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Laura drags them outside during the first snowfall of the year.
They wake to the sight of the fresh white blanket covering the ground outside of their room. Laura wriggles out from underneath Carmilla’s arm, much to Carmilla’s chagrin, to stand in the window with childlike excitement lighting up her eyes. She rushes back to the bed, jumping on it and telling Carmilla excitedly, “We have to go out there.” Carmilla groans and tries to protest, (“Babe, it’s so early.” “It’s 1pm.” “That’s the middle night of the night for me.” “You’re already awake!”) but then Laura widens her eyes and pushes her bottom lip out into a pout and Carmilla relents. Laura grabs her face and kisses her and Carmilla knows she’ll agree to anything Laura asks if it means she keeps kissing her like that.
She puts on a light sweater and jeans and tries to tell Laura that she’s ready. Laura snorts. “Oh no. I know you’re a vampire and the ‘temperature doesn’t affect you’” Laura makes air quotes and lowers her voice an octave – her typical ‘I’m mocking you’ voice, and Carmilla rolls her eyes. “But you’ve got to put on some layers. Please? For me?” And there come the eyes again. Carmilla wonders if perhaps Laura’s catching on to how weak the pout makes her.
“Fine. But don’t expect me to wear anything with a fur hood.” She grumbles and gestures to the obscenely large hood that rests on Laura’s shoulders. It’s Laura’s turn to roll her eyes. From the closet, she tosses her an oversized sweater. Carmilla catches the sweater with one hand. She holds it out in front of her and rolls her eyes at it. Laura peeks out from behind the door of the wardrobe.
“Put it on!” She exclaims. Carmilla huffs as she pulls the bulky red thing over her head. With a satisfied smile, Laura turns back into closet and emerges a few moments later with a large, bulky scarf. She throws it over Carmilla’s head and takes a step closer to her when she wraps it around the second time. Carmilla’s hair is mussed and she’s glaring it the rogue pieces out of the corner of her eye. Laura smooths the scarf across Carmilla’s shoulders and then grabs Carmilla’s face between her hands. Carmilla wrinkles her nose. Laura kisses it. Her hands remain on Carmilla’s cool cheeks and Carmilla’s mouth upturns. Laura smiles. Her eyes then brighten and she jumps in excitement, her hands falling from Carmilla’s face – leaving the spot where they once sat cold and empty. She’s digging through the closet again and Carmilla watches her with an amused smile on her face. Laura stands on her tiptoes, a small patch of skin exposed between her puffy jacket and her jeans. Carmilla’s eyes fixate on it. She’s so transfixed on the patch of skin, she doesn’t see what Laura has in her hands until she’s brought back to attention by Laura slamming a beanie on top of her head. She pulls it down nearly over her eyes and her nostrils flare. Laura giggles and she folds the bottom up. Carmilla fixes Laura with a glare when her eyes are finally visible again. Laura is laughing and biting down on the corner of her lip with a sharp incisor. Her eyes are lit with mirth and butterflies erupt in Carmilla’s stomach. Laura always makes her feel so. Normal. It’s a thrill. “You look….comfy.” Laura say through laughter and Carmilla quirks an eyebrow.
“Yeah, yeah. Are we finished playing dress up now?” She asks and while she tries to sound even a little bit annoyed, she just simply sounds amused. Laura nods. She reaches a gloved hand out and grabs Carmilla’s bare one. Laura laces their fingers together and Carmilla bites down on her lip to keep her smile from splitting her face. She looks over at Laura out of the corner of her eye. They’re walking and Carmilla can swear Laura is actually vibrating from excitement. They pause in front of the elevator and Laura moves closer to Carmilla. Laura’s eyes are watching the number at the top of the elevator – waiting for it to get to the third floor. Carmilla’s eyes watch Laura. She glows and Carmilla is, momentarily, grateful that she gets to spend any amount of time in her light. There’s a light smile on Carmilla’s face. Laura then looks at Carmilla from the corner of her eye and Carmilla’s head bows. Laura turns toward her.
“Is there something on my face?” She asks. Carmilla laughs. She leans in and kisses Laura’s cheek, which blushes. Carmilla shakes her head.
“You’re beautiful.” She says simply and the blush on Laura’s cheeks spreads even more. Her head bows now and Carmilla feels something swell in the pit of her stomach. It bubbles through her and she’s about to say something when the elevator pings. She feels her shoulders relax (though she hadn’t been aware they were tensed at all) and Laura pulls them into the elevator.
As Laura chatters excitedly about the snow, it occurs to Carmilla that she would be content to let Laura pull her anywhere.
-
They stay outside for most of the day. Laura’s clothes are soaked (and that’s partially Carmilla’s fault – she’d tackled her down into the snow to kiss her while they were playing ‘a totally adult game of hide and seek’ – Laura’s words not hers) and she’s shivering. They trudge back into the dorm and Laura’s teeth are chattering. Carmilla’s given up her bulky scarf to Laura, who has her face buried in it, and Carmilla has one of her arms wrapped securely around Laura’s shoulders. Laura’s teeth are chattering and Carmilla kisses the top of her head. “We’re almost….” She trails off. She leaves ‘home’ unsaid. Laura understands. She nods into Carmilla’s shoulder.
Carmilla unlocks the door and walks Laura to the bed. She sits, still shivering. Carmilla picks up the blanket that was resting behind her and drapes it around Laura’s shoulders. “I’ll go run a bath.” She says and Laura tries to protest.
“N-n-no. I-I’ll be f-f-fine. J-j-just. C-come here.” Carmilla shakes her head.
“You need to warm up. I don’t give off body heat. I won’t be able to help you.” Carmilla explains and Laura nods, a particularly large shiver going through her. Carmilla kisses her cheek.
“I’ll run it quickly.” Carmilla says, moving toward the bathroom door. Laura makes a noise and Carmilla pauses.
“W-w-ill you…” She pauses and looks at Carmilla with wide eyes and her teeth clamped down on her bottom lip. If her cheeks weren’t already read from cold, Carmilla’s sure they’d be lit now with a blush. Carmilla smirks.
“If you wanted to get me naked cutie, all you had to do was ask.” She replies and she hears a responsive chuckle as she turns into the bathroom and turns the knobs on the bathtub. She sits on the covered toilet while the water runs.
They’ve only been together a few weeks. After the dramatic rescue and impulsive kiss, Carmilla wasted no time in making sure Laura knew exactly how much she cared for her. Somewhere between that last kiss and Laura trying to get her to tell her story to the camera, Carmilla had run her hands through Laura’s hair and whispered in her ear that she wanted Laura to be her girlfriend. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.
Laura agreed with a simple yes. Carmilla figured it was the closest to speechless Laura would ever get.
It’s been an adjustment. Boundaries had to be changed and while Carmilla had been used to living with the girl she cares deeply for, it’s a foreign concept to live with the girl who also cares deeply for her.
Betty left – Carmilla had nearly forced her out with a few well timed comments about keeping blood in the fridge and leaving her empty blood mug out where Betty could see it. She’d cleared her things out within a few days.
They pushed their beds together.
That first night, after Carmilla had come back, Laura refused to let her go. They’d had to migrate off of Betty’s bed once she’d returned to the room but Laura never let go of her hand. It was nearing midnight and Carmilla had said that she needed to find some place to crash for the night. Laura had looked up at her with the eyes and asked her to stay. Carmilla couldn’t say no.
Once Betty moved out, it seemed kind of. Obvious. To push the beds together for the rest of the semester. Laura likes to sleep tight up against Carmilla, arm thrown over her waist. They don’t talk about it but Carmilla knows it’s because Laura’s scared that she’ll disappear again. Carmilla thinks that maybe they’re not at that level yet. After all, it’s only been a few weeks. There’s a lot of things that remain unsaid between them.
Laura’s just barely stopped saying, ‘I know you’re not doing it for me’ whenever she does something that falls within the realm of ‘nice’. Carmilla is, admittedly, curious as to why Laura seems to unwilling to accept that she is in fact the motivation for most everything that Carmilla does.
She doesn’t ask. She wants to, of course she does, but she’s willing to wait for Laura to tell her.
The tub is nearly full. She stands from the toilet seat, shutting the knobs. She pauses and decides to throw in some of that bubble bath stuff Laura likes and walks back out into the bedroom. Laura is still huddled beneath the blanket though the shaking seems to have settled down. Carmilla reaches a hand out and says, “C’mon, the bath is ready.” Her voice is soft and Laura looks up at her with a grateful smile. Laura slides her cold hand into Carmilla’s, slipping the blanket off of her shoulders. She wraps an arm around Laura’s waist. She doesn’t have to anymore – Laura can stand on her own, but she likes to feel Laura close to her. This gives her an excuse.
Carmilla kicks the bathroom door shut behind them and her arm falls away from Laura. Wordlessly, and facing each other, they begin to undress. Carmilla’s eyes don’t leave Laura’s face. She knows that while they are getting naked together, this moment is not intended to be sexual. She won’t take advantage of it as such. Laura, however, has some difficulty keeping her eyes trained above Carmilla’s bare shoulders. Her face is still red and Carmilla swears her blush deepens each time her eyes flit to just below her collar bones. Carmilla smiles softly. She lifts a hand and tucks a strand of hair behind Laura’s ears. “Relax.” She whispers and Laura lets out a soft sigh. Carmilla turns and climbs into the tub. Her back is rubbing uncomfortably against the spigot and she feels the temperature knobs digging into her shoulders but Carmilla doesn’t mind. Carmilla is completely submerged in the bubbles when Laura quickly steps into the tub, sitting on the opposite end. Her feet hit Carmilla’s thigh and she jerks them up, hugging them close to herself. Carmilla reaches across the tub. She has to lean forward but she uses her fingers to tilt Laura’s head up. “Hey,” She says softly, “You don’t have to be scared to touch me, okay?” Laura stares at her for a moment, her eyes wide. They flutter closed for a moment and then, slowly, she nods.
“I know. I guess I just never pictured my – our – first time seeing each other.” She pauses and she shrugs her shoulders and pulls her bottom lip between her teeth. She looks down shyly, for a moment, before she looks back up at Carmilla through her eyelashes. “You know. To be in a bath. Because I nearly froze to death.” Laura jokes and it brings a small smirk to Carmilla’s face. The tops of Laura’s knees are visible just above the line of bubbles in the tub.
“Remind me not to tackle you into a snowbank next time I want to kiss you.” She teases and Laura laughs now. The tips of her hair are submerged in the water. She looks like some kind of mythical creature like this. A mermaid, maybe. Her hair is long and falls beautifully over her shoulders. Her skin glistens and even under the harsh white light of the bathroom, Carmilla can even swear that it glows. Her nose is red, still, and the heat of the bath is causing her cheeks to flush. Her bottom lip is red from the amount of times that she’s taken it between her lips since they’ve been back inside of the room. She dips her head into the curve of her shoulder and shrugs just a bit, a small grin on her face.
“It was worth it.” She say so low it’s nearly a whisper. Carmilla grins now though. Her hands slide down off of Laura’s knees and she leans back again. She gestures to Laura with two fingers.
“C’mere.” Laura’s eyebrow raises skeptically and Carmilla shakes her head, dispelling any potential sexual thoughts from Laura’s head. “Let me wash your hair.” She says and Laura’s eyes lighten. She nods and shifts herself (with minimal struggle) so she’s leaning back against Carmilla’s legs, which are pulled up tightly to her chest. Carmilla dips her hands in the tub and takes water between her cupped hands. She drops it down from the top of Laura’s head. She takes her time and Laura doesn’t make a sound while she continues to wet her hair. She’s careful not to miss any spots. When she’s confident that she’s gotten everything, she takes the shampoo bottle from the edge of the tub and puts some on her hands. She rubs her palms together and then slowly drags her now sudsy hands down the length of Laura’s hair. Her fingers drag slowly through Laura’s hair, getting caught on a few knots that she works through. She pays special attention to her scalp, massing her fingers into it, much to Laura’s pleasure.
Carmilla’s about halfway through when she says, “My mom,” And she pauses, clearing her throat, to correct herself. “My birth mom used to do this. She wouldn’t wash my hair, obviously we didn’t have shampoos made out of harsh chemicals in the 1690s but when I would bathe, she would take the water in her hands and run her fingers though my hair.” She stops, a nostalgic smile gracing her face. “It was lovely. Special.” She says and she hopes that Laura might pick up on what she’s saying. She can’t see her face but she knows that Laura’s smiling.
“That’s sweet.” She responds and Carmilla deflates just slightly. She knows that Laura isn’t the sort to pick up on any sort of subtle hint. She needs it spelled out for her in bold, obvious print before she picks up on anything. Carmilla nods, though Laura can’t see her. She takes her fingers away from Laura’s head and dips them into the water, clearing her hands of bubbles.
“It was.” She says before taking water in her hands again and starting in on getting the suds out from Laura’s hair. They go quiet again and Carmilla’s hands work quickly. Soon, Laura’s hair is washed and bubble free. Carmilla’s hands drift from Laura’s hair over to her bare shoulders. She leans in and says, “Lean back.” Laura nods and they move together until Carmilla is resting against the tub and Laura is resting against her. Laura’s head is in the crook of her shoulder with her eyes closed. Carmilla’s arms are wrapped around her and her fingers drag lightly up and down the tops of Laura’s arms.
They’re quiet again and Carmilla doesn’t mind it.
She’s not thinking about her Mother, not again, because she’s spent too many years reminiscing. She’s had centuries to look back on the special things her birth Mother used to do for her. The years she spent in the coffin were especially devoted to remembering the things that brought her happiness.
She rarely speaks of her past. She knows to leave the past where it is because to bring it up only brings in cobwebs and heartache so she leaves it be. But she wants to share that part of herself with Laura. She’s never quite felt like that before.
It occurs to her, as Laura turns her head and gently kisses her neck, that this is the first time she’s ever been naked and alone with a girl where sex has not been the endgame. She’s attracted to Laura – that much is obvious but this moment is more than that.
This is intimacy.
It’s something she hasn’t had in a long time.
She feels her heart swell when she looks down at Laura, unable to stop a smile from stretching across her face.
She knows she was in love with Ell. There was no doubt in her about that. But she feels more for Laura than she ever felt for Ell in the time that they were together. So what’s bigger than love?
She doesn’t know. But she’s willing to find out.
They stay in the bath until the bubbles finally begin to evaporate and Laura’s fingers begin to prune. She’s rubbing her fingers together, wrinkling her nose at them, when Carmilla suggests that it’s time to get out. Carmilla averts her eyes as Laura climbs out of the bathtub. She only looks up again when she hears a laugh and Laura saying, “I’m decent. You can look.” Carmilla does and Laura’s smiling at her affectionately. She opens the door walks out of the bathroom, the door slowly closing behind her. Carmilla now climbs out of the tub, unplugging the drain. She wraps her towel securely around herself and takes her time drying herself off. The steam is still heavy in the room and she stands across from the fogged mirror. She lifts a finger to it. She drags it down and makes one line. She turns toward the door and sees that it’s still shut. She turns back to the mirror. She keeps writing.
When she finally pulls her finger back from the mirror, she looks at what she wrote.
She’s scrawled out the words, ‘I love you’ in the fog on the mirror.
She bites down on her bottom lip. There’s a weight off of her shoulders now that she’s put the words somewhere. She hasn’t said them in years. She doesn’t know how they’ll taste coming off of her tongue but she thinks that maybe they’ll taste like Laura.
There’s a knock on the door and Carmilla jumps, using her hand to quickly erase the words. The door doesn’t open but she hears Laura say, “You can come out now. I have so many layers on I practically feel like a Nun.” She says and Carmilla laughs. She walks over to the door and opens it. Laura’s smirking.
“You’re ridiculous.” Carmilla comments as she pushes past Laura and over to her own dresser.
“So we were just naked. In a bathtub. Together.” Laura says, pausing after each word. Carmilla laughs.
“I remember.” She quips and Laura is moving to stand next to her now.
“Does that mean you’ve moved back off of your ‘we need to wait’ position?” She hears hopefulness in Laura’s voice and she laughs as she shakes her head. She turns to Laura, grabbing her face between her hands.
“It’s not a position, cutie. I just want to take my time with you.” Carmilla starts. She rubs Laura’s cheekbone with a free thumb. “I don’t want to skip any steps. I did things all wrong the last time I had a girl I cared about in front of me. I’m not willing to let that happen again.” Laura sighs but she nods. Carmilla leans in and kisses Laura intensely. When she pulls back, Laura’s mouth is still half open and her eyes are closed. Carmilla’s hands fall back down to her sides.
“And I enjoy watching you squirm too much to give in just yet.” Carmilla says and she walks away from Laura with a snicker.
As she closes the bathroom door behind her, she hears Laura’s sigh. She grins to herself.
She dresses quickly. She’s taken to wearing Laura’s t-shirts to sleep and not much else. Laura is already laying on their joint bed, flipping through her Anthropology textbook. Carmilla reclines next to her. Laura’s head is soon resting in her lap and Carmilla is playing with her hair as she reads over Laura’s shoulder.
Laura falls asleep first. The book falls to rest on her chest and she’s curled up against Carmilla’s legs, her head still in her lap. Carmilla tries to move as little as possible while she picks the book up and closes it, putting it behind her onto Laura’s shelf. She leans over and flicks the light above Laura off. She keeps her hand running through Laura’s hair and eventually, she finds herself dozing off.
-
They’re set to leave Silas for winter break in a few days and Laura’s got something on her mind. Carmilla can tell by the way she’s staring. And by the way she keeps opening and closing her mouth each time Carmilla catches her. Laura’s sitting at the desk and Carmilla’s got a book in her hands when she finally gets fed up with watching Laura almost tell her something. She lays the book down on her lap and says, “Alright cupcake, spit it out.” Laura freezes. She slowly turns herself around her chair. Her hands are grasping at the sides of the chair and she’s got a nervous look on her face. Carmilla’s eyebrows are raised in questioning.
“I know you said that you had somewhere to go for the break. But.” She pauses and looks up at Carmilla. “I asked my Dad and he said that it’d be okay if you wanted….to come stay with us for Christmas.” She rushes out the last few words and Carmilla thinks that if her heart still had a beat, it would have frozen. She opens her mouth once and then she closes it.
“I think I might like that very much.” She echoes her reply from the night Laura invited her to the Zeta party. Laura is squealing and she’s up and out of her chair within seconds. She jumps on the bed and throws her arms around Carmilla’s shoulders. She buries her face in Carmilla’s hair and Carmilla softly rubs her back. Laura leans back onto her knees and she’s practically buzzing with excitement.
“Does your Dad…know?” She wags her finger between the two of them and Laura nods.
“I told him that you’re my girlfriend. He doesn’t know that you’re a vampire, I figured that would be too much for him to handle right now so we’ll have to figure out a blood situation but I think we can work it out.” She’s so excited and Carmilla is too – truly, but there’s something fluttering underneath the surface. She knows it’s nerves. She’s never done the meet the parents thing. She’s never come close to caring enough about a girl to want to meet her parents. With Ell, she’d already been living with her Father so a meeting was…unnecessary and frankly, wouldn’t have gone over well back then. Laura’s still talking and Carmilla tunes herself back in, just in time for Laura to lean in and kiss her cheek and say, “He’s going to love you. Just like-” And she trails off. Carmilla feels her stomach flutter and she bites down on the corner of her lip to keep her smile down. She pretends like she doesn’t notice when Laura presses on without acknowledging her unfinished sentence.
-
Carmilla’s wearing that oversized sweater again.
Laura forced her into it (with a pout and a comment of, ‘You look adorable in it’).
Laura is bouncing with excitement. Their hands are intertwined and Carmilla can feel Laura’s hand shaking in her own. They’re both wearing mittens (another involuntary clothing choice) and Carmilla brings their intertwined hands up to her lips. She kisses Laura’s hand gently. Laura stops moving. She looks over at Carmilla with a smile. “What was that for?” She asks and Carmilla shrugs.
“I wanted you to stop shaking.” She says simply and Laura laughs, knocking her shoulder into Carmilla’s.
“I’m just really excited for you to meet my Dad.” She replies and Carmilla nods her head. Now it’s her turn to shake. She’s about to say something when the train (finally) pulls up. Carmilla lets Laura drag her onto the train and they settle into their seats. Carmilla gets the window and nearly as soon as the train starts moving, Laura is asleep on her shoulder. She shifts so she can reach down and pull her sketch book from her backpack. She twirls her pencil between her fingers and glances at Laura out of the side of her eye. Her hand starts to swipe across the paper of its own accord. She keeps her eyes focused on the paper but sneaks occasional glances at Laura’s sleeping face. She looks so peaceful like this. Unbothered. Unbroken.
She finishes just before the train pulls into the station. It’s a rough sketch – not perfect by any means but it’s Laura and she adores anything that immortalizes her beauty. She figures that in a hundred years, she’ll appreciate having drawn Laura’s sleeping face when she doesn’t get to wake up to it anymore.
Laura’s still sleeping as the train comes to a stop. Carmilla reaches across herself and she pokes Laura’s cheek. Laura shifts but her eyes remain closed. Carmilla whispers, “Laura. Laura. We’re here.” And she punctuates her statement with another poke to her cheek. Laura’s head finally rises from Carmilla’s shoulder. Her eyes are sleepy and her hair is mussed. She yawns and her nose wrinkles as her mouth closes. Carmilla’s smile is soft as she watches Laura rid herself of the last remnants of sleep. “The train just pulled in.” She says again and Laura’s eyes immediately brighten. She’s up and out of her seat, pulling Carmilla up with her, after a few more moments. They grab their things and Laura pulls Carmilla off of the train. There are quite a few people on the platform but Laura sees somebody off to their left and pulls Carmilla in that direction. As the people around them disperse, a man comes into Carmilla’s view. He has a sign that says, “Laura Hollis + Girlfriend”. It makes Carmilla smile. He’s standing with a straight back and when he sees Laura, his face melds into a grin. She lets go of Carmilla’s hand to run up to her father. She wraps her arms around his neck and he drops the sign into one of his hands, wrapping his arms around Laura’s waist. He spins her around and kisses her on the forehead before she puts her feet back on the ground. Carmilla watches the exchange with a smile of her own.
“It’s good to see you, kid.” He says and Carmilla can hear the tears peppering his voice. She feels a pang, whether of nerves or nostalgia she isn’t sure. Laura turns around then and beckons to Carmilla with a wave of her hand. Hesitantly, she steps forward. He greets Carmilla with a smile and an outstretched hand. “You must be Carmilla. It’s nice to meet you.” He says and Carmilla grabs his hand with her own. She gives it a firm shake and he looks at her, impressed. “Solid handshake you got there kid.” He says and Carmilla smiles.
“Thank you, sir.” She responds and her voice isn’t nearly as shaky as she thought it would be. He nods at her and then looks back toward Laura, who had been looking between them with an excited grin.
“C’mon. The cars running and I don’t want to waste gas.” He takes Laura’s bags from her and reaches out for Carmilla’s. Carmilla opens her mouth to refuse but Laura gives her a meaningful look and she relinquishes her hold on the duffel bag quickly. He pulls ahead of them and Laura grabs onto Carmilla’s arm. She squeals.
“He likes you!” She whispers excitedly. Carmilla half smiles and looks at Laura. Laura’s hand drags down and she grabs Carmilla’s hand as they begin to walk behind Laura’s dad. Laura’s leaning into her shoulder and she says, lowly as if she’s trying to make sure Carmilla doesn’t hear. “But not as much as I do.” Carmilla grins then but she pretends not to hear.
“Runs in the family.” She retorts. She doesn’t want Laura to know how….relieved she is to hear that. She was nervous, still is, that Laura’s Dad would hate her on principle. She was the girl dating his little girl. She figured an overprotective parent such as Laura’s Dad would be incredibly against someone dating Laura. But he seems to be…more relaxed than she had imagined.
Their bags are already in the car, along with Laura’s dad, when they finally make their way to the small vehicle. He has the bags stacked in the front seat and Carmilla catches him throw a wink toward Laura as the pair of them climb into the backseat of the car.
They only disconnect their hands long enough to settle into the seat and then Laura reaches out and interlaces her fingers with Carmilla’s again. Carmilla can’t stop her eyes from flitting up to the back of Laura’s father’s head but his eyes are trained firmly on the road as he begins to pull the car out of the parking lot. Laura’s thumb runs over Carmilla’s knuckles and she looks to Carmilla with a soft smile that tugs at Carmilla’s heart, in the best way. She’s still so…soft. She’s been through years of trauma in only a few short months and she still manages to keep the light in her eyes and a smile on her face. It’s more than Carmilla could say for herself. She’d let her circumstances jade her over and over again and while she knows it’s too late for herself, she thinks that Laura’s optimism is worth protecting.
They’re on the road for two minutes when Laura’s dad asks about their semester. They share a grimace before Laura launches into the story she had concocted a few nights previous. They’d agreed they wouldn’t share the real details of the semester with Laura’s dad. It would only make him worry and this visit wasn’t about making him worry.
Laura rambles and keeps her Dad’s attention on her for most of the ride. Carmilla sits in comfortable silence. She watches Laura.
Halfway through the ride, Laura turns to look out the window. They’re riding through the middle of the countryside and Laura’s eyes look wistful. There’s a lull of comfortable silence in the car and Laura sighs. “This is my favorite part of the drive. No matter what time of year it is, the fields always look so colorful. It’s beautiful.” She says and Carmilla isn’t looking out of the window when she says,
“Yeah. Beautiful.”
Laura doesn’t notice.
-
They’re in different bedrooms – much to Laura’s chagrin.
Laura tries to protest when her Dad says that he made up the guest bedroom for Carmilla but Carmilla just rests a hand on the small of her back and says, “It’s okay, Laura. I think it’s a good idea.”
Laura quiets and sighs. “Fine. But I’m not keeping the door open.” She says and turns her nose up at her Dad. She walks up the stairs, huffing. She’s on the first step when she turns and says to Carmilla, “Are you coming?” Carmilla laughs and Laura’s Dad shoots her a smirk and a raised eyebrow that she hesitantly returns. The smirk remains on his face as Carmilla trails behind Laura on the stairs.
They reach the top of the stairs and when Laura’s certain they’re out of view of her father, she wraps her arms around Carmilla’s waist. She rests her head against Carmilla’s chest and Carmilla presses a kiss to the side of her temple. “I hate your gentlewoman side.” Laura murmurs into Carmilla’s shoulder. Carmilla laughs.
“You’ll be fine. It’s only for a little while and then we’ll be back at Silas, in our bed.” She adds emphasis to the word our and she feels Laura smile against the bare skin of her chest. She pulls back, yawning, and kisses Carmilla gently on the mouth. She pulls away only when a yawn begins to shake her frame. Carmilla leans back and rubs her hands down Laura’s arms. She kisses her forehead. “Go to sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.” Laura nods and slides her arms from Carmilla’s waist. They kiss one more time and retreat in their separate bedrooms.
-
Carmilla doesn’t sleep that night. She finds that without Laura tucked behind her, the nightmares start again.
She dreams of the crows and Laura’s scream as she jumps down into the luminous pit. She dreams of Ell reaching out to her and trying to pull her further into the light. She dreams of the way she resisted, holding on to the memory of the night she and Laura waltzed to keep her head above water.
She dreams that it doesn’t work.
She wakes up in the darkness and has to turn on a light to calm herself down.
She breathes, though she doesn’t need to, and tries to bring herself back down to earth. She sits against the headboard, knees tucked to her chest. She wants to go to Laura but she doesn’t want to take any unnecessary risks. So she sits against the bed and watches as the sun rises through her window.
-
She hears Laura stir and she meets her outside of the door. Laura’s in flannel pajamas and her hair is delightfully mussed and Carmilla kisses her before she even has a chance to say good morning. When she pulls back, Laura blinks and grins. “Good morning to you too.”
They walk down the stairs together and Carmilla doesn’t let Laura go. Laura’s dad is already sitting at the kitchen table, newspaper unfolded in front of him when they enter the kitchen. He’s got a cup of coffee in his hands and his reading glasses are falling down the bridge of his nose. Carmilla notices that his eyes squint and his nose wrinkles in the same way that Laura’s do when she’s focused. Other than that, there are very few similarities between their faces. Carmilla figures Laura must look like her mother.
Laura pours them both a bowl of cereal and when they sit down at the table, Carmilla grabs Laura’s free hand. She doesn’t want to be disconnected from her for too long.
(She thinks she understands then – why Laura needed her so close).
Laura’s father smiles at their intertwined hands, though he looks away when Carmilla makes eye contact.
They sit in amiable silence while they eat breakfast.
Their hands only finally disconnect when Laura stands to collect the dishes.
Carmilla helps her wash them, bumping elbows with her, every so often, enjoying the shy smile she gets every time she does.
They’re halfway through when Laura’s dad stands from the table and says, “I’m heading out for the day, I have some errands to run. I opened the up the attic, if you want to get the decorations down, Laura.”
Laura flashes her dad an excited grin and just before he leaves the room completely he shoots Carmilla an amused smile that causes her eyes to widen.
Uh oh.
-
They get distracted by old boxes.
They were only supposed to get the decorations but Carmilla had stumbled upon a box of Laura’s childhood toys and Laura had gotten caught up in the nostalgia. She’d found her old ragdoll and a worn out blanket that looked like it had been dragged through hell and back. A grin as large as when Carmilla had risen from the dead graced her face and Carmilla decided that the decorations could wait.
Laura tells Carmilla she’s free to look through whatever she wants and Carmilla gladly accepts the invitation. She opens another deteriorating box that has the name Laura scrawled across in big, bold letters.
It’s not very full. It only has a few clothing items. She sifts through them, smiling as she imagined what tiny Laura looked like toddling around in a tiger striped onesie. Buried beneath the clothing though, is a piece of paper. It’s dated back nearly twelve years now and the words on it are written in messy, child’s scrawl. It reads:
- Barbie Dream House
- Sea Monkeys
- Tamagotchi
- Poo Chi Dog
- My Mom
She bites down on her lip and folds the paper around her finger. She turns to Laura, who is hovering over a box with her hands covering her mouth. Carmilla walks over to her. She rests a hand on Laura’s shoulder. “Laura, what is it?” She asks, just a hint of worry edging into her voice. Laura points down to the box and turns her head into Carmilla’s shoulder. Carmilla looks down. In the box, there are framed pictures of a woman who, at first glance, looks identical to Laura. There’s quite a few and from what Carmilla can see, the woman varies in age in each of the pictures. There’s a family photograph of the Hollis’ at the top and the dust on the frame is undisturbed save for a few finger prints so Carmilla assumes this is the picture that sent Laura into this frenzy of tears. Carmilla shifts to wrap her arms around Laura fully, embracing her in a tight hug as Laura’s tears soak her shoulder. Carmilla strokes her hair and whispers calming things in her ear as she waits for the tears to die down.
They do – eventually. Laura is able to pull herself off of Carmilla’s shoulder long enough to say, “That’s my Mom. I forgot that after….everything my Dad took the pictures of her and moved them up here.” Carmilla doesn’t push. Laura continues. “She died when I was 6. Cancer. She fought as hard as she could for as long as she could and I loved that about her.” She breaks away from Carmilla and she kneels down next to the box. She picks up the family picture. Laura looks to be about three. “I wish I remembered her like this. All smiles and full of life. But I don’t. The memories I have of her are the ones of her trussed up in a hospital bed, too weak to even ask for water. It’s terrifying to watch somebody deteriorate. They wither away right in front of you and there’s nothing you can do but watch it happen.” Her voice cracks and Carmilla’s heart breaks. “Maybe that’s why I threw myself into the Betty thing so forcefully. I couldn’t stop the world from taking my Mom but maybe I could stop it from taking everybody else.” She whispers and Carmilla falls to her knees next to her. She holds her again as she cries.
Later, when the tears have finally stopped and Carmilla has the nerve to bring out the list, she finds out that it’s the Christmas list from the year after her mother died. She jokes, weakly, that she never got her Barbie dream house.
Carmilla gets an idea.
-
They make it out of the attic, with the decorations in hand, a few hours before sundown.
Laura’s dad is in the living room, flipping through the channels on the television. “I was starting to worry that something up there ate you. I had ghostbusters on standby.” He jokes and Laura laughs. She doesn’t look like she spent much of the afternoon in tears but Carmilla supposes that when you grew up having to be strong for someone else, covering up tear stained cheeks and puffy lips becomes second nature.
“We just got a little caught up is all.” She says and Carmilla knows the vagueness is to benefit her Dad. “We’re going to hang the lights.” She says, full of cheer. Laura’s dad laughs.
“Don’t fall off the ladder, kid.” Laura rolls her eyes.
“You say that every year.” He shrugs.
“I mean it every year.” Laura huffs and pulls Carmilla out toward the door. Carmilla’s eyebrows wrinkle in confusion.
“Why is your father letting you climb a ladder and string lights up around this two story house?” She asks, recalling the day-of-the-week bear spray deliveries to their room. Laura smiles and it’s sad this time.
“He used to do it with my Mom. Every year, it was their thing. After she died he couldn’t do it anymore. I forgot about the lights until high school. I found them sitting in the attic and I decided to surprise him with it one day. The first thing he asked me was how I got the lights all the way up to the roof. He wasn’t mad I don’t think. I caught him standing outside, staring while he held onto the watch she gave him their last Christmas together so I think I got to him. I’ve just done it every year since. A little piece of her for him to have this time of year. I think he appreciates it.” She says with a shrug.
It hits Carmilla again how strong Laura is. How willing she is to put her own hurt aside to help her dad feel any semblance of happiness.
She watches Laura from the ground.
Laura knows her way around this, after years of stringing lights, but it doesn’t stop Carmilla from saying, “Will you let me do it? If you fall you could die Laura. Worst that would happen to me is some sore muscles. Must I remind you of the vampiric constitution?” Her suggestion is met only with an obscene finger gesture.
Carmilla crosses her arms and shuts up after that.
It takes a little less than two hours for Laura to finish stringing up the lights. There’s coco waiting for them on the table. The fireplace is roaring and the Christmas tree is lit. It’s a picture perfect scene and it warms Carmilla’s heart that, for once, she belongs in it.
Laura curls up next to her and rests her head against Carmilla’s shoulder. They watch the flames. They’re quiet – for the most part. The day had been emotional for Laura. Carmilla figures they did enough talking today.
Laura’s halfway through her coco when the yawning starts. Her eyes start to flutter closed and Carmilla hears her heartbeat lulling. “Hey, Laura. Go to bed.” She whispers against Laura’s hair. She shifts and says,
“’m fine. I just want to stay with you.” She grumbles and Carmilla can’t hide her grin this time.
“I’ll see you in a few hours. Get some sleep. It’s been a long day love, you need a good nights rest.” It’s the nickname that brings her head up off of Carmilla’s shoulder. It makes Laura grin. She kisses Carmilla softly on the mouth.
“Goodnight.” She says the words against Carmilla’s lips. Carmilla kisses her one more time before she pulls back.
“Goodnight.” She watches as Laura walks up the stairs, pausing at the top to look once more down at Carmilla.
Once Laura is out of view, Carmilla turns toward the fireplace. It’s barely midnight. Laura’s dad had disappeared…somewhere so she’s alone in the living room. She watches the fire crackle and she thinks that this is the first Christmas she’s spent with people who care for her. She’s never cared much for the holiday, especially once it became a commercialized mess, but there’s something about the spirit of being somewhere, with someone you lo-care about that’s….uplifting. It’s something she hasn’t felt in quite some time.
The clock is about to strike one when Carmilla feels somebody sit on the couch across from her. She looks up. Laura’s dad. He’s dressed in his pajamas, his own cup of coco in his hands. He doesn’t look at Carmilla but instead at the fireplace. They sit in silence for a few moments. He breaks it. “You’re good for her.” He says simply and Carmilla’s head shoots up. Her eyes are wide. “I can tell you care about her. It’s in your eyes. I used to get the same look in mine when I looked at my wife.” Carmilla stays silent. “She cares about you too. She’s finally smiling like she’s got something worth smiling about. Haven’t seen a smile that bright since her Mother. It’s good to see.” He goes quiet then and Carmilla figures that’s as close to a verbal approval as she’s going to get.
“Thank you.” She says because there really isn’t anything else she can say. He nods.
He stays a few more moments before he stands again and exits the room.
That night, when Carmilla goes to sleep, she sneaks into Laura’s room, draping an arm over the girls waist, and kissing her temple.
-
There’s a week until Christmas and Carmilla sneaks out through a window.
She goes into town and finds the shop she’s looking for. She’s lucky, she thinks, that they happened to have a carpenter around. She tells him that she’ll pay double if he has it ready by Christmas. He agrees.
She goes to the attic again and swipes the picture of the grinning woman and she hides it behind her back when Laura walks in on her admiring it when she finally wakes up.
-
Laura wakes her up on Christmas morning with an overzealous hug and a kiss. She’s groggy – she’s only slept a few hours since she had to sneak out to pick up her gift, but Laura’s enthusiasm is infectious.
They bound down the stairs and they’re greeted by the smell of pancakes and freshly made coco.
It’s clear that Laura wants to open her gifts. She’s bouncing in her seat and she glances at the clock every few seconds. She picks up Carmilla’s plate before she even finishes eating. Laura’s Dad shoots Carmilla a, ‘Just let it happen’ look that Carmilla returns with a grin and a laugh.
Carmilla’s gift is, by far, the largest. It sits in front of the tree and Laura reaches for it first. Carmilla grabs her wrist. “No. Open it last.” She says and Laura nods, albeit questioningly.
She goes through the gifts from her father pretty quickly. Carmilla notices that there’s still quite a few gifts underneath the tree and she wonders how large the Hollis extended family is.
When Laura finishes unwrapping her gifts from her dad, Carmilla pushes the wrapped gift in front of her. The paper is off within seconds and Carmilla’s face settles into a grin as she watches Laura gasp in surprise and cover her mouth with her hands. “Carm….it’s so wonderful!”
The gift is a wooden house. It’s painted the exact same way as Laura’s own home. Carmilla walks over. She releases the latches on the front and pulls it open. When Laura sees what sits in the middle of the living room, the tears begin to flow freely.
There are three wooden dolls sitting around a fireplace. One of Laura’s dad. One for Laura. And one for Laura’s mom. Laura throws her arms around Carmilla, tears soaking her neck. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” She whispers, punctuating each thank you with a kiss. Carmilla smiles.
“Now you’ve got your own dream house.” She whispers and Laura chokes out a sob. She keeps whispering thank you against Carmilla’s skin and she thinks that she’s never felt happier than she does in this moment.
She lets go after a few minutes, a watery grin still present on her face. “This is the greatest gift anyone has ever given me.” She says and Carmilla resists the urge to tell her that the house was only part one.
Laura walks over to another pile of gifts and scoops them up into her arms. She walks back over to Carmilla and deposits them in front of her. “These are from us.” She says and Carmilla freezes. She looks back and forth between Laura and her dad.
“U-us?” She questions. Laura nods emphatically. Carmilla feels tears prickling at the back of her eyes and she fights them off as best she can.
The gifts are small, not much, but they mean more to her than she can properly express. Her words get caught in her throat when she tries to explain but Laura just nods. “I know.” She says and it’s all Carmilla needs to hear.
-
It’s two in the morning when Laura’s dad finally retreats to the bedroom. Carmilla excuses herself from Laura and she goes up to her room to get the final piece of her present. She hides it behind her back.
“I know you said that the only way you remember your mother is withering away but. I think she should be immortalized differently.” And from behind her back, she pulls a portrait of Laura’s mother, grinning.
It’s spot on (and not that she’s bragging or anything but she’s had centuries to hone her skills. She’s pretty damn good). Laura cries, again, when she puts the portrait down, she kisses Carmilla with tear soaked lips.
“I love you.” Laura says after she pulls back from the kiss. Carmilla grins. She wraps her arms around Laura. She rests her forehead against hers.
“I love you, too.” She whispers.
Best.
Christmas.
Ever.