Chapter Text
Something about the blonde catches her attention as soon as she enters the pub. Jamie’s hanging out towards the back, in conversation with one of the other mom’s from Mikey’s school. They’ve had some sort of flirtation happening for most of the school year. Jamie could bring herself to care that she’s married, but this is just fun.
A thing to pass the nights. Nothing will come from the flirtation because she’s no homewrecker. No, she’ll never be that.
Flirty was fun. She needs fun in her life when everything else requires her full attention and commitment. Nothing would come from this and she doesn’t have to worry about putting herself out there.
The blonde is new, she’s never seen her before. Most of everyone in Bly knows everyone else. It’s not big of a town, the next city over is almost 30 minutes drive away.
Jamie doesn’t usually peak an interest in anyone else entering the pub, but this one is different. Her eyes seem not her own as she watches the woman go to the bar and order a drink. Her current companion is already 2 drinks in and already glossy eyed staring into the wall behind her. Knows she’ll call her husband in a few more minutes to pick her up. Knows that this night is ending for her conversation.
She’s watching the blonde intently as she stops at the bar. Jamie can’t get the feeling out of her head that she should know who this person is. It’s on the tip of her tongue why she should connect the dots on this stranger.
The mum across from her leaves to go use the payphone and Jamie makes her move.
She just wants to flirt with someone new, shoot her. Nothing will come from it either. Her responsibility is just above her and keeps her from going further. She won’t bring something into his life. Blonde hair is pushed back into a ponytail that gives Jamie the most beautiful view of this woman’s shoulders. Shoulders that begged to be seen and kissed.
“You new, hmm?” she poises it as a question, but she already knows the answer. The woman in front of her seems a little shocked by her entrance, but the blush on her face tells a different story. Jamie had noticed her staring back to the end of the bar.
“Yeah, I-- just got here last night.”
Jamie hums her understanding, pulling out the stool next to her. “Ah, even an American. You here for holiday?”
Americans coming for holidays was something the town saw ever so often. Bly was old-- old building and roads. Places people came to visit, not to live.
“I got--I have a job here, actually.”
“Not too many places hiring up here.”
“I was in London, but saw an ad in the paper.”
“And you just, what? Decided to up and move from America for a place like Bly?”
“Well, it’s quite beautiful here.”
That’s true. Jamie remembers having the same feeling when she first got to the town. It was infinitely better than London and where she grew up outside a coal mine.
“Lucky us, not everyday you get an American living in Bly.”
She isn’t sure what is so captivating about the blonde and why she’s so drawn in. This was just supposed to be fun, she reminds herself as she pulls her drink to her lips and takes a sip.
“Jamie,” the bartender, Grace, calls out her name and startles her. Her attention shifts quickly from the blonde towards her friend. “He called down.”
Ah, there goes the night.
“Gotta get going, love,” she draws out, reaching over the back of her seat to grab her jacket. “Find me again.”
She doesn’t take another glance back once she’s out the back of the pub. Even though a pull begs her to do so, she won’t look back.
The journey up to their flat is quick and she’s back in her home before a minute has even passed. “Kid?” she says out into the darkness.
“Mum!” The exclamation is not unlike Mikey. The kid has been having a few nightmares on and off since they got to Bly. Grace was kind enough to let him call down if there was any problem when she wasn’t there. The pub was the only place she really got to go other than work because of it. Having a kid in her twenties was something she still was trying to balance. “Mum!” he calls again and she moves, kicks off her boots before heading to his bedroom.
Dirt cakes its way under her nails as she pulls at the ground, trying to get the soil loose enough for her to plant some plants that have been rehabbing in her greenhouse for the first few weeks of spring. It’s early May and Jamie already feels the heat starting to accumulate in the afternoons when she’s out in the sun.
Everything comes back to life at Bly when the new au pair arrives. Spring arises to meet her, her garden growing mad for that first week.
Saturday is when Dani is properly brought into her life.
“Jamie! You must come meet Miss Clayton” Flora calls from the other end of the driveway. The blonde from yesterday at the pub greets her across the driveway. She looks even more beautiful in the sunlight. Jamie knew she had some information missing last night. Should have pieced together the newcomer to Bly was for the manor.
Ah, so this is the new job the blonde was coming for. A job where she takes care of the kids on the same property that Jamie works. The kids are all jitters of excitement over the newcomer. It’s been a long year since Rebecca up and-- no, she shook the thought out of her head. If she got thinking about that fucker, her whole day would be ruined. Flora’s the most excited Jamie can tell from the way she’s light on her feet, prancing from spot to spot. Miles is a bit more reserved, but still a big grin on his face. Hannah is standing on the path as well and offers her a kind smile as she makes her way across the driveway. The new au pair seems more nervous to say hello than she feels. They’ve technically met before, just not like this. Not here when they both had names. Mikey’s running up the path from the backyard when he finally runs into the kids and the new au pair.
Jamie takes the time and puts out her hand as an offering. “Jamie.”
The au pair grabs her hand in a strong handshake. “I’m Dani.”
“I thought-- Henry said there were two children?” the au pair turns and asks Hannah who quickly shakes her head with an “Oh, no.”
Mikey looks to her as if she can give a reasonable explanation but Jamie finds her eyes going back and forth from the au pair to the driveway. There’s just something about the au pair that makes her feel something she hasn’t felt before.
“I’m Mikey!” he exclaims happily. Jamie can’t help but reach over and ruffle his curls.
“Don’t worry about this gremlin, he’ll stay out of your hair.”
“He’s only here in the afternoons and weekends,” Hannah explains with a smile. Half the time, Jamie thinks Hannah is keeping her around because Mikey has woven his way into her heart just like the other two. “He’ll call you Miss Clayton too, isn’t that right?” Hannah asks him. Mikey just nods his approval. Jamie bloody doesn’t know where he’s got these manners from, considering her.
“If he gives you any trouble, I’ll sort him out. Send him to the greenhouse if you lot are busy with something.”
Dani looks at her confused. “Oh, I doubt we’ll have any trouble.”
“ Mum ,” Mikey says exasperated, like she’s embarrassed him.
Dani looks at her even more confused this time, like she’s putting together the pieces of the puzzle that have been missing. “Don’t mum, me,” Jamie says back. “You’ll make yourself scarce when she tells you to, right?”
“Honestly, it’s no bother for him to hang around.”
Jamie has more quips she could throw in, but Mikey is staring up at her and she can’t.
“It’ll be perfectly splendid to have you all around,” Flora adds in. They’re thick as thieves those two. She grabs at Mikey’s hand, pulling him closer. They’re too fucking cute for their own good. The two of them have become closer over the past year, even though he’s closer to Miles’ age than Flora’s.
How in the fucking world had he turned 9? Jamie wonders as she keeps her eyes locked on him.
5 years have passed since she first got him back. And soon he’s going to be a teenager. She’ll have a cry about it later.
“Miss Clayton! You have to see the gardens,” Flora’s still talking.
“After she’s settled in, Flora,” Hannah chimes in. “Let the poor American rest.”
The kids begin to talk and pull the au pair towards the door.
Hannah’s still behind and Jamie asks, “American, hmm?”
Hannah pushes at her shoulder. “Dani, it is.”
“Ahh, I rather like calling her the American.”
“You’ll call her Miss Clayton then?” Hannah teases.
“Bugger off,” Jamie snorts out before she turns and goes back to her gardens.
The American, the au pair, the lady at the bar… Dani . Jamie rather likes that name.
The grounds are always busiest during the first few weeks of spring. Sometimes she wonders why she got into taking care of a grounds this big. When she had first learned how to garden, she always imagined doing something like a florist, working with bouquets and floral arrangements. But this job had been too good to pass up. Get them away from the towns with more questions about where they come from. The Wingraves had been good, honest people who hadn’t minded where she had come from or that she had a kid following her around. They were more than happy to have Mikey around, playing with Flora and Miles. The perfect age match, Charlotte had said when she learned about him. Just a year younger than Miles and a year older than Flora. They made quite a matching set, she had told Jamie the first time they had all plaid together. Mikey’s hair was darker and the curls stood out, but it was easy for him to fit into the family the Wingraves gave them. Hannah had been the same. She was there when Jamie first gotten to the manor. Opened up her arms and welcomed them both in. Jamie likes to think that Hannah would have done the same if it was just her.
Owen and Mikey got along well. He thought Owen’s puns were the absolute best thing in the world. He’d parrot them back to her or attempt to make some up to get Owen to laugh and tell him he was the funniest kid he knew. The praise gave Mikey more confident and Jamie appreciated it. Wasn’t like there was a lot of other male role models in his life.
God knows she’d never give him one as a father figure.
The au pair is Mikey’s new obsession on the grounds. She knows he has some sort of crush on her. Jamie remembers being young and having these children like crushes on some of her teachers. Ones that were only laced with care and want for affection, nothing more than that.
She’d like Dani not to be at the front of her mind, but she keeps appearing. Anywhere she looks she sees the au pair and the kids.
It shouldn’t surprise her that Dani rushes out of the door right when she’s about to go inside.
“You alright?” she asks when the au pair makes her way behind one of the bushes.
She can hear her crying and wants to stop it. Inside, she knows that this is bigger than the kids or anything that has happened inside.
“Kids run you ragged.” Luckily Mikey’s at school and she doesn’t need to worry about him causing the tears. Or being involved in anyway. “Swear, it’s harder to be around them some days than others. That’s why I prefer plants. Easy to get along with, and I don’t have to go home with them at the end of the day.”
Dani snorts out a laugh and Jamie smiles. “Least you get to leave them. Poor Mikey’s stuck with me all the time.
“I cry, 3 maybe 4 times a day round here. 5 if I’m being honest with myself. How else do you think I keep all these fucking plants watered? My endless supply of deep, inconsolable tears. It’s what got me the job in the first place.”
Another laugh comes out of Dani and Jamie smiles. Laughs always made things better. She did the same with Mikey when he was upset. After a few jokes, he would crack up and everything seemed lighter. “There we go.”
Dani looks over her shoulder and at least she's not crying anymore. “You’re doing great.”
Dani is. It’s all Mikey can talk about last night. About how wonderful Miss Clayton is and how absolutely smart she was. All kinds of praise came out of his mouth. Praise that she didn’t get. It shouldn’t have made her jealous, but it did just a ping.
“You’re doing great,” she repeats, wanting to get the message through her head. “Mikey raved about you all night.”
“Thank you,” Dani replies quietly and she smiles.
“Anytime. Chin up, Poppins.”
The nickname comes easily out of her mouth. Poppins seems like the perfect name for the au pair that had floated into their lives. Might as well be practically perfect in any way.
“She did ask about you, dear,” Hannah says as they sit and drink their afternoon tea. Mikey’s off somewhere playing with the other children. Dani has been animated about him spending as much time as he pleases with them all when he’s here. Rebecca had said the same until the end. Mikey knew he wasn’t allowed to hang around Peter, so he spent more and more time apart from the kids. Another thing she could blame Peter for. She wasn’t in charge of Flora and Miles, couldn’t make that decision for them. But for Mikey? It’d be a cold day in hell when she let that lech of a man near her kid.
Dani offering to keep his company was good for now. She didn’t want to know what may happen if something of the same happens. Mikey only has a few good adults in his life, Jamie wouldn’t chance those. Rebecca had been a mistake to let her so close to him. Just to up and vanish like that.. What a pity it had been that Peter had trapped them together. As much as she hopes Peter is rotting in the ground somewhere, she still holds out hope that Rebecca will get her mind straight and leave before she can’t.
“Really?” she asks before she can get her bearings. “I mean, the au pair?”
Hannah rolls her eyes. “You aren’t so subtle, I’ll have you know.”
That woman always knew more than she should. “Dunno what you’re talking about.”
“Well, anyways, she asked about Mikey and if there was a father…”
Jamie huffs out, resisting the urge to cross her arms. “Mikey’s my kid, shouldn’t matter anything else.”
“She didn’t mean it like that, love. She’s just curious that one. I told her that it’d be best if she asked you about it.”
Jamie resists the temptation to roll her eyes at the comment. Because it’s a reasonable question, she’s been asked it by all of Mikey’s teachers over the years and any time he’s enrolled in another activity. Activities that he’s never taken a liking to. Football was a hit or miss with him. One summer he wanted to be completely involved, the next he wanted none of it at all. “Tell her like I tell all of them. Can’t bring myself to share him with anyone else.”
“Oi, stop that right now.”
The kids turn and look at her right away. “What do you think you’re doing?”
Flora’s the first one to speak up, “we’re trying to find flowers for Miss Clayton.”
“What did I say about cutting flowers?”
“Don’t do it,” the parrot back to her. They know the rules. Flowers aren’t ready to be cut until she says so.
The last person that had messed around in her garden was Peter fucking Quint and her rose bushes hadn’t recovered that year. She’d not have the kids cutting her plants and doing that again.
“Can you help us, then?” Miles asks.
She shakes her head, knowing it’s better to help them out than let them mess around more in her garden. “Come up to the greenhouse, you gremlins.”
“We’re not gremlins!”
Some flowers in the greenhouse are ready to be cut, easy to give up for a bouquet for Poppins. Part of Jamie wishes it was her giving Dani the flowers, but she quickly gets that thought out of her mind. The kids help pick out the flowers they want. The bouquet looks very much like something Flora would like, the boy’s opinions aren’t as vocal as she is. Flora always knows what she wants. It’s something she loves about the girl.
She hands the finished product off in a vase to Flora. “Best be careful with it,” she warns and Flora takes the job very seriously as they exit the greenhouse.
“Oh, you must come with us!” She pleads, turning so she’s facing Jamie. “She’ll be so happy to see you.”
“I dunno, you have yourselves figured out enough.”
“Please, Mum,” Mikey exclaims, tugging at her hand. “Just so she sees we didn’t mess in the garden ourselves.”
Smart kid she had there, so she relented and let herself be pulled along to the house. Dani was in the kitchen with Owen when they entered the house. Flora very excitedly hands her the flowers all encompassed in the vase. Jamie knew she had gone a little more than necessary with the arrangement. But it wasn’t everyday she got to play around with the combinations of her flowers. Plus, she couldn’t have the au pair thinking she didn’t know what she was doing. It definitely has nothing to do with the twing in her heart when she thinks about her.
“They are beautiful,” Dani coos taking the vase. “Did you do this all yourself?” she asks, but her eyes have found Jamie’s gaze. She’s smiling broadly and Jamie wants to lean into the happiness she’s ejecting. Instead, she keeps to the edge of the kitchen, leaning against a way.
“Jamie helped us,” Miles answers for the group. “She cut them all and made it so.”
“Well, thank you all,” Dani says once she’s put the vase down on the kitchen island. She bends over to get to the kids’ level. A habit Jamie has noticed about her. It’s something she’s seen the better of Mikey’s teachers doing. Speaking to the kid in front of them at their level. Perhaps, something she should attempt to do more with Mikey. But she already spoke to him like he was an equal, because he was. Never would have him thinking that he was less of someone than she was. He knew. While the kids are distracted, Dani stands and mouths a thank you to her from across the room. Jamie tries to fight off a blush that is making itself known on her hot skin.
Jamie sends a wink across the kitchen for her before going back to work.
After the first weekend with Dani, Mikey couldn’t stop speaking about her and complaining about school on Monday morning. “But Flora and Miles don’t have to go,” he tries as an excuse as Jamie finishes putting him to bed.
“Flora and Miles are different, love,” she attempts to explain again. It was just the way the world works. Flora and Miles have Dani to teach them. Jamie couldn’t afford that. “Besides, you like school.”
It was true at least. School was something Mikey seemed to enjoy doing. A whiz, her kid was. Teachers always raved about his abilities. Awfully proud she was of him.
“But they have so much more fun,” he complains as she tucks him into bed.
“You’ll be back in the afternoons.”
The time at school had gotten more difficult for him to reason while Miles was back. When Miles was off at boarding school, Mikey had time spent at school and other activities. He spent more time that fall and winter hanging around the manor with Flora. During the time they had grown closer. Just the two of them against the world. Jamie had let Mikey spend more and more time with her at work, knowing that Flora needed the company as much as Mikey did.
Mikey’s bus had even started dropping him off at the edge of the estate instead of by the pub. He would run through the fields until he would often meet Flora at the tree where she had put the swing.
“Will you drive me to school?” he asks softly as she moves a curl from near his eye.
Jamie nods. That’s something she can do. She’ll be to work a little later than usual, but nobody there minds. Henry would never even notice if she just up and stopped working. “Night, Mikey,” she says as she flickers off the light. The nightlight shines bright enough in the room for her to see him snuggle into the blankets.
“Night, Mum.”
She’s still getting used to being called mum. It was only a few months ago that he had asked to call her that. The night had been like any other night. Nothing prepared her for the conversation that would change everything.
“Jamie?” He asked one night when he’s tucked into bed. The day had been long and he had spent too much time alone without anyone to play with. The school bus had dropped him off later than usual, so Flora was already eating by the time he got to the manor. So he had stuck around with her for the entire evening. “Can’t I call you mum?”
It would be a lie if she said she hadn’t thought about this moment. She corrected him often when he was young and he quickly caught on to calling her Jamie.
Jamie was easy.
Being his big sister seems so different than what she really is. Big sisters don’t have to make lunches, bandage knees and elbows and tuck him into bed. Big sisters didn’t have to decide where to send him to school and worry about if he’s getting bullied like she had.
“Do you want to?”
“The kids at school said that I don’t even have a mum. But that’s not true, I have you.”
“Not if other kids want it, love,” she remembers brushing away stray hair from his forehead. Going to bed with wet hair meant the curls go crazy in the morning, but she would try to make it as neat as possible before he went off to school in the morning. “But if you want to, then you can.”
She pressed a kiss to his head after a moment of silence. She doesn’t mind being Jamie forever. But a part of her, deep down, wants to be mum. Because that’s what she is, isn’t she? “Night, kid.”
“Night, mum.”
Her heart was never quite the same.