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Exhaustion settled heavy in her bones as she bid Kane a good night and hauled herself up and out of his office. Another meeting gone on too long, the sun disappearing behind the mountains hours ago at this point.
Clarke dragged herself along the halls of the downed Ark, her mind sorting through what had been discussed with Kane. Before she knew it she was slipping through the door of her room and collapsing on her bed. She rolled her neck and shoulders, twisting to stretch a little in an attempt to ease some of the tension that she always found coiled in her muscles by the end of every day.
She huffed, unable to alleviate the tightness and flopped back into the pillows. She needed to relax, needed to get some sleep and be ready to do it all again tomorrow.
Letting her mind wander back through the day, Clarke began a mental check list of things she would have to deal with tomorrow. She smirked to herself, acknowledging how lame it was that this was how she fell asleep most nights. She doubted anyone else drifted off thinking about the survival of the human race.
She had gone over food supply with Monty this morning, agreeing things were looking good as they headed into winter. Miller had insisted they take out extra hunting parties later in the day to continue to stock up. Octavia was already out with Lincoln doing some mapping, leaving Miller to take on the evening hunt with -
Clarke’s eyes popped open, mentally kicking herself.
Bellamy.
Bellamy had gone out with Miller in the late afternoon, and Clarke had promised to meet him for dinner to go over her meeting.
She groaned, laying her arm over her eyes as she considered hauling herself up to make it to the dining hall, knowing full well it was already closed for the day. She would see him in the morning, she always did, and she’s sure he would have rather gone home to clean up after hunting than sit down to talk politics and planning with her.
Her mind wandered then, the exhaustion creeping in, letting thoughts of Bellamy take over. Thinking about him, glistening with sweat out in the forest hunting, pulling his shirt up to wipe a smudge of dirt from his face, that same shirt falling to the floor as he stepped into the showers, well that all seemed like a much better thing to fall asleep to than her survival checklist.
She bit her lip, considering the tension knotting her muscles from head to toe, and let her hands slip down her body. She slid her fingers inside her pants, sighing at just the feather light touch against her underwear, and decided this may be the relaxation she was looking for.
Without giving herself a chance to hesitate, she quickly shoved her bottoms down her legs, hiking her shirt up enough expose her nipples, already peaking at the thoughts swirling around in her head. Her one hand drifted back down between her legs while the other circled her nipple. She could feel the tension bleeding from her as she sighed, focusing on the feel of her fingers gently rubbing her clit, images of big brown eyes and freckles flashing through her mind. She allowed herself to moan softly, goosebumps scattering across her arms at the thrill of letting herself enjoy this.
“Clarke?” a voice called, the squeal of the door hinges, the clattering of metal to the floor.
Her eyes flew open, wrestling to cover herself as she her mind raced to figure out what was going on.
Bellamy stood frozen in the door way, a bowl of food spilled at his feet, eyes wide and his face quickly changing from pale to bright red.
“I - uh - fuck” he scrubbed a hand over his face, body hesitating between scooping up the spilled food or bolting back out the door.
Clarke had managed to cover up by now, but was also frozen in pure shock. Their eyes met briefly, causing her face to turn impossibly more red, before he spoke again.
“You never came to dinner, so I - sorry,” he said, words jumbling together, before he turned and all but ran out the door, slamming it behind him.
Clarke hung her head in her hands, feeling on the brink of vomiting or maybe crying, taking deep breaths to steady her racing heart. She stood, cleaning up the mess of food on the floor as her mind raced trying to figure out how to handle this. With a resigned sigh she flopped back into bed, face first into her pillow to try and stifle the urge to scream. So much for trying to relax
•••
His mind was racing as he made it to his room, slamming the door and leaning back against the cool metal. It did little to cool the heat flaring under his skin, but he allowed himself a moment to steady his breaths.
What the fuck.
Bellamy couldn’t get the image out of his head. Clarke laying there, skin flushed and lips parted as she touched herself, soft moans drifting across the room before he processed what was happening. He had dropped her dinner, made a mess of his nice gesture and probably their relationship as he continued to stand there gaping at her.
He slammed his head back against the door.
What the fuck.
And yet, as the image continued to flood his brain, he felt the heat of arousal rising in his stomach. He cursed under his breath again, willing himself to think of something else that wouldn’t lead him to touching himself over thinking of Clarke touching herself.
“Fuck!” He groaned, beginning to pace as he tried to figure out what to do next. Did he ignore this, carry on tomorrow like it never happened? Did he apologize again, explain himself? Did he tell her he wanted to stay? To take over with his own fingers, his lips?
Nope. Definitely not that one.
He collapsed on his bed, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes and willing sleep to come quickly tonight.
•••
Clarke couldn't help but fidget as she sat in the dining hall, picking at her breakfast and glancing at the door every few seconds hoping to see Bellamy. She had gone through a handful of ways to explain herself to him as she made her way here this morning, but has since decided this might be more of a forgive and forget situation. And, if she knew Bellamy, he would let the guilt of walking in on her eat away at him until they talked about it.
She watched most of her friends come and go before her restlessness get the better of her. She jogged up to Miller and Jackson on their way out.
"Hey!" she breathed, not giving them time to respond, "Have you guys seen Bellamy?"
Confusion creased Miller's brow before he responded, "No, he went to meet up with Octavia and Lincoln to help with mapping for the day. He didn't tell you?"
She paused, replaying the last couple days worth of conversations and coming up with no mention of this.
He must be avoiding her.
"Oh yeah, no maybe he did, must have slipped my mind. Thanks," she said, tossing her dishes in the return and heading out into camp.
She wandered aimlessly, trying to piece together how to handle this. She has to talk to him, that much is clear, but avoiding her seemed extreme even for him.
She continued about her day as planned, trying to ignore the nagging in her mind that most days these tasks were done with Bellamy by her side. His absence seemed more noticeable now that her mind kept pulling her back into the night before, the images floating through her mind in the moments before he had come into the room, the flush creeping up his neck. She briefly considered what might have been different if he had stayed rather than bolting from the room, that maybe the idea of him catching her was even hotter than what she had been imagining at the time.
She could feel her skin flush at the thought, shaking her head to refocus on taking stock of building materials. She had a camp to run, a future to plan, she couldn't afford to let these fantasies distract her.
Reciting that mantra, she finished up in the stock room and began her march across camp to check in with medical. As if on queue, she caught a glimpse of tanned skin jogging in through the gate, the setting sun glistening in the beads of sweat along his shoulders. She tripped over her feet then, gaping at Bellamy as he used his discarded shirt to wipe himself off, rather than watching where she was going.
"Clarke, are you alright?" she heard Abby, as she picked herself up and brushed off her knees.
She cursed under her breath as heat bubbled under her skin. Chancing a glance back at Bellamy, she met his gaze. For a moment, his eyes seemed to go black, before he blinked, cheeks turning red and he jogged off in the other direction.
"Clarke?" her mother asked, glancing between Bellamy's retreating form and Clarke's blush with a smirk on her face.
"Yeah, sorry, I wasn't pay attention," Clarke sighed, keeping her head down as she continued in the direction of Medical with her mother in tow.
•••
Bellamy stepped under the cold spray of the shower, trying his best to focus on the dirty water swirling around his feet rather than the image of Clarke looking completed wrecked as she gaped at him returning from scouting. He was trying extra hard not to let that image suggest anything about what he walked into the night before, but that was all proving to be very difficult.
It hadn't occurred to him what might have gotten her in that mood last night. Well, okay, that isn't true. He had been wondering what she was thinking about while those little gasps and moans escaped her lips, but he hadn't considered maybe she was thinking about him. When she had looked up at him earlier, her eyes were wide, pupils nearly eclipsing the usually electrifying blue, cheeks turning a delicious shade of red, her lips parting in the same way they had been when he walked in on her, and for a second he almost couldn't control himself.
He shook his head, letting the water flow over his face for a second, hoping to drown out the growing desire to reach down and touch himself. This was insane. She wasn't thinking about him, she didn't feel any certain way about him waltzing into camp shirtless, she probably was just startled to see him and lost her footing.
That happens, right?
He groaned, letting his forehead rest against the shower wall, feeling the tension in his muscles ebb away with the beat of the shower spray. He felt guilty about what happened. Like he had crossed some line that they would never recover from. He should have knocked, shouldn't have stood there staring, shouldn't be thinking about kissing her neck as she arched her back in pleasure - fuck.
He had always found Clarke mesmerizing. Her ability to lead with effortless grace, to take on so much and still remain so level headed, that she was always there for him even when he had treated her so poorly in the past. He chuckled then, thinking about how differently he would have handled this situation as the cocky Bellamy that first landed on The Ground. But he wasn't like that anymore, and he didn't want Clarke and him to happen like that.
Who was he kidding, anything happening with him and Clarke was a distant dream. The things he loved about her were the things that made a relationship seem completely out of the question. He would be anything he could for her if that wasn't an option. Right now, he wasn't doing that at all. He was avoiding her when he should be talking this out with her. It was just one embarrassing mishap, they could move past it.
•••
She couldn't hold it off any longer. Clarke had finished up in Medical and all but sprinted back to her room, shucking off her clothes as soon as the door clicked shut behind her. She just needed some release, needed to get this out of her system before she could even attempt a conversation with Bellamy or she might end up jumping him right there.
She had never felt this level of desire with him before. Of course, she has wanted him since that first moment he showed her some vulnerability, when he shed the cocky mask and let her see who he really was. He was caring and selfless, fun and always knew the right thing to say when she needed it. The looks have always been a bonus, too.
But something about the way he looked at her today, that brief moment when his eyes and darkened and she thought maybe, just maybe, he wanted her too, that had pure desire pulsing through her until she couldn't think straight.
She laid back on her pillows, sucking a finger into her mouth before dipping it between her legs. Instantly the tension disappeared, giving way to pleasure so strong she couldn't help but let out a deep moan. She kept at it, rolling a nipple between her fingers while the other slipped inside her. Before she could think, his named escaped her lips, causing a new surge of wetness and she began to move her fingers faster. She found herself wishing it wasn't her fingers, wishing there were soft lips with scratchy stubble making their way down her body, but it would have to do for now.
•••
He hesitated outside the door, unsure of what he was even going to say.
Apologize, obviously, and do his best to look her in the eyes and not think about her fingers pulling at her own nipples.
He sighed, shaking his head and raising his fist to knock when he froze.
"Bellamy," moaned the voice from behind the door.
What the fuck.
His heart was pounding in his ears, his cock already beginning to strain against his jeans at the thought of what he might have just heard, when it happened again.
"Oh, Bellamy!" she gasped, and he had to stifle a groan of his own.
He hesitated for a split second before making his choice.
Taking a deep breath he pushed the door open, taking in the scene of Clarke sprawled across her bed naked, two fingers buried inside herself with the other gripping tightly to her nipple.
"Clarke," he choked out, taking two steps over to the bed before she had time to stop, her eyes going wide as she realized he was there for just a moment before he captured her lips in his.
For a moment, she froze, then she was wrapping her arms around him, gripping a handful of his hair and pulling him down to her. She moaned as she arched up into him, her bare chest pressing against his shirt and he groaned in response, already moving to shed it with the rest of his clothing.
He pulled back for a moment to pull his shirt over his head, taking in Clarke's flushed cheeks, her hair fanned out on the pillows, her lips already red and swollen from his kiss.
"You're fucking beautiful," he breathed before diving back in.
He let his hands wander this time, softly tracing patterns on her skin and he made his way down. He brushed his thumb across her nipple and she whimpered, pressing her chest up into his hand. He moved to slide her over on the bed, making room to lay down next to her and his hands continued to explore her body. Her breathing was coming in short gasps between kisses, and so he slowed down, allowing her to catch her breath before he spoke again.
"Were you thinking about me when I came in here last night?" he whispered into the space behind her ear as he began to trail kisses down her neck.
"Yes," she breathed, turning her head to give him better access.
He groaned in response, sucking a mark on to her collar bone while his hand finally trailed below her stomach. She let out a soft whimper as his fingers grazed her clit, and he knew he couldn't hold back anymore. He added pressure, watching as her lips parted in that perfect little circle before capturing them with his own.
He slipped a finger inside her then, cursing under his breath at how tight she was, before he curled it up and his mind nearly short circuited.
"Bellamy," she moaned from next to him. He was momentarily overwhelmed by the look on her face, the way she moaned his name, reality of the moment crashing down over him. If he had thought they crossed a line before, this was something he knew he would never come back from. He wanted her, needed her, plain and simple.
He refocused, then, beginning to pump his finger in and out of her until her breathing came in gasps and whimpers. He slid down the bed, pulling her leg up over his shoulder as he positioned himself between her legs. He watched her eyes grow wide before he lowered his lips to her clit and she threw her head back moaning his name again.
Sucking gently, he reached up to roll her nipple between his fingers, adding a second finger to the one inside her. Her back arched in pleasure, her legs trembling around him. He continued like this, alternating between sucking and licking her until he felt her tighten around his fingers.
"Bellamy - oh!" she gasped as she came, and he slowed his fingers down to let her ride it out. As her breathing steadied, he kissed his way back up her body, nuzzling into her neck until her eyes fluttered open.
She stared up at him while his fingers gently brushed up and down her sides, a small smile playing at her lips. He tried not to make it obvious he was holding his breath, waiting for her to say something that would reassure him this had been okay. She reached up, cupping his jaw and pulling him down to her, kissing him tenderly until his head was spinning and his heart soaring.
•••
She kissed him tenderly, allowing a few moments for her heart to stop racing and her mind to stop overthinking what had just happened. She hadn't know what to expect when he came in here, she had been ready to explain away whatever he thought he heard, but she hadn't been ready for those hands she'd dreamed about to find their way between her legs.
The memory of his face looking utterly wrecked when she confirmed she had been thinking about him when he walked in on her came flooding back, a new surge of wetness gathering between her legs, and she realized she wanted more. She wanted him, plain and simple, and they would deal with the logistics of that statement later.
She continued to kiss him while slowly snaking her arm between them, gently wrapping her hand around his cock and relishing in the way he moaned into her mouth. She pumped her fist once.
"Clarke - fuck," he choked out, pulling back from kissing her just slightly. She smirked up at him, steadily moving her hand up and down his cock, watching as he squeezed his eyes shut and bit his lip. She wanted to watch him fall apart at her hands, the way she had for him.
"I was thinking about your hands holding me down, about clinging to your shoulders and while you were inside of me. About how good you would feel." she whispered up to him, watching as his eyes widened and he cursed under his breath. A beat, with his eyes trying to refocus while she continued to stroke him, before his lips came crashing back down to hers.
He pushed her arm aside, pulling it above her head and clamping the other in the same fist. He slid his hips down, letting his cock slip against her, giving her clit the friction it wanted. She couldn't help but let out another moan, disappointed that she had been trying to take charge but not upset with how easily he could overpower her.
"Like this, baby?" He whispered as he continued to rub up against her.
Baby he had called her, and she almost lost it right then. She wanted him, needed him. She took a second to steady her breathing, confirmed she wasn't going to let another moan escape for this. She raised her chin, looked him right in the eyes with all the heat she could muster.
"Fuck me, Bellamy." she said, only a slight edge to her voice with how badly she wanted him to say yes.
He groaned like he was losing control, fighting a battle within himself that she desperately hoped ended with them both winning.
He cursed again before taking a breath and pushing into her.
"Bell - oh, Bellamy," she groaned as he slid in, filling her completely.
"Clarke," he choked out, and she was sure she would never be able to hear him say her name another way again.
It was as if a switch had been flipped. He moved slowly then, fucking her gently as he held her hands pinned over he head. Her mind was torn, wanting him to be rough and dirty with her was quickly losing to this tenderness. She looked up to meet his eyes, deep brown, freckles scattered across his flushed cheeks, and her breath caught in her throat.
"Bellamy," she whispered then, not laced with pleasure but heavy with emotion, in an attempt to convey all that she felt for him. He was her partner, her best friend, her rock, and she needed him in all those ways and more. The soft smile in his eyes confirmed that he understood, as he bent to take her lips in his.
The dirty talk and moans from earlier were replaced with soft gasps and sighs as he continued his steady pace, lifting her hips to get a better angle and kissing her all the while. Nothing she had ever dreamed could come close to this. It felt like a turning point, both exciting and terrifying.
She came with her head tiled back against the pillows, her lips parted in a silent plea as Bellamy pressed kisses to her throat, breathing her name against her skin as he followed.
They lay in silence for a moment, catching their breath, and giving her mind the opportunity to kick back in to overthinking everything. He must have felt her tense under him, lifting his chin from her stomach to catch her eye, asking a silent question.
Clarke exhaled a breath she didn't realize she had been holding, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment to gather her thoughts. She felt him shift, carefully pulling out of her and rolling to the side. She opened her mouth but closed it again, not quite sure how to put what she wanted to say into coherent words.
He surprised her then, reaching out to tilt her chin to him. He searched her eyes, letting her see the fear bleed out of his own and be replaced with something else, something adoring. For the second time, she found her breath catching in her throat.
"Clarke…" he whispered, and it was in the way he said her name that she understood he had felt the shift too. And he wanted this the same way she did.
She smiled at him then, scooting closer to curl against his chest as he wrapped an arm around her and pressed a kiss into her hair.
•••
He woke to a stir in the sheets, blinking in the dark of the windowless Ark rooms until his eyes adjust. A small mumble from beside him brought the nights memories crashing back and momentarily he went into full panic.
He glanced beside him, meeting Clarke's single cracked eye peering up at him from her spot against his chest and huffed out a soft laugh. She stared up at him for another moment before moving to kiss him firm on the lips, causing his heart start beating so hard he was sure she could feel it under the hand resting against his chest.
She pulled away then, but only a few inches, holding his gaze with the same strength she uses to lead their people, before she spoke.
"I want you," she said plainly, "I want you, Bellamy, in all the ways you will let me have you. I've wanted this, you, us, for so long and I want you to understand…" she paused, taking a breath, "I need you."
He paused to take in her words, watching the flush that creeps up her cheeks knowing full well the depth of what she has confessed.
He reached out to cup her face in his hands, relishing the way she leaned into his touch as he searched her eyes. He needed her to hear this, to really hear this and understand all that he means when he says it.
"Clarke, I'm yours."