik felt two hands grab at his - Seungwoo and Subin, while Chan and Sejun’s hand made themselves home on his shoulders. The 97s’ settled for putting their hands on his head, but he didn’t mind. 

He had his whole world behind his back, their firm touches keeping him grounded. 

And suddenly, he felt like he could take on the world. 

--- 

“Firstly, we are VICTON… ”

You know what, maybe he was still a little nervous.