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Nagisa untucked the towel and let it fall to the carpet of the hotel room. The sound of the water from Rei’s shower screeched softly through the door… or was it the wall? He sat on the edge of the bed and took a deep breath, listening to that water… the occasional rush as it bounced off or cascaded over Rei’s naked body and crashed onto the shower floor. It was like echolocation for Nagisa’s imagination. Was that from over his back? Had it pooled between his arm and stomach before washing lower over his body and falling the rest of the way?
The air conditioning kicked on and blasted Nagisa’s completely bare body. It felt especially nice on his still-moist skin on the warm night. It also pulled him out of his reverie, however. He sighed and stood, taking a moment to check himself out in the mirror over the dresser before walking over to his bag and crouching in front of it. There’s no way he’ll say no, he told himself. No way.
He fished out a pair of shorts and stood again, stepping into each leg and pulling them up. He slung them low on his hips, and he toyed with how low he could go before his intentions were -too- obvious, and how high was just silly. Yep, high enough to cover the belly button was right out. He stuck his tongue out at himself and pulled them down to a comfortable level. No, a little lower. Perfect. He smiled.
Another deep breath as he collected his thoughts. The plan was simple. Gou’s information had been extremely helpful. His own observations had gone a long way too, but she’d supplied the final pieces he needed to give his plan an actual shape. He knew Rei cared about him. It took everything he had to not collapse into Rei at the pool that night when he’d said that he wouldn’t let Nagisa leave the club. So many times, he declared he would stay. Nagisa’s little pet project now become so much more, after so many Sundays… So many.
Except for a few. Nagisa couldn’t help but be a little jealous of Rin. In that, he and Makoto were alike, apparently. He couldn’t wait to tell Makoto about tonight, regardless of how it went. He was always so interested in Nagisa’s life. He was one of the few people Nagisa had told about his orientation, and the fact that Makoto never shared it or acted any differently around him… well, Nagisa wouldn’t blame himself for being attracted to Makoto, but he just never was. Right. Rei-chan. Keep it together, Nagisa. How could this go wrong again? Oh yes… Rin.
Rei didn’t trust Nagisa. Or the others, at least not enough yet. But how could he not trust Nagisa? How could he want to learn other strokes but not at least ask him? Nagisa would be a great teacher when it came to the breaststroke! Then maybe they could swim it together like Haru and Makoto did earlier. How fun would that be? But… no. Rei approached Rin. Rei made Rin cookies. Sure, he made Nagisa some afterward, but still.
And… as much help as Gou had been, Rei did tell her that he wasn’t interested in romance. Was that forever? Was it a deflection? She said he seemed flustered… what to make of that?
But they just bought their suits together! They worked on their poses! It was so much fun. It didn’t have to mean as much to Rei but… but it did to Nagisa. And he had to know. This wasn’t middle school, dammit, and if there was fun to be had here, he was going to have it!
The shower knob squeaked and the screeching stopped. Nagisa’s heart skipped as he took another breath and nodded to himself, face full of resolve, in the mirror. His hair was still soaking wet. He bent over and picked up his towel as the door latch opened.
Nearly-naked, wet Rei was coming out of the bathroom. Nagisa plopped the towel on his head and started rubbing it around as he took a seat on the edge of the bed.
“Hazuki-kun,” Rei said. “Still drying your hair?”
“I forgot, Rei-chan!” he said.
“Well, with the air on, you should be as dry as possible so you don’t catch cold before the relay.”
“Nn~.” He lowered the towel around his neck and spun around on the mattress, grabbing his ankles. “Did you have a beautiful shower, Rei-chan?” A shower with Rei could be nothing BUT beautiful from where Nagisa sat.
“I suppose,” Rei said. “The water could have been hotter, but it was pleasant enough overall.”
“I see,” Nagisa said. “You did really good on your butterfly today, Rei-chan.”
“I was pretty certain all my hard work would pay off.”
“I’m glad you were right! We’re in a strong position for the relay tomorrow.”
“As long as Makoto didn’t tire himself out, we should win.”
“You really shouldn’t do that, Rei-chan.”
“Do what?”
“You’ll jinx us!”
“I’m simply stating the conclusion made apparent by our results today.”
“But this is a sport where anything can happen. You shouldn’t invite misfortune on us. After all, that wouldn’t be very beautiful, would it?”
“I suppose not.”
Nagisa faked a yawn. “All that excitement took a lot out of me today. Should we settle in?”
“We’ll want to be well-prepared for tomorrow.”
“I agree.”
“Tuck in, and I’ll be there when I’m done drying off.”
“Nn~!”
Nagisa hopped to his feet and walked to the head of the bed, picking up the covers and lowering himself under the sheets. He turned the light off on the side table, leaving the one by the door for Rei.
Around strangers, like at Samezuka, Rei’s modesty would flare up, but everyone was comfortable with each other in the Iwatobi High Swim Club. In the locker room, it was easy to dismiss the nudity as all business. Here, though, Nagisa couldn’t help but stare as Rei prepared for bed. That last yellow light reflected off his skin as he bent for his own sleepwear - a white t-shirt and short - the nice curve of his ass falling away to shadow before Nagisa could catch a glimpse of the good bits. He was a little bothered by it, and was already plenty hot. He tried to give himself one last rehearsal of his plan, but he couldn’t stop drinking in as much of Rei’s body as he could. Oh, how he wanted to touch it! Not just the hugs and pats and contact of two teammates or friends in the daylight, but there, in the bed, at night, and the things that could transpire… His imagination overwhelmed his actual senses and put him in a daze.
He shook his head. No. This will end tonight. Here. Now. In this room. In this bed. Hopefully with both of them needing another shower afterward. Nagisa was worried he might need another one regardless.
Rei turned off the light, the click settling Nagisa once again. It was business time. The bespectacled boy took off his glasses and set them beside the bed before crawling in beside Nagisa.
“Hey, Rei-chan?”
“Yes, Nagisa?”
“Do you only do beautiful things?”
“I try very hard to, yes.”
“Why is that?”
“In this time, in this place, in this life, I only have one opportunity to do anything in a given moment before that moment is gone forever. I must make the most of that.”
“But what about the time we swam at Samezuka and you had to borrow a swimsuit?”
“That was forced upon me. I had no control over that.”
“Or the time you let me talk you out of finding out why I ran away from home.”
“I certainly had no control over that either. I was trying to be beautiful, despite your efforts.”
Yes, yes you were, Nagisa wanted to say. Should he bring up the way Rei was overly proud of his not-so-nutritious lunch? Or the time he all went along with Gou’s admittedly ineffective recruitment plans? Likely not.
“Do you think I do beautiful things, Rei-chan?”
“You swim beautifully, yes. Your energy and enthusiasm is beautiful. Your dedication to this team is beautiful. Your company is beautiful. There are lots of things about you that are beautiful.”
“And Haru-chan? And Mako-chan?”
“Of course. We’re all beautiful together, too.”
All, huh? Nagisa bit his lip as he thought. “What about other things? Friendship is beautiful, right?”
“Yes.”
“And teamwork.”
“Yes.”
“What about love?”
Rei paused. “Love causes people to do irrational things,” he said calmly.
“But your parents loved each other and had you, a person who strives to do beautiful things, didn’t they?”
“Beauty can come out of unexpected circumstances.”
Nagisa made a mental note. He turned on his side to face Rei, making sure to not scoot as he did so, in order to close the gap between them.
Rei’s breathing hitched.
“Have you ever been on a date, Rei-chan?”
“Not as such, no.”
“Is it because you don’t want to, or because you’ve never been asked?”
“You’re unusually serious tonight, Nagisa-kun.”
“I’m just trying to get to know you better is all,” Nagisa said.
“Is something on your mind?” Rei asked.
“I’m thinking about confessing to someone and I want to know if you think I should.”
“Why would you ask me about this?”
“Because I trust you, Rei-chan.” He started to clench his teeth. This was -not- going as he had hoped.
“Are you okay?”
Damn, he noticed. He’s perceptive about the strangest things. And Rei rolled over himself to face Nagisa.
“Oh, yes, yes, I’m fine!” Nagisa said, daring to raise his gaze to Rei’s eyes. Rei was studying him intently, trying to read him. After the pool incident, this was happening a lot more, so Nagisa was used to it. He was more than capable at deflecting, and almost rolled onto his back until he remembered - tonight is the night. Nagisa felt Rei’s body near him like a magnet, and he fought the pull with everything he could muster.
“What about kissing?” Nagisa asked. His lip quivered in nervousness. Stop it, Nagisa! He’s going to notice!
“Kissing?”
“Is kissing beautiful?”
“Hm. I haven’t really considered it,” Rei said.
The foot between their faces feeling suddenly like yards and millimeters at the same time, and it confused Nagisa. “Could you try?”
“Well, it’s something that people in love do.”
“But people in love can also do beautiful things.”
“Despite their efforts to the contrary, yes.”
“Kisses can be beautiful though!”
“Between the right people, I suppose.”
“What, do you suppose, would make a kiss beautiful? That the people are in love?”
“Yes.”
Got him. Nagisa gave a thoughtful hum.
“What is it, Nagisa-kun?”
“I’m confused. So a kiss is beautiful if the people doing it are in love, but the more they are in love the more irrational they are?”
Rei thought about this for a moment. “Perhaps it wraps all the way around irrationality to arrive back at beauty.”
“Maybe you should try being that irrational sometimes.”
“Nagisa-kun…”
“I think it would do you some good! After all, if you waste all your time trying to do beautiful things and not always succeeding, why not try doing some irrational things and seeing if they turn out to be beautiful just as often?”
“I thought you were trying to seek my advice.”
“I am! I’m just taking the long way around. Wouldn’t it be beautiful if we used this same time to give each other advice?”
“If the advice is good, I suppose that is more efficient.”
“I really think it is good advice. I worry that you give yourself too much stress, Rei-chan. I’d like you to be able to relax and feel free to be irrational from time to time. Like how Gou-chan could hurt herself by not looking at the muscles while they’re there.”
“I don’t think she would hurt herself.”
“Over a long time, she could. I saw on the news that keeping things bottled up for a long time can hurt your heart!”
He said it so nonchalantly, but those words cut to his core. Oh, how his heart hurt! It wasn’t nervousness his lip was quivering from this time. he brought a hand up to cover his mouth, but it wasn’t going to do any good. It was going to come pouring out of him, so he rested it on the pillow instead, fingers idly curled closed.
“Nagisa, what’s wrong?”
“How do you know, Rei-chan?” he asked, casting himself into his trust in Rei, the one who noticed and would never let him leave. “How do you know that love is irrational? Why does irrationality have to be ugly?”
“Nagisa-kun…” He reached up and put a hand on Nagisa’s shoulder.
“I don’t think it’s irrational at all,” Nagisa said. “I think it’s perfectly rational for two people who care about each other to fall in love. I think it’s perfectly rational for those people after they fall in love to want to kiss each other. It’s natural! And what can be ugly about that?”
The hand on Nagisa’s shoulder twitched.
“There are things I can’t help, Rei-chan. And whether they’re irrational or not, I can’t stop them. And I’d like to think they’re beautiful things. I’d like -you- to think they’re beautiful things, and it’s really hard to tell sometimes. I really want to know if you ever have these kinds of feelings or if you just push them away.”
“I… I don’t know. I’m sorry, Nagisa-kun. I’m really sorry.” His own voice started trembling. Nagisa was confused again. “I… don’t really know what to do in times like this. Crying is pretty irrational too, isn’t it? Why would it ever make sense to make it more difficult to say what’s wrong when something’s wrong?”
“Rei-chan…”
“It just… it hurts to see you cry. It hurts me so much. You’re happy! That’s who you are. It’s one of the most beautiful things about you, and when you’re like this I want to do everything I can to make sure that you can go back to being that happy Nagisa again.”
That was really all he needed to hear, but Rei wasn’t finished.
“Love hurts people too, Nagisa-kun. It does. People break up over and over again until they find the right person to spend their lives with. All that wasted time they could’ve been doing other things, all that time they can’t get back.”
“Rei-chan,” Nagisa said calmly, placing his hand on Rei’s cheek, “if they never try to find that beautiful person, by dating someone and breaking up with them, they’ll never find them at all! Your beautiful thing can only happen by doing some irrational things first. It’s unavoidable.”
“You’re right, you know,” Rei said.
“Hm?”
“I can’t really speak about whether something is irrational or beautiful if I don’t experience it, can I?”
“Some people would say that,” Nagisa said.
“You’ve never touched my face like this before,” Rei said.
“No, I haven’t,” Nagisa said. “How does it feel?”
“It feels pretty beautiful to me.”
“What about this?” Nagisa slid his hand down to Rei’s neck. He felt Rei shiver.
“I…”
“Don’t bottle it up, Rei-chan. Please, tell me.”
“It feels beautiful, yes…”
“But your brain is also telling you it is irrational?”
“…yes.”
“Funny how that works, isn’t it?”
“Yes.”
“What about..” Nagisa kept his hand on Rei’s neck and slid himself closer, the inches definitely feeling like inches. The pull was almost infinite, but he forced himself back. He had to try to be beautiful for Rei, after all. He paused, relishing this moment, looking into each other’s eyes, as they both understood what was about to happen.
“Absolutely beautiful,” Rei said.
Nagisa inched his face forward. His heart leapt as Rei did the same. Nagisa smiled. “And this?”
Nagisa knew his answer the moment their lips connected. He knew that all kisses were not fireworks behind the eyes, but sometimes they were. A year of hoping and waiting tends to help that, he imagined. Everything, every moment, every doubt of the last year all exploded across his mind as Rei pressed against him, let his hand fall off Nagisa’s shoulder and down to his waist. Nagisa trailed his hand down Rei’s chest and up and around to where the hem of his shirt had risen above his waistband and rested it there. There was so much time for everything else. Rei’s arm wrapped around him and pulled him closer, and Nagisa’s eyes flashed open. He hoped Rei didn’t realize what that was pressing against his stomach. Not now. Later. He had to ease Rei into it.
He relaxed back into the kiss until Rei broke it, looking down at the lips he just separated from with a weak smile. “Seems beautiful to me.”
“Rei-chan…” Nagisa said.
“So… what do we do now?”
“I guess,” Nagisa said, “we try to be as beautifully irrational for each other as we can.”
“That sounds good to me,” Rei said.