Chapter Text
“I-I don’t remember,” Sykkuno finally whispered. And that was it, wasn’t it? After all that time, weeks and months and years spent together learning each and every thing about the other, all of it was gone in the blink of an eye.
“Sy…” Corpse managed to get out. He’d be lying if he said that he’d seen it coming. Sure, there had been an undercurrent of something there, Sykkuno forgetting to stream one day before Corpse gently reminded him, or him zoning out in a conversation he would have otherwise been completely invested in, but those moments were nothing compared to what was happening now.
The night before had been like any other. They’d eaten a late dinner together after Sykkuno’s stream, then resorted to the living room, huddled together in front of the TV but neither of them really paying attention to what was going on. They were more interested in each other, the years of being together doing nothing to wear away the pure adoration they still felt. The stage of euphoria they’d both had when they had first met, when they’d verbally tiptoed around eachother like middle school crushes, had passed, but the persistent devotion to the other was still there beneath everything.
And hey, the last two years of their lives couldn’t be compared to anything else. Corpse had done wonders for Sykkuno’s self-confidence, building him up and not letting anyone else shatter their progress. “Character development,” Rae had called it, somewhat reluctantly passing on her self-proclaimed duties to Corpse. She knew that she’d made the right decision once she realised just how much the other man was doing for Sykkuno.
Rae, like everyone else, knew that it wasn’t a one-way road - Sykkuno did just as much for Corpse. On the bad days he’d hold him close, and that would often be enough to wash serenity over Corpse. Whereas silence held a suffocating chokehold over him at any other time, a gaping vacuum that left him at the mercy of his demons, it was so, so different when Sykkuno was there. He kept the worst of it at bay, the silence morphing into something akin to a comforting hug, blanketing him and giving him the space to just think.
It was clear as day to anyone else that they just got each other, understood their individual tics and preferences and needs. The way they had seamlessly melded their lives into one in a matter of months was proof enough for most just how good they were for one another.
Yet the confidence Corpse had had in the two of them had been all but shattered in the past hour.
That morning they’d been asleep as usual, Sykkuno cuddled around Corpse and their legs intertwined like an intricate patchwork. Yet at an ungodly time in the morning, hours before they’d usually rise, Sykkuno had startled awake, sitting up quickly as he shoved Corpse away in an uncharacteristic display.
Corpse had never been a deep sleeper, but the heavy breathes reverberating around the room and the sudden absence of a certain warm mass next to him would have been more than enough to draw him out of even the deepest of trances.
“Sy, what’s up?” Corpse let out, voice raspier than usual from disuse.
“I…” Sykkuno began before trailing off. His eyes were wide open, quickly flitting across the room as if he couldn’t decide what to focus on. After a moment, his gaze landed back on the man in front of him, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Corpse?”
“Yeah, baby?”
Corpse had sat up in the moments between, hand instinctively reaching out to hold Sykkuno’s. At the move, Sykkuno flinched back. Corpse quickly withdrew his hand.
Fuck.
Something was going on.
Sykkuno let out a breath and decided to try again, “You’re Corpse, right? Where am I?”
“Y-You’re at home?” Corpse faltered.
“Corpse, you know I like you, but this is a bit much,” Sykkuno said, sitting straight up as if every muscle in his body was tensed. His eyes were still frantically moving around the room, as if searching for something that he couldn’t find for the life of him.
“Wait, you are Corpse, right?” he added as an afterthought.
“I- yes?” Corpse spluttered out. He had no idea what to do. It was one thing for Sykkuno to startle awake or to even push him away - nightmares were something they’d both had extensive experience with - but this? This was something else entirely.
“I’m Corpse, your boyfriend. You’re at home, in our house. We live together?” Corpse couldn’t stop the questioning tone from creeping in near the end of his sentence.
A flush creeped up Sykkuno’s neck, but he persisted, deciding to ignore the first part of Corpse’s words. “N-No, we don’t. Where’s Toast and Lily and Scarra?”
“What do you mean? You moved out of the OTV house two years ago,” Corpse could never in a million years be mad at Sykkuno, but in that moment, he couldn’t help but be frustrated. They’d been together for over two years now, and he’d never in that time seen Sykkuno like this. Yet the feeling of utter dread very soon overcame any frustration he felt.
“Corpse, what? We’ve never even met. Well, I guess we have now, but that’s not the point,” Sykkuno looked like a deer caught in headlights. “And what do you mean I moved out of OTV? That’s not possible.”
“Sykkuno,” Corpse sighed, “what’s the date?”
“1st November?”
“And what year is it?”
“2020?”
“Sykkuno.”
Anyone else and he’d have thought it was some sort of cruel prank they were playing, but Corpse knew that Sykkuno would never mess with his feelings like that. Even more than the words, it was the unfamiliarity clear in the other man’s eyes that frightened Corpse to his core.
“I-I think I’d like to go home,” Sykkuno mumbled out. “It was nice meeting you Corpse, I hope we can see each other again under better circumstances next time.”
He grabbed his shirt that lay discarded on the floor from the previous night, quickly pulling it on before reaching to get out of bed.
Corpse watched it all play out in slow motion, the man he’d come to love more than anything else in the world about to just walk out of his life. Yet all he could do was sit and stare, void of any emotion.
Sykkuno reached the door, hesitating for a moment before slowly pulling at the handle. The door closed behind him with a soft thud.
For the umpteenth time that morning, Corpse was inexplicably lost. The most important person he’d ever met was just up and leaving? It didn’t make any sense, but at the same time it did. He didn’t remember anything.
He didn’t remember anything.
Absolutely nothing of the past two years – not the hugs, the kisses, the crying, the hundreds and thousands of things they’d learnt and unlearnt about each other. It was all gone. Corpse wanted to cry; he wanted to scream and shout and yell at the universe for so cruelly taking away the one good thing it had given him. Fuck the stupid cards he’d been dealt by whatever gods were up there.
Despite the emotions twisting and turning within him in all their despairing glory, Corpse found himself unable to show it. Instead he was rooted to his spot, fists gripping onto the bedsheets like a lifeline, trying to hold on to the measly remnants of Sykkuno’s presence. He was contemplating whether to genuinely spend the rest of the day in bed when a resounding thud reached his ears, seemingly from the living room.
Corpse jumped at the sound. Surely Sykkuno should have left by now? He slowly creeped to the bedroom door, pulling it open almost silently before heading out into the hallway. Once he reached the living room, he was surprised to be met with a familiar face.
“Sykkuno?”
“C-Corpse?” Sykkuno’s voice trembled, tears evident in his eyes.
It took everything within Corpse to not reach over and comfort him, but he knew that his initial instincts just weren’t appropriate anymore. Instead, he compromised and took a step forward, still leaving ample space between the two of them.
In Sykkuno’s hands, Corpse spotted a picture frame, one that had previously adorned their mantle. It was of the two of them last Christmas, posed in front of the their haphazardly decorated tree. Sykkuno stood giggling at the camera, undoubtedly at something Corpse had said, with his mouth uncovered for once. He radiated pure joy even through a picture, and in spite of the situation, Corpse couldn’t help but smile a little as well. In the photo, Corpse stood by Sykkuno’s side, a content grin gracing his face as he looked at the other man.
They were so, so happy.
Corpse’s gaze lingered on the photo for a moment longer before he snapped himself out of the fantasy, instead choosing to focus on the much more dismal scene playing out in front of him.
“That’s really us, huh?” Sykkuno sniffled out, while still clutching the picture in a vice-like grip.
And if there was anything that could break Corpse, it was this. Sykkuno sitting there, biting his lip in a tell-tale sign that he was trying to hold back sobs. The remnants of their love splayed out in front of him through all the little things – the boxes of cereal on the kitchen counter, the corny anniversary mug Corpse had gotten Sykkuno sitting on the coffee table, and of course that goddamn picture.
Corpse turned his head a little to the side, not wanting to face Sykkuno like this. They’d long passed the point where tears were an issue in front of one another, but after everything that morning, Corpse had no idea what he was comfortable with anymore.
“I…” Corpse trailed off on his already delayed response. “Yeah, yeah it is Sy.”
Corpse caught the hitch in Sykkuno’s breath even before it happened. It hurt him even more now that he couldn’t do anything about it.
Sykkuno broke out in a sob, his breath coming out in staggered gasps. He hunched in on himself, shoulders shaking back and forth at the sheer force. Both his hands went up to his face in a futile attempt to stifle his whimpers, but it was no use. Corpse was so attuned to even the most minute emotions from Sykkuno that there was no way he’d miss something as big as this.
Sykkuno’s outburst was just enough to trigger Corpse’s own. He grabbed onto his own sweatshirt, crumpling it between his fingers as the tears finally flowed freely down Corpse’s face.
He couldn’t stand this anymore.
“Sykkuno,” he began timidly, “can I hug you?”
Sykkuno looked up, teary eyes meeting a similarly glazed over pair.
“Yeah,” he whispered with a small nod.
That was all the confirmation Corpse needed before he walked forwards, gently reaching over and engulfing Sykkuno in a hug. His arms wrapped around the other and gripped on tight, trying to make all the worries of the morning disappear from both their minds.
For a moment, Corpse’s worst fears came true – Sykkuno tensed at his first contact. In a moment of panic, Corpse too made to move away. Yet just as he was about to retreat, Sykkuno relaxed and gave in to the touch. The older man wrapped his arms around Corpse’s torso equally as tightly, resting his face in the crook of his neck. They melted into each other’s touch, the tension that had laced the room only moments earlier all but dissipating. Corpse let out a sigh, inhaling Sykkuno’s scent in the process. It felt like coming home.
It was in that moment that Corpse knew that no matter what, they’d be okay.
Sykkuno was the first to move away, finally ready to face what loomed ahead of them. He still kept a firm grip on Corpse’s hands, the two of them sitting face to face as Sykkuno began.
“So, just to be sure, we’re together right?” he inquired.
A fond smile crossed Corpse’s face. “Yeah, yeah we are.”
“Okay, uh, I don’t really remember any of that?”
Had Sykkuno said those words even a few moments earlier, Corpse would have absolutely been spiralling again, but now he knew better.
“Exactly how much do you remember, Sy?”
Sykkuno’s gaze shifted to the side as he attempted to recall as much as he could about the two of them.
“Well I obviously know who you are, and we’ve played together a bunch of times. I did the Halloween stream yesterday, and you were there too,” Sykkuno seemed content with his response until realisation struck. “Or I guess I did the Halloween stream two years ago.”
“Okay,” Corpse responded, taking a moment to think for himself. They’d met in person for the first time only a week or two after that day, and they’d officially started dating exactly three weeks after. Yet to Sykkuno, none of that had happened yet.
As Corpse pondered upon where exactly they stood, Sykkuno seemed to also be following a similar thought process.
“As far as I know, we’re not even dating, and we’re definitely not living together,” he began.
Corpse’s head whipped up at his statement. He was snapped out of his thoughts as doubt began creeping back into his mind. The other man noticed Corpse’s reaction and hastily continued.
“But I definitely have feelings for you. I don’t how much you know, but I was pretty much already half-way in love the first time we even talked.” Sykkuno blushed at the mention of the l-word. As far as he was aware, he’d never said it out loud to Corpse.
Corpse just grinned in return. Yeah, they’d talked about it on a sleepless night huddled in bed, spilling all their deepest darkest secrets. The two were smitten long before either realised, and Corpse could clearly recall just how deeply he’d fallen for Sykkuno right from the start.
If Sykkuno still harboured the same feelings, Corpse thought, then yeah, they could make this work.
“I still love you Sy, obviously,” Corpse began, not shying away from mentioning it, “and I get if you want to take things slow, but I’m down to give us another try, if you’d like?”
“I-I, uh..” Sykkuno spluttered for a moment, a crimson tint clearly becoming visible upon his cheeks. “Are you asking me out, Corpse?”
Corpse couldn’t help but giggle at the other man. It really was the same awkward and slightly anxious Sykkuno he was in love with.
“Yes Sykkuno, that’s exactly what I’m doing. Will you be my boyfriend?” Corpse asked, enunciating each and every word.
Sykkuno let out a giggle of his own, hand coming up to cover his smile before he thought twice and let it drop.
“I would love that,” he replied.
Tentatively, he reached for Corpse’s hand in his first ever show of physical affection, or at least the first that he could remember. Corpse caught the motion and reached out himself.
The couple sat side-by-side on the sofa, grinning like maniacs as they held hands.
There’d be one heck of a learning curve for Sykkuno, they both knew that very well, and it would be far from easy. There’ll be good days, and bad days, and days when neither will be bothered to do anything.
But sitting there, just the two of them, they knew one thing for sure: they could do it.