Work Text:
Understanding.
Connection.
Warmth.
For each of these words, Sarawat sees Tine's face.
Sees his smile when he folds their laundry that Sarawat actually remembered to turn inside out, sees his furrowed brow when trying to learn a new song on the guitar and his fingers just won't cooperate, sees his nostrils flare in irritation at yet another normal day brought to a halt by Green and Dim arguing about something so inconsequential that neither even remember why they're angry.
Sarawat has seen his boyfriend - and he still can't believe he can say that - cry and laugh and pout and cry again, more times than he can count, so of course a part of him thought he knew everything there was to know about Tine.
But he never anticipated the sight before him, as he glances up from where he kneels in between Tine's spread thighs and sees a version of Tine that sends hot lava coursing through his veins.
This isn't just a kiss. Nor is it a rushed handjob underneath the covers with the lights off, moans muffled and swallowed down.
Both of which, Sarawat is loathe to admit, he was hardly prepared for either.
This is his lover, exposed and raw in front of him, and Sarawat is frozen.
Tine is flushed, his lips red and spit-shined, his hair mussed and sticking up in a dozen different directions. His shirt is long since removed, tossed across the room and forgotten. Sarawat thinks his own shirt must be somewhere near it in a pile as well, but he can't spare a single brain cell to the thought, because his eyes are glued to the damp patch on Tine's tented briefs. He remembers folding that very pair of underwear two days ago and thinking they were cute because they were Tine's, and a zing went up his body thinking about Tine in them. But his wildest dreams, he couldn't have pictured how sexy Tine looks now.
Without even registering his own actions, Sarawat slides off the couch and onto his knees, parting Tine's strong, delicious-looking thighs and -
Nothing.
He hasn't moved a muscle in almost two minutes.
Sarawat just ... can't.
Let it be clear, Sarawat wants to. More than anything on the planet, Sarawat fucking wants. He wants so much, it burns him up from within, but he can't make himself move. His brain is telling him to be assertive, to touch, lick, smell, taste, devour, all at once. Louder and louder, his desires make themselves known, and yet Sarawat does nothing.
He sits back on his haunches and wonders why he can't make himself move.
He needs to show Tine that he's strong and sexy and capable, but his body betrays him.
Just. Move, he tells himself. Please!
No, this isn't just a kiss, this is the first time Sarawat and Tine have truly been in a situation like this.
And Sarawat is ruining it.
He can't man up, no matter how much he tries to force himself to just do something, anything!
The longer he waits, the more tense Sarawat feels. Before he can stop it, self-doubt floods his body, creating a gnawing pit of anxiety that begins to whisper a tune he's heard far too many times to ignore.
Can't do it, can you? it asks.
You aren't enough for him, it whispers.
How disappointing, it spits.
He wants to object, wants to yell that Tine loves him and that he loves Tine, that this voice doesn't know what he's talking about, that he's capable of loving Tine like this, but then he looks back to the man he loves more than anything, and Sarawat falters.
Tine looks embarrassed, and unsure of himself. Slowly, he reaches for a pillow to cover himself up, as if thinking to himself that Sarawat is disgusted by what he sees.
"Is- hey, is something wrong?" Tine asks, his voice small and uneasy.
"Fuck- god no," Sarawat replies, finally remembering how to speak as he fumbles over himself to sit beside Tine on the couch.
"Then why didn't you..." Tine trails off, looking down at his semi-naked form and blushing all the way down his chest. "Are we moving too fast? Because we can stop, it's fine."
Too fast? Sarawat huffs out a weak facsimile of a laugh.
"We moved in together after, like, a month," he reminds Tine, who smiles softly at the memory. "I don't think we know how to slow down."
"Then what's going on in there?" Tine asks, poking at Sarawat's forehead.
Fuck.
How is he supposed to vocalize any of this without making Tine think he's crazy?
How can Sarawat convey that he always wants Tine, that there's literally never a moment where he doesn't want to be near his boyfriend. Hell, that his worst nightmare is that somehow he's dreamt this perfect life up, and he'll wake up to an empty room in a reality where he never found Tine after all. Or even worse, that he found Tine and then lost him because of his own incompetence.
And there it is.
"I'm scared," Sarawat admits. "Fucking terrified, actually."
"Of me?" Tine asks.
"Of how much I want you -" Sarawat starts, "and how fucking out of my depth I am. I have no fucking clue what I'm doing here, and I hate it so much. This is all I've dreamt about for months, and I don't even know what to do but I'm still doing it wrong. I don't want you to get bored of me because I don't know how to ... you know."
As he lowers his head in shame, Sarawat misses the way Tine's eyes slowly began to well up with unshed tears as he speaks. A loud sniffle draws Sarawat's attention back up, horror written across his face.
Before he can self flagellate again, the pillow hiding Tine's crotch hits Sarawat square in the nose.
"Don't you scare me like that, Sarawat! I thought you were about to dump me," Tine cries, pulling Sarawat into his arms.
Their bodies meet, and Sarawat barely catches the moan that tumbles out of his lips as his chest presses against Tine's own built, hot chest.
"I want you too, stupid," Tine mumbles softly into Sarawat's hair, slowly tracing up and down his spine as he speaks. "And I'm scared too, you know. You're the first guy I've ever loved, let alone done ... this with."
Sarawat can't help the way Tine's words flow over him like warm honey, dripping over him and enveloping him in a warmth that causes the tension he's holding in his shoulders to slowly start melting.
He wants to kick himself for it, but Tine is right. This situation isn't just new for Sarawat, yet all he could think about in that moment was himself.
"I just want to make you feel good," Sarawat says, his words quiet, but firm. "but I don't know what I'm doing, and it's not like I can just ask around, you know?"
Sure, Sarawat could theoretically ask Man, but he and Boss have made dozens of lewd jokes about him and Tine's sex life as is, and Sarawat doesn't know if his pride could handle them having the knowledge that he's a clueless virgin.
Hell, if he was really desperate, as in there were no other gay men in the whole world, maybe he could ask Dim. But again, there's a presumption that Sarawat already knows what to do, and how to do it, as if he didn't realize he was gay less than a year ago.
Just because he looks like he knows what's going on doesn't mean he actually does. Of course, this is coming back to bite him in the ass now because he's in the arms of the man he's in love with and is too overwhelmed and unprepared to do anything about it.
"Well, do you want to learn?"
At first, Sarawat doesn't know if he's just hearing things, but when he looks up at Tine and sees a gentle smile waiting for him, he instinctually feels himself nodding.
Wordlessly, Sarawat allows himself to be maneuvered back onto his knees on the floor in between Tine's legs yet again.
"Get comfortable," Tine says, handing Sarawat the discarded throw pillow to kneel on.
Sarawat can hardly believe Tine still wants to be touched by him, but any protests die in his throat as he watches Tine palm himself through his underwear.
"You know, you're not the only one in this relationship, Wat," Tine croons, his voice low and syrupy-sweet. "You can rely on me too. In fact, I wish you would let me take care of you like you take care of me. Is that okay?"
Sarawat nods again, refusing to break eye contact with Tine's hand as he rubs slow, maddening circles against the clothed head of his dick.
"Come here," Tine says, reaching with his free hand for Sarawat's face. He twines his fingers in Sarawat's hair and pulls him up close until he's barely an inch away from Tine's crotch.
Sarawat can feel his mouth watering as he desperately wants to lick and suck at everything he sees. Even so, he looks up to Tine, waiting for a sign.
Tine smiles back down at him, twirling sections of Sarawat's hair around his fingers.
"Open your mouth," Tine commands.
With a deft hand, he pulls his underwear down and lets his cock slap against his stomach, leaving a wet imprint behind.
Sarawat lets his jaw drop open and leans forward, before the hand in his hair tightens, and he stills.
"I didn't tell you to move," Tine says, directing his head so he looks Tine in the eyes. "How else will you learn if you don't look at me. I want to see your pretty face, and I want you to see mine."
Sarawat melts in Tine's hand. He feels the remaining tension in his shoulders fall away as Tine moves forward and pushes his dick through Sarawat's parted lips.
"Move your head, sweetheart," Tine smiles, his ears burning up at the sight of Sarawat offering himself up to be ravished.
Their sustained eye contact makes Sarawat burn with embarrassment, but Tine's eyes hold no shame, nor guilt.
All Sarawat sees is love and lust and desire. His own cock aches in his boxers, but the thought of reaching a hand down to touch himself doesn't even cross his mind. In this moment, his pleasure is intrinsically tied to Tine's pleasure.
He'll never admit this, but to Sarawat, the feeling of giving head for the first time is indescribable.
As Tine's boyfriend, the knowledge that he is directly responsible for his partner's pleasure goes directly to his own cock. More than that, as a gay man in his first real relationship with another man, a little piece of himself just fell into place.
It's affirming to know that, yes, Sarawat really is gay; and yes, he really is dating another man. Not just any man, but Tine. The human embodiment of a fucking smile.
The same man who is slowly thrusting in and out of his boyfriend's mouth, letting small moans trickle from his lips as he does.
Sarawat falls into a comfortable rhythm, thanks in no small part to Tine directing him, telling him how to move and lick and suckle.
And honestly? It feels right.
It makes him feel like such a fool for thinking he had to be perfect and know everything there was to know about sex before he was allowed to touch Tine. He couldn't have been more wrong. Sarawat was never meant to shoulder this burden on his own, he was meant to be taught by Tine.
As his eyelids begin to feel heavy, Sarawat leans his head back slightly to let Tine slide more of his length in. He takes in more and more of Tine's cock, until his mouth is full and he begins to feels his throat tighten up.
Before he can freak out, Tine pulls out of his mouth and rubs his cock head against Sarawat's wet bottom lip.
"Is it good?" is Sarawat means to ask, but the words that come out of his mouth are,
"Am I good?"
Tine reaches down and cradles Sarawat's face in his hands and beams down at him.
"You're perfect," he answers. The words come out softer, slower, like they're in the best dream Sarawat has ever had.
Sarawat feels lightheaded, he's so giddy.
All he wants is to be a man worthy of loving Tine, and he's one step closer today.
"Can I continue?" he asks, words slurring together slightly.
In lieu of answering, Tine pulls Sarawat back down on his dick and starts shallowly thrusting in his hot, wet mouth.
His toes curl up as his sensitive head rubs against Sarawat's lips, and feeds more and more of himself into Sarawat's waiting mouth.
"Relax your throat, honey; and hold your breath for me, okay?"
Unsure as to why, Sarawat can do little more than hum in approval as Tine brings his head down to the base of his dick, and holds him there.
"Oh god, so fucking hot," Tine cries out, his voice high and breathy.
Sarawat counts one, two, three, four, five beats before Tine pulls out and he takes in a rasping breath, coughing as the air floods back into his body.
What the fuck was that? Sarawat thinks.
He just felt Tine's dick in the back of his throat. For a moment, his mind went completely blank. All he heard, saw, tasted, was Tine. Every one of his senses was heightened in that moment, and if he looked down he would see a dark patch of precome soaking through his boxers.
Of course, Sarawat isn't looking anywhere but at Tine's wet cock, and then to his heavily-lidded eyes.
Not wanting to waste another moment, he takes a second to catch his breath before leaning his head down and plunging as much of Tine's length into his mouth as he can.
He doesn't have to wait more than a beat and a half for Tine to lean forward, pressing Sarawat's head down until his nose brushes up against Tine's pubic hair.
This time, Sarawat isn't as surprised and can feel his throat contracting around Tine's dick as he struggles for air.
Just a few more seconds, and he knows he'll have to pull off if he doesn't want to pass out, but he trusts Tine. He knows that Tine will pull him off long before he does any real harm.
Strong hands yank Sarawat's head up by the hair, and a wet moan leaves his lips as he gulps in air.
"How are you real?" Tine asks, his words getting smothered as he leans down and licks his way into Sarawat's mouth, unable to separate for even a second.
He pulls off and falls back onto the couch, chest heaving as he catches his breath.
Tine looks ruined.
Tears are brimming in his eyes and Sarawat can see how his nipples are rock hard and raised from where he must have been pinching and tugging at them.
"You're gonna make me come," he says. His eyes have gone black with lust, and Sarawat has to imagine his pupils are just as blown. "Make me come, Sarawat."
"Tell me what you need and I'll do it," Sarawat replies. His voice is hoarse, and he notices Tine's ears turn a darker shade of red as he speaks. "Anything, please."
Tine grins, letting out a soft chuckle.
"Will you let me come on your face?" Tine asks.
If Sarawat wasn't already kneeling, he would have fallen to the ground. He nods furiously, uncaring of the hair that falls across his face.
The fact that nobody else will ever see Tine like this, powerful and in control, it goes to Sarawat's head. This is something sacred, something special that they share. He can't even put a name to what they're playing around with, but he knows that it feels right.
He grips Tine's cock and tilts it towards his face, truly committing the feel of it to memory. It's a little sticky, from the spit and the come, and Sarawat is obsessed with how erotic the situation is. He speeds his hand up, nodding wordlessly as he licks and mouths along the length, taking care to tongue around the spot at the head that made Tine cry out earlier.
The smell, the feel, the taste, the sensation of completely letting go of all control and trusting that Tine will take care of him takes Sarawat to a place of bliss he's never experienced.
In the blink of an eye, he sees Tine's face screw up in pleasure. With only a few short, cut-off cries, Tine throws his head back and comes in hot ropes across Sarawat's face.
"Don't stop, don't stop, don't stop-" he hears, muffled as Tine's legs tighten around him.
The world freezes around him, and the only thing that Sarawat knows is that he’s been marked. He just made Tine come, hot and wet, across his face.
In his mouth, across his left eye, in his hair, Sarawat feels Tine all around him.
"Touch yourself, please," Tine says, catching his breath on the couch as best he can. "Let me see it."
Sarawat barely gets a handful of strokes in before he's coming hard in his boxers, convulsing as he slumps forward onto Tine's thigh.
He keeps stroking himself through the last of his aftershocks, fully curling around Tine's leg as a hand rubs circles on his scalp. He can't recall how long he sits there, catching his breath and remembering his surroundings. However long it's been, the hand caressing him hasn't stopped once.
"How do you feel?" Tine asks, breaking the comfortable silence.
"Amazing," Sarawat replies, a grin permanently plastered across his face. "I love you."
Tine's cheeks flush, and Sarawat realizes this is the first time he's said it out loud.
"Let's go wash up, hmm?" Tine says, struggling to hide the smile threatening to split his face in half.
With a warm hand, Tine leads Sarawat to his feet and walks them into the bathroom. He directs Sarawat to lean against the house and pulls out a face wipe.
Sarawat feels that same warmth as Tine cleans his face in small circles, humming lowly under his breath. His eyes close and he leans into Tine's capable hands, trusting him implicitly.
"Sorry for letting it sit for so long; we'll probably need a shower to get it out of your hair, sweetheart," Tine admits sheepishly.
"I might need some help standing," Sarawat replies, leaning forward against Tine's chest. "My legs are just so shaky."
"Oh, I'm sure they are," Tine says, and Sarawat can tell he's rolling his eyes even though he can't see it.
"And I might need help washing my hair too," Sarawat whines. "And scrubbing my back, too."
"Need some help with this, too?" Tine asks, reaching down a hand and grabbing at Sarawat's cock and gives it a squeeze.
There's no way he could get hard again, or at least he wouldn't be able to under normal circumstances.
Clearly, he must have been zoned out against Tine's leg for longer than he thought, because he feels himself getting hard again.
Sarawat can't believe he's dating a sex wizard.
"I'll take that as a yes," Tine says, pulling Sarawat's boxers down until they pool around his ankles. In quick motion, he steps out of his own pair as well and walks the two of them into the shower, never breaking contact with Sarawat.
As they wait for the water to heat up, Tine leans in and pulls Sarawat into a scorching hot kiss. Sarawat feels dizzy as Tine licks into his mouth, sucking on his tongue, nibbles on his lips.
"You don't know what you do to me," Tine moans, rubbing his own erection against Sarawat's as the hot water trails down their bodies.
Sarawat thinks much the same, but can do little more than moan as Tine licks and sucks his way down Sarawat's neck.
Shameless moans spill from his lips, and his stomach burns with lust.
Tine's confidence in his actions makes Sarawat feel safe enough to show his true, vulnerable self in such a heightened moment like this.
Sarawat looks down and sees Tine pouring a heavy dollop of body wash onto their cocks, lathering them both up as he strokes them off with both hands.
"Thrust," Tine commands, and Sarawat does.
His hips move of their own volition once he feels the slick of his own cock rubbing against Tine's as the shower quickly steams up.
"It's so good," Sarawat mewls out, unable to do much more than grip onto Tine and hold on for dear life as he's taken to an ecstasy he never could have imagined.
Tonight feels unreal, like the best fever dream Sarawat has ever had come to life.
And yet, he can't deny the feeling of skin against skin, suds causing a delicious amount of friction between them as they grind into each other.
"It is good," Tine replies. "Gonna be even better once you're inside me."
All at once, Sarawat's vision whites out.
Blood rushes to his head, and he feels like it's going to burst. Only the sharp pang of Tine biting down on the meat of his shoulder causes a sharp gasp to pull oxygen back into his body, and Sarawat hears himself mumbling incoherently as Tine wrings out every inch of pleasure from his body before quickly following Sarawat and covering his hands with come.
It’s quicker this time, this orgasm, but it leaves Sarawat shaking and shuddering in Tine’s arms.
The thought of actually being inside Tine, sharing that moment together is something Sarawat desires more than anything.
Knowing that Tine wants it, wants him just as bad? Sarawat is going to have a hard time not letting that go to his head. For now, however, all he wants is to enjoy this moment to the fullest.
A disgusting, wonderful mixture of soap and semen slide down Sarawat's torso onto the floor. Unable to move from where he's leaning against the cool tile wall, gasping for air, Sarawat reaches out and detaches the shower head to wash away their mess.
Although no words are spoken, Sarawat and Tine slowly beginning to shower in earnest, taking turns washing each other's hair and bodies. It's intoxicatingly intimate, and Sarawat feels his heart swelling in his chest.
12 seconds.
That's how long it took Sarawat to fall in love with Tine.
Without even knowing a name, Sarawat fell head over heels for a boy with the most exuberant smile he's ever seen. In that moment, in those 12 seconds, Sarawat's course in life was set. There was nothing he wouldn't do to find that boy again, and by some miracle, he did.
Here they stand, together, bathing each other with soft yet assured hands, as lovers have done since time immemorial.
12 seconds.
As they towel off and head off to sleep for the night, safe and warm in each other's embrace, Sarawat can only think of one thing.
What took him so long?