Chapter Text
Sleep has never come easily or naturally, even, to the inhabitants of the dreaded House of Hades. Yet, after everything that had just transpired, Zagreus found himself wishing just for that. A long, peaceful night (or day, whichever) of sleep, for him to just... come to terms with everything. The night had been an unprecedented one in terms of pace and sincerity.
But that was exactly what he was trying to forget. He took a few steps toward his bed, his knees buckling. He simply chose to fall forward, landing flat on his face, his legs hanging off, but he didn't care.
"Hypnos..." he murmured, hoping that the sleepy god would somehow hear him. He wished only for sleep, yet couldn't bring himself to keep talking, suddenly reminded of the fateful brother he was trying to forget in the first place. Thankfully, his half-expressed wish was granted, and sleep claimed him, erasing all feeling and memory - at least for a while.
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"Ah, Hypnos, hello," he said, as casually as he could the following day (or night).
"Oh, well, if it isn't Mr. Sleepyhead himself," Hypnos said with a mischievous smile. "If I am not mistaken, you officially requested a dose of long and dreamless sleep. And, hey, that's correct, I have the paperwork right here!"
And with that, the ever slumbering god tossed his pile of parchments in Zagreus' face. And indeed, there it was on the edge of the uppermost one, scribbled hastily in Hypnos' handwriting.
"Yes, that. I wanted to thank you for indulging me, even though I don't think I made a lot of sense."
"Oh, believe me, I've heard it enough from mortals, I know just what to listen for! Well, I hope you've enjoyed my services!"
"Huh, yes, always." Recognizing the dismissal in Hypnos' tone, he still shuffled around a little, trying to decide whether to risk it. Oh, well. "Um, hey, Hypnos. You haven't happened to hear from Thanatos lately, have you? He... uh."
Not finding it in himself to lie, he chose to just stay silent on the matter of why exactly he's looking for the elusive god of death.
"Thanatos? Why, I can't say I have. Although he must be keeping himself very busy indeed, what with all these souls flooding in. I've been tempted to ask for help, but I fear they might just replace me entirely."
So that was that. Than was off to work, much like he always was. Zagreus took a more careful look at the hallway near the pool of Styx, and was surprised how terribly unobservant he had been. The place was practically filled to the brim; if the shades here had actual physical form, they wouldn't have been able to fit in there at all.
Let's see if I can do something about this.
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He took Mort with him on his next security run, as he usually did, but just to make sure, he pocketed the small butterfly he got from Than, too, all that time ago. Even so, he chose to be patient, and only called out to him in the fields of Elysium, the most fitting place to meet up in the underworld. Yet, all through his fight, there was no answer.
Picking up his coin, he looked around. Called out again, seemingly to no avail. No hush of wings, no chill in the air, not even that ominous toll. He threw his sword on the ground, and let out a scream. This whole situation was... unfair. Sure, Than needed time, as he did for just about anything, but this time was different. Their conversation happened so quickly, Zagreus couldn't even catch on until it was too late. He still had a lot to say, damn it. He needed to say all of that. Something, at least.
Exhausted, and not just from the ceaseless fighting, he sat down in the wonderful grass of this eternal paradise. Lost in thought, he didn't even realize he had received company.
"Zagreus," an all too familiar voice called out. He sounded so distant, so cold, it should have frozen his heart solid, yet it was beating faster than ever. He turned to see Thanatos standing a few feet away from him, feet on the ground, balancing himself on his scythe. He, too, looked tired. "You called."
Picking himself up, Zagreus started toward Than, but the god took an instinctive step back, halting Zagreus' movements.
"Twice. You getting a little rusty, I should say," he tried in a teasing manner.
"I've been neglecting my duties of late. As I am doing so right now. Let's just get this over with so I can get back, shall we?"
Ouch.
"Than, I..."
"I would prefer if you stopped asking for my help from now on. It is nice to see Mort moving around, so I will not ask you to leave him in the house, but know this. I will not come around again."
"But... Than, why-"
"You've proven yourself capable of handling yourself, as you yourself have told me repeatedly. Consider this my belated agreement."
"But things have changed since then, surely."
Death Incarnate regarded him with a gaze he used to collect the souls of mortals.
"Indeed. I have work to do. You as well."
He disappeared in a flash of wings.
He hardened himself, picked up his sword, and headed to the next chamber. Death's not the only one who can bury himself in his work.
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It is funny how losing one person ended up bringing him closer with most of his other friends.
His first strategy was, obviously, to work himself to death, over and over again, but that became old really soon. Next up, he chose to resume his relationship with Megaera. And no, he wasn't hoping to spur Thanatos into jealousy, most definitely not. But, had he entertained any such hopes, they would have squashed very soon. His newfound activities did result in an appearance by the god of death, but he spoke only to Meg, and disappeared the moment he saw Zagreus staring at him. And Meg, faithful friend as ever, refused to tell him what their conversation was about.
Having tried anything and everything he could think of, he ended up simply giving in. Every time he awoke in the pool of Styx, his first journey would take him straight to the administrative chamber. And well, maybe he did leave the door open, and maybe, yes, he was also just there to keep watch on Than's usual place, but hey, he did try to motivate those poor shades working their afterlife away. He actually ended up doing more work in there than ever before.
His usual stroll would take him to the guardpost of Achilles, where they would talk of underworld wretches, the pain of heartbreak, and the joyous life (or death, or whatever they wished to call it) the great hero was now allowed to share with his beloved. Staying so connected to his old sword master gave him immense relief, knowing someone understood his position, one that they never even had to talk about.
He kept lounging around the hallway, trying to connect a bit more with Hypnos, nagging him for any news of his brother, to no avail. The only thing both of them could see of Than was his handiwork: he truly was working his ass off. As a result, so much work was poured on his parents that he sadly could not enjoy his mother's company, she seemed to be always taking care of one thing or other. But he didn't mind it, she seemed happily occupied, enjoying her place in all of this. He was just glad to see her settled.
Instead, he turned to Nyx for motherly advice, both for himself and his stray lover. She was helpful on some occasions, cryptic on others, but remained steadfast in her love for him - for the both of them.
"Give him time, child," she'd told him repeatedly. "My son is not used to company, much less of a kind you have offered him. He will talk to you once he is ready, but he will not abandon you. Have patience."
Well, such things were easier said than done. For several weeks he had heeded Than's words and not called him, yet after a particularly exhausting run (courtesy of the pact), he just couldn't take it anymore. Seating himself on the riverbank, he called out repeatedly to Thanatos. Doing so on the surface was always a little tricky, after all, Mort was a creature of the underworld, but he didn't care.
"Than, look. I know I... said some things. I know you need your time. But it's been weeks now, and I just... I can't go on like this. I know you still have some sort of feelings for me, you would have told me if we were completely over. But Than, please. Just hear me out. I just want to talk to you. Just to see you again. Please." He felt his life draining away in the cold surface sunset. "Than, I love you."
His body slumped forward, lifeless, but he never hit the river. He could not feel cold arms gently fold his body, nor hear the soft flapping of wings as death himself carried him back to his home underground.
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Having experienced it over a hundred times already, Zagreus thought he knew all about death. But this particular awakening felt more like the end to a peaceful slumber, less the result of a horrid surface tragedy. Lifting his head to clear the blood-red waters of the river from his face, he realized he was quite dry, and very much lying down somewhere. Had he fallen asleep at some point?
Sitting up, he saw he wasn't in his bedroom, but the west hall of the palace. Achilles wasn't at his post (thankfully), but the muffled sounds of the overworked house still reached his ears. Looking around, he realized, mortified, that he was lying in the sofa he had commissioned for Than. Blushing deeply, his first instinct was to disappear, as quickly as possible. But, then again, noone seemed to be around. This was the closest he'd felt to his onetime lover in weeks, a feeling he was reluctant to let go of, so instead of making a rushed escape, he chose to lie back and relish this guilty pleasure.
He was interrupted merely a few minutes later.
"You're awake," called out a voice he had longed to hear for weeks. His heart leapt, and he felt his world spinning. There was a familiar chill in the air, and he found himself closing his eyes as he turned slowly around.
He opened his eyes to find the ever-immaculate, haughty Death Incarnate sitting slumped in one of the chairs he had commissioned months earlier, pieces of furniture he'd vowed he'd never use. His hair was perfect as ever, yet his eyes seemed tired, his posture speaking of exhaustion and restlessness that must have been plaguing him for days, if not weeks. His scythe was resting against one of the pillars to his right, his gauntlet and ornaments on the chair beside him. He looked like any mortal man would, coming home from a long day of work.
"I thought I'd never see you again," Zagreus found himself saying, drinking in the sight of this man he adored so much, sitting merely a few feet from him, showing a weakness he'd never even acknowledged before.
His words caused Thanatos so lower his head even more, and he draws a hand over his face to collect himself.
"You know I could never do that to you," he said weakly, like on the verge of tears.
"Than... I am so sorry," Zagreus began. "I'm sorry. Our last conversation... in my chambers, I... you surprised me. You're usually so careful about these things, I never even thought you'd be... so open, so honest... and I-I just didn't know how to react. I'm sorry. I understand why you reacted... the way you did, I truly do now. Hell, I would have done the same," he added with a small laugh. Thanatos looked up at him, then, his eyes cold yet so honest. His gaze spoke of all the pain Zagreus had caused, a terrible soreness he could not simply wish away with time. "I'm sorry. You opened your heart to me, and I... made fun of you. It was wrong. And I truly, really am sorry."
He wondered why it had been so easy for him to admit his love when he was on his own, with only the memories of Thanatos, and why now, in that exact moment, he was struggling with words. What had he imagined? That Than would just show up one day, perfectly content, that terrible occasion simply forgotten, and he'd be able to confess in a cocoon of happiness? He'd reacted poorly, and because of those earlier actions, it had to be like this. With a terrible feeling of shame gripping his own heart, and pain surrounding that of his love.
Perhaps he knew that even those words might not be enough to mend their relationship, but once he'd said them, there would be no going back. Thanatos could simply ignore all of this, and leave him alone for the rest of their eternities. And I did that to him, he thought. He'd lain the deepest contents of his heart into my arms, and I just threw them away.
"Than, I love you."
He meant to say it strongly, with conviction, the way Thanatos had, but his voice came out weak and broken. He had to tear his eyes away from Than's face before he could even see his reaction. It won't be enough, he realized. This is how it ends? He couldn't stop the single tear running down his cheek, and he covered his face with his hands. Shutting his eyes forcibly, he willed himself not to cry, not yet, he still had to face Thanatos, he had to be strong, or he'd end up pleading on the floor of this very public space barely out of earshot of his father's seat.
He'd call me a weakling, and he'd be right. I was weak before, and now I'm just pathetic. I lost Thanatos, but I still need to face him like a man.
His thought were interrupted by a pair of cold arms wrapping around him and a face burying in his neck. Thanatos was shaking as he hugged him. His hands moved of their own accord, and his shock barely registered in time to stop himself from pulling the man even closer.
"I... I don't understand-"
Instead of replying, Than just hugged him closer, forcing their chests together. Zagreus could only respond in kind, enveloping Thanatos in as fearsome an embrace as he could, doing his best not to think about what it could mean, things could still go wrong, after all... But he didn't care. If all he was to be allowed was this, then gods damn it, he would make the most of it. He breathed in the familiar scent of his partner, committing it to memory. He splayed his hands out over his back, mapping it, touching every part he could, holding him close all the while.
After some time spent like this, Thanatos settled down, no longer shaking, the deadly grip of his arms loosening, and Zagreus knew he was finally ready to talk. He hugged him close one last time, then released him from the embrace. Thanatos pulled away, his look still tired but his eyes finally calm.
Zagreus opened his mouth to say something - several things indeed - but thought better of it. Thanatos appreciated patience, despite everything that's passed between them, he usually just needed time to collect himself.
"I love you too, Zagreus," he said simply, his voice even, eyes honest. "I was so scared you didn't, I just couldn't face you earlier. To lose you - again, like this... I didn't have the courage. But I kept my eyes on you, every time you called for me. I was going to wait, but this time, you seemed so insistent, so I went, but by the time I arrived, you were already out. Well, dead, that is." He looked away with a small sigh. "I brought you here and asked Achilles to look after you while I went back to work so we'd have time to talk." He fell silent, looking out at the river like he usually did, standing here. "I thought I was going to lose you, Zagreus," he said, looking at him dreamily.
Zagreus slowly lifted a hand to Thanatos' face, to give him time to turn away, or swat his hand, or just disappear. Instead, Death Incarnate melted into the touch, a brush slowly forming on his cheeks.
"You're beautiful," was all Zagreus could say before pulling Thanatos into a kiss. He kept it slow, wishing to reassure to his love that he was there, and revel in the fact that he was still allowed to do this. He rested his forehead against Than's after. "I love you, Than. I really do." He looked into his eyes to fully convey the depth of his feelings. "I'm sorry I couldn't say it before."
Thanatos raised a hand to stroke some hair out of Zag's face.
"I'm sorry, too, that I was so impatient before. This... is not my strong suit." He looked deep into Zagreus' eyes. "But I'm happy to hear you say it now."
They kissed again, deeper this time, slowly enjoying the regained closeness of each other.
"I love you too, Zag."