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halfway through their 8th grade year, jaemin and jeno finally become friends. they had always been aware of each other, in the vague, far apart sort of way. they grew up going through the same school district, always close but just missing one another. they shared friendly words and the passing glances used for aquaintances. however, during the first semester of their 8th grade year, they shared a science class. it was not the first class they had ever had together, just the first one where they were sat next to one another, forced to work in a pair on whatever juvenile assignment was given to them that day.
slowly, thoughout that first semester, they became more friendly with one another. moving on from friendly nods in the hallway to a wave and a smile when they passed by each other. still, neither jeno nor jaemin had ever considered what they had to be anything more than the friendship you grow with someone when you go to school with them. you become close through the class you share but never really develop past that. you don’t see one another outside of school and once your shared time is expired, so is your friendship.
that isn’t to say that jaemin didn’t have a bit of a crush on the other boy. it was an innocent crush, one that jaemin didn’t expect to go anywhere. they were both still in their gangly middle school phases, not in any way ready for a relationship of any sort. besides, jaemin didn’t think jeno felt the same way. growing up in a smallish midwestern town in the middle of america, there wasn’t much exposure to gay people to be had. jaemin only knew that boys could like other boys because of his cousin, taeyong, who sometimes came to family holidays.
jaemin kind of looked up to taeyong, but he would never admit it. taeyong was everything he wanted to be. he was in college studying art and dance, he wore flashy jewlery, and he didn’t seem to care that his family wanted to ignore the fact that he was gay. he wore his sexuality proudly, never shying away from talking about his boyfriend or being himself in front of people that didn’t respect him.
jaemin had never thought much about his own sexuality. he thought girls were pretty, but he also thought boys looked nice too. however, he hadn’t ever sustained a real crush on anyone yet. before jeno, that is.
after forming a friendship with jeno in that 8th grade science class, jaemin for the first time knew what people were talking about when they spoke about butterflies in their tummy or that heart race you got when you passed by them unexpectedly in the hallway. he didn’t realize what was happening at first. all he knew was that he liked talking to jeno in class. he knew that he liked the way jeno would smile at him when he said something funny, or the way that jeno would compliment his hair after he got a haircut.
even after realizing that his feelings were that of a crush, jaemin didn’t think of doing anything to tell jeno about it. he knew that jeno might not be gay, be okay with gay people, or even know what being gay meant. and he wasn’t ready to be the one to bring that conversation up with jeno. he didn’t even know if he wanted to start that conversation with himself yet. besides, it was just a silly crush. he wouldn’t remember it by this time next year and him and jeno probably wouldn’t even still be friends.
as the semester drug on however, jaemin was finding it harder to come to terms with the fact that his and jeno’s friendship might have an expiration date. he didn’t want to be in a different science class next semester, sitting next to a different boy, forming new jokes and new friendships. he wanted to stay friends with jeno and not be restricted to school hours to explore their friendship.
he had decided to begin broaching the idea of hanging out sometime after school with jeno at the beginning of november. there were only about 2 months left of the semester and he knew he was running out of time. in theory, it shouldn’t have been that hard. it was the natural next step, as he and jeno had already eaten lunch in the cafeteria together a few times if jeno’s normal friends were gone, and they even waited on the bleachers together after school while they waited for their parents to come pick them up. all he would have to do is suggest that jeno come over and play his playstation, or he could come over and they could work on science homework together.
although he had the plan formulated in his head, jaemin found it harder to actually put those plans into action. everytime he would get jeno alone and think about bringing it up, he would imagine what would happen if jeno said no. he imagined jeno’s kind face twisting up in confusion, and then shifting to feigned sadness as he would say, “oh sorry, i think im busy that day..” and then move on to slowly never talk to jaemin again. even though jeno was a kind person and jaemin could hardly imagine him doing something like that, the thought of it was enough to hold jaemin back.
on the day before thanksgiving break, jaemin had all but given up. he had come to terms with the fact that he would never get up the nerve to ask jeno to hang out and would never be more than school time aquaintances.
jaemin and jeno were sitting on the bleachers after school waiting for their moms to come pick them up. they were talking about their families plans for the thanksgiving holiday. jaemin was explaining how excited he was for taeyong to come in town, leaving out the part about him being gay (not that he was ashamed of it, just because he wasn’t ready to answer any questions that jeno might have for him.)
“he sounds awesome, jaemin! do you think he would wanna talk to me about dance? i’m kind of thinking about joining the dance club in high school but i wasn’t sure. do you think he might be able to give me some advice?” jeno shyly asked. jaemin didn’t know that he wanted to continue dancing in high school. he knew that jeno was in a dance club outside of school, but he had never given it much thought beyond that. “uh, yeah. he probably could.” jaemin tried to say as casually as possible. if jaemin didn’t know any better, he would think that jeno was asking to see him outside of school. granted, it was only to talk to his cousin, but jaemin wanted to savor his little victories.
“cool! what are you doing on saturday? will he still be in town then?” jeno asked excitedly. jaemin fidgeted with the straps on his backpack as he replied, “yeah, he will be. do you wanna come over? you can talk to him and then we can play video games or something.” he nervously asked. jeno’s face lights up and he does the really cute eye smile that makes jaemin blush. “sure, sounds like fun! can i have my mom drop me off at like 1? she can come pick me up too.” jaemin nodded and gives him his moms phone number so that their parents can talk it over first. jeno’s parents only let him go over to people’s houses if they know their parents first, he explained.
with that, jeno starts to talk about his dance club he’s part of and all of the things he wants to ask taeyong. jaemin half tunes him out, his mind still racing from all that had just happened. in the span of about 5 minutes jeno had managed to do what jaemin had been trying to do for almost a month. while his mind was going at high speed he hadn’t even noticed that light snow flurries had begun to fall. he also hadn’t realized how cold it was getting, sitting outside on hard metal bleachers.
jaemin breathed out hot air onto his hands, trying to warm them up while he listened to jeno talk. jeno took note of jaemin’s action and quickly pulled out his gloves. “are your hands cold? you can borrow my gloves if you need.” he kindly held the pair of gloves out to jaemin. “no it’s okay! and besides, then your hands would get cold too…” jaemin pushed the gloves back towards jeno, insisting that his cold hands will survive. jeno wasn’t convinced. “here, you take one and i’ll take the other. we can put our other hands in our pockets and hope for the best.” jeno teased as he held one of the gloves out to jaemin. jaemin couldn’t think of anyway to politely decline him so he took the glove that was being offered and slipped it on. “thank you, jeno” he quietly whispered, watching the hot air coming from his mouth form a cloud in the cold air on the bleachers. “no problem, jaemin.” he replies, with a voice as sweet and kind as anything jaemin had ever heard.
in that moment, jaemin thinks that maybe he could be with jeno for the rest of his life. something inside of him just settles into the moment he shares with jeno and he feels more at peace than he ever had with any of his other friends. before he could have anymore sappy thoughts, jaemin heard his mother honk the horn of her car, calling him to go home.
jaemin hurridly gets up and says a quick goodbye to jeno, being sure to hide the blush on his cheeks. he runs to the car as fast as he can, not wanting to make his mom wait, but also wanting to get away from the strong feelings he was having as fast as possible. but at the same time, he couldn’t wait to see jeno again on saturday. even if it was just to talk to his cousin and play playstation. as he gets into his mother’s car, his heart racing and his mind going a mile a minute, he realizes that he forgot to give jeno his glove back.
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3 and a half years later, it’s the summer before their senior year in high school. it’s august and their summer has been filled with lazy days, part time jobs, and running away from the looming threat of college. it’s the last day before school starts again, kicking off their last year of high school. jaemin and jeno decided to spend their last night of summer together, as they had done almost every other night of the summer. they arrived at their old middle school, where they first forged their friendship, about an hour before the sun was scheduled to set.
jaemin, being ever the romantic at heart, wanted to do something special to commemorate their last summer together as high schoolers. he decided that the only thing they could do to make them live out his coming-of-age movie dreams was to climb to the roof of their old school and watch the sun set together. they arrived with bags full of gas station snacks and a blanket to sit on.
“jaem, are you sure this is allowed?” jeno asks nervously as they begin to climb the ladder on the side of the building that led to the roof. “oh it’s absolutely not allowed, jeno. but thats what makes it fun” jaemin shouts down from above jeno on the ladder. jaemin can practically feel the anxiety radiating off of jeno from below him so he continues, “trust me jen, people do this all the time and never get caught. and even if we do get caught, what are they gonna do? i don’t think sitting on a roof is a chargable offense” he says lightheartedly, trying to ease jeno’s fears. “yeah, but entering private property is.” jeno replies flatly, as he follows jaemin up the ladder, throwing his leg over the ledge of the roof and climbing over to land on the flat surface.
jaemin just cocks his head curiously and chuckles. “and yet here you are, right here with me.” he says as he takes the blanket out of his bag and lies it down. jaemin sits down, stretching his legs and pats the spot next to him. “come on jen, live a little. we don’t have that much time before we are stuffy old people working in stuffy little cubicles just dreaming about the youth that we once had.” jaemin reclines back, facing the sky as jeno takes the spot next to him.
“first of all, i don’t think you would be caught dead in an office job, jaemin. and second, we are 17 years old. we still have some time before we are stuffy and old.” jeno replies, resting his head on his arms. “fair enough, lee jeno. but we are still doing this. think of how cool this will sound in my memoir.” jaemin laughs as he pulls out a bag of chips and a coke from the bag full of snacks. jeno reaches out to steal a handful of chips from the bag as he nods in agreement. “i suppose you’re right. we only live once, right?”
“right you are, jeno. we only have one more year of high school together before we go out into the world and you become a stuffy old man and i become someone worth writing a memoir about.” jaemin exclaims proudly before he takes a swig of his coke. jeno goes silent for a moment. after a beat he speaks again. “jaem, do you think we’ll still be friends after high school?” he asks quietly, not looking at the other boy.
jaemin stops eating. he sits up and looks at jeno, who still won’t meet his gaze. “what the hell are you talking about, jeno. of course we will be.” he replies, almost angrily. jeno finally looks over at jaemin. “is it that hard to imagine? as you said, i’m gonna be a stuffy old man working in some boring job and you’re gonna be… well you’re gonna be jaemin.”
in the years since they had first become friends, jaemin had come out of his shell and into his own. he gave up his parents dreams of being a doctor and realized that his true passion was in photography and filmmaking. jeno had changed too, he still loved dance and planned to do it in some capacity for the rest of his life, but he had new goals of studying journalism in school and working at a news company.
that by no means meant that jeno was boring, jaemin thought. it had become a joke to poke fun at jeno for being a goody two shoes, but jaemin had never once thought jeno was boring. in fact, jaemin wouldn’t want to spend time with anybody else. jeno was the perfect match to jaemin’s everything. where jaemin was boisterous, jeno was quiet, and where jaemin was made of rough edges, jeno was all round curves.
in the years since that fateful science class, jaemin and jeno had learned to read one another and balance each other subconsiously. jeno knew when jaemin wasn’t feeling himself and would cover his back and jaemin knew when jeno was feeling stressed out and overwhelmed and would soothe him in a way that only he knew how to do. on days when jaemin just couldn’t find it in himself to put on his fun, extroverted side for other people, jeno knew better than to wonder why he was being that way, or think that he wasn’t himself, when in reality, sometimes jaemin just didn’t want to be that loud, goofy person all of the time.
“lee jeno. you are not going to become a boring old man, i swear. i will personally make sure that you don’t. you won’t be able to get rid of me. actually, you will wish i would leave you alone.” jaemin says seriously to his friend. jeno just laughs. “i don’t think i will ever wish for that, nana. but thanks, it seriously means a lot to know that you won’t ditch me as soon as you find fancy film school friends.” jeno continues quieter this time, “i’ll always be there for you too.”
at his words, jaemin blushes and looks away. long gone is that middle school crush he had on jeno, choosing instead to be content with the strong friendship they already have. he was happy being jeno’s best friend and as far as he knew, jeno was straight. about half way through their second year in high school jaemin came out to jeno. he had come to terms with the fact that he was bisexual and found it hard to keep it from his best friend. being the kind soul that he is, jeno accepted him easily and told him that nothing would change. jeno was right next to him when he came out to his parents and held him as he cried over his first boyfriend.
but while jaemin was happy with being jeno’s best friend, that didn’t mean that those same middle school butterflies in his stomach didn’t come back when jeno said things like this to him. not knowing what to say back to jeno, jaemin just goes back to lying on his back and looking at the clouds floating through the pink sky. he can see jeno out of the corner of his eye lie back next to him as well. they sit in silence for a few moments, just watching the sky and basking in the last sun of their summer.
“you’re my best friend, jaemin.” jeno says after a long silence. jaemin can feel the weight of his words, knowing that jeno typically forgoes words of affirmation in favor of using his actions to show how he feels. jaemin knows that the other boy must have built up a lot of courage to say those few words in that moment and he can only begin to understand how much meaning lie behind each of them.
the sheer weight of the moment scares jaemin into silence for a moment. in his hesitation he can feel jeno’s hand reach out and touch his. feeling jeno’s hand in his grounds him from his lofty thoughts and reminds him that he is here, right now, with jeno.
as he looks up at the purple-pink sky and watches the clouds pass by them, jaemin clears his mind and lets himself focus on nothing but jeno’s hand in his. he wants nothing more than to capture the way he feels in this moment and save it forever. he wants to look back on this feeling when he is at his lowest and remember that jeno will always be there to pull him back up. he finally opens his mouth to speak, wanting to tell jeno how much he means to him, wanting to articulate the gravity of his feelings to jeno, but the only thing that can leave his mouth is, “you’re my best friend too, jeno.”
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years later when they are both 25, jaemin and jeno attend a wedding. jaemin’s cousin is finally marrying his longterm boyfriend and jaemin and jeno have cleared their weekend to attend their dear friend’s wedding. jaemin always knew that he and jeno were going to be in each other’s lives forever, he just didn’t ever imagine that they would be here, in this moment.
they sit next to each other in a row of chairs watching taeyong read his vows to his soon to be husband, surrounded by family and friends. jeno’s hand is in jaemin’s. he can see jeno beginning to tear up at taeyong’s loving words and jaemin doesn’t think he could be any happier. as soon as the happy couple kisses and begins to walk back down the aisle hand hand jeno turns to him with the same smile from 8th grade science class and pulls jaemin into a bone crushing hug. “i love you, jaemin.” he whispers into his ear quietly. “love you too, jen.” he whispers back, not able to hide his smile.
jaemin and jeno fell into a relationship as easy as they fell into friendship. jaemin can’t even remember when or how it happened, he just knows that somewhere along the line he couldn’t imagine himself being anywhere but jeno’s arms and somehow, luckily, jeno felt the the same. he can still remember the way jeno looked on the cold winter night when he confessed.
they were back in their hometown for the holidays, and jaemin and jeno went back to the playground near jeno’s house where they used to hang out. they were swinging on the swings, kicking the snow up with their boots when jeno spoke up. “i think i love you.” he said calmly. jaemin stopped his swing, confused. “i love you too jeno. what brought this on?” he asked, not understanding what jeno meant. jeno then stopped his swing and looked jaemin dead in the eyes. “no, jaemin, i’m in love with you.”
jaemin’s heart stopped. at the time he hadn’t known or even imagined that jeno felt that way about him. looking back on it he can see clearly that their “friendship” at the time was a lot more than platonic, spending nights in each other’s arms and never lasting long in relationships with other people.”jeno.. do you mean like… like-like?” he asked quietly. jeno looked at him seriously before speaking. “did you just ask me if i like-like you? what is this, middle school?” he laughed out. jaemin couldn’t help but blush. “well, i didn’t know how else to ask! i thought that it would be the best way to get a clear answer..” jaemin sputtered out.
“well then, yes. na jaemin, i like-like you. as in, i want to hold your hand and kiss you and be your boyfriend.” jaemin couldn’t believe jeno’s confidence. he had always thought that if he ever did confess his feelings to jeno, it would be jeno receiving and then awkwardly rejecting him. so to have jeno confidently tell jaemin that he wanted to kiss him had jaemin left speechless. all he could do was sit on his swing with his jaw dropped.
at his silence, some of jeno’s confidence fell. “um, jaemin?” he asked curiously, cocking his head. “it’s okay if you don’t feel the same! we can still be just friends. i just… i couldn’t keep it in anymore.” he finished lamely. hearing jeno think that he might not feel the same snapped jaemin out of his haze. “no! i mean, no, i don’t want to be just friends.” he choked out. “i like-like you too, jeno. i think i have forever.” he finished, looking shyly away from jeno.
he heard jeno’s feet in the snow as they moved closer to him. he felt jeno’s hands grab his as pulled jaemin out of his seat and into a hug. “thank god,” jeno whispered, “i was so scared i would lose you for this.” jaemin just wrapped his arms around jeno’s body and shook his head. “never, jen.” he pulled back and looked the other boy in the eyes. “you could never lose me, not for anything.” at his words jaemin could see a blush rise to jeno’s cheeks. “i love you, jaemin, i really do.” jeno told him truthfully. lacking the words to respond, jaemin just leaned in and did what he had wanted to do for years.
kissing lee jeno felt like returning to a place that he never knew he had left in the first place. it was like the universe fell into place in that exact moment and again jaemin wished he could memorize the feeling he had in that park, being held by jeno. jaemin knew in that moment that what he had thought back in the 8th grade was right, lee jeno would be in his life forever.
after the wedding, as they lie on their bed together, jeno is looking through the pictures from the wedding getting a little misty eyed. “wow jen, the wedding really must’ve gotten you. i haven’t seen you this emotional since when you thought the cat ran away.” jeno playfully pouts at jaemin’s words. “shut up, jaem, that was really scary and you know it. but yes, the wedding did get me emotional, i’ll admit it.” he leans over to show jaemin a particularly good shot of taeyong and his new husband dancing at the wedding. “i’m just so happy for him. i mean, it feels like yesterday we were in high school and taeyong was driving us to the movies and talking about his boyfriend. i’m just happy he finally is happy.”
jaemin admits he feels the same way. seeing his closest friend besides jeno on one of his happiest days made him emotional. jaemin also couldn’t help but imagine what his wedding might look like one day. as if reading his mind jeno spoke up, “hey jaem, i liked the flowers he had at the wedding, how do you feel about those at ours?” he says casually, still scrolling through his camera roll.
jaemin sets his book down. “jeno, was that your way of asking to marry me?” he breathes out. jeno pauses. he looks over at jaemin and laughs. “shit, i guess it was. i didn’t even think of it as i said it.”
“lee jeno! you did not just propose to me in your boxers in our bed.” jaemin shrieks as he swats jeno’s arm. “hey!” jeno chuckles, “don’t worry, jaem. i’ll give you a real proposal, i promise.” jeno smiles as he leans in to kiss jaemin softly.
knowing that he can’t stay mad, jaemin just leans into jeno’s lips and sighs. “fine, you better. i want full theatrics. a choir, doves, the whole nine yards.” jaemin says seriously. jeno just rolls his eyes and laughs. “whatever you say, nana. anything for you.” he says, knowing that jaemin would be content with anything he decided to do. jaemin knows that he would love anything jeno decided to do as well.
they continue with a conversation discussing proper proposals and fall asleep with each other’s names on their lips. that night, jaemin dreams of winter gloves, pink skies, and wedding cake.