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He’s not blind nor oblivious. He is very aware that Soonyoung had been distant lately.
Jihoon doesn't realize it at first. He didn't give too much thought on why Soonyoung doesn't visit his studio anymore except when recording or they have to check on some music to coordinate with the choreo. He thinks that maybe, it's just like that and maybe he's just used with Soonyoung's presence that he doesn't care much. But lately, Jihoon feels strange. No loud and cheerful "Jihoonie!" can be heard from the other when he comes to his studio, just simple "hey" or "what are we going to work on?" are the greetings he received. Still, he doesn't want to give too much thought to it. Maybe Soonyoung has something going on and he feels like distancing or detaching himself from the members, except he doesn't. Because Jihoon can clearly see how Soonyoung have been too attached to Wonwoo and Jeonghan the last few weeks.
Jeonghan is a really good hyung to Soonyoung so he understands why the latter loves to hangout with the older. Jeonghan can be a pain in the ass (no pun intended) but he's a really good conversationalist and Soonyoung feels comfortable sharing his burdens with him. However, with Wonwoo, Jihoon somehow feels uneasy. Sure, Wonwoo is Soonyoung's bestfriend and all so of course they'll be really close but their attachment lately was something. It irks Jihoon to the point that when Wonwoo was recording his part he had subtly scolded him, and yeah Jihoon felt petty afterwards and apologized. He just can't forget that one time when Soonyoung admitted being attracted to Wonwoo in a not so friendly way.
Okay, for the record both Jihoon and Soonyoung know that there is something between them it's just that no one really dared to take it to the next level and finally make it official. Guess they were just a pair of cowards who can't put label on the "something" that they have. Now Jihoon just feels awful and want to talk it out with Soonyoung but again, he's a coward. Did Soonyoung lost his feelings along the way? Did he grew tired of not having a proper label on whatever kind of relationship he has with Jihoon? Or simply, Soonyoung probably realized that liking Wonwoo is better than liking him.
Jihoon wants to cry at that realization because god he likes Soonyoung so much but not courageous enough to build a proper relationship.
It's early in the morning when Jihoon sees the list of photoshoot sets they have to do for the day. Solo, unit and otp are the sets they usually have to do. Jihoon is actually fine with whoever they pair with him on the otp set, but his eyes stung upon seeing who's gonna be with Soonyoung and he knows he's not fine. Hoshi - Wonwoo.
"Hey , Ji it's our turn now." Seungcheol nudged Jihoon from his stupor. It was their turn after Soonyoung and Wonwoo's and he doesn't know if he actually wants to see them walking out the set together. Well he doesn't know if he's lucky because he doesn't see them walking out but rather, he sees them smiling happily while their photos are being taken.
"Ya hyung you said it was our turn but those two are not done yet." Jihoon told Seungcheol who just shrugged it off. "I just thought maybe you wanna see Soonyoung." Jihoon scoffed at that. Of course he does want to see Soonyoung but not with someone else. Not with Wonwoo and the both of them smiling happily and naturally.
Jihoon had no choice but to watch the two until they finish. When Wonwoo walks out of the set, he spots Jihoon and smiles at him. He smiled back but he thinks that his smile probably looked like he's constipated. Soonyoung walks after Wonwoo, not giving Jihoon a single glance and just walked straight to the dressing room. Jihoon flinched at the pain he feels in his heart when Soonyoung just easily ignores him.
Photoshoots after photoshoots drained the energy out of them as it drained Jihoon's heart because damn, why does Soonyoung and Wonwoo always have to be together for their otp sets? To be honest, Jihoon does feel pathetic being jealous over Wonwoo but he can't help it. Not after Soonyoung's attention has been taken away from him without any word from the guy himself.
He only got his little consolation after seeing the new list of otp sets for their Japan Dome Tour. Hoshi - Woozi. He felt giddy just by seeing the list because finally, he will feel Soonyoung's warmth beside him again. Seungcheol yet again teased him but he's probably happier to be with Jeonghan who is just as happy to be with his boyfriend. However, he feels sorry for himself afterwards. They finished their part quickly, with no words from Soonyoung nor the warmth that he was expecting. Jihoon is definitely frustrated now. He can see Soonyoung happily chatting with the rest of the members while back-hugging Wonwoo and he feels his heart crack. Why is it so easy to smile and laugh with others while it's so hard to utter a single word for me, Soonyoung?
Jihoon's tears are near to falling when their manager announced that they're done for the day and that they can go home to rest. Thank heavens I can lock myself and cry my tears out.
Arriving at the dorm, he runs to his room to cry his heart out. He doesn't understand a bit of Soonyoung's behavior for the past weeks. Why did he suddenly shut Jihoon out? Why is it Wonwoo-okay that's not it really Jihoon snap out of your jealousy! It will bring nothing but bad things to you and you wouldn't want to ruin your relationship with the members. The only question that resurfaces out of his haywired mind is why does Soonyoung avoids him. It was like one day he just decided to shut Jihoon out of his life and ignore him as long as he can and it really hurts for Jihoon to think that maybe Soonyoung lost interest.
Everybody knows that to keep him on the ground, Soonyoung needs constant entertainment or something that doesn't bore him. After confessing to one another, Jihoon and Soonyoung had been good at keeping their something just as it is. Maybe, that's where the problem lies. He himself finds it hard to commit to a relationship because he's afraid he'll just ruin it and become a bad memory to his partner. He doesn't want to do that to Soonyoung. That's the reason he can't bring himself to tell Soonyoung that he wants to make it official because he himself isn't sure if he's really capable of handling an actual relationship.
Jihoon's mind hurts from thinking too much and he knows he should not do this, not when he has a lot of pending work he left on his studio. Mindlessly staring at his ceiling, he asks for a sign. Stupid as it sounds he needs a sign to push himself and have courage to actually talk it out with Soonyoung. If he comes to my studio tomorrow, i'll talk with him and sort things out. Which he laughs at himself after because he knows there is no reason for the other to come, but he silently hopes.
The machine loudly makes his third coffee for the day. He's been working on songs for hours and he's kind of frustrated now because he can't write anything properly, not when his emotions are messed up. It's near 11PM and he lost all of his hopes on seeing Soonyoung today. He sat back on his chair and stared at the monitor when he heard the door slowly open and revealed a panting Soonyoung who is looking around the studio.
He spots Jihoon and breathes heavily before saying, "Uhh, Seungcheol hyung said he left his charger here. Do you know where he left it?" Jihoon looks around and he sees the charger helplessly hanging on the side of the couch. He grabs it and gives it to Soonyoung without looking at him because he is obviously nervous. Damn, I know I said I'd talk to him if he comes here today but now I can't even utter a single word. Jihoon stop being a coward and pull yourself together!
He tries to steady his breathing to finally talk with Soonyoung but the other beats him to it. "Jihoon," he slowly raises his gaze from Soonyoung's feet to his face and he sees an expression on his face that he definitely misses. He wants to cry upon seeing the loving look on Soonyoung, he feels like it's been so long since he last saw it. "I missed you." Now, Jihoon's tears slowly falls down his cheeks. Soonyoung was alarmed and he slowly wipes them, still with the loving look in his eyes. "Hey don't cry, i'm sorry please don't cry Jihoonie." Silent tears turned into sobs. Jihoon can't keep it in, he's been bottling up the emotions on his own and now it feels like a floodgate opened. Jihoonie. "Jihoonie...you called me Jihoonie." Soonyoung smiled and hugged him securely in his arms. "Hey, i'm sorry for avoiding you. I swear it was not on purpose, I was just going through...something."
Soonyoung ruffles Jihoon's hair while hugging him as he calms him. "I'm sorry, I can't stop my tears it's just hard to keep it in." Soonyoung hummed in response. "Jihoonie, please listen to me-" Jihoon looked up and distanced himself from Soonyoung, hands indicating that Soonyoung should stop whatever he's planning to say. Go Jihoon! You can do it. Be brave for once, please. "No Soonyoung, you listen to me." He looked up at Soonyoung with full adoration as he shyly pulled the others' hand to intertwine with his.
"I want to say sorry first, for giving you a hard time with whatever this kind of relationship is that we have. I just-I'm afraid Soons. I know you would want to take it to the next level which is being official but I myself can't bring the topic because I am afraid. It's been a while but you've been very patient with me and I thank you-so much for that." Jihoon sighed heavily from nervousness but well, he gotta do it. Thank god Soonyoung was just listening while playing with Jihoon's hand. "I've been frustrated too you know? I like you so much but I have this fear that I will just ruin our relationship because I probably won't handle it well and I wouldn't want you to go through a shitty relationship. And now that frustration increases everytime I see you with Wonwoo. I know yeah it's pretty pathetic to feel this way because he is your bestfriend but I just can't forget that one time when you told me you were once attracted to him and it just pops into my mind everytime I see the both of you cling to each other and it just sinks in to me that what if, what if you grew tired and realized you wouldn't want to be with someone like me and I can see that Wonwoo can give you better attention than I do. It's suffocating to think like that. I have so many fears but I think losing you is the worst. Soons, i'm really sorry for I am like this." Jihoon ended his words slightly panting. He doesn't know if Soonyoung understood all his words because he was nervous and words may come out incoherent but he wishes that he did. Alright, you did good Jihoon! You let out all of your feelings and now it's up to him what to do with you.
He waited for Soonyoung to say a word but he just silently pulled him to the couch to sit. Soonyoung placed him on his lap and Jihoon nearly cooed at his actions. "Ji," Soonyoung started and Jihoon started looking down, scared of what the other might say. "I want to say sorry too, again for uhh ignoring you. I told you it wasn't on purpose, okay? I was just thinking about us and Wonwoo as you said is my best friend that's why I ask him for some advice. Jihoonie, you do know that he is dating Mingyu right?" Jihoon was shocked at that. "What? When did that happen?" The other laughed at him being clueless. "Just some weeks ago, Mingyu was nearly crying and Wonwoo being himself agreed to be Mingyu's boyfriend. Everyone knows how they're whipped for each other." How come I didn't notice that? Heck, now it feels more pathetic to be jealous over Soonyoung's best friend who is happily dating that overgrown puppy.
"Anyway, yeah I was asking him and Jeonghan hyung for some advice and they told me to give you time. Maybe I was bugging you too much or I was too clingy for your liking so I ended up avoiding you. I'm sorry I didn't know you were feeling like this." Soonyoung rubbed his back while smiling at him and Jihoon couldn't feel any more comfortable. He loves to be in Soonyoung's arms like this. "And about your fears....Ji, I am afraid too. What if I was too much for you and you just grew tired of me and leave me?" Jihoon looked at him with a frown. "I wouldn't! You know I wouldn't because it is you. I may look like I hate affection but I do like it especially coming from you." The other hummed while still rubbing Jihoon's back. "Yeah, but I wouldn't actually know that if we haven't talked about it, just like now. You said you're afraid of committing to a relationship because you think you might ruin it. Lee Jihoon, you won't be the only one in this relationship, we're together and we have each other's back. If you feel like something is wrong, you can always tell me and we try to do something about it. If we fight, we talk again and try to fix it. If you feel like you don't like me the way you used to, I won't bother you and I will give you time to think again." Jihoon's tears were back at the edge of his eyes. He feels like crying, Soonyoung is too pure for this world. God I'm not letting him go.
"Jihoon, relationships aren't always happy. It's not rainbows and unicorns like how other people describe it. Relationship is something you work on over time and together, not just you alone. We are both in this, okay? I am not rushing you, but I want you to know that I do want to make us official, but I can wait okay? I want you to be confident with yourself first to make sure that you really wanted this the same way I do." Jihoon started sobbing and hugged Soonyoung tightly. No words uttered, just full emotions. "Hey don't cry. I'm glad we get to talk like this and open up about what we feel. I'm not asking you to decide now but I want you to know that I like you the same if not more and i'll always be here for you to support you in everything."
As gross as it is, Jihoon wiped his snot on Soonyoung's shirt while gathering up courage to actually talk and not to be eaten by his emotions. "Soons, I can't thank you enough for being this good to me. You are so pure and lovable and I don't know what's gotten into me for doubting that we'd be good in a relationship. I know you're not rushing me but I do like you too, so much that I don't know if I can let you out from this studio without being officially mine. I don't think I can let you go, I don't want to. I want to be here for you too and support you in everything. As you said, we're both in this and we will compromise if something ugly happens. I will be here for you too, Soonyoung. God I like you so much."
Soonyoung smiled widely at that. "Hmm do you, really?" He slowly wiped the leftover tears on Jihoon's blushing cheeks, "Is this Jihoonie asking me to be his boyfriend?" Jihoon's cheeks turned a darker shade of red because of embarrassment. "Stop teasing me!" Soonyoung chuckled sweetly at him. Holding Jihoon's chin, he lifted his gaze to let their eyes meet. "Will you be my boyfriend then, Jihoonie?" The other stared lovinly at him before answering. "Yes, Soons. I'll be your boyfriend. Let's be together for a long time."