Work Text:
Tsukishima and Tadashi were walking through the door when they passed the door across from the gym. Tadashi looked over when he heard the sound of thumping travel across to him.
“Hm?”
“What?” Tsukishima asked.
“Someone’s over there.”
“Yeah, probably Hinata. He doesn’t know how to take a break.”
“Maybe we should go check on him. After what happened.”
“We don’t even know for sure what happened. Let’s just leave him alone,” the blond resumed walking.
Tadashi reached out and caught him by the sleeve, “I really think we should check.”
Tsukishima studied his face, taking in the concern below the surface of his hard look, “Fine.”
They walked to the gym and peeked in the door. Kageyama was throwing a ball against the wall. It wasn’t even a volleyball drill. He was just throwing it, again and again.
“He doesn’t even look like he’s awake,” Tadashi noted.
They walked inside and Kageyama didn’t stop moving. He didn’t even look at them. Tsukishima sighed.
“Kageyama,” he said flatly.
Kageyama startled and let the ball hit the floor as he turned to look at them. He scowled.
“What do you guys want?”
“Are you alright?” Tadashi asked.
Kageyama’s blue eyes opened wider, “What? Why do you care?”
“We’re teammates,” Tsukishima said. “Maybe we should act like it.”
“And after what happened last month…” Tadashi trailed off.
Kageyama cringed as he remembered fighting with his parents then crying into Ukai’s arms quite literally. His father made Hinata cry when he’d come to meet his parents. The old man didn't believe men should date men, and deserved to be put in his place.
Like usual, when life got hard, they made their way back to the court. Unfortunately that made his whole team aware of the struggle he was in.
He couldn’t go back home after that. He was staying with Hinata’s warm and accepting family, which was nice, but he knew he was an invader in their home. Not to mention all the conversations he needed to have with Hinata about how he was, in fact, more than good enough to be with Kageyama.
He was tired.
“No offense, but why do you even care?” Kageyama turned away to pick up the ball.
Tadashi groaned loudly, “Are you really that stupid?”
Tsukishima and Kageyama both leaned back, gaping at him.
“Being gay is hard!” Tadashi yelled. “It’s even harder when you don’t lean on your community! We are on your side, dummy!”
Kageyama side eyed him, “What? Because we all like boys, we're immediately family or something?”
“Yes! So often gay children are shut out by their families but that’s part of what makes our community so amazing! You have someone to fall back on! People who accept you!”
Tsukishima’s expression softened as he listened. He recalled how hesitant he was to come out to Tadashi, even though he’d done it first. The stress of telling his brother, and even more when he had to tell his parents.
They weren’t happy at first, but he thought it was more just that they didn’t understand. They came to accept it in time and their family moved forward as it once was. He supposed he was lucky.
“They’re your parents,” Tsukishima started.
“So I should give them another shot. Yeah, whatever,” Kageyama interrupted as he started throwing the ball again.
“No.” Kageyama looked back at Tsukishima in shock. “They’re your parents, so it hurts more when they don’t accept you as what you are. It is reasonable for you to be upset. Stop hiding it.”
“I…” Kageyama gawked.
“Just because they’re family does not mean you need to tolerate hatred. We may not like it, but we are connected in more ways than one. If you need to lean on us, we’re here. Stop letting your pride stand in the way of your healing.”
Tadashi hugged Tsukishima tightly, “Oh my goodness! You’re emoting, Tsukki! I’m so proud of you!”
“Whatever,” he said flatly, pushing Tadashi off. “There’s no such thing as running from your problems. They will always catch you and eat you alive. Don’t be a coward. Face your emotions.”
“Right…” Kageyama said.
“Well put, Tsukki!” Daichi said.
Tsukishima’s face fell as turned and noticed the third years behind him. One by one, the boys walked by, slapping him on the back. Every touch sent him further down into his scowl.
“We’re here for you, too,” Asahi smiled.
Daichi and Sugawara shouted their concurrence.
“Thanks guys,” Kageyama said. “What are you doing here?”
“Oh, we heard yelling from the hall across the walkway. We were worried you were fighting,” Daichi said.
“You first years are so dramatic,” Sugawara said. “We haven’t gotten the reigns on that yet.”
Kageyama stared at the ball in his hands as their words circled his brain.
‘Were on your side.’ ‘We’re here for you.’ ‘If you need to lean on us, we’re here.’
“My parents are divorcing.”
His teammates looked at him, mouths open.
“Oh,” Tsukishima said.
“Yeah. I’ll have to testify, which is stressful. It probably won’t be for a while, but… my mother wants custody.”
“That’s hard,” Daichi said quietly.
“Yeah,” Kageyama repeated.
Sugawara looked away and scruffed his shoe against the floor.
“I haven’t told Hinata yet,” he continued. “We’ve already spent this last month in a back and forth on if our relationship is worth it. It’d just make it worse. I’m sick of fighting with him on it.”
“Have you considered that Hinata’s fighting with you to subconsciously sabotage the relationship?” Tsukishima asked.
“Tsukki! Don’t stir the pot!” Daichi said. “What’s your issue?”
“No, he has a point,” Sugawara surprised everyone by saying. “Hinata is known for self sabotage when things get tense.”
Kageyama sighed and rubbed his face with one hand. He sat on the floor, feeling defeated.
“I don’t think I’m strong enough to handle it,” he mumbled to the floor.
“Maybe if you told him, he’d back off the arguments,” Sugawara suggested softly.
“Yeah, imagine? ‘Hey, Hinata, that fight I had with my father about you? Well, my mother didn’t like that and now she’s leaving my father! You know, tearing my family apart even more!’ That’ll be swell.” Kageyama crossed his arms.
“I mean, you don't have to say it like that,” Daichi mumbled.
“I can’t say it at all!” Kageyama yelled.
The rest of the group jumped at the sudden outburst.
“Is your relationship with Hinata worth anything to you?” Tsukishima demanded. “If it is you have to do anything you can!”
“...I don’t know,” Kageyama said.
“What?” Tadashi yelled.
“We’ve just been fighting so much. If things were how they were before, then I’d say, ‘Yeah! Of course!’. But the way things are, I’m not happy. I’ve tried fixing things, but I can’t do it. Nothing I do changes anything.”
“Oh,” Daichi said. He couldn’t help but think about what that would mean for their team. The fact that they hadn’t known about all that before boded well.
“You guys can’t tell him I’m saying this,” Kageyama finally looked at them, “Please.”
They reluctantly nodded. They heard the magnets holding the bug net to the door unclick and someone shuffle in. They looked over to see Ukai eating a power bar.
“Hey, guys, you’re here early.”
“Damn, we missed our chance to eat,” Tsukishima said.
“Huh?” Ukai raised his eyebrows before waving his hand dismissively. “Go to the vending machine right outside. Get a quick snack and next time… Come prepared!”
They all winced at the danger on his face before running out to the vending machine.
They had their snacks as the rest of the team filtered in and began warming up. Hinata entered without speaking to anyone. Tsukishima eyed him up from his peripheral.
“Alright guys,” Ukai yelled. “I want Little Red, Daichi and Kageyama on this side of the net! Suga, Nishinoya and Manbun over here!”
The players stood in their positions as Ukai finished directing the rest of the team to their exercises.
“I can already feel the tension,” Tsukishima whispered to Tadashi.
“Do you think Hinata heard us?”
“No,” Tsukishima looked at the ginger. “He would’ve said something.”
Nishinoya served the ball, which Daichi easily received.
“Kageyama!”
Kageyama jumped to set the ball. It should’ve been perfect, except when Hinata jumped to hit it, he only hit air.
“That was the perfect set!” Kageyama yelled.
“Ugh! Whatever! I’ll get the next one!”
They glared at each other until Nishinoya served again. Once again, Daichi received it easily and passed it to Kageyama. He set the ball for Hinata, who made contact with the ball but sent it directly into the net. The ball fell to the floor in front of Kageyama.
“What the hell, Hinata? What's wrong with you?” Kageyama yelled.
“What’s wrong with me?” Hinata yelled and marched over to the taller boy. “What’s wrong with you?”
Kageyama stared down at Hinata’s angry face. His emotions grew inside of him until he felt nothing at all. It was as if everything turned off like a tap. He felt nothing.
“Whatever,” he said. “Just hit the ball.”
“Oh, really? That’s the whole point, idiot.”
“Cool, maybe you’ll actually do it, then.”
“Enough!” Ukai yelled. “Just play the damn game!”
They walked back to their positions. Nishinoya served the ball, Daichi received, Kageyama set, then Hinata missed. The ball hit his hand and flew sideways into the wall.
Hinata’s shoulders tensed, waiting for the consequences. None came. He looked at Kageyama, who just stared ahead. From the way he was standing it looked like he was staring down Asahi, who flinched.
“One more time!” Nishinoya yelled before serving.
Daichi dug it up, sending it to Kageyama, who didn’t even move to get it. The ball just hit the net and rolled along the floor before stopping at his feet.
“What is going on?” Ukai screamed. The rest of the gym stilled and stared on. “You didn’t even try to set that ball!”
Kageyama kept staring forward, saying nothing, entirely unmoving.
He was standing in a black space. Around him the cosmos moved and twisted, stars colliding and expanding. He was alone there. Nothing could touch him. He looked at his feet, noting he was standing on a small platform. Beneath it, there was nothing more than more space. He stepped forward, and plunged down.
“Tobio Kageyama!”
He was back in the gym. His feet were planted firmly on vinyl flooring. Ukai was in his face. He looked angry. His teammates stared at him. What happened?
“What?” He asked, looking into Ukai’s eyes.
“You didn’t even try!” He yelled.
“Oh.”
He looked down, noticing the ball by his feet. He supposed he didn’t. He looked back up at Ukai.
“Are you going to be helpful now?” Ukai demanded.
Kageyama looked back down to the ball before slowly saying, “...No.”
The team gawked at him. Ukai took a step back, “What?”
“No, I don’t think I am,” he nudged the ball with his foot. “I think I should leave.”
They watched in astonished silence as Kageyama left the gym, not taking any of his things or even changing his shoes. He didn’t even put a coat on before going out into the winter.
He started walking, making it to the front of the school. It seemed like he was observing the world through a fishbowl. Nothing looked exactly...right. He kept walking, not sure where he was off to. He figured he’d know when he got there.
Kageyama ended up walking all the way to the city. He crossed over a bridge, above the river. He stared down at the racing water. He didn’t know when things got so out of control. Then he wondered with realization if things were ever under control at all.
Suddenly, his shoulders and arms were covered in something warm. He looked down and saw a white jacket covering him. He supposed someone followed him. He paid no mind and kept his eyes fixed on the water. Whoever it was leaned on the railing beside him.
“What are you doing? It’s like you want to freeze to death.”
He finally looked over to who his company was. Kageyama took in the dark brown hair and pale skin of Oikawa. He turned back to the water, uncaring.
“What do you want?”
“I know we don’t like each other but I’m not about to let you die of hypothermia. I’d rather take you down myself.”
“Uh huh.”
“Why are you outside like this in shorts and a t-shirt?” Oikawa’s tone turned serious. “You could’ve actually gotten frostbite.”
“Oh, well.”
“Can you go home? You can take the jacket.”
“No.”
“Well, can you go inside somewhere then? What are you doing?”
“Why do you care?”
“Because! What do you have? A deathwish or something? Do you seriously not feel the cold?”
“No.”
“Damn it, Kageyama! Just listen to me, okay?”
Kageyama met his eyes. His enemy forced the coat onto him, so his arms were snugly covered. Oikawa took him by the sleeve and led him into the nearest building, which happened to be a cafe.
“Oh, perfect!” Oikawa mused. He forced Kageyama into a chair and instructed him to stay. He returned momentarily with a hot chocolate for each of them.
Kageyama stared down at the steaming cup. Black pushed in on the edges of his vision. He caught glimpses of those stars again. Before they could take over, Oikawa spoke.
“Okay, spill. What’s going on with you? You haven’t threatened me once.”
He decided he had nothing to lose, “My parents are divorcing.”
“Oh,” Oikawa said. “You can’t say you didn’t see it coming!”
Kageyama said nothing. His enemy shifted in his seat.
“I mean… They’ve only ever pretended to like each other. But I figured if they pretended for this long, they’d pretend forever. I have to admit, though, I am curious as to what led to this,” Oikawa continued.
When Kageyama stayed silent, “I heard you’ve started dating that number 10. Shōyō Hinata, if I’m correct. Where is he? Why are you wandering in the snow, half naked?”
“Is it me?” Kageyama asked.
“Is what you?”
“Am I the problem? Nobody likes me.”
“What do you mean?”
“My teammates in middle school. You. Hinata. My parents. Nobody likes me. I am the common denominator. What’s wrong with me?”
“A lot of it comes from envy of your skill. You shouldn’t take volleyball rivalries so personally, Tobio.”
“But they are personal.”
“Listen. We all make mistakes when we’re young. You’re going to make a lot more, too. If you can't learn to forgive yourself, you won't get anywhere.”
The black pushed stronger on Kageyama’s vision. It threatened to take him. He wanted to leave. He wanted to run. He was rooted to his spot. Unlike earlier, the black felt like it was sucking him in from the feet, up. He knew if he went back in, he wouldn’t want to come back out.
“I don’t want to do it anymore,” Kageyama strained.
“Do what?” Oikawa’s voice dipped into the concerned side.
He said nothing, just staring at Oikawa.
“Kageyama-“
“I thought it was you. All this time. That they just didn’t like you. So, when they met Hinata, they’d see him for the person he was, the person I am. I thought they’d accept me. But it wasn’t you. I’m sorry.”
“Oh,” Oikawa understood. It was about his parents rejecting him due to his sexuality. Or at least part of it was, anyway. “Don’t apologize. I’ve hated you for so long because of how you turned on me when your parents reacted so poorly. I know now that we do what we can to protect ourselves.”
Kageyama put his head in his hands and closed his eyes.
“It wasn’t you, either. You know that, Tobio? There’s nothing wrong with you.” Oikawa’s voice echoed.
Kageyama saw himself in a long corridor. To his sides he saw different scenes playing out. To his left he saw his father screaming at him as he cried only to be slapped for showing weakness. He saw Oikawa flinching as he lashed out on him, telling him it was his fault for his parents' hatred. Then, he saw Hinata crying into his arms because his father had cursed him out.
He walked down the corridor, observing his memories in third person. He watched the history of his family, seeing them all so separate from each other. He watched his old teammates gradual decline. He watched himself let down Karasuno.
Each memory added weight to his being. The further he travelled down the corridor the harder it was to continue. By the time he could see the end of the hall he was crawling. He felt the promise of the stars at the end of the tunnel.
He could see the hints of the galaxies ahead of him. He reached out a shaking hand to it as his unfurling memories smothered him. He didn’t think he could make it out. The weight was too much.
The floor cracked underneath him. He attempted to push himself forward as he clawed the floor in front of himself. It was a losing battle. The ground gave out and he plummeted.
He was back in the cafe. Oikawa was kneeling beside him, gripping his arm. He looked down and met his brown eyes.
“It’s too hard, Tōru,” he whispered.
The panic stayed firm in Oikawa’s eyes.
“I can’t do it anymore.”
“You can.”
“I can’t. I don’t want to. I want to quit.”
“Quit what, Tobio? I need you to be specific. I can’t help until I know what the problem is.”
“I don’t want help.”
“Fine.” His grip tightened on Kageyama’s arm. “What do you want to quit?”
“Everything.”
Oikawa’s eyes widened and he stood, “Tobio.”
Kageyama wouldn’t meet his eye. He longed for that place to take him. Maybe being stuck there wouldn’t be too bad. It was warm there. It wrapped around him and protected him. He wanted that.
“Will you come with me?” Oikawa asked.
Kageyama didn’t have any fight left in him. He’d let whatever happened happen. He allowed Oikawa to drag him out of the cafe and to the bus stop.
“You must be so cold,” Oikawa said.
Kageyama said nothing as they waited for the bus to arrive. When it did, they boarded and sat near the back. They rode along in silence, Kageyama staring at the floor and Oikawa watching the passing scenery.
Panic aroused in Kageyama’s chest when they disembarked. Oikawa brought him to the hospital. He wouldn’t go in. No. He turned towards Oikawa and backed away.
Oikawa cast him a look that blew him away. It was completely open and wildly concerned.
“Please go in, Tobio,” he whispered.
The tap turned back off within Kageyama. He wouldn’t win the fight so there was no point in getting into it at all. Oikawa took him by the sleeve and hurried him inside. Nothing in Kageyama’s vision was clear aside from the bright red lights above the entrance reading, ‘EMERGENCY’.
They walked through the waiting room and down a hall until Oikawa stood outside a door. Kageyama read the label, “CRISIS”. He would hardly call it that, but whatever. They entered and he sat down as Oikawa spoke to the woman behind the counter.
He went back and sat beside Kageyama and they waited in silence. Kageyama stared intently at the floor and Oikawa looked anywhere but at the other boy.
Finally, a woman approached them.
“Hello, Tobio,” she smiled. “My name is Akira. Would you like to come with me?”
“Uh, fine,” he mumbled as he stood.
She looked to Oikawa, “Will you be joining us?”
He looked to Kageyama who muttered a quick ‘fine’. He joined them into the small room and they all sat.
“I must disclose I am not a psychologist. I’m a social worker. My job is to listen and then provide you with the best resources for you to move forward. Is that alright?”
“Yeah,” Kageyama said.
“Perfect. Why don’t you tell me why you’re here?”
“He brought me,” Kageyama pointed to Oikawa. She turned her attention to him.
“I found him staring over a bridge outside in shorts and a t-shirt,” he explained. “I brought him here because after that he told me he wanted to quit ‘everything’.”
“I see,” she said. “Can you tell me what brought you to that point, Tobio?”
Kageyama sighed, “It’s all just too hard. I wanted to get away from them.”
“Away from who?”
“My team? My family? Myself? I don’t know. Everyone?”
“Okay. Why did you want to get away from your team?”
“Because Hinata couldn’t hit the ball. He kept yelling at me. It felt really bad. He just wants to fight all the time. I don’t know how to make it stop.”
“Who’s Hinata?” Her voice turned into his mother’s.
“He’s this guy I’m seeing,” he said, vision becoming hazy.
The room turned into his kitchen and the woman transformed into his mother, sitting at the island. She was home for once, so he was making dinner.
“What do you mean, seeing? Like dating?”
“Uh,” he froze before setting his knife down. “Yeah. He’s really cool.”
“Hm,” she hummed flatly. “Are you sure that’s what you want to do?”
“Yes?”
“Okay,” she said.
He watched her as she typed away. He felt frustration growing in him. She really had nothing else to say?
“Aren’t mothers supposed to ask about the things their children are excited about?” He shut his eyes and screamed at her.
“It can be frustrating when our parents don’t react how we want them to,” the woman said.
He looked around and saw he wasn’t at home at all. Did he say that out loud? A glance at Oikawa’s shocked expression told him yes.
“So, your mother didn’t show any interest in this person you clearly enjoy. Then this person was yelling at you in front of your team today? It’s easy to see how that would make you angry.”
“It didn’t make me angry, though,” Kageyama said.
“Disappointed?” She suggested.
“I mean, maybe. I didn’t really feel anything at all.”
“Oh?” She asked.
“I just needed to get away from there. And I couldn’t go home, because they kicked me out, and I couldn’t go to Hinata’s because, well.” He stopped abruptly.
“They kicked you out? Is it because of your involvement with Hinata?”
“Yes and no,” Kageyama looked away. “He came to dinner so he could meet them and my dad yelled at him and made him cry. I yelled at him for that, so I can’t go back.”
“Hm,” she said. “That is difficult. You’ve been living with Hinata, leaving you without a place to cool off if you disagree.”
“It’s hard because he keeps saying he isn’t good enough for me which causes fights. The only thing wrong with him is that! Why doesn’t he get that?”
“Have you told him that?”
“Yes, and he just uses it in the next argument as a point against me.”
“That sounds unhealthy,” she said. “Have you considered taking some time away from the relationship?”
“It isn't all bad, though,” Kageyama said. “Even if I wanted to do that, it would screw over our team. We’d never be able to play together in those conditions.”
“Maybe you two should take the night off, then,” she said. “Is there anywhere else you can stay?”
“Who’s not on my team?” She nodded. “No.”
“He can stay with me,” Oikawa said. “It would keep my mind at ease knowing he was still alive.”
“Fine,” Kageyama crossed his arms.
“That leads me into my next question,” she said. “Your friend mentioned how you said you wanted to quit ‘everything’. Can you define that for me?”
He looked at his shoes, “I don’t know.”
“Were you referring to suicide?”
“I don’t know… I don’t think so. I just want everything to go away, but I don’t think I want to die.”
“When you were on the bridge did you experience suicidal thoughts?”
“No. It just felt like I was smothering.”
“Smothering?”
“It’s like… I get pulled away somewhere else. I can actually see myself. I see myself getting pushed down until I can’t move anymore.”
“I don’t quite understand.”
He sighed, “I don’t know how to explain it! It’s like my body isn’t mine anymore when it’s like that. Like I'm observing a stranger from the outside.”
Her face said she understood. He relished in the idea of not having to explain any further. The rest of the session passed without incident and she referred him to a psychologist.
“Do you know your coach's number?” Oikawa asked. Kageyama shook his head.
Oikawa pulled out his phone, dialed and pressed it to his ear. Kageyama could hear the line ringing.
“Hi, coach.” A pause. “Yeah, sorry to bother you on your off time. I was wondering if you could forward me the phone number of the Karasuno team’s coach.”
Kageyama heard the voice on the other end of the line get loud for a minute.
“I’m not up to anything, jeez. I just need to tell him something. It’s a personal matter.” He listened for a minute. “I’m sorry, I can’t tell you that. Please just trust me.” Another pause. “Thank you. Goodbye.”
Oikawa stared at his phone, then when it beeped he pressed the screen a few times and placed the phone back to his ear.
“Hello, Coach Ukai? Yes, hello, this is Tōru Oikawa. The rest of this conversation is dependent on you keeping it between us. ...Excellent. Your word is your bond. It is intensely personal.
“I thought you’d like to be informed that Tobio is alright. ...Yes. ...Yes, he’s going to be taking the rest of the night off. I’m sure your practice is almost over by now anyways.”
He put his hand on his hip, pursed his lips, and slouched his shoulders as he listened. “Yes, I promise he’s alright. Don’t worry, I’m not going to murder him. Unfortunately, it’s just something you’ll have to make peace with for now.”
Kageyama cringed listening to him speak to Ukai like that. Even in his desensitized state, picturing Ukai’s face on the other end of that call terrified him.
“Right. Well, okay. I’ll forward you the address on the condition you don’t share it with your team. It’s a… precarious situation.” He glanced at Kageyama. “Okay, your word is your bond! I’ll be seeing you later, Coach Karasuno.”
He hung up his phone just as the bus pulled up.
“Why are you going to see him later?” Kageyama asked.
They got on the bus and sat in the same spots as before.
“He wants to drop off your things, but I heard it more as ‘I want to see him living before I believe you didn’t kill him’,” Oikawa explained.
They lapsed into silence and watched the sky become dark outside. The walk from the bus stop to Okiawa’s house was just as quiet. Only the sound of crickets and their feet scruffing the ground split the air around them.
Oikawa let them into the house, which was every bit as nice as Kageyama’s own, but less clean. Of course, less clean just meant a normal person’s level of clean. They took their shoes off and placed them to the side.
“It’s been awhile since you’ve been here, eh, Tobio?” Oikawa laughed. Kageyama just hummed as he took his (ex?)enemy’s jacket. He handed it back to Oikawa as he led Kageyama through the house.
“First, you need a warm shower to fix the temperature issue you’ve caused for yourself. I’ll get you some actual pants, which by the way, you must return,” Oikawa pointed at him. Kageyama nodded.
Kageyama went into the bathroom after he got the clothes from Oikawa. He started the shower and adjusted the temperature a few times before getting in. He looked up into the water and cracked. He covered his face and allowed himself to cry. It was violent, but he didn't make a sound.
When he felt there was nothing left for him to cry, he turned off the water and got out. He took the towel off the rack and allowed himself to just feel how soft it was before drying off. It sounded bad, but he missed the expensive linens when he lived with Hinata.
He dressed and noted how perfectly Oikawa’s clothes fit him. He shook his head and went back downstairs. Kageyama found him in the kitchen.
“I’ll order us food. I’m not interested in cooking,” Oikawa said.
“Okay. Thanks.”
“Mhm,” he hummed as he dialed his phone.
Kageyama only waited about five minutes in excruciating silence with Oikawa staring directly at him before the doorbell rang. They both looked in the direction of the noise.
“That was fast…” Kageyama said.
“Probably because it’s your coach, dummy,” Oikawa said, sticking his tongue out at him.
“Oh, right.”
Oikawa pulled the door open, making sure Kageyama was within view.
“Hello, Coach Karasuno,” he greeted.
Ukai was holding a bag containing Kageyama’s things and he strained to see past Oikawa to find his setter.
“Kageyama,” he said, “Are you okay?”
The setter nodded to him as Oikawa went to grab the bag, which Ukai pulled away.
“Why here? Why can’t I tell anyone? Why’d you leave practice?”
With every question lobbed at him, he felt further from himself. The wall was going back up and he stopped seeing what was in front of him. His brain shut off.
Oikawa took the bag from Ukai, “I need you to trust me. I know it’s hard for you, but this is what’s best. If he chooses to tell you, fine, but if not then I need you to leave.”
Ukai looked back at Kageyama who seemed as though he was no longer on the same plane of existence as them. He hardened his expression as he turned back to Oikawa and nodded.
“Fine,” he said, then left.
Oikawa smiled as he waved after him. Once Ukai was out of sight, his smile fell and he rolled his eyes. He closed the door and pulled Kageyama back into the house.
He poked Kageyama’s forehead until the food came. He started eating as he waited for the other to rejoin him on earth, which he did soon after. They ate in silence.
“Why are you doing this for me?” Kageyama asked.
“What do you mean? I have always been this selfless, amazing, and kind person you see before you!” Oikawa smiled.
“You forgot humble…”
“Plus,” he raised a finger, “This will make amazing blackmail material!”
Kageyama snorted amusedly, “You’re evil. You and Daichi would be perfect for each other.”
“I’d actually be perfect for anyone, but I do have my eye on someone in specific.”
“Oh?” Kageyama raised his eyebrows.
“That’s a secret I’ll have to keep, but I’ll give you a hint! You weren’t too off base.”
Kageyama pondered it for a moment. If he wasn’t too incorrect, that meant the person was likely on his team. He couldn’t reasonably imagine it could be anyone aside from Asahi or Sugawara.
“Please,” he dismissed. “You don’t have a shot with anyone on Karasuno.”
“I hate to correct you… Actually, I love to correct you. My efforts are being received quite well, thank you very much.”
“No way!” Kageyama hit his hand on the table. “You have to tell me!”
“Not a chance, guy,” Oikawa crossed his arms. “I’ve done you enough favors today.”
“Fair enough,” Kageyama laughed.
“That being said… I think you and Hinata need to stop spending so much time together. I can talk to my parents about you staying here until your situation is figured out. I can’t foresee a situation where they say no.”
Kageyama eyed him up and looked back around at the cleanliness of the house. He looked down as he thought about Hinata’s reaction. He knew, though, that Oikawa was right.
-
The next morning, Kageyama thanked Oikawa and went on his way. He dreaded going into the gym. He didn’t want to face his teammates. He didn’t want to face Hinata. His phone was dead, so he couldn’t talk to him. It was probably for the best, though.
He stood in front of the gym, listening to the shouting within. He took a deep breath and went inside.
The entire room stilled. They stared at Kageyama and he stared at them. He steeled his emotions and resumed moving forward. He stood before Ukai and bowed.
“I apologize for my behaviour yesterday,” he said.
“Thank you. Are you feeling better?”
“No, sir.”
“Can you practice today?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Okay, then, get out there.”
He stood from his bow and jogged to the court. He settled next to Sugawara, so if Hinata tried killing him there could be some resistance.
“Hey, Kageyama,” Sugawara said.
He waved back. He looked at what they were doing. Sugawara was setting for all the other players to come spike. He took it upon himself to get in line and join.
When his turn was up he ran forward and slammed the ball over the net. The ball hit the ground with a loud THWACK.
“God, that feels good!” He yelled, high-fiving Sugawara.
He found himself in the back of the group when Hinata approached him.
“Where were you?” Hinata asked.
“I’m not ready to talk about it.”
“I need you to answer.”
“I told you I'm no—“
“And I told you I need an answer!” Hinata stepped closer. “Why are you being so secretive?”
Kageyama scowled, “Hinata. I need you to respect my answer. We can talk after practice. I’m done with this conversation right now.”
Hinata reeled back before crossing his arms and going in at twice the velocity, “Fine! Be done then! See if I care.”
Hinata stomped away from him and Kageyama’s heart felt like it was being squeezed by the world’s strongest man. He felt a lump in his throat that he attempted to swallow down.
Ukai approached the group with his arms crossed, “Forgive me for what I’m about to say, it isn't personal.”
The team shouted their understanding. Kageyama tore his eyes away from Hinata to look at him.
“Nationals are coming quickly. We’re going to try our quick attack with Kageyama and Hinata. If we can’t nail it four times out of five, I’m changing the starting lineup.”
Kageyama and Hinata stared at each other with wide eyes before Kageyama turned to glare at the floor.
‘What’s more important? Hurt feelings or playing the game?’ Kageyama thought.
The two approached the net while Asahi, Tanaka and Tsukishima went to block on the other side. Daichi threw the ball for Kageyama to set. He narrowed his eyes as Hinata jumped, and passed the ball. Hinata hit it past the blockers and the ball landed.
Hinata jumped down and they high-fived before remembering they weren’t supposed to like each other and turned away.
They moved back and repeatedly managed success until the coach was satisfied.
“Alright,” Ukai said slowly, taking his hand off his chin. “But I promise if you two fumble in an actual game, I’m calling you both out.”
They scowled but nodded their understanding.
The coach checked his watch, “Ah. We should be having a visitor any second now.”
The team furrowed their collective brow. Who could it be?
“And he is as punctual as ever,” Oikawa entered, raising his hands in praise of himself.
Karasuno’s jaw dropped.
“Oikawa?” Hinata gaped.
“What’s he doing here?” Asahi asked, pointing.
“Coach?” Daichi asked desperately.
“Ah, but a magician never reveals his tricks!” Ukai smiled, hands placed proudly on his hips.
“Aw, coach, that was so lame…” Nishinoya muttered.
Ukai’s smile fell and he straightened out and crossed his arms.
“Oikawa is here to help nudge our team in the right direction!”
“Why would he help us?” Hinata glared.
“Because I am simply not threatened by you,” Oikawa leaned down to meet Hinata’s eyes with a smug grin. “Improve all you want! I don’t mind helping!”
“You should be threatened! We whooped your ass in the qualifiers!” Hinata yelled, pointing in his face.
“Charming,” Oikawa’s face fell flat and he pushed Hinata’s hand down. “Qualifier. Singular. Besides, it’s not like I’ll be playing against you guys anytime soon, anyway.”
“Red, back off,” Ukai scolded. “He’s here to help. He has the best eye around for this sort of thing. Accept the feedback and move on. That goes for all of you!”
“Sir!” They shouted.
“Separate them into the rotations they’d most likely play as,” Oikawa crossed his arms.
“Hinata, Kageyama, Tanaka, Nishinoya,” Ukai called, pointing to the left side of the court. He then pointed to the right side and said, “Asahi, Sugawara, Tsukishima, Daichi.”
The boys ran to their positions, waited for the whistle, then started off.
Oikawa sat beside Ukai with his legs crossed and his elbow resting on his knee while supporting his chin. He observed them closely.
The side dominated by the third years pulled through by just a hair. They gathered around their coach and visitor, awaiting feedback.
“You’ve come a long way. Even since we played last,” Oikawa said. “That’s impressive. If you had to say, where are your issues?”
“Receiving,” Daichi said.
“Blocking…” Tsukishima admitted.
“Some of us could improve our serves,” Sugawara said. “...Or all of us.”
Oikawa stared at Sugawara while nodding. The team watched on, growing uncomfortable as time went on. Once Sugawara started to curl in on himself, Oikawa spoke.
“Yeah, that’s all true,” he said, sitting back. “But it wasn’t where I was going. You’ve prided yourself on your teamwork. It isn't where it should be. You’re no Aoba Johsai, nor should you expect to be.
“You work well together, but there’s still something that doesn’t click here.”
They all looked at each other.
“Is it me and Kageyama?” Sugawara asked. “Setters really are responsible for a lot of the game.”
Oikawa blinked at him, “God, you have such a good voice.” Sugawara blinked. “Yes and no. While it’s vital the setter understands the rest of the team, the rest of the team also needs to understand each other.”
“What do you mean?” Asahi asked.
“You need to know each other’s strengths and weaknesses. You also have to LIKE each other,” Oikawa stared at Tsukishima. “I can tell you have a lot of beef with your teammates. I suggest you talk it out.”
“I’m hardly the problem,” Tsukishima dismissed.
“Oh, contraire,” Oikawa said. “There’s two major points of contention here,” he pointed to Tsukishima, “and here,” he pointed to Kageyama. “Spill.”
Kageyama cringed as the word echoed in his head from when he’d heard it just the day before in the cafe.
The team looked to Tsukishima.
“Look, what do you want me to say? As a player, I don’t respect Kageyama. He’s doing better, but that relationship doesn’t change overnight.”
“Now, your problem with shortie?”
“He’s annoying. He has good attacks but hardly any other skill. It weighs us down.”
“And your problem with Mr. Refreshing?” Oikawa asked, pointing to Sugawara.
Sugawara jumped, he hadn’t realized Tsukishima had an issue with him.
“Um… Nothing?” Tsukishima said.
“Perfect answer!” Oikawa said. “Tobio, what’s your issue?”
“With what? I don’t have an issue.”
Everyone looked at him with a look telling him they knew he was lying.
“Let’s start with Tsukishima.”
“Um, I think he’s rude for no reason. Shit disturber. Um,” Kageyama said. “He’s a bit hard on me, but that’s not bad because it pushes me to do better. So…”
“Okay, what’s your issue with ginger, there?”
Kageyama looked over at Hinata and felt his stomach drop. He was going to throw up in his mouth. He kept his eyes on Hinata as he spoke, out of respect.
“We spend too much time together. I enjoy spending time with you, but being together 24/7 clearly isn’t working for us. I wish we didn’t fight so often. I think it’d help us if I got my own place or something. I don’t want to quit on us and I don’t want to not play volleyball with you.”
“Wow, good. I didn’t even have to push you to a resolution,” Oikawa said.
“I wish you were more honest about what’s happening with you. Whenever I ask, you deflect and it turns into something bigger. I think your idea is good. It isn’t forever. We could always move back in together in the future when we’re out of high school and I don’t live with my mom.”
Kageyama moved and hugged Hinata. His heart finally broke out of the world’s strongest man’s grip as it swelled. It was one weight off his shoulders.
“Heartwarming,” Oikawa said flatly. “Let’s carry on.”
-
After a long, reflective practice they all shuffled out of the gym.
Kageyama and Hinata began their walk home together.
They were about shoulders width apart from each other and they said nothing. They just watched the sidewalk as it passed below them.
After some time, Hinata reached out and took Kageyama’s hand. The brunet squeezed his fingers fondly.
As they passed the mountains, Kageyama stopped moving. Hinata noticed when his fingers were pulled by the unexpected tension. Kageyama stared out over the mountain range as the sun began setting.
The sky was orange, red, pink, purple, blue. It was beautiful. He looked down at Hinata who then stared out at it, too. He smiled and pulled the ginger into his side.
Hinata wrapped his arm around Kageyama’s waist in response. They stood there for a while until the yellow disappeared out of the sky. Then the pink. Then the red. Then the purple. Then the blue faded dark.
Neither wanted to move. Neither wanted to speak. Neither wanted to do a single thing to break up the moment before they had to continue working through the mess they made together.
So… They stayed. And neither of them moved. And neither of them spoke.
They simply let the silent ‘I love you’ hang in the air above them.