Chapter Text
Jade POV
6:23 PM
Have you ever tried to drive while you're crying? It's not easy at all... I'm barely able to see where I'm going... I was on my way to Tori's house, to ask her help to fix things with Beck. I broke up with him after I found out he was hanging out with Alyssa Vaughn. He claims they are just friends but I know he likes to flirt with other girls, every time I let my guard down... Even if he knows how jealous I am. And it's not like he did anything to get me back since I told him we were over... So a part of me is tempted to be over with him for good this time. But some other part of me just can't let him go... I love him and he loves me... I think. I mean we both told each other that, so I shouldn't have any doubts that we're in love. But I do anyway... It's just... we were so young when we got together and we didn't know one another from very long when we both said we loved each other, so did we really mean it? If yes, and Beck does love me, why does he keep flirting with other girls? And if I do love him why I keep breaking up with him? Why I don't trust him? Why every time we have a fight a part of me just wants to be over with him for good? Maybe we were never really in love in the first place. We were just each other's first girlfriend and boyfriend, so we thought we were. But we weren't.
That makes me cry bitter tears right now, cause if it's true, that means I spent almost two years of my life trying to fix a relationship with someone I was never even in love with.
But no, that can't be. I try to convince myself that I do love him. I mean I was with Beck for two years, so I have to love him and he has to love me back. Right? That's why I have to keep trying to make things work between us (even if deep down I know they aren't working from a long time). It used to be so easy when we were just friends... But as we got together, Beck and I started fighting from the very beginning of our relationship. But we've always find a way to make up. So maybe this is just another fight. But do I really want to keep trying to fix something that continues to break? Even if I'm not sure about it, I've decided that at the moment, yes, I want to.
So yeah, this is how desperate I am to get back together with him right now: I'm willing to ask Vega's help to make peace with Beck. Also I don't really want anyone else from school to see me in this pathetic state. Jade West doesn't cry in front of anyone... Anyone that matters at least. But as I'm just a few houses away from her home, I hear my phone buzzing in my pocket. Normally I would ignore it while I'm driving, but this time I decide to not care and check who texted me. It's a new message from Cat
Reading her last text I start to feel angry at Vega for not minding her businesses. I don't even know if my break up with Beck will be definitive and she already went to tell everyone about it. Well, Cat is not everyone, I know I can trust her, but still... I get another text from Cat asking me if I want to go to her house. So I change my plans. Maybe I don't need Tori's help to fix things with Beck. Maybe I don't need anyone's help. Why should I be the one to make the first move to make peace with him? If he doesn't feel the need to do anything to get me back, maybe I should just let him realize how much he misses me, until he will crawl back to me, begging me to take him back... And if he doesn't... I don't even want to think about it now. I squeeze my eyes for a second and change my destination. I just need to see a friendly face right now. And even if I rarely admit it, the only real friend I ever had is this little bubbly redhead, who cared enough for me to ask me how I was doing right now. A girl who always wanted to be close to me since junior high school: Cat Valentine. I quickly reply to her and she replies back to me immediately
As I pull in the Valentine's driveway and park my car, wiping my tears and the mascara off my face with some tissues, I take a slow calming breath, before getting out of the car and walking to Cat's front door. I ring the doorbell. I feel like a mess. I just don't want to think about Beck tonight, and Cat has always been good at distracting me. The girl is always so cheerful. I don't know how she is able to be like that all the time. I pretend I don't like it, but I actually envy her for that. Cat herself opens the door. "Hiii Jadey!" she smiles at me before frowning as she notices my expression "Come in!" she says letting me in "You look so sad... I'm sorry" she tells me and I roll my eyes
"I'm not sad. Just angry" I lie. She nods slowly but she knows me too well, she knows I'm lying.
"Let's go in my room" she tells me taking my hand in hers but I yank it away
She pouts at me for a moment but says nothing. As we go to her room I make a slightly annoyed face, looking around. Cat's room is full of bright colors, pink being the dominant one, stuffed toys and pictures of puppies and other animals all around. The opposite of mine. Like always I mentally facepalm at the thought that this girl seems to not have grown up in the slightest from when she was 12. The only thing that changed about her is her hair color which she dyed a bright red from a couple of years now. And her body which is definitely more developed now... Not that I payed too much attention to it... I think... Whatever, let's just say it was hard not to notice it. I realize I'm looking at her toned bare legs while I'm thinking that. I look away. How come this girl has to wear either shorts or skirts all the time?
She closes the door behind me as she asks "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No" I immediately reply
"Oh, ok well, we can..." she says but I cut her off unable to stop myself
"I just don't get it... I got it all, I'm so cool, hot and talented, and we have been together for two years now, and this is how he treats me? Beck knows I'm jealous, but he still gives his number to other girls and hangs out with them just so they can hit on him! I can see he likes having chicks crushing on him all the time, even if he says it's not true. I mean, why else he would kiss Tori during alphabet improve? And now he is all buddy-buddy with Alyssa Vaughn, that spoiled skank! How can I trust him if he keeps doing this kind of stuff? I'm so tired of his BS... But at the same time I don't want to lose him I... I don't know what to do... Fuck!" I finish my ramble fighting back the tears that are threatening to escape my eyes again
"Swear!" Cat says pointing a finger at me frowning. I groan, plopping on her bed and pushing some of her stuffed animals away to lie on it. Cat sits next to me and starts to gently massage my forehead with the tip of her fingers.
I look at her questioning "What are you doing?"
"Trying to make you feel better" she says smiling at me
"Then tell me Beck will realize how amazing I am and will do anything to get me back!" I tell her
She looks at me tenderly "Jade, can I tell you something else?"
"What?" I ask her
She looks away for a moment before looking back at me "Do you remember when we first got into Hollywood Arts together? We were so happy... For the first time I was seeing you smile every day"
"The point?" I ask annoyed looking at her... Her chocolate eyes look so beautiful and peaceful it's almost distracting. Wait what? I must be feeling very emotional right now cause I don't know why I just thought of that
"...When we met Beck, you two immediately got along" Cat continues "I must say I was a little jealous cause you were my best friend and then, all of a sudden, I was seeing you hanging out with him all the time" she blushes and looks away for a moment before giggling. I look at her with a puzzled expression. What is she trying to say? "...But I was happy cause he seemed to make you happy too. You two were such good friends... But then you started dating and... You were fighting every day. Because of your jealousy and because Beck complained you didn't trust him. Even though he wasn't exactly doing his best not to make you jealous, I mean why let other girls get all flirty with him when he is already with such a wonderful girl like you? I certainly wouldn't do that... If I were him I mean."
"I know right!" I exclaim, feeling relieved that Cat thinks I'm right to be mad at him... Wait did she just called me 'such a wonderful girl'? And what was that 'I wouldn't do that if I were him'?!
Before I can read too much into it though, she continues "...I'm sorry to say this, but your relationship quickly became toxic for the both of you. That's why I wish that you and Beck would have stayed like you used to be... happy and just friends... " Cat says tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear with a sad smile.
I pull myself up in a sitting position and glare at her. She notices it and looks at me scared "So you're saying we shouldn't get back together? You know I love him and this is your advice? Wow thanks a lot Cat!" I yell at her. Cat's words have made all of my doubts about my relationship with Beck resurface, and I can't stand it. I can't stand this sense of uncertainty and insecurity.
Cat looks mortified at me as I stand up to leave her room "Coming here was a mistake" I say
She jumps after me and grabs my wrist to stop me from opening the door "No! Don't go, please Jadey..."
"Don't call me that!" I glare at her furiously so she corrects herself
"Jade... I'm sorry I didn't mean that... I mean... I shouldn't have said those things... I..." she starts sobbing "I just want to see you happy again. Like you used to be... I'm sorry don't go away. I'm your friend"
I look at her a bit moved from her words but when I'm so angry I'm simply a bitch (more than usual) so I yell
"Let me go, you're not my friend!"
The look Cat gives me as she let my wrist go makes my heart break in two. It's like I slapped her with all my strength across the face.
"I... I'm... not?" She whimpers. I see some huge tears forming in her eyes as she places an hand on her chest with such an hurt expression that she looks like she is in actual physical pain... I can' t stand it, I can't be so hard... Not to her.
I have never been the person to take an interest in others feelings or needs… not even Beck's. But somehow when it comes to Cat... I don't know, I guess I have a soft spot for her. We go way back, so she has grown on me in all these years. I might pretend to be mean to her just like I am with everyone else, but I'm not. Sometimes the opposite. Especially when it's just me and her. She is probably the only person I could never really hurt. I actually like to see her happy. Because... I wish I could say it's cause she is like the sister I never had, but, at the same time I don't think I've ever seen her as a sister. I've always just seen her simply as a girl that I... really like. Even if I would stab myself with my own scissors before admitting it to anyone, Cat included. She is the opposite of me, yeah, but to tell you the truth, that's what I like the most about her. Cat is always cheerful and likes to look at the bright side of things. She sees the best in everyone and always manages to make me smile. Her whole person reminds me that people in the world can be nice, with no second end to it, simply because that's just who they are. And hanging out with her makes me think that maybe I'm not as bad and cold hearted as I pretend to be, and as everyone thinks I am. If Cat cares so much about me, I must be worth caring for, and at the very least a little bit of a good person myself... Right? I don't know. But even for just letting me believe that, I'm grateful to Cat Valentine.
That's why I can't make her think she is not my friend or that I don't care about her. It's just not right...
So I do something I never usually do: I pull her in an hug and start stroking her long red hair softly "I'm sorry Cat. Of course you are my friend... I'm just angry because of Beck right now, you know you don't have to listen to me when I'm like this" I tell her softly while I feel her scent all over me. She smells like strawberry. It's... nice. Cat stays still in my embrace for a bit before I hear a little giggle and feel her enveloping my body with her arms as she pushes herself up on her toes a little to rest her head on my shoulder.
I feel her tears wetting my shirt there, as she calms down "I am sorry Jade. I shouldn't have told you those things. I know how much Beck means to you" she tells me with an hint of sadness in her voice
I pull away looking at her in the eyes "It's OK. I know you care about me. And I'm grateful to you for that" I tell her.
She smiles a big smile and wipes her tears away from her face. "You're sweet Jade" Cat says which takes me by surprise and I can feel myself start blushing.
"No I'm not" I tell her crossing my arms and looking away.
She shrugs and giggles looking at me
"Why would you even say that?" I ask her
"You hugged me... And told me nice things" she says taking my hand in hers.
"Still, I'm always mean to you. So how can you even call me sweet?" I ask her
"You're not always mean... Not to me..." she says. Well of course she noticed that too. Like I said I may have been nicer to Cat than I'm willing to admit (or let people know), during the years. After all I met her when we were kids, and always liked the girl... As a friend, of course.
She is looking down at our joined hands now, before continuing "...And when we are alone you're actually sweet to me, even if you don't want to admit it..." she smiles at me. A genuine happy, big smile. I smile back a little, because her smile is contagious.
I let her hand go soon though, as for some reason my cheeks were beginning to feel warm. Why I keep blushing? And what are all these thoughts about Cat? I usually brush them off as no big deal and pay them no mind, so what's happening tonight? Shit... Maybe I just feel very emotional and in need of comfort, because Beck and I broke up and I've been with him from so long that I've never really took the time to analyze how nice it used to be to just be with Cat, back when it was just me and her and we were best friends. Were? We are still best friends... Yeah I must be so emotional right now to have just thought of that. But is that the only reason I'm feeling this way about her, tonight? All these thoughts about how good I feel to just be in her presence and...
"Jade?" I hear Cat calling me
I snap out of my thoughts looking at her
"Huh?"
She chuckles "You just spaced out! Back with me?"
"Sorry got... A lot on my mind" I say looking away and hoping I'm not still blushing
She nods "Don't worry I often space out too... Like one time in history of the Theater class, I was finding it interesting in the beginning but then I got distracted and I began to think of other things, like how cool would it be to have a lesson outside every now and then? So I started imagining it, and I guess I was daydreaming cause the teacher yelled 'Valentine!' and I almost fell from my chair and then..."
I roll my eyes with a sigh "Cat, stop! You're rambling" I say, sounding a bit harsh, interrupting her.
"Oh sorry!" she apologies
I love Cat, but Jesus she can talk more than a freaking radio sometimes. Wait, what? I love Cat now? As a friend, that's what I meant. Yeah that definetely must have been what I meant. Shit what is it with me tonight?
"Can we just... I don't know watch a movie or something? I want to distract myself" I say, attempting to fight off another blush.
"Kay Kay I know just the right movie!" she replies, bouncing through her room to take a DVD from her collection. I roll my eyes (yeah I do that a lot) at her enthusiasm as I lie on her bed again. She returns waving The Wizard of Oz at me. I look at her with an expression that says 'Seriously?' And she just smiles saying "You remember the last time we have seen this?"
I sigh and look up at the ceiling with my arms behind my head, pretending to be annoyed. But I know my smile is betraying me as I reply "Yeah... Back in junior high. You were so nervous cause you had to audition to be a cheerleader, so I bought you that DVD to distract you"
"Yes! And we watched it together! Aww you remember about it, Jadey!" she says grinning at me
"Yeah... And I also remember that you were able to get in just fine. You looked pretty good as a cheerleader, by the way" ok I don't know why I said that. It just slipped out of my mouth at the memory of her dressed as a cheerleader I guess...
"Aww thank you! I still have my uniform, you know? And it still fits me!" Cat tells me giggling
"Good to know" I say sarcastic. She smiles leaning down to kiss the tip of my nose. I look at her almost shocked... For a moment I thought she was going to kiss me on the lips... I look at her stunned as she just bounces away from me, like that was no big deal, to put the DVD in the player, turning the TV on. Then she opens the door to leave her room.
"Cat? Where are you going?" I yell after her
"I'll be back in a seeeec!" she says in a sing song voice from her corridor. I sigh and take the remote to start the movie. She returns with a bowl of marshmallows that she places near me as she takes her stuffed purple giraffe and jumps on the bed, next to me.
"Marshmallows?" I ask her.
She nods smiling "My mom usually doesn't want me to eat sweets before bed, as you know, but she said I could this time, cause I told her I had my best friend over!" I feel my heart flutter hearing her say once more that I'm her best friend despite the fact that I've been a bitch to her earlier, saying I don't even consider her a friend. But quite frankly I think not even her is naive enough to really believe I was serious when I said that. She just wanted to hear me say that she is my friend. She knows I can't stand seeing her crying so she did just that to get exactly what she wanted: me telling her she is my friend and hugging her to make her feel better. Cat is smarter than she looks. I learned that a long time ago. I even allowed her to kiss me on the nose and said nothing. Even though I mostly didn't say anything cause I was surprised... In a good way. I wonder why I'm feeling so... weird about her right now?
"You're staying over, right? We can share my bed like the old times" Cat asks me hopeful, distracting me from my thoughts once again. Only Cat can make me smile by looking so adorable, like she is hoping with all of her heart that I will say yes, cause she knows we didn't have a sleepover in ages. See, Cat might be the only kind of cute I can actually tolerate... And secretly like. So how can I say no?
I smile "Sure. As long as you have some clothes for me for the night, that can fit me... unless you want me to sleep with you in just my underwear" I let out a chuckle
"Oh it wouldn't be a problem for me, actually, that would be so..." she trails off and blushes almost as red as her hair looking away from me. She lets out one of her usual giggles but this one seems more like a nervous laugh "I mean, you can borrow one of my jammies, I'm sure I can find one that will fit you!" she says. I look at her. What was that? Did she really just said that? Was Cat hoping I would have actually slept half naked with her? Nah that can't be... Right? Whatever I won't try to question her about it. I keep having these weird feelings about her enough as it is, tonight.
I say nothing and we just start watching the movie while occasionally eating some marshmallows. I'm looking at the TV but not really watch it as I start thinking about Beck again. How could he let that Alyssa Vaughn hit on him so blatantly and have the guts to tell me I was making a scene at him over nothing? What if Cat is right? What if all the doubts I already had were justified? Maybe Beck and I need some time apart to decide if we actually work better as friends rather than lovers... And to think I was about to ask Tori's help to take him back right away just few minutes ago... Since when you became so spineless West?
At some point during the movie I feel Cat lightly poking my side with her fingers. I turn my head to glare at her and tell her to stop when I see her with her mouth full of marshmallows and her cheeks looking huge. I start giggling "What the...?"
"C... ubb... buuuny" she says or rather tries to say.
I laugh "Chubby Bunny?" I ask her She nods and points at the half empty bowl and then to my mouth to tell me to do the same with the marshmallows that are left "Oh no... I'm not doing it" I tell her smirking
"Co... on..." she tries to say and I laugh again
"Nope" I reply to her. She looks at me pouting with her huge cheeks before her face lights up as she jumps on me straddling my thighs "Cat! What are you doing? Are you...?" I say but she is already grabbing a bunch of marshmallows and shoving them in my mouth taking the opportunity that I was talking "C...aaa...!" I protest trying to push her off me but she has already grabbed another handful of marshmallows trying to make me eat them. I laugh and in the end I let her do it and she keeps this up until the bowl is empty and my mouth is full just like hers. We look at each other smiling between choked laughs before I start tickling her and she starts shaking on my legs and has to spit the marshmallows back in the bowl releasing them from her mouth to let out her chuckles. I do the same after her, before placing the bowl away on her bedside table while she is still giggling, laying in front of me with her head at the foot of the bed
"Not fair! You weren't supposed to start tickling me Jade!" Cat says between her laughters
"Now now, you know I don't play fair" I tell her as I sit on my knees and grab one of her bare feet to start tickling her under her sole.
She gasp and starts laughing even more trying to free her ankle from my grip "Jadey! Hahahahahahaha stop! You know... Hahahahahahaha I'm so... Hahahaha ticklish! Hahaha" Cat laughs kicking her other foot and trying to slid off her bed to get away from me.
I start giggling too at her reaction "Where do you think you're going?" I say and grab her other ankle but I accidentally pull her too close to me until I find myself right between her bare legs. She sits up and her face is so close to mine right now I can feel her uneven breath on my skin. She stops chuckling immediately, looking at me serious. I stare at her gaping. Good lord she is so fucking beautiful so upclose... How could I never notice? Actually I noticed it, but never took the time to fully appreciate how gorgeous she really is. But now my eyes take in everything about her flawless face: her chocolate eyes, her perfect nose, flaming red hair and then I found myself staring at her pink lips. I feel myself blush always more when I notice her face is also flushed and that she is staring at me too. Both of us seem unable to say a word but neither of us wants to pull away from the other and interrupt this moment. After what felt like ages Cat reaches my face with her hand to touch my cheek, caressing it lightly with her fingers. Her lips part in awe and I can see the white pearls of her teeth for a moment. My heart is starting to beat always faster when I decide to pull away placing my hands on her hips (my hands burning at the contact) to gently push her away and put some distance between us.
She looks away from me embarrassed and back at the TV that is still playing the movie. "Gotta pee!" Cat says before she bounces off her bed and runs out of the room.
I'm still trying to wrap my head around what just happened. It seemed like we were about to... kiss. And both of us seemed to want it... What the fuck? Since when Cat swings that way? Since when I swing that way? I arrived here crying my eyes out because of my boyfriend and then I was about to kiss Cat? A girl? Do I have feelings for my best friend? Does she have feelings for me? What is going on? No it can't be... We were just fooling around and our crazy teenage hormones just decided to make us a little confused there. But in the end we didn't do anything weird... Well, not too weird at least... So everything is normal. No need to overthink it.
I'm glad that when Cat returns in her room smiling, she seems to be thinking the same thing as she plops on her bed like nothing happened hugging her purple giraffe at her. "Oh no! The flying monkeys!" she exclaims pointing at the movie and continuing to comment from time to time like it's the first time she has ever seen it. Same old Cat. Everything is normal. But it isn't... Not completely at least. When the movie ends and she gives me one of her pajamas, and I need to change she excuses herself again and goes to the bath with a blush. Weird. She went to the bath not long ago. Maybe she just needed to brush her teeth or something right now, but it seemed to me that she just wanted to avoid having to change in front of me. Which is weird. Cat and I always used to change around each other when we were little so why it should be a big deal now that we are older? It isn't... Right? Then why am I feeling relieved to have some privacy right now? Like I don't know if I would have been able to resist from peeking at her beautiful body while she would have stripped, in front of me? Wait I just thought of that? Why? I shake my head. There's nothing wrong to admit that a friend has a beautiful body... I think.
When she returns she is already in her own pajamas (a purple shirt with candies drawn on it and long pink pants) and I am in mine (knowing my tastes she gave me one of her PJs with less colors, a simple blue shirt and white pants with green polka dots). I use the bath after her, to wash what's left of my heavy make up off my face, and do my business.
When I return to her room she is on her bed patting the space next to her. I go lie with her and she smiles at me as we both get under the covers "Let me tell you a bedtime story!" Cat says as soon as she wraps the sheets around us, her purple giraffe always with her and between us.
I groan "Noooo!" but she starts anyway. She starts a random story about a kitten who had fallen in love with a bunny but was too scared to tell him because they were too different and she wasn't sure he would have reciprocated her feelings. I don't pay much attention to it but maybe I should have had...
I pretend to be asleep already midway through the story hoping that she will just stop talking and I feel grateful when I hear silence and understand that it worked. She turns off her bedside lamp and whispers "Nighty night, Jadey" caressing my head lightly. As I'm about to really drift off to sleep I hear her start talking to herself after some minutes. She is whispering but being so close to her in the bed I'm able to hear her. I open one eye certain that she can't see me because of the dark and I notice that she is holding her purple giraffe in front of her. She is talking to her stuffed animal... Typical Cat... I hope it won't be a long conversation, as I close my eyes again trying to sleep cause I really need some sleep after a day like today.
But then I hear her saying something that gets my attention to the point that my eyes blow open: "... So Mr. Purple... What am I supposed to do? Jade's my friend. My best friend. I can't ruin everything. I need to get over my feelings for her... I know I've been saying this from years Mr. Purple, but I can't just ignore my heart... I know she is with Beck. He is a good guy and also my friend... But he doesn't treat her right... I mean he is nice but... She deserves better... He always flirts with other girls. He doesn't know how lucky he is to be with her... I just want her to be happy. I know I could make her happy... But she doesn't like me. Well I guess she likes me, but I don't think she could ever like-like me, you know? ... So we just need to be friends" she stops talking and I see her hugging her stuffed giraffe at her sitting up. She is sobbing rubbing her eyes.
I close my eyes as I see her looking at me. "Jadey? Jade?... Are you awake? Jade? " she whisper softly in my ear, shaking my arm lightly like to make sure I was sleeping. I pretend to be asleep even snoring a little and she believes it. I know she does because otherwise she would have never had the courage to do the next thing she does, which sends a jolt thoughtout my body. She leans down on me and I feel her long hair tickling my face as she presses her lips on mine.
She kisses me, a soft, gentle kiss on my mouth. Her lips taste a little salty because of her tears but they still feel amazing to kiss. I hope she doesn't realize that my heart started beating three times faster the moment she placed her lips on mine. I'm half tempted to respond to the kiss when suddenly she pulls away after just a few seconds and snuggles with her back into me taking one of my arms and making me wrap it around her tiny body. I hear her release a content little giggle.
"I just had to do it, don't look at me like that Mr. Purple! It could have been my only chance to kiss her... And it was amazing" she whispers
After that, in barely five minutes she is already snoring, asleep.
I can't sleep instead... I'm shocked... Cat has feelings for me... From years apparently. How could I not see that? All I know is that I'm currently in bed with her, feeling confused as fuck, after I broke up with my boyfriend.
And on top of all, I just can't stop thinking of how good her soft lips felt on my own, just few minutes ago. And how tempted I was to kiss her back. It was like I was waiting for that moment, from I don't even know how long...
It's not only the kiss, but also how I felt with her tonight... In the last two years with Beck, it's like I had forgotten of how good it is to just hang out with Cat, how simple it is to be with her, to talk to her, and how happy she can make me feel like no one else. And tonight not only I remembered that, but I also felt something for her, something more than friendship...
Do I also have feelings for her? Feelings that were always there, but that I never tried to understand in all these years?