Archive of Our Own

Even as all of Ibara’s plans crumbled because of those damned CosPro higher ups, at least the performance was all according to plan.

Just like he expected, Eden was met with the screams of thousands of fans as his idol unit was lifted up onto the stage. Ibara launched straight into his script, delivering it with practiced perfection, his amplified voice projecting right over the increasing noise of the crowd as he hammered every single word into the skulls of the humans below him. He had already injected the poison with those TV interviews, radio talk shows, and whatever other media he could get his hands on in order to saturate it all with Eden’s colours. This was the result of his hard work. This was the work of the fangs that he had so carefully sharpened, the venom that he had so carefully prepared. Unfortunately, it wasn’t going to be as effective anymore. The CosPro higher ups had unleashed a nuclear weapon, after all, and Eden was part of the collateral damage, but that didn’t mean that they weren’t going to give it their all. Ibara had been fighting uphill all his life. This level of stress wasn’t new to him, and if anything, he had been trained to take it.

The opening speech was just the beginning, and then the hip movements began. 

Ibara specifically remembered practicing, making sure to look as enticing as possible. All of the awkwardness and embarrassment had been pushed away long ago, as he resolved to weaponize every part of his being, including his body. He thought about the incoming cash, the graphs going up, the numbers rising… and he was willing to sacrifice a part of his dignity to achieve the money and power he so desperately wanted. After all, it was just a very simple physical act. A bit of rehearsal was all it took to make the movements smooth.

The crowd became absolutely feral as Eden thrust their hips. Ibara had already been tapping into the sinners within the fans, and finally, the lid had been opened. They were all in it together, in this lawless paradise, crying out to their heart’s content and revealing the deepest of their desires.

Ibara didn’t know about the rest of Eden, but he was certainly in full control of himself. It only took this performance to realise that even in this place where chaos thrived, he was the ruler of it all. He was the one who approved of this choreography, knowing the devastating effects that it had on their fans. He was the one who was willing to sell himself as a sinner just to be able to exact the revenge that he wanted so, so badly. 

Ibara smirked, thinking about the innocent children who were going to perform after them, after Eden was finished with dragging their audience down to the depths of a dark paradise. Trickstar, with all of their gross friendship and disgusting sparkliness, were supposed to be no match for the behemoth that was CosPro’s most powerful unit, and they should be overpowering them with ease. Eden had more raw talent. Eden had larger financial backing. Eden had more professional experience. Eden was supposed to be better in every single way, and yet the scandal happened and Ibara had to step in to protect Trickstar just because it was a part of protecting the idol business that had just started to rack in the money he wanted. 

The rest of the performance went by flawlessly, as expected of their power as a unit. Below them, every single fan may as well have had their souls sucked out of them, turned into puppets that could only worship and sing praises for their lord and saviour, Eden. 

This was the power of fanservice, he realised. Ibara almost laughed right then and there as the crowd’s volume grew to deafening levels.

Ibara never thought of himself as cute, or pretty, or any of those adjectives that made it seem like he was physically attractive in any way, even as fan mail constantly told him otherwise.

Their performance of The Genesis had taken the internet by storm, to say the least. There were so many social media posts about that particular section in the choreography, and Ibara knew that he had done his job well. The merchandise sales were rising, their job offers were increasing, the money was rolling in and Ibara thought that he couldn’t be happier, but there was no point in stopping here when he could reach even greater heights as a producer and idol. 

Dance in the Apocalypse was his answer.

Ibara couldn’t have been more thankful to the weather gods as the evening sky was decorated by distant lightning strikes, rolling thunder coming in just at the right moments in the music as Eden performed on stage. This was sinful , so sinful, that sometimes Ibara thought about what his past self would think of him now as he swung his hips in front of thousands of adoring fans, singing about vulgar and indecent things. Would he have been met with disgust? Confusion? Anger at how he hadn’t become any better from being a child soldier?

Practicing the choreography had been an interesting experience. The Genesis only had one segment that was considered lewd, but the majority of this dance was really something. Seeing himself doing this in the mirror was ever so slightly uncomfortable at first, but just a little bit of imagination was enough to do the trick, and soon, he was immersed in it. He imagined that he was dancing like his life depended on it, in a room filled with sweat, alcohol and cigarette smoke, and the amount of cash thrown at him and stuffed into his clothes increased proportionally to how delicious he appeared to be. He wasn’t a human anymore; he was a feast, devoured by the hungry eyes of his drooling audience, but he was also the one in control, turning up the heat to maximum levels to milk out as much money as he could.

Ibara was so lost in it that he forgot to watch himself, to make sure that his movements were as perfect as they could be. Luckily, the rest of Eden were present in the practice room to express some form of disbelief at how uncharacteristically invested he was into the choreography.

What did they all think about doing this?

For some reason Ibara was surprised at how eager Hiyori was to take up the dance and give it his all, especially considering his noble lineage (who would have thought that a princess had this side to him), and while Jun kept mostly quiet regarding his thoughts, all it took was some teasing for him to open up about his distaste for both the lyrics and the dance. However, he had no choice; he owed the rest of them his entire career, and Ibara was somewhat glad that Jun knew his place. Nagisa was obedient as usual, following the orders and instructions like he always did, but it wasn’t until after the live show when he expressed his opinion about the performance.

Usually, Nagisa gave Ibara a look of contentment after they had left the stage. Eden’s performances were always perfect after all, and Ibara’s satisfaction at this always increased just that little bit whenever he saw Nagisa’s approval, but this time, this expression was something different. Different from positive.
“Your Excellency, is something the matter?” The leader of Eden had never had this post-performance reaction before and his stomach sunk deeper and deeper with every single millisecond of silence that passed.
“... Ibara.”
“Yes?” Ibara had to tell himself to keep walking and not push his heels together and salute like he had been trained to as a child.

“... There was something about your singing and dancing that felt strange. I want to know whether-”
“We must hurry and commence pack-up! There is no time to be wasted!” Ibara immediately stopped it all before it could get worse. Nagisa was always hungry for more knowledge and if he got the slightest hint-

“... Okay.” Nagisa pouted, and that was that. The rest of the day went by without event and soon, Ibara was back in his bed, ready to call it a day and fall asleep.

He remembered Nagisa’s comment on his dancing and wondered whether he was, perhaps, a little too invested in the fanservice.

The Conquest live was a big hit, but one of the reasons was something that Ibara didn’t foresee.

After the show, almost every single social media post featured some kind of incoherent screaming (that much was normal) but then Ibara saw it. Hiyori had apparently caressed Jun’s cheek, completely on a whim, and every single fan was going absolutely wild over it. Ibara had been facing away from them on stage so he didn’t see it firsthand, but now he knew why there was a lot of noise from the audience at that particular section of the performance.

Usually unplanned things like this always caused a brief moment of panic considering how devastating any mistake could be to his image and career, but considering that this had created such a positive effect, he decided not to confront Hiyori about it. If anything, he owed Eve’s leader for increasing the popularity of Eden so much, just because of that small display of affection. 

It wouldn’t be fair if Adam didn’t do something similar in the future.

Despite Adam’s masculine image, Ibara had no problems with coming up with some kind of equivalent, but unlike what Hiyori had done, this was all going to be prepared beforehand. Nagisa was unpredictable, Nagisa had always been unpredictable considering his identity hadn’t been truly formed yet, and Ibara didn’t trust him to be able to play along when it came to unscripted actions.

“Alright, so in this section of the song, you need to put your index finger under my chin, lift it up so that I’m looking at you, lean in a bit and look at me in the eye!”
“... Okay.”
“Let’s give it a try!”

Ibara realised that he had just described some typical shoujo romance manga scene with a straight face, but they were in the middle of practice and Nagisa was already following his instructions, executing them as if he had done so a billion times already. Ibara thought this was going to be okay, and that the slightest touch was all it took and then it would be over, but years of not having any physical affection whatsoever caught up to him. Nagisa’s face was close. Ibara could feel his breath mingling with Nagisa’s. Nagisa’s gaze pierced right through Ibara’s soul and their faces got impossibly closer. That finger on his chin was so powerful that it kept his head still all on its own. Nagisa’s lips were slightly parted.

Ibara shoved Nagisa away, doing his best to keep his violently beating heart in his chest.
“... Was it not good?” Nagisa asked with the most innocent expression in the world.
“I-it was almost perfect!” Ibara replied a little too quickly. “I’d just like to ask you to not lean in so close next time!”
“... Why not? Wouldn’t it look better if I go as close as possible?”
“It’s to prevent accidents from happening!”
“... Okay.” Nagisa looked ever so slightly disappointed and Ibara felt ever so slightly guilty.

Besides, it would be bad if they accidentally kissed on stage.

And Ibara couldn’t believe that it almost happened.

In every single practice after that moment, Nagisa always made sure that there was a respectable distance between their faces, but when it came to the actual performance with a hundred cameras and thousands of eyes on them, the leader of Eden went for it. He tilted his head, leaning in far closer than he usually did-

Nagisa had chosen the absolutely worst time to disobey.

Ibara froze as he temporarily forgot about everything else, the performance, the roar of the crowd beneath them, the song, the lights, the money that he’d get from doing this. Nagisa Ran was forced into his mind, pushing everything out of the way, and it was as if someone had pressed the pause button on real life, except everything was affected apart from Ibara’s mind. He couldn’t move, Nagisa wasn’t moving, and those slightly-parted lips were so, so close to his own, and Ibara was so terrified of their mouths connecting that he almost died from a heart attack right there and then. He wouldn’t be surprised if he found a white hair on his head after this performance. 

Time started moving again and Ibara was thrown back into the performance, doing his damn best to make it look like all of it was intentional and his heart wasn’t about to jump out of his mouth. 

For the first time in years, Ibara didn’t fall asleep the moment his head hit the pillow.

Ibara’s stamina had built up substantially over the time he had been an idol, but even then, live shows were still exhausting and he always looked forward to resting at the end of a performance day. These were the only days when he was too tired to submit to the temptations of his tablet and more work, but today, he was very, very wide awake. Not even caffeine could bring him to this level of awareness.

That moment, that damn moment on the stage played itself in Ibara’s head over and over again like a broken record that he couldn’t unplug or shut down. Nagisa’s intense blood orange eyes, the slight blush, that one bead of sweat that rolled down his forehead from the physical exertion of the dance, the gloved finger on his chin that paralysed his whole body, the heat of his breath as his face leaned in closer and closer…

Their lips brushed. Ibara jolted upright, reassuring himself that no, they did not kiss on stage and that it was just a figment of his imagination. Just a figment of his imagination. Just some stupid shit that his tired mind made up for whatever reason. 

Ibara had never considered taking a day off ever since he received that inheritance all those years ago, but maybe this was a sign that he needed one, to stop himself from going insane from overwork.

The sweet, sweet money was rolling in, like some addictive drug that there was never enough of. Money meant power, control, everything that Ibara had been denied in the earlier stages of his life, and if he had an opportunity to make more, there was no way that he was going to at least give it some consideration. 

More fanservice, Ibara thought, was a great idea at boosting Eden’s income and popularity even further. Of course, it was going to be taken up another notch, and Ibara felt a little too giddy at the prospect of more money . 

Now all he needed to do was think of something. More physical contact, check. Just a tease to make the fans want to come back for more, check. Easy to execute, check.

Nagisa was willing to do it all, check.

Nagisa was willing to do a lot of things anyhow, and it helped tremendously that he preferred being ordered around, over finding his own way with things. As usual, Ibara explained what was going to happen, but his heart was already speeding up in anticipation, no matter how hard he tried to tell himself that this was strictly fanservice and that there were no feelings behind anything he was doing.

As Ibara had instructed, they stepped closer to each other, close enough that Ibara had to stop himself from recoiling. He was following his own instructions, Nagisa was following his instructions, they were just following instructions . He just needed to put his fingertips on Nagisa’s chest, drag them down a little, give him a gentle push and that was it, all while Nagisa did the same. Just a very simple action that was extremely easy to perform. The amount of time of contact was probably around two seconds. Nothing more. This was the only time Ibara needed to touch Nagisa in the dance. This was the only time Nagisa needed to touch Ibara in the dance. Hell, this was supposed to be the easiest part in the whole thing.

Yet, every single part of Ibara’s being was treating this like this was going to be the most important fight of his life. 

His fingertips had almost connected with their intended target and before all of the nerves could take over Ibara completely, he dug back into his mind, desperately trying to think of something to help him settle into the mood. 

Lovers.

The word disgusted him, but for now, it would have to do. He knew nothing about what being a lover was supposed to be like, nor did he know what lovers did, hell he didn’t even know what friends were supposed to be like. Touching another person’s chest was supposed to be an intimate act, a display of affection. Maybe a gentle gaze would be good? Ibara closed his eyes for a moment, trying to imagine that Nagisa was something, someone that he would spend the rest of his life treasuring. Someone that he was born and destined to meet. Someone who was more than just a business partner. More than a friend. A soulmate? That could work. Just for this moment, Nagisa was someone who could break if he touched him a little too roughly, someone who could crumble and disappear if Ibara even looked at him without all the tenderness in the world. 

His fingertips touched Nagisa’s chest. Nagisa’s fingertips touched his chest. There was no sudden magic moment when the stars aligned and their souls connected, just the two of them in a soundproof practice room accompanied by the faint whirring of the air conditioning. As planned, they gave each other a gentle push, a signal to separate and continue on with the rest of the dance. Despite the fact that Ibara had maintained contact for the perfect amount of time, it felt like it lasted far longer than necessary.

“Alright, that was good! Let’s practice leading into it and coming out of it.” Ibara announced, setting the music to play, hoping that Nagisa was completely oblivious to his internal turmoil.

A few more times, and Ibara had the acting down perfectly. With repetition, Nagisa began to mimic his expressions.
“Your Excellency, what do you think?” Ibara put his hands on his hips.
“... I like it.”

“It’s good to hear that there are no issues! Let’s move on.”
“... I like the way that you look at me, Ibara.”
“Ahahahaha! Please keep in mind that it’s all acting! We’re just business partners, after all.”
“... I wonder.”

Ibara could see the slightest hint of disappointment in Nagisa’s expression, but it disappeared as quickly as it came.

On stage, when everything was on the line, they went for it. Ibara hoped that there wasn’t going to be some kind of repeat of the previous incident, and to his despair, something really did happen.

Except the problem wasn’t that Nagisa did something out of the blue.

It was supposed to just a brush of the fingertips, nothing more, just a little something to please the fans and let them know that they were definitely getting their money’s worth in this live show, but Ibara’s heart was pounding so loudly and violently that it almost drowned out the music that was playing through his headset. Even as his mind short circuited, his body moved on from all of those hours spent in the practice room, and he placed his fingertips on Nagisa’s chest. As Nagisa’s fingers made contact with his, it was as if Nagisa had sapped him of all of his energy, and his legs threatened to buckle and collapse right there despite the fact that he had more than enough physical strength to perform for hours on end.

Ibara moved his hand down slightly, and then he felt it. He felt Nagisa’s heartbeat. A heartbeat so strong that Ibara could feel it on his fingertips, through the thin fabric of the outfit.

It wasn’t unusual for some of the adrenaline rush to remain for some time after a performance, but Ibara’s heart failed to calm down even as his mind did.
“... Ibara. Are you okay?” Despite his best efforts at hiding his breathing exercises, Nagisa still noticed, shooting a concerned expression at the producer.
“Rest be assured that everything is fine, Your Excellency!”
“... Is your heart unable to stop too?”
“You saw right through me! As you can see, I’m trying to calm it down.”
“... If we’re both like this, then… perhaps we have grown closer? Maybe we are becoming one in body and soul, like Eve.”

“Is this because we have increased our amount of physical contact on stage? Please do not get the wrong idea, all of this is for the sake of fanservice!”
“... But I could feel that connection.”
“Of course we need to stay connected for our performances, they would not be perfect otherwise!”
“... Ibara. Your expression… was it not real?”
“Don’t let it get to you too much! We’re both tired after all, perhaps it would be best if we pack up quickly so we can rest as soon as possible.”

Ibara hadn’t anticipated that his plans would go this way, and he didn’t like it one bit.

Ibara’s heart finally slowed down after he saluted and said goodbye to Nagisa for the night.

Finally, the frustration got to him, and instead of going to his dorm, he beelined straight to his office, with plans on immersing himself with so much work that he could forget about the events of that live and all the confusing emotions that came with it. 

Ibara booted up the computer. He opened a proposal he had been working on. He checked for errors. He typed a few words. He made an edit. He went to type more words, but kept on having to press backspace because they weren’t coming out right. A minute later, one whole sentence got completed. Another minute later, another whole sentence got completed. The next minute, only half a sentence. He left the proposal at that and went to check his email. There were two unread emails. One was about idol work. He tried to think of a way to respond. His brain refused to work. He opened up the other unread email. He read it several times to attempt to understand what it was saying. Again, his brain refused to work. He went back to the proposal. That mental wall stood there and it refused to budge.

Ibara let out an extremely exasperated sigh.

Ibara couldn’t believe that he had made the decision to tone things down a little just because his stupid pea-sized brain couldn’t handle the person known as Nagisa Ran.

All of those emotions were completely unnecessary, and yet he was feeling all of it. He wished he could forget how to feel. It was gross and disgusting and distracting, and the unease never failed to creep up to him like he was being stalked by a predator. The worst part was that Nagisa was curious and still learning about himself and the world around him, and was too willing to face the emotions than Ibara would have liked. The problem wasn’t that Nagisa wanted to feel, it was that Ibara was involved in it too and as a result, Ibara had to politely and quietly brush everything aside in hopes that Nagisa would give up one day. 

Unfortunately, that day never came. The days went by and it felt like Ibara was standing right next to a ticking time bomb that he couldn’t defuse, and when that bomb exploded, he’d be forced to confront everything that he wanted to run away from. 

They were on stage as Eden for another live, and the choreography dictated that Nagisa and Ibara were to brush shoulders as they walked past each other. Ibara could handle this fine during practice. It wasn’t like he was touching Nagisa’s chest, or like he was being looked straight in the eye by Nagisa, it was just the brushing of shoulders. Hell, he’d done this with other staff and even Anzu, during the extremely rare occasion when his focus hadn’t been on point and he failed to step out of the way on time. Brushing shoulders was something everyone did. Ibara was confident that this was going to be fine, and then everything was going to be okay, and then afterwards he’d get changed, pack up, go back to his dorm, brush his teeth, and then go to sleep after revising tomorrow’s schedule.

Everything flew by too quickly. One moment, they were facing each other, and then next…

Nagisa grabbed the back of Ibara’s head and their lips connected in one swift motion.

Ibara’s brain stopped before it restarted again at a thousand miles an hour. His body and voice went off on its own, singing and dancing the rest of the choreography after he and Nagisa passed each other. His mind jumped rapidly between the performance and that moment. He was only faintly aware of the screaming of the crowd. Did they scream when that thing happened? Ibara didn’t know. Ibara couldn’t afford to think about it. Ibara didn’t want to think about it as he carried on in almost mechanical fashion, as if Nagisa had sucked the life out of him with what he just did. 

The rest of the live was a blur. Ibara didn’t really know what Nagisa, Hiyori or Jun were doing, before during the performance and after they had walked off stage. Were they talking about the live? Thinking about what they’d do after packing up? Now that the performance wasn’t distracting him anymore, Ibara could only think of that . It was supposed to be gross. It was supposed to be disgusting. It was supposed to be absolute revolting, because that was what feelings were like. 

A tiny little bit of something shone through it all. To his absolute horror, it was-

“... Ibara.” 

Ibara didn’t even bother to read Nagisa’s expression as he cleared his throat. “Unfortunately, I have no time for idle chit-chat today, as I have some work that urgently needs my attention!” At this point, his brain was running on autopilot. He needed to do something, anything that would get him away from people as quickly as possible.

No words were exchanged between the Adam duo as they changed out of their unit outfits and packed up. The instant everything was done, Ibara grabbed his tablet and made a dash to his office, as if literally running was going to do anything to help him escape his feelings.

When Ibara sat down at his desk and booted up his computer, suddenly everything came crashing down. Nagisa had kissed him on stage. Nagisa had kissed him on stage. Nagisa had fucking kissed him on stage . He was sure that social media was going to go crazy and that a billion reporters were going to call him to ask about it, and the last thing he wanted was to think about being kissed. 

Could he even remember the feeling of Nagisa’s lips on his? He realised that the answer was no, not really. The event was probably so traumatic that his brain was already working to block it out and pretend that it never happened and that it was all a dream and he’d wake up and everything would be back to normal. Just when he thought that his emotions were going to calm down, they reared up again, and Ibara was back on stage again, about to walk past Nagisa again when-

No. No. No no no. It was just a kiss. That’s it. That action meant nothing. Absolutely nothing. Nagisa didn’t have feelings for him. He didn’t have feelings for Nagisa. They just pressed their lips together. No saliva exchange occurred. That moment lasted a split second at the longest, because Ibara didn’t miss his cue. There was nothing special about what they did. The fans went wild for no reason at all. Nagisa did it just because. Ibara didn’t resist it because otherwise it would have looked strange in the performance. The rest of the live went fine. Nothing else out of the question happened- no, nothing out of the question happened. Nothing at all. 

Ibara opened up a proposal that he had been working on, but every single time, his mind went straight back to that . He almost slammed his desk out of pure rage when there was a knock on the door. 

He needed this alone time. He never had appointments at this hour; hell, he wasn’t even supposed to be here. Ibara might have rarely gone back to his dorm, but he always made a point to rest after lives, with recent times being an exception. He couldn’t think of who could possibly be wanting to visit him until the guest entered his office uninvited.

The person he wanted to escape from the most walked in, closing the door behind him.
“... Ibara.”
“Why are you here, Your Excellency? It’s vital that you rest after a live.” Ibara’s patience was already wearing thin and he had no energy left to refine his tone and words like he usually did.
“... I wanted to talk to you, but you ran away.”
“I have work to do! I’m busy right now, so it would be appreciated if you left me alone.”
“... I want to talk to you now, Ibara.”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t have time right now.”

“Ibara.” 

It was that low, threatening tone that Ibara knew so well. He remembered all of those days perfecting Nagisa’s persona before the creation of ES, making sure that every single part of Nagisa’s being radiated a godly power on stage. Now, all of his hard work was being used against him. In most situations, Ibara would remember when his life was on the line as Nagisa dangled him from the edge of the roof, but this time, that memory held no power over him.
“Your Excellency. Please leave me alone.”
“Let me talk to you.”
“I have work-”
“Did you not understand me? I said that I want to talk to you right now.”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t.”
“You lied about work, didn’t you?”
“...”
“You don’t want to talk to me. Isn’t that right?”

Once Nagisa was set on getting something, it was impossible to stop him. Ibara stood up from his chair and walked around his desk towards his fellow unit member.
“What did you want to discuss, Your Excellency?”
“... I want to talk about what happened on stage today.” Nagisa reverted back to his normal self. There was no need to remain in that other persona now that he had Ibara’s full attention.
“Why did you do it.”
“... I don’t know.”
“Is that it? You don’t know? Do you understand how much fucking trouble this will cause me? The media will be all over this, and I have to handle everything! This situation could have been avoided if you had stuck to your choreography and performed as planned, instead of doing your own thing like a fucking idiot!” 

Ibara took a few deep breaths to stop himself from exploding. Nagisa didn’t react.
“Next time, I ask that you don’t do anything spontaneous! It’s not only for your sake, or Eden’s sake, but for mine as well. Now I have to come up with something to tell everyone else as we’re not even dating!”
“... Why don’t we just start dating now?” 

Holy fucking shit.

“We are not going to be dating.”
“... Why not?”
“I am your producer. You are an idol that I manage. It’s completely inappropriate for us to have this kind of relationship, otherwise it will get in the way of our work!”
“... How?”
“Do you even understand what love is?”
“... No, I don’t.”
“Then this conversation is over.”
“... But I will only be able to truly understand it if I experience it. Being in a relationship is different to reading about it.”

Tiredness caught up to Ibara’s brain and he had no way of responding to Nagisa without making no sense.
“... Maybe I kissed you because I love you.” Nagisa spoke after a short silence.
“Maybe you feel that way towards me only because I’m a descendent of the Godfather.”
“... Hmm. Perhaps.”
“So you don’t love who I really am, after all. Good to hear that you still have some sanity.”
“... Did you enjoy the kiss?”

No, Ibara did not enjoy the kiss. There was no way that he did. In no timeline would he ever enjoy the kiss. Definitely, absolutely not. Ibara opened his mouth to respond, but for whatever reason, nothing came out of his mouth. The answer was so easy. Ibara just needed to say a single word, and his response was something he truly believed from the bottom of his heart and soul. So why wasn’t his body letting him move? Nagisa continued with the questions before Ibara could do anything.

“... Am I talking to the vice president of Cosmic Production? Or the producer of Eden? Or the real Ibara?” What a stupid question. Nagisa was talking to Ibara after all. What part of that did he not know? As Ibara’s brain began to boil inside his head in anger, his body froze, including his voice. 

“... Why are you ignoring me, Ibara?”

Ibara finally gained control of himself. 

“Leave. Now.” Ibara channeled all of the venom he could muster.
“... Ibara.” As if saying his name over and over was going to work.
“Forget that this meeting ever happened.” Ibara paused. “Even better, I want you to forget that the kiss on stage ever happened.”

“... Maybe this all happened because of fate.” 

Fate? Nagisa believed in fate? Ibara wanted to laugh, but Nagisa continued as his previous words echoed in Ibara’s head.

“... If that is true, then I will never forget this moment.”

No more of that touchy-feely fanservice. That was it. Nagisa had crossed the line and Ibara was not going to give him another opportunity to do it again. Were the fans going to be disappointed? Probably. For the first time in his life, he cared less about the money and more about suppressing the emotions that rampaged within him whenever he thought about that one moment that destroyed everything. Money meant power and control, but right now, money didn’t give him control over the thing that he needed to reign in. 

Going about everyday life was easy for the most part; Ibara had perfected the art of hiding any sort of discomfort he may have been feeling. Shared lunches with the rest of Eden went by as smoothly as usual, and the same could be said for group practice, work and whatever live shows they had. Eve continued with the odd touch here and there, but at least Hiyori knew how to respect Jun’s boundaries, unlike a certain white-haired male who was ignorant enough not to know that what he did was completely wrong. 

As time went on, Ibara found that he wanted to leave practice as quickly as possible, not only because he had work but Nagisa was becoming increasingly interested in talking to him. Ibara was having none of it. He was busy after all. Besides, talking about that situation made him feel vulnerable and uncomfortable and even slightly queasy because kisses were gross and Ibara didn’t want to be reminded of the disgusting sensation that accompanied a kiss. Time and time again, Nagisa gave him that familiar look, and time and time again, Ibara would make up some excuse to disengage. Nagisa eventually grew smart enough to attempt to steer casual or work conversation in that direction whenever the situation was appropriate, but Ibara was far more adept at socialising, dodging all of Nagisa’s bullets with ease.

This went on for a solid week. Ibara thought that he would have felt relieved when Nagisa gave up, but it only caused another unexplainable discomfort in his chest to rise whenever he saw Nagisa’s sad expression. 

“Hey, Ibara.” Jun called out after practice ended, when Nagisa and Hiyori had already departed. Most of the time, group practice was well and Nagisa would give everyone a satisfied smile, especially to Ibara, but for the past week, the leader of Eden had exited the room without so much as an announcement of his leaving.
“What is it, Jun?”

“Are you and Nagi-senpai fighting?”

Ibara adjusted his glasses in an effort to hide the mounting dread at the thought of having to even think about all of the exchanges that he had with Nagisa during the past week. “Why is that your concern?”
“We’re in the same unit. Besides, it wouldn’t be good if we have fighting, you know.”
“Why are you asking anyway?” Ibara put his hands on his hips.
“I want to help if I can.”
“It’ll die down with time. There’s no need to get yourself involved in unnecessary things.”
“Don’t you think it’s better to nip the problem in the bud, before it becomes harder to solve in the future?”

Jun had a point. Ibara hated it.
“Are you ignoring me?” Jun pointed out as Ibara silently gathered his belongings.
“... Let’s discuss this in my office.” 

The journey to the office was a lot more tense than Ibara would have liked. Usually, Ibara could feel somewhat at peace with Jun compared to the older members of Eden considering their ages were similar, but this time, it took everything in his power to stop the tension in his shoulders and his posture as they walked through the corridors and took the elevator together. 

Soon, both of them were seated on opposite-facing couches in Ibara’s rather cosy working space.
“Is this about the time that Nagi-senpai kissed you on stage?”
“What makes you think so?”
“You started acting really distant towards him after that happened. I know that things have been really chaotic recently, but I don’t think giving him a cold shoulder is the right thing to do.”

Jun had brain cells, Ibara realised. Of course, Ibara was thankful that he didn’t have to produce for someone who was stupid, but in specific situations like this, it wasn’t helping him in the slightest. Dumber people were still easier to control, after all.

“He keeps on trying to say that his actions meant something, and I’ve already told him that a relationship is impossible. His Excellency is unnecessarily drawing this out.” Ibara explained, crossing his arms.
“Every time I see him trying to bring it up, you always cut him off in some way or another. Have you even let him talk in the first place?”
“Yes.”
“Well, it looks like he has more to say.”
“I don’t need to hear it.”
“I thought he was your treasure.”

Jun was getting good at riling Ibara up and Ibara wondered why Jun thought it was okay to act with this amount of disrespect considering Ibara was the one in control of his entire career. He continued before Ibara had the chance to call it out.
“Nagi-senpai doesn’t seem like the kind of person to do things with bad intentions. He probably… hmm… I don’t know why he did it, but I don’t think he’d know that it would end up causing you so much trouble. Maybe you should forgive him?”
“Forgiving does nothing to help the situation.”
“Forgiving doesn’t mean that you’ll start doing things on stage again or anything like that, it’s supposed to help you move on from it. What’s done is done, right? It might even affect your work or Nagi-senpai’s work if you keep on dwelling on it.”
“...”

“Are you sure you’re okay, Ibara?”

When was the last time anyone had been genuinely concerned about him? Nagisa was definitely a first, even as Ibara reassured him every single time that everything was okay (including situations when it was clearly the latter). Jun was beginning to sound like a second and that didn’t sit well with Ibara.
“Things would be falling apart right now if I wasn’t okay. I’ve managed to keep things under control.”
“Yeah, the media’s under control, but I don’t think you are. Usually you put up a mask so thick that no one can see through it, but it’s kind of beginning to break down, you know~?”
“...” Jun had already made it apparent in the past that he knew that Ibara put up a front while with others, and he struggled to understand why Jun brought it up again. Was it something to get Ibara to talk about something?
“Maybe it’ll help if you thought about why you feel this way?”

The memories were coming back and Ibara was in no shape or form to think properly.
“Ibara?” Jun asked when the producer didn’t immediately respond.
“Sorry, Jun. As you can see, I’m not in the best of moods.”
“If you’re zoning out like that, you should probably take a break instead of staying up working.” 

“There’s no need for you to be concerned about my wellbeing. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.” Ibara snapped. Jun shrugged.
“Doesn’t sound like you’re good at taking care of your emotions. I mean, if Ohii-san suddenly kissed me on stage like that, I’d feel pretty messed up too.”
“I’m glad to hear that we share the same opinion regarding this issue.”
“You’re probably having it a lot worse than me because you’ve never really been close to people, right? When I first became a part of Eve, Ohii-san was touching me a lot during practice and that was really uncomfortable. I think you’re feeling pretty bad because you’re not remotely used to that kind of thing at all.”
“What are you trying to say?”
“I’m trying to comfort you by saying that what you’re going through right now is completely justified.” 

Jun stood up from the couch as the silence stretched.
“You should probably talk to Nagi-senpai after you’ve calmed down, so you can properly put an end to all of this. I bet he still doesn’t understand why you’re feeling this way, and it looks like he’s feeling pretty hurt because you’re ignoring him.”
“...” Ibara tried to come up with an appropriate response, but suddenly he was in that moment again, on stage when there were a billion cameras and fans and penlights, and then Nagisa grabbed the back of his head-
“I’ve said what I’ve wanted to say, so I’ll be going now. I hope it all works out between you guys.”

The door shut behind Jun. Ibara didn’t move from the couch for the next thirty minutes.

Ibara wasn’t sure how to feel when he checked his social media, noting the amount of times fans have mentioned that they were sad that Adam weren’t giving out the fanservice they wanted, especially after that happened.

This wasn’t anything new. The fans always wanted more. Ibara should have anticipated it. Humans were always hungry for more and more and more. They were never satisfied. But before, Ibara had been perfectly comfortable with tapping into this carnal desire for the sake of profits. He remembered why he was up here on the corporal ladder, why he was so successful: he had put aside his emotions for the sake of raising those numbers. Now, more than ever, he wanted to be able to push all of this discomfort to the back of his mind, wipe his memory and pretend that the incident never happened, and go back to doing fanservice again with Nagisa and watch as the cash rolled in.

The solution was sitting in front of him. It was so simple, and yet, Ibara found it excruciatingly difficult to find the willpower to execute it, even though he had already demonstrated extraordinary amounts of it throughout his lifetime.

It was definitely unusual for Ibara to get unexpected visitors at this time of the evening, especially when he was right about to get himself some dinner from the cafeteria. It was also unusual for Nagisa to invite himself to the office without having an appointment with him.

Judging by the power of his footsteps as he entered the office, the strong and impossibly straight stature, the gaze that pierced right through Ibara’s skull, Ibara knew that this wasn’t going to be pretty. Ibara turned to look at his sudden guest.
“Your Excellency. I’d appreciate it if you could let me know in advance if you were coming.”
“You’d simply say that you’re busy and you don’t have time.”
“What do you want?”

Nagisa relaxed. He looked down at the ground, his expression softening.

“... I’m sorry.”

This already wasn’t going as planned. Nagisa continued before Ibara had a chance to respond.

“... Hiyori-kun said that I should have gotten your permission before I did it, even if I really liked you. He also said that I made it worse by doing it on stage, in front of our audience.”

Hiyori had hit the nail on the head, and Ibara couldn’t believe that this had to be spelled out for Nagisa.

“Is that all you wanted to say?” Ibara may have calmed down a little, but he was still angry at the way Nagisa had intruded.
“... It’s okay if you don’t forgive me.”

Forgiveness. Ibara had learned over the years that sometimes, forgiving could make an asset perform even better for him than ever before. However, in most situations, it was revealing his back again, just so he could get stabbed a second time. Ibara knew that it was always a case-by-case decision, after careful judgement of the situation at hand, but he couldn’t think of a single time when he thought that forgiving would be the most ideal response.

The problem was, this was completely different. In all of those past cases, forgiving or not forgiving determined whether he was going to fire someone, or stop investing into something, but there was no way Ibara was going to fire Nagisa, or change anything regarding his professional relationship with him. Nagisa was CosPro’s biggest talent. Ibara was his producer. Ibara may have stopped doing fanservice-y things with Nagisa as an idol, but in the end Ibara was still handling his schedule, managing his social media, and taking care of his physical health. In this situation, forgiving was all about… Ibara didn’t know.

Ibara realised that he had no idea how to forgive.

Nagisa looked up at Ibara again and… were those tears in the corners of his eyes?
“... We don’t get to see each other often anymore. I miss you a lot. I wanted to cherish every bit of time I got to spend with you, even on stage. Whenever we’re apart, I think about you. Maybe that’s why I thought that it could be love that I feel towards you. I… I want to be with you more.”
“...” This situation was proving time and time again how bad Ibara was with emotions. Even Nagisa was doing a better job at it and he had spent the most important years of his life in isolation. 

“... Please let me see you more, Ibara.”

All the power was in Ibara’s hands, the ball was in his court to play. Here Nagisa was, pouring his heart out to someone who had no idea what it meant to love. Ibara didn’t consider himself to have the capacity to feel something like that, but that expression that Nagisa was wearing tugged at Ibara’s heart enough that it almost hurt. It would be so, so easy for Ibara to put his business mask on, see Nagisa as his most valuable asset, and give the most professional response the world because he was a businessman, and his feats as a businessman were what gave him everything that he had so desperately wanted as a child. Power. Money. The opportunity to step on and grind his heel into everyone who doubted or laughed at him, or so much as lifted a finger against him. 

Ibara’s brain refused to work the way he wanted it to. Nagisa’s facial expressions were always subtle and it was no different this time, but it was as if the sadness he was currently experiencing was absolutely soul-crushing and it was all Ibara’s fault. That’s right. All Ibara’s fault that Nagisa was feeling this way and Ibara hated taking responsibility for things that he wanted to run away from.

Before, Ibara thought that he was the one in control of the situation considering Nagisa was the one requesting something, but he realised with some despair that this was far from the case. Nagisa's voice had dropped down to almost a whisper when he said those words and that was doing strange things to Ibara’s brain. Nagisa’s soft frown and eyes were doing strange things to Ibara’s brain. Nagisa Ran was doing strange things to Ibara’s brain, all because he was Nagisa Ran. Ibara’s most valuable asset. Ibara’s partner in Adam. An idol in the unit Ibara produced for. And also, Ibara’s-

“As you know, Your Excellency, I am constantly busy with my work, but I will do my best to see you more often, so please don’t be sad!” 

To be honest, Ibara didn’t really think about his response properly before it all came spilling out of his mouth. For a moment, he was worried about Nagisa interpreting his message as something way more than what he actually said, but then he remembered that Nagisa was, fortunately in this case, not great at reading between the lines.

Nagisa’s mood switched immediately, like he was some sad puppy that was suddenly being offered a treat. Before Ibara knew it, he was in Nagisa’s arms.

“Your Excellency! I’ve told you not to move too suddenly towards me, or I may fall back onto old habits and attack you accidentally!” 

For some reason, Nagisa took this as some cue to hug Ibara tighter, which further pressed Ibara’s body into his. Ibara was suddenly aware of everything that was happening to him. It was no different to those times on stage when time slowed down for everything except for him. His face was planted into Nagisa’s muscular shoulder. Nagisa’s arms had wrapped around Ibara’s body, with Nagisa’s hands resting on the ball of Ibara’s back. Ibara’s arms were awkwardly at his sides, squeezed into him by Nagisa’s arms. Ibara could feel Nagisa’s heart pounding through Nagisa’s shirt. Ibara could also feel his own heartbeat pounding in the confines of his chest. Ibara could feel Nagisa’s warmth surrounding him. 

Ibara could feel the tension in his body drain away. Since when was he tense? Was this the power of hugs? No way. Physical affection wasn’t supposed to feel this nice, except it did. Ibara couldn’t bring himself to push Nagisa away. Was this his way of showing that he forgave Nagisa? Ibara wasn’t sure.

Ibara didn’t realise that he had hugged Nagisa back until it was too late.