Work Text:
Oh, Take Me Back
Episode 15x18 pre-coda
By
WickedNerdAngel
"I had all and then most of you,
Some and now none of you.
When the night was full of terrors,
And your eyes were filled with tears.
When you had not touched me yet,
Oh, take me back to the night we met."
***
Dean slams the door to room 7B, locking it behind him. Frantic green eyes scan the room for items to barricade the door, as his feet start moving ahead of him.
"Help me, Cas!" he yells, shoving a desk chair up against the door knob, wincing at the pain in his side. He can feel his blood seeping out again. Fuck.
"It's not going to do any good, Dean," Cas says sadly.
Dean turns to look at him. The angel's eyes are despondent, rapidly filling with tears, right hand covered in Dean's blood. It makes anger flare through Dean's body. He marches towards him, knee buckling slightly at the sharp sting his wound provides.
"We can do this, Cas! We've fought Billie before, we can do it again! Nut up, angel!" he spats, pointing at Cas. The angel only shakes his head, and Dean growls in frustration. "I just can't figure out why she's gone all Freddie Krueger: Scythe Edition, on us. She was supposed to be on our side," he throws his hands up in frustration, pacing as best he can back and forth. "She was helping Jack power up to 'kill God,'" he air quotes.
"Dean."
"Seriously, what the fuck is going on here, Cas? Does Chuck have the power to have some kinda spell on Death?” Dean rambles, not particularly paying much attention to Cas as he keeps pacing. "We need a plan--"
"Dean!"
"What?!" He stops and looks at Cas finally.
"It's not Billie," Cas blurts.
"What do you mean , 'it's not Billie'?" Dean's brain is too muddled to follow. "That thing out there is too powerful to be a shapeshifter, Cas, of course it's Billie. She's gone dark. As dark as Death can go…" he trails off.
"It's not Billie!" Cas yells.
"Then who the fuck is--" he stops, dead in his tracks, noting the way Cas's head is tilted, blue eyes swimming, and his heart stutters in his chest. "Cas," he says as calmly as he can. Who is it?" When Cas only looks at him, he loses it. "Talk!"
"It's The Entity, Dean. F-From The Empty." Cas's voice is shaky; his whole body seems to start trembling, and Dean's entire world comes crashing down around him - worse than it already is. He knew it was bad when he thought it was Billie. He knew, on a scale of pretty fucked up to fucked up beyond all measurable repair, it would be close to the top, but this… this, he is not prepared for.
Suddenly there's banging on the door, and the whole goddamn room seems to vibrate with it. It stops as suddenly as it started, so Dean rushes to try to figure out what the hell is going on here.
"Why is it here? Why now?" Dean asks, dreading the goddamn answer. Cas's eyes plead with Dean silently to not make him talk about this. Dean knows the angel would rather just give himself up than see Dean hurt, both physically and emotionally, but as stubborn as Cas is, Dean knows that particular trait most likely came from Dean himself, and he's not having it. "Cas," he nearly whispers, his voice shaking, "please!"
"When you told me you loved me," the angel smiles at him; it's the saddest smile he's ever seen from Cas, and it shatters his heart into so many pieces, he can almost feel the shards stabbing through his ribs, "I pushed it down. I-I was with you, but I wouldn't let myself think about it. I couldn't. I… wanted to be able to stay with you a little longer…" Dean feels like he's on a fucking precipice, about to careen over, and he can't look at him any longer. His eyes dart everywhere but Cas, trying to find anything to focus on but him, as Cas continues. "To help, to be of service to the fight against God. Dean, I--"
"Service to the fight,” Dean repeats, shaking his head. He can feel his heart throbbing in his neck, a cacophony of sound flooding his ears, sound that he thinks is probably just his own labored breathing. He can barely even hear the angel anymore from his own jumbled thoughts, and he wants… he doesn't even know what he wants, other than all of this pain and loss to fucking stop.
"But then, I saw you working with Jack," Cas continues. He's speaking as if he couldn't stop the words now, even if he wanted to. As if… the angel isn't gonna let the hunter fight for him. Well, fuck that. "I saw the bond you two have, even after everything that's happened. I-I saw the man I love and my son," Dean closes his eyes, a tear streaming down his cheek, "and Dean, I let it go. I fell in love with you all over again and I admitted it to myself this time. And The Entity--"
"Heard you," Dean finishes Cas's sentence.
He's gutted.
Heart, guts, every atom of his being proverbially destroyed and laying at his feet. He feels like he's bleeding out.
"FUCK!" He screams, not even trying to hide his anguish any longer.
"I'm sorry, Dean." Cas is now fully crying.
"Don't say you're sorry for loving me, goddamn it," Dean growls. "We fight this black, gooey piece of shit right now."
"I've told you before, Dean, we can't fight it. It's too powerful."
"Fuck that," Dean replies, rage lacing every syllable. "We can fight anything , Cas. We're in a pissing match with God , for fuck's sake!"
Cas is silent, shaking his head as his tears threaten to spill over once again. They're both jolted by the banging that begins again, this time they can both feel the vibration in the room, the power emanating from behind that door.
"Castiel… CastiEL," Billie's voice is strange, sing-song, and not at all like Billie. Dean feels his stomach turn as he watches the terror creep across his angel's face. "Little pig, little pig, let me in! I might just have to huff and puff, and blow this lovely intricate door down." The banging begins again.
Cas moves to walk towards the door but Dean stops him abruptly. This self-sacrificing son of a bitch.
"No, Cas," he says, his palm pressing against Cas's chest, his own eyes beginning to fill with tears. Pleading, he pushes that down to the depths of his belly. Fuck if he's gonna let this happen on his watch. "Please, we can fight this!"
"Dean," Cas can barely get the words out, his mouth and voice are trembling exponentially. "Earth, it needs you… and Sam--"
"It needs you too, Cas! We need you! I-I fucking need you!"
The angel gasps on a sob, "You've got Jack. With him, the two of you, the real Billie… Dean, you've got a chance--"
"No," Dean interrupts, but Cas rushes to continue.
"Dean, you've fought for this whole world . The burden on your shoulders is greater than any human should ever have to bear. But you bear it. All the work you've done. All the lives you've saved. And you have more to save. You have to keep fighting, even when I'm gone."
Dean shakes his head vehemently. "NO! You're not gone! You're not gonna be gone! Don't do this, Cas," he begs, "don't give up. Please." Dean's eyes go wide with terror as he stares at Cas's crumpled face, a multitude of emotions passing through the angel's oceanic eyes; sadness, love, remorse, pain.
"It's fruitless, Dean. There's no getting out of this deal for me."
Dean opens his mouth to protest again, when the door blows open, the random desk chair barricading the door splintering in pieces, and scattering across the floor. The sound is deafening, but again, Dean can only seem to hear his own pulse throbbing in his ears. He turns, eyes swimming in tears, expression defiant, angry as he watches "Billie" saunter into the room.
"Ain't that the truth. Right Castiel?" A snarling grin adorns her face. "What is it that they say? Gentlemen and... gentlemen!" She raises her hands in the air. "The moment you've all… well, me, anyway… the moment I've been waiting for!" She - it - laughs, taking a step forward, and Dean charges her. All he can think about is killing it, knowing full well he doesn't stand a snowball's chance in hell, and barely registering Cas, behind him, yelling for him to stop.
The thing flicks her wrist, and Dean goes flying, the wind knocked out of him as he crashes into a wall of files and slumps to the floor. He catches his breath long enough for a cursory "fuck you" to leave his lips. Cas rushes over, hands grabbing onto Dean's shoulders to help him up, eyes begging him not to try again. The angel holds onto Dean tightly, as if to drive his point home. And the thing just… keeps… talking.
"Wow! Castiel. I mean, I knew you were pathetic the moment you woke me up, but this?" She laughs again, sinister and, if Dean's being completely honest, really fucking annoying. "Oh you sad, sad little angel. Falling in love with a human?" She tsks, "The most pathetic of any creature I've ever had the displeasure of meeting." She looks between the two of them, teeth-showing smile as she continues sauntering towards them.
"Ya know, I could've blown this door off its hinges ages ago. But I was just messing with ya." She winks. "The absolute daytime emmy-winning drivel I heard from the two of you," she points, "well, I just couldn't miss that for the world! Gonna be enough to give me the sweetest dreams for all of eternity." She looks over at Dean. "And you, tough guy, are the most entertainment I've had in a while. Begging your sweet little angel to stay when you've done nothing but toss him aside for years. Ain't that right, Cas?"
"Don't listen to her, Dean," Cas pleads.
"I think…" she places her finger on her chin, "I just might have to postpone my slumber for a while. Because the thought of watching you shrivel and cry, mourning your loser boyfriend here? Well, that angst is just too delicious to pass up. Mmm, I can just taste it!" She licks her lips and smiles.
"Man, you really don't shut up, do you," Dean grunts, "you should have your own talk show. Sally Jessy Douchebag Blob."
"Cute," she deadpans, pursing her lips. "The little monkey talks. You've trained him well, Castiel."
"Go fuck yourself," Dean coughs. Cas, still holding onto him, squeezes him tightly.
"Anyway," she rolls her eyes, tapping her wrist, "about that appointment we had. Tick tock, angel."
Cas looks at Dean. Blue eyes boring into green like they never have before, his face crumpling in defeat. As he tries to pull away, Dean grabs onto him, fisting the trench coat. "No… Cas."
"It's okay, Dean," Cas whispers. "It'll be okay."
"Please," it's barely a whimper. Dean can't manage anymore.
"Listen to me, Dean. You fight. You fight with everything you have, and you win. Do you understand me?"
Dean can't answer. Instead, he pulls the angel towards him, shamelessly pressing his lips against Cas's until he feels Cas reciprocate, kissing him deeply, every feeling they've ever had for one another pouring into it and washing over them. Dean wants to crawl inside him. He never wants to let go. He feels himself flying and crashing at the same time.
Finally, Cas pulls away. Leaning into Dean's ear, he says, "I love you, lumberjack."
"Yawn," The Entity laments, sarcasm dripping from her tone. Dean watches her roll her eyes again and take a step toward them. "Time to go, Cas."
Dean grabs onto him once more, only to have him ripped away with a force he's never before experienced. He watches as The Entity wraps her arms around Cas's torso and grins at Dean. "Adios, little monkey. Been fun."
Cas stands stoic, smiling softly at his hunter. Dean watches in horror as blackness swirls around him, and he starts to fade away. "CAS!" Dean cries out, unable to move from the spot he's standing in. He reaches out to him right before-- "I love you too," he says.
And then he's gone.
Dean, finally able to move his feet, stumbles into the hallway, finding himself alone. He finds the nearest wall and heaves his back against it, collapsing to the floor. He stares at nothing, wishing this was just a nightmare. A nightmare he's had multiple times since he found out about Cas's deal, but it's not. He's gone. His hands scrub over his face, brows furrowed in anger and anguish.
Eyes darting around, they land on his left shoulder. A bright, blood red handprint greets him, and he has a flash of a memory. Suddenly, he feels the fight seep back into his bones. The hunter clenches his jaw, a plan formulating in his head.
"Well, Cas," he says quietly, "looks like it's time for me to grip you tight and raise you from perdition."
***
The End.