Chapter Text
Tuesday
7:06 J: Why for the love of god is there a dead cat in the fridge? I thought we had talked about this Sherlock!
7:08 S: would you rather it if it was living cat? That would me immensely cruel John.
7:09 S: And yes we talked about it you said you didn’t want any human body parts in the fridge, the cat is not a human.
7:15 J: you’re insufferable, new rule – fridge is for food only!
7:17 S: I’M insufferable? You are the one who is being entirely unreasonable, where am I going to keep my experiments if not the fridge?
7:45 S: I’m taking the fact that you didn’t text back, that I have won this argument and I get to use the fridge!
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15:36 S: A new fridge was just delivered.
15:38 J: you can use the old one for your experiments the new one is for food. Acceptable?
15:44 S: the new one is bigger
15:45 J: FINE have the new one but you have to clean the old one.
15:46 S: That’s dull.
15:48 J: what your response should have been was- thank you John for buying me a new fridge JUST for my experiments that’s really generous of you I will now clean the old fridge until it’s shining just for you.
15:49 S: Dull.
15:50 S: By the way the delivery man is cheating on his wife with his sister in law and is on his way to see her now, although he’s recently been having homosexual thoughts and is thinking about sleeping with the sister in law’s husband.
15:50 J: ok no way! How in god’s name did you figure that out with a look!
15:51 S: I didn’t. I stole his phone and read his messages.
15:52 J: Sherlock that is not good! Why would you do that!
15:54 S: I’m bored.
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15:54 John to Greg Lestrade: please tell me you need help on a case, Sherlock is bored. Sherlock bored is a dangerous thing.
16:15 G : Sorry no disturbingly weird murder cases today.
16:15 G: I can’t believe I just apologised for that.
16:16 J : don’t worry about it mate, Sherlock is a bad influence, for a moment there I was disappointed there weren’t any complicated murders.
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16:28 S: what time are you coming home?
16:29 J: I’ll be home about half 5
16:31 S: Ok. Just so you know there’s no need to panic it was only a small fire.
16:32 J: WHAT?
16:38 J: Sherlock what do you mean fire!
16:45 J: I’m leaving now, the house better be standing!
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18:59 S: Come home
19:08 S: it was only a small fire your being unreasonable
19:15 S: Your bed is only a little bit burnt.
19:21 S: it’s not my fault you inferior intellect means you can’t grasp the concept of my experiment, you reaction is completely over exaggerated.
19:38 S: Stop being dull.
19:39 S: you’re not always easy to live with either you know , so if you’re thinking of leaving you should know that it would be hard for you to find someone who will have you.
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20:28 S: I’ve cleaned the mess, I’ll buy you a new mattress, you’re not really dull , and you’re not as stupid as most people are and I do like living with you my last text was a lie.
20:29 J: no more experiments with fire without an extinguisher on hand, you could have hurt yourself Sherlock.
20:18 S: I’ll be more careful
20:19 J: I’m on my way home you nutter.
Friday
22:06 S: I SAID Get me your laptop!
22:08 J: I’m down the pub Sherlock
22:09 S: Oh. Well you need to come home it’s an emergency
22:10 J: You only want me to come so you don’t have to get up off your arse to get MY laptop. Stop being lazy and for god’s sake use your own laptop.
22:14 S: Why? It’s not like I look at your porn collection.
22:16 J: I don’t have a porn collection.
22:18 S: so what are the files under the folder ‘accounting’ then?
22:19 J: Stay away from my laptop Sherlock!
22:22 S: does this really turn you on? If you ask me the women are very over enthusiastic and why are all the men in the gay video’s wearing jockstraps?
22:23 S: do you own any jockstraps?
22:23 J: oh my god! Stop it! I’m coming home
22:25 S: Good bring Italian.
22:26 J: Fine.
Monday
10:05 S: Meet me at 22 Grendon Street , women in bathtub seems to have been clawed to death, marks on body are a match for lion.
10:06 J: I’m at work.
10:08 J: how the hell could a lion have killed her in a bath in LONDON.
10:10 S : It didn’t obviously , it was not a lion at all .
10:11 J: well how did she get the claw marks?
10:12 J: is there a lot of blood on the scene?
10:12 J: was she moved into the bath or killed there?
10:14 J: any other contusions on the body apart from the lion lacerations?
10:16 J: what did Greg say?
10:19 J: Sherlock?
10:22 J: I’m on my way, I’ll meet you there.
10:23 S: Good.
Wednesday
09:06 J: I left you some breakfast in the fridge, you didn’t eat at all yesterday you need to eat.
09:08 S: no I need to think.
09:10 J: you’ll think better if you eat
09:12 S: no I won’t . Don’t tell me what will make me think better.
09:18 J: Sorry
09:20 J: Please Sherlock if you’re not going to sleep until the case is over either, just eat at least something. I worry.
09:21 S: there is no need, I lived perfectly fine before you were here to nag me.
09:22 J: right so I guess you don’t need me then, I will stop nagging you.
09:24 S: I didn’t say that I didn’t need you.
09:25 j: so you do need me then?
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09:38 S: I ate the food so stop worrying.
09:40 J: right thank you.