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Another morning of a busy day, Sunghoon starts to think he’s already numb about waking up in a hurry with a loud thud from his head bumping into the ceiling that follows. He winced a bit before finally running his fingers through his disheveled hair. They keep on sticking out, the hair. That was Jake’s playful voice greeting him for the first time. His eyes fell to that slightly giggly face of his best friend who is also preparing himself to join his online class.
“Wake up, Sunghoon. The manager keeps asking if you’ve taken a bath.” Jay who just came in from the living room opened the door in a silent manner to not wake up the other members who are still in a deep slumber.
Sunghoon just answered it with a light nod before starting to move out of his bed, heading to the bathroom. He saw some of the bunk beds are already empty. Jungwon might have gone to school early since he said it’s the start of his exam week, Jay is maybe eating his breakfast by now, Jake is already sitting in the living room’s sofa with a laptop sitting on his lap ready to start his online class, and then Heeseung and Ni-ki, they’re the ones Jay didn’t want to disturb the sleep earlier, lastly Sunoo..
His head roams around looking for the other boy. He looks into their closet room and to the living room but no signal of his existence he gets. When he decided to just give up looking for the said boy and go straight to the bathroom, he finally heard it. The bright tone from the other’s voice while telling stories to his breakfast-mate, Jay, in the kitchen’s dining table.
“Hurry up, sleepy head.” Jay shouted, which then stopped the other boy from rambling. The other boy seemed hesitant to turn his head to see his 6 months older team-mate who got scolded by the boy in front of him, and Sunghoon noticed it. He doesn’t even know why he can easily notice everything about that boy, like a click in the head and that’s when he sees every detail the boy shows.
“Sunoo-ya, you aren’t going to school?” Sunghoon asked. It’s the urge to do everything to hear the voice of the other responding to him, it’s always been like that as if it will keep him awake at night if it’s not for the exact voice of Kim Sunoo.
“We are all waiting for you, dumbass. Go wash up!” and that was still Jay.
Since then, He spends his day wondering.
The raven haired boy finally landed his feet on the dorm again after a long day of school with a plastic bag full of snacks in his right hand. Putting his backpack on the sofa, he then starts approaching the main bedroom door, willing to deliver the snacks to a certain person who made his day a bit uneasy one. When he found out that the door was already slightly opened, he paused his step after hearing a little chit chat coming from the top bunk bed that belongs to Sunoo.
“So you’re really avoiding Sunghoon-hyung?” The first question coming out from the one who seems like Jungwon was already a great punch to his ribs. He took the act of the younger lightly earlier. He just went through his day with a light wonder and chose to brush off the uneasy feelings thinking everything would be okay the moment he came back home. But it seems like he just denied to think that, in fact, the younger is avoiding him.
“Not.. really.” There it goes, Sunghoon. You messed things up. “And it’s never my intention to do that.. I just..”
“I just feel like he knows well about me. Too well..” Sunoo continued it softly. Sunghoon can’t tell what kind of expression he used in the tone but all he knows is his mind starts to think of the worst.
“..For your liking?” Jungwon tried to encourage Sunoo to finish the words properly but then it's a bit relieving that Sunoo was quick to deny it.
“No.. not that way. You know you’re feeling fascinated whenever you find that someone who knows you well.. And I admit it feels so good, especially when it comes from one of the people you’re close with but it’s just.. It’s like he notices everything. Every single thing. From the knowledge that I’m craving for some foods to the smallest thing I actually don’t think anyone will notice.”
“Like what?” Jungwon intensifies his stare to the older.
“Like.. ah! For example, when we were practicing and it was just so draining for me to the point I hardly memorized anything.. He suddenly came and did random things to me. Sometime it was entertaining but sometime it pissed me off-”
“Like for real FOR REAL?”
“Like for Real. I wanted to kick him out of the room.”
The little laughter fills out the silence of the room but it isn't enough to make Sunghoon stop fidgeting.
“And he did many more, It became countless, and it’s just.. I’m too overwhelmed by it. It makes me think of.. well, I don’t like being seen as a child that needs to be entertained whenever it seems like I look down when I actually just sit and simply keep my mouth shut or the one to mess around with. I don’t know if I see it in a wrong way or stuff but-”
“So you’re not okay with that?”
“No!-”
“Sunoo-hyung, if you keep being like this, we’re going nowhere..”
“I don’t know, Jungwon-ah.”
It’s the way Sunghoon needs time to collect himself from bursting into a mess. It’s the rising anxiety for making the one he cherishes the most feeling uncomfortable and purposely avoiding him. It’s the way Sunghoon wants to dip into a deep blue ocean and never show up ever again in front of the younger boy.
He cares for Sunoo a lot that he wasn't aware of what he just did. Maybe if he treated him like a normal friend, maybe if he just acted like what the younger has expected from him, maybe if he didn’t facilitate his feelings and those kind of acts Sunoo described to strive whenever he thought about the younger, he wouldn’t mess up the thing the other has built. Ever since Sunoo openly told him about the way he wanted to be close to him, he never felt that much excitement bouncing in him. To figure out that there’s someone who actually liked him and confessed that they would like to get close to him is like someone just popped a firework in his night sky. It was overwhelming and he felt really good about that. Someone like him, who never knows how to easily down for a friendship agreement is certainly amused by the act and willing to give all to make sure he doesn’t disappoint the other’s expectation, but look what he did now, and most especially, it’s to Sunoo.
Without him realizing, he’s already out now without the plastic bag he was supposed to deliver to Sunoo.
The day’s getting darker. All the members are already in the dorm by now doing their own routines and some are in the kitchen preparing for dinner. But not for Sunoo who’s now sitting on the living room’s sofa with the plastic bag on his lap. He checked everything. The plastic bag filled with his favorite snacks and a small note in it and the neglected backpack of one of his hyungs that is sitting silently beside him. It hit him, of course, that the older has arrived since God knows when, which more likely since he started the conversation with Jungwon earlier. And typical Park Sunghoon, he knows he decided to go and self-assume the things he only managed to hear which must be a bad thing because God where is he right now?
With a hand clenched into the plastic bag handle, Sunoo stands up and quickly puts his shoes on, ready to head out, and much to his surprise, no one’s there in the dorm notices him go.
He walks in fast-pace to find the older. As much as he knew, the older never had a secret hide-out to go, so he really has no idea where he's heading to now. The sun is setting yet he still finds no sign of the older. To say that he’s worried is an understatement. He starts slowing down his pace to look into each corner. Sometimes he complains about the other not having diverse hair-color for him to easily find him. But right after the low ramble he did earlier, he finally found the taller boy sitting on a swing while facing the sand below him. Cute, he thinks. He thinks it’s cute to see the older looking like that, but he knows his aim is to explain everything beside the things that might (or might not) hurted the other earlier.
Step by step, Sunoo slowly approaches the older. He then shakes the plastic bag a little violently so it gives the other a hint that someone else is here. The moment the older stops the little swing he did, Sunoo is already there sitting on the swing beside him with left hand holding the swing’s handle and the other clenching the plastic bag.
He noticed the way Sunghoon straightened his body on the seat. It’s a bit awkward for both of them after everything that has happened, but Sunoo will make sure to save the moment. He has to.
“Is everyone looking for me?” Sunghoon asked, making the tone sounds as composed as possible.
“No one realized you’re not home, tho. Well, except me.” Sunoo bit his bottom lip for a while. He really hopes he doesn’t mess this up. He needs to get this straight as soon as possible.
“I found out about it, Sunoo, and I’m sorry… for making you feel uncomfortable.” Sunghoon managed to say it in a speed of light when Sunoo should be the one that prevents these words from coming out of the other’s mouth. He feels more bad now.
“Sung-”
“I just couldn’t help it, Sunoo. I care about you a lot, and I thought I do as much as the others, but now that I heard it from you, I think I was wrong.”
“Stop right there, Sunghoon-”
“No, Sunoo. I haven’t finished yet. Let me explain myself first, okay.”
“But you’re wrong for-”
“I know. I know I was and am wrong for whatever I actually feel about you. I might look like a freak to you observing whatever things you did, and I admit that, so I’m sorry. But then, at the end of the day, I realize I kept on doing that because I don’t want to.. lose you. It feels empty when you’re not responding to me. Like I always need to check up on you to feel your presence around me which strangely can calm me down in some ways I can’t explain.” He finally finished his ramble with eyes still pinned into the sand under his feet. He didn’t dare to look up because he knew what he just did. He felt like he wanted to vomit whenever he unconsciously overshared his feelings. He just wants to vanish into thin air.
Silent treatment always makes him feel the worst, but then the next thing he knows is that he already looks up from his feet to meet the flattered look on the younger’s face.
“Honestly… the talks between me and Jungwon earlier made me realize many things. We tried to sort out what was on my mind and the thing you have to know is that I’m never feeling bothered by what you’ve done, if that makes you feel a bit relieved.” He spoke very softly. It’s Sunoo’s thing Sunghoon always admires about.
“I found out about your way to deliver your sympathy towards people, towards me. And looking at what just happened by now, I didn’t know it’s actually on the level where you feel that way. It makes me feel so bad to even get confused about your act when all you did is out of sincerity. I’m so thankful for your sudden confession which surprised and warmed me at the same time. You’re a very nice person, Sunghoon-hyung, and never have I ever regretted my decision to ask you out that day about wanting to get close to you.”
The wind that blows their hair brings the peaceful voice between them. Feels like the flowers are back with their blooming business in its attempt to perfect the streets of spring. Sunoo’s smile looks so beautiful that evening. So beautiful it knocks the hell out of Sunghoon’s lungs. It’s suffocating, but in a good way for now. He feels like crying.
“I like hyung a lot! Also thanks for the sweet words.. Ah! and these snacks too.” Sunoo said followed by a little gesture of lifting up the plastic bag.