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“How many people in this room have you thought about having sex with?” Kaydel whispers in her ear, the roll of her eyes sending the room into a spin for a moment before she gathers her thoughts.
The question is almost paradoxical, because of course from time to time she’s thought about getting down and dirty with the other five people in the room, but she’d never admit that out loud. Except in a case like this, perhaps, but otherwise, no. Not once. Not ever.
Now, though, as a result of this question, she has thought about fucking all of them. Every time she looks at their faces, she can see it, and it would be irritating if she still had the habit of blushing, but at this point she’s long past the point of being embarrassed. People think about sex, it happens, that’s life, and she’s over it.
The blonde sitting next to her, however, is not. Wide, round eyes stare at her expectantly as she contemplates how to answer. The honest answer is indeed everyone, but Kay won’t be satisfied with that. Neither will all five people. The answers to this game are vague, but they need to still be interesting, and a simple word like, “everyone,” won’t be.
Biting her lip, she looks out at the other faces; Poe’s wearing a smirk, one which suggests he knows exactly what someone’s thinking at any given time, and yet he almost seems to not care with the way he leans against his boyfriend, Finn and casually rubs circles into his shoulder. Like him, his partner is interested yet aloof, looking at her like he’s not really seeing her, but his body is tilted her way, indicating that the second she starts speaking, he’ll be at attention, ready and willing to listen.
Then there’s Rose, who, like Poe, is smirking, but she isn’t out of focus in the slightest. Her attention is sharp, pitch perfect, and aware of everything going on in the room, likely right down to the blinking green light on the smoke detector. She’s the one having the most fun in this game, well, maybe aside from her girlfriend, the person who asked her the question in the first place. It’s no wonder they’re such a fitting match, they both have the same appetite for trouble.
Especially when it comes to something like this.
The only person who isn’t looking at her with even a hint of mischief in their eyes is Ben. Sure, he’s curious, but that curiosity is masking—very thinly—some kind of fear, a fear which becomes more obvious the longer she maintains eye contact with him. It almost makes her nervous to know what he’s thinking, especially given the way she’s started to think about him lately, how she’s started to dream, and the things they do in her subconscious—if he only knew.
She can’t tell if he’d love or hate her for it. Whatever she feels for him is early days, but right now, if she is to give a more complex answer to Kaydel’s question—to change the meaning of it from how many to how often—she’d tell her it’s him.
“Ben,” she whispers, managing to only allow her eyes to widen slightly when she realizes she said that out loud.
Everyone else in the room giggles quietly. Kaydel looks delighted, her teeth gripping her lower lip as she winks at the boy sitting directly across from her. “I can’t say I agree, but hey, good for you.” Then she holds out her palm, a copper-colored penny shining in her hand. “So, let’s see if I get to tell them what you asked.”
The rules of this game are fucking cursed. Every question asked is anonymous in a way, this is true, but it also gets the chance to be revealed, and the chances of exposure are high. Well, they’re balanced, but with an answer like the one she’s just given, they are way too god damned high.
Before she can prepare herself, the penny goes flying through the air, and the woman who tossed it slaps the cursed thing down onto her wrist. Rey’s heart stops. Time itself crawls to a standstill. The Earth itself ceases to rotate or crawl further around the sun. Everything is frozen, unmoving, nonexistent, and she wishes it would stay that way forever, until she hears the relief she’s been waiting for.
“Tails,” Kay announces, and everything begins to move again.
Rey is on the brink of collapse, she’s narrowly avoided a collision, one that would’ve imploded her world as she knew it. Now, she’s blushing. She can’t deal with this. Just thinking about sex was fine enough, but having to deal with the stupid fucking feelings she has for him? That’s a bit much. Her brain needs to back the fuck up and sit down. “My turn to ask Rose a question now,” she mutters, just wanting to move on from the brief, internal humiliation as she crawls over to their still smirking friend, and thinks of something to whisper in her ear. “When was the last time… you got laid?”
“Oh fuck you,” she breathes, but she’s laughing as she says, “Two years ago.”
Rey holds out her hand to Kaydel, waiting for the penny to be placed in her palm before she flips it, watching it spin thrice in the air. She doesn’t need to slap it down for it to land flat on her forearm, bearing proud the symbol of the Lincoln memorial for all to see.
A second question will remain a secret.
“You got lucky this time, dickhead.” Then her friend takes the penny from her hand, and turns her sights on the man beside her.
Affection warms her heart as her friend leans over to Ben, the changed subject a welcome distraction from the warring emotions in her chest. It’s like breaking the surface of a pool after she’s become desperate for air, after she’s held her breath for too long. Relief floods her veins, her heart rate begins to slow down, and a sense of calm and piece begins to wash over her until—
“Rey.”
Her name is whispered softly, almost reverently, like it’s something sinful and yet holy at the same time. It’s low, deep, and borderline sensual, and it’s come from Ben’s mouth. Right now, those full lips are parted, seeming somehow pinker than usual in the low light as he lets his jaw hang open in the aftermath of his response to whatever question their friend has asked him.
Shock. He’s in shock, as if he can’t quite believe what came out of his mouth either, which makes her desperate to know what the hell it was Rose said that’s made him react like this. Unlike her, his cheeks do turn pink at the thought of whatever it is, and with a nervous chuckle, he looks up at the ceiling. “Rey.”
The ambiance in the room fills with the sound of several low, inquisitive hums. Her voice saying his name echoes in the back of her mind, as does the knowledge that when they play this game—a tradition at their Friday night get together—when they play Paranoia, they always veer into a sexual and romantic territory with the questions. Kaydel had asked her who she thought about having sex with, so what has Rose just asked Ben?
A slightly worried giggle leaves the asker’s mouth, then she looks down at the penny. “Moment of truth.” And before he can protest, she tosses it in the air, all of them watching it spin in slow motion.
For several seconds, the coin shows its heads and tails sides, and as she looks at her friend, she can almost hear his heart beating. It’s a beat which only races faster and faster, until finally the coin lands in their friend’s open palm.
Though the sixteenth president of the United States does not face upward on the penny, she feels as if he’s staring them all down when it lands on a damning, obvious heads. It’s almost terrifying to look at for her—she can only imagine what it’s like for Ben, who now must reveal a question whose answer is her name.
“Oh shit,” Rose whispers, then she looks at the others. “Maybe we should give him a minute.”
The faintest hints of a smirk tug on the edges of Kaydel’s mouth, then she nods. “I agree. We’ll be back in a second.” Together, she and the others proceed to push themselves to their feet, a confused Rey and Ben following suit. “You two stay here.”
“Ben can tell you the question.”
Her eyebrows furrow as the other four begin to make their way from the room. “What question?”
None of them say anything, they just head into another corner of the apartment—Rey’s apartment, hilariously enough—likely her guest bedroom, and leave her alone with him. Now her heart is pounding, and this time, she’s certain she can hear it. Every single beat is impossibly loud and feels as if it’s leading into something inevitable, which could be a thing as simple as her next heartbeat or something vastly more complicated.
The man left standing in the room with her is white as a sheet. Every inch of his skin has gone pale, illuminating the moles on his face and the redness of his lips as he opens and closes his mouth like a grouper fish. “I…”
“What did they mean? Why did they leave us alone?”
Now his cheeks are regaining some of their color, his body starting to unfreeze as he steps toward her. “I have to tell you the question, and it’s kind of personal.”
“Why did Rose ask it then?”
“Cause I think she knew I was okay with taking a risk.”
A risk? Fuck, now she’s properly frightened. What could possibly be so bad that he considers it a risk? “And that would be?”
His tongue comes out to wet his lower lip, drawing her attention to the shine it leaves behind, to the way it makes those stupid lips look more tempting than ever. “Do you trust me?” The way he says it is soft and impossibly gentle, his voice dipping low into a whisper, as if he’s afraid that their friends in the other room can still hear them.
Odds are, that’s true.
She scoffs. “What sort of a question is that? Of course I trust you. We’re friends.”
“Yeah but we’ve mostly just been work friends so—“
“Okay, okay, but we’re not just work friends now so get on with it, you moron,” she tells him, hoping the name calling makes him laugh.
It does, and the laughter is followed by a nervous sweep of his hand through the raven waves of his hair, which tumble down the sides of his face as it falls back to his side. “All right then, because I think it’d be better if I showed you what she asked me.”
“Do it then.”
Lord have mercy, he shows her. Before she can say anything else, Ben reaches forward, tugging on her hand until she stumbles almost directly into him. Luckily he catches her just before she can, his palm coming up to cradle her cheek as his lips come down to meet hers.
Oh. Oh. This is what Rose asked him. Maybe she can’t quite parse the exact phrasing, but she bets it was something along the lines of who he wants to kiss the most in their friend group. This is his answer, she is his answer. Rey, he’d said—sweetly, lovingly in hindsight. Her name on his lips had been a blessed sound, and now she knows why.
It’s all in the way he kisses her, like he can’t get enough, like he already misses her even though they have yet to part and they’ve never done this before. Every stroke of his lips against hers matches her actions beat for beat as she kisses him back, a song that’s sung in perfect harmony, a chorus yelling Hallelujah at the top of their lungs. The beat of it belongs to the fire crackling in the background, the fire that’s been stoked to life inside of her as her arms wrap around his shoulders and she holds him close.
As she lets him know that he’s the answer to her question, too.
Smiles break out on their faces as they pull away, Ben’s eyes searching hers for something he’s already found through touch. “What was your question?” he asks, his voice a little higher in pitch now that he’s panting. “Can you tell me?”
“You tell me first. My penny said tails.”
“You’re joking. I just showed you.”
She nods. “Yeah, but I want to hear it. I’ve been waiting, you know.”
His eyelids flutter, that smile growing a little wider as one of his palms spreads out over the small of her back, pulling her flush against him. “Really?”
“Yes, stupid. It started a while ago. So tell me, what was your question?”
“How long ago?”
“Ben—“
“How long?” he insists, and god, she can’t resist him when he gives her a look that could rival the innocence of a golden retriever puppy. “Please?”
“A few months. Once we started hanging out as friends friends and not work friends, I started to see another side of you, and I… I realized I liked it.” Her smile twitches, then she sighs, rocking back on her feet. “So come on, tell me.”
Humming softly to himself, he sighs. “She asked me who I wanted to kiss the most, and I knew there was only one answer.” A chuckle. “I think she knew it, too.”
Another smile passed between them, then Rey swallows. “Do you want to know my question?”
“Of course.”
“Kay asked me who I thought about having sex with. Well, if I ever thought about having sex with anyone here, and yeah, the answer was you.” Certain she’s blushing, she looks to the floor, hoping he’ll accept the answer and move on, but then his big palms cradle her face, and she’s looking up into those big, brown eyes. “What are you—?”
“I don’t suppose you’d want to show me that, too?” he asks, a shit-eating grin bright on his face.
The blush grows hotter. “We’d have to clear the apartment.”
“I’m okay with that if you are.”
“I am.”
“Or we can go to your place instead and leave them here.”
“Oh, I like that so much better,” he says, then he’s tugging on her hand again, both of them giggling quietly as they leave the apartment as quietly as they can manage. Rey trusts their friends, they can be in her place alone, and besides, they might not even realize she’s left.
They could be there all night, and the best thing about that is she—hopefully—won’t find out until morning.