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Sam was beginning to think that she might just be cursed. It had been a hard couple of years, with the loss of Martouf, the acceptance of what would never be with Jack, the loss of Narim and the Tollan, and the situation with Orlin.
And in the middle of all of that, there was Jim. It would just figure that she’d find a guy she liked, who liked her, who wasn’t in the same command structure, and yet—
And yet there was the Sentinel thing, and the nights when things just didn’t work.
Like tonight.
Jim scrubbed his hands over his face. “Sorry.”
Sam bit back a sigh. “We’ve been over this, Jim. It’s not your fault, I don’t blame you, and we have a good time together.”
Jim rolled his head to look at her. “You could do better.”
“For the last time, no, I couldn’t,” Sam said, exasperated. “We’ve been through this before, and I’m not going to keep reassuring you!”
Jim blinked. “I’m kind of being a dick, huh?”
“Kind of,” Sam said shortly, although she felt a little bad about her tone. Jim had to be even more frustrated than she was.
Jim propped himself up on an elbow. “Can I make it up to you?”
“What did you have in mind?” Sam asked with interest, because Jim was good with his hands and his mouth both.
They were at her place, as they usually were after a date night. Sam had a mission to Langara in a couple of days, and Jim was on call for any rescue missions. It was a rare moment of down time for them, and that was probably why things hadn’t gone so well tonight.
Jim always performed better when he was coming off an adrenalin high.
“I could eat you out,” Jim proposed.
“You want that?” Sam asked.
Jim grinned at her. “Happy to.”
And when Jim was in the mood and focused only on Sam’s pleasure, he was very, very good at bringing her off. Sam didn’t think she’d had a boyfriend that was this good at oral, or this enthusiastic about giving it, pretty much ever.
By her second orgasm, Sam had nearly forgotten that there had ever been a hiccup in the evening.
Jim seemed just as pleased when he came up for air, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “You good?”
“I think you know I am,” Sam replied, amused. “You definitely made up for it.”
Jim got up to rinse his mouth out, but then came back to bed. Sam rolled over to rest her head on his shoulder, and Jim put his arm around her. “This okay?” he asked.
“This is great,” Sam admitted, and it was. She would take what she could get with Jim. Things might not be perfect, but they were good.
At least Jim was here, and alive, and not her superior officer. He understood that her job had to come first, and Sam knew about his Sentinel abilities and his close relationship with and need for Blair.
Sam expected things to stay about the same, leaving them in a holding pattern, but then Daniel died.
~~~~~
Jim was off-world during their disastrous mission to Langara. Sam was only vaguely aware of his absence, and the fact that he was late returning, her worry for Daniel too great to think about anything else, other than the mission.
When Jim missed his third check-in, Hammond floated the idea of sending another team after them, but O’Neill said, “If anybody can make it through unscathed, it’s SGSR. I say we let Ellison do his thing.”
Her dad couldn’t stay long after Daniel was gone—wherever Daniel now was—which left Sam alone, and worried about Jim.
She was in Daniel’s office, looking at his things, when the gate alarm activated. “Unscheduled off-world activation!” came the call.
Sam called the gate room. “Is it SGSR?” As far as she knew, Jim’s team was the only one still on a mission.
“It is, ma’am,” Walter replied. “They’re heading for the infirmary. There were casualties, but it looks like Major Ellison and his team is in one piece.”
Sam pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes. She wondered if anybody had thought to tell Jim and Blair that Daniel was gone, and figured she should probably catch them before they could find out some other way.
But when she saw Jim, and saw that he was in one piece—even if obviously exhausted and filthy—she realized how badly she’d needed him to be okay. Sam walked straight up to him and clung a bit.
Jim’s solid bulk was pure comfort, and Sam didn’t care that he smelled bad, even when Jim protested a bit, not that he loosened his grip. “No one told you yet.”
“Told me what?” Jim pulled back to look at her. “What happened?”
Sam tried to pull herself together. “Daniel took a lethal dose of radiation on our last mission. He’s gone.”
“Gone?” Blair questioned faintly.
Sam wanted to assure Jim that he and his team hadn’t been forgotten, that there were extenuating circumstances for why rescue hadn’t been attempted. And even though she could tell he was exhausted, he straightened up and squared his shoulders. “Your place or mine?” he asked.
Sam didn’t want to be alone, and she had never been at Jim and Blair’s house with her team. There were no memories of Daniel associated with their place. “Yours, if you don’t mind. I don’t really want to be alone right now, but…”
Blair patted her on the shoulder. “Why don’t you put in a pizza order? We’re going to need food sooner rather than later.”
The promise of pizza and company was just what Sam needed in that moment, and she put in a call to a place she knew Jim and Blair liked. She had spent enough time with them over the last couple of months to know that Blair preferred a veggie, and Jim vacillated between a pizza heavy on the meat or just plain cheese, depending on whether his senses were acting up.
Sam erred on the side of caution and ordered two pies—half-cheese, and half-veggie, plus a meat lover’s for pick up.
She met Jim and Blair by the elevators after changing into civvies. They’d clearly cleaned up, and changed into jeans and t-shirts and flannel. “Do you want me to drive?” she offered.
“I’ll drive the truck back to our house,” Blair said. “Jim probably shouldn’t drive.”
Jim gave Blair a mild glare, but then shrugged. “We’ll pick up the pizzas on the way home. Be careful, Chief.”
Blair nodded. “You guys, too.”
Jim put an arm around her shoulders as they headed for her car. “I won’t ask if you’re okay, because that would be an incredibly stupid question.”
Sam swallowed back a sob. “Yeah, definitely not okay.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” Jim asked gently.
She shook her head. “I can’t yet. I can’t even—he ascended, Jim.”
Jim blinked. “He did what now?”
“He was dying, and then he was just gone,” Sam replied. “I’m not—I don’t understand it. Colonel O’Neill seems to, but I can’t.”
Jim let out a breath. “Does this have anything to do with your mission to Kheb?”
“Did you read the mission reports?” Sam asked, a little surprised.
“It was one of those provided to us,” Jim admitted. “Part of getting to know all the players.”
Sam nodded, relieved that she didn’t have to go into the backstory. “O’Neill thinks that Daniel is with Oma de Sala now, whatever that means.”
She didn’t understand the spiritual aspects that Daniel had embraced, and that tended to drive Jack crazy. Jim had admitted to seeing ghosts in the past, but Sam knew he also preferred the tangible, hard and fast facts. They had that in common.
“Maybe it just means that he’s gone,” Jim said gently. “Wherever he is, he’s not here.”
Sam swallowed back a sob.
“Okay, I’m driving,” Jim insisted. “You shouldn’t be behind the wheel right now.”
“You’re exhausted,” Sam protested.
“I am,” Jim admitted. “But I’m capable of driving to the restaurant and home. Just let me take care of you, Sam.”
And god, Sam wanted that. She wanted to be able to fall apart for a little while and know there was someone there to pick up the pieces.
She nodded. “Yeah, okay.”
Jim climbed behind the wheel of her car, and Sam relaxed. Jim’s hands were sure and steady on the wheel, and while his face was drawn, his eyes were clear. She appreciated the effort he was putting in to hold it together for her. Sam had been that tired in the past—was that tired right now—and she was grateful for it.
Jim insisted on paying for the pizzas, and drove them to his house. Sam had been there before, of course, but she’d never felt so welcome before. Jim’s home felt like a refuge.
“I got the paper plates out,” Blair said as they entered. “I figured no one wants to do dishes tonight.”
“Hence, the pizza,” Jim agreed.
Sam had more of an appetite than she anticipated, not having eaten much over the past few days, and she was grateful when the conversation turned away from Daniel and towards their recent mission.
She was nodding over her slice, and Blair said, “Why don’t you stay here tonight, Sam?”
“Stay,” Jim encouraged. “Sleep here tonight.”
All they did was sleep that night, but by her staying there, it was like the ice had been broken. She’d thought it would be weird to stay with Jim with Blair in the house, but it wasn’t.
When she woke next to Jim that morning, he said, “I think Blair’s making pancakes. I can smell them. Do you want to borrow some clothes?”
“Yeah, that would be great,” Sam replied. She pulled on an old t-shirt of Jim’s, and Blair didn’t hesitate to pour her a cup of coffee, and nudge the plate of pancakes and bacon toward her.
Far from feeling like the third wheel, or feeling awkward, Sam felt welcomed in, and it was the best sort of balm for her grief.
~~~~~
Sam had to admit that the very sight of McKay made her irrationally angry. The sight of Jim looming behind McKay made her feel a lot better, though.
Jim’s team couldn’t deploy with the Stargate tied up, so Jim and Blair seemed to have taken it upon themselves to make sure the scientists had food and coffee.
Jim had definitely heard McKay’s comment about her being “as sexy as ever,” and he stood just behind McKay with an expression that asked if he was for real.
Sam had to swallow her laughter as she demanded to know what McKay was doing there. The last she had heard, he was still in Russia, working as their pet consultant.
“Well, there’s no point in building naquadah reactors in Russia if there isn’t going to be a Russia, is there,” McKay asserted smugly.
“This guy bothering you, babe?” Jim asked.
Jim never called her “babe,” and so she knew he was up to something. Judging from the light in his eye, it was going to be amusing for her. “No, I’m pretty sure he was just leaving, dear.”
Jim smirked at her, and McKay gaped at him. “Wait a minute, you’re dating this, this Neanderthal?”
Sam noticed that he at least pronounced the word correctly.
“That’s Major Neanderthal to you,” Jim said equably. “And I just really hate it when consultants turn up and blatantly show off the fact that they didn’t have to attend the same EOSH briefings that we did.”
The military liked their acronyms, so Sam immediately knew what Jim was referring to.
“EOSH?” McKay blustered. “That’s not even a word!”
“Equal opportunity and sexual harassment,” Jim replied. “Basically, how not to be an asshole. And I swear, every time one of you civilian consultants shows up and acts like a complete dick, we all have to go back through the training again, and you lot escape it. As an enlightened Neanderthal, I really resent that.”
McKay was gaping at him, and Jim leaned in close. “Yes, we’re dating. Go away until you can be a productive member of the team. If nothing else, you could have brought coffee.”
Sam lost it as soon as McKay skedaddled like his tail was on fire. “'Major Neanderthal?’”
“I can’t help what he thinks of me, but that comment was so far out of line, that I don’t wonder why he wound up in Russia,” Jim replied. “Brilliance only gets you so far.”
“Some would argue with you,” Sam countered, taking the sandwich and coffee Jim handed her.
Jim gave her a solemn look. “Do you think Blair’s smart?”
“He’s brilliant,” Sam admitted readily.
Jim’s expression gentled. “And Daniel?”
“Yes.”
“And neither one of them are raging assholes,” Jim pointed out.
He used present tense for Daniel, although he didn’t always, switching back and forth depending on the day, probably as a mirror to Sam, who could never really figure out if Daniel was gone or just—somewhere else, beyond their reach.
“You’re right,” Sam agreed. “I should get back to it.”
“I’ll be around,” Jim promised. “Nowhere else for me to go.”
Sam smiled. “Thanks for being here.”
“Where else would I be?” Jim asked with a smile, and he glanced around to see whether they were alone before giving her a quick peck on the lips. “Call if you need me to loom some more. Teal’c has been giving me tips.”
Sam laughed and felt immeasurably better.
She was grateful for Jim’s steady presence later in the infirmary, and for the fact that McKay saw Jim sitting next to her and immediately hightailed it out of there.
“How long was I out?” Sam asked.
Jim shrugged. “Less than an hour, but you had me worried.”
“Sorry about that,” Sam replies. “I had to close the iris.”
“I know,” Jim replies. “Very heroic of you. How much are you going to enjoy telling McKay ‘I told you so?’”
“I probably won’t,” Sam admitted. “I’ll just let him marinate in the feeling of being wrong.”
Jim raised an eyebrow. “He probably cut our time in half.”
Sam sighed. “It’s always something, and it’s usually about six impossible things before breakfast.”
“You’re going to come up with a brilliant idea that saves us all,” Jim said with perfect assurance. “That’s your superpower.”
Sam smiled at him. “Thanks.”
She didn’t expect the genesis of the idea to come from Jonas, but O’Neill managed to fly the gate high enough to render the explosion ineffectual. She hated to admit it, but McKay actually helped in solving the problem, and she hated him slightly less by the end of it. O’Neill was safely recovered, and Teal’c returned from his mission with Rya’c having destroyed Anubis’ weapon so it couldn’t be used against them again.
And when Jim asked her, “Do you want company tonight or not?” after it was all over, Sam realized that she did.
“Yeah, I don’t really want to be alone tonight,” Sam replied.
“Your place or mine?” Jim asked.
Sam hesitated. If they went to her place, sex would be on the table, and Sam wasn’t sure she wanted to try and then deal with failure, especially considering that Jim wasn’t fresh off an adrenalin high. “Yours, if that’s okay.”
“That works,” Jim replied. “I’ll just let Blair know. Not sure what we have in the cupboard, but if you don’t mind swinging by the store on the way home, I’ll cook.”
Sam grinned. “Even better.” If Jim suspected that Sam was avoiding sex by opting to go to his place, he made no mention of it, and didn’t seem disgruntled by her choice. Instead, he seemed almost excited.
She’d noticed how much more at ease Jim was around Blair, and maybe he appreciated a lack of pressure, too.
That night, Jim cooked, making a pasta dish with sausage, peppers, and onions, sprinkled with parmesan. It was delicious, and Blair shared the base gossip he’d been hearing the last couple of days.
“It was wild!” Blair said. “Really wild. I think people really thought things were going south, because there was a lot of honesty. Did you know that Airman Myers had an affair with Major Griffin?”
Sam raised her eyebrows. “She actually admitted that?”
“I don’t think she knew anybody was in a position to overhear,” Blair admitted. “And the only people I’m going to tell are the two of you.”
Sam nodded. “That makes sense.”
She enjoyed the banter between the two men, and the way they tried to include her. At the same time, she didn’t mind just sitting back and listening.
“Will you stay tonight?” Jim asked once they’d finished their pasta and wine, and Blair had pleaded exhaustion.
Sam was running on fumes herself, and she didn’t want to make her way back home. Besides, she liked cuddling with Jim. “Yeah, that would be great.”
She’d brought an overnight bag that she kept on base, so she changed into a tank top and climbed into bed next to Jim. He spooned up behind her and snugged an arm around her waist. “This okay?”
“This is great,” Sam admitted.
She slept better than she anticipated, deeply and without dreaming, and when she woke up the next morning, it was to feel Jim’s erection against her ass.
He wasn’t moving, but Sam could feel his intake of breath, and the tightening of his arm.
It was a little awkward, knowing Blair was just down the hall, but Sam murmured, “I think we can be quiet, right?”
Jim pressed his lips against the back of her neck. “I know I can.”
He slipped his hand down the front of her underwear and began to finger her. She was wet in no time at all, and Jim hesitated. “I have a condom around here somewhere.”
“Just rub off against me,” Sam replied in a whisper, not wanting to break the mood, and not willing to risk unprotected sex.
Jim kept fingering her, bringing her to orgasm as he thrust against her ass. There was something about it that was incredibly erotic, and Sam found herself coming in short order. Jim kept going, gentling his fingers. “Okay?” he asked.
“Keep going,” Sam replied breathlessly, because she knew she was close to a second orgasm.
Jim’s thrusts stopped, and he gave a nearly silent grunt. His fingers didn’t stop until her second orgasm overtook her. Sam went boneless with satisfaction, and rolled her head to meet Jim’s lips with hers. “Sorry for the morning breath.”
“Don’t apologize,” Jim said. “I don’t mind.”
Sam had no idea what made the difference, but the sex between them this time had been easy, effortless, and so very satisfying. “Thank you.”
“No, thank you,” Jim replied. “That was absolutely great.”
Sam hesitated. “What made the difference?”
Jim winced and started to pull away.
“No, please,” Sam said. “Be honest with me.”
“Blair’s down the hall,” Jim admitted, sounding almost ashamed. “I can hear his heartbeat, and I just—I can let go.”
Sam realized in that moment that she had a choice: she could accept Jim with all his limitations and start spending a lot more time with both Jim and Blair, or she could decide that the limitations weren’t worth it, and break it off.
But she also realized that she was falling in love with Jim, who was kind and solid and respected her. She liked his sense of humor, and his bravery, and the care he took with those under his command.
So what if their sleeping arrangements were unconventional? If it worked, who cared? It was better than any other relationship that she’d had in recent memory.
“Then I’m glad we found something that worked,” Sam replied, and gave him a peck on the lips. “Whatever works.”
“I don’t deserve you,” Jim replied.
“It’s not about what we deserve,” Sam said. “It’s about what we make together.”