Work Text:
In hindsight, it really should’ve taken only one (1!) brain cell for Jeno to realize that something was sus.
He should’ve known something was up as soon as Donghyuck burst into his room at ass o’clock in the morning, clad in nothing but spandex and determination, and proceeded to beat him with his own pillows for the sake of “waking up to work out.”
There are so many things wrong with this situation, mainly being: Donghyuck is awake, Donghyuck is awake and sporting something other than his trademark painted-on skinny jeans, and Donghyuck is awake and willingly uttering the words “work out” which is so unbelievable they might as well be a spell coming out of his mouth.
Unfortunately Jeno’s brain was still stuck somewhere in La-La-Land (the non-singing version) and failed to raise any of these red flags in time, so in his delirious state his body moved for him, ducking the fluffy assault and implicitly deciding that it’d be easier to comply with Donghyuck’s demands now than to resist and then be harassed by an increasingly-persistent Donghyuck for the next hour before eventually complying with Donghyuck’s demands then.
Which is how he finds himself, ass similarly clad in fitted spandex, freezing it off outside a store window at 7 in the morning.
“So, what are we doing here?” He puffs, squinting at the neon orange sign and feeling his balls shrink by the minute.
Donghyuck smirks, and there’s that twinkle in his eyes which only ever spells doom for people who’ve known him for more than a decade and goes by the name of Jeno. “We’re here for abs, of course” he boasts like it’s the most profound sermon, before unceremoniously yanking open the door with one hand while linking arms with Jeno in the other.
Jeno is swung inside and straight into what feels like a mosh pit. There are bodies milling around everywhere: some creating their own personal bodies of water on the floor, some exuding fumes like deodorant-scented air fresheners, and all single-handedly keeping the spandex industry alive. The decibel of the room could rival any random house on frat row, and there’s a manic look in everyone’s eyes that’s terrifying when coupled with their glistening muscles.
“This must be what it’s like to join a cult,” he squeaks, being waved and smiled at from all sides by people he’s never seen before in his life.
“You wish, it’d be the coolest thing about you,” Donghyuck chirps, deadpan as he shuffles them forward like aggressive penguins. “But before you can join the cool kids club, you gotta sign on the dotted line.”
Jeno blinks, and realizes they’ve been shoehorned against a counter. There’s three people behind it, all of whom are clad in fitted black tees and positively beaming at the people next to Jeno. Jeno is about to ask Donghyuck what they’re doing here before the guy right in front of him turns, hitting a key on his keyboard with a flourish.
“Hyuck!” And oh, this guy’s eyes are huge, opened comically wide as he greets Donghyuck like a groundhog seeing the sun for the first time. “You’re back!”
And is Jeno still sleep-deprived or is his bffie blushing ? “Of course, and this time I brought a friend.”
Counter-Guy’s eyes have not once strayed from Donghyuck. “Even better, we love new faces. Welcome to the fit fam, friend!”
“Err, yeah,” Jeno says to Counter-Guy’s side profile. “I’m Jeno...and I guess I don’t really know what I’m doing here.”
That finally gets Counter-Guy to look at him, and oh, okay now he has an inkling why his best friend’s ass is (metaphorically) on fire in such (real) negative temperatures. “Don’t worry, man. We’re gonna get you all settled in.”
Five minutes, six waivers, and feeling like he’s third-wheeling the world’s weirdest not-date, Jeno is the proud recipient of a receipt and still no clue what he has gotten himself into.
He stares at the black band Mark has strapped to his upper bicep and startles when Donghyuck kicks the back of his shin into motion.
“...and here are the lockers, they have built-in locks” Mark says as he leads them to the back of the room, and Jeno looks on disbelievingly as Donghyuck swoons like Mark is the Steve Jobs of lockers. “I’ll leave you guys to it, then. Holler if you need anything, and good luck in your first class, Jeno!”
Again, he says this directly into Donghyuck’s face, and Jeno nods and goes “uh, huh” as Mark lopes back to the counter. As soon as they can no longer see his unnecessarily toned back, Jeno turns straight to Donghyuck.
“Here for the abs, huh,” he parrots, eyebrows raised scrutinizingly.
Donghyuck puffs up his chest, unashamed. “And what about it? I didn’t mention whose. You saw his shirt, Jen, you’re really gonna tell me you don’t think he’s wearing two sizes too small on purpose?
Jeno purses his lips. It’s true that Mark’s shirt was suspiciously tight, so much so that they can see defined washboard in the light. Unable to argue with this sound logic, he just sighs and nods, conceding the point. “I guess. If we’re going to get up unnecessarily early, at least it’s for a great view. I just wish it wasn’t pay-per-view.”
“Mmhmm,” Donghyuck hums, eyeing Jeno smugly as he shoves his things into a locker. “You and I know that you always have to pay for the good shit, anyways.”
They lock up their meager things and file in with the rest of the crowd, a good portion of whom are standing around aimlessly outside what looks to be a glass partition into a separate space where the actual workout happens. It’s bathed in neon orange light, a stark contrast to the black machines he can see in the room. There’s a row of treadmills to the right, a row of rowers on the left, and a large empty floor space in the back.
There’s movement in the back right corner and he squints, seeing a broad back in black before he jolts as a hand clamps down on his shoulder.
Donghyuck has him in a vice grip as he stretches his right leg, face grim.
Jeno’s face scrunches in disbelief. “You - you’re stretching?”
He gets an unimpressed look in return. “What does it look like, Jen-ius? The eye candy comes at a cost and I’m not talkin’ money. I don’t know if you’ve realized, but we’re here to actually work out as well.”
Jeno looks back at the rows of machines. “It doesn’t look too bad, though. I’ve tried rowing in the gym before and it was pretty easy...and we used to run laps in PE every day.”
Donghyuck huffs, hopping up and down to switch to the other leg. “People don’t come here for easy . They pay for pain . I know you think you’re hot shit-“ he rolls his eyes at Jeno’s squawk of protest “-and I’ll admit you look relatively fit but it’s still the first time you’re doing this type of workout and your body might not be used to it. You should stretch too.”
Jeno twists his face, offended. “I am relatively fit.”
“Owning a bike doesn’t make you fit.”
“I ride it, every so often” Jeno mutters, before deciding some light stretching can’t hurt, regardless. “Fine,” he says with a long-suffering sigh, “I’ll do it, I’ll do it.” Donghyuck removes his hand and Jeno turns, trying to find the best place to stretch with so many people crowded around, shifting around so that he’s facing away from the glass before dropping his torso down to touch his toes.
Suddenly there’s a cold draft hitting his ass, and the glass door to the neon-orange space is swinging open. A guy strides through it, arms raised, eyes narrowing in at Jeno standing ass-up outside the door.
“Oh my, energetic, aren’t we?” The guy purrs, smile stretched wide to reveal some of the most perfect teeth Jeno’s ever seen.
Jeno quickly scrambles up, face contorting as he’s stuck between feeling offended that some guy is trying to hit on him and flattered that some hot guy is trying to hit on him when the guy winks and suddenly turns away to address the room at large, clapping his hands loudly.
“Welcome, fit fam!” He says with a drawl, and oh - maybe he’s not hitting on Jeno, his voice is just like that. “I’m Coach Na, you can call me Nana, and you should count your blessings that I’m filling in for Coach Huang because today is a strength day! Hope you’re ready for some inclines, push pace, and heavy weights.”
There’s a soft groan coupled with a hard poke to Jeno’s side. “I hate strength days,” Donghyuck whines, nuzzling his fluffy head into Jeno’s shoulder. “I can never lift my arms again the next morning.”
“It doesn’t sound too bad,” Jeno says again, feeling oddly like he wants to prove himself. “I have to lift my bike to our room every time I ride it.”
He can feel Donghyuck’s lips curve into a smirk against his shoulder. “You say that now...” he murmurs ominously, before extracting himself to listen to the rest of Coach Na - Nana’s speech.
“...so let’s high-five it out, and let’s get started!” Nana finishes with a megawatt smile, turning to skip into the neon studio. The text “Nana :3” is emblazoned in stark white against his back, a clearly-defined back clad in black with muscles that flex and stretch against his shirt with every move.
All part of this cult’s tight-shirt agenda, it seems.
All around them, the crowd of people start shuffling forward like minnows, funneling single-file through the glass doors. Jeno is impressed at how orderly everyone is, finally coming to understand why when he sees that the coach is standing just inside the doors, enthusiastically doling out high-fives to everyone that enters.
Donghyuck slams his palm against Nana’s outstretched hand as hard as he can, causing Jeno to flinch but the coach doesn’t even falter. Jeno meekly taps his hand against Nana’s palm to make up for Donghyuck’s aggressiveness and wonders if he imagines the slight uptick in the coach’s smile in return.
They end up at the treadmills, and Jeno steps on to see a screen above him with dozens of colorful tiles. From closer inspection, it becomes apparent that each tile shows the current heart rate of each person in the class, and he quickly locates his own square, right in the middle of the screen. He then locates Donghyuck’s.
He frowns. “Why is your square so red?”
Donghyuck gives him a scathing side-eye. “It means I’m working hard, asshole.”
“We haven’t even gotten started.”
“My dick is working hard to convince the rest of me that this is all worth it.”
Jeno looks around, scandalized, and sees the coach passing by behind them. Any doubt that he had heard Donghyuck’s unnecessarily loud statement is removed when he smirks and raises one arm, announcing “alright fit fam, if you and all of your parts are ready, let’s go ahead and make our way to base pace and get this party started!”
Jeno fumbles to turn on his treadmill as everyone eases into motion around him, and joins them in a light jog. He doesn’t fully understand all of the instructions Nana is blaring over the loudspeaker, and any attempts to ask Donghyuck only gets him breathless curses in return. He sees everyone speeding up around him, though, and doesn’t want to fall behind.
To his right is Donghyuck, huffing and puffing and looking increasingly murderous, and to his left is a woman who looks old enough to be his mom decked out in full Lululemon apparel. He peeks at her monitor and is shocked to see that she’s running at nearly twice his speed, her neat ponytail bouncing rhythmically behind her. She smiles when Nana comes up to compliment her on her form, waving her hand embarrassedly.
Jeno doesn’t know what takes over him but now he really doesn’t want to fall behind, his pride at stake as someone twice his age runs at twice the speed. Seeing Nana loop around to meander back their way again, he dials both the speed and incline up on his machine.
Donghyuck shoots him a disbelieving look. “Dude, what are you doing? We’re only halfway through.”
Jeno schools his expression as best he can so that he doesn’t look like he’s dying. “It’s fine,” he grits out, opening his mouth to say more but is interrupted by an impressed cry behind him.
“Wow!” Nana exclaims, leaning forward to peer at Jeno’s monitor. “You’re really killin’ it over here. We got ourselves a rockstar!”
He beams, and even the woman beside him looks over in awe. Jeno preens, and forces himself to straighten up even as he feels like he’s about to huff his lungs out.
“Great job, man” Nana purrs, winking at him before continuing down the line.
Donghyuck continues to give him the side-eye, but Jeno tries to pay it no mind. He knows he can’t afford to dial it down when he surreptitiously glances at the coach every so often and sees him doing the same. And so for the sake of his pride and something undefined, he suffers.
They say that nothing is longer than a microwave minute, but Jeno would beg to differ. His tile is now consistently in the red, and when Nana finally announces that it’s time to stop, it takes him a few tries to get his arms stable enough to turn the dials down.
Sucking air harder than that time he and Donghyuck tried the Pocky challenge with both refusing to give up, Jeno grins. “That wasn’t too bad,” he says, heart pounding in time with Eminem’s “Rap God.”
Donghyuck wheezes. “We’re only a third of the way there.”
The smile drops right off Jeno’s face. “Wait, there’s more?”
Donghyuck looks to be choking on air, which Jeno takes to mean he’d probably be laughing his ass off if he had the breath to spare. “Jen baby, we’ve only done one of the stations. We need to do all three. Did you think you just choose a station, give it your all, and leave?”
“Uh, yeah?”
“Well suck it. We’re not here for our abs but they’ll still come as a side effect of all this.”
Jeno is forcibly spurred into action when a girl clears her throat behind him, jolting him from his shock as he quickly scrambles off his treadmill to follow the people around him as they head for the rowers. Donghyuck is still looking murderous, but weirdly resigned as he straps himself in dutifully. Jeno follows suit, and waits for further instruction as his head reels, presumably from the realization at having to do more.
Was the studio always this bright?
“Okay rowers,” Nana purrs, sidling up to their side of the room. “You’re going to be sprinting for distance. After every 200 meter row, come to the front of the rower for 10 jump squats and 10 sumo squats with a weighted medicine ball. Your goal is to keep the same pace every 200 meters. We’ll keep at this for the next 20 minutes.”
He checks his watch, holding up a finger. “Begin,” he announces, sweeping his arms out with a flourish when the minute strikes.
Jeno regrets that he went so hard on the treadmill when it quickly becomes obvious that rowing predominantly relies on leg strength. He can feel his thighs trembling after only three rows, muscles stinging as he pulls back.
Not wanting to fall behind again, he grips the handle tighter and adjusts his posture to put more weight into his arms and back instead.
“Uh-uh,” Nana materializes at his side, wagging his finger. “Put the drive back in your legs, sir, you’re not doing your body any good rowing like this.” He smiles, teeth glowing under the neon orange lights. “And you have a good body, so don’t do it a disservice.”
Jeno blushes, hoping that the orange lights mixed with his red face somehow equals no color at all. He fixes his posture, properly chastised, and flexes his legs for good measure. He looks up to see Nana still smiling down at him.
“Good,” he says in his drawling voice, patting Jeno’s machine before walking away.
Donghyuck huffs from Jeno’s side. “What a newb.”
Jeno feels determination build within him. “I’m not!” He asserts, forcing power into his fatigued legs.
He rows vigorously, the machine making a loud whooshing sound every time he yanks it back. Every time he hits the milestone meter, he adds another hundred for good measure.
Donghyuck is looking at him like he’s crazy again, but when Nana announces that it’s time to switch again, Jeno is gratified to see that he beat both Donghyuck and Lululemon by a long shot.
This time, he is quick to rise off his rower but realizes he must’ve stood up too fast because there’s a second in which he’s momentarily lost in space, his vision swimming with stars.
“Hey” there’s the sound of fingers snapping in front of his face. “You okay?”
Jeno shakes his head, vision clearing. “Yeah,” he says confidently, puffing out his chest. “Never better.”
Donghyuck narrows his eyes at him but Jeno is already speed-walking down the pathway, until he realizes he’s walking in the wrong direction and promptly spins around to power walk to the empty space at the back instead, where Nana stands waiting for folks at the weightlifting station.
Once he’s joined Donghyuck and everyone else assembled on the floor in front of their individual weight stations, Nana claps his hands again to draw their attention as he proceeds to demonstrate the floor exercises that they will be doing.
It is both an understatement and overstatement to say that Jeno is paying attention. His attention is glued to the coach alright, specifically around how the coach’s biceps threaten to rip through his flimsy tee as he picks up the heaviest weight from the rack and easily executes a textbook bicep curl, followed by an overhead shoulder press that reveals a tease of toned midriff. He is looking respectfully but does Nana really need to turn around to show them just how the fabric stretches around his (very round, very toned) ass as he drops into a squat?
Jeno doesn’t even realize he’s zoned out until the coach again materializes, this time right in front of him.
Jeno jerks back, startled by the proximity. “Huh?”
Nana leans in, scrutinizing his expression, and Jeno realizes they’re about the same height. He’d like to think that they’re about the same build as well, though given how easily the guy just one-handedly lifted a small boulder above his head, he’ll admit that maybe there’s just a slight difference.
Jeno realizes he’s missed some sort of cue when Nana just continues staring at him, his eyes wide. “Huh?” he says again, intelligently.
He can now see that there’s concern in the other’s eyes, and he’s not smiling. “I said, are you feeling okay? You seem pretty winded and I just want to make sure that you’re not pushing yourself too hard. Remember to only do as much as your body can take.”
Jeno shakes his head vigorously, and is surprised when the world tilts a little. “No, no, I’m okay.” Then he gives his best defense. “I own a bike.”
The coach purses his lips, narrowing his eyes in consideration as Jeno does his best to look like a functioning person. Jeno tries a smile, and it must work because Nana’s eyes widen as they flit over Jeno’s face quickly, before mirroring it back in tiny.
“Well okay then,” Nana says slowly, high-beams coming back on. “As long as you’re feeling okay. Let me know if you need anything or have any questions, alright?”
Jeno nods again, but quickly stops when the coach’s face goes out of focus. He straightens up instead. “Sure coach, I will.”
Nana shoots him one last smile and nods once before walking away to check on the other stations, Jeno staring after him for what is longer than is socially acceptable.
He jerks when someone pointedly clears their throat behind him, feeling an intense gaze bore a hole through the back of his head.
“What?” he shoots in Donghyuck’s general direction.
“I’d make a joke about you being thirsty as all hell, but considering you’re sweating out Lake Jeno on the floor, maybe it’s a bit too realistic.”
“Shut it, Hyuck. These are just your tears at not being able to ogle your man at such close proximity.”
“Eat shit, Jen” Donghyuck says saccharinely as he turns to pick out a baby weight from the rack.
Nana circles back to their station every three minutes or so, checking on their progress and form. Every time he does, Jeno hefts twenty pounds heavier than his usual and sinks dangerously low in his squat.
“Don’t overdo it,” Donghyuck warns from his side, for the first time sounding genuinely serious.
“I’m fine,” Jeno grunts, bending down to retrieve the heavy weight now that he sees the coach meandering back again. His hand misses the weight at first, and he fumbles around confusedly. Is it just him or did it get darker in the room?
“Jeno” Donghyuck says, but his voice sounds like it’s coming from underwater. Jeno can’t really hear it clearly, but it’s probably not something he wants to hear anyways.
“I’m fine,” he asserts again, seeing the coach come ever closer and quickly hefting the weight to his shoulder.
“I’m-“ he says, starting to drop to the floor, but he must’ve dropped too far because the next thing he knows there’s a loud crash and a louder scream and something cold and hard hitting his entire backside.
Stars swarm in front of his eyes, and he tries to bat at one but there’s a small yelp from his side.
Again, there are sounds filtering through like they’re coming from underwater, hitting him from all sides but mainly from a spot to his left.
“...”
The stars won’t clear. When did he travel to space?
“...”
There’s someone saying something, which is weird, because he’s in space.
“...o...”
But wait, why is he in space?
“...Jeno…”
More importantly, how can there be sound in space?
“...Jeno, Jen, Jeno, wake up!” And oh, he knows that voice. He must be dreaming. He is just waking up from a dream.
“Come on, Jeno, wake up!”
“No,” Jeno croaks, mouth dry. “It’s still dark out.”
“Open your eyes, dammit.”
Jeno opens his eyes. The stars are gone, and instead there’s his best friend hovering above him, his fluffy head haloed in the orange lights as he peers down at him with wide eyes, a big pink palm print on his left check.
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh.”
“What happened?”
“Well, you did a squat and never came back up.”
“Oh. Did my ass look good, at least?”
“Mmmh, kinda hard to tell considering you were passed out on top of it.”
Dammit, Jeno thinks, and he’s about to ask what happened to Donghyuck’s face when there’s another face crowding into his view.
“Sir...Jeno?” The guy says, and Jeno focuses in on a crown of black hair and large eyes. Nana inches closer, and Jeno feels a tad lightheaded again. “Are you lucid? Can you sit? Do you feel dehydrated?”
Donghyuck scoffs, and Jeno automatically gets defensive. “Oh, he’s thirsty alright” Donghyuck answers with an eye roll on his behalf.” That’s probably why this happened.”
Nana nods sagely. “I knew it. It’s not good to lack water when working out. We must always make sure we quench our thirst appropriately.” He turns to face Jeno again. “Do you need help up?”
“Ye-“ Jeno starts, starting to lift an arm to swing onto Donghyuck’s shoulders to get up but Nana takes it as an invitation to sweep it over his own shoulders, crouching down to place his other arm underneath Jeno’s knees before hauling him up in one smooth motion.
Jeno gapes at him. “Wha-“
“Don’t worry, I’ve got you,” Nana reassures, smiling softly as he pivots and easily maneuvers them out of the studio.
Mark is outside holding the door, clutching a damp towel and looking worried. He moves forward to help but Nana shakes his head, heading straight for the benches in the locker area. With a strength belying his lithe frame, he holds his arms out to gently lower Jeno down onto the bench.
“Wait,” Nana says, then straightens up to yank his shirt off before folding it to tuck under Jeno’s head. “There, now you can rest for as long as you need to until you feel better.”
“Uh...”
“Dude, his face is bright red, do we need to call the hospital?”
“It’s okay, Mark,” Donghyuck pipes up suddenly, striding up behind them. “He’s just suffering from thirst.”
“Oh” Mark’s brows knit as he lays the damp towel across Jeno’s forehead. “Why didn’t you say so? Here, let me get you some water...”
“It’s okay,” Donghyuck says again, shoving Jeno’s own water bottle at him. “He’s got water, but it can only do so much. Something tells me this is going to be a chronic condition.”
“Thanks” Jeno croaks, taking the water bottle roughly and glaring at Donghyuck, who only grins.
Mark looks baffled. “Well, okay then. Jaemin, I’ll leave it to you to decide what to do next. I’m glad to see he’s alright, but we also have to do something about all those people still in there.”
Nana - Jaemin hums. “Well, as much as I hate to leave,” he gives Jeno a long look at that, “I can’t just leave the class. Renjun would murder me if he learned I was ‘shirking professional responsibilities again, you dumbass musclehead’” he makes air quotes. “So I guess, give me your shirt, Mark.”
Mark rolls his eyes, but reaches back to strip his own shirt off. Now Donghyuck looks like he’s on the verge of passing out as well. “Fine, but if you lose it I’m charging it to your account.”
Jaemin smirks, muttering out a “yeah, yeah” before stuffing himself (and his very defined-abs) into the baby shirt. “Okay,” he says, addressing the group at large. “I’m gonna go in there and finish out the rest of the class. But I care about the well-being of all my students, and I’d really like to help you with your predicament, Jeno.”
He grins, and without looking away from Jeno says “Mark, give him my business card.”
Mark rolls his eyes again, but dutifully plucks out a business card from his back pocket. “Here, the card for the studio. The coaches’ numbers are on the back.”
Jaemin smiles widely. “Call me to set up a private session, for your condition of course. Let’s figure out what’s going on.”
And with a wink and soft pat to Jeno’s forehead, he stands and strides back into the orange lights.
Mark watches him go, before looking at Jeno dead in the eye. “There’s also the numbers of our other coaches on the back too, just so you know. They might be more helpful. Jaemin is...a lot to take in.”
“That won’t be necessary,” Donghyuck again pipes in before Jeno can react. “I’m sure Jeno will have no problem taking him all in -”
“Anyway” Jeno interjects loudly, already plotting Donghyuck’s demise when they get home, “I appreciate you, Mark , for the help you guys have given me. This was pretty embarrassing, but it’s good to know you guys have my back.”
“Oh man, don’t worry about it,” Mark beams, looking like a proud puppy. “You’re part of our family now. We mean that.” His eyes inevitably gravitate to Donghyuck again. “And we always love to see you.”
“I’m sure we’ll be back,” Donghyuck says confidently. “After all, we’ve found that we quite like what we’ve seen.” He manages to tear his gaze away for a few seconds to wink conspiratorially at Jeno. “Wouldn’t you agree, Jeno?”
Now it’s Jeno’s turn to roll his eyes, but he can’t help the small smile that overtakes his face as he sits up and pockets the small card into his pants pocket. He can give Donghyuck shit all he wants (and he will), but something tells him his spandex-clad ass will be here bright and early same time next week. Hell, he may even be the one to wake up Donghyuck next time.
“Right.”