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What is a secret?
If you were to ask one he would probably sigh, straighten out his papers and look at you like a fool. He would tell you a secret is something you’re ashamed of. Something you hold close to your own chest because it can be used against you. To berate, to guilt, to completely weaponise. He would claim a secret is a part of you that you keep to yourself. If you’re unfortunate maybe one other will know. If you’re fortunate it would be a secret to share.
If you were to ask another he would probably hum, looking up from his school work. Maybe get lost in thought with a pout on his lips. He would probably roll his head to the side and strain himself as if this question personally weighed on him, because it did. He would probably tell you that secrets are kept out of necessity. That they’re kept away from the public for a reason. That people aren’t ready to hear secrets, maybe. There were lots of maybe’s from the boy. He would fiddle with his fingers and try to avoid answering more.
One or another.
They shared the same secret despite their different views on the word as a whole. Their secret was one shared between the privacy of four corners and a closed door. Their secret was shared between warm bodies and heated kisses. In the quiet of a hotel room with large palms feeling out the shape of a younger body. Fingertips carving out pathways between predetermined lines. Between the valley of the boy’s chest is where kisses worked their way down. A tongue joining in the pathway down his abdomen. Lips moving along to kiss each curve. Palms moving to grip the teenager’s hips like he was a glass of wine. Firm, but gentle.
“Jotaro.” The teenager whimpered out. Fingers coasting through beautiful black hair. He loved the way the hair curled around his fingers. His fingers almost massaged the man’s scalp as his body was kissed. His fingers pulled at the hair on the man’s scalp and pulled him upwards. He crashed their lips together. Tasting the salt on the man’s tongue. The vague taste of gum to drown out tobacco. It was his favorite flavor.
“Josuke.” The man replied. Delicate. Talking as if he raised his voice the boy would shatter. He knew the boy wasn’t easily broken, but Jotaro was a weary man. A power to wreak havoc, his hands have killed before. He’s tainted, and yet his fingers can be used to bring such joy to the boy under him. His hands moved to grip Josuke’s own. Both palms lacing fingers with other fingers. He pushed his hips forward. Locking their intimacy together. Bodies flush against one another. The sounds that pooled from the boy’s lips were angelic. Jotaro didn’t deserve them. Just because he didn’t think he did doesn’t mean that he didn’t want to hear them. He indulged in the sounds that spilled around him, “Josuke.”
A mantra, a prayer even. A call for forgiveness of the sins he’s committed. His savior laid between the sheets and his own body. His only solace in the reality he held. The bodily pleasure of flesh, the indulgence of their minds. Relativity be damned. Jotaro didn’t know him as a child, didn’t raise the boy or condition him. Outsiders are only good at being outside. Here on the inside, where only he knew himself… he found comfort. He relished in the other Joestar’s existence. Josuke is too young? Bullshit. He’s old enough for loss, for baring a stand, for taking justice into his own hands. He’s old enough to understand the weight of this attraction. They were both old enough to know that if their secret gets out it’s not the incest that would be shamed, first would be their sexuality.
It’s why this affair remains a secret.
The way they act in public is just as under the table… quite literally. The way Josuke’s foot brushes against Jotaro’s calf as he sips his coffee. The looks they share when Tonio is absent from their view. Josuke likes to play it risky; but no matter how much Jotaro scolds these acts he can’t help but love them. Love the way that the kid wants him bad enough to take these risks. He loves the way Josuke feels the same… knowing their forbidden public displays but wishing for it anyways. His eyes leave Jotaro’s gaze and Jotaro’s eyes follow. A woman came in, arms locked with a man. Her breasts pushing against the arm she leant against. Jotaro’s eyes would move back to his companion just in time to see Josuke’s eyes droop as he held the look at the woman. The way his chest rose slowly and dipped faster, a poor attempt to hide the sigh.
It wasn’t hard to tell Josuke craved the physical display of affection. To lock arm’s together. To share secretive kisses without the risk of someone causing problems. To show off how loving they could be. Jotaro had his own sigh, moving his leg quietly to brush his boot against Josuke’s leg. His eyes looking over the boy who tensed and then relaxed just as quickly. His face turning back to Jotaro and smiling. The joyous smile he held shook Jotaro’s core each and every time. Awestruck with the way Josuke radiates. Jotaro couldn't help the way he smiled back. He listened to his younger partner talk about anything and everything. Josuke didn’t voice it but he was glad Jotaro understood him. Could react in the right ways to silently reassure them. He knew the older man felt the same. This was their reality.
Their secrets.
“Jotaro.” The boy spoke, pulling his lips away from their kiss, leaning his forehead back against Jotaro’s own. Their bodies sitting in the front seats of the blue rental car. Jotaro would only hum to let the boy know he heard Josuke. “Can I ask you… about your past.”
“My past?” He asked almost instantly. “I already told you about Dio. About my comrades.” The man would sigh. He really didn’t want to think about them. About him. Not when he had Josuke right here. The past was the past. They knew what they had gotten into when they went to Egypt.
“No, not that.” Josuke whispered, moving himself over the consol. Legs straddling each side of Jotaro. His back almost pressed into the horn of the car. “I wanna know what happened after that.” Josuke’s arms wrapped around Jotaro. His nose brushed against his companions neck. He settled his head against Jotaro’s shoulder. His hair flicking out in different directions from the contact with the seat. He’d fix it later.
“After…?” Jotaro asked. His hands came to Josuke’s hips. They slipped under the blazer, pushing aside the hem of the boy's pants and moving under Josuke’s yellow undershirt. “You don’t want to hear about that.”
“No, I do.” Josuke retorted. The boy’s hands folded down that turtleneck Jotaro wore only to place a playful bite against his forbidden lover's skin. He pulled back and let the fabric fold back over skin. “I wouldn’t have asked otherwise.”
“Brat.” Jotaro retorted with a scoff to his lips. His fingers traced invisible star’s over skin. “Why?” He asked. Quiet as his head tilted, exposing his neck for Josuke to play with.
“Because…” Josuke paused before letting his lips leave pecks along the exposed throat. Even in the darkness of night he could make out all the bruises along the man’s throat. It filled his chest with pride. Yeah, Josuke could heal them but… Jotaro never asked him to. “Because I want to know what you were like between your adventure and me. I wanna know your journey from there to here.”
Josuke’s voice was dipped in sweetness. Affection. Adoration. Jotaro would lean back in his chair and look at Josuke’s interested eyes before sighing. “Josuke… I know you won’t get an answer that you want.”
“I don’t care how boring it is.” Josuke would pout. “I wanna know about college, about how hard you went and partied when you turned twenty one. I wanna know about how you made it.”
Jotaro sighed. One hand coming up to his young, optimistic lover. “It’s not a beautiful story Josuke. Once I tell you… you may look at me differently. You may not even want me anymore.”
“Nothing can change between us.” Josuke whispered. So sure of himself, of his opinions. Something Jotaro knew would change as he aged. Hell even now Jotaro knew in ten years he himself would change. People never stop growing. Josuke would have to know eventually.
“I was married once.” Jotaro whispered as his fingers brushed against Josuke’s cheeks. He watched the teenagers eyes widen, then narrow. He was focused and thinking on the matter.
“Is… is there a place that lets people like us marry?” Josuke asked. Heart swelling. Jotaro saw the shine in that boy’s eyes. His own heart would squeeze in pain.
“No.” Jotaro’s voice was cold, distant and just as crushing as the reality of his words. He watched Josuke’s eyes move to the side and then back to Jotaro. “Not yet anyways. I’m sure… someday.” The man whispered, as if that hope was a consolation prize.
“But that means… you have an ex-wife?” Josuke asked. His face lent into the hand that had been holding him. “Jotaro that doesn’t change much.” The boy shrugged. “Exes are unavoidable at your age. I know I’m not your first anything and that’s okay.” His eyes fluttered closed. That same compassionate and innocent smile… as if he was parading around giving happiness away.
“Yes.” He whispered. “But… that’s not what I wanted to share…”
“Jotaro.” The boy huffed, blowing cold air into the saliva he left on his companions throat. “I don’t wanna hear how you met her, or the reasons you faked liking women… I think I can understand that.”
“I have a child.”
Josuke went silent. His playful fidgeting stopped as he pulled his head back to look over Jotaro. The two shared a very quiet, very heavy moment. One in which Josuke’s hands moved to press against Jotaro’s chest. His eyes trying to find some proof it was a lie. Or maybe he was just trying to piece together what he wanted to say. He would lean back, Jotaro was quick to react and reposition the seat further away from the wheel. He felt the boy’s fingers curl in his shirt only to hold on with the sudden action. He would sigh, finally looking away. “How old are they?”
“Seven.” Jotaro replied fast enough for Josuke to know this wouldn’t have been a lie. His fingers tightened their hold before letting up.
“How’d it happen?” Josuke asked before shaking his head. “Not— not like— how kids are made I know that.” The teenager sputtered out. “I really wouldn’t want to hear how they were made.”
“I wouldn’t want to remember how either.” Jotaro sighed, leaning back against the chair. “I was about twenty.” He sighed. Closing his eyes and forming a line with his lips. “When I came back from Egypt I went to study on my own, never went back to actual high school but I graduated on independent work. I went abroad to America for college, knew English because of my mother so it wasn’t too hard.” He shrugged, eyes opening to watch Josuke slowly become more comfortable again. “Mom kept asking if I had a girlfriend yet. She kept talking about my eventual marriage or my eventual children. It became her obsession even… I guess I felt like I had to give her these things since I was such a brat growing up.”
Josuke nodded along with those word’s. “I think I get that, yeah.” His voice was meek. “You just wanted her to be happy… to be proud.” His palms moved up Jotaro’s chest. Gripping the sides of Jotaro’s neck. “I think I’ve gotten to know you well enough.” Josuke’s voice tapered off to a soft laugh. He watched his companion’s eyebrows shift as if confused about what was funny. “I know you well enough. You probably found her the least annoying, faked a relationship well enough with her.” Josuke’s fingers danced against the man’s neck. “Low maintenance woman. I’m guessing she only was interested in your looks and money, and you were okay with that. You were okay with it because it would be easy to spoil her in gifts to deflect physical displays of affection.” The boy moved his forehead to Jotaro’s. “But… you couldn’t avoid physicality forever.”
Jotaro watched the boy’s eyes close before sighing against his lips. “You know… I’m told I’m hard to read… yet you do it so easily.” The oceanic man whispered, his lips brushed against Josuke’s. A gentle carcass between them. Intimate. A silent thank you.
“Jotaro?” The boy pulled back from their gentle connection. His mouth opened before closing. He tried again only for the action to repeat.
“Take your time.”
“Jerk.” Josuke huffed but it stifled with a chuckle. He would move his forehead against Jotaro's with a faint smile on his lips. “I… don’t mind that part of you either. I’m shocked, yeah, but…” his shoulders would roll some. “It just means I skip the diapers part, huh?” He laughed heartily. His eyes closed as he did. A genuine play for a joke but Jotaro was unsure if it was completely one.
The man moved his hands along Josuke, trailing along to hold him by the waist. He slipped those hands to the teenagers back and eventually they moved down to the boys hips once more. “We don’t have a strong bond… I’m an absent father.” The man admitted. Solemn but sincere, he knew his faults. “I didn’t want a child with a woman but that’s the only type of human that can bear one.” A pained chuckle left the man’s form and his fingers kept rubbing circles into Josuke’s skin. “I love her, I want to be a good dad but how can I when I look at her and I’m constantly reminded of how I ruined her…” Opening up wasn’t easy, but with Josuke it hurt a little less.
Josuke didn’t know what to say to comfort his lover. So instead his arms wrapped around Jotaro. The man was sensitive to touch, and not in a good way, especially when his emotions were out of his control… yet here, now, with Josuke… the man was comforted. Josuke’s understanding nature. His accepting mindset. Is it weird to say this is the same familiarity Jotaro feels towards his mother? Minus the sexual deviancy. There was that saying that men fall for women like their mothers, maybe it was still the same for a gay man. The claim may be bunk but it felt true in this sense. Oh well. Jotaro’s arms held the teenager tighter.
This exchange was another secret they shared. Josuke was good at keeping them, despite his openness. When it comes down to it he can actually lie pretty well. Though Jotaro knows the boy feels guilty afterwards. So to combat this Josuke simply avoids having to lie by never bringing up topics that could lead to what he was keeping hidden. If anyone found out the innocent, loving Josuke Higashikata held a giant incestious skeleton in his closet he might as well flee the country.
Jotaro considered fleeing the country. Quite often in fact. To run away from the country with his underage lover was nothing but a fantasy. In two or three year’s though eloping wasn’t such a bad idea. Jotaro found himself thinking of it all too often. To take Josuke’s hand in his own. To pull him close as they board a plane. They’d go… somewhere. Just anywhere that would accept them. A place where no one would or could find out they were related. A crock of shit that idea was. They look like brothers. There was no wiggle room to claim otherwise and suspicions could lead to investigations. The fantasy remained just that… until Jotaro’s mind began to wander to their realities. The options available for them. An idea struck him.
Jotaro would move his hands from Josuke’s bare hips. His fingers would brush the stray strands of hair from his lover's face. They had been laying in bed for quite some time now. Catching their breaths and basking in the company of each other's bare body. Jotaro looked at this smile with one of his own. One not nearly as vibrant but it remained influenced nonetheless.
“Let me adopt you.”
Josuke’s smile dropped. His face showed confusion as he sat up on an arm. A brow raised to Jotaro. “What?” Simple enough reply, anyone would be confused. “Why would you want to adopt me, and I wouldn’t enjoy you dating my mother as a cover for us.”
“Not a cover. Nothing between me and Tomoko either.” Jotaro spoke without a change in tune. He watched the teenager look him over as if he was insane. “What I mean is… let me legally apply to adopt you. I read an English book once… about how gay lover’s would sometimes adopt their younger lover.” Jotaro spoke out carefully. He felt Josuke’s palm brush against his chest.
Leaning forward Josuke’s words were simple. “Why?”
Jotaro would bring himself to sit up, it forced Josuke to do the same. One of Jotaro’s hand’s came to clasp Josuke’s own. Their eyes connect with adoration for one another despite the younger’s confusion. “To bypass the law.” Jotaro spoke into the air between them. “Gay couples would adopt the younger partner to bypass the law’s against their union. If I adopt you… you will have legal right to see me in the hospital. You will have legal rights to my possessions…” Jotaro’s eyes never stopped taking in the changes that Josuke’s own would show.
Josuke’s eyes would go wide, his cheeks turning the brightest shade of red. His hand was held against Jotaro’s chest. He could feel the other’s heart hammer in it’s confines. “Jotaro…” he breathily whispered. Mouth agape as he looked back to the older man. His voice barely over a whisper. “That sounds like… it… are you?” Josuke’s voice was shaking, his hand doing the same but perhaps to a lesser degree.
Jotaro’s forehead pressed against Josuke’s own. A nervous smile painted his features. His hand squeezing Josuke’s own as if to ground him back to their reality. “You don’t have to give me an answer yet.”
“We’re already family.” Josuke would respond, quickly. His cheeks aflame. His heart beating with ferocity.
“Not immediate family. I can’t call off work for familial emergencies if it involves you because we're not immediate.” Jotaro spoke calmly despite the blood pumping through him warming his body. Excitement, fear, both even? “But this…” Jotaro’s voice stated. Squeezing the boy's hand a little tighter to refocus Josuke. “This is your choice. Even if you change your mind about us; I still —“
“Yes.” Josuke cut the man off, moving his body over Jotaro’s. A leg over the man’s hip. Both arms taking a hold in a tight hug of Jotaro’s body. He squeezed the man close. “Yes.” His voice repeated. It sounded jumbled. Somewhere between a cry and yell. His body was met with larger arms holding him closer. Their bodies entangled back onto the bed with their chests pressed together. The beat of their hearts pumping in sync with one another. Their pieces fit perfectly together.
What’s another secret between them?