Work Text:
Flower of Evil- Deliverance
It took everything in Jiwon's ability to pull herself back to look at Hyunsoo's face, to remove the comfort of her strong arms from around her sobbing husband's defeated shoulders. She didn't want to. She just wanted to keep holding him until it stopped, until the horrible pain inside of him recedes, but she knew they couldn't stand on that bridge all night like this either, because who knows how long it would take for all of that pain to just diminish.
After all, Jiwon figured there were years upon years of it with all the plethora of secrets he kept hidden from her, starting with his true identity. It was the first time she could ever recall in their 14 years together seeing him cry. Actually, really cry. And something about it devastated her heart. There was no doubt that everything coming out to her was real. It wasn’t a lie. It wasn’t fake. It wasn’t deception. It was as honest as it could get.
How long had he held all of this in on his own? How long had everything been buried deep under so many lies and trauma, that Hyunsoo himself carried, only to burst to the surface opening itself like a floodgate at the very idea of losing his life with her? And he claimed that he did not love her? It was the very idea of saying goodbye that sent him into this. From there, it was years of remorse and regret, and his own suffering for causing her emotional wounds. He couldn't even bring himself to leave her while calling her phone over and over again.
Jiwon had never seen him this way. He was completely crumbling, falling apart at the seams, shattering before her, and all she could do was hold him as tight as she possibly could in hopes of holding him would be enough to hold his wounded heart together. She stroked the back of his hair with one hand and gently patted his back with the other.
"I want to go home, Jiwon."
Yes, that's what he had told her, and she softly confirmed that they would. They would go home and start over there together, no matter what happened. Home, where everything was familiar. Home, where everything was warm and safe. The comfort of home. The only place in the world where he knew he was loved so very unconditionally by both herself and their young daughter, Eunha. The one place where he wouldn't be judged for who his father was, framed for murders he didn't commit, misdiagnosed by lacking therapists, or surrounded by people who would fail him. Home consisted of her and their daughter. Home was where he was happiest.
Not that long ago, Jiwon had told him that he couldn't go home, and she couldn't get the look in his eyes at her words out of her mind. Despite her position as a violent crimes detective and police officer, she was giving him an out and risking her own career. She was letting him run. She was helping him run away because she knew he was innocent. Because she loved him so much, she was letting him go, ready to face the ultimate sacrifice of losing her husband forever. To give him a chance to be safe and not have to rot in prison for crimes he never committed.
And yet the whole world believes he is not what he actually is. She thought furiously to herself.
Detective Choi was going to be heading to their home in the morning to arrest Hyunsoo. Jiwon knew this, and it was not a fate she wanted him to resign himself to, but here they were. He had given her fair warning that he'd be there in the morning, but that they could have the night together to do whatever they wanted. And how were they spending it? Standing on a bridge somewhere on the outskirts of Seoul when they could be spending it at home together, even if Hyunsoo was crying his heart out, at least he could in the comfort of their home.
Jiwon had told him, yes, let's go back home and that there, they would start over, which sent Hyunsoo into a fresh wave of sobbing into her neck, likely at the realization that he was not going to lose his wife and that they would be together and he didn't have to run to someplace far away from everything dear and familiar, his family. He would get to go home. So she stood there, holding the back of his head with one hand while patting his back with the other. She could feel his hot tears rolling off his face and sliding down her neck.
"Jagi-ya," Jiwon put her hands on Hyunsoo's trembling shoulders and pulled back from her hold to study his face. Tears were still rolling one right after the other. She lifted a hand and brushed away stray tears from under his eyes. Much like the time her husband rubbed the dark circles under hers when she was so exhausted from work.
"Let's go home, now. I'll drive. Let's get you home."
All her husband did was nod and let out a breath of relief. He couldn't even speak properly right now if he tried, and Jiwon understood that feeling. She was worried though. The way he'd clutched at his heart as if it were physically paining him. How long would he be this way, and what she could do to ease his pain? First thing's first, she knew she needed to get him home. She linked her arm through her husband's and led him to their car, opening up the passenger door and helping him inside. Once she was sure Hyunsoo was settled in, she started the car and glanced over at him. Anguish was still written all over his features as he stared out the windshield, and she reached across his chest to seat belt him in, just as he'd once done for her.
I don't care what his real identity is... this is my husband. I love him. He's hurt, he's in pain. I need to get him home and take care of him. He's injured and he needs me right now.
Jiwon started the vehicle up and stretched her hand across the console wrapping her fingers tenderly around Hyunsoo's. His head lay back against the seat and his breath hitched at her touch. Jiwon glanced at him, stroking the top of her husband's hand with her thumb. "It's going to be alright, jagi. I'm taking you home. Let's get you home."
Hyunsoo let out the tiniest whimper. "Jiwon-ah," his voice sounding hoarse, cracking at her name. "I'm sorry."
"Shhhh, it's alright. That's enough of that now," Jiwon spoke in barely above a whisper her own eyes burning again. She leaned toward him and used her fingertips to brush more tears from his face. "No more apologies."
He's still crying... and I don't know what to do to help him... what do I do? Does he know that I won't leave him? Does he know that no matter what, he's not alone anymore?
Hyunsoo cried almost the whole ride home. Jiwon just held his hand, clenching his fingers tightly, giving him squeezes every now and then and only taking her eyes off the road long enough to check on his condition. About 5 minutes away from their house, he had finally calmed himself down and all that was left was sniffling and gradual hitching of his breath.
"Jagi-ya, are you okay?" Jiwon asked him tenderly, and Hyunsoo inclined his head in her direction with a slow nod. He looks exhausted... "We're almost home," she spoke softly to him, in the same tender tone used as if she were soothing her child.
Hyunsoo's current vulnerability reminded her very much of Eunha. She thought back to when Eunha had been born, and something he had said back then when Eunha had started to cry.
"Why did she suddenly burst into tears?"
Jiwon had explained to him that she probably shares their feelings.
“There's a lot she wants to say, but she can't put it into words yet."
And now, her husband was very much like Eunha. Almost as if he were a young boy again. Crying like one, wanting to go home like one, needing the comfort of her like one. The last time he'd probably felt anything so deeply was when he was just a boy, and Jiwon wondered if he even remembered at all what this kind of emotion felt like. Within minutes, she was pulling their car up next to their house, the headlights shining off of the metal craftsman sign just outside of Hyunsoo's shop.
"Come on, jagi. Let's go inside."
Hyunsoo and Jiwon approached the door to their two-story home and he watched as Jiwon unlocked the door. His body was wracked with pain and exhaustion from the floodgate of emotion that he discovered he most definitely had and did not lack despite the lies told to him for so many years that he could not feel emotion. Even though he may not have understood what those feelings were beyond the fact that he was so desperately sorry to Jiwon, and injury from being tossed around like a ragdoll by the human trafficker thug, everything he was feeling was rushing through his body with a severe force he couldn't control. All Hyunsoo could think about was getting inside, getting cleaned up, getting warm, and holding his wife in his arms till he fell asleep. She was his biggest source of comfort. As they stood at the door, Hyunsoo paused as his thoughts began to race.
Do I even belong here anymore...? Is this still my home? Is it okay to enter my home as Do Hyunsoo and not Baek Heeseong? Does Jiwon still really want to start over with me? Is it okay? Can I do this?
It was almost as if Jiwon could read his thoughts when she took him gently by the hand with both of hers, reassuringly, and lead him inside. He could feel that same emotion that took him on the bridge earlier welling up in his chest again but for a different reason, and he didn't understand why. The burning wetness was disturbing his eyes again as he stood facing the wall of where all of their years and memories of family portraits hung. The happiness of those days seemed so long gone now. The center point being their best family portrait blurred as his vision became increasingly distorted.
Hyunsoo remembered fondly that one being Jiwon's favorite, and he could feel his heart beginning to race once more. He was having trouble taking breaths, and it felt like another one these strange attacks he'd started having was going to send him to his knees again. And then there was Jiwon, putting her arms around him, moving him to face her, bracing him, grounding him, holding him in place, and easing the panicked racing in his aching heart.
He looked at his wife, eyes wide and beautiful, shining bright at him with twin streams rolling down her face. Much like she had on the bridge, Jiwon pulled Hyunsoo into her arms and held him close. He could feel the same emotion that made him cry so hard filling him up again and there was no holding it back. Jiwon was crying again, sobbing into his shoulder, tears splashing onto his jacket, her whole entire body shaking against his.
Hyunsoo had held and comforted a crying wife more than once throughout the course of their marriage and yet somehow this was different. This time, he clung to her. He shared her pain, he shared her emotions, and much to his dismay, Hyunsoo was starting to cry again. He let out the smallest keen before resting his face against her shoulder once more. This time, they both held each other. They both leaned into each other's embrace so warm with comfort and love.
Jiwon pulled back from him to look at his face, searching his eyes, her own flickering down to his lips, and then back up to his eyes. He couldn't help himself as he lifted a hand to gently stroke at his wife's tearstained cheek, and even though they were both lost in a wave of emotion, Jiwon had never looked so beautiful standing there in their home. Many times they spent in their living room, making memories, and now this was a new memory, not as Baek Heeseong, but as himself. As Do Hyunsoo. With no more lies of the past and hidden truths.
They were no longer together as Baek Heeseong and Cha Jiwon. They were together as Do Hyunsoo and Cha Jiwon. He could finally be himself to her, and if he had to be honest, there was a heavy sense of relief in him that she knew. Now, he could tell her everything without fear of being mistreated or misjudged or blamed for things he had never done. Now, there would be no more secrets between them. Now, they could create new memories. And so he leaned down to kiss his wife, capturing her trembling lips with his own, tasting the salt of her tears on her lips. They cried, they kissed. They shared their first truly intimate moment as Cha Jiwon and Do Hyunsoo. They were starting over.
When they finally let go, Hyunsoo took a heavy breath, searching Jiwon's eyes. She smiled softly at him and lifted her own hand to touch his cheek.
"You're injured, Hyunsoo-ya."
She spoke his name with such an air of tenderness that it wanted to send him to his knees. Nobody in his life had ever, ever spoke his name the way she did. All his life, everyone had spoken his name with disdain. How did he ever get so lucky to have someone like Jiwon loving him as much as she does, even knowing who he really is?
"Oh, yeah. That," his voice quivering and strained as he casually lifted a hand to touch at his head where he'd been freely bleeding just an hour ago. "I think the bleeding stopped."
Jiwon took his hand once more in hers and led him over to their kitchen table. "I'll get the first aid kit and clean this up. Why don't you go take a shower and get changed? When you're done, come to bed and we can talk." She told him as she fingered through his locks to check the wound on his head.
Luckily, it wasn't a deep enough cut to need any stitching, so he was spared a hospital visit. At least for tonight. The idea of having to see Baek Manwoo sent a shudder through him. Hyunsoo watched his wife disappear into their bathroom to grab the first aid kit, and he dropped his face to look at the tabletop. Just days ago, he'd been in here making freshly squeezed apple juice for his family before Eunha went to school and his wife went to work. Because that was just what he did. He nurtured and cared for them. Will all that change now? His thoughts were interrupted.
"Jagi-ya, here," Jiwon's voice sounded somewhere in front of him and he looked up into the concerned eyes of his wife. "Let's get this cleaned up." As she took things out of their medical kit and placed them on the table, he looked at his wife with wondering eyes.
"Jiwon-ah," he started and cleared his throat. "Do... do you think that, I can still be a dad to Eunha?" Jiwon's eyes widened in surprise as she turned to look at her husband. "I mean, that is, do you think Eunha will still want me as her dad, as Do Hyunsoo?"
He could feel the threat of tears behind his eyelids again and his bottom lip wobbled again at the very idea that his daughter might resent him. This was getting frustrating. Why was he crying so much? It was clear he'd earned Jiwon's forgiveness, that he still had her love, but what about their child? Eunha was the light of life.
"She always told me that I'm her most favorite person in the world, and I-," he was caught off in mid-sentence as his wife cradled his head and rested her chin on the top of his hair.
"You can't think like that," she told him, her thumb stroking small, soothing circles at the base of his neck which seemed to relax him. "Eunha loves her appa. You are her most favorite person in the world. She's young, she's innocent, and I don't think she cares what her appa’s name is, so long as you are here taking care of her, spending time with her, taking her to school and picking her up, and raising her well just like you always have. Eunha will accept you, no matter what. Simply because you are her appa. She wouldn't want anyone else for her appa but you." She let go of her husband and went back to tending to his wound, pulling back his bangs.
"You really think that?" he asked her, his dark eyes large, earnest and childlike staring up into Jiwon's with an almost desperation in them.
"I don't just think it. I know it," she declared, dabbing at the dried blood on his head with an alcohol-soaked cotton ball. He winced a little at the sting as it touched the place where his head had been cut and Jiwon finished tending to his wound.
"Now, go take a shower. I'll get the bed made up. When you're ready, let's talk about everything we've never talked about. I'm here for you tonight. I'll listen to everything you want to say." She placed her hand over the top of his hand, staring hard into his eyes. "Whatever you need, I'm here. If you want to cry some more, I'll comfort you. If you want to talk, I'll listen."
Hyunsoo gave Jiwon a weak smile and stretched his hand out to trace his fingertips over the contours of her cheeks, his hand ghosting up to her forehead and back down to her chin.
"Thank you, Jiwon-ah."
His heart fluttered in the depths of his hollow chest, giving him the strangest feeling that he never understood. There were times when Jiwon made his chest move strangely like that, but he could never understand what it meant. It was just a nice feeling, and it made him want to protect her. It made him want to be next to her, and keep her by his side no matter what it took. He loved making her happy, not causing her pain. He thought back to his sister's words about Jiwon being very precious to him. Maybe that's what it meant? He wasn't sure, but Jiwon was definitely something that could be precious if he understood what that meant. He shook his head and made his way into their bathroom to shower.
Shortly after finishing drying his hair, the hot water had soothed his aching muscles and washed him clean of everything he'd just endured, Hyunsoo proceeded back into the bedroom. Jiwon had changed the bedclothes to a turquoise color and the blankets and pillows looked so soft, warm, and inviting. But sitting up in bed waiting for him was his wife, her clothes changed and her long hair falling down around her shoulders. She gave him a smile and patted the bed next to her. Hyunsoo reluctantly walked toward the bed, glancing down at his wife. "It's alright, jagi-ya. Come sit next to me."
He climbed into bed next to his wife and she reached toward his hand, grabbing it comfortingly. She ran her fingers over the top of his wedding ring and smiled at him, placing her other hand on top of his. "We've never talked about your life, and now I know why. Please, talk to me. Tell me everything and anything you want. I'm here to listen with no judgment placed on you. I know how badly you've been wronged and mistreated."
Hyunsoo blinked rapidly, his eyes widening at her words, and so he settled next to her, gripping his fingers around Jiwon's hand as he began telling her his story. He told her everything that he could remember. Most of his childhood was wrought with trauma, pain, and fear. Things beyond his understanding. Jiwon knew that the more he spoke, how horribly misdiagnosed and ostracized he had been. She felt her heart clench when he told her about his mother's disappearance and she continued to rub his hand, not taking her eyes off him as he spoke.
When she found out about Moojin and his friends tying him to a tree and stoning him, she felt a fury that filled her up from the inside out, and it took her all she had to not drive to his house right now and let him have it, but she didn't. Tonight was for her and her husband. When she learned about the cruel words thrown at him after learning the truth of his father being a serial killer, it sickened her.
"He's possessed by an evil spirit. He's soulless. He was in a mental institution. He's just like his father. He was aware of his father's crimes. They did it together. They were accomplices."
And when she found out that he was abused and thrown into forced exorcisms by the village head and villagers, her heart ached. How much more trauma and suffering would this man have to endure over crimes he did not commit? She understood now why he'd take the fall for his sister's committed murder, but it did not mean she had to like it. Had it been her, he probably would've done the same for Jiwon as he did for Haesoo. It was out of protection and out of love.
She could see the despair in his eyes as he told her these things. He'd never told a single person about anything he had ever endured in his entire life, and now he was spilling it all out to Jiwon. She watched his eyes fill numerous times while they talked about his life, but he pushed it back and continued to talk. It was the most she'd ever really heard him speak, the rolling, soft baritone of his voice she found soothing, even as he spoke of tragedy and hardships. That is until Jiwon told him that she'd overheard the conversation between him and his sister.
She had told him she heard him say he never once loved her, not even for a second. The expression on his face was crushing with guilt. He dropped his eyes away from hers and his bottom lip started to tremble, eyes filling again with that traitorous salty water. Jiwon felt her heart squeeze.
"Why are you crying again?"
The poor man had spent a good portion of their whole night together crying. There was so much trauma that had been pushed down for so many years, buried so deep under a mound of lies, and she was the catalyst for how those buried feelings awoke, clawed to the surface and broke his barriers down. He could feel emotions. He was definitely capable of that but had been brainwashed for so long into believing he could not, that he did not recognize what it was he was feeling. Jiwon knew though.
"I don't know," he answered her honestly because he didn't. He had no idea why he was starting to cry yet again. How many more times was this going to happen to him tonight? What was the overwhelming feeling inside of him that had awoken like a rampaging beast, bent on rendering him this way?
"I know why," she told him gently, squeezing his hand. “It’s because you love me.”
They sat in the bed together, hand in hand, as Hyunsoo shed silent tears while Jiwon explained love to him. Things that he did for her that never required tricking or lying to her. Things he did for her out his own free will, especially after her father had unexpectedly passed away. Things that he made choices to do all on his own because he just wanted her to be happy. He had never pushed her, had never questioned her, it just was. That was love. And he finally realized that all those years, the strange flutter Jiwon did to his chest, the strong desire to provide and protect, of always wanting to please her and make her happy, of wanting to keep her close, of wanting to never lose what he had with her. This was love.
"I love you, Jiwon-ah." His lips met her hand in one of the most soft and honest kisses he could give her, full of sincerity, full of his love for her.
This was what love felt like. He was definitely capable of feeling these emotions. Everyone had lied to him and made him believe he could not, so the strange feelings that would bubble inside of him, he never understood nor recognized them. Jiwon, and even the help of his sister, had shown him that it's there. That he had changed. He just needed Jiwon to help guide and teach him what they meant and why he felt the way he did. Jiwon wouldn't lie to him, forcing him to believe he was a monster of a man. She would always be so severely honest with him in every aspect of this. He trusted her with his whole heart.
The hours went by as they laid in bed and talked, Hyunsoo continuing to tell her his story up until the time she came into his life, so unexpectedly so that it could never be explained. That it would always be a mystery to him, but a mystery he was grateful for. He found himself growing drowsy as he and Jiwon lay back in bed while they continued to talk, he found himself wanting to be close to her, touch her, hold onto her. So they curled up side by side, his head resting in the crevice of her neck. Jiwon stroked his hair while Hyunsoo talked about how much his life had changed for the better the moment Jiwon stepped into it.
After all, Jiwon was his rescuer, and she had rescued him in ways he never thought possible. She had set him free in a way that couldn't be explained. She had given him deliverance. Hyunsoo knew what would lie ahead the next morning, but he knew that as long as he had Jiwon by his side, his fiercest protector, and always had her love, that he could endure anything.
