Chapter Text
Neil
After confirming it, they had both felt really stupid for not noticing earlier, many sings were there, but they could be attributed to many other factors and honestly, pregnancy wasn’t even on the list of possible reasons to explain what Andrew had been feeling.
It had all started almost twelve weeks prior, Andrew and Neil were moving out from their tiny apartment to a slightly bigger apartment. Now that Andrew was finishing his second year in a Pro Exy team and Neil his first, they were both making good money, but they were focusing on paying student loans, traveling and saving money instead of living in fancy houses, so with about two months before the end of the Exy season they were moving.
The moving process had been a lot more tiring than they had expected, fiscally but mostly mentally, it had taken a toll on both of them but specially on Andrew who seemed tired all the time. One time he had even fallen asleep on the dinner table before dinner and that had never happened before, that had been sign number one, but they had attributed it to the change in their routine and the tiring moving process combined with their challenging training regimen.
Sing number two had been the headaches, Andrew started getting headaches at night when he read for more than an hour, he had prescription glasses that he almost never wore so they both thought his eyes were just tired and were provoking him headaches.
The sing that alerted them had been the tenderness, and it was actually Neil and not Andrew the one who had made the connection, it had been the weekend and they had been having a lazy Sunday, still in their pijamas at 2pm, they were watching Master Chef Junior (ironically) laying on their bed when Andrew had moved uncomfortably.
“What’s wrong?” Neil had asked absentmindedly, eyes on the tv.
“My chest feels tender” Andrew had said, he had had top surgery at the age of 19 and he was now 22, his chest hadn’t felt that tender in a long time, so that had catched Neil’s attention.
“Maybe you are about to start your period?”
“I guess, I haven’t had a period in like five o six months, but I suppose it can happen” Andrew had seemed doubtful
“Do you think it’s something else?”
“Not really, It’s just… I don’t know, something feels off” they had dropped the subject but Neil had kept thinking about it for the rest of the evening.
Neil had met Andrew in school when he was ten years old and Andrew was eleven, he had just moved from England with his uncle and he was the new weird kid with a funny accent. At that moment Andrew had looked a little different and had had a different name but after he had defended Neil from bullies one time when Neil had been sick they had connected and become fast friends. Nothing had been able to separate them since then.
“You’re thinking so loud I can’t hear the TV, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing” Neil had murmured, Andrew had rolled his eyes right at me moment a diapers commercial had started and then, something had clicked for Neil and Andrew had immediately noticed, probably because Neil had tensed all over.
“Seriously. What’s wrong?”
“Andrew, don’t laugh o like panic for what I’m about to ask, but, do you think there’s a possibility… that you might be pregnant?” Andrew had become a very, very convincing imitation of a statue in a single second.
Now the thing was that coming from probably any other person in the world the question would have been pointless but Neil actually new a thing or two about pregnancy, you see, when he had just moved to the US with his uncle he had been a very sickly kid, turns out that been abused and neglected for the first decade of your life can really take a toll on a kid’s health so, in the first year of living with his uncle he had had a stomach bug, three colds, the flue, and actual fucking pneumonia which had led him to spend a ridiculous amount of time at the nurse’s office in school, and that’s where he had met the person that will eventually become his mother figure: Nurse Abby.
That same year, after and incident where he had found out the hard way that he was allergic to bees, when the school had called his uncle and he had been too busy to pick Neil up from school and he had started to silently cry. Abby had reach out and consulted if she could take him home with her until his uncle was able to pick him up. That was the first of many, many afternoons at Abby’s house.
Soon spending the afternoon and sometimes even the night at Abby’s had become a regular thing, Abby was actually friend’s with Betsy, Andrew’s mom so he also got to see his best friend more often. He loved spending his afternoons with Abby, she would make him snacks and would let him stay with her at what he called ‘Abby’s after school job’.
Abby had had a small sort of office where she treated her ‘special patients’: pregnant women, she was a school nurse in the morning and a Midwife in the afternoon, so Neil had grown up learning a lot more about pregnancy than your average teen.
That’s why at the moment his question to Andrew had a lot more weight than if any other person had asked.
“Why do ask?” Andrew had answered showing false calmness
“Because of the little sings, but it might be nothing, you’ve just been really tired lately, and had headaches and just now with the tender chest feeling, I just kind of connected the dots”
“Headaches are a sign of pregnancy?” Andrew had asked in disbelieve
“Well, they can be, but it can also be that your eyes are tired, you know what! it was a dumb question, you’re on T, I don’t eve think you can get pregnant, forget it, it was stupid for me to ask”
“I know you sometimes say really stupid things Rabbit, but with this, you wouldn’t have asked if you didn’t think it was a valid question, do you think I should take a test?”
“It was stupid, you’re definitely are not pregnant, it was du..” Andrew had put his hand over Neil’s mouth
“Do. You. Think. I. Should. Take. A. Test?” With Andrew’s hand still over his mouth Neil had nodded.
And so, here they were, staring at a positive pregnancy test and feeling like the world had just stopped spinning, or maybe that it was spinning too fast.
“Is not, when I suggested it - I didn’t think” Neil took a shaky breath “I’m sorry Drew”
Andrew hand’t said anything since they saw the ‘pregnant’ appear, he was just standing there, in the bathroom looking at the test with out blinking and looking paler by the second. With out a world he suddenly sat on the edge of the bathtub
“I’m sorry” Neil repeated
“Shut up!”
Neil wanted to reach out a take Andrew’s hand but he knew that he wouldn’t want to be touched at the moment.
He felt scared, terrified even but most of all Neil felt guilty, Andrew had a spent so much time working toward a positive body image, he was on T, he had had top surgery, he had legally changed his name, he had been working toward becoming his true self for so long that the possibility of ruining all of that hard work with one stupid mistake had Neil wanting to throw up with guilt.
“It’s not your fault” Andrew said softly
“What?”
“I know what you’re thinking, and it’s not your fault, don’t pull your martyr card now, that’s not what we need”
“I know, I’m sorry” Neil sat next to Andrew “I’m here for you, through anything and everything, we’ll do whatever needs to be done, I’ll support you” Andrew silently took Neil’s hand, and he felt supremely stupid because he felt like he was being comforted by Andrew instead of the opposite
“I need time, to think, I really don’t know what I’m feeling now, I don’t, I don’t think I’m feeling anything”
“Do you need to be alone?” Neil said ready to get up but Andrew tightened his hold on his hand.
“Stay” He said and slowly put his head on Neil’s shoulder. They stayed like that for a long time.
<3
Andrew felt cold and hot at the same time, he didn’t know how he felt, it seemed unreal that he was pregnant, when he saw the little ‘positive’ his first reaction had been disbelief because ‘boys can’t get pregnant’ and then, cold realization, he was a boy in all the ways that mattered it but his body wasn’t, no matter how hard he tried or how good he felt about himself.
He always thought about having children as an abstract concept, like maybe when one day Neil and him would be ready they’ll adopt, what he wanted was to get a kid out of the system not bring another one to this shit show, He had never wanted to get pregnant, he knew some guys that were like him that wanted to have kids of their own but at the moment he wasn’t one of them.
He didn’t even think you could get pregnant when you were on T, he didn’t have periods anymore, so, what the fuck had happened? Maybe they could get rid of it, but what if Neil wanted it?, it was his body, but the were both responsible for it, Andrew took a deep breath he felt kind of dizzy but maybe surprisingly he didn’t feel like crying.
The last time he had bawled his eyes out, he had been fifteen, he had been sitting in the rooftop of his school with his head in his hands sobbing when Neil had found him, well, he hadn’t actually been ‘hiding’, then went there pretty often, he had felt Neil’s presence more than he had actually seen him, Neil had been pretty shocked, he had never seen Andrew cry before, let alone sob like that.
“Josie?” Neil had asked softly and Andrew had flinched, Bee and Neil were the only ones allowed to call him that but for some reason he didn’t want to hear that name at the moment. His best friend got gradually closer to him looking comically worried “Can you tell me what’s wrong?”
Andrew had felt really stupid at the moment, it was nothing important, nothing had been ‘wrong’ Bee had been so exited because things actually were starting to ‘normalize’ with his overall health, she had been so happy because he was finally healthier, finally reaching the ‘expected milestones’, Andrew didn’t want to reach stupid milestones.
“I got my first period” he had gritted out and then he had sniffed loudly, he hadn’t want to have a period, it had felt somehow so wrong. So uncomfortable.
“Oh… um, right” Had been Neil incredibly smart reply, he had been such an idiot, still was. But in his defense there wasn’t much else that he could have said.
After a few moments he had just sat next to Andrew, giving him space but offering company and Andrew that had been already feeling reckless had thrown himself into his arms. Neil had frozen for a moment but after just a heartbeat he had retuned the embrace with all of his strength, he had let Andrew sob into the soft material of his shirt until he had stop shaking and had started to take slow deep breaths like Bee had taught him.
“Turn around?” Neil had asked softly, this was something they did sometimes, it was their private thing than nobody knew about. Sometimes when they were stressed and alone Andrew would let Neil braid his hair, he had blond locks that reached the middle of his back, he had hated it when his hair was on his face and Neil had liked to braid it. It was something that had relaxed them both, nothing else.
So he had given his back to Neil and relaxed as he had felt his fingers work. A few minutes later he had had his hair pulled into a French braid and had probably looked less crappy, he hadn’t said thank you, but he had given Neil a look. “Do you wanna go get some ice cream?” That had earned Neil a punch in the gut.
“What?!, did you read in some bullshit website that that’s what girls want when they’re on their period?”
“No? What the fuck!” Neil had asked confused “You just like ice cream and I thought you might want some, jeez you do know how to throw a punch!”
“I do”
“You do know how to throw a punch or you do want ice cream?”
“Both, come on Rabbit, I’m not waiting for your slow ass” Neil had smiled and promptly followed.
At that moment he had felt so desolated, so defeated by something he had no control of, now he didn’t feel that way, he didn’t feel alone, he had Neil right next to him, and he knew that his Rabbit would accept whatever Andrew decided it was best.
But that was the thing, Andrew didn’t know.
He could think only about himself, there were too many variables involved, he couldn’t even concentrate on what the hell he was feeling because he had way too much to think about, he felt way overwhelmed, way beyond himself, before his mind could drifted more, Neil spoke.
“Andrew?”
“What?”
“My ass is cold” Despite everything that was happening in his mind he snorted “let’s get back to the bedroom Drew” Neil said standing up and extending a hand. Andrew took it and let himself being guided back to his room.
“Do you want to go back to bed? Maybe we can go for a walk or do you need to be alone?” Neil started to ramble restlessly Andrew just shook his head, he just wanted to think
“Do you want some hot chocolate?” Neil tried again
“Not right now”
“Yeah, okay, it’s like three pm” Neil was basically bouncing on his feet, Andrew sighed
“You should go on a run”
“What?” He stoped moving
“You should go on a run”
“Do you need me to leave?”
“Is not that Neil, you’re restless, this is clearly affecting both of us we just react different, I need to think and you need to go on a run, I won’t leave and you’ll be back. Now go Rabbit, go move your little restless rabbit feet” Neil sagged in relief
“I’ll be back in two hours tops, I’ll take my phone with me” he hurried to the door after quickly changing and then ran back to the bedroom, kissed Andrew’s forehand and whispered “I love you” Andrew pushed him away with no malice
“Go!” He smiled for a moment after Neil left but then everything felt heavy again.
Normally when he felt overwhelmed he would try to organize his thoughts to see things in perspective so that’s what he tried to do until Neil came back just an hour later and took a really fast shower.
“You took less time than I thought you would” Andrew commented casually
“I thought I needed to run to clear my head and it did helped a little but what I really needed was to be close to you so I came back”
“Don’t get sappy on me” Neil shrugged
“It’s the truth. How are you feeling?”
“Mostly like an idiot. How did I not realized that something so big was happening to my body?, don’t pregnant people throw up all the time and that’s how the figure out they are pregnant? Because I don’t feel pregnant, I don’t feel anything and I look the same, right?, I’m not.. showing” Andrew looked down at his stomach warily, It looked the same as always, he was a pro Exy player on T, he looked toned.
“Well, yeah, most pregnant people throw up a lot, but not all and you do look the same to me, maybe it’s just too early to tell, we should make a doctor’s appointment to confirm it and see how far along you are"
“Yeah I didn’t really think of that… and fucking Exy!, I won’t be able to play next season if I’m…” Andrew stopped talking he was getting ahead of himself
“Drew, do you… do you want to keep it? Neil asked carefully, his eyes huge.
“Do you?”
“I asked first and it’s your body”
“I know, but I didn’t make it all on my own, we need to make the decision together, do you want to keep it?”
“I…no, no yet?, is that a valid answer? I just feel like, even though we’re not teens anymore we’re barely adults, I don’t think is the best time, we’re just starting our careers and sure we could continue them even with a baby, but our lives would still change completely, I’m not sure I’m ready for that big of a change yet. If we have kids I want to want them you know?, I don’t ever want them to feel like they were a mistake I don’t ever want to be like my parents, and I also want you to enjoy it, if you get pregnant I want you to want to get pregnant, I want you to be okay with the changes your body will go through and I don’t know if you’re mentally there, I don’t know if I’m mentally ready. But I want you to know above everything that I won’t ever pressure you to do something you don’t want, if you actually want to keep it then I’ll do my best to be the best father I can be, I’ll work through my issues and I’ll support you always… okay, that’s all I have to say” Neils hands were shaking but he kept his eyes on Andrew’s the entire time
“You’re such an idiot” Andrew sighed “I feel the same, Rabbit, I don’t feel ready yet, when I pictured us having a kid I thought we’d adopt in like ten years, not now, I don’t want our lives to change either, I like our little family the way it is now, I like our freedom and I like who I am now, I’m Andrew and I don’t know if I’m ready to be a father and not just an Andrew” Neil offered his hand and Andrew took it
“So we get rid of it?”
“Yeah, I think that’s the best option, at least right now” They were both quiet for a few moments holding each others hands tightly “How do we do this? mister Pregnancy Expert”
“We make an appointment to see how far along are you and based on that we analyze the best option”
“Sounds like a plan”.
The appointment was set up for three days later. Andrew felt calm, for them, it was just a bundle of cells and in three days it would just be part of their history.
When the day came. He didn’t feel calm anymore.
He had been feeling lightheaded since the moment he woke up so Neil was driving them to the clinic, Andrew was concentrating in taking deep breaths and not thinking about what they were about to do, he hadn’t said a word since he woke up, he felt as if he his throat was stuffed with cotton.
Andrew had eidetic memory but he could not remember how he ended up sitting in the waiting room of a clinic and got startled when a nurse called his name
“I’m right here Drew, we’re in this together” Neil whispered before they entered the doctor’s office. Andrew squeezed his hand.
The nurse made him routine questions and didn’t called him a woman so Andrew relaxed just a little, then the nurse told him to make himself comfortable while they waited for the actual doctor to do the ultrasound and Andrew’s breathing suddenly started to come faster, Neil eyed him worriedly but didn’t say anything.
“Talk” Andrew gritted out, Neil started talking immediately as if he had been practicing what he was going to say
“Did you know that an ‘Ultra sound’ is a sound wave with frequencies higher than the upper audible limit of human hearing. So an Ultrasound is not different from a normal sound in its physical properties, except that humans cannot hear it and what the Ultra Sound Machine does is to show an image of the structures within the body using those high-frequency sound waves” Andrew looked at Neil in the eyes for a second and then snorted softly
“Your extensive knowledge on this kind of things it’s pretty freaky” Neil smiled
“You’re freaky” Andrew was going to answer but then the Doctor entered the room.
“Hello, I’m doctor Green I’ll be checking on you today, it’s nice to meet you, is this the first doctor visit that you have made since finding out you were pregnant?” They both nodded “Awesome, normally we estimate how far along in the pregnancy a person is based on the time of their last menstrual period and of course the imaging that we get on the ultrasound but you’re a special case mister Dobson” She had called him ‘mister’ and with that she inadvertently gained some of Andrew’s respect “Your file says that your last period was almost six months ago, are you on T?
“Yes”
“Testosterone usually makes your period go away but is not a contraceptive method” well.. evidently Andrew bitterly thought. “Right now we’ll perform an ultrasound to determine how far along you are and the state of the fetus, all right?, lift your shirt please, I’m going to apply a cold gel on your abdomen” She was all business and Andrew really liked that about her, He lifted his shirt slowly and took a deep breath, then searched for Neil’s hand. After a really annoying static sound a rapid beating sound filled the room, Andrew’s own heart started to beat really fast, Neil squeezed his hand.
“That’s the baby’s heartbeat, it’s sounds healthy” She said with a polite smile “And there it is, if you look here there’s the legs, you can tell it’s moving quite a bit, here’s the arms, the head…” She stopped talking for a few seconds and let them watch
“Drew!” Neil said in wonder. That was not at all what they had imagined it would be like, they thought it will be an formless blob, not… this
“It, it looks like a baby” Andrew said breathlessly, Doctor Green chuckled
“Yeah, that’s what it is. Were you expecting an alien?”
“No” Neil said dumbly “We just thought… How far along is he already?
“Well, I’d say that by the size of the fetus, the movement and the overall development, eleven to twelve weeks” That’s was three fucking months already, how did he not realize that he had been pregnant for THREE MONTHS, what they were looking at did not look like a bundle of cells it look like a tiny person, moving around, inside of him
“I-I can’t feel it, it’s moving so much but I don’t feel anything”
“That’s normal the fetus is too tiny for you to feel it, right now it’s abut the size of a passion fruit, you’ll be able to feel it moving possibly around week eight-teen, a bit early if you know what you’re looking for”
The doctor proceeded to keep explaining measurements and other technicalities but Andrew had stopped listening, he couldn’t take away his eyes from the screen, his heart was beating so fast in his chest that it seemed to match the baby’s, he realized his hands were shaking when he felt Neil squeeze his hand gently, Andrew tore his eyes from the screen to look at his boyfriend, Neil looked pretty lightheaded himself.
“Okay, all done, I’ll print a few pictures for you, come with me to the office please, you can take a sit if you want to, I still have a few questions” The doctor said, Andrew let go of Neils hand to sit up but took it back right after, he needed the comfort of the contact, he was starting to feel overwhelmed.
“The baby looked pretty good, everything looked normal, your file says you’re a professional Exy Player?” He nodded “You won’t be able to play for the time being, however you are allowed and encouraged to keep exercising, but only low impact kind of exercise, you should elevate your calorie intake, eat healthy of course, you’re not allowed to eat raw food so no sushi, no smoking or drinking” Andrew was franticly recalling all of the times that he had played Exy in the last three months he was terrified that an Exy ball might’ve hurt the baby somehow but the doctor had said everything looked good.
“How have you been feeling mister Dobson?, it’s not so common for a person to wait until the end of the first trimester to have their first prenatal appointment ”
“Normal” He simply answered
“No morning sickness, tiredness, sensitivity to smells, tight feeling around the belly?”
“I had been more tired but I haven’t had morning sickness or any thing like that, I should have notice before, I could have hurt it playing Exy, lifting weights, I didn’t know, and I don’t look pregnant at all, is that normal?, is there something wrong?”
“Every thing looked completely normal, yours is a very special case, you’re a professional athlete, a pretty muscular man, that’s why you’re not showing yet, but nothing is wrong, every body is different, don’t feel bad about not noticing because everything is okay, just take care of yourself from now on, I’ll give you a list of the things you should be doing and a list of things you can’t do, and we’ll set the date for your next appointment” Andrew nodded numbly and in no time they were back on there car.
Once they were in the safety of their own car Andrew started to get really overwhelmed, his breath started to come faster and faster, his hands where shaking and his vision started to blur, he wasn’t just pregnant, he was three months pregnant and he hadn’t been taking care of himself, he had played Exy and lifted heavy things, he had pulled all nighters and…
“Andrew!” He heard Neil’s voice from fay away like he was under water, he knew he wasn’t breathing right but he couldn’t stop thinking about all the things that he had been doing wrong for the paste three months “Andrew breathe” he felt a hand on his arm and violently jerked away “I won’t touch you Drew, I’m sorry but I need you to breathe, you are having a panic attack, you need to breathe” Andrew tried, really tried to breathe but he just couldn’t, white dots started to appear on the edges of his vision “Andrew, you need to take a deep breath I can’t have you passing out on me right now, you’re okay, you heard the doctor, everything is okay, you’re healthy, the… the baby is healthy, you did nothing wrong, everything is fine, take a deep breath, okay, good, another one, awesome Drew, you’re doing really good, another one” Neil kept speaking softly and Andrew started to slowly calm down, he took a few conscious breaths and noticed that his car door was opened and Neil was knelling in front of him at arms reach but not touching him.
He then just realized that he had both hands protectively placed on top of his belly. And before his breathing started to accelerate again he threw himself at Neil’s open arms that were ready to catch him, he started to rub his back soothingly
“You’re okay Drew, another deep breath, you’re both okay, just breathe” They stayed in that position for a few more minutes until Andrew felt well enough to go, once they were both back in the car there was a tense silence, neither of them moved, they were still at the clinic’s parking-lot
“Neil, I don’t think I’ll be able to get rid of it” Andrew mumbled
“Yeah”
“I didn’t expected it to be so… so much like a baby, I didn’t know I was so far along already”
“I know, I felt the same”
“I really don’t want to be father yet”
“Me neither, Drew”
“I don’t want to resent being a father and I don’t want to regret getting rid of it. What do we do?” Neil seemed to really think about it.
“I know this is nobody’s business but ours, but… maybe we should talk to Bee, she’s always levelheaded and you know, she’s your mom, she’ll never judge you and she always gives good advise”
“Jeez, when did you become mature enough to suggest something like that?”
“Oh fuck you!” Neil said smiling “You’re the one that taught me that it was okay to reach out for help when you really need it”
“Yeah, we should probably call her”
And so they did, and went back home. Actually like the incredibly efficient woman that his mom was, she was already there waiting for them when they arrived.
Once they were inside, Neil guided them to the living room
“I’ll make some tea, so we can talk” Neil said and went into the kitchen, after some unimportant conversation Neil got back and the atmosphere suddenly turned heavy so Andrew just ripped the band-aid
“I’m pregnant” Luckily his mom was sitting because she might’ve had fallen otherwise, Andrew himself felt so weird saying it out loud for the first time “It obviously wasn’t planned and we were actually going to get rid of it, but I got an ultrasound today and, it changed… things, we, we didn’t realize on time and I’m already twelve weeks” His mom was utterly shocked but she was keeping herself calm at least on the outside.
“We don’t thing we’ll be able to get rid of it but we don’t want to be parents yet, and we don’t know what to do” Andrew could see his mom posture change and he realized she already had a solution
“Have you thought about adoption?”
“What?!” Neil bursted angrily “You think we should put a baby in the system after everything that happened to Andrew, are you insane?!”
“No” She answered calmly “That’s not what I meant, I would never willingly let a child suffer, not even for the wellbeing of my own son. Adoption doesn’t always mean to adopt an child from the system, sometimes when a pregnant person decides to give his child for a adoption they get to sort of ‘choose' the best option, they get to meet them and there are many adoption options like ‘open adoption’ where you’ll be able to be in the kids life”
Neil was still eyeing his mom warily
“But, no matter how many files you review you can’t be sure the baby will be safe if you don’t actually know the ‘adopters’” Neil said in a tight voice
“What if you do know them?”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you remember Emilia, Emilia Guerrero? Neil seemed confused but Andrew immediately knew who his mother was talking about
“Fernanda’s sister” Fernanda Guerrero had been his psychiatrist from when he was a traumatized ten year old to when he was almost eighteen and had moved for college, she was a bit younger than his mom and she had a little sister; Emilia
“Millie?” Neil asked Andrew
“Yeah”
“Millie’s name is Emilia?!”
“I’m literally impressed at how dense you can be, What did you think Millie’s name was?
“Well… Millie!” Andrew resisted the urge to hit his stupid boyfriend, and instead he asked kind of in awe
“Emilia wants to adopt?” She was only four years older than him and had actually gone to the same high school, when Andrew had been twelve she was probably the coolest person he knew, she was a badass girl, once he had broken a bully’s nose with one punch and when the teacher had asked why she had done it being the ‘nice girl she was’ her response had been: ‘because you can’t fix everything with therapy’, Andrew really liked her.
“We had dinner at her new house last year!” Neil said suddenly
“Yeah, she’s been wanting to adopt for a few years now, but it can be a long process” his mom added
“I didn’t know she couldn’t have kids” Andrew mumbled mostly to himself
“Oh no, she can, but Graham and her decided to adopt” Andrew felt suddenly lightheaded, Emilia was someone he had known and trusted for more than a decade, she was now and architect and her husband was a pediatrician, they still kept in contact and Andrew still thought she was pretty badass.
He placed his hand on his stomach consciously for the first time since finding out he was pregnant, he was feeling really vulnerable at the moment but he was with the two persons that he felt the safest with, so he asked:
“Do you thing Emilia would want this baby, do you think she would want my baby?
“Andrew” His mom said with her voice full of emotion “I don’t think anything could make her happier” And for the first time since all of this crazy shit started Andrew felt like he actually could do this. He immediately searched for Neil’s eyes, only to discover that he was already watching him and was smiling
“It’s a yes for me, Drew, we know her, but most importantly I know you trust her, so it’s a yes for me” He whispered only for him
“Mom, do you think we should call her?”
“Sure, but, maybe you guys should think about your options for a little longer, it’s a very big decision after all”
Andrew looked at Neil, all he could see was love and relieve “I know it’s sudden but it feels right” Neil said
“I don’t want to wait” Andrew told his mother so she nodded encouragingly and he facetime Millie.
She almost immediately picked up
“Hello! It’s non other than my favorite little monster” She said sweetly.
When Andrew had been around thirteen other kids in his school had started to call him ‘Monster girl’, at the beginning he had hated it, but then one day after Emilia had rudely defended him she had told him afterwards: ‘Don’t let their stupid words affect you!, embrace them, labels shouldn’t make us devalue ourselves, they should help us discover who we are, so let them call you monster and be the scariest one, the one that is not intimidated by anything or anyone, show them how strong you are, show them how big of a monster you can be’, after that, he hadn’t mind the name so much anymore, it actually had stuck and Andrew had thought it sounded pretty cool.
“Hello Millie” Emilia immediately picked up on the mood of the call and sobered up instantly
“Is everything okay, Andrew?” She asked, concerned
“Yeah, um, I wanted to ask you something” Andrew wasn’t the kind of person who stumbled on his words but he was feeling specially nervous “Mom told me you’ve been trying to adopt for a few years now”
“Yes, are you guys thinking about adoption?, I can help you with whatever you need!”
“Not exactly”
“Oh, then what do you need boy?, what am I good for?”
“I’m pregnant Millie, and Neil and I are not ready to be parents yet, so we were wondering if you want to be a mom, we were wondering if you wanted to adopt this baby, my baby”
There was a moment of absolute silence and then a sudden gasp
“Are you joking?” Emilia asked incredulously, Andrew stared at her blankly
“Of course not”
“Andrew, oh my God!” She said and promptly bursted into tears, in only a few seconds she started sobbing, Andrew looked up at Neil unsure of what to do when a scream startled them “Graham!, get in here” She yelled, her husband entered the room in a hurry and immediately checked on her, when she babbled the news he started sobbing as well while Andrew and Neil stared at the screen, Andrew was glad he had ask over the phone.
“So, it that a yes?” He asked after a few minutes of exited cries
“Andrew” Emilia said sniffling “Nothing could make us happier, you’re giving us something invaluable that our souls have wanted for so long, It would be an honor for us to be the parents of your baby. Andrew, Neil, we can’t not express to you how happy you’ve made us, we’ll be the best parents your baby can have, and the fact that it’s yours makes it a thousand times more special” She started sobbing again while her husband hugged her tightly.
At that point his mom was openly crying and even Neil was looking all misty eyed, he was feeling a little chocked up as well so he let himself be hugged by his mom even though he was actually taller than her. They ended the call soon after with the promise of starting the legal paper work in the up coming weeks.
That night when they got to bed, something seemed to have shifted, he still felt pretty overwhelm and they still had a lot to do and a lot to think about but he felt so much more calm, he looked up at Neil that was getting ready for bed
“Do you think we made the right decision?”
“Yes Drew, do you?”
“Yes”
“Things are really going to change in the next six months”
“I know” he said and placed a hand on his tummy, it was so bizarre to think that he was actually pregnant
“Can I?” Neil asked softly, hand raised, Andrew nodded and Neil softly pressed his hand on his belly right next to his own hand “I’m in for the ride if you are, I’ll be right by your side the whole time”
“I know” Andrew repeated it, and he did, since the moment they had become friends, Neil had been by his side, he hadn’t fail him once, they had stuck together through out all of their trauma and their troubles and all those hard times, they had manage to overcome everything together and now they were going to go through a new and different stage in life that even though neither of them had expected they were sure and at peace with their decision and Andrew knew that they could take this new challenge and face it together.
So when Neil finally got into bed and drew Andrew close, he felt light and secure in his arms and let himself drift to sleep knowing that no matter how challenging the next months were going to be, they had each other and that was more than enough.