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Michael was toxic to Luke. Calum knew it. Calum guessed – in the back of his mind – that Michael was toxic to everyone around him.
“Hey Cal,” Luke was so fucking innocent sometimes that it fucking hurt. Calum sometimes wanted to tell Luke to stay away from Calum’s best friend, because Michael was poison to someone like Luke. Michael was going to destroy Luke.
Instead Calum just looked up from whatever shit he was smoking this time – Michael always got the stuff – and smiled, “Hey Lucas. Want a smoke?”
Luke – like Calum predicted – shook his head, “Nah I’m good,” like every other single time because Luke was a good boy. Calum also knew that if it was Michael asking Luke wouldn’t even hesitate. Luke would do anything Michael asked.
“Michaels upstairs,” Calum tells Luke, whose face lights up at the mention of the red haired boy.
“Thanks Calum.”
The conversation ended. Luke ran upstairs. Calum could hear them fucking 10 minutes later. Obviously.
Calum felt guilty sometimes, because he was the one who became friends with Luke first. He needed help on an assignment, Luke had been at the university library at the same time as Calum and they’d became friends. Calum had liked Luke’s innocence, and his genuine interest in Calum. Luke had liked Calums don’t give a fuck attitude and had thought Calum was one of the most interesting people he’d ever met.
Calum sometimes considered himself crushing on the younger boy. But the whole idea of a relationship between the two was ruined when Calum introduced Luke to Michael.
They were ‘dating’ a week later. At least Calum considered it dating. They fucked a lot and talked all the time about pointless junk and Luke got a lip piercing and Michael got another tattoo that said light. No one bothered commenting on how Luke meant light in Latin.
But they fought a lot. Luke hated Michael’s habits, Luke wanted Michael to take him on dates, and Luke needed Michael to give a shit once in a while.
Calum knew that Michael did. He loved Luke. But it was different from all that sappy shit that books and movies tell you about. The stuff that Luke dreamed about having. Calum saw how Michael – don’t give a fuck Michael Clifford – would glare at anyone who was a little too close to his Luke. Calum saw how Michael actually listened to Luke, how his eyes – normally dull and uninterested – would become focused whenever Luke walked in the room. Calum saw how Michael kissed Luke (they never really cared about privacy), delicate and careful. Calum had described Michael a thousand times in his life, but he had never used the words delicate or careful to do it.
Michael was still toxic. Calum could see it in the way Luke’s bags got bigger, and in the beautiful red-rimmed eyes.
They break up occasionally. Luke always comes back. And for a week or so it will be good. Because the thing about Michael is, he can save someone the same way he kills them.
It’s a dangerous cycle.
“Calum, mate, I’m about to head out to get some dinner. Want to come?” Luke shakes the dark haired boy out of his drug-induced daze.
Calum smiles. He’s used to this. Michael and Luke will have sex, Luke will ask Michael to come outside for a bit, go get some dinner, and they’ll fight on it for a while before Luke gets sick of it and leaves, occasionally asking Calum to come with. “Sure, how’s Mikey?”
Calum can see the sadness, the annoyance and the light fondness in Luke’s eyes as he asks the question. “Fine.”
They go out for dinner and it’s fun and nice and Calum has to stop himself from asking Luke to leave. Not just Calum, but Michael as well. Luke’s so good, so pure and amazing and Calum can see Michael slowly creeping in and killing him.
Calum doesn’t. He doesn’t for the same reason Michael doesn’t (Michael’s not an idiot, he can see the way he’s so fucking bad for Luke). They’re selfish. They both love – need – Luke around. Calum because Luke makes the world just a little bit cleaner, and brighter. He’s become a sort of freshness from the drugs and meaningless sex and barely passing classes.
Michael needs Luke in general. It’s sick, and twisted, but Calum knows that if Luke left for good Michael would as well. Not physically, but he’d cut himself off from the world. Calum hates it, but Michaels slowly killing the one thing that’s saving him.
So Calum doesn’t say anything to Luke. They go there separate ways at the end of the night, with Luke making Calum promise to tell Michael he loves him and that’ll he be over tomorrow after class and Calum making Luke promise to get back to him dorm safely.
And as Luke turns and walks away, Calum waits until Luke’s out of ear shot before muttering – more to himself than anyone else – “For your own good, please stay away.”
It doesn’t really matter though, that Luke never heard it. Calum knows that whatever he says wouldn’t be enough – not in the end – to keep Luke away from Michael. Because Luke made a mistake, he allowed himself to fall for the one thing that was going to kill him.
Calum woke up the next day at around midday. He was pretty sure he missed some lecture. He didn’t really care. Not when he heard the screaming.
“When was the last time you went a day without smoking this shit? When Michael?”
Calum shook his head, this happened regularly. Michael was an ass with an addiction, what did Luke expect. Calum went to get some orange juice.
“I’m fine.”
“This isn’t fine Michael, you have to see that.”
“I’m perfectly capable of seeing that I’m fine Luke, so fuck off.”
Calum heard Luke storming down the stairs before he actually saw him. Calum expected to see Luke look angry, or annoyed, or with tears in his eyes, like the times before. Calum was wrong.
Luke looked defeated. Done. Finished. And Calum knew – he fucking knew – that Michael screwed up big this time. “You okay?” Calum asked casually, even though they both knew that the question was anything but casual.
Luke walked towards the door before stopping. He turned around and looked Calum directly, “I’m fine.”
Calum knew he was wasn’t. “Are you coming back tomorrow?” Luke always came. Even when him and Michael weren’t talking, even when Luke had stormed out the previous day saying that he was never coming back, he still did, sometimes to just sit and read a book because it’s more ‘peaceful’ in their apartment compared to his dorm and others because he wanted to talk with Calum. There’d been talk recently of Luke moving in with the two.
Asking if Luke was coming back tomorrow was an irrelevant question, because no matter what the answer was Luke would be back tomorrow.
“I wish you never introduced me to him Cal. I really do. This whole thing we do, it’s fucking toxic Calum and I can’t do this anymore because I love him and I hate it. And I’m so tired Calum, I’m so fucking tired of this shit, and I wish I could’ve fallen for someone else. But it’s too late because I’m in love – so fucking in love – and it’s killing me. I used to think drug addicts were idiots, weak even – I used to think how could you continue doing something like that – no matter how good it made you feel – when it was killing you – but I think I understand it now. He’s my drug.”
Luke left quickly after that speech.
Calum kind of wanted to cry, not for himself but for Luke. Because Calum knew that this time tomorrow Luke would be around, asking for Michael. And Calum knew that he will just smile and tell Luke which part of the apartment that Michael was hiding in that day (unless – on the rare occasion that Michael actually did go outside to his crappy job at Starbucks or to hang out with his not so nice friends – Michael wasn’t home and Luke will just sit and wait patiently because Luke’s so nice).
Calum didn’t cry, he just sat up, stretched, and went upstairs to share whatever stuff Michael was doing.
Then Luke met Ashton. Calum hated Ashton, and then Calum felt so fucking selfish for hating Ashton because Ashton was kind of nice and he was a good person - something that Luke had a lack of these days.
Luke invited Calum to coffee one day. Calum should’ve known that something was up, Luke hated coffee and only ever went to a coffee shop to see Michael. Ashton – it turned out – loved the damn drink. “Calum, this is Ashton, I met him in my med class.” Oh right, Ashton’s also a little genius who probably cares about his grades and his future (so does Luke, Calum ignores this point).
“Nice to meet you,” Ashton’s polite and everything.
Calum just smiles – a little tight lipped – before turning to Luke, “Michael got another tattoo.”
And just at the mention of Michaels name Luke’s eyes brighten. “Of course he did, idiot,” and Luke sounds so fond. So fucking fond that Calum realizes that Ashton is just a friend – no matter how hard Luke tries, because Luke is utterly gone for Michael.
That’s the thing about poison. It’s a one-way ticket.
Ashton’s alright, Calum decides. Calum see’s how he’s a little in love with Luke. Calum can’t really blame him – everyone’s always a little bit in love with Luke. It kind of sucks how Luke had to fall for someone as crappy as Michael (Calum loves Michael. Like a lot. But Michael’s a terrible human being).
Ashton and Michael hate each other. It might have something to do with how Michael was too high to even remember what his own name was when Luke introduced the two. Calum heard Ashton whisper to Luke as they left, “You deserve someone so much better.”
The worst part was that Ashton wasn’t wrong.
Ashton came over one time, looking for Luke – obviously. “Where is he?”
Calum shrugged, not really caring about Ashton (he also knew that Luke was at the library). “Not sure. Why?”
“Want to hang out,” it was huffed out and Ashton was obviously exhausted. Probably pulled an all nighter.
They sat in silence for a while (Ashton had learnt that Luke always wound up here at some point or another). Ashton broke it. “What’s Michael’s secret?”
Calum – mildly interested – looked up, “What secret?”
“Like how’d he end up with Luke. Is he secretly a millionaire? Does he have a massive dick? What is it?”
Calum laughed a little – he’d thought the same things a couple of times. “Have you ever heard the saying, opposite attract?”
“Yeah, don’t believe in it though.”
“You shouldn’t. But I think that it might have something to do with the two. And you can probably add natural chemistry there as well. Also I’ve heard that Michael’s dick is pretty big.”
“Do you actually have an answer, or are you just going to continue making things up?”
Calum – in all honesty – did have a practical answer. He just didn’t want to share it. “It’s pretty simple. They love each other. Like real, solid love. And when you’ve had this kind of love – now I’m guessing here – I’m pretty sure you can’t go back. It’s like wine. You could really love cheap wine, because it’s all you’ve ever known but then one day you could have this really expensive wine and suddenly-“
“Michael’s going to destroy Luke.”
Ashton says it so cold – so brutally honest – that Calum stops. Calum looks up at Ashton and smiles – a smile full of sadness, and pain, and so much more than what a smile should be, a smile saying something more than what a smile should ever say – “And Luke’s going to let him.”
"Hey Calum. Ashton." Luke brightens up the room. Calum noticed it the first time that Luke ever entered their house.
"Hey Luke, I was wondering if you wanted to help me on that project due on Thursday?"
Calum wanted to laugh at how nervous Ashton sounded (as if Luke would ever deny anyone asking for help) "Sure Ash, just let me say hi to Mike first, okay?"
And as Luke runs upstairs - a look on his face that he only ever gets when Michael's involved - Calum and Ashton share a look of understanding.
They'd never admit it to anyone - never say it out loud - but they were both in love with someone who was dying. And the worst part, they would both do anything to save him - but the one thing that might actually work, would destroy him.
Because Luke Hemming's was an addict. And Michael Clifford was his drug.