Chapter Text
"Bea…" Camila's voice broke through the silence.
Beatrice kept her gaze focused on her lap, only blinking when Camila's hands took a gentle hold of hers.
Camila's skin looked so pale against the streaks of blood that covered her own.
"Camila, keep adding pressure. Don't ease up." Beatrice urged.
The sword lay broken somewhere beside her, jagged and broken but still casting its blue glow and allowing Beatrice to clearly see the fear and worry in Camila’s eyes.
"We have to get to a hospital. Lilith, punch it into the GPS."
"How do we explain this to a hospital?" Beatrice heard Lilith ask quietly.
"We'll worry about that later. If we don't get her to a hospital she'll…" Mary caught Beatrice's gaze in the rearview mirror and snapped her mouth shut.
Beatrice looked away and focused back on Ava.
"Come on Ava, please."
There was so much blood on her hands.
"Do you want anything to drink?" Camila asked.
Beatrice shook her head. "Any updates?"
Camila kept her hands on Beatrice's and took the seat next to her.
"She's still in surgery. Mary is on the phone to Mother Superion, I think they're trying to look at options."
"And Lilith?"
"With Mary, but I think she's keeping an eye out for Vincent."
Camila seemed nervous to even say his name in front of Beatrice.
There was a small weight off of their shoulders knowing that at least for now, Adriel couldn’t pursue them.
Beatrice let out a long breath and tipped her head back against the wall and closed her eyes.
They really thought they'd be able to take him this time.
Now Ava was bleeding out on some operating table.
And it was all her fault.
She felt Camila squeeze her hands again.
--
Ava was only a few feet away but she felt so out of reach.
Adriel stood before her, connected by the streak of blue between them.
Ava screamed.
Beatrice jumped in her seat as she opened her eyes, her gaze eventually focusing on a styrofoam cup being held in front of her.
Mary regarded her carefully until Beatrice took the cup from her.
"She's out of surgery." Mary said and took the seat beside her.
She sipped from her own drink and grimaced, Beatrice glanced uncertainly at her own cup.
"You should have woken me." Beatrice said.
"You need the rest," Mary replied. "They won't let us see her yet."
Beatrice bit down on all of the questions she had, logically she knew that Mary wouldn't have the answers she needed.
Ava was alive and out of surgery, that would have to do until Beatrice could track down someone.
"Camila's taken the van back to Cat's Cradle, she's going to get some stuff and bring Mother Superion. Lilith is keeping watch."
"Do you think he’ll show up here?" Beatrice asked.
Mary frowned through another sip of coffee but shook her head. "She did a real number on him and I’d like to think Vincent is too much of a coward to come alone."
Ava screaming.
Hands wrapped around the blade, blood dripping from her palms, her lips.
Her chest.
The halo glowed brighter, brighter. So bright that everything that wasn't Ava was drowned in darkness.
Adriel spoke, his words shook Beatrice's core and left a hole in her heart.
"...Beatrice?"
Mary's hand was on her shoulder now. Beatrice didn't know when Mary had taken the coffee out of her hands, only that it was safely on the floor now.
Beatrice passed her hands over her face and sighed heavily.
"I'm fine." Beatrice replied quietly.
She felt anything but, and she knew Mary could tell.
It was a conversation she couldn't avoid for long, but Mary had enough mercy to leave her be for now.
"You can rest though." Beatrice offered. "I'll be here."
Mary slid down into her seat a little and pulled her hood up.
"Fine, but then we're trading."
--
Lilith joined them some time later, apparently finally satisfied they weren't going to be attacked in the middle of a hospital.
There was something vaguely comforting about having Lilith and Mary sat on either side of her, though Beatrice did note that they both looked slightly less tired than she felt.
Then again, they've both moved around in the hours since they arrived. It wasn't much of a leap to assume that at some point they found a bathroom to clean up in.
Beatrice knew she should do the same, but at the same time it served as a quite literal reminder that Ava's blood was on her hands.
Another cross to bear.
The tell tale sound of cane against linoleum had all three of them lifting their heads and turning to the source.
Mother Superion in all her glory headed toward them, Camila followed closely behind her.
"Sisters. Mary." she greeted.
Mary offered a nod of her head.
"Are there any updates?" Camila asked.
"She got out of surgery about a couple of hours ago, she’s stable but that's all we know. They won't let us see her yet." Lilith replied.
Mother Superion hummed thoughtfully and looked over each of them in turn, lingering on Beatrice long enough to make Beatrice focus her attention back on her hands.
"Hm. Mary, would you take me to the relevant doctor or nurse?"
"Sure thing."
"Sister Camila?" Mother Superion gave a nod toward Beatrice as she moved to follow Mary down the hall.
"Right." Camila dropped into the vacated seat and unzipped her backpack. "I brought some clothes. We… May be here for a while. I thought it'd be better if we were comfortable so I brought options."
She began to pull clothes from the bag, passing a habit over to Lilith and then another to Beatrice.
Beatrice was surprised that it didn't stop there, Camila loaded casual clothes onto Beatrice's lap and it took only a few seconds for Beatrice to realise it was the outfit she had worn back when she turned her back on the bus and returned to her sisters.
"Thank you, Camila." Beatrice said quietly.
Camila's smile was warm. "Go get changed, I'll come get you if I hear anything."
--
Locked in the bathroom, alone and away from any prying eyes Beatrice felt the weight of everything finally hit her.
There are often times when Beatrice feels a certain level of disconnect when she looks at herself in the mirror, this time was no exception.
Smudges of blood were dotted over her face, none of it was her own, she knew that much. There’s a nasty bruise on her cheek and under her chin and the bags under her eyes betray just how tired her body actually is.
Beatrice began by washing the blood from her hands, only moving to clean the blood from her face when the water finally ran clear once more.
She wasn’t sure how long passed before she finally started to change out of her clothes, folding each item carefully and setting them in a pile beside the sink.
The habit stayed folded as she changed into the pants that Camila had brought her, though Beatrice paused as she caught a glimpse of her reflection as she reached for the long sleeved shirt.
Bruises scattered her entire torso, one in particular along her ribs seemed like a cause for concern, especially with the pain that she felt when she prodded at it experimentally. But it was the bruise in the centre of her chest that caught her attention the most.
An almost perfect handprint.
Beatrice slowly traced the bruise and sighed.
"Beatrice!"
Beatrice twisted to her left enough for her to see Ava appearing at her side in a burst of light, the light from her halo fading quickly.
She has seen Ava in distress more times than she would like to count, none of those times even came close to the level of panic Beatrice could see in Ava’s expression.
Ava was already turning away from her, turning to face the threat as she threw an arm out towards Beatrice, her palm connecting with Beatrice's chest with more force than Beatrice had thought Ava was capable of.
The force of it threw Beatrice back a few feet, landing heavily on her back.
Beatrice pushed herself up onto her elbows as she watched the sword get closer.
"Ava!"
A drop of water landed on Beatrice's hand. She blinked down at it for a few seconds before lifting her gaze to her own reflection.
She wiped her tears away with the back of her hand and rushed to finish getting changed.
Beatrice bundled her clothes into her arms and stepped out of the bathroom, glancing to her left to see her friends still sat in their seats and waiting. On her right, Beatrice could see Mother Superion deep in conversation with a doctor.
“What’s going on?” Beatrice asked the others when she reached them. She smiled thankfully as Camila took the clothes from her hands and slipped them into her bag.
“No idea.” Mary huffed. “I tried to go to the vending machine so I could eavesdrop and she glared at me just for standing up.”
“I hope it’s good news.” Camila said. Beside her, Lilith hummed an agreement.
They fell into another silence as they tried to watch the interaction, growing more interested as they watched the doctor wave a nurse over and exchange a few words with her.
When the nurse turned and began to walk towards them, Beatrice felt the first spark of hope in what felt like hours.
“Do you think…” Camila began.
“Hopefully.” Lilith said.
“Definitely looks promising.” Mary added and got to her feet as the nurse reached them.
“I know you’ve all been here for a while and I know you all want to see your friend.” The woman began. Her tone was kind but formal. “The best I can do at the moment is let one of you see her for a few minutes.”
Beatrice felt three pairs of eyes on her immediately.
“Okay Bea, you’re up.”
--
The first thing Beatrice noticed was how pale Ava was.
Next came the unsettling silence of the room, save for the steady rhythm of the monitor beside her bed.
Beatrice hovered by the door for a moment before she forced her feet toward the chair beside Ava’s bed and sat down in it.
The sheet was drawn up to her chest but Beatrice could imagine the mass of bandages that no doubt took up the extent of her torso. Wires and tubes, IV line, bandages wrapped around her hands…
Beatrice rested her elbows on the edge of the bed and pressed her forehead against her hands.
Even seeing her like this, alive but so small and fragile, it clenched around her heart like a vice.
“Ava, I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.”
Ava’s chest rose and fell steadily.
“It shouldn’t have happened like this, you were holding your own against him and then I... “ Beatrice sighed. “He saw a weakness and took it and it’s all my fault.”
“Son of a-” Ava cut herself off as she clutched her side, grumbling under her breath as she glared at Lilith.
Lilith poked at Ava’s side with her stick. “You leave your right side open when you go in for attacks.”
Beatrice lowered her own weapon and observed the interaction.
“Okay but why do I have to get my ass kicked by you both at the same time?” Ava pouted.
“Your enemies aren’t going to stand by and wait their turn, Ava.” Beatrice replied. Her thoughts drifted back to that night at the Vatican, to Mary getting piled on by possessed civilians.
“Fine. Fine.” Ava sighed and shifted into her best attempt of a defensive stance. “Come on then, resume the ass kicking.”
Lilith shared a quick look with Beatrice and nodded, moving with her newfound speed, flanking Ava’s left, Beatrice threw herself forward to approach Ava from her right side.
Ava phased through Lilith’s attack and blocked Beatrice’s, grinning brightly. She leapt out of the way of another one of Lilith’s blows and began to back away.
The dance continued for a few more minutes, Beatrice noticed that most of the halo's energy went on avoiding Lilith’s much more aggressive attacks while deflecting Beatrice’s with her stick, sweating but still grinning brightly whenever she met Beatrice’s gaze.
It could only go on for so long until Beatrice finally landed a hit in the square of Ava’s chest, sending her to the ground.
“Fuck.” Ava groaned.
Beatrice turned to Lilith. “Break for five?”
“Fine.”
She crouched beside Ava who narrowed her eyes up at Beatrice. “Lucky shot.”
“Sorry. Are you okay?”
Ava rubbed her chest and flopped her arm back down to the mat. “I’ll live. I did good though right?”
Beatrice shifted to sit down and smiled reassuringly. “You’re definitely improving, but you still leave yourself open to a lot of attacks.”
Ava sat up and turned to face Beatrice fully. “Is this about training me or you guys finding holes in my abilities?”
“Both, I suppose.” Beatrice replied. “I meant what I said earlier, you need to get used to being attacked by multiple enemies, but yes, we’re trying to identify your weak spots.”
“Why?”
“Remember when you were training yourself to phase through the concrete?”
Ava groaned. “How could I forget, break through my personal pain. Good times.”
“Similar kind of concept. Any weaknesses you telegraph Adriel will exploit it.”
Ava frowned as she so often did whenever Adriel was mentioned these days.
“Believe me. I know what he’s capable of.” Ava replied. She jumped to her feet. “Ready to go again?”
“Are you sure? We still have time if you need to rest for longer.”
“Nah I’m good. No chest for the wicked, right?”
Beatrice rolled her eyes, a common occurrence when faced with one of Ava’s puns. “Even for you that was terrible.”
“Made you smile though.” Ava pointed out, offering a hand to Beatrice, who took it gladly.
“You have me there.”
Beatrice carefully took one of Ava’s hands in her own and squeezed it as gently as possible.
“I’ll spend the rest of my days on this Earth making it up to you, I just need you to wake up.” Beatrice said quietly.
--
Beatrice doesn’t leave the hospital.
It takes two days for the nurses to let them into the room full time and they quickly learn to not attempt to remove them unless necessary.
(Beatrice strongly suspected that Mother Superion played a part in making that happen.)
As the days began to stretch out, it became a regular sight for anybody in the hospital to see a gathering of nuns on the third floor.
In the rare moments any of the other Sister's visited and approached Ava's room and found either Mary, Lilith or Camila in that seat by the bed, they knew that Beatrice would be found somewhere else on hospital grounds with one of her squad accompanying her .
Sat in the cafeteria with Camila, walking the grounds with Mary or even occasionally in the Chapel with Lilith.
But those moments were few and far between, Beatrice would only leave Ava's room if one of the others would take up her post of careful watch.
The four walls of Ava's room became her church, the rhythm of the monitors a choir to her grief.
Ava became the symbol to which she would pray.
Beatrice read a lot. Books provided by Camila or borrowed from the hospital's limited supply.
At some point, Beatrice didn't know when exactly, she began to read aloud.
She didn't know if Ava could hear her, hoped beyond hope that she could, but nevertheless Beatrice would find herself telling Ava the stories of whichever novel she had picked up that day.
At some point during one afternoon, Mary joined her, dragging a chair closer to Beatrice and rummaging through a bag she'd brought with her.
Mary looked tired, they all do, but Beatrice saw it clearest in Mary.
They were stretched too thin without Ava, even more so with Beatrice staying by her side. None of them had questioned it though, it even felt like they expected Beatrice to stay where she was.
"Nothing fancy." Mary said, setting down some hastily wrapped sandwiches and two bottles of water on the table. "But Camila made them so you know they're good."
"It wasn't necessary, but thank you." Beatrice replied.
Mary hummed and continued to unpack. "Change of clothes…" She began to pull books out. "Didn't know what you'd be interested in today so I grabbed a variation."
Beatrice glanced at each book until a worn blue hardback caught Beatrice's attention.
She reached out and brushed her fingers along its spine, fully aware that Mary had stopped her movements to watch.
"Why are we here?" Ava whined.
Beatrice shot her a quick look over her book, though she felt her expression soften as she met Ava's eyes.
"You don't need to be here, Ava." Beatrice pointed out. "This technically isn't your studies. You can do what you want."
Ava shifted in her seat and sighed. "I… There's nothing to do."
"You could see what the others are doing."
Ava opened her mouth a few times before snapping it shut and glancing around the library once more. Whatever words she had thought about saying never made it out though, instead she got to her feet and briskly disappeared behind a shelf and presumably out of the room.
Beatrice shook her head and smiled to herself.
Ava had found her in the library in the first place, Beatrice couldn't be surprised that the girl wouldn’t willingly choose to sit still and read.
A few minutes passed before Beatrice was pulled from her own book by Ava reappearing once more, dropping back into her seat with a book in her hand.
"What are you doing?" Beatrice asked.
"Reading." Ava cracked open the book and frowned at the pages. "Well, I'm going to try to."
"Why?"
"Because you're here and I want to hang out with you." Ava replied as if the answer was the most obvious thing in the world.
Her gaze was focused heavily on the book in her hand so it was no surprise that she didn't notice Beatrice openly staring at her.
"What are you reading?" Beatrice asked quietly after a few minutes.
"Poetry?" Ava turned another page. "Yep. Definitely poetry. I'd read one for you but I feel like I'd butcher them."
"Something for you to work towards then. You've overcome every challenge you've set yourself so far. This can be one of them."
The praise felt warranted and Ava's answering smile made her heart sing.
If she saw Ava's fingers reach for a pencil and presumably doodle something in the book, Beatrice didn't say anything.
"Where did you find this?" Beatrice asked quietly.
Mary shrugged and bit into her sandwich. "It fell out of Ava's bag when I was taking it out of the van. Figured she'd like to hear you reading it."
“Thank you.” Beatrice set the book aside, not daring to open it in Mary's presence.
There was something in Mary's expression that Beatrice couldn't quite put her finger on.
"You look tired."
Beatrice sighed. "I am tired."
Mary turned her focus to Ava and ate in silence for a few moments. Beatrice left her sandwich untouched but reached for her water.
"I'm not going to tell you not to stay here, that'd be a waste of time for both of us. But I do want to know…"
"Know what?"
"Why you're staying."
Beatrice looked to Ava. "So she isn't alone."
There was slightly more colour to Ava's cheeks these days. She looked more human but no less fragile.
“What scares me is being alone. Abandoned in some sick bed with no one to… With no one.”
"I made her a promise."
"We will never leave you”
“You mean that?”
“You know I do.”
"I get it." Mary nodded.
She was thankful that Mary didn't press for more information, Ava had trusted her with the secret of her fear and Beatrice had no intention of betraying that trust.
"If there was one thing I learned from Shannon, it was that carrying the halo could be a burden. A heavy and lonely one at that." She turned to face Beatrice. "I tried to be there for Shannon as much as I could. Ava is lucky to have you with her."
Beatrice could see the unspoken acceptance between Mary's words, she knew that none of her friends would understand the feelings that had taken root in Beatrice's soul for a halo bearer quite like Mary.
She had no words to describe the gratitude that she felt. Could only hope that Mary could see it from the expression on Beatrice's face.
Mary smiled and let the moment hang between them for a while before gently easing them into easier conversation.
"Camila asked me to let you know that her and Lilith are going to come by tomorrow. Camila made this thing for dinner last night, fuck it was the best thing I'd ever eaten."
Beatrice let Mary fill the silence with anecdotes and imagined what puns Ava would have used to get a reaction from Mary.
--
Beatrice hit the ground hard, winded from the blow she'd taken from the tarask.
Not ideal on top of the possessed, but she'd expected at least one to show up. Had made sure to plan for it.
Lilith just needed to keep Adriel distracted for long enough for Ava and Beatrice to dispatch it. They knew they had to be quick before Mary and Camila got overwhelmed.
Ava was quick to appear by her side, curling a hand around her arm and dragging her upright.
Even during a life or death battle, somehow Ava managed a grin that was equal parts goofy and flirty.
"Got each others backs, right?" She asked, quoting Beatrice's words from earlier that day back at her.
"Exactly."
Ava grinned again before letting go of Beatrice to surge forward, driving the sword upwards into the tarask.
They didn't have a moment to celebrate before Beatrice caught sight of Adriel as he flicked his wrist.
Ava was yanked violently away, her surprised yelp still echoing in Beatrice's ears.
Adriel stepped forward, picking the sword up off of the ground in a smooth motion and pausing to admire it.
"Truly a beautiful piece." He said as he trailed two fingers along brilliant blue.
Had he always been so close?
There was nowhere to go.
Adriel lifted his gaze to look at Beatrice. "Wouldn't you agree?"
“Beatrice!”
Beatrice startled awake, hand instinctively going for the knife at her ankle before she took in the equally startled figure stood a few feet away from her.
A nurse.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” He said quietly, holding both hands up. “I was changing her IV.”
Beatrice could tell he was trying to be reassuring, but his eyes were still wide with surprise.
“It’s fine.”
--
"You're having nightmares." Lilith said.
Not a question, no room for hesitation.
Beatrice wondered how long she had known for.
The weather was clear that morning and Camila had gently insisted that she would sit with Ava and that Lilith and Beatrice should take a walk on the grounds.
Now it was starting to feel like they had planned this, somehow.
"I am." Beatrice confirmed.
"I do too. What are yours about?"
"That night."
Lilith nodded. "Understandable."
They found shade underneath a tree and Beatrice leant against it, closing her eyes for a beat too long.
Adriel's eyes stayed on hers. She watched him glance in Ava's direction and back.
He's connected the dots.
"Ah." He smiled. "I see."
Beatrice opened her eyes. "Every time I close my eyes I replay that night. I see him all the time, hear him. I see that moment and all I feel is…"
She forced herself to stop. This was her weight to bear and hers alone.
Lilith was observant though, and drew her own (accurate) conclusions.
"Guilt."
Beatrice lifted her gaze to look at Lilith, a nod was all that she could manage.
"That's dumb." Lilith said simply. "You have nothing to feel guilty about. You didn't stab her."
"She got stabbed because of me." Beatrice shot back. She felt the briefest flash of anger in her chest. "He saw what she did when the tarask came for me and he knew how to hurt her."
At a glance, Lilith almost looked annoyed. Though Beatrice knew that it wasn't directed at her, rather at the situation they had found themselves in.
Ava's hands wrapped around the blade in her chest, blood dripping from her palms.
Blood dripped from her lips as she screamed out.
The glow of the halo.
Adriel stepped closer, pushing the sword in that little bit deeper and Beatrice had never felt so frozen in her life.
"You shouldn't have been so open with your weaknesses." Adriel tutted.
Something in Ava's scream shifted, from pain to something much rawer.
Anger.
White hot anger.
A shockwave.
The blade shattered, a piece finding a home between Adriel’s ribs as he dropped the handle at his feet and staggered backwards.
Beatrice watched in horror as Ava pulled the rest of the blade from her own chest and turned to face her, only managing a couple of steps before collapsing to the ground.
"It was me." Beatrice said.
"It wasn't. It wasn't your fault."
"That's not what I meant!" Beatrice snapped.
Lilith took a step back in surprise. Her voice never rose above its careful clipped tone, always in control.
How far she had fallen.
"We spent so long training Ava, sparring with her to find her weak spots so she could get better! But it was me, Lilith. I was the weak spot."
Lilith's face fell, a clear look of sorrow as she stared at Beatrice.
"Beatrice… I-"
Beatrice shook her head and turned back towards the building.
"We should get back."
In any other situation, Beatrice knew that Lilith wouldn't have backed down. Lilith who pursued Ava across the city and had no hesitation of fighting her own friend to complete her mission.
So when Lilith silently fell into step beside her, Beatrice wasn't sure how to take it.
When they saw Camila stood outside of Ava's room, Beatrice walked that little bit faster to reach her.
"What's going on?"
Camila's smile was as reassuring as always. "A nurse came to change her bandages. She shouldn't be more than a few minutes."
Camila looked from Beatrice to Lilith, her brow furrowing as she held Lilith's gaze.
It felt like a whole conversation transpired between her two friends in those few seconds of silence.
The door opened and broke the moment, much to Beatrice's relief.
The nurse looked at them each in turn and greeted them with a warm smile as she closed the door behind her.
"Your friend heals fast." the nurse remarked.
Camila and Beatrice shared a look.
"How so?" Lilith asked.
"Her palms are fully healed, her other injuries look like they're healing well too."
Camila's eyes widened.
"Ava has always been quick to heal." Lilith dismissed. "Thank you for your help, as always."
As soon as she was out of earshot, Camila was scrambling to pull her phone from her pocket.
"I better tell Mother Superion." She said.
Beatrice moved past her into the room, leaving Lilith to follow and close the door behind them.
Beatrice took her regular seat and took a moment to observe Ava's unbandaged hands before carefully taking her right hand in her own.
She turned Ava's hand over and just as the nurse had said, the skin was smooth and unbroken. Only the faintest trace of a scar remained.
"This is good." Lilith said. "Progress."
Beatrice traced the scar with her thumb.
"Progress." She agreed quietly.
"You were wrong before, you know."
Beatrice glanced up at Lilith.
"You're not a weak spot to Ava. You make her stronger, and I think she makes you stronger too."
"I don't feel particularly strong at the moment."
"I know, but that doesn't make what I said any less right. I just want you to remember that."
--
"Mother Superion is talking with the doctor about moving Ava back to Cat's Cradle." Camila explained.
"Do you think they'll go for it?" Beatrice asked.
"Don't see why not. She's stable, it frees up a bed and honestly I don't think Mother Superion will leave this building without the guarantee that we can." Camila shrugged. "It was hard enough explaining away the halo, I don't know what we can say when she heals."
"If she fully heals." Beatrice pointed out. "Divinium injuries are… Complicated."
Not even taking into account the question of if or when Ava would wake up.
"It'll be good to have her back home. For both of you." Camila said.
Beatrice nodded.
"...Lilith told me, by the way. About your nightmares."
"I suspected you'd figured it out in all honesty." Beatrice replied. She looked away and focused on the clouds passing through the window.
"I could tell something had happened that day when you guys came back, but it took some pressing to get Lilith to tell me. Admittedly she only did because she didn't know what to say to help you."
"I'm fine, honestly. There isn't anything to help me with."
Camila smiled. "I'm not sure about that. I know you're thinking about that night a lot, but you and I both know that Ava wouldn't want you to beat yourself up like this. Think about the good memories you have of her."
"It's not that simple." Beatrice sighed.
Camila stood up and walked closer, reaching around to pick a book up off of the table and pressed it into Beatrice's hands.
"I know, things rarely are. But it's worth trying."
There was a knowing look in her eyes that for a moment reminded Beatrice of Mary's expression back when she had given Beatrice the book.
It was a beautiful day in Cat's Cradle, so many of the other sisters had taken any opportunity to spend time in the sun, even going so far as to hold their sparring sessions outside.
Beatrice had chosen to come outside after spending the last few hours going over texts with Lilith.
Each day it felt like they were getting closer to finding Adriel, to hopefully putting this battle to an end.
Beatrice walked alone for a while until she picked up the distant notes of a piano.
She followed the sound across the grounds towards the tree that sat at the far end of the courtyard. It was a spot she would frequent thanks to it being far enough away from prying eyes to give some semblance of privacy.
As she got closer, Beatrice found that under the shade of the tree sat Camila, happily playing music on her tablet. Beside her lay Ava, sprawled on her back and holding the book above her as she read.
Neither of them had spotted her yet, so Beatrice chose to slow to a stop as Ava finished reading.
"This word is far too short for us, it has only four letters, too sparse to fill those deep bare vacuums between the stars that press on us with their deafness…" Ava trailed off with a sigh.
"What is it?" Camila asked.
"It's a great poem, but I don't know if it's the right one." She dropped the book onto her chest. "The second verse is great but…"
"The rest doesn't fit?" Camila finished. She paused in her music to look down at her friend.
Ava nodded up at her.
"I think you're right." Camila agreed. "The other one is better."
"But I haven't practiced that one." Ava groaned.
"There's no rush. You've gotten better at reading and there will be a video somewhere for you to watch so that you can get the pacing right."
"I guess."
“You already circled it right? So you won’t lose it?” Camila asked.
“I circled it so hard that anybody who picked it up would know.”
Beatrice felt her heart begin to race, unable to shake the feeling that somehow she was indirectly being referenced.
It felt too coincidental, for Ava to be apparently practicing poetry with Camila only days after having a similar conversation with Beatrice.
It also felt wrong of her to be witnessing this moment of privacy between them.
Beatrice moved forward and made a point of letting her steps fall a little harder than usual.
The effect was pretty much instantaneous, Camila looked up and smiled while Ava rolled her head to the side and lit up upon seeing Beatrice approach.
"Taking a break?" Camila asked.
"Decided to sneak away for a bit." Beatrice shrugged.
"Bea being a rebel, I'm corrupting you." Ava laughed.
A roll of her eyes and a fond smile in Ava's direction had Ava grinning.
"I'd hardly call taking a break being rebellious." Beatrice replied.
"Either way," Ava patted the ground beside her. "come join us."
Camila got to her feet as Beatrice moved closer, holding her tablet close to her chest.
"You can keep Ava company for a while, I promised Mary I'd help her do inventory on our ammo."
"Better you than me." Beatrice replied.
Ava nodded in solidarity.
She sat beside Ava as Camila walked away, brushing her fingers across the grass before she leant her back against the tree.
“How has your day been?” Beatrice asked.
“Good, to be honest. Mary sparred with me for a bit but I think she got bored and left me to fight with the other sisters. Camila was helping me with my reading and she suggested coming out here.”
“And then you decided to take a nap?”
She was teasing and Ava knew it. She poked her tongue out at Beatrice.
“Tempting, but no. I’ve actually been reading.” She gave the book on her chest a firm pat and Beatrice couldn’t help but smile at the pride in Ava’s voice.
“You’ve been carrying that around with you a lot recently. Are you enjoying it?” Beatrice asked.
“Yeah! They’re all so powerful and heartfelt, I…” Ava paused for a moment, her brow creasing in thought. “I haven’t finished with it yet. But I think there’s some stuff in there that you would like.”
“You’ll have to show me sometime.”
Ava set the book aside and made a point of shuffling closer until she could nudge her head against Beatrice’s knee. “I will. I want you to experience them.”
Beatrice thought back to the passage she had overheard Ava reading and wondered what other poems that book held.
Ava yawned suddenly and closed her eyes against the gentle light that filtered through the leaves.
Beatrice yearned to trace the shadows it cast against her skin.
“See, you got me thinking about naps.” Ava said.
Beatrice’s heart was still racing, it felt daring to offer and usually she would push down on such thoughts.
But in the safety of the shade with only Ava to see, Beatrice felt brave.
She patted her thigh until Ava opened an eye to peer up at her. Ava seemed to understand immediately and moved again, resting her head on Beatrice’s lap and grinning up at her.
“Is this okay?” Ava asked.
“It’s fine.”
“You won’t be uncomfortable?”
“I’d tell you if I was.”
Ava closed her eyes again.
Suddenly the small book in Beatrice’s hands felt so much heavier.
She’d known all those weeks ago that this little book of poetry had become significant to Ava. Her last conversation with Ava before they left to confront Adriel led her to know there was something deeply important to her in that book. But after seeing both Mary and Camila’s reactions to seeing it in her possession, Beatrice couldn’t help but feel as though there was something more to it.
It felt like she was holding a piece of Ava’s soul in her hands.
“You haven’t read it yet, have you?” Camila asked.
“No.”
“Why?”
Beatrice forced herself to meet Camila’s gaze head on. “You know why.”
Beatrice certainly did. As far as painful memories went, remembering that last conversation was pretty high up there.
They had been on the precipice of falling into something more. There was little doubt in Beatrice’s mind. Even if the words hadn’t been said, the actions between them should have been more than enough.
“When we get back, I want to show you something.” Ava said quietly.
It was a gamble, a roll of the dice. In an ideal world she wouldn’t have approached it like this, to rely on her friend slipping in this moment just to confirm what she already knows to be true in the back of her mind.
An ideal world was Ava, awake with her. Sitting under a tree on a beautiful day or huddled together in the library, not Ava, comatose in a hospital room.
Camila looked sad at Beatrice’s words and reached out to give her hand a gentle squeeze.
“She’d want you to read it.” Was all Camila said.
As far as confirmations, Beatrice supposed that was the closest she was going to get.
There was a poem within this book that Ava had wanted Beatrice to experience.
Beatrice just needed to find that bravery she had from those moments with Ava and channel it to open the book.
--
It did get easier once they brought Ava home.
Beatrice still rarely left Ava’s side, but being within the safety of Cat’s Cradle, she did feel more at ease being away from her and taking the time to ease herself back into her training.
The first time she had stepped foot in Ava’s room when they brought her back she had noticed that someone had moved a cot into the corner.
The gesture had touched Beatrice, though she didn’t sleep any easier.
Ava’s wounds had finished healing in the days following, so all that remained was to wait and hope for the halo to continue to heal her.
They still didn’t know when Ava would wake up, all they could do was pray.
On the first Sunday since their return, Mary showed up in Ava’s room and offered to keep an eye so that Beatrice could attend mass.
It had taken a gentle push and several words of reassurance for Beatrice to don her habit once more and make the short trip to the main hall…
Only to freeze in place in the doorway, oblivious to the others moving past her and their looks of concern.
Her gaze stayed focused on the steps in front of the cross.
Ava sat upon the steps, head tilted backwards with her eyes closed. Sword drawn across her lap.
She looked ready for battle.
As Beatrice walked closer, Ava opened her eyes.
There was an unfamiliar intensity in Ava’s eyes, reminiscent of the time in ArqTech when she had made her declaration of being the final Warrior Nun.
"I have to say, this was the last place I expected to find you."
Ava's lips quirked up into a small smile as her eyes softened.
"I needed a minute before we left." Ava replied eventually.
Beatrice shook her head violently, catching both Camila and Lilith’s concerned expressions, apparently having seen her hesitating and made their way to check on her.
Across the room Beatrice saw Mother Superion watching, but paid no thought to it as she turned on her heel and tore her veil off as she retreated back to the safety of Ava’s room.
--
Beatrice could recognise the telltale gait of Mother Superion from miles away, this morning was no different.
She set her book aside and listened carefully to the steps as they approached the room.
It wasn’t a surprise when there was a brisk knock at the door or when it opened and Mother Superion stepped through.
It was, however, a surprise when Mother Superion greeted her with the barest hint of a smile.
“Mother Superion.” Beatrice greeted.
“Good morning Sister.” She walked further into the room and came to a stop at the foot of Ava’s bed. “I don’t know if you’ve been made aware, but we received word of a source of divinium. The rest of your team have gone to secure it.”
She hadn’t known, though it had made sense when one of the newer sisters had come by to bring Beatrice some breakfast and not Camila.
“If it is as much as we hope, Mary believes we will be able to repair the sword.”
Beatrice looked towards Ava, gaze unconsciously falling to the spot on her chest where the blade had impaled her.
Beatrice wondered what became of the piece that pierced Adriel.
She doubted it had caused nearly as much suffering and pain that it had caused them.
But she could hope.
“She looks healthier.”
“She’s getting better everyday.” Beatrice nodded.
“And you?”
“What about me?”
“Are you getting better?”
Beatrice frowned down at Ava’s body. “You’re referring to what happened at mass.”
“I am, yes.”
“I haven’t lost my faith, if that is what you’re worried about.” Beatrice replied. “I just… I just can’t quite face being in there yet. Please trust me on that.”
“That is a relief to hear, but Sister Beatrice, I didn’t ask about your faith. I asked about you.” Mother Superion said.
This was a conversation that Beatrice had managed to avoid over the last several weeks. Beatrice hadn’t actually spoken to Mother Superion without having either Mary, Lilith or Camila in the room with her.
“I… I’m coping. I know I haven’t been pulling my weight and for that I’m sorry-”
Mother Superion held up a hand to silence her.
“Day in and day out, you have kept vigil over our halo bearer. That is important.” Mother Superion cast a long look at Ava before turning back to Beatrice. “There is something holding you back though, that much is clear.”
Ava sat upon the steps, head tilted backwards with her eyes closed. Sword drawn across her lap.
Beatrice stood a few feet away. Watching. Waiting.
“You know you can always come to me or your sisters if you need to. You don’t have to keep anything to yourself.”
“Thank you.” Beatrice replied.
Mother Superion made her way back to the door and paused, looking back at Beatrice over her shoulder.
“You may not believe so, but what you are doing takes courage. Courage that I know you have plenty of.”
Once alone with Ava once more, Beatrice found herself agreeing with Mother Superion.
She didn’t believe so.
Beatrice took Ava’s hand, brushing a thumb over cold knuckles.
“I wish I could be brave for you.”
--
Mary, Lilith and Camila’s mission was a success, but it took a further three days for Beatrice to see the results.
It came in the form of her friends bundling into Ava’s room late one evening, their expressions varying degrees of excitement. Lilith carried something in both hands wrapped in black material.
Beatrice unfolded herself from her seat and rose to their level.
“Is that…” She began.
“We did it.” Mary said.
She nodded to Lilith who pulled the material away with a flourish and threw it to the ground, revealing the sword nestled safely in its scabbard.
Lilith walked over to Beatrice and in the moment before she drew it, Beatrice held her breath and wondered if she would be greeted with the same shade of blue that so often haunted her dreams.
When the sword was freed, it lit up the room. Instead of the dread that Beatrice had come to associate with the glowing blade, she instead felt a reassuring burn of hope.
They knew the halo was working, but to see it was something else entirely.
The sword was whole again.
Lilith placed it back in its scabbard and rested it against Ava’s bed.
“Thank you.” Beatrice breathed. “All of you.”
Mary smiled and reached forward to pat Ava’s leg. “Okay kid, if you can hear us. It’s your turn now.”
She held Beatrice’s gaze the whole time.
--
It was the early hours of the morning when Beatrice finally felt ready.
She flicked on the lamp and let out a long breath.
“I know it’s early, but do you mind if I read?” Beatrice asked into the silence.
Ava’s quiet breathing was the closest thing to an answer that she would get and so with hands that only shook the smallest amount, Beatrice reached for the book that had taken up residence on Ava’s nightstand.
Tentative fingers brushed across the cover before turning it to the first page.
"I needed a minute before we left." Ava replied eventually.
“It’s okay to be nervous.” Beatrice said.
“Are you nervous?” Ava asked.
“Terrified.” Beatrice admitted.
She had trained for years for situations like this, and while Ava had come a long way, Beatrice still didn’t feel comfortable sending Ava into battle like this.
“You do a very good job at hiding it.”
“We both know I have experience at hiding myself.” Beatrice said quietly.
Ava got to her feet and slung the sword over her shoulder, the warmth in her eyes never faded even as she looked sad at Beatrice’s words.
Beatrice flicked through the pages, scanning each one for signs of Ava’s chicken scratch handwriting.
She’d find the occasional doodles in the margins, certain words circled and annotated with question marks. Some, Beatrice noted, had their definitions scrawled beside them and could only assume that Ava had asked somebody for their meanings.
Halfway through the book, Beatrice stopped. Eyes falling on a page where the title was circled so aggressively she knew in her heart she had found the right one.
“Before you came… Is this the one, Ava?” She asked.
Beatrice cleared her throat and traced the first line with her fingers before she began to read.
“Before you came, things were as they should be…”
“I know you do. You know you don’t have to around me, right?” Ava asked.
“You’re the person I never want to hide from.” Beatrice admitted. “I’m the strategist, the one who has contingency plans for every situation so it always feels as though the others look to me to be the strong one, the one who holds it together. But you don’t look at me like that.”
Ava looked at her with fondness and almost reverence.
“You look at me and you just see… Me.” Beatrice sighed. “I don’t even know who I am.”
“You’re Beatrice.” Ava shrugged. “That’s all that matters. We have the rest of our lives to figure out the rest.”
“We?”
Ava smiled and stepped closer and held a hand out towards Beatrice. “Trust in your team?”
As Beatrice returned the smile and took Ava’s hand she felt the energy between them shift, something heavier and electric all at once as they entered into a moment that felt as though they were balancing on a knife's edge, a small word or action away from falling into something more.
“Always.”
Beatrice wiped tears from her eyes and slipped her hand into Ava's as she let herself remember.
She stumbled over the words of Faiz Ahmed Faiz, the poem's natural rhythm broken by her shaking words.
“When we get back, I want to show you something.” Ava said quietly into the scarce space between them. Her gaze was cast downwards. Almost shyly, she added; “I think it will explain things clearer than I could hope to.”
No ‘If we get back’. When.
And when Beatrice nodded, their foreheads bumped together. Instead of flinching back as she knew she probably would have only a few months ago, Beatrice remained steady. Pressing their foreheads together and hoping that the action translated her feelings better than her own words could.
Ava let out a shaky breath against Beatrice’s cheek and Beatrice could feel the flutter of her eyelids as Ava closed her eyes.
“Whatever happens today, we’ve all got each other's back.” Beatrice said.
“Don’t leave now that you’re here-” Beatrice’s voice cracked painfully.
Ava may have chosen this poem to describe her feelings toward Beatrice, but to Beatrice it felt as though Faiz had pulled the words from her soul. From the imagery of her world changing when she met Ava through to the gentle plea that opened its final stanza.
“Stay.” She read. “So the world may become like itself again.”
“Exactly. It’ll all be okay in the end.” Ava replied.
"Yeah?" Beatrice asked.
"Yeah. Yeah I hope so."
"What if it isn't?"
"Well," Ava stepped back and smiled warmly. "It isn't the end then, is it?"
As Beatrice read out the final words of the poem, she closed the book and set it hastily aside and used her now free hand to wipe tears away once more.
The sun had began to rise, it's first rays peaking through the clouds and signalling the start of the new day.
“That was beautiful Ava, you were right to choose that one. But it won't be the same, not until I hear you read it.”
She shifted forward to press her forehead against the side of Ava’s head.
“It isn’t the end, remember? So wake up, please.”
Ava’s voice echoed through her mind, her previous words of reassurance, beautiful in its own right but unable to hold a candle up to the real deal.
She squeezed Ava’s hand and closed her eyes.
"I need you to come back to me." Beatrice whispered.
"It isn't the end."
She felt Ava's hand twitch.