Chapter Text
Skye has never had people. She’s only really had temporary families and reluctant friends. Sure there was Miles, and that had been perfect for a little while. Until she realised she was just desperate for a family and he was just a good man. But she didn’t love him, not the way she wanted to. He was the best friend she’d ever had and she wanted him to be her person. Her soulmate, the love of her life, everything rolled into one. But one day she realised that those people don’t really exist, and if they did they’d probably still break her heart.
Today’s the day she realises just how true that is. That the people you love the most can break your heart the quickest. She had given up on true love and soulmates and all those things a long time ago, but then she met Jemma. Everything seemed better, brighter, safer. No one has ever made her laugh the way Jem does, no one ever made her feel so safe. Jemma accepted Skye into her heart and Skye had begun to think that maybe Jemma was her soulmate, it didn’t matter if Jemma didn’t love her they way she wanted, sometimes best friends are better than anything. And when it comes to Jemma, Skye will take whatever she’s offered. Or at least that’s what she would have said yesterday, take anything Jemma offers and never push for more.
But then Jemma got sick, and then she threw herself out of an airplane. When they heard the cargo hold lowering and Ward had run, instantly figuring out what was going on, Skye’s heart had felt like it had stopped beating. Skye instantly went to run after Ward, but arms held her back, strong arms, she looked down to see Coulson and May holding her back. They had guilt in their eyes, but they both knew if they let her go she would act without thinking of the consequences. Watching events unfold on the cameras was painful for them all. Her heart feels as though it shatters the moment Jemma’s feet leave the edge of the ramp and she goes tumbling into the sky. But then miraculously Jemma and Ward were back on the Bus, and they were standing in front of Coulson being berated for their reckless behaviour.
From out in the corridor Skye can hear every word of their scolding. She retreats back to her bunk, not wanting Jemma to emerge and see her tear stained face. She can’t stay away long, after splashing some water on her face and trying to pull herself together she knows the only thing that will ground her is Jemma’s touch. The moment she spots her she launches herself into Jemma’s arms. No words necessary, none available to her even if she wanted them.
Hours later, after Skye sneaks silently back to her bunk after the hug, after Jemma speaks to Fitz, Skye’s emotions are bubbling over and she’s not sure how long she can keep the words building in her throat to herself. She has told herself for months that having Jemma as a friend was enough, was all she needed. But now, having faced the possibility of losing her in such an extreme way she’s not sure she can keep going with at least trying to have more.
Skye finds Jemma in the lab, it’s late now, everyone else is in their bunks and the Bus is quiet. Jemma doesn’t appear to be working, she is staring off into space, the lab is spotless, not a test tube out of place. Jemma’s been here for awhile, cleaning while she thinks through the days events.
‘Oh, hello Skye, I didn’t hear you come in’ Jemma stutters out once she snaps out of her daze.
‘I-uh-I’ve-’ Skye stutters. ‘I want to be selfish with you’ Skye’s words tumble out. Jemma looks at her, slightly confused. ‘No, wait that’s-that’s not what I meant to say’.
Skye is visibly shaking with nerves, she wants to get these words out, but she wants them to be said the right way, in the correct order, without stuttering, Jemma deserves that much at least. Noticing Skye’s shaking hands, Jemma takes a step closer to her, places a gentle hand on Skye’s arm. Skye’s eyes snap up to meet Jemma’s. She feels better immediately, her body calms and her words straighten themselves out.
‘Something happened to me when I met you Jemma, I started believing again, in everything. I was so sad before I came to Shield and nothing fit right and I could never stick around in one place. But then I met this team and I met you and everything sort of snapped into focus. I’ve never had a friend like you Jem. No one’s ever loved me as well as you do. And it’s been so wonderful but then lately I’ve started thinking things I probably shouldn’t be thinking. And then you proved once again that you are the most selfless person in the world by jumping out of an airplane to save the rest of us.
You’re so selfless and all I want to be is selfish. I want you all to myself. I want to hold your hand all the time. And I want to kiss you whenever I want to, even if you’re working and it makes Fitz uncomfortable. I just want to be able to touch your lips whenever the impulse strikes me’.
Jemma lets out a gasp at Skye’s confession, but doesn’t interrupt.
‘I thought I could keep it to myself. Just stand by and be your friend, be close to you and share secrets and talk about Ward and Fitz, and wonder how long May and Coulson are going to pretend they aren’t a couple. But every few days it’s gotten harder and harder. When we were on that mission a few weeks ago and it was raining and we were out in the field with no shelter. That day I realised that I’m jealous of the rain and the way it gets to touch your face. The goddamn rain Jemma! Or when you’re with Fitz and you’re laughing about something I get so jealous! Jealous that I’m not the one laughing with you, not the one making you laugh. I want to be the reason you wake up smiling every day. I’m jealous of every single thing in your life that gets to be closer to you than I am. And I know it’s ugly and I know I should have kept it to myself. But you threw yourself out of an airplane today and it stunned me more than I’ve ever been stunned by anything. So I’m telling you how I feel, all the ugly parts of my love for you. Because if something happens to us tomorrow, I can’t go down knowing you don’t know how much love there is for you in this world.
You amaze me everyday, with your brain, or your lovely face, or your hilarious jokes. I just had to let you know. I finally found my person Jemma. And if everything I’ve just said ruins our friendship, then I’m so sorry. But I couldn’t keep it inside any longer. And I will always be thankful for the few months we got to share together. You’re the best person I’ve ever known Jems, I hope you never forget how wonderful you are, how loved you are. I know you love me Jemma, but I love you a different way and I had to be selfish today because it was the worst moment of my life watching you fall and I can’t keep it to myself anymore. I’m sorry’.
Skye takes a step towards the door, chances a look at Jemma’s face. She looks a little shellshocked more than anything. There are tears shining in Jemma’s eyes, but Skye’s not sure what their from, the friendship she potentially just destroyed, or the possibilities now lying in front of them? Jemma doesn’t make any moves to stop her so she just continues on out the door and down the corridor.
She makes it almost to the end of the corridor before a faint ‘Wait Skye’ reaches her ears.