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The clock was just slightly ticked to 12.00 AM 1. December but Logan already had God knows how many condoms he could buy at one time all paid and ready to be delivered. He couldn't even wait for the next morning to receive it and started harassing Alex already. But that dense kitten just pushed him away and mumbled some incoherent thing before turned back to sleep peacefully.
God if he wasn't so cute he would just do it right away! Just one morning, be patient Logan, he said to himself.
But at the next morning, things did not happen in the way Logan wanted. The delivery was late, like not 1 hour late but a whole half a day late! Logan was all cursing and swearing, while the poor delivery boy was struggling to handle all those boxes full of different condoms and lubes. The guy was thinking he would give it to sex club, but the address showed a small summer house. That's weird, he thought but still diligently doing his job. When he arrived, Logan was already waiting on the porch:
“What took you so long f*cker!!!”
"My kitten is about to be home any minute and this is a surprise. Now how am I supposed to surprise him when you're this fucking late! It said you would be here this morning but no, it's fucking 2 past 11 you fucker!" -Logan was yelling and throwing all the harshest words he could think of at the delivery boy.
The poor guy was probably carrying 15 boxes of God knows how many types of sexual tools there, lubes, condoms, even some small "entertained" toys. That's probably the reason why he got late. He tried to apologize for the delay as he's the only one delivering at the moment; however, Logan didn't want to hear it and threatened him to hurry up or he'll blow his brains out.
“Now you will help me sort them out, or I will bury you in our garden as a fertilizer” - Logan growled.
"I need this organized perfectly in this room, from the smallest size to the largest, from the thinnest to the thickest. And I need all the lube over here based on, what the fuck is that called... Alphabetical Order. If one thing is out of place, I'm going to put your body to good use, making it fertilizer for our garden. Winter is coming, so it will surely help our plants and flowers that my kitten loves so dearly."
Logan was wearing an apron while swinging a spatula angrily in the other hand everywhere. The delivery boy found that really amusing but he didn't dare to even show a slightest amusement on his face. This man is crazy, he mumbled silently to himself, and then suddenly he noticed something was burning horribly in the kitchen. That was Logan's cooking. He was too caught up in planning the delivery guy's death that he forgot he was cooking Alex's favorite dish.
"Uhmmm sir, do you smell something burning?" - The delivery boy asked sheepishly.
“No!!! Not the pasta!!!!” - Logan suddenly remembered his cooking and now started running to the kitchen.
“How the fuck do you fail at pasta” - The delivery boy thought.
And it accidentally slipped out of his mouth saying that. Logan snapped back instantly from trying to save the dishes and started yelling while still in the kitchen:
"What the fuck did you say fucker?! How the hell are you late delivering condoms, you fucker?!"
The delivery boy, now lost all the patience he had, answered angrily:
“Well I don’t know, maybe if it was not a yearly supply of condoms, sir!!! How the fuck are you even plan on using it?!?! Fuck your woman to, to, to, death!!!”
Logan stormed out of the kitchen, one hand still holding the spatula, but now a gun appeared in his other hand:
"You fucker don't need to know what how I'm going to fuck my kitten, I could fuck him till death if I want! Meanwhile, I'll keep you tied shut and use you as a trash can for our used condoms you fucker!"
The delivery boy started sweating, oh God this crazy man's really gonna kill me. I still want to stay alive!!! Think, just think of something to calm him down! The poor boy was shaking visibly while trying to sputter some saving words:
"How, how about that sir, I will fix the mess you call pasta, and, and in return you will let me go peacefully.”
“You don’t want your “Kitten” to die from food poisoning, right sir.” He started sweating harder and harder, it ran all his face like a car window during a storm.
Logan, now looking at him amused: "Peacefully? What the fuck is that word?"
He said with such joyful tone that it sent right away a chillingness through the delivery boy's spine.
"Besides, you don't know how my kitten likes his food, but I know how I like mine." He walked towards the delivery guy, slow, but steady. Every part of the poor guy was now shaking like a crunchy leaf. And then Logan said:
"I like to cook and eat whoever decides to try to cook for my kitten. I'm the only one who can do it and I'll do it for as long as I live, you fucker."
“Sir, I see you the first time in my life, I don’t care about your sex life!! I already have a girlfriend!!” -The delivery boy was crying out loud, but then he suddenly stopped:
“Sir!!!! Your stove is on fire!!!”
And at that rightful moment, they heard the sound of Alex's car coming in the driveway.....
Logan, panicking on the inside, started cursing:
"Shit! You fucker stay in here and don't make a god damn noise. If you do, I'll chop you up and make you food for the bugs and plants outside!" He quickly slammed the closet door, where he had all the condoms neatly stored, ran to the kitchen and tried to put out the fire before Alex walked in while mumbling:
"Shit shit shit."-Logan thought, I can't let him see all those messes here!
The delivery boy stared at the beauty of a man just appeared before him: slim and toned figure, bright eyes like a sky, golden locks. God, am I dead already? He thought, if not why am I seeing an angel now?
However, the face of the beautiful man quickly became annoyed:
“Logan, for the last damned 10th time, don’t cook!! Don’t ever touch my kitchen!!! In fact, I still have not forgiven you after you ruined our oven”
And suddenly, his annoying switched to enragement:“ You crazy fuck, what have you done to the stove!!!”
“And why do you have a gun in your hand!”
Logan just simply smiled at him while seeing his enraged kitty: "Sorry kitten, I was cooking just fine, in fact I was almost done with your meal but a vermin came over. I had my gun just to simply make them shit their pants babe. No worries! Here, go undress and get comfortable. I'll cook another meal and if I destroy this stove, I'll buy another one. There's no problem with that."
Like a spell, Alex started to calm down:
"No it’s okay, I should be sorry. You tried and I am being unfair too, I’ll help you clean up the mess” - He smiled sweetly.
But the delivery boy couldn’t take it to see such a beautiful angel be devoured by this insane beast. Like a brave penguin, he stormed out of the room and yelled:
“Sir do not be fooled, this man is a sex maniac! He literally has an entire room dedicated to condoms!!!”
Logan's looking at the delivery boy, cursing him in his mind, "You fucker." And then he turned back to Alex, who is looking at Logan with confusion:
"Kitten, it's nothing really. It was actually a gift for you but this fucker just had to go and ruin my surprise. I was thinking the plants outside need to have the fertilizer changed. How about I do that once I've done making you food sweetheart, hm? It will help take one thing off of our "To Do" list and the fertilizer will be for free! There's no better deal!" -Logan said with a cheering voice, but the dead threat in his words couldn't be that easy to ignore.
Realizing it, Alex tried to calm him down:
“Logan, Logan, please. He is still a kid, he is probably 15 or something, let's just talk about this”.
“I’m actually 19 sir.” -The delivery boy said proudly.
“Now you shut the fuck up! I'm saving your life here!!” -Alex responded angrily.
But the delivery boy just continued rambling:
“Why are you with this criminal anyway! He is probably over 30 and he can’t even cook pasta!!”
Logan, who was beginning to gain a headache for the delivery boy, said while still holding his gun tight:
"See, he's an adult so he should take responsibility for his actions kitten." - He then turned to the delivery boy with a smirk and growled:
"I can cook one hell of a pasta but, I might be missing an ingredient that I don't have in stock. I'm sure you have what I need, Mister 19 year old."
The delivery boy ran behind Alex’s back as fast as he could, as he knew he can find only defense there and then continued:
“Sir before we continue maybe you should take a look at the condom room and see what I am warning you about, this man is going to kill you sir! I saw it all!!!”
Logan was now enraged, but he still calmly said: "My kitten is home now from a very tiring morning and I would like to spend some time with him. Now, you fucker get out of my damn house before I blow you to pieces!"
He's pulling Alex to his side and aiming the gun at the delivery boy: "Get the fuck out!!!"
As the delivery boy ran away while picking up his hat at the motion, he screamed back the final insult: “Your apron looks fucking gay!!!” And then ran into the beautiful purple-pink sunset that was starting to crawl all over the sky.
Logan, who's finally satisfied with his leaving yells back while chucking: "That uniform is fucking gay!" -He turned back to Alex with a smirk and leans over to him:
"Thank God he's gone, now I can spend time with my Kitten."
Alex hugged him back, satisfied that none had died in the process, but then curious asked:
“What room was he talking about, I know all the rooms in the houses, no?”
Oh how he was very wrong, Logan just gave him an evil smirk and whispered: "Come on then my little Kitten." - He slowly led Alex to the secret room, and they didn't come out of it till the end of the day.
..................................................
Weeks later
The delivery boy just got the same request from the same home, again.
Du Du Duuuuunnnn.
The end