Archive of Our Own

  I gasp at the pain. It was unbearable. 

  Worse than I have ever experienced; worse than the poisons and cuts and bruises. 

  I wheeze for air. My lungs burn and the water sweeps past my lips for the hundredth time. I am drowning in the sea of Faerie, my hands frantically grabbing for anything to hold onto. I need to anchor myself before I fall any deeper. 

  Before I pass the point of no return and can't feel or see anything, for eternity. 

  My vision is rapidly getting blurrier, my eyes stinging from the harsh saltwater. My nose burns from inhaling so much water. 

  And that's when I hear it. 

  That's when I hear Baelkin's curses and Locke's taunts. That's when I see Madoc's sneer. A panicked scream escapes my lips, and my arms flail around aimlessly. 

  Their cruel voices and hurtful comments pull at my heartstrings, lighting the innermost part of my being with a bright fire of rage. 

  And before I can do or say anything else, everything stops. 

  The voices fade. 

  The ocean around me fades. 

  I fade. 

  And then...everything turns pitch black, my heart sinks with my own body, and I give up the fight to the weight that has been pulling on my legs for minutes.

  -

  I awake with a cry, rising from my spot on the bed. I place a hand on my heart, and I feel the erratic beat of it. I turn to my left and notice how he isn't there. 

  High King of Elfhame, my husband, Cardan Greenbriar, isn't laying beside me. 

  I am quickly reminded of the fact that he was supposed to attend a revel of a high fae some distance away from the palace. He didn't want me going, because he knew nothing good would come out of the 'gathering.' 

  And we both know what that means. 

  My hands find their way into my long, chestnut-brown hair, and my fingers pull at the soft locks. 

  I have been having nightmares for over three weeks now. Every single damn night. And it doesn't seem like they are going to let up anytime soon. 

  It's constantly the same thing. 

  I am always in the sea; growing closer to my death. But the voices I hear each night change. It is always my worst enemies that curse me out (like Baeklin, or Valerian). Or, worst of all...the voice was Cardan's. 

  His words always cut the deepest. Always hurt the most. 

  And even though I know he doesn't mean any of it - even though it's all my imagination from things said in the past - I can't help but feel the familiar sense of anger grief as I listen to his cruel words. 

  It is hard to look at him in real life after I dream of such horrible things. 

  But I haven't told him anything about it. I haven't confided in him my struggles or burdens at nighttime. 

  And if he does know, somehow, someway...he never shows it. 

  Cardan is a heavy sleeper. It takes much to wake him up. 

  Especially if he has had a drink or two. 

  I chuckle to myself. "That crazy drunk," I say under my breath. Sometimes I wonder why I even fell in love with such a mad bastard. 

  But he was my mad bastard. 

  I rise from my bed and walk silently over to the patio just off of the side of our master bedroom. It's nearing midnight; the usual time when all of the Fae in Elfhame rise from their slumber and begin their days. 

  Things are quite backward here in Faerie. 

  I stare out into the distance, looking up to see the faint glimmer of stars start to shine through the dark abyss that is the sky. 

  Everything is so still and quiet. 

  Unlike my heart, which is racing like a mad horse on a battlefield. 

  I twist my hands together and note how clammy my palms are.

  It takes a lot for me to be this anxious these days. Ever since Cardan and I brought balance back to Faerie, six months ago, everything has seemed more peaceful. Everyone has seemed content. 

  Cardan and I have begun to work on our relationship. We have begun to start the process of sharing our feelings more. Of listening to each other more. Of not tricking or taunting each other anymore. 

  But then again, that will always be apart of who we are. Cardan will always be a Faerie, and I will always be a mortal. We will always banter, even if it is 'all in good fun.'

  That's just the way it has been; just the way we are when we're together. 

  And that's okay. That's what makes us...us. That's what makes our relationship strong and powerful. 

  "I would've guessed that The High Queen of Elfhame would already be dressed and ready to attend to the necessary routines of the day," I heard a familiar voice say with a chuckle behind me. 

  And before I can do or say anything, I feel a pair of arms wrap around my waist, pulling me closer to the person behind me. 

  I look up at Cardan, and he bends his head down to press a gentle kiss against my lips. 

  "You never can be sure what my plans are for the day, my King," I say to him in a quiet voice, a smile pulling across my lips. 

  I see something change in my husband's eyes, and a soft light now floods his dark orbs.

  A rare sight. 

  "Did you sleep well?" 

  My mind drifts back to my nightmare. I feel a cold finger graze the length of my spine. I still have no idea why I've been dreaming such things for so long. 

  And when I stay silent, Cardan kisses me again to recapture my attention. 

  "Jude ?" He begins to ask in a hushed voice, "Is everything alright?" 

  "Hmm? Oh, yes, everything's fine." I lie, plastering a fake smile onto my face. 

  I watch as Cardan's brows furrow. "You know you can tell me anything, right?" 

  I nod my head in silent understanding. 

  But still...hearing the words fall from my husband's lips feels like a dream. Only two years ago, we were sworn enemies to each other; trying to find new days to best one another in our many quarrels. 

  And now, here we are; holding onto each other tenderly, with Cardan telling me that I can lay all of my worries on him without any repercussions. 

  There are no tricks. 

  No jests. 

  No backstabs. 

  Just Cardan Greenbriar, my husband, the High King of Elfhame, confessing his affection for me in soft touches and hushed whispers. 

  And as foreign as it feels to me...An odd sense of uneasy calm come over my entire body. 

  I am lying to him. 

   I have been for the entirety of us knowing each other . 

  He can't lie, but I can. 

  And I have mastered the art over the years. Being with The Court of Shadows and having to smuggle my way out of many difficult situations throughout my entire life in Elfhame; I have become an expert at telling tales. 

  And sometimes...that fact scares me. 

  It scares me so much, I feel like hurling whenever they slip past my lips like now. I don't mind lying to certain people, especially evil Fae and beings that are out to end me. 

  But Cardan is a different story.

  Now that we are married, I feel like I can't lie to him anymore, at least...not to the extent that I used to. It isn't like in the past; when I had come back from Elfhame after being banished and had to lie my way through Court, professing to be my twin sister, Taryn. 

  No. Now, everything is different. 

  Cardan's and I's relationship is stronger than it has ever been before. It isn't like before; when it had been held together by a thinning red string of fate. It isn't like before; when one wrong word or move could send us both into a self-destructive spiral of emotions. 

  Now, I felt an obligation to tell him the truth- no matter how difficult it was. 

  But there is no denying the pit I feel widen in my stomach every day I continue to keep up this façade. 

  Every day, I lie to his face and tell him that 'I'm fine.'

  When, in fact, I am the complete opposite. 

  I am so worried about my own life, so frightened to lay my head down on my pillow, so burdened by all of the lies. I am slowly getting weaker with it all...slowly becoming exhausted with keeping up all of the deceptions. 

  And I know it is only a matter of time before Cardan finds out. 

  He says nothing more and continues to hold me in his lengthy arms. That is until I grow uncomfortable with the pit growing in my stomach and the worry gnawing at my mind. 

  "I need to get ready for the day," I say, finally pulling away from my husband's grasp and making my way back into our bedroom.  

  I push the bell on my nightstand. A maid will be up in a few short minutes to help me get cleaned up and look somewhat presentable for the day. 

  "How was your 'event?'" I word my tone carefully. I make sure none of my worries show through me. 

  Hiding my true emotions is another thing I have mastered over the years. Living as Madoc's 'fake daughter ' has helped a great deal in that department. 

  Cardan groans and rests his hands behind him on our plush mattress.

 His midnight, curly black hair is tousled, softening his sharp jaw and cheekbones. He is dressed in his typical fashion - a brocade black jacket with intricately sown vines all over it, a loose, billowy white undershirt, and simple black pants. 

  I watch silently, as he begins to undo the silver buttons to his extravagant jacket before he ultimately throws the garment onto one of the lounge chairs beside the bed. Ever since I have known him, he's always dressed over-the-top. Sometimes, it comes across as downright gaudy. 

  But Cardan Greenbriar could care less what he looks like to other people. 

  That is...unless it's me. 

  Then, and only then- does he ever give care to how he looks. 

  "It was in typical Faerie manner," my husband begins to say in a bored tone, "getting drunk until everything is blurry, senseless courts people trying to persuade me into some kind of ludicrous agreement, and my not-so-acquaintances flashing daggers my way with their eyes alone." 

  I hide a smile. He can be so dramatic sometimes. "Sounds fun," I say the words with a hint of sarcasm. 

  But I am surprised that Cardan isn't currently drunk. Usually, when he comes back from the revels the Fae hold for him, he's drunk beyond reason. My husband loves a good drink, that's for sure. 

  Cardan looks up at my words, his dark eyes shining with that tiny sliver of gold in them. "I'm glad you didn't come along with me." 

  "Oh? And why's that?" 

  But I already know what his answer will be. I just love hearing him say it. Every time the words fall from his lips, I feel my heart race with sudden admiration for the man before me. 

  "Because , they would have-" Cardan begins to say, but is interrupted by a quick knock at the door. 

  I call out for the person to enter. My dressing maid, Arya, comes through our bedroom door a moment later. She is a small faerie; almost as short as Oak, with her skin the milky white of a pearl, and long, black hair that shimmers in the light. Her eyes are soft and round, blue as ice. And her mouth is thin and pink. 

  She is a very beautiful Fae. 

  "My Queen, you called," she says, with a bow towards Cardan and I. "Shall we begin your dressing for the day?" 

  Her voice is as dainty as her eyes. 

  I nod my head. "That would be wonderful." 

  I turn Cardan's way and a small smile creeps onto my lips. "My Lord, you'll have to excuse us now." 

  Cardan knows the protocol. As soon as we defeated all of our enemies six months ago, and I crowned the official High Queen of Elfhame, it was put into place that every day, I should be dressed by a court maid; and that Cardan, if he is in the room at the time, shall make his exit. 

  It is proper etiquette to some of the High Fae. 

  In the beginning, Cardan would grumble about 'not being able to see his wife get changed,' and that 'he had every right to stay.' But after a while, he had gotten accustomed to the routine. 

  "I shall see you later then, my love," Cardan says, bowing low to my maid and me. 

  I am still unaccustomed to the new name. He has been playing around with different, more affectionate nicknames - that is, besides 'my darling villain,' and 'my arch-nemesis.' 

  It feels odd to hear the word 'my love' roll off of my husband's tongue so easily. He also liked to call me 'sweetheart,' from time to time, but only if he is high off Faerie liquor. 

  I watch, as Cardan rises from our bed, making his way over to my side. I am tall - at least, for female mortal standards - yet he still towers a good five or so feet over me. 

  He leans down into me and presses a firm kiss against my lips. I return the gesture, and my eyes followed his lean, pale figure out the door. Cardan loves showing our growing affection to the public. Especially to the maids, who saw us daily. 

  Arya suddenly clears her throat, bringing me out of my daze. "My queen, shall we begin our routine?" 

  "Oh, yes, of course." 

  For the rest of the day, my mind is occupied by my dreams. Every moment I have to myself, I go back to that feeling of being trapped under the sea - losing my breath as I listened to the taunts and jeers of my enemies. 

  Cardan has retired to our bedroom for the rest of the night, letting me take over the duties of the kingdom for the entirety of the evening.

  I am exhausted - more mentally, than physically - when I reach our bedroom chamber's door early this afternoon. I have been signing documents and treaties all night. The Fae can be very headstrong when it comes to getting their way. 

  There was no doubt about that. 

  "You look like death rolled over," I hear a soft voice say from the corner of our parlor room. Our suite has three rooms- a bathroom, bedroom, and a study/living space area. 

  I look over to the shadows and see my twin sister, Taryn, sitting on a velvet cushioned armchair. She is wearing an elaborate green gown with gold spun throughout the entire thing. Her chestnut brown hair is curled in soft waves and frames her beautiful face. 

  Whenever I see Taryn, it's like I'm looking at myself - if only I had softer features and dressed in elaborate gowns every day. 

  Today I wear a dark red fitted suit coat, breeches, and matching brown boots. My hair is pulled away from my face and braided. Though the hairstyle had been neat in the early nighttime, some strands of my unruly locks have fallen in front of my face throughout the night. 

  "Nice to see you too," I say with a grumble before I place a handful of documents down on the desk next to me. Cardan will have to look them over later. 

  "I'm serious, Jude," Taryn begins, and I turn her way and fold my arms defiantly across my chest. "You don't look so good." 

  "I'm fine." 

  There is silence for a few seconds before an exasperated sigh falls from my twin sister's lips. 

  "Oh? Then what are those dark circles under your eyes?" 

  "They're nothing." 

  "Are you too stressed with dealing with the court? You know Vivi and I are always here to help." 

  I shake my head. I can only handle so much of my sister's worries. She is like the doting mother I never had. "Forget it, Taryn. I said it's fine." 

  "Is it Cardan?" 

  Her voice is quiet now, slow, and practiced. I don't know if my husband is in the other room, so I don't plan on confessing anything to her. But even if he isn't, I don't feel comfortable sharing such things with Taryn. Our relationship is still on the...rocky side of things; ever since she betrayed me and slowly managed to win my trust back, that is. 

  "No, it's not Cardan," I say, rolling my eyes to make it seem like I am my perfectly normal self and am not some sleep-deprived, anxious remnant of Jude Greenbriar. "Why would you even ask such a thing?" 

  Taryn shrugs. "I don't know. It's just...I know how difficult he can be at times." 

  "Well, don't worry, everything's fine. Cardan and I are doing great." 

  I walk over to my sister and pull her up from her seat. "Now, if that's all you came here to say, then you can leave." 

  "At least I care about you, Jude." 

  I lead her to our parlors door, opening them and shoving her outside. "Yeah, I appreciate your nagging and prying. You've been a big help." 

  Now it's Taryn's time to roll her eyes. "Gosh, stop being such a baby." 

  I say nothing more and shut the door on her face. But I know Taryn expects that much from me. A sigh escapes my lips as I make my way into my bedroom. I catch a glimpse of a sleeping Cardan on the bed. 

  I shed my clothes and slip on a nightgown. I don't feel like dealing with another maid today. I am too tired of everything. 

  I lay my head down gently on the pillow beside Cardan's and pull the coverlets over my body. I turn on my side, and my gaze falls on my husband's peaceful face. 

  My eyes start to cloud with tears as I look on at him. "I'm sorry," I say the words in the quietest of a whisper before I shut my eyes and darkness blooms where light fades. 

   - 

  Another week goes by with the same nightmares. Although, they seem to be getting worse. I drown quicker, and the taunts have become so  unbearable I find myself crying when I wake up. Everyone goes about their daily lives as normal. But whenever Taryn sees me, she watches carefully. 

  I ignore her stares, like always. 

  And Cardan has been acting the same. Though sometimes, I catch him staring at me, and something pulls at my gut. 

  His eyes will be full of...

  Worry. 

  In those rare moments, his captivating orbs shine with an emotion he hardly ever shows, but then I blink and it's all gone. 

  I must be imagining it. 

   I wake up with a quiet scream one night. The nightmare is especially bad this time. I feel the familiar warmness of tears cascade down my cheeks. 

  I feel Cardan beside me. He doesn't move; still as a statue. 

  Sound asleep. 

  I rise from our bed and wrap a long, thin wool coat around my waist, shoving my boots onto my socked feet. 

  Our room is too small. Too constructing. I need to get out before the very air I breathe sucks the life out of me. 

  At this time of the evening, when the sun has just set and the sky is still darkening into night, the palace is nearly empty. I make my way through the grand halls. I pass all of the guards and maids and walk right through the palace gate's, undisturbed. 

  I don't even know where my feet are taking me. Why I'm walking so quickly.

  But when I finally stop, I realize where I am. 

  I feel the familiar cool water lap at my feet. Tremble at the softness of wet sand as my skin sinks deeper into it. Smell the fresh scent of the sea breeze in the air. 

  The tears fall freely now, my entire body shaking as they escape my eyes.

  I don't even know what's happening to me. What's torturing me so, with such nightmares as the ones I've been having. 

  But suddenly, I feel an odd sense of calm rush over me. I feel a pull at the pit of my stomach, urging me into the waters. Maybe if I face my fears of being in the ocean again, the nightmares will stop? 

  I lose all sense of reality around me. I focus all of my energy on the crystal clear water before my eyes. The ocean is so vast and beautiful, yet so dangerous and cruel. 

  My breath becomes shallow. I'm now waste deep in the dark abyss.

  Yes, yes, my sweet. Come closer, and you will be healed from all ailments.

  I am seldom aware of the commotion going on behind me. I don't hear the calls for me, or the frantic slap of feet on the sand, or the quick laps in the water, or the gasps for air.

  All of my focus is on the sweet voice now ringing in my ears. And when I can't go any further without dunking my head under, I gladly obey the voice. 

  Follow me, my daughter. And soon you will feel the healing powers of the ocean. 

  I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I step off the ledge that connects the shore's sand-bank from the deeps of the ocean. My breath becomes quiet- and all too late, I feel my lungs constrict as I gulp down water. 

  But I can't break away from the force. It has taken over my entire body, and I can't compel my mind to do anything else but listen. 

  My vision starts to become blurry, and my limbs go limp. The water around me isn't soothing anymore. The salt cuts into my eyes and burns my skin. It is cold and ruthless. 

  So this is what drowning feels like. 

  I have tried to make myself forget the same sensation that I had felt when Queen Orleigh had captured me a year ago, but against my own will- it is familiar. 

  Everything suddenly turns black, and the voice dims. All I can hear is the soft beating of my heart, as it slowly begins to stop racing. 

  And just as I lose it to the darkness - just as my limbs become relaxed with submission - I feel a jolt throughout my body. I feel a warm arm snake around my waist and hoist me up. 

  Then, and only then- do I finally let go. 

   - 

  When I wake up, my throat hurts like hell. I cough, and accidentally make it even worse. I feel goosebumps rise on my skin, and my entire body starts to shake erratically.

  I am laying in my bed, tucked under Cardan and I's coverlets. I look down at my outfit and note how I was dressed in a new nightgown. 

  At least, not the one I last remember wearing. 

  No one is around, but there is a silver platter on the top of the dresser next to me that holds some tinctures, bandages, and vials of liquids - they are most likely all healing potions. 

  My ears adjust to the quiet, and I hear hushed whispers just outside the bedroom door; coming from the parlor. 

  "I've done all I can, my King." I hear one man say. 

  "But what if she doesn't  make it ? She was under there for too damn long! She should be awake by now," another voice frantically exclaims. 

  The panic rises in my chest once more. I haven't heard Cardan sound so nervous in a long time. 

  "We just need to wait and see what happens, My Lord. I can assure you that nothing bad will happen to your wife. You just need to give her time to rest."  

  I hold my breath, and silence ensues. I wait for someone to enter the bedroom, but the door never opens.

  I suppose Cardan heeded the physician's advice. 

  For once, he listens to someone- that is, besides me. 

  What has the world come to these days? 

  I lay back down, letting my back sink into the soft of the mattress and my head rest on the soft, feather pillow. I close my eyes, and before I can even stop myself, I am asleep again. 

   - 

  I don't have a nightmare. For the first time in a long time, I wake up without tears in my eyes and a scream in my throat. For the first time in a long time, my heart isn't racing. For the first time in a long time, my mind isn't burdened with the heavy thoughts of anxiety. 

  I turn my head to the left and note that Cardan isn't beside me. It is the middle of the day. He should be in bed by now. 

  And that's when I hear it.

 The sound is so soft and quiet, I mistake it for a gust of wind. 

  But the heaves and muffled sobs rise above the breeze. Above anything else.

  And it is the only thing I can focus on at that moment. 

  I look out to the patio adjacent to my left, and my eyes land on a figure standing over the silver railing. Their back is curved- their entire, long and thin body shaking with their sobs. 

  My heart breaks upon the sight. 

  Cardan rarely cries. 

  What...

  What is he so upset about? 

  Is it his mother? 

  My sisters? 

  Is it something about...me? 

  "Cardan?" I ask, and my voice comes out hoarse from being unused. I don't know how long I have been asleep. I clear my throat quietly. 

  He doesn't turn around. He doesn't hear me. His cries have taken over his entire being- blocking out everything happening around him.

  "Cardan." I say my words louder this time and watch as my husband's entire body freezes. 

  He looks like he has just been shot by a bolt of lightning. 

  Like he has just been entranced by the worst kind of Faerie fruit. 

  Cardan Greenbriar looks like the ice on the river; frozen down to the very core. 

  I feel the air around me bend and shape into something entirely different than before. It is calm yet somewhat hostile. Now, it feels like the very wind is holding its breath. Like it is waiting- watching for what is to happen next. 

  My eyes trail on Cardan, as he turns around slowly. His hair is so messy. He is dressed in simple black pants and a billowy white shirt with the collar half unbuttoned. 

  But his face...

  Oh, his face says it all. 

  It is frozen in surprise- and the tears have halted their paths down his white-as-snow cheeks for only a moment. 

 Then, everything buckles under the weight of the air; and it all comes crashing down on me like a never-ending tidal wave...and everything breaks, as a tiny sob falls from my husband's lips. 

  High King of Elfhame, Cardan Greenbriar's, face melts into something entirely different. His features smooth out and his mouth quivers. 

  And the tears...

  They begin to fall again in a matter of seconds. 

  He is by my side of the bed in three seconds, his long legs striding far. His knees are on the ground in two seconds. And his arms are fitted around my waist in one second. 

  He pulls me into him with such force, I am afraid he'll crush the air right out of my delicate lungs. 

  He says nothing. 

  Does nothing. 

  Just sits there on our bedroom's floor, hugging the dear life out of me. 

  I feel the panic and anxiety that has been building up inside of me for the past month start to rise out of my chest, and it all pours out into warm tears that cascade down my cheeks. 

  We stay like that for a long time- holding onto each other like our lives depend on it, and crying until our faces are puffy and our throats dry. 

  "I-I thought I had lost y-you," Cardan finally says after what feels like an eternity of silence between the two of us. 

  I burrow my face deeper into his neck. "Why would you ever think that?"

  "You were asleep for three weeks, Jude." 

  My racing heart stops at his words and plummets into my stomach. My hands wind their way into his lush- curly dark hair, and I grab hold of as much of it as I can manage. 

  "What?" 

  This can't be happening. This isn't possible. How long had I been under the water for? How close to death had I been? I have survived dozens of life-threatening things- Faerie fruit, drugs and poisons, stabbings, and extreme sleep deprivation. But I had always made it out alive. 

  And I had never, ever been asleep for more than two days. 

  "That night, I followed you to the beach," Cardan begins to explain, rubbing my back to try to soothe the both of us. "A-and you just started going into the water. I barely got to you in time; but when I did, you were not responsive. I had all the best doctors in Faerie treat you, but none of them understood what had happened and why you were still asleep." 

  I gulp down my anxiety. What had been that voice that I had heard out in the ocean? 

  "I woke up once. But I don't remember what time it was. All I remember is hearing you and some physician talking out in the parlor." 

  Cardan says nothing but merely continues to hold onto me. 

  My entire body starts to shake, as I remember the voice inside my head from that day. "T-there was some kind of voice I heard that day. It was calling me into the water. That's why I had gone in." 

  My husband finally pulls away from me, but his hands don't leave my hips. And even in his distraught state, even though he has most-likely been crying for hours on end, and has been exhausted with worry...

  He still looks beautiful. 

  Exquisitely, and ethereally breathtaking.

  Gosh, he looked so gorgeous- so inhumanly attractive...it made me want to cry all over again.  

  "What did you say?" His voice is low and grave, and he gets up from the floor and sits down on the bed beside me. His slender fingers still grip my covered skin. 

  "I don't know- it was a female's voice. She said beautiful things to me, tempting me to go into the ocean. I was so delusional with sleep, I just...followed." 

  I watch, as a dark shadow casts over Cardan's face. His eyes deepen until they almost look black, and his lips press into a thin line. 

  And his jaw...

  It is so clenched, I am afraid he'll shatter his teeth. 

  "Those fools," he curses under his breath- all the while confusing me more. 

  "What are you talking about?" 

  My husband looks me deeply in the eyes, and his hands find mine, squeezing them. "That was a siren you heard. Although Dain's Gaes still affects you, it stands  no chance  to the power of a siren. They can allure even the bravest of warriors." 

  The pit in my stomach grows impossibly wider - so big, I fear it is now the size of a chasm. 

  "Are you sure?" 

  "Positive. There have been some recent sightings of them near the palaces' shores. I had warned everyone to stay away from the area- but now hearing this- I feat I will have to put up even more precautions." 

  Cardan runs a frustrated hand through his silky hair. I grab for his palm and bring it to my cheek, pressing it against my warm skin. 

  "Cardan...I've been having-"

  "Nightmares. Yes, I know." 

  My eyes widen. I had thought that I had hidden it well enough. "H-how did you know?" 

  His gaze softens once more, and he wipes away my excess tears with a gentle thumb. "My sweet, you can't expect me to not know when you aren't sleeping well." 

  I smile at his words and lean into his touch. "I didn't want to burden you, I know how much you have on your plate right now. But why didn't you ever mention it?" 

  "I thought- if you wanted to talk about it, you would. Who am I  to pry such hardships out of you?" My husband says in a low voice. "But, now looking back on it- I should have said something sooner, that way we wouldn't have gotten involved in such a...fussy mess." 

  "I went to the beach that night because I had another one- and couldn't sleep." 

  He nodded. "I heard you get up." 

  I swallowed. "Then...did you hear all of the times that I woke up gasping for breath and crying?" 

  I hope he says no. If he had heard such things; it will hurt to know that he hadn't cared enough to ask what was wrong. 

  But the look on Cardan's face says it all. His brows furrow and his exquisite eyes deepen with sadness. 

  "If I had known such things, I surely wouldn't have let my Queen suffer for so long alone. I'd much prefer to keep her company when she was up and wasn't feeling quite as well as she should have." He says the words in the quietest of a whisper. 

  A ghost of a smile creeps onto my lips, and Cardan mirrors my expression.

  He can't lie. 

  So I am assured of the fact that he is telling the truth. 

  "Thank you, Cardan," I begin slowly, "for saving my life." 

  I bring his hand up to my lips and kiss the soft skin. 

  My husband shifts his palm and places his hand underneath my chin to lean my head up. "And thank you for coming back to me, my sweet." 

  He leans down into me and presses his lips against mine. His mouth fits perfectly around my own, and I melt into his touch. 

  I know things will be different from now on. I know that Cardan will most-likely ask me how I slept every single night now- not accepting any lie for an answer. 

  But it isn't just him who will change after all of this...I will change as well. I will try to get better about sharing my struggles and burdens with him. 

  And I make a promise to myself - right then and there - to always try to tell the truth when it comes to my feelings and Cardan. 

  Even if it is unbearably hard at times, I'll try my very best.

  If only for him. 

Fin.