Archive of Our Own

Steve Harrington, among other things, was just another guy as far as Jonathan was concerned. He was a flashy rich boy with cruel friends and a postcard life ahead of him, destined to fall into the waves of monotony that a person like Jonathan could only ache for. The comfort and wealth that Steve Harrington flaunted so easily was something that Jonathan could remember wishing for when he was only ten, curled up on the mattress Lonnie found on the side of the road and clothed in discount thrift store pajamas. It sucked, yeah, but to Jonathan, it was just how things were. The Steve Harringtons of the world were just big fish in a small tank, and Jonathan had his eyes set on the ocean. Highschool was just a torture chamber for people like him, the different ones, and once he was free he’d never look back.

Nancy used to be like that to him, once. She was a smart pretty girl who’d fallen for the handsome jock with money, destined to give up her own mundane dreams for a white picket fence and stability. It was maybe a little sad, but to the Jonathan of the past, it all was just temporary anyway. The Nancys and Steves of the world were numerous, so wrapped up in their middle-class normalcy and the nuclear family goal that they didn’t even notice the pariahs out there desperate to live a better life. The people like Jonathan trying hard to be themselves despite the little box the people in Hawkins wanted him to be in, stuck in the middle of not being enough and being too much.

Then, of course, he actually met Nancy Wheeler.

Now, he sees Nancy with clearer eyes than ever before. The day at the shooting range was only the beginning, and every day after led to him realizing- way too late of course- just what a prick he’d been. Nancy was a badass through and through, mouth soft enough to kiss but sharp enough to insist on hunting the very monster that had killed her best friend. Her normalcy was just a guise that even Jonathan had fallen for, and as she bloomed before him, he realized that maybe things weren’t so cut and dry like he’d pictured. They still had their differences they worked through of course. She was intense and hardheaded when she believed she was right, sometimes willing to step over Jonathan in her attempt to prove herself. This was always matched by Jonathan throwing up the walls he’d spent so long building as a defense to her reckless behaviors, not really caring to consider her struggles. They were both creatures of bad habits this way, and for Jonathan, it was a lot.

It was a lot, but for Nancy, it was worth it. She understood him like no one else seemed to, even when she was hotheaded and flushed with determination to be right. Even when she was rushing to make it class on time or when she was hurriedly shoving their luggage into the car because she didn’t want to be late to the big Hawkins trip again. The nights where she came up to him and kissed his jaw softly like a secret or the mornings where she’d laugh at the fucked-up pancakes he’d made were all worth it.

However, he did not expect to have a similar revelation about Steve Harrington.

After the Hopper-Byers moved out of Hawkins to Indianapolis, Jonathan and Nancy graduated and decided on Chicago to be their next big move for college. It was close enough to their families but far away enough to feel truly free from the restraints of their old lives. Jonathan worried it would be too selfish to make such a jump after everything, but Nancy made it easier. Despite all their hardships, they were still teens after all, and their futures weren’t going to wait until things were stable. She was going for journalism and he was going for photography of course, both at different colleges in the same city. The government hush money that was given to his family was enough to cover his tuition, and despite Nancy’s complaints, hers too. The Wheelers (Karen) met in the middle, covering all the other costs to insure that they could really focus on their studies. Due to their past years of chaos and extreme danger, this was the desperate break they needed.

Unknown to them until the start of the semester, Robin Buckley had also made the jump from Hawkins to Chicago to go to school for linguistics, dragging her apparent best friend Steve Harrington along with her. If someone would have told him in high school that Steve The Hair Harrington would become best friends with the smart band kid who knew like seven billion languages- another sideliner like himself- he would’ve laughed out loud. He could hardly believe that Steve was involved with the kids at all, much less someone they all respected and involved in their shenanigans, but becoming friends with someone so different of his own free will? Unheard of. Nancy always said that he wasn’t so bad and that he really was a good guy, but as far as Jonathan could tell, the math wasn’t making any sense.

Sure, he’d been there when he and Nancy took on the Demogorgon the first time, taking a bat to the monster without having any of his frantic questions answered. Yeah, he was always there in the background making sure the kids weren’t being complete reckless assholes even if that meant coming and joining in on their ridiculous plans. There was just something about him that wasn’t adding together, not like it had with Nancy. Nancy’s ascension of importance to Jonathan was all based in the idea that she wasn’t a normal sheep like he’d mistaken her for, and that was only gold plated in his mind after years of experiencing her at her brightest. Steve… well. He was harder to understand.

Robin Buckley was someone he’d never really talked with (he didn’t talk to anyone actually, but he did recognize the weirdos with a sort of distant respect), and upon meeting her again with the edgy lens he’d had in high school more or less removed, he wished he’d spoken with her before. She was sharp and funny in all the sarcastic ways that Nancy wasn’t, quick with her words in a careful, thought out way that he found interesting. Robin was a hard laugh and a playful shove packaged in a blond, freckled body, high energy and bored all at once. Jonathan wasn’t really into that sort of thing normally, but he supposed things were different now. He and Nancy Wheeler were dating, monsters from other dimensions existed, and Robin Buckley and Steve Harrington were best friends that were also going to his college.

“Oh, not Steve. I couldn’t convince him to apply because he’s a dingus and also a drama queen. He’s looking for a job now, though.” Robin explained over lunch. Jonathan wasn’t sure when they started having lunch together (or when he’d agreed to have lunch together), but they’d made it into a habit now. “You and Nancy really should visit sometime. I think he’s going stir crazy.”

“I’m sure Nancy would love that. She could barely believe he’d moved up here and out of Hawkins.” Jonathan replied, taking a bite of his sandwich. “I guess she never thought he would.”

Robin snorted. “I can’t believe they dated; you know. Steve doesn’t talk about it much, but if I hadn’t had to endure seeing them drooling over each other in the hallway with my own eyes, I would’ve thought it was a collective fever dream.” She paused then, waving her hand out latently as if physically brushing off her words. “Sorry for gossiping, Steve’s rubbing off on me.”

“No, I agree. I used to ask Nance why she and Steve were dated because it didn’t make any sense to me either. I guess they both wanted the normalcy or something. High school romances, you know.” Jonathan said evenly, thinking.

That was something he’d always been a little more than curious of. Nancy had come into his life with a fire in her eyes and a heart full of sadness, always so small when next to Steve and his douchebag friends and yet so tall when holding a gun and in the face of a roaring monster. It was a pairing that seemed so superficial and unreal that he often wondered why Nancy even missed it, remembering the party where she was drunk and incoherent enough to tell Jonathan Byers that everything was fucked up, even her and Steve. She seemed so relieved when she admitted she wasn’t in love with him because how could she be? Steve Harrington wasn’t ever someone real or close enough to trust with the bleak reality that was Hawkins; so full of missing kids and distant dimensions that there was no room for a love intended for the suburbs.

“It was nice. It was easy,” she’d explained once, voice so full of wistfulness and strange shame that Jonathan almost couldn’t stand it. He understood the desire for things to be easy, but for him, he’d known early on that such a thing had a price he wasn’t willing to pay. For Nancy he supposed she realized that too, right in the middle of discovering herself and losing her closest friend.

“Huh, yeah I guess that makes sense.” Robin replied then, taking a sizable bite of her own sandwich. “Steve’s always had a mediocre taste in girls. He’s pretty bad at relationships in general, though.”

“Hey, that’s my girlfriend you’re talking about.” Jonathan said with a startled laugh. “She’s awesome.”

Robin didn’t look all that convinced, but her wry smile and eyebrow twitch gave her away, “Yeah, okay Byers. Maybe you and Stevie aren’t so different after all.”

That night, after making dinner and doing an ungodly amount of reading, he laid in bed with Nancy, thinking about what Robin had said. He’d always had it engrained in his head that he and Steve were so opposite they were practically different species, but Robin seemed to have an in on Steve that no one else did. Really, Jonathan hadn’t given much extensive thought about Steve’s side of things with Nancy, not much more than that he was a supposedly good guy who wasn’t there for his girlfriend when she desperately needed someone. There were more layers than that of course; Jonathan was the one with the missing brother after all, not to mention Steve always being a somewhat missing character in their constant running around. Steve was always the outsider to their world, even when he was right in the middle of everything.

Steve had been through things he didn’t understand either though, he supposed. The kids always talked about that one time Steve took them into the tunnels under Hawkins to cause a distraction, the same time where Max supposedly drove them there and Dustin did some sort of lion tamer bullshit to save them from getting mauled by a Demodog. It was sort of a mystery to him on the actual workings of that whole event given he was a little busy with his own super intense set of tasks, but it was a mystifying event, nonetheless. There was also the thing with the Russians that he didn’t get either, no matter what Dustin told to Will (who told Jonathan everything, even now), Jonathan still didn’t have the whole picture. Steve was a damn good babysitter apparently, as he’d told Nancy once, one that didn’t ask questions and did anything to protect the dorks he knew would somehow find themselves in danger regardless of what he said.

He supposed the real eye opener for him was the stunt he pulled with Billy the night they destroyed Starcourt, hitting him full force and saving them all without much thought or regard for himself. The image of a bruised, bloody and apparently recently drugged Steve Harrington crawling out of the car he’d just totaled to save their lives and into the back of Nancy’s station wagon with Robin Buckley on his heels was one he didn’t think he could ever forget.

Jonathan knew that if that had been him in the car, he’d do the same.

“Hey, what are you thinking about?” Nancy asked, taking him out of his thoughts easily. He blinked and looked at her and all her sleepy beauty, hair matted to the pillow and eyes squinted in the dark. He was so lucky to be the one she picked, no matter what Nancy said.

“I talked to Robin today.” He replied softly, trying to make himself seem sleepier than he felt. He knew the moment Nancy caught wind that he was thinking too hard about something she’d find out what it was within the next few days, regardless of if he had a say in it or not. “Still weird to have them up here.”

Them, he said, willing that Nancy wouldn’t pick up on his aversion to saying the real surprise: Steve. She only squinted more though, rolling over more to face him better. “Yeah, I guess it is weird. I don’t know anything about Robin, but I never thought Steve would… you know… leave Hawkins.”

They’ve had this conversation before, and Nancy always fixated on that one part. Jonathan didn’t know Steve like Nancy does, but from what he’s gathered, they both pinned him as someone who’d never put a toe out of Hawkins even after all the bullshit they went through. For him it was something he’d always sort of assumed, but for Nancy to bring it up every time, he supposed the reality of it was pretty serious. “I’m surprised they’re even friends. Robin’s not… the type of person I would’ve thought he’d be close with.” He said then, shifting closer to Nancy.

She huffed a laugh, looking suddenly a little forlorn in the low light. “Yeah, tell me about it. He’s just so different now. Moving up here with Robin, being close with the kids…. It’s just weird. Good weird. Makes me wish I’d gotten to know him better.” She whispered then. Nancy was always the most honest when it was too late at night to regret it. A moment of silence lapsed over them then, settling deep into the moment and making Jonathan ache. Somewhere deep inside, he felt the same. Who was this Steve Harrington, the one who was always there but just out of sight?

“Well, Robin said he was going stir crazy.” He said then, not really sure what he was doing. “We could go say hi?”

Nancy laughed for real then, leaning over to kiss him and pinch his ear lazily. “Is that you Jonathan Byers? Wanting to hang out with someone?” she teased, eyes less sad now. He smiled back and kissed her cheek, curling in close. He didn’t know what he was really even trying to do, but if Hawkins taught him anything, it was to watch for the signs. Steve and Robin might not be the people he would normally like, but the Jonathan of the past had ruled his life for far too long. If he could learn Nancy all over again, he’s sure he could do it for them too.

They plan to have a dinner party the following week, and Robin decided to tell Steve this about twelve hours before said dinner party is to happen. At their apartment.

“Look, I’m sorry I didn’t let you get all weird about it a week in advance, okay? I was working on college stuff and I didn’t think about it.” Robin called out then from her position of being upside down on the couch. They didn’t have a TV yet- Robin’s mom threatened to buy them a used one just to have it but Steve and his dumbass pride insisted it would be the first thing he’d get with his first official paycheck- so all she had to stare at was the beige wall of their living room. Steve rounded the corner at 1000mph, his longer-than-desired hair whipping around with the ferocity of it.

“Woah, woah, woah. You could have told me Friday at the arcade or even over dinner on Wednesday. We could’ve laughed about it while grocery shopping literally yesterday.” He said wildly, waving his hands like a madman. Robin held in her laugh. “This is Jonathan and Nancy, Robs, not some random college friend of yours. These are people who have opinions that matter. This is a code red situation, yeah?”

“You’re being weird about it.” Robin groaned. Steve only huffed back.

“Yeah, whatever, sure. Get your shoes on. We’re going to the store.” Steve replied, running a brush through his hair like the house was on fire. Robin played up her groaning and moaning as she slid off the couch and onto the floor, snorting at Steve ignoring her to focus on the dry shampoo he was spraying. Steve was always like this when she mentioned either of them, always bitching and complaining and being weird about them in a way she didn’t have any good way to describe. He was just… weird about them.

She suspected he still loved Nancy Wheeler, which honestly, she considered an imperfection of his. Even when he’d convinced himself he’d had a crush on Robin (which is still disgusting to her), the way he talked about Nancy and almost died for her made things pretty clear. He was always looking and talking about her so wistfully. It was gross, honestly. Jonathan was another mystery entirely though. She’d known that Jonathan had beat his ass thanks to Tommy spreading that hot piece of news like wildfire, and also that Nancy essentially cheated on him with Jonathan back when Barb went missing, but other than that, she wasn’t sure. Reason and previous knowledge of one Steve Harrington would show that he should hate Jonathan Byers, but thanks to a rather simple conversation they’d had one night before making the big move, she found he didn’t hate him at all. In fact, it seemed the opposite.

“I know that he was there for her when I couldn’t be.” He’d said then, back turned to her as he folded blankets. “We weren’t- I was only being an asshole and she needed someone else. I get it. I’m glad he was there for her.”

“She hurt you, though.” Robin had said, concerned then more than before about the whole Nancy thing. “You can be mad about that, Steve.”

Steve only laughed dryly and grabbed another blanket to fold, still not looking at her. “Yeah I guess, but it’s different. Jonathan gets her. I loved her but I… yeah.” He finished lamely. “I’m not what she needed.”

Robin knew, thanks to a lengthy chat with Dustin and her own observations, that Steve’s ego had taken a good beating since the beginning of the whole Upside-Down thing. Nancy leaving him, losing his friends and sense of self in school, then sinking even lower with the job at Scoops with her, the kids being his only constant source of “friendship.” Even to her, whose life has never banked on social constructs like popularity like his did, the whole thing just seems sad. Dustin explained in the weirdly adult way he does that Steve needed reassurance and positive affirmations to let him know that he was, in fact, still cool since he really, really didn’t have much else. It was in getting to know him better that she realized for all his cool asshole behavior, inside was the soul of someone with so much care and love to give it hurt. He’d love Nancy until the end of time probably, same as he’d always talk about Tommy and Carol with a distant sort of bitterness, and as he’d always reference his family with an understanding coolness. Steve Harrington was more a lover than she’d ever understand, and she figured its why he always looked so small when he talked about Nancy. He’ll love the people who hurt him even after they prove how much they didn’t deserve it.

It still didn’t explain why he didn’t hate Jonathan, though.

She figured in his blind love for Nancy he forgave Jonathan as well, blanketing them both with an artificial understanding of what happened rather than dig deeper and figure out how he really felt about them both separately. She assumed that Steve would always sideline him as some sort of extra in the timeline shared between him and Nancy; a player who made smarter moves than him and won as a result. Robin really should remind herself that for all the expectations one could have for Steve, he- for some reason- always did something else.

“You think Jonathan’s allergic to anything?” he asked mindlessly, leaned over the shopping cart handles with the stiff nonchalance he always played up when they were in public. “You’re like, friends with him now right?”

“We’re not close enough to know food allergies, dingus, we just eat lunch sometimes. I don’t even know your allergies.” She said, lying easily. She knew his food allergies like the back of her hand of course, same as he knew hers. Steve huffed.

“Well, what if we make something and then he suddenly goes into anaful- anifilac- whatever, what if he goes into shock or something? We’re like an hour away from a hospital. He’ll die.” Steve muttered, scratching at his chin like he did when he was pretending not to be serious about something he was serious about. Robin sent him a look.

“Then he’ll die.” She said with a snort. “You forget I have an EpiPen. Fuck, you have an EpiPen. He’ll be fine. Besides, it’s not like we’re eating peanut butter tree nut seafood, drama queen. We’re just making spaghetti.”

Steve relented, but she could still see how tense his shoulder were. This is why I didn’t say shit about this earlier, she reasoned to herself, scooping up two boxes of noodles and dropping them into their shopping cart, spacing them out to make fun of Steve and his instance they get a cart for the three things they need. She knew he was going to be weird and now, low and behold, he’s living up to this one expectation. She just hoped that tomorrow wouldn’t be so bad.

-

Steve should’ve known to never doubt Robin and her drive to be as inconvenient as possible.

Dinner was going just fine in his opinion. Jonathan and Nancy arrived five minutes early, wearing clothes that were clearly unintentionally matching and looking all sweet together in the cool fall air. They brought desert unexpectedly, which was awesome given that in all his last-minute rushing around, he totally forgot that desert was a thing that normal people did after dinner with guests. He hadn’t seen Nancy in what felt like two million years, and for all the bone-deep want he still felt for her, he liked to think he played off his initial gawking pretty well. Jonathan was, well, still handsome in the weird alternative way that he always had been, not smiling but still seeming pleasant enough despite the clearly uncomfortable situation. Robin even behaved at first, welcoming them in like a normal person, all innocent and peaceful like.

It should have been obvious that she’d do something devious.

“Hey, Steve?” she asked then, right in front of Jonathan and Nancy. “I know this is sudden, but I have uh, you know. A date. Tonight. Right now.”

“Now?” he sputtered, lowering his voice sharply. “Right now? What about dinner? They’re literally already here, Rob.”

“Steve, come on, you know this is a rare thing for me. She called me earlier and asked if I was free and I freaked and said I was.” Robin said in the way she did when she wanted something bad. “Steve. Please. I need supportive best friend Steve Harrington right now, okay?”

Steve felt himself melt. “Yeah, okay. I get it. You’re a goddess among mortals, okay Rob? She treats you any less and I’m skipping this dinner too and picking you up, okay?” he managed, feeling a little whiplash from the sudden change of things happening. It was a little selfish, but Robin was always so good at making things make sense for him, especially for delicate things like rekindling a friendship. He knew this though; the struggle Robin had gone through when it came to feeling brave enough to actually date around. He’d drop everything to keep her safe, and she knows that. She had to know that.

“Thanks dingus.” She said softly, and then pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. She turned to Jonathan and Nancy who looked a little awkward and unsure of themselves all of the sudden. “Hey guys, something came up and I have to go somewhere else tonight. Sorry to leave you with Steve.” She told them seriously.

“What?” Steve said then, puffing himself up dramatically. “I’m an awesome host. Fuck you, Robin.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Robin said with a weak wave of her hand. “I’ll see you guys later though.”

Then, just like that, it was just the three of them.

“Sorry about that.” Steve said with an awkward laugh, hoping that he didn’t seem as unnerved as he felt. When Robin came back and told him about how sexy and wholesome her date was he was going to rip her a new one for leaving him alone. “She’s always like that recently because of a class she’s in. Sometimes I think she does it to skip on cooking dinner, but usually it’s pretty serious.” He said as conversationally as physically possible.

He does not let himself think about the fact that this if the first time in years he’s been with them alone.

“I get it.” Jonathan replied then, startling Steve so bad he almost dropped the entire box of spaghetti noodles in his hand. Jonathan and Nancy walk into his too-small kitchen, looking all lovey and sweet as they crowd into one another. Steve doesn’t reflect on all the open static that’s floating around them. He thinks if he thinks about it too much he’ll get shocked within an inch of his life, too stunned to do anything but revel in it.

“She seems like a really smart person. Jonathan’s told me about some of her classes and they seem super hard.” Nancy chimed then, sounding genuinely interested. Steve could go on for about a hundred years on how stupid smart Robin is and in a fleeting thought, he wonders if Nancy can tell. Nancy always had a way of seeing things about situations that he could never see.

“Yeah, she’s always going on about her assignments like I understand what the hell she’s going on about. I mean, the woman speaks like seven languages already, what else do these college guys think they can teach her?” he said, starting a pot of water to boil. “Hope you guys like spaghetti, by the way.”

“Sounds good to me.” Jonathan said evenly. It was weird to hear his voice in his fishbowl apartment, all the way in Chicago, far from their families and Hawkins and everything. It was weirdly like home in a non-fucked up way. Jonathan just saying something to say it to him, not yelling out of fear, not through tears streaked over dirty cheeks, not in a strained sort of way like in high school.

“You need help with anything?” Nancy said then, moving a little closer to peer into the pot before him that was not quite at a boil. Steve smiled and nodded, handing her the more-expensive-than-normal marinara sauce he’d gotten yesterday and a pan.

The rest of the night went that way. Jonathan and Nancy just talking to him like it was fine and normal to do that and him just responding like that was also normal and fine. Nancy talked about her own courses at her college and her complaints about all the dumb men in her major. Steve only laughed at that, agreeing whole heartedly. Jonathan talked about his latest project and Steve managed to wrestle him into a lunch later that week where he could see the whole thing with his own eyes. They talked about Robin more, Steve going on and on about how lame her last project partners were and how she’s going for a big internship soon that she’ll absolutely get into. He doesn’t talk about his plans and they don’t ask. They lead questions to sort of ask, but he’s not really ready to think about that yet. He’s only one man, after all.

They also don’t talk about Hawkins or the kids. They don’t talk about how Steve spent two hours yesterday talking to Dustin, Lucas and Max one by one on the phone since they all missed him. They don’t talk about how Steve was here even though his entire life was back in Hawkins. They don’t talk about Indianapolis or how El and Will were doing, nor did they mention how Joyce was adapting. The deeper, scarier things were there, sitting on the table right beside them, but they didn’t pay it any attention. For some reason, Steve felt like they’d get there one day. When he wasn’t vibrating with nerves just being near them, when he couldn’t stop staring at them holding hands, when he wasn’t willing Robin to come home soon to save him from this, then they could talk about it all.

They left just before eleven at night, smiling and rosy cheeked in the brisk breeze as they waved goodbye to Steve. He watched as they clambered into Jonathan’s car and took off into the night, leaving him there with the remnants of their stale cheery atmosphere and half of the pie they didn’t finish. He closed the door and sat on the couch in silence, heart feeling too heavy to get back up. The tears that fell from his eyes didn’t make any sense, but nothing did usually. Steve wasn’t good at these sorts of feelings, not like Robin or Dustin was. He sniffed deeply and laid there, just letting the tears fall as he stared at the stupid beige wall of their TV-less living room.

-

There’s something to be said about the onslaught of life lessons Steve has received in the past few years that he really, really didn’t expect or even remotely see coming. Most obviously is of course the stupid fucking Upside-Down Russian Combo that pretty much rocked his entire world, but that was the common denominator for the other little waves of things he found to be surprisingly important to him. The kids, of course, are the world to him. One day, when he’s rich and has three bog dogs all named after his favorite basketball players, he’s going to make their lives awesome and monster free, no matter the cost. He doesn’t tell them this grand plan of course because he doesn’t want to get bullied by the little assholes, but still. He has Robin now too, who’s easily the most important person in his entire life. There’s an entire group of people who like him for him now, no matter how cheesy and stupid that sentiment feels. He’s learned that he’s actually really into taking care of people and caring about them for more important reasons than what they can offer him back. He feels like he might’ve been trying to grasp that loosely with Tommy and Carol because for all the bitching they did, he really thought they were his friends. He knows better now though, obviously. Popularity isn’t everything, or something.

There’s also something else stupid, maybe.

His parents have never really been there for him, at least physically. They’re okay, at least his mom is, sort of. His dad doesn’t respect him or hears anything he says for some fucking reason, but he stays out of the way and doesn’t give a fuck about him, so whatever anyway. They call (his mom calls) and they come home for holidays (mostly his mom again), so he can’t really say they’re fully 100% absent, but. They don’t know anything. They didn’t care that he’d been sent to the hospital all the times he’d been before, even though his dad’s assistant assured him that he was very happy he wasn’t too seriously injured and wished him a speedy recovery. It was stupid the way the kids seemed to know that Steve went home to an empty home and cooked his own meals and did everything since his parents just weren’t there. He guessed he used to be mad about it for a while, then he was just sad about it.

Robin told him he probably took out all his anger about it on the world and that’s why he was such a dickhead in high school, but Steve didn’t like that even if it was true. He used to feel like his dad’s way of thinking and doing things was the way to go since he was successful, but now that Steve’s been dragged through the mud with no help from his father or mother, he sees it as it is. His father is a fake, just an asshole with money, and if Steve kept walking that way he might’ve been the same. His dad was an angry man, and Steve wasn’t about to become that. Not anymore, not if he could help it.

Robin always told him that he’d never be like that since he’s such an empathetic guy by nature, but just thinking about the ideas and thoughts he’d had back then just piss him off. The dirty feeling of calling Jonathan a queer and throwing a punch like he had any real power, angry at everything and anything since that’s all he knew, it sucked. Steve wished he could just go back and deck that son-of-a-bitch version of himself before Jonathan ever did, just to stop the words of his old man from coming out of his own mouth. He can’t imagine what would’ve happened if Robin told him about herself to that angry version of himself, the same person who resolved issues by playing harder on the court. The person who didn’t have original thoughts and ignored the clear things before him, despite them screaming at him to open his fucking eyes.

Steve Harrington was a bisexual. He was bisexual.

Being into men was something he didn’t even think about out of fear for being caught. His father said awful things he just went with since how could someone have so much hate for something and be wrong about it? His own dad? Tommy said similar things all the time and Carol always had some horror story about a secret lesbian friend sneaking into their slumber party she invited them to, all said with so much animosity and disgust it had to add up somehow. He thought about how Tommy’s ass looked good in his new jeans as easily as he considered that Jenny’s boobs were totally in the wrong bra size on purpose or how Laurie kissed kind of bad. It wasn’t a big deal, but he wasn’t like that, which of course is stupid as fuck now that he’s being honest with himself. He just assumed it was because he’s always been into people on a physical level, and really, doesn’t everyone think Joe’s sweat looks really hot when he’s playing point-guard?

He played his own game well though, always joking around and being an ass when it mattered, and if he was staring too long he’d just go home and scream about in his too-big house since it was empty anyways. It wasn’t until Nancy came and properly rocked his entire world that he realized that maybe, just maybe, his way of dealing with things was not healthy nor actually effective. The deep cavernous hole inside of his chest was still there even now, and he knew that he’d helped dig it right alongside his dad, Tommy and every other thing he’d been dealt with since transitioning from a dumb boy into a dumb man.

Anyway.

He loved Nancy. That was a fact of life now, right alongside Robin being his best friend and the sky being blue. He loved her big, brilliant mind and her sharp eyes. He loved her soft laugh and he eye roll she did when he was being too much on purpose and also the funny snort she did when she was right and knew it. He loved the way she moved with intention or how cute she was like, all the time, always. He didn’t think he’d ever be able to scrub her soft hands from his memory, and the saddest deepest part of him always assumed he wouldn’t want to anyway.

When she ran away from him because he didn’t understand, he loved her then. When she kissed Jonathan with the same mouth that kissed him earlier that week, he loved her then too. He loved her when she drove away with Jonathan to go and rid his poor brother of the demon that was destroying all of their lives, brown hair wild and eyes sad with unsaid words. It hurt like a motherfucker, but there’s one thing he’s learned since losing everything he thought mattered: the reason was good. Jonathan was there for in ways he couldn’t possibly be, and there’s something cosmically funny about Steve not getting the girl of his dreams all because he found himself too late.

He knows better than to be angry about it. He supposed that he’s tired of being angry. He let his dream of him, Nancy and their three dogs drift away along with the dream of working alongside his father, content to watch them sink and disappear in the ocean of reality before him. Robin and the kids opened a portal in his chest that he didn’t even know could be opened, one that showed Steve (bisexual) doing things he liked with people who understood him. He could think about men’s thighs and maybe even talk about it. He could wear his hair a little longer than his dad liked without being scolded for it, he could walk around and not have to worry if it looked too gay and he could cook meals without having to think of all the dumb things his dad would say about a man and cooking. He could love Nancy and not ache over it like an old wound, not pounding like a migraine but never going away.

He could think about the stray thoughts he’d had too, the ones where he thought of Jonathan kissing Nancy and had to take a seat because of the intense flush that washed over him. Jonathan and his cutting gaze, eyebrows thick and brown eyes dark with so many thoughts it was intimidating. Jonathan and his fist wailing into him for saying those words to him, grip strong and unrelenting. It was too much to consider his smile or his laugh with Nancy’s, his hot breath fanning over her neck like he knows she likes. It was just so awful to swallow all those thoughts and just continue to live like everything was awesome and alright and not incredibly crushing at all. Even now with Robin obviously not giving a fuck and Dustin telling him all about how Will is gay and how his new school is so much better than Hawkins ever was to him, not once even flinching to address the gay part since duh, it’s no big deal. Thinking about Jonathan and Nancy just feels so lame and dirty and awful, even though he’s getting better with the idea that he’s really into men and that’s really okay. They’re all older now and everyone’s moved on. He’s moved on. He’s literally moved out of the only place he thought he’d ever live on earth to move on.

He doesn’t know how to let them go, though.

Robin came home to him just curled up in a ball and crying like a loser on their uncomfortable couch, and just wordlessly flopped on top of him. He choked out another sob and she wrapped her arms around him tighter, like she was trying to press all the tears out of him. He cried more as a result since Robin was really good at getting him to feel things. It sucked so bad, but what the hell. What the fuck.

“How was your date?” he croaked, face hot with tears and hands too shaky to remove from his upper arms. Robin snorted and adjusted herself a little, still planked on top of him gracelessly.

“She was okay, but she wasn’t really into it like I was. She was hot though. We kissed a lot and it was totally sexy.” Robin said in her soft teasing voice, testing the waters. “She’s going to become a lawyer though, so I think I dodged a bullet there.”

“Yeah, you did.” Steve replied. His parents were lawyers and they barely had space in their hearts for each other, much less their son. He ignored the tears that continued to stream out of his eyes and down his cheeks. “She’d probably be a bitch to divorce later.”

“Gay people can’t get married, dingus.” Robin sighed. Steve really, really wanted to just jump into traffic right now. There’d be no point and he’s not really in the mood to die like, actually, but he hated when he made Robin think about these dumb laws and rules the country made about people like her. People like them.

“Oh.” He muttered. “Right.”

“I take it dinner went well?” Robin said then, no longer teasing. Steve just felt empty.

“Yeah I mean, it was okay. Nancy and Jonathan immediately starting beating me up and threw my artisan spaghetti out the window and then lit the apartment on fire, so you know, overall, pretty good.” He said lamely, knowing that no amount of dry sarcasm was going to placate Robin on this. Steve crying on the couch in the dark was not a regular occurrence, no matter often Steve considered it. “It was good, Robin, seriously. We just talked and stuff.”

“And you’re sobbing on the couch because it was so good?” she replied evenly. Steve snorted, wishing that he didn’t feel so gross so he could really laugh.

“Yeah.” He managed, rolling open enough for Robin to properly lay on top of him. She pressed her head against his chest and clung to him tightly, messy blond hair getting in his face and boney knees poking his thighs. They laid there in silence for a little longer, just listening to the occasional ambulance or the building’s weird creaking noises. It was nice, really. Robin was, for all her intensity and wild behavior, someone who was really good at taking care of dumbasses, namely Steve Harrington, the king of dumbasses.

“I uhm, I have something lame to tell you.” He said then, breaking the silence. Robin only hummed, raising a hand to wave him on. “You know how, like, I kind of still love Nancy?”

Robin raised her head and blinked down at him, looking almost impressed. “I didn’t think you knew that, but yeah, I know.” She said. Steve frowned at her but forged on. He’ll worry about the fact that he was obvious enough for Robin to notice later.

“Well, yeah okay. I think. Well, I think I’m into men too.” He said lamely, feeling suddenly rushed and too big for his skin. “I mean, I’ve known that forever, and it really sucks but it’s like… Jonathan, you know?”

“I know Jonathan.” Robin replied, hushed.

He took a shaky breath, knowing his voice was all water clogged and gross with emotion he didn’t want to deal with. “He’s just so fucking… handsome and he doesn’t even know it. Then there’s Nancy and she’s like beautiful and smart and whatever and they just come over like I’m not in love with her and just, ugh, I don’t fucking know. They’re there and they don’t know how bad I want them.” He breathed; eyes wet once again.

“Steve.” Robin whispered, but Steve can’t stop now.

“They’re doing it, living here and being themselves and in love and I’m just watching, again. I have like, an entire new life and you and I’m not under my dad’s fucking thumb anymore but it’s just- you know. I can’t breathe with them so close and so fucking far away again.” He stuttered, breath coming out short. “It sucks so bad, Robin, like actually super fucking bad. I want to be their friend because fuck, we’re not even friends and I want to be there for them and just whatever, man. I want to make them happy but how can I do that when I want them too?”

“Steve.” Robin said sharply, pressing down onto him and grounding him. “Steve, listen, okay?”

He nodded and she pulled up and away from him, beckoning him to sit up with her. He feels like he’s disassembled and a complete fucking mess more than ever before, but Robin’s hand on his leg is keeping him together somehow. Her voice and her pinched eyebrows that normally mean trouble and those freckles she seems to hate for some reason. She crowded close to him but still faced him, serious and so sad looking it hurt.

“You’re not like, lame for wanting them, okay? Wanting Jonathan and Nancy and loving them is okay. You’re not fucked up or anything for that, yeah?” she said sternly, gripping him hard. He nodded, wishing that the coldest depths of himself agreed with her. He knows that she’s right and he agrees, but the cavernous hole is loud all on its own. “I don’t know why you’d want them, because your taste is kind of bad, but they’re yours. You can’t pick and choose who you love, no matter how stupid that sounds out loud.”

“I know, Rob- “

“No, listen to me Steve,” She commanded, more serious than he’d ever seen her, “Don’t torture yourself with that whole thing like I know you will. You can be upset that they’re like a couple, but liking them both isn’t like, the flaw at hand, yeah? Your dad or mom or like all of Hawkins isn’t going to break down the door to tell you you’re crazy for loving someone you deeply care about, okay?”

Steve choked out an empty laugh. “I guess so.”

“I wish you’d told me earlier though. If I knew I wouldn’t have left you here alone with them.” She chided herself, looking almost crestfallen. Steve, officially all cried out, was not about to let that happen to the best person in his life.

“But what about your hot lawyer make out session? If I knew I disrupted that, I’d never be the same, Robin.” Steve said softly, leaning over into her. “Thanks though, Rob. I think I just needed to get that off my chest. They’re really… something else.”

Robin’s expression softened. “Right, okay. I can officially make fun of you now though, so I hope you planned for that. I can’t believe you critiqued my crush on Tammy when you harbored a thing for Jonathan Byers this whole time.”

Steve felt himself smile despite himself, despite the emptiness in his chest. “What are you talking about? Jonathan’s got this whole, like, smolder thing going on. It’s totally sexy.” He can’t believe he’s allowed to talk about this.

Robin snorted and batted his arm, resolving to pull him up and sway from the saggy couch of tears. “Ok, whatever you say. We can discuss how wrong you are for choosing Byers out of all men in the world tomorrow, after a nice night’s sleep.”

-

Jonathan sometimes tells her, when he’s being bitter and honest like the moody teen he still is sometimes, that her stubborn desire to be right can cloud her sight from things that are right in front of her. Nancy almost lost Jonathan once upon a time because of it, and while she was right, she also knows that Jonathan suffered because she refused to hear him out. He’s got his own laundry list of things he really, really needs to address (like the walls he throws up unexpectedly or how he thinks he’s the only one who experiences bad things sometimes), but they work around it. When Barb went missing and the whole world acted like nothing happened, she abandoned everything that made sense and walked down the path of Jonathan Byers and the Upside Down to find out for herself. That memory to her will always, always be justified, but now that she’s older she can see the things that she completely and totally ignored back then with clear hindsight.

Things are better for the most part when it comes to the things she neglected. Barb isn’t there anymore and she still aches over it every day, but at least the peace of knowing means that the wound can heal properly now. She and Jonathan learned to talk to each other better, seeing clearer the flaws they both carried like shields and how to set them aside to truly get closer. She and Mike reconnected and call at least once a week now, even if it’s to complain about Will being weird again or to bicker over what channel makes their dad fall asleep the fastest. Her mom and her also talk too, and things are much better now that she feels like her mom sort of gets her and reason she fights so hard all the time to be right. Leaving Hawkins felt raw and tough, but she was ready. The world was big, and Hawkins had long been too suffocating and small for her and Jonathan.

There was still one person who she really, really let down though, worse than anyone else except maybe Barb of course. Steve Harrington had been someone she didn’t think could ever possibly understand her situation, and while he was an asshole and too self-absorbed sometimes, she knew deep down that he deserved better than her. She came with a missing friend and fucked up relationship with her entire life plus a fractured sense of her place in the world. He was a picture-perfect family waiting to happen, and the best thing she could do for him was to leave. She knew she hurt him, and she knew that those stupid puppy eyes of his weren’t supposed to be as upset as they were, but they weren’t a match made in heaven or anything. He was just Steve Harrington and she was someone with a different future entirely.

Of course, she had to be wrong about that one thing. Steve wasn’t the faded memory she’d hoped he’d become, nor did he just fuck off and leave them all to deal with their inter-dimensional monster issue alone. He’d gotten involved not only with them but also the kids too, always showing up with them and looking properly pissed off, beaten up and protective like she’d never seen him before. He understood that he wasn’t what she needed in a way that hurt for her to think about, and as he turned away from her and towards the others in her life facing the same shit she was, it made it real to her how badly she’d fucked this up. She loved Jonathan now, more than she could describe. He understood her and she understood him, but none of that made her isolation from Steve any better. She wondered if he resented her for it, for leaving him alone to deal with the kids and their troubles with the Upside-Down while she and Jonathan ran off to take care of other things.

Watching Steve run the car into Billy’s to save them all and then scrambling out with Robin on his heels, face purple with bruises and wild in an uncharacteristic way only served to remind her the kind of intense care that Steve had for the people in his life. That night had so many other things happen that she could barely remember now, but that moment stuck out like a beacon to her. She’d known, deep inside, that if she’d let Steve in like she did with Jonathan, it wouldn’t be the same. This Steve was the result of everything else, and if she’d confided in him instead back then, Barb might still be a mystery. She refused to regret it, especially when Jonathan was the best thing she could’ve asked for out of the horrible situation that was Hawkins.

That doesn’t mean she doesn’t regret the way she never tried to be close with him after everything.

Mike tells her sometimes that the others in the Party always bitch that Steve decided to move away with Robin, complaining like he also didn’t miss him either. There is a question there that she doesn’t know how to deal with, not really. Her moving away was always going to happen, and Jonathan had been itching to leave since before Will went into middle school. Steve though… he’d always talked about just settling down and taking the easy route, giving into the life expectation he’d been given like it was no big deal. Hawkins was not home, not really, but for Steve she’d always wondered if he’d ever dare to make somewhere else home. She figured that all of the fucked-up shit that Hawkins threw at them probably changed his opinion, but for some reason, it was just really, really hard to imagine.

There was also the mystery of Robin Buckley. She’d suddenly appeared out of nowhere, teasing and mean with Steve like it was nothing, close with Steve in ways that Nancy wasn’t sure a person could be. Tommy and Carol never made him laugh like she did, nor did they finish his sentences wrong to piss him off or refer to him as Stevie out of weird teasing affection rather than as a scathing insult. She was, according to Jonathan, a band-geek who knew a lot of languages, always in the background like he was and always getting better grades than everyone without having to sweat. She’d picked up that they worked together and maybe had a fling, but the way Dustin described it to Mike (who complained about to her), Robin would never stoop to Steve’s level. Whatever that meant.

Finding out that not only did Steve live close by but also with Robin was shocking enough, but to be invited by Robin for a dinner party with them was a whole other experience. Jonathan was interested in it of course, especially since according to him, “Robin wasn’t half bad.” Nancy knew that really meant that he liked her a lot, considering a person passing the Jonathan Verification Test was practically impossible. She wasn’t really even sure if Steve had passed his test yet, but whatever. Jonathan was always a little weird about these things. They’d both been really flustered in the hour before they had to come over, and out of stress and combined awkward energy over seeing Steve Harrington and his best friend, they arrived way too early to seem cool. Lucky for them, Steve didn’t seem to mind at all.

In fact, the sight of a sweater-clad, surprisingly shaggy haired Steve standing there with clear nerves somehow set her at ease, and from Jonathan’s relaxed spine, he seemed to feel similar. Robin was dressed nice and running around, smiling at them and welcoming them in. Nancy shoved the cherry pie she’d gotten them last minute toward Steve and he beamed, laughing about not even thinking about desert and being all endearing like she’d known him best to be. Robin then pulled him aside, whisper-hissed something about a date she was going on and Steve nodded seriously, making Nancy feel at least ten emotions at once. Robin gave a weak excuse then and breezed out, dress and converse combo looking suddenly more like a date outfit than the dinner party outfit Nancy had mistaken it for.

The rest of the night was nice. Steve was himself of course, funny and personable even when he was being guarded and stiff. They ate his really good spaghetti in a haze of catching up and her telling spiteful stories about the awful project she’d been placed in with the awful men who didn’t seem to understand women were humans too. He snorted and agreed easily, making her feel strange all of the sudden. He roped Jonathan into talking about his own current project and demanded not so lightly that they meet up so he could see his work in person. It was sweet and kind, and worse, it was so Steve. Seeing him behave like he would without Tommy and Carol or his dad or all of Hawkins breathing down his back was so strange but so normal all at once it made her ache. Seeing him talk about Robin so animatedly, face scrunched up in the ways it always had but now with scars and a slightly droopy lid on one eye thanks to the same Hawkins they all dealt with. Watching him do dishes and hold court with Jonathan’s stunted talk was fascinating, especially since Jonathan just kept talking with him. Waving goodbye to him after the night and watching his signature smile actually reach his eyes stuck her to her core, and as she curled up with Jonathan that night, she knew he could feel it too.

-

“Dude, this is really your work?” Steve asked, seeming genuinely impressed with the stock of photos laid before him. He was careful and shuffled them around with a delicate touch, leaned over to look even closer than what might be necessary. “It’s fucking amazing.”

Jonathan was still not sure what was happening here or what cosmic events led him and Steve to be in a café together in Chicago looking over his latest photography project for class, but here they were, nonetheless. When Steve asked to see his stuff in person, he wasn’t sure if he was being serious. Nancy pushed him out the door that morning and refused to let him back in, calling out the window that if he stalled any longer he’d miss the bus and leave Steve hanging. He’d thought it was bullshit and that Steve would surely forget, but low and behold the moment he walked in, Steve rushed right up to him and demanded his order from him since he’d been apparently “waiting forever.” Hence, the platter of biscuits and gravy in front of him.

“It’s not that good. It’s only an environment study this time.” He said petulantly, not really sure why his entire chest was burning. Steve only huffed.

“Right, okay. Robin’s right, artists are all the same. This shit is beautiful, Byers.” He said easily, tone leaving no room for argument. “You seriously have a lot of talent.”

“Know a lot of professional photographers, do you?” Jonathan quipped back, and for a fraction of a moment he wondered if he’d crossed a line. Though, one glance to Steve’s quirked expression soothed his worry.

“Ha-ha, okay, so I’m not some beret-wearing art critic, you got me.” Steve said, smile wry. “I am the general public though, and as the spokesperson for all non-artistic people, I say this is fucking amazing.”

Jonathan thinks he gets it now, sort of. Nancy’s attraction to Steve. Robin giving him the time of day. The kids being so enamored with him it hurt. He thinks he understands it now. Steve’s got a weird way of making the person he’s looking at feel like the entire world, even when he’s being a dick. He’s too sincere on accident and he cares too much for his own skin to contain, his love for others radiating out from him like some sort of homing beacon. He’s deals with himself like he’s an outlier in his own life, and the way he regards others, it’s as if he doesn’t mind being on the sidelines. Steve has managed to not mention a job, his family, his goals or even his fucking day even once during their conversation, choosing instead to bounce between Jonathan’s life, Nancy’s life and the stupid thing Robin woke him up this morning to tell him.

“What’s going on with you, man?” he blurted, a little too close to the end of Steve’s story to pretend like he’d been listening well. “I mean like, what’s up with you lately?”

“What?” Steve said then, blinking. He looked a little uncomfortable, ears suddenly pink and eyes shifted away. “Oh, right, yeah. I don’t know yet. Rob says I should get into college, but I don’t really… my old man me and are kind of on bad terms right now.”

Oh. “Oh.” He intoned, realizing now that maybe his aversion was for something he’d never really considered. “Well, I mean, you probably qualify for lots of scholarships and aid.”

Steve gave a half smile as a response. “Yeah, that’s what Robin said. I don’t think I’m smart enough for college though, you know. I’m not like you guys, not really,” he sighed, playing with a stray hash brown on his plate with his fork mindlessly, “I’m kind of hoping to find a job or something, but we’ll see. Old man says I’ve got ‘til the end of my lease to decide, so I guess that’s something, huh?”

“Well, what are you into?” Jonathan said then, not liking the gloomy atmosphere Steve was suddenly projecting. It was interesting the way that he wilted under his own introspection, so unlike how he approached others and their lives. He wondered if he’d ever had anyone really believe in him before.

“I like sports. I’m fucking awful at math and reading, and history…. and science… and languages.” He said slowly, breathing out a low laugh, “I’m also fucking bad at art.”

“There’s more than just high school subjects through. You could be a coach or something. You’re great with kids. Nancy told me you’re actually a half-decent study partner. You clearly know how to swing a bat.” He said all at once, not really sure what he was doing. Whatever to make Steve feel like he wasn’t freefalling, he guessed. He’d never really considered what someone like Steve was even going to do once he got older. Steve smiled at him then, resolving to slump back into his chair with weird sort of expression on his face.

“Yeah, you’re right Byers. Just got to keep thinking, I guess. No way in hell I’m going back to Hawkins with my tail tucked.” He said then, a touch of that Nancy-esque drive coloring his voice. Jonathan smiled to himself and looked out the window, ignoring the burning in his chest as it spread even deeper.

-

There’s no emergency or anything, but Jonathan still calls Steve to doubt check that he’s okay with housing the kids while they visit for a few days. He’d said he was more than okay with it several times, but it took actually seeing the kids fully dogpile him in the parking lot of his apartment building for it to be clear just how clingy these guys were toward him. Dustin was saying words at a million miles an hour and Lucas and Max were bickering over what Steve needed to hear about them first, batting at one another like kittens. Mike was brooding like always since El was wrapped up in talking with Robin- they’d bonded just as quick as she and Max had - but it was nice. They all fussed about how Steve was looking more and more like a caveman with his longer hair and he insisted that dickheads like them couldn’t possibly understand cool things like he did. It was really nice.

Steve herded them into their apartment and shooed them all away from the kitchen so he could start dinner, refuting any and every comment they made about wanting to order out. “No way, assholes. Not unless you plan on paying.” He snapped, pointing at Dustin specifically. Will snorted a laugh and elbowed him, but Lucas gave a knowing smirk and slapped a coin purse onto the table with the upmost confidence.

“We’re ordering pizza, Steve. I got it.” He said, cocky. Max rolled her eyes but opened his coin bag, counting out loud how many quarters he’d accumulated. He only had five dollars, but Steve could recognize a treat when it was deserved. It was unspoken, but he really did think he’d do anything for these guys if they really asked for it.

“Whatever, okay, just put it away. I’m not making you pay them in quarters, what the hell? I’ll just order it, got it?” he said, feinting as much annoyance as he could though he knew it was easily seen through. Dustin and Will high fived Lucas not so secretly and rushed out to collect everyone’s orders without even pausing to ask Steve. It was annoying how well these assholes could play him.

Robin, who’d finally gotten away from El and her incredible interest in her language abilities, came and rested her head on his shoulder. “They really have you wrapped around their little children fingers.” She said with amusement, poking his side lightly before moving to the table. Before she could sit down though, Dustin ran up and dragged her to the living room, demanding she come give her two cents about what movie they should watch since she actually had good taste. He smiled to himself, knowing that for as much as he’d do anything for them, Robin was just as bad.

They’d both gone shopping for a TV (finally) the same week that Jonathan called him to let him know that the kids were coming up to visit. According to him- Joyce, Will and El wanted to come visit and that of course led to Mike hearing about it, and then of course Dustin heard and demanded to come along because Steve and Robin were right there, meaning that Lucas and Max had to come as well… Steve just laughed at the memory. Jonathan had sounded so endeared when he told him, asking quietly if he didn’t mind the kids staying with them for a few days. He didn’t mind, and in fact he was really starting to miss them in a weirdly paternal way, but that didn’t make his and Robin’s apartment any less barren. They’d made a list of everything they’d probably need with weary faces, realizing with a dose of blunt reality that they weren’t ready to house a bunch of teens.

So, they got a nice used TV, a futon (that Steve would totally be using after the dickheads left), and a ton of kitchen ware from a conveniently timed estate sale a few streets over. They also got some blankets and pillows from second hand, and upon Robin’s insistence, a lone succulent plant that neither of them would kill if all went as planned. It sucked bad for Steve’s already beaten and bruised bank account, but he knew that some of these items were things they should’ve gotten ages ago. The kids didn’t give a fuck that the hand towels were all Christmas themed and ate their pizzas on napkins instead of plates like total champs. Still, Steve knew it was time to hunker down and get a job so that, at very least, the next time the kids came over, they’d have enough plates and silverware to keep everyone happy.

Three days passed, all filled with bickering, a fuck ton of movie watching, and some menial sightseeing around all the free to enter sights that Chicago had to offer. The kids were a blast even though they were giving Steve grey hairs in his twenties, and when he came to drop them back off at Jonathan and Nancy’s place, he felt the deep sadness he always felt when he left someone behind. The kids all squawked at his tight hugs he gave each and every one of them, but he’d rather have them bitch and complain about it than him regret not doing it. Jonathan and Nancy looked sweet too, like they always did, and Joyce Byers came out to thank him and give him a hug too. Things were just so weird now, he thought to himself. The air around them all was electric, bright and busting and so familial that Steve wanted to just stand there all day. The kids- teens or not- made him feel like he really had a reason to be there, and Joyce, Nancy and Jonathan just welcomed him right in like it was alright. Like he wasn’t the outsider, like he wasn’t some weird extra in their cast of found family that actually made sense.

The sun set bright and orange behind him as he drove home, windows rolled down despite the cool air. His hair whipped around, and he breathed out, the heavy feeling almost nice deep in his chest, feeling a little like the weighted blanket that Robin used sometimes on hard nights. He took the extra-long way home just to ride the feeling all the way through, and by the time he came home he was thoroughly pink-cheeked and wild haired. Robin- who’d had to miss the goodbye party because of class- laughed at him and they hugged for a long time, letting whatever weird feelings they both were going through just sit with them in their embrace. He’d miss the kids, but those three days were enough to remind Steve of how absolutely nuts they all were. The voice in his head reasoned that they were still going to be in Chicago for another three days because El wanted to see her sister or something, but he knew the kids better than that. They’d run off and do something crazy, annoying and way too adult somehow and either Steve and Robin would come crashing in to help or they’d come home with a new story and a lot of “good excuses” for why they did what they did. He figured that not seeing them until their next visit would be alright with him, and really, they were with Jonathan and Nancy now. For all those lovebirds missed, they were pretty smart when they were paying attention.

He made Robin dinner (really, when he was rich and had his dogs, he was also going to hire a chef and never cook again), and then curled up with some nerdy movie Robin insisted he needed to watch before they all inevitably died. It was a nice way to end the week: just him, his best friend, the ravioli he made, and some weird ass sci-fi on the tv he’d bought with the remnants of his Scoops money. He’d worry about everything later.

-

The end of semester was, as predicted, hectic, awful and handcrafted by Satan himself. She could tell it was killing Jonathan too considering he was sagged over his textbook instead of eating the lunch they’d both decided to split on. Robin was doing well in all of her classes, but the pressure of the big 45%-of-her-grade test was still enough to make her sweat. She’d spent three hours the night prior on the floor of their newly rugged living room with Steve just going through flashcard after flashcard, and if Steve wasn’t at the community center tonight, she’d wrangle him into it again. Jonathan was flipping through his glossy textbook in pursuit of something, lip bit between his teeth in a way that she now knows (thanks to Steve’s poetic waxing) is an indicator of frustration for him.

“Hey.” She said then, taking her first bite of her half of the sub. “Eat something. The book isn’t going to walk off any time soon.”

It was a tad too motherly for her and she knew it, but fucking Steve was seriously rubbing off on her like a bad rash. Jonathan looked up and soothed his studious expression, breathing out what might be considered a laugh before he shut the book resolutely. “You’re right. Sorry. There’s just a lot to study and so little time left.”

“Tell me about it. My professors are up my ass right now, but at least the semester is nearly done.” She said after chewing on another bite. Jonathan took a bite of his own half and chewed like a cow, jaw working way harder than it needed to. She liked him enough now that she’d gotten used to his weird edginess, but there were some things that were just too good not to tease Steve with. “What are you doing for break?”

“I’m heading back to Indianapolis for a little bit, and then doing the whole trip to Hawkins deal that we do now, I guess. Nancy’s heading straight there though since Mike and Holly, quote, really miss her. Her mom told her that. I think she’s still stunned.” Jonathan said with a snort. “What about you?”

“Same as Nancy, sounds like. If Steve gets the time off approved, we’ll head out within 24 hours of my last final so my Mom can stop calling and pestering me to come down finally.” She said easily. “You think calling damn near every day would placate the woman but she’s a beast.”

Jonathan blinked. “Steve’s got a job?”

Robin was not going to ask about why that was the only thing he seemed to latch onto. “I mean, yeah. He’s working at this community center like, teaching kids basketball or something. I don’t know, he fucking loves it of course.” She explained, taking another bite. “Can’t believe he didn’t tell you guys yet.”

Jonathan looked suddenly gloomy and Robin had to hold in her untimely laugh. Oh, if Steve could see this now. No, if Steve were here, Robin definitely would have bust out laughing and that wouldn’t be very good at all. “Hey, it’s only been two weeks. There’s like seven billion reasons I could come up with that would explain why Steve hasn’t mentioned it yet, and they’re all super dumb, which means they’re all likely.” She said, wrangling her mouth into any shape that wasn’t a wry smile.

“Huh, yeah.” Jonathan said then, not totally believing her. Robin rolled her eyes and finished her sandwich off, reveling in how great it would be tonight when she told Steve that Jonathan was distraught and heartbroken over not knowing that he’d landed a steady gig. She can already picture Steve’s face now. “Robin, I have something weird to ask you.”

“Fire away, Byers.” She said easily, openly curious. Jonathan, for all his supposed emotional awareness that Steve had claimed he had, was pretty bad at talking about things as a general rule.

“Are you and Steve like… dating?” he asked, and Robin choked on air.

“Are- Me and Steve? Us? Oh, oh, Jonathan. Jonathan.” She hacked, not ready for that to come out of his mouth. “No. The simplest and least painful thing I can say is no.”

He looked- for lack of a better word- relieved. He gave her an awkward smile, so stuttered and random that Robin could only scramble and wondered how the fuck he’d reached such a conclusion. “I’m just… You guys are so close, so me and Nancy have been wondering for a long time now, I guess. Steve always says how much he loves you so I just, I don’t know, assumed.”

“Jonathan.” Robin said resolutely. “Steve’s not my type. He’ll never be my type, like, ever. He loves me like his best friend.”

“Does Steve know that?” Jonathan asked and Robin felt like maybe this was some joke happening to her right now. She looked around for a fraction of a second to see if Steve was walking up on her with a shit eating grin but found it to still be the same near-empty restaurant it had been the whole time.

“Yes, he does. You should talk to him about that, you know. He’ll tell you the same thing.” Robin said softly. “He tells me things because we’re best friends and also roommates, Jonathan. He really… cares about you and Nancy, you know. For as genetically close to a Neanderthal as he is, he really does know who he cares about. If he’s not telling you something, it’s because he’s being stupid and also because he’s got the weirdest way of caring for people.”

Jonathan nodded, and while he seemed to remain the same stoic wide-eyed guy she’d known him to be, she saw his tell-tale pink ears and neck like hazards on a car. This is the weirdest thing she could have ever guessed would happen to her; discussing Steve Harrington to Jonathan Byers in such a way that Byers wouldn’t feel like he and Steve weren’t as close like he’d thought. She knew what she and Steve looked like to outsiders of course, and she wasn’t going to lie that it made for a good cover story in certain situations, but to Jonathan and Nancy? She would’ve thought they’d see right through them immediately, especially since one of them has already dated Steve. Especially since Steve stares at them like they hung the stars and moon.

She had a lot to tease Steve about tonight, that’s for sure.

-

It’s one of those nights.

Nancy doesn’t know what she’s doing anymore. In the bedroom is Jonathan Byers, the sweetest boy she knew, curled up, soft and warm, waiting for her to come back from the bathroom. A few miles away was Steve Harrington, her ex, presumably deep asleep on his lumpy futon-pallet-bed-thing, spread eagle and so, so kissable it hurt. She pressed her hands against her cheeks, feeling, not for the first time that month, like she was on the brink of a seriously bad decision.

Steve isn’t even aware of this, and that’s what sucked the most. The weeks they’d spent together, all the surprise visits and dinner parties and even the fucking sleepovers… it was all getting to her. She’d known Steve at his most bare, she’d known him covered in his own blood and bruised, and now she knew what he looked like drunk in Jonathan’s lap, shaggy hair splayed everywhere as he giggled at some dumb joke Robin made. There was a time where she kept herself awake at night wishing she’d spent the time to get to know Steve for who he really was, but it was only now, in hindsight, she saw the risk. Knowing Steve meant seeing all the sunny parts of his personality align and shine bright, showing her firsthand what was right in front of her all that time. He just came into their house now and made dinner and sang to Bowie songs that Jonathan had forced him to hear all out of tune and sweet. It made Nancy ache.

Jonathan was at least being affected too, which made Nancy feel a little less unhinged. It probably wasn’t the pandora’s box of sealed attraction that Nancy was dealing with being broken open, but the face he made when Steve was the very first guest at his photography final show was unmistakable. The soft gaze, the loose shoulders, the easy hug- Nancy wasn’t stupid. Steve Harrington was chronically easy to love, and while she took this fact for granted once upon a time, she knew all too well how quickly one could give into it.

Nancy could admit, grudgingly, that she probably liked Steve. Still. Again. Whatever. She loved Jonathan without flinching, and the thought of him ever leaving made her feel sick with nausea.

However. However.

When she was with Steve, all those years ago, she knew exactly what game she was playing even though the consequences were worse than she could have ever imagined. He was the thrill she wanted, and then after everything became fucked up, he was her only slice of normalcy. She remembered how she knew Steve wasn’t a bad guy, not really, but didn’t have the words describe how. She saw the slivers of his dorkiness, his sense of humor, his huge heart through all the posturing he did and even worse, she knew that if she pretended hard enough, she could learn to love him one day. If there wasn’t more to him than that, she’d be alright. It would be enough. Steve was easy, after all. He was simple.

Now, after everything, the false Steve she’d once known had cracked completely in two, leaving behind someone else there in his place. This Steve was dorky against his will, funny for himself and no one else, and cared so recklessly it hurt to watch. Nancy knew that they weren’t really different people since, well, the person that Nancy had been fighting to see and to fall in love with was there the whole time. It was blinding to see him now, completely blossomed and recklessly himself, wholly the person that Nancy ached to love right there before her, real in all the ways she never thought he’d be. It was weird to have that Steve here with her now in the future, cracking jokes with her boyfriend in their kitchen over the food he’d made them, the food he knew was their favorite.

How could she not love him?

She crawled back in bed with Jonathan and pressed against his back, arms wrapped around his waist tightly. It felt dirty, coming in here and holding the best person in her life after having a mini melt down over potentially being in love with her ex. The ex that was in their lives now, the ex that was their joint best friend, the same fucking ex that was coming over tomorrow night to make a pie from scratch. Jonathan snored though, pulling her back from the edge and right back in bed where she should have been the whole time.

-

“I’m being sexiled.” Steve said as way of greeting, standing in their front door like a vision. “For an entire weekend. You guys mind if I crash here?”

He didn’t want to be here, not really. He’s acutely aware that he might be indulging his heart a little too much lately with all the time he’d been hanging out with Jon and Nance, but whatever. Robin was the demon who chose to alert him about her weekend of epic sex-having about twelve hours before her girl was supposed to show up, leaving Steve to not only have to clean the living room but to also have to do the quick math between a weekend motel and just staying over at Jonathan and Nancy’s. The answer was clear.

“Oh, really? Does Robin have a boyfriend or something?” Nancy asked slowly, apparently the only person home. “You can stay over, of course.”

“Oh, no, Robin- ah, it’s complicated.” He said instead of trying to explain anything. He respected Robin’s privacy so there’s no way in hell he’d ever spill her deal, but Nancy was usually one who needed all the complex details before she was fine with letting it sit. Luckily Nancy nodded instead of pressing and ushered him in, already moving to pull out their couch.

“Oh, I can do that later Nance, it’s okay.” He said breezily, setting his bag beside the couch. At the same time, he moved to stop her, she whipped up, freckled face suddenly inches from his own. He blinked down at her, not quite able to stop himself from studying her brown eyes like he used to, back when he’d thought stupidly that he’d have more time to really stare at them. He smiled and took a step back though, heart beating against his chest like a drum. This was a bad idea. He owed Robin her sex weekend of fun, but this was seriously, actually, going to kill him.

Jonathan chose then to walk in, longish hair wind mused and wild. He fumbled with his side bag for a moment before looking up and taking in the sight of Nancy and Steve, eyes like deer caught in the headlights. For a moment, Steve felt the atmosphere settle in like a tangible fog, then-

“Robin sexiled him, Jonathan.” Nancy said, mouth curling into a smile as she stepped forward, hands rested on her hips. “We’re the only safe haven he has now.”

The weird moment passed as Jonathan gave a small smile, eyes dark with understanding. “Right. Welcome home then.”

Steve was going to die.

Jonathan made dinner that night despite Steve’s arguments, and as they all shoveled his mac and cheese into their mouths, Nancy chatted about her new classes. Jonathan pitched in surprisingly often about his next project which, gross, was a partner project, and Steve couldn’t hold in the laugh that inspired. The atmosphere was awesome. He even got to tell them about the kids he was working with at the community center, opening up about they kind of sucked but at least everyone was a team player. It was a pet peeve of his when people played sports to be the star player rather than a good teammate, even if his track record boasted a different view. He might be dumb as nuts and bolts, but at least he valued good sportsmanship. Nancy even elected to do dishes which she usually never did, eyes brighter than he’d seen in years as they talked over the loud dish clacking and running water.

He couldn’t describe it, but something seemed weird about them lately. They were still his Nance and Jonathan, but the way they regarded him so readily was on the abnormal side. He liked it, believe him, he did, but it also felt unreal. Having Nancy lean against him as he decided which juice he wanted? Awesome. Having Jonathan move in close to ask what movie he wanted to watch? Better than he could have imagined. Waking up after the movie credits to both Nance and Jonathan pressed against him, dead asleep? Unreal, completely and totally. He liked the touchiness and the extra gravitation toward him, and the extra attention was always a plus, but he wasn’t stupid. This was weird and he wasn’t sure what to do about it.

“What the fuck do you want?” Robin croaked. It was two am and Steve shouldn’t be calling her, not while Jonathan and Nancy were asleep in the other room, and especially not about this, but whatever.

“They’re being weird.” He said shortly, willing with his entire soul that Robin would just get it. She snorted on the other side of the line.

“They’re always weird. You’re all fucking weird, anyone on the street could’ve told you that. That’s hardly a good reason to call me while sexiled at fucking two in the morning.” She said, cutting short to yawn. Steve felt a little bad, but his hammering heart was more persistent.

“Robin, seriously.” He said, feeling uneven. “They fell asleep on my shoulders.”

“Steve, you used to boast the highest body count in Hawkins High. You’re calling your lesbian best friend at ass in the morning about them touching your shoulders.” She mumbled. Steve really had to remember how short Robin could be when dead tired. “Just tell them you’re bi or something. Test the waters. You know the signs better than all of us, Steve.”

“You know it’s different.” He managed, feeling a cocktail of hope and dread wash through his veins. “You know it’s not that easy. Not for us.”

“It could be.” She said, voice soft with sleepiness. “You’ve always been the drama queen in this relationship.”

Steve blinked. He knew that it couldn’t possibly be easy, not in the slightest, not if he knew anything about relationships. If he knew anything about them. The line went dead as Robin hung up on him, probably interpreting his silence as him drifting off. He didn’t mind; he knew that come Monday, Robin would corral him into telling her every single detail so she could both make fun of him and then wrap him in a blanket. He can’t blame her for wanting off the burning, rapidly sinking ship that was Steve and his love life. He wanted off too.

The next morning, Nancy and Jonathan complained over Steve’s less than stellar (blame his shaky hands, okay?) pancakes about the cricks in their necks, but Steve could hardly hear it. It couldn’t be that easy, could it? They were right there, all soft and mused with sleep, talking idly about their plans for the day and the movie they all apparently slept through like the old people they were becoming. Th electricity from their first dinner party was there again but it was worse somehow, more tangible and violent, sharp and addicting all at once. He closed his eyes to keep from leaning in too close, to keep from falling right over the edge and right into the thick of the storm-

“Steve?” Nancy asked, eyebrows furrowed with light concern. “You okay over there?”

“I’m bisexual.” He blurted, chains around his chest snapping with such ferocity he seriously thought for a moment he was going to physically break in half. The table phased into a shocked quiet and Steve turned away, not sure what the fuck was wrong with him or why the fuck he’d just fucking done that. He didn’t want to see their faces, not ever. He didn’t want to see their shock nor their pressed mouths, twisted all together to work to out the math without seeming judgmental. He was not expecting the brush of a hand on his arm, undoubtedly Jonathan’s fingers pressing against him.

“Steve,” he whispered, standing up to round the table and crouch before him. Steve wondered if this is what he’d done for Will when he’d come out to him. “Me too.”

“What?” he said, startling himself with the volume. Jonathan was there now, expression one thousand times softer than he’d been picturing, soft enough to make his eyes water.

“I’m bisexual too.” He reiterated; eyebrows tilted in just enough concern that Steve’s entire heart swelled. He could barely comprehend anything that was happening, much less that he’d just come out to them and Jon had come out right back.

“Not to take the spotlight.” Nancy’s watery voice said from behind him, arms wrapping around him in a familiar way he’d missed despite hugging her just yesterday. “But me three. I’m bi too.”

“What?” he asked, breathless. He seriously couldn’t even think. Jonathan only laughed though, and Nancy followed suit, burying her tear-streaked face against Steve in a clear fit of mutual hysteria. They were all bisexual, all this time. Jonathan’s hand on his arm didn’t lower though, and as Steve sat there in shock, the two of them continued to crack up around him over the situation that continued to feel more and more insane. The emptiness inside of him, the hole that had been dug deep and safeguarded by all his worries and expectations, seemed all the sudden more like a tiny speck rather than the cavernous thing he’d been building it up as. Maybe Robin was right. Maybe he is the drama queen in their relationship. He leaned down and pressed he head against Jonathan’s, heaving out a wet sigh and laughing a little too, mind still numb with shock.

He’s sure they talked about it a little after, when the too-powdery cold pancakes became a nuisance and when the collective surrealness of the moment faded into something more serious. He’s positive they did because Jonathan and Nancy didn’t leave him alone after that, clinging to him like Robin did, always in his space like they were given permission or something. He probably told them about how he’d known for years now and was more or less alright with it now, but he can’t be sure. He’s sure Jonathan explained that he’d known since middle school that he was into men and women, or that Nancy found out she liked women in high school between rushing around with Barb and meeting Steve. His vague awareness is thanks mostly to the veil of disbelief he experienced the rest of his sexile, so in shock and wide eyed over the events that happened that everything else became skewed as a result. He’s no scientist though. He’s only a dumbass in love.

-

Jonathan cannot believe that happened.

There’s not one, not one, universe he could have ever imagined that would place him, Nancy Wheeler and Steve Harrington in the same room, all soft and bisexual and teary eyed. Then again, he could have never conceived the events caused by the Upside-Down even in his cruelest nightmares, so really, who’s the real fool here? It felt like just yesterday that he was wondering why Nancy even liked Steve in the first place and now he was here, hugging him goodbye for longer than socially acceptable because, well, they’d become close. They’d become really close and Jonathan wasn’t sure what to do with himself. Steve was just this way, all this time, just walking around?

He knew Nancy was feeling the effects too. She’d been upfront with her bisexuality the minute she felt comfortable with it, telling him in a hushed tone one night that she liked women sometimes too. It wasn’t like he did though, and she was clear that she mostly liked men. It was nice though, knowing she understood him. Knowing she felt safe enough to disclose that part of herself with him. He didn’t know if she’d ever told Steve, but clearly he didn’t know before now. Though, Nancy didn’t know he was bi until now too, so it was fair.

Steve had a way of just rocking them to their cores without doing much other than being himself, and it was sad how they both leaned into it so willingly. He’d learned now that this Steve was nothing like the Steve that called him names in the alleyway, so desperate to bring everyone down to his level he’d say anything to get them there. That Steve was a stranger to him now, so warped and distant he could hardly believe the dorky Casanova who worked with kids for a profession now was the same guy. He’s glad, he realized. He’s happy he got to finally see Steve Harrington for who he was really, knowing more than maybe anyone else just how much he’d changed to get here. He gets it now, how easily a person can look at him and want to be close with him.

There’s more, of course, that he gets now.

In high school, Jonathan can at least say that Steve Harrington never crossed his mind as a viable guy crush to even entertain, much less think about in his strangest, most outlandish thoughts. He didn’t like much of anyone anyway, and for all the shitty things he was used to, he could see that red flag from miles away. Steve was trouble waiting to happen, and when Nancy started getting involved with him and then everything else, he kept himself in check. It was easier with Nancy around since she was so addicting all on her own, and Steve was just someone on the outside of it all. He knew this. He’d never considered him before, not like that, even though he could concede the obvious things like his handsomeness or his fancy hair. It was easy to remove all of that from his brain and focus on his life right in front of him, and like every other person like him, being bisexual was kind of an underwhelming sort of experience. He liked Nancy, maybe enough to envision his entire life with her, and being bisexual changed none of that. He knew she was the same, and it made them stronger somehow.

Steve is an outlier to all his plans though, something he could never really pin down. His sexiness is innate, but his sexiness to him was a new thing entirely. He didn’t think he’d ever see a non-polished version of Harrington and yet he knew better now, seeing him more often than not with his hair unstyled and shirts extra baggy for extra comfort. The image of him drinking a water bottle full tilt, sweat dripping and chest heaving after losing a bet with Robin (he’d had to walk to their place instead of driving) was one he didn’t think he’d ever be able to scrub from his dreams. Having a lapful of Steve damn near every time they all got drunk together and pretending not to notice or care was going to kill him, he’s sure. They’d warned him, fuck, Nancy had warned him, but he’d been stubborn about just how effective Steve could be at being too much to handle. Now that he knew Steve for the person he really was and saw him in a completely different light, he was starting to suffocate with the weight of it all. He wasn’t sure how the hell Nancy handled this.

Speaking of Nancy.

“Hey,” he started, hoping that he didn’t sound too nervous. Nancy rolled over almost instantly, face fixed and serious. It felt almost like she’d been waiting for this, even though that didn’t make any sense at all. “I need to talk to you about something.”

“Is it about Steve?” she whispered; eyebrows drawn even tighter. He shifted in their bed to hold her hand between his, willing her to understand what he was about to say. She had to understand.

“Yeah.” He breathed back, gearing himself up. “I think… I think I’m into him. Like. More than friends. Is that weird?”

Nancy blinked at him the darkness; hand suddenly limp in his. “You- You like him? “she sputtered. Jonathan felt himself go red, pulling back a little with the wave of sudden apprehension that crashed over him. This was a bad idea, he realized all too late. Nancy only scooted closer though, expression unreadable.

“Yeah I mean- I don’t know. It’s Steve, you know.” He said lamely. “I still love you, okay? I just didn’t want to keep going like that whole thing wasn’t happening and not tell you.”

“No, I mean that’s really sweet but, oh my god. Jonathan. You like him! I totally thought I saw that, but I wasn’t- wait. Jonathan.” She said hurriedly, hand gripping his now. “I wasn’t sure how to tell you this, but I think I like Steve too. Like, you know.”

The reasonable part of his brain told him that a sentence like that coming from his long-term girlfriend should make him wilt with anger and sadness, but the only thing clouding his thoughts was hope for something he didn’t understand. “You like Steve.” He confirmed, and Nancy nodded, leaning in to kiss him like they’d just discovered they’d had the same star sign or maybe even the same favorite color.

“Yes, oh my god. That’s alright, right? Are you okay with that?” she said then, realizing maybe that she was doing her rush-to-conclusions thing she did when she was onto something big. “I love you always, Jonathan, you know that. I’m just- he’s so close now and it’s impossible not to fall for him again. He’s, well.”

“I know.” He whispered, feeling lighter than he had in weeks. Years even, maybe. “I know what you mean.”

“We like Steve.” She said, all hushed and giddy. “We both like him, Jonathan, can you believe it?”

“It doesn’t make any sense, so not really, but… I get it.” He said back, just glad that Nancy was taking this so well. “I understand it now.”

“Jonathan, what are we going to do? We both like him and we both love each other. That doesn’t even make any sense.” She muttered; eyes bright but expression a little faded. He pulled her against him and presses a kiss to her head.

“We’ve never made any sense, Nance, not once. I’ve been thinking this whole time about it and it just doesn’t… have logic.” Jonathan replied loosely, ignoring her small scoff. “Seriously. I just think we won’t make sense ever, so no sense in trying. We’re destined to be freaks forever, Nance.”

There was a time that statement would’ve made her bristle and say otherwise, defenses up and ready to go before he could even explain himself. Now though, in the safety of their little apartment in Chicago, she smiled up at him all wry and beautiful like only Nancy Wheeler could.

“Yeah, I think you’ve got a point there, Byers.” She said smartly. “When have we ever played by anyone’s rules anyway?”

-

They plan to tell Steve right after finals, which seemed way too soon, but in Nancy’s best explanation, it was better to do it right before summer in case someone needed an exit route.

“It’s not in the expectation that he’ll be against it but, I mean, its Steve. If he needs the space and time to be alone, he’ll have that option I guess.” She reasoned; voice stiff. They both didn’t like to think about it going badly, but the idea of it going well was almost as absurd.

It must’ve been cosmic intervention that gave Steve a busy week at work, a god-awful finals season, and then as the cherry on top, a week of bad weather to keep them all inside and away from one another. It was driving Nancy crazy not being able to at least see Steve before The Talk. Jonathan understood her deeply. A normal person might interpret this string of gloomy events as a clear omen not to tell Steve about their combined attraction towards him, but they were not normal people. If anything, it made them both even consider just driving over to Steve’s place to get it over with, hailstorm be damned. Robin was the only vaguely Steve thing Jonathan had experienced in nearly a month, and she had suspiciously reverted to her cryptic speak about him rather than her normal over the top complaining. He suspected that something had happened for her to be so casually brief about Steve now, but that didn’t make any sense. Steve and Robin fighting was unheard of.

Finally, in a stroke of blue skies, Jonathan had time to break away from his studies to come over to their place. He wasn’t normally the one to pop in unannounced- or alone- but his heart could only withstand so much.

Robin answered the door in her typical fashion- an uninterested expression and messy blond hair- but this time she froze at the sight of him instead of her more expected door-widening-dingus-summoning schtick she did every time they came over. “Oh, uh, hey. What are you doing here?” she asked then, voice low and quick. The door was still mostly closed now, half of her body wedged between him, the door and the apartment inside.

“I’m here to uh, see you guys. It’s been ridiculously busy lately, and…” he paused. “I missed Steve.”

Robin’s eyebrows flew up at his honesty, but she didn’t move. “Right. Did Steve invite you? We aren’t- the place is a really big mess right now- “

“Robin, who’s at the door? Come back here! I’m going to kick your ass at ping pong before todays over if it kills me!” Steve called from inside. Jonathan ached internally at the sound. He didn’t realize how bad it was until now and fuck, its bad.

“Can I come in? You guys have seen our place at its dirtiest, so I don’t think I’ll care.” He said simply, wishing that whatever thing they were doing right now would end so he could see Steve. He loved their antics normally, but sometimes they both took it too far and made things messy and inconvenient. Robin opened her mouth to respond only to squeak instead as Steve opened the door wider, peering around her to see Jonathan standing there, feeling suddenly awkward. He stopped in his tracks hard enough for Robin to bump into him in her attempt to right herself, looking at him with an expression that landed somewhere between annoyed and concerned.

“Jonathan?” Steve asked coolly. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m- I missed you.” He said again, not really sure what was going on. “We both did, but Nancy’s wrapped up in a study group tonight, so I thought… I’d just swing by…”

Steve looked confused instead. “You haven’t answered any of my calls.”

“What?” Jonathan said sharply, wracking his brain. They hadn’t received any calls recently, but he guessed it wasn’t that surprising. The only people who called were Mike, his mom, Nancy’s mom sometimes and maybe Will if he was feeling lonely. They’d all lessened their calls since the last big visit, but now that he’s thinking about it, they really hadn’t gotten any calls in a weird amount of time.

“You really didn’t notice a ringing phone?” Robin interjected, blinking like she couldn’t believe him at all.

“No, I’m- Our phone didn’t ring. I wouldn’t miss your call on purpose.” He said, running a hand through his hair distractedly. That fucking sucked, no wonder Steve seemed suddenly so absent. “I guess I’ll need to take a look at it when I get home.”

Steve seemed a little stunned, but Robin waited about two seconds before bursting out with loud laughter. “I can’t believe this, dingus. All that drama… for nothing.” She huffed between laughs, pushing past him and back into their apartment. Steve looked weirdly embarrassed and taken aback, but he rolled his eyes regardless.

“Ignore her, she’s being a dickhead. Sorry, I guess I just… after our talk and everything I think I just took it too seriously.” He said and Jonathan wanted to kick himself. He and Nancy really should have given in and just drove over despite their schoolwork and every other excuse they’d had, just to cut this whole thing short. The idea of Steve sitting there with the ringer just looping over and over with no answer on their end was too much to deal with.

“No, no, we should have been paying attention. I’m sorry you thought- we’d never- I’m sorry.” He managed. “Can I come in?”

Steve startled, like he realized just then that they were still standing at his front door, and then he nodded almost violently, pulling Jonathan in by his shirt sleeve. “Geez, yeah, sorry. Come in.” he said quickly, laughing.

Robin had a great time telling him all about Steve’s dramatic self-pity fest he’d held the entire time they’d been not answering, and while Steve was chuckling along with her and complaining that she wasn’t telling it right, Jonathan couldn’t help the sinking feeling in his chest. He knew it was regret for something that wasn’t his fault and disappointment in himself, but there was something else too. He and Nancy had spent that entire time missing him and he’d spent that entire time think they didn’t want him around anymore. The differences in their experiences were stark, and it made Jonathan feel even more on the edge about their planned talk. The whiplash Steve would feel from feeling excluded entirely to being wanted on the deepest level by the same two people; all in the span of a week? He couldn’t imagine it. He knew Steve was a pretty good at taking things as they came but this was different. He also knew, somewhere deep and dark in the caverns of his mind, they’d been through hell together at the hands of Hawkins, but nothing was like this. This was… new. Unorthodox, unconventional, weird and in both meanings, queer. Steve had proven him wrong many times, but Jonathan knew better now what Nancy was so afraid of. The risk of his normalcy, the promise of his hidden outcasted heart… it was almost too much for him to handle. He wanted it so badly now that he knew it was there, but would Steve be able to handle all if it in return? All of them?

Though, Jonathan knew better than to let himself crumble in on himself and shut down. Steve was still here, cracking jokes with Robin despite the downtrodden week he’d had before, seemingly back to happy now that Jonathan was there with them. For all he knew, this really could just be how he felt. Happy again now, unbothered, excited to see what tomorrow had coming for them.

(Maybe, against all odds, he’d like them back.)

When he left to go home and make dinner (and mentally prepare himself for having to tell Nancy about what the fuck had happened), he hugged Steve for even longer than he normally did, which was not normal by any half-way decent standard. He pressed into him with all the intention he could, wishing that he could just get it. They wanted him, and it was almost awful how much they meant it. There was more that they didn’t even understand about their own desires for him, but he had to know the baseline. He had to know they cared more than anyone had any right to.

-

Finals week was finally over, and to celebrate, Steve baked a pie all by himself and sprung it on the newly deceased body of Robin Buckley as way to make her maybe come back to life. Unlike the last finals, these were her Finals with a capital F or something like that, and between the ten-page pseudo thesis on language learning in public schools she wrote, and the emotional drama Steve had unleashed in their household, she was officially dead. That’s what she’d declared the night before though, and today is a new day. Today, Steve baked her a pie in her favorite flavor and even pronounced it the way she liked. Finals were over, and nature was healing.

There was also the whole Nancy and Jonathan being free now too that made him feel excited. The pie was for Robin first and foremost, but a half-eaten handmade pie could be regifted to his favorite couple and their own finals aftermaths just as easily. They’d been clingy as hell since the whole phone debacle (which, to his own horror, was caused by an unplugged phone cord that may or may not have been his fault), and while it’s been nice, it was also the height of all Steve’s collective fears. They’ll get close enough for him to get sucked in, and then moment they realize he’s serious, they’ll tear away and take some of him with. The little Robin on his shoulder would remind him that they’d do that anyway, but there’s a point here he’s trying to make.

He’s too wrapped up in them now to stop. If he’d been stronger and smarter, maybe he would have pulled back when it counted, but that time had long come and gone.

That evening, after Robin had summoned that last of her strength and got herself dressed for the day (at least dressed enough to eat pie in the living room), Steve headed to go out with Nancy and Jonathan. They’d decided to go all out with a fancy dinner and everything, which for their collective brokenness, really just meant a normal restaurant. It was nice to see them treating themselves for once, though. The way Robin described finals for her seemed like hell and she was top of her class. He couldn’t imagine what Jonathan and Nancy had been though, and by their telling tired smiles, it must have been bad. Aside from their tired eyes, the energy was bright, both strangely attentive and excitable like Steve had never seen them. He got it- it had been way too long since they all properly went out- but this just seemed… it felt like…

“Steve, how’s your team been?” Jonathan asked, voice genuine like he always was now. Steve’s glad that they took time to really get on the same page. “Robin won’t tell me how they did against their rivals last week. Says you tell it better.”

He feels himself physically light up. “Oh yeah, they totally whooped South’s ass. They’re not all-stars yet, but they ended it 13 to nothing, no sweat. The other kids didn’t even see them coming.” He said proudly. “They’re not bad kids. Not like the Hawkins shitheads, but they’re alright.”

Jonathan smiled back though Steve knew for a fact that he had no clue about sports. Nancy leaned over and took a sip of her drink, her blazing bright eyes pinned onto him knowingly. “That sounds awesome. You must be a pretty good coach then, huh?” she said with a smirk.

“Oh, the kids do the heavy lifting. I’m just the schmuck that tells them when their form sucks which is, like, all the time.” Steve replied with a bashful snort. “Seriously though, you guys gotta come to one of their games sometime. They’re scrappy but they put up a good game now that they’ve finally learned a little more about being a team. Teamwork’s the secret ingredient, you know.”

The air seemed a little warmer then, what with Nancy’s gaze burning hot and Jonathan leaning in so close. The comment about seeing his kids’ game seemed somehow intimate in a way he didn’t mean, but by the strange tension, it wasn’t what hooked the mood. Jonathan cleared his throat and sighed in the way he did when he was about to say something, eyes already darted away in preparation. The Jonathan Byers Pep Talk, Nancy called it.

“Steve.” He said heavily. Nancy gave him a sharp glance, attempting to tell him paragraphs of thoughts in one passing look. Steve felt himself straighten almost out of habit. The moment stretched out painfully as Jonathan opened his mouth to continue, but as it became thinner and thinner with no conclusion, Nancy scoffed.

“Jesus, Jonathan. Lighten up a little.” She said, voice wavering a little. She turned to Steve and placed a petite hand on his. “Steve, we have something to tell you.”

He felt dread prick in his heart, mixed with a wave of hot confusion and a cold draft of fear from behind. The warmness of the moment had long melted into something unstable and weird, like a great unknown. By their tone he knew that his was something he wasn’t ready for, whatever it was. “Yeah?” he said with a shockingly stable voice.

“We- Well, I- uhm.” Jonathan stuttered. He furrowed his eyebrows before exhaling harshly. “Steve, I have feelings for you. Like, more than friends.”

Nancy clutched his hand lightly, almost like she was afraid he’d pull back. “We both have feelings for you. We- We weren’t sure if we should tell you, but you know how we are. There’s no sense it keeping secrets, not anymore.” She said, voice small like he hadn’t heard in so long. He couldn’t imagine what expression he must be making. He could hardly hear them over the ocean crashing around the frame of his chest.

“I know, well, we know it’s a lot to take in.” Jonathan cut in, rubbing a free hand onto Nancy’s shoulders. “We’re serious about this, about you, but… I know it’s not exactly… something you might expect. From us.”

“Steve?” Nancy whispered, pulling her hand back a little. He quickly wrapped his hand around hers, mind painfully blank as he tried to comprehend what the fuck they’d just told him.

“I- you. Wait. Okay, hold on.” He said weakly, thinking. “You like me? Both of you?”

“Yeah.” Jonathan breathed; expression unreadable. He was always so good at masking his thoughts and emotions when it counted, but now it just seemed he didn’t know what to even express. Steve couldn’t blame him. The wash of hope that nearly obliterated him when the words I like you dropped from Jonathan’s mouth against the even worse flood of doubt that followed was enough to make Steve want to tap out for a week.

“You’re being serious? Seriously serious?” he asked dumbly. Nancy’s expression almost looked horrified.

“Of course!” she said, seemingly coming back to her own senses. Nancy had always been the one with the most level reactions, at least in the face of something unknown. “Steve, we’re dead serious. I- we can explain more but for me, I think I just needed to … to meet you again. To meet the Steve that I knew was always there when things weren’t so… what they were. Back then.”

“I’m glad I finally met the Steve that was always there.” Jonathan added, nodding along. “I- Steve, you make me feel things I didn’t know I could feel for someone. I mean, you’re you and I’m me.”

“What are you even saying, Byers?” Steve said then, tackling the easier beast in the room. “You and Nancy, you guys are like destined. You both- I’m not worth losing all that for.”

“We know, Steve, we’re still together. I still love Jonathan, but I think I could love you too. I saw pieces of the guy you are now back then, before Barb and the Upside Down, but things were different then. We were young and dumb- I was young and dumb- but I always saw the Steve Harrington I loved there. You’re my best friend, Steve. You have to see that.” Nancy said, hand wrapped firmly around his now. “I know, I know, this is a lot to take in, but at very least you have to know we’re serious about this. About you.”

“Nancy knows I love her, Steve.” Jonathan said, taking Steve’s other hand with his shaking one. “I just need you to know that now, too. Things are so different now and fuck… Steve, you’re just so much. You’re always here for us, always there for the kids and you’re just so bright, I don’t know how I didn’t see it before.”

Steve can hardly believe what’s happening to him. “You guys aren’t shitting me, right?”

Their faces give it all away, but Steve’s denial is ramming hard against his chest, screaming up at him amongst the wild waves and burning flames that they don’t know what they’re saying. It felt like a million years had passed since they all came out as bisexual to each other, and now all of the sudden they were in love with him? They had to know how insane that was.

“You okay over there?” Nancy asked gently.

Nancy he could get, maybe. He knew she didn’t love him back then- or at least, he figured it out when it mattered- but Jonathan was the real mystery. He didn’t hate Jonathan, and he never did, though there was still a bitterness in his mouth every time he thought about those moments he spent thinking the worst of them both while watching Tommy spray paint the Hawk’s show board. He’d known this for forever now, and while his pathetic heart still yearned for them like some broken fucking record, he knew better than to put his cards on that table. Jonathan and Nancy were an impenetrable kingdom behind a high fortress wall and Steve was just the lonely once-prince destined to stand outside and act like he had any real part in it all. To think for even a moment that the gates had opened and he was being asked to come inside was insane to him, but what did he know?

“Okay.” He said finally. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Jonathan said, eyes sad. Oh, oh no. Absolutely not.

“I’m just a little shocked.” He said evenly. Truthfully. Painfully. “Honestly, I didn’t think you guys would ever… see me like that. Not like I saw you.”

“Steve, what?” Nancy said, hushed. Always the detective. “You-?”

“Nancy, you know I’ve always loved you. I thought maybe I didn’t anymore, thought maybe I was gonna drive off with Robin in the passenger instead and forget it all, but you’re impossible Nancy. I’ve always loved you and I think I always will, you know?” he said, flood gates open now. “Jonathan, you were a little harder, but I know now. You were there for Nancy when I wasn’t and I guess I respected that, but you… you’re just so fucking handsome, you know? Drives me crazy. I didn’t even stand a chance, not with you in the room. Of course, I had to fall for you too, huh?”

“Fuck.” Jonathan said dumbly, squeezing his hand and looking away from them both. “Fuck, Steve, what the fuck?”

He plowed on, feeling the beginnings of tears start to burn his eyes. “I know I’m not the best pick, or the sharpest knife, or even the brightest fucking bulb, but I care about you both so, so much. I know you guys are serious but… holy fuck. I’m just trying to take it all in.”

“What are you saying, Steve? Of course, you’re the best pick. We’re just dumb and took this long to see it.” She said with a tear-clogged voice of her own. Shit, they really were a messy bunch. “You mean it though? You like us back? Both of us?”

“Yeah, of course, Nance. How could I not?” he managed; voice tight with unshed tears. “How could I not?”

The rest of the night goes a little like this: Nancy nearly crawls across Jonathan and the table to hug Steve, gripping him close like she was afraid he might not be real. Jonathan scooted in and wrapped his arm around them both, and while Steve really, really liked these new developments, the poor booth they were in just wasn’t designed for three people to embrace. He’s sure he said lets get outta here and get something cheap and greasy to celebrate but that could have been anyone. He’s too high up on cloud nine now to even care. They don’t even make it to their shared car before hugging again, Jonathan’s strong hands wrapped around his body just as tightly as his held Nancy. There’s just something about the way Nancy’s breath stutters against his neck or the way that Jonathan’s hair tickles his nose that feels different now, not that he doesn’t know why. For whatever reason, somehow, someway, Steve ended up with his two favorite people wanting him back. This is love reciprocated, huh? Feels good. I think I could get used to this.

They go to a local spot of theirs and order their usuals, all of them barely paying attention to anything but the energy that was there now, so tangible and electric it made the hairs on Steve’s arms raise. Jonathan had his hand in Steve’s jacket pocket and Nancy was pressed against his chest while they waited in the lobby for their meals, and it took all the willpower he had not to just grab them each and start dancing. He knew it was lame and dorky and if Tommy H. or Carol ever saw him they’d never let it die but fuck them. Fuck them. He had found happiness despite it all, and for once in his fucking life, he was sure about it. Nancy and Jonathan had been there with them through it all, and while he was still freaking out about it being a real, actual thing that wasn’t just a figment of his most frequent dreams, he had a good feeling. They grabbed their meals and drove back to Nancy and Jonathan’s place, all a little too excited to be together, alone, as one unit. Jonathan let Steve play his dumbass ABBA tape and Nancy rolled the windows down so they could sing badly for the streets of Chicago.

He didn’t think it was possible to feel this happy.

He’d call Robin later and tell her all about it, maybe. He’d curl up with them in their bed, too hot between them but too damn happy to give a damn. He’d eat his shitty take-out with them and make some “fancy” mixed drinks, kissing not only Nancy but Jonathan too. They’d be happy, together, and he’d let it happen.