Chapter Text
It was early for guests. The drawing room was dim and cold; flecks of dust played in the rays of the sun between the thick drapes. Outside, the morning sky was pale, and a fresh coat of snow frosted the terrain. In the center of the wall was a fireplace, with a pile of logs simmering and spitting inside. Ciel sat in the chair at the chess table, body aching with sleep. He stretched his legs out and flexed his toes inside of his shoes. His jaw tightened as he let out a hearty yawn and his eyes watered. How on Earth did he get roped into this?
There was a knock, to which Ciel granted entry.
“Young Master, your guest has arrived,” announced his butler. The butler, Sebastian, opened the door to make way for a teenage boy in a purple coat. The boy kept one hand on his hip and his legs set wide. He strutted in, his own butler following behind. The two butlers exchanged a tense glance, but spoke not a word to each other. The boy slumped in the chair opposite to Ciel, cupping his own cheek and grinning.
“Alois Trancy,” said Ciel.
“Earl Ciel Phantomhive!” Alois exclaimed, throwing up his arms and pointing his toes. Ciel winced; Alois sounded like his fiancée Elizabeth when he did that. “Such a joy to see you, Phantomhive.”
“We’re here to discuss business and no more,” Ciel declared.
“Aww, really? Can’t we at least have a little fun while we do it?” Alois could do anything but sit still in his seat. He would stretch his arms and groan, flex his legs over the armrest, or prop his elbows on the chess table. By contrast, Ciel sat nearly still, his back straight and hands folded. He scoffed.
“What’s your idea of ‘fun?’”
“We’re dealing with property now, aren’t we? Claude!” Alois snapped his fingers. His butler strode forth and presented a map, pointing to a small region allocated in a dotted border.
“Now,” Alois began, turning to the map, “there’s a pretty little 22 square kilometers resting between our estates. Different records say different things, but somebody has to own that. I say we—“
“Three thousand pounds,” Ciel interrupted. Alois gawked for a moment, then collected himself. He waved his butler away and laughed.
“Oh, you silly old thing! Daddy must have left you quite the pretty pence for you to go around spending it like you do!”
“Hush, you! Do we have a deal or not?” Ciel gritted his teeth and flexed his fingers.
“Absolutely not! You and I are going to have a little game for it!” When he said this, Sebastian paced to the back of Ciel’s chair, gripping the top and staring Claude down. Alois giggled. “You can call off your poochie, I don’t want a dog fight.” He motioned to the table.
“You’re going to negotiate land with me over a game of chess?”
“That’s much more entertaining, don’t you think? If I win, the land belongs to me. If you win, it’s all yours.”
“And how can I be sure that you won’t cheat?”
“How can I be sure that you won’t cheat?” Alois grinned and eyeballed the board. “Hm, I’m black. That means you go first, Phantomhive.”
Ciel sighed. He scanned the board, pressing his lips as he did. He thought for a moment, then pushed a pawn forward one square.
“Honestly, this is childish,” he complained.
“We are children, aren’t we?” Alois giggled. He nudged a pawn.
“I don’t take kindly to being called a child. I am the head of the house of Phantomhive... I know nothing of childhood.” Alois’ eyebrows flexed.
“Jeez, Ciel, it’s just chess.” Ciel moved a piece. “No need to get all emo about it.”
“Get... what?”
“‘Emo,’ like emotional. You really are a recluse, aren’t you? You should go to a party sometime.” Alois picked up a knight and freed it from behind the pawns. Ciel stared the board down, thinking. Alois groaned, collapsing back in the seat.
“Phantomhive, you’re so bloody serious. Can’t you just lighten up for once?” He looked around the room. “You magically make everything sooo boooring.”
“Why do you have such a need for constant stimulation?” Ciel snapped.
“Life is so boooring when nothing happens.” Ciel moved a pawn. Alois quickly took the opportunity to knock it out. Ciel sighed, pleased.
“But if you don’t slow down and think,” he began. He took a pawn to knock out the pawn Alois had just moved. “You’ll never get very far.” Alois grumbled. “You see, you were so excited to take my piece that you effectively trapped yourself.” Alois’ expression contorted into a wide-eyed grimace. His face grew dark and his eyes darted back and forth between the board and Ciel while his hands spread out in disdain. He broke his pose and whined.
“Bloody hell, I don’t need a psychology lesson. You make me sound like I need a visit to the mental asylum.” He picked up his knight. He almost slammed it down but recoiled, this time taking a moment to consider any traps. When he decided it was safe, he placed the knight. Ciel moved a bishop from across the board to claim Alois’ knight.
“What? I checked that time!”
“Not well enough.”
“Ratbag,” Alois spat. He started to eyeball the board again. He clicked his tongue and popped his lips as he did, the sounds gaining in intensity. Ciel’s face expressed confusion.
“What are you doing?” he asked. Alois’ head snapped up.
“What?”
“You’re making those sounds with your mouth.”
“You’re hearing things.” He looked back down at the board and moved a piece.
“I know what I heard, you’re clicking, and it’s annoying.” Before Alois could respond, Claude piped up.
“My young master is upset. When this happens, he cannot control the clicking.” Ciel paused.
“You really are some kind of loon.”
“Shut up! Move a bloody piece already!” Ciel recoiled.
“What is your bloody problem? Are you mad?”
“We’re not here to talk about me! We’re playing chess for the bloody land!” he screeched. He stood and raised his fists to slam the board, but Claude seized his wrists before they could come back down. Alois whimpered at his tight grasp and slumped back into the chair. He bit the inside of his cheek to keep from weeping.
“You ought to slow down for once. You can’t get through life with just your tongue; you have to use your brain too,” said Ciel.
“I bloody get it already,” Alois moaned to himself. “Sod off.” Ciel looked him over for a moment. Alois huddled down into the chair, covering his face with his sleeve and sniffling. His legs were scrunched up against his body and his other arm hugged them close. Ciel knew that position all too well.
***
“Young Master?” Sebastian delicately prodded Ciel’s shoulder; the muscles underneath were so tense that they barely gave at all to Sebastian’s touch. Ciel’s entire body was shivering and he felt like he had swallowed dumbbells. His throat stung. Sebastian sighed.
“Night terrors again? I could hear you grumbling from the hall,” said he, setting his candelabra on the nightstand. He poked Ciel again with more force. Ciel squeaked and squeezed up tighter. The corner of Sebastian’s mouth pulled for a moment. “Young Master, please try and relax. You’ll never get back to bed like this.” He put his hand back on Ciel for the final time, this time sweeping his thumb gently. Ciel’s shoulder finally began to soften. Sebastian guided Ciel up and handed him a glass of water from the nightstand. Though Ciel’s hand moved towards the glass, Sebastian held it to Ciel’s lips. Ciel parted them gently, drinking as though he were a baby with a bottle. Sebastian supported the back of Ciel’s head as Ciel drank.
“Shall I fetch it?” Sebastian posed. Ciel nodded, his expression vacant. Sebastian guided Ciel’s head back to the pillow and crouched down. When he came back he held a dilapidated plush rabbit. He tucked it into his master’s arms and pulled the covers up to Ciel’s shoulder.
“Will that be all, then?” Ciel raised a weak hand, lightly waving his childish fingers in response. Taking the candelabra, Sebastian left the bedroom silently, save for the shut of the door. Ciel allowed his body to let go of each joint, his limbs sinking into the mattress individually. He held the rabbit up to his nose; it smelled of carbolic soap and petrichor. He rolled onto his back, his spine aching. He stretched his jaw into a yawn and allowed the rabbit to guard him as he slept.
***
Alois’ fingers were on the verge of tearing the upholstery of the chair. His legs quaked, rattling the chess table and knocking pieces off. Ciel looked to his butler, who was looking down and shuffling his feet, then to Alois’, who was staring Alois down with a vicious eye. Ciel rose, scooting the chess table away from Alois’ leg.
“Sebastian, fetch a glass of water,” he commanded.
“Yes, my lord,” said Sebastian, exiting the room. Ciel paced to a bookshelf; he felt Alois’ butler’s eyes burning into his back. He rooted behind the books to find a Bitter Rabbit collecting dust behind a copy of Wuthering Heights . He walked back to the chess table, setting the book on his chair.
“Alois,” he said. Alois didn’t move. He repeated himself, nothing. He placed his hand on Alois’ shoulder, but was quickly met with a strike.
“Don’t touch me!” Alois shrieked.
“Relax for a bloody moment! Christ…” Ciel snapped. Alois’ eyes ripped Ciel in half. “I’m trying to help .” Alois’ gaze darted around. At last his head rolled away and Ciel replaced his hand. He traced his thumb, the broadcloth reaching up to greet his skin. The damask of Alois’ vest caught the cold, snowy light, illuminating his chest. His shoulders let go and his fingers released the upholstery.
“Can you trust me for a moment?” said Ciel. Alois whimpered. Ciel reached for Alois’ wrist, lifting it and nestling the bitter rabbit under. Alois squeezed it, the tension from his body localizing in his arms. He traced his fingers in the fabric and wept. Ciel sighed.
“The water, my lord.” Sebastian appeared at Ciel’s shoulder, holding a pewter dish with a deep, crystal goblet. Ciel took the goblet, holding it out to Alois, who didn’t move to take it. Ciel sighed again and moved it to Alois’ lips. He perked up and took the edge of the glass, suckling the water off of the brim.
“Why… why did you get so upset like this?” Ciel asked. Alois stopped drinking and looked up, never ceasing to pet the rabbit.
“Well…” he began, “I… I hate being told what to do. Authority figures. It’s bloody fucking annoying when other people control my life. Do you think I want to be the way that I am, Phantomhive? There’s no use trying to give me a moral lesson on thinking or fucking whatever. You don’t know what I’ve been through!” he spat, starting to rise. Ciel backed off and raised his hand in defense. Alois froze and began to sob. He collapsed back into the chair, curling around the Bitter Rabbit.
“What have you been through that I haven’t?” Ciel growled. “I’ve looked hell into the eyes, seen my family killed, I, I--” he shuddered as a motor tic hit him, causing his shoulders to squeeze and his neck to jerk. “--I’ve had my childhood taken away from me!”
“Boohoo for you!” Alois whimpered between sobs. “Don’t act as if my childhood wasn’t! My… I held my brother’s corpse in my arms!” Ciel’s neck ticed again. “How could you understand what it’s like to lose a brother?” Ciel’s eyepatch grew wet.
“You…” Ciel’s throat strained with dryness. “You bloody fucking wanker.”
“The bloody hell did you just call me?” Alois spat, raising and stomping towards Ciel. Ciel backed away.
“Listen,” Ciel squeaked, shrinking under the towering Alois, “you really are just like me.”
“Huh?” Alois righted himself.
“The way you went mental and froze… I’ve been there.” Alois gawked; no way Phantomhive was about to spill his guts. “Tell a soul and I’ll kick in your shins but… I get it. Losing your family, your childhood… I’m a shadow of myself as an Earl.” Ciel never looked up at Alois. From the wall, Sebastian twitched. Alois began to weep again; the gray scowl on Ciel’s face felt all too familiar.
“Shadow…”
“I mean, I’m putting on an act.”
“No I know, I… I get that. I don’t…” Alois began to well up even more, his nose beginning to trickle. “I don’t recognize myself either.” He stumbled to a sofa and collapsed. Ciel rushed around to sit by Alois as Alois wailed. “I’m not me!” Alois repeated. Ciel guided Alois’ head into Ciel’s lap.
“Did you,” Alois choked on his words, “did you have a brother too?” Ciel squeezed his teeth together.
“No, I didn’t, but… I had a dog. He was like a brother to me.”
“Huh… what happened to your dog?” Alois’s weeping had begun to lessen, though Ciel’s shorts were now drenched.
“He was killed too, with my parents.”
“What was his name?”
“Uh…” Ciel looked around. “Sebastian.” Alois laughed.
“You’re bloody joking! Did you name your butler after the dog?” Ciel laughed a bit.
“Yeah, I did. I was only ten then,” said Ciel. Sebastian could be heard sighing from across the room. Alois paused for a moment.
“I was about the same age… when I lost my brother,” Alois began, petting the Bitter Rabbit. “He burned to death. Then…” Alois looked across at his butler. “Claude, leave us.” Claude spared no time in seeing himself out.
“In that case, you too, Sebastian. Wait outside,” Ciel commanded. “What were you saying?”
“Then I was taken away… whatever happened was so awful that I don’t even remember. All I know is that my body always ached. Then he came… Claude. And I became the Earl.”
“Christ. Really, Alois, it’s like we lived the same life.”
“What happened to you?”
“Well, I was ten when I was found and sold. I remember all that happened, but,” Ciel shuddered as he had another tic. “I can’t bring myself to say. My body aches remembering. But the people I was sold to, they summoned Sebastian… and, since my father was dead, I became the Earl.”
“What was your wish for Sebastian?”
“To get revenge on those people that hurt me, who killed my family. It’s all I think about. I want to kill those people myself.” Alois was quiet. “What about you?”
“Honestly… I have no bloody idea anymore. I’ve gotten myself tangled up with so many demons that it’s become muddy. I’m just bound to them. But at first it was to have you.” Ciel widened his eyes and huffed. “I mean, it’s not like I’m a--” Alois said a rather vulgar slur. He looked up at the door and then lay back down. “I don’t know, maybe I am. I don’t think it’s bloody normal to always be thinking about a boy, now, is it?” Alois stared up at Ciel with beady eyes. Ciel looked up to avert Alois’ gaze.
“How are you feeling?” Ciel asked, still looking up.
“Better. I feel comfortable here.” Alois drew up his knees. His eyes closed for a moment, until they shot open. “Ciel!”
“What?!”
“I’m a bloody--!” Alois used the slur again.
“Christ, Alois, you needn’t shout! What led to that conclusion?” Alois sat up, facing away from Ciel.
“I mean… I’m here in your manor, laying in your lap, I’m always thinking about you,” Alois listed. Ciel huffed again, heavier this time.
“I… I’m engaged, you know,” said Ciel. Alois looked at him for a moment, then burst out laughing.
“Please! Even if I’m not one to talk, you can’t tell me a boy wearing shorts at age thirteen isn’t a bloody homo!” Ciel flushed.
“Quiet, you! I…” Ciel paused. Now that he thought about it, he didn’t take pleasure in talking about girls with his roommates when he attended school. And he did think the illustrations of men in clothing adverts were very handsome. And he had certainly been enjoying reading The Picture of Dorian Gray in the paper every week. Oh no.
“I’m a homosexual,” Ciel declared, making a ghastly face. Alois’ laugh was the honk of a trumpet.
“I knew it! I did! Claude owes me a sixpence!” Alois cried. Ciel sighed; his heart was racing.
“If anyone finds out… I’ll lose the Earldom! I’ll lose the estate! I… I could go to jail! My plans would be ruined!” Ciel screeched. He rose and began to pace, muttering.
“Christ, can you relax? Nobody’s got to know, you know,” Alois rose and left the rabbit on the sofa, tucking his hands into his pockets. Though his face was calm, his cheeks were streaked by tear trails.
“What do… homosexuals do? How do they… we… live?” Ciel couldn’t keep his hands steady.
“What’s that s’posed to mean?” Alois crossed his arms. “Why would we be any different?”
“Homosexuality is sin… maybe this has arisen since the contract with the demon,” Ciel theorized.
“No, you dunce,” Alois said. He walked over to Ciel and flicked Ciel’s forehead, causing him to flinch. “Homosexuals are born that way. You’ve always been homo. Nothing about you has changed.”
“Am I going to be a nonce? I remember when I went to mass as a child, the pastor said that homosexuals are--” Alois interrupted him.
“Oooooh Lord, Phantomhive. You just like blokes. That’s it. There’s nothing else to it,” said Alois. Ciel was about to crumble to dust. “Personally, I don’t get why people hate homos so much, never have. Why’s it society’s business?”
“That doesn’t change the fact that my Earldom is at stake!” Ciel seethed.
“Not if you’re secretive about it,” Alois said, grinning. Ciel paused, thinking.
“Come to think of it… what is there to be secretive about? If I’m not actively engaging in homosexual activities, then there’s nothing to hide.” While Ciel had been speaking, Alois had walked over to the curtains, drawing them closed. Alois walked to the fireplace and held out his hand, his fingers curling gently. His eyelids fell low and his mouth drew into a small smile.
“You asked what homosexuals do, right?” Alois inquired. “You’ll have to engage in some homosexual activity if you want to find that out.” He winked. Ciel’s face simmered as he stood still, dazed. After Ciel remained motionless for a few seconds, Alois dropped his arm and sighed. He walked over to Ciel and took Ciel’s hand, leading him back to the fireplace. Alois sat in an armchair and patted his lap. “Come on then, come sit.” Before Ciel could continue being silent, Alois took Ciel’s wrist and gently pulled Ciel into Alois’ lap. Ciel melted.
“This isn’t… this isn’t proper,” Ciel exclaimed. He sat very modestly, sitting with his legs together on the top of Alois’ legs.
“Being homo isn’t proper either, now, innit?” said Alois. “Now, lemme show you what we do.” Alois laced his fingers into Ciel’s and hooked his other arm around Ciel’s back. Alois leaned in; Ciel remained tense with his eyes wide.
“Close your eyes, dunce,” Alois whispered. Ciel squeezed his eyes shut, tensing his lips. Alois pulled back. “Come on, Phantomhive, relax. Just let me lead it.” Alois leaned back in, closing his eyes and parting his lips. They found Ciel’s, brushing gently before pulling away. Ciel squeaked a bit in surprise. At last, Alois came back, his lips fully setting into Ciel’s. Ciel’s heart pounded against his ribs. He opened his eyes just a bit to admire Alois’ rosy face. Ciel allowed his fingers to fully lock into Alois’, Ciel’s other arm finding Alois’ shoulder. Ciel’s lips vibrated as he felt the softness of Alois’. Alois’ arm on Ciel’s back moved up and around to find the back of Ciel’s head, pulling him in closer as Alois leaned back into the chair. Ciel leaned his body in to lie on Alois, their hearts beating against each other. They sighed as their lips parted again, wasting no time to come back together. Ciel’s eyelids fluttered. They continued to kiss delicately for a moment until Ciel mmphed and pulled away.
“Wait, what about the property?” Ciel asked. Alois groaned, rolling his eyes and leaning back.
“Just take the bloody land, I have plenty anyway,” he griped. Before Ciel could protest, Alois guided him back in, silencing him with another kiss. Alois’ hand took Ciel’s cheek, stroking it with his thumb. They tried to pull away, but couldn’t stay off for more than a few seconds when the yearning took back over. Alois smiled against Ciel’s mouth.
“Ha ha, you’re a homo,” Alois giggled.
“Shut up ,” Ciel whispered. He took more control, this time being the one to instigate. His chest swelled with confidence, yet he felt himself melt into Alois’ warm, loving embrace. It was almost as if their very souls were locking into each other. Alois squeezed Ciel’s hand, and Ciel squeezed back. Just as their chests were about to ignite, there was a knock at the door, dousing the fire in ice water. Ciel squeaked and hopped off of Alois’ lap.
“Young master? Lord Trancy? Are you alright? It has been quite a while,” asked Sebastian’s voice.
“Ah! Come in!” Ciel stuttered. Sebastian entered, followed by Claude.
“Your highness, have you and the Earl Phantomhive come to a deal?” asked Claude. Alois gave Ciel a devilish look, wiping his lips, then turned to Claude.
“Why, yes, we have. We’re finished here.” he leaned into Ciel’s shoulder to whisper. “Next weekend, your garden?” Ciel nodded quickly. Alois waved his fingers at Ciel and turned to leave. “We’ll show ourselves out.” With that, Sebastian closed the door behind Alois and Claude. Sebastian strode in Ciel’s direction.
“So, did you reach a conclusion?” Sebastian asked. Ciel nodded, staring at the floor.
“Sebastian.”
“Hm? Yes, what is it?”
“I’m a homosexual,” his gaze never left the floor. Sebastian’s face pulled into a forced smile.
“Yes, I heard you declare so twenty minutes ago.” Ciel panicked. Oh no. “If I may, I assure you it was not my doing,” Sebastian explained, the annoyance in his face growing more prominent. “Earl Trancy was correct. Homosexuality is natural, it cannot be changed.” Ciel grimaced.
“Please tell me that’s all you heard,” he groaned.
“I’m afraid I cannot tell lies.”