Work Text:
“You're one off world tourist- alone. You've not made any transmissions off this planet.” Karl was walking beside her, hands shoved in his pockets to protect them from the cold. Bondar was a little too cold for River’s liking, but she had a job to finish.
“You’ve been monitoring me?” It was barely a shock of course, but she acted as if it were. She was a stranger in a small colony that had not seen a tourist in… well.. Ever.
“Of course.I wonder if anyone knows you're here, or even where to look for you. 𝘞𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘳?” Karl sounded all too calm. She didn't trust it. Out on a cold beach in some no name system, she wasn't about to push her luck and get killed like the others. His words ate at her, though. Somewhere deep down in her heart. It was a fear all too close to home for her liking.
“Uh-I- yes! My husband would be furious!” A lie, most likely. Wishful thinking. Honestly, she didn't know much about what he thought of her these days. Things were nice. Domestic even at times, but still more distant than she would have liked.
“He hasn't come on holiday with you. He hasn't contacted you, and you haven't contacted him.”
“That's how it works.”
“ 𝘞𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶? ” River wondered the same herself sometimes. Would she be missed? Would he grieve her? Would he just move on?
“Don't test that theory out…” She cleared her throat, back to the matter at hand. She had a case to finish off, and she wasn't about to be distracted by some man’s questioning.
River was able to finish it off pretty easily in fact. It was a strange case to say the least, but nothing more abnormal than she had seen before. After a few bodies had shown up on the beach, River had found herself a cold colony to help investigate. The Doctor had given her the idea to go visit, and since she was there she couldn't help but lend the local law enforcement a hand. The colony had originated from a colony ship that had crashed into the obscure planet of Bondar. The ship had back up biometric prints saved of all of the crew members, and had replicated them as new beings after they had all lost their lives in the crash. But every time something changed drastically – they aged, or there was a stranger, or the weather changed too much- the ship sent out replacements to kill the old body man live on new because of the “damages' '. It had taken River a little while to figure that all out. It wasn't something you saw every day, but she had wrapped it all up nicely in the end. The issue was no more and the colonists could live on in peace.
Finishing up the case, saying goodbye Karl and the mayor, and packing up had come in quick succession. If she were being honest with herself River wanted to get off that planet as fast as possible. She couldn't tell if it was from the biting cold of the planet or if it was from some of the feelings that had been stirred up earlier in the day.
Karl hadn't known what he was saying when he was talking to her before as they walked along the cold sandy shoreline. Besides, they were trying to avoid getting eaten by deformed creatures. Nonetheless, the little nagging feeling hadn't left her completely.
𝙒𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙖𝙣𝙮𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙢𝙞𝙨𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙞𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙨𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙖𝙧?
As River got settled into her space cruiser and exited the planet’s atmosphere the words reverberated through head. Over and over and over again she wondered if she really would be missed. At this point she wasn't very sure what to think.
She had accepted the fact long time ago that she and her doctor were seemingly going in nearly opposite directions. Lately,they did seem to be on the same page which was a nicety for once. She knew it wouldn't last very long though. She knew something would happen to topple over the small pile of goodness she had begun to amass.
He had been giving her a few missions lately. She didn't know what to think of that either. He could be thinking about her and what she was doing -hoping that she was doing some good for the universe. Or alternatively, he could just be trying to keep her out of his hair. Out of the way, out of reach, so that she wouldn't interfere with what he was doing.
𝙒𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙞𝙨𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪?
Entering deep space once more, River typed her destination coordinates into the system and leaned back in her chair. She stared out of the front window looking at all of the stars and galaxies swirling together now as she went on her way.
She hoped that she would be missed. She hoped she would be remembered. That she had made some sort of meaningful impact on him, because if she had made an impact on him she had made an impact on the universe. And what girl didn't want to make an impact on the whole wide universe? What girl didn't want to be the motivation behind so much good?
What girl didn't want to be missed by the doctor?
But River knew her place.
She knew the Doctor, lord maybe better than anyone else. She doubted that granted her any sort of special treatment. The reason behind their relationship was purely circumstance. This point she figured out that she was mainly a convenience. Talented, and smart, and witty, she got everything accomplished so easily. At least, that's what she wanted him to think. It kept him calling her back whenever he needed help.
And she would always come for him.
Maybe it was useless to trail after him. Maybe it didn't do anybody any good at all. But she was selfish. She would never deny that. She was selfish and she would take any excuse to be at his side. Even if he didnt see things the same way she did.
River ran her hands over her face and slumped back. She was tired, and probably needed to go to sleep, but the thoughts running through her head were too distracting to allow her to do so.
Would he miss River Song? Would he miss what she could do for him? Would he miss the help on adventures gone wrong? Or would he miss the halo of curls around her head and the light of her eyes she smiled, and the way she sounded when he bent her in half and...
Well she hoped it was the latter, but knew it was more likely the former. She doubted he did anything but indulge her, just doing enough to keep her sticking around to help him the next time he needed it. River should be disgusted by herself letting any man treat her like that. She would never even dream of letting anybody else treat her like that. She never would. Never could. But the Doctor was different.
𝙄𝙣 𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙣: 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙖𝙣𝙮𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙢𝙞𝙨𝙨 𝙝𝙞𝙢 𝙞𝙛 𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙨𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙖𝙧?
River knew the answer to that question. So many would miss him. So many would tear the world apart just to find him again. He would thank them for it, and be on his way like he always did. The Doctor was good like that. Making friends. Making people like him. Getting close enough to people that would grant him the ability to have them to miss him.
Galaxies would crumble and die without him there to save them, so of course he would be missed, but she had already been through this. Years ago. A wedding to reset the whole universe. The wedding that started it all. She nearly laughed at the thought, she was so young then. So naive. She wished she still had the awe and wonderment she had back then.. She wished she still believed in unconditional love, but that concept was foreign to her now. She knew better.
𝙒𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙨𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙞𝙨𝙨 𝙝𝙞𝙢?
The answer to that question was so painfully obvious she wondered why she even asked it to herself. Of course she would miss him. She loved him. She loved every part of him despite the fact that should never have been able to. Especially not him. It went against everything she'd ever been taught. But she never had been one to listen to teachers or anyone else.
She would miss him because without him she would be left alone in this great big black hole of a universe, and she didn't know what she would do with herself. Not to say she put all of her value in a man. Without the Doctor to ground her, to call her back to solid ground when she needed it the most, she wasn't sure what she would do then.
She had torn apart the entire universe to ensure that didn't happen once, oh, and she knew she would do it again. Of course she would do it again. She knew herself all too well, and as she had said before- she was so unapologetically selfish. She had loved him so hard and fast back then, she dreaded to think what she would do after that feeling had decades to blossom even further.
Standing up from her spot in the pilot seat with ship stabilizers on the River decided to go through with at least attempting to sleep before she got exceedingly grouchy, or accidentally crashed herself into an oncoming ship. Knowing she would have to meet up with the Doctor for that date she had been promised was also a good reason to get her beauty sleep in.
She ultimately decided to brush the thoughts away from her mind. There was no use dwelling on Karl's words now. He was about half a lightyear back now. Him and the rest of the residents of Bondar would barely give her a second thought now. She knew after a week, a month, a year, she would barely be a thought. They would forget her easily.
Maybe she preferred it that way. Maybe she preferred people not knowing she enjoyed doing good somewhere deep down inside. That she would save people just as easily as she would kill them.
River was stirred from her thoughts by a sharp beeping and a few of the screens on the dashboard lighting up various colours. A distress signal had been picked up from a nearby ship. A time travelling archaeologist’s work was never truly done she supposed. With an all too big smile, she sat right back down in the jumpseat and began changing her course.
The call of her bed would have to wait for her, and so would the Doctor, but she would manage. She always did.