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Hailey hated New Year’s Eve. Usually she stayed home, drinking a few beers by herself and going to sleep before the clock struck midnight. She was okay with this tradition, it was comfortable and familiar. This year was different, though. This was the first year she and Jay would be ringing in the new year as a couple. Two days ago, while Hailey was packing up a few things from her locker, Jay told her that the rest of the squad was planning to go to Molly’s to celebrate, asking her if she wanted to join them. Hailey didn’t have the heart to tell him that she hated the holiday, or the reason why. She reluctantly told him she would go, agreeing to have him pick her up at 8:30.
When the night came, Hailey stood in front of her mirror giving herself a silent pep talk in hopes that she would be able to enjoy herself. Checking herself over once more, Hailey heard a knock on the front door and Jay calling from her entry way a few seconds later, “Hailey, it’s me!” She always loved the sound of his voice and after all this time she still gets butterflies when he enters the room. But tonight, she couldn’t seem to get rid of the edge. She knew tomorrow would be better, so she just had to get through tonight.
“Hey” she says as she meets Jay in the kitchen
Jay’s eyes fall on Hailey, a smile crossing his face, “You look great!” Jay walks to her, his lips meeting hers to say hello.
“Thanks. So do you.” she says in return, forcing a smile to her face.
“You okay?” he asks, sensing that something was wrong.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired.”
“Okay…” he said, not fully believing her. “You ready?” he asks, rubbing his hands up and down her arms.
“Yup.”
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“Do you want a refill?” Jay asks, motioning to the empty beer bottle in front of Hailey that was surrounded by the label that she had ripped off into small pieces.
Giving him a sheepish smile, “No, I’m good. Thanks.”
“Okay” Jay says slowly, putting a hand on Hailey’s back from the seat next to her, rubbing small circles.
As the night went on, Hailey kept mostly to herself, occasionally offering up a small laugh or smile in response to the stories her friends were sharing around her. Usually she loves nights out with her team. It was a chance for them to unwind, laugh together and leave work behind them the best they could. Tonight was different and the team could sense it. Kim asked if she was okay a few minutes earlier, getting a quick response that let her know that whatever was going on, Hailey didn’t want to talk about it.
Hailey stared at the glass bottle in front of her, slowly moving it back and forth between her small hands, causing some of the torn label to fall into her lap. “I’m going to get some water.” she tells the group and she stands and starts making her way towards the bar. Jay watched Hailey walk away, growing more concerned, worried that he may have done something to upset her and that’s why she isn’t herself tonight.
Hailey made her way through the busy bar, carefully pushing her way through the crowd. Dodging a stranger’s elbow, she finds the one small opening in front of the bar, “Can I get a cup of water?” she yells over the noise of the room as she looks up to the clock on the wall.
10:22
Hailey let’s out a sigh, wishing to herself that the night would go quicker so she could be back in the comfort of her own home.
“Here you go.” the bartender says, handing her, her cup of water.
“Thanks.” she replies, as she turns to head back to her table. Making her way through the crowd again, Hailey notices Jay’s stare. She can tell that he’s worried, but she can’t bring herself to tell him what’s really bothering her. She keeps telling herself that tomorrow is a new day, and soon this will be behind her, somewhat. Hailey is almost back to the group when she hears a commotion to her right. Before she can figure out what’s going on, someone stumbles into her, causing her water to spill down the front of her, and the person’s beer joining seconds after. Jay quickly stands up, making sure Hailey is okay. Lifting her gaze to the ceiling, she takes a deep breath, trying not to let her emotions get the best of her. Hailey looks to Jay, feeling tears start to collect. She quickly heads towards the door of the bar, needing to get out of the busy place as fast as possible.
She feels the cold Chicago air hit her face as she takes deep breaths trying to calm herself down. Hailey found a comfort in the cold air. It was familiar; it was home. She closes her eyes and lifts her face to the sky, breathing in the winter air. Hailey suddenly feels a hand on her shoulder, causing her to tense up and spin around.
“Get your hands off me!” she barks, raising her hands to strike the person.
“Whoa, Hailey, it’s me!” Jay says, putting his hands up protectively.
Hailey lets out a shaky breath, bringing her hands to cover her face, turning her back to Jay.
“Hailey, what is going on!? Are you okay?” Jay stares at her, silently pleading with her to talk to him.
Hailey continues to take deep breaths, removing her hands from her face. Trying hard to fight back tears, she turns to face Jay, keeping her gaze to the side. He tilts his head, trying to get Hailey to look at him.”Talk to me. Please. You haven’t been yourself all night, so something’s obviously going on.”
Hailey sucks in a breath of cold air, avoiding eye contact still, “It’s nothing. I’m just tired. I didn’t mean to put a damper on the night, I’m sor-“
“Hailey, I can tell when you’re lying to me.” he says, interrupting her.
They stood in silence for a few moments, Hailey eventually lifting her gaze to meet Jay’s eyes. Biting on her bottom lip, Hailey was trying to find the courage to tell him.
“I don’t like New Year’s Eve.” she says, shrugging as her eyes filled with tears.
Jay stays silent, knowing that there is more to It than that. Hailey knew he could tell she wasn’t being completely honest, and he likely wasn’t going to let it go until she told him what was really going on. Waiting for her to tell him more, he hands Hailey her coat and hat that she left at the table. Even though she was finding some comfort in the sting of the cold, she takes them from him, putting them on.
Hailey averted her eyes as she began to speak, “New Year’s Eve is when I was attacked by Booth.” she pauses. “I know it was a long time ago, but every year I can’t help but think about it.” Tears begin spilling from her eyes, “I know it’s been years since it happened and I should have moved past it by now, but I can’t shake it after all of these years.” she finishes as a sob escapes her mouth.
Jay walks towards Hailey, pulling her into a hug. “I am so sorry, Hailey, I should have known. You’re okay, I’ve got you.” he says as Hailey begins to cry into his chest.
“It makes me so mad that he still has this hold on me. I’m stronger than this, Jay.”
“This has nothing to do with how strong you are. You have every right to feel this way, especially tonight.”
Jay and Hailey stand there for a few moments in silence, Hailey keeping her face buried safely into Jay’s chest, him holding her tightly, letting her know that she was safe and he wasn’t going to let anything happen to her.
“Come on, let’s get out of here.” he says, squeezing her tighter.
Hailey pulls away from him, her face red and stained with tears. “No, I don’t want to ruin your night. You stay and you can meet me at my place when you’re done.” she says as fresh tears spill from her eyes.
“No way,” pulling her back into him, “I’m going to take us back to your place and we’re going to ring in the new year, just the two of us.”
Hailey looks up at Jay, seeing love radiating from his eyes. Hailey’s bottom lip quivers, “Are you sure?”
Leaning forward to kiss her forehead, Jay whispers against her “Let’s go.”
Jay removed his lips from Hailey’s skin, grabbing her hand as they walk towards his truck. Hailey lifted Jay’s hand in her’s, wrapping his arm around her shoulder, allowing Jay to pull her closer to him and kiss the top of her head.
“And by the way, you’re the strongest person I know.” he says as they reach his truck. He opens the passenger’s side door for Hailey, stopping her to catch her face in his hands, placing a kiss on her lips. “I love you, Hailey.”
“I love you, too,”