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Nicole dreaded the idea of coming out to an entire school again. It's not that things in California were bad since coming out, they were great actually, but the drama she went through the first time encompassed her whole sophomore year. Things finally went back to normal her junior year and she didn’t want to waste her last year of high school dealing with the stress of coming out. At least now her parents knew she was a lesbian, and she wouldn’t have to worry about coming out to them again. They were, for the most part, accepting. After falling out of the closet, trying to go back in, and being pulled back out, Nicole and her family had an understanding that Nicole was a lesbian and it was okay, just not talked about often. Honestly, she was okay with not talking about it because it was still an awkward topic of conversation. Nicole's parents loved her and she knew that, but they weren't the type of family to have deep conversations and get personal about things.
Maybe coming out to people she had never met would be easier than when she told the people she had known her whole life. Maybe if she was upfront about everything in the beginning, she wouldn't really need to come out; she would simply present as her queer self. She hoped her subtle cues of androgynous style, cologne, “I Love Boobies!” bracelet, and rainbow flag in her Instagram bio would tell people without actually having to do it herself. Obviously, stereotypes are not always true and lesbians don’t have a defining look, but in this case, Nicole hoped to be stereotyped.
The part about moving that worried Nicole the most was the culture shock of going from liberal California to conservative Texas. The world was becoming more progressive and accepting, but Texas seemed like a world of its own. Nicole was stunned by the obscene billboards they passed by while travelling to her new home: “Have you read my book? There will be a test. – Jesus”, “Love your babies… born & unborn”, and the one that scared her the most “Marriage = 1 Man + 1 Woman”. She tried putting the billboards to the back of her mind in order to keep her from going back in the closet. She had no interest in returning to hiding her life after being out for nearly two years. Despite her fears, Nicole went into her situation with an open mind in hopes of making the best of her senior year and her new school.
Nicole was popular at her old school. She was always surrounded by friends, she was the star of the soccer team, and even the kicker for the football team. All of the time she spent playing soccer for three different teams while growing up gave her a strong leg with great aim. What started out as a dare to try out for the football team her freshman year developed into a passion. She quickly fell in love with the game and it became the highlight of every year. She had been looking forward to kicking for her school's varsity team for the fourth year in a row, now wondering if she would get to play at all. She wasn't sure if she would even be allowed to try out for the team in a town where there were set gender roles: boys were football players and girls were cheerleaders, but that wouldn't stop her from trying.
Nicole grunted “ten” as she pushed the bar up from her chest and placed it on the rack. Sitting with elbows on her knees she wiped at her brow, sweat falling down her face from the heat and lack of air circulating in the makeshift gym in the garage. Football try-outs were a week away and she had been working out every day twice a day for the past two weeks since her family moved into their new home in Purgatory, Texas. A town small enough to have only one high school, but big enough to have a Wal-Mart. Nicole was used to her loud and busy city life but was finding comfort in the quiet small town she would now call home.
Her family was able to settle in fairly easy with how friendly everyone in town had been, alleviating some of her initial fears. Granted, no one knew about her sexuality yet, but she was trying to be positive. She found it impossible to go anywhere without being waved at by a stranger or getting asked “Are y’all new to town? Welcome!”. It was different than anything she was used to, but charming.
The kindness of everyone in town gave her hope when it came to making new friends. Since school didn't start for another two weeks she hadn’t met anyone her age until that morning when she finally met her neighbor Chrissy who just got back from a cheer camp the day before. It was a short meeting because she was in a hurry to get somewhere, but she seemed nice and a good contender for a friend.
Nicole stood from the bench to continue with her scheduled workout: warm up, kicking, strength training, and cardio. She secured her phone to her arm as she pressed her headphones into her ears blasting an upbeat song. She slicked her sweaty red hair back from her face, readjusting her half up ponytail and securing her black headband to tame the rest of her hair that sat about an inch above her shoulders.
She took off down her driveway and went on the same four mile run she had gone on every day since she moved there. Her route took her through surrounding neighborhoods where she received a handful of waves and smiles and brought her to the two-mile turn-around point, the high school. The high school was a large building with two levels that looked recently renovated with mostly windows. Although the school was nice, it was nothing compared to the football field that sat next to it. To Nicole it seemed uncharacteristic of a high school football field and resembled a college stadium, but this is Texas, where football is a way of life.
Seeing the football field every day further motivated her to push herself in her training. Nicole’s mental strength never faltered, and it was easy for her to slip into the mindset of mind over matter, pushing past the pain. Testing her physical boundaries was something she did often as she focused her mind on success, visualizing her victories. Nothing could break her focus. Well, typically. Her eyes drifted to the group of cheerleaders practicing next to the field as she ran by, eyes landing on the most beautiful girl she had ever seen. She slowed her pace in order to continue staring at the girl with long wavy brown hair, taking mental notes of her toned figure, sparkling eyes and captivating smile. She couldn’t look away and felt a rush when the brunette locked eyes with her. Nicole smiled at the girl who in return gave her a shy smile that quickly turned to a grimace. Nicole didn’t have time to think about it further as she ran straight into a building, smacking her head and falling backwards.
Nicole groaned an “ouch” as she continued to lay on the ground with her eyes closed, fearful of what she would see when she opened them.
“Young lady are you okay?”, she heard the voice of a man approaching her. She opened her eyes as she rubbed her forehead but didn’t dare glance back towards the other girl for fear of dying from embarrassment. Nicole looked up at the man who was now reaching a hand down to her. He appeared to be in his forties with a baseball cap covering short black hair and sporting a polo shirt with the Purgatory High Blue Devils logo above the words ‘Coach Earp’. Nicole instantly recognized the name due to his status of ‘town celebrity’. The high school football coach. She internally kicked herself for her horrible first impression.
“Yeah, I think I’m okay. That building came out of nowhere.” Nicole said with a laugh as she grabbed the man’s hand. “Thank you” she finished.
The man laughed with her. “You’re welcome”
“Coach Earp..” Nicole said pointing out his shirt, “You’re the football coach, right?”
“I am. Looking forward to leading those boys to victory this season. We’ve been robbed the last 3 seasons of a champion title, but I’ve got a good feeling about this year.”
“Boys, right… Sir, I know you don’t know me, and this may seem forward, but I just moved here, and I would like to try out for your team.” The confident front that Nicole normally put out was close to cracking from a combination of the embarrassment from the fall and the vulnerable position she was currently in.
The man looked shocked and chuckled, “The football team? I think you hit your head a little too hard”
Nicole’s shoulders dropped a little, “I played at my old school, I have a lot of experience, and a great record” She said a little desperate.
“I don’t know where you came from, but the boys around here will eat you alive. I’m sorry, but I can’t be held responsible for a girl getting hurt.”
Nicole shook her head “I’m a kicker, I wouldn’t be getting tackled.” Nicole was scrambling, trying to change his mind “I’m a hard worker and my field goal percentage is 91.”
The coach stared at her with a blank expression. “You’re a kicker?” he pondered.
“Yes, sir” Nicole came back confidently.
“91%?” The coach asked, interest now piqued.
“Yes, sir” Nicole repeated with a smile.
“What’s your name?”
“Nicole. Nicole Haught, sir.”
“Nicole, I have never had a girl on my team before. The thought has never crossed my mind. Thinking about it now, I could be the laughingstock of the district if I had a girl on my team. I could get a lot of kick back from my boys and the parents. It could cause a lot of problems for me.”
Nicole nodded with sad eyes and her lips in a straight line, “I understand”.
“But you know what I hate more than a bruised ego and upset parents?” The coach continued.
Nicole just started at him
“Losing” he answered “and if my kicker has a 91% field goal average and helps my team win football games, I don’t care if that person is a girl or a boy. I’ll tell you what. You can try out. If you’re the best kicker at the try-out then the position should be yours.”
Nicole’s face lit up with a smile and shock as she reached out to forcefully shake the coach’s hand. “Thank you so much sir. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this opportunity”
“I hope I don’t regret it, but if it was one of my girls trying to reach a goal, I wouldn’t want anyone standing in their way.”
“You won’t regret this sir, thank you again” Nicole beamed.
The coach smiled softly “It was a pleasure to meet you Miss Haught, I’ll see you in a week.” As he motioned to tip his baseball cap, he turned to walk into a nearby building.
Nicole tried to keep her cool and not let what she was feeling inside show on the outside by jumping and screaming with joy. She couldn’t handle any more embarrassment for the day. Buzzing with excitement she readied herself to run home. She nervously bit her lip as she turned around, ready to face the cheerleaders who just saw her face plant into the building but was relieved to see that the girls were gone. Nicole started her run home visualizing her success at the tryout while smiling at the frequent thoughts of the cheerleader came into her mind. Nicole never anticipated finding a love interest in Purgatory, Texas, but having an unrequited crush could be fun and harmless.