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His Delusion shatters under the foot of a Ruin Guard after a miscalculated lunge. The Ruin Guard crumples to the ground, defeated, but Diluc's Delusion lies in pieces. As he watches it disintegrate with wide eyes, red embers floating towards him as if beckoning for the last time, he hears the faintest whisper in his ears.
The price has been paid. We take what we are owed.
And then he blacks out.
—
He wakes up in the master bedroom of Dawn Winery, which, once he gets his bearings and realizes where he is, immediately sets off alarms bells in his head. Why is he in his father's bed? Is he injured? And most importantly, why is he alone? Kaeya, stubbornly selfless only for Diluc, has never left his side when he's been injured before.
The thought that Kaeya is injured too - or worse - makes him shoot up in bed. He winces on instinct, hand coming to his side, but a quick scan reveals he doesn't have any injuries worse than a few aches and bruises.
So why is he lying in the master bedroom? He glances around and is stunned to see some of his own clothes hanging inside the half-open wardrobe. Where... where is his father?
—
Diluc shrugs off Adelinde's concerned questions and hurries his steps. Something is very wrong - Adelinde and Elzer look years older, Diluc is apparently living in the master bedroom now, and Kaeya is nowhere to be found. Worse, no trace of Kaeya is to be found - not his clothes, not his sword, not even his scent on their pillows. Diluc stays on his guard, wary of even Adelinde, and rushes to the one person he knows he can trust.
"Master Diluc," Adelinde puts a hand on his shoulder, frantic. "What are you-"
"You said he was out," Diluc says firmly, saddling his horse. "Where?"
"Master K- Sir Kaeya is likely in his office, at this time of day. Master Diluc, are you alright?"
He stares at her at the words "Sir Kaeya." She hasn't called Kaeya that since the night Crepus brought him to the manor.
Diluc feels his panic continue to rise. He brushes it aside - he can't show weakness, not now when he still doesn't understand what's happening, when he still isn't sure Kaeya is safe. So, Kaeya's office. Diluc doesn't remember Kaeya having an office, but if he had one, it would surely be at the Ordo's headquarters. He swings himself onto his horse and takes off, leaving behind Adelinde's worried calls.
When he arrives, the knights guarding the entrance nod at him politely with none of the warmth he is used to. However, they don't look like they're about to stop him, so he strides up to one and says flatly, "Kaeya's office. Where is it?"
The knight's eyes widen. "Captain Kaeya?"
"Yes, Kaeya," Diluc says, frustrated. "His office. Where is it?"
The knight stammers, "Sir, you don't know?"
Diluc frowns. Kaeya always teases him for how frightening his resting face is, but Diluc is happy to make his expression even more so. The knight lets out an eep and hurries to say, "Third door on the left, sir."
Diluc marches through the front doors and beelines for the office. He's still in a panic and more than a little confused - third door on the left is Diluc's office, not Kaeya's, and what was that about Captain Kaeya? - but at least it seems Kaeya is unharmed. That has been and will always be his first priority.
When he flings the door open, both Kaeya and Amber swivel their heads towards him. Kaeya is sitting behind his desk and Amber is in a chair across from him, but she rises when she sees Diluc. Oddly, her expression turns dark at his presence, and she bids Kaeya goodbye and then stalks out without greeting him. Has he perhaps offended her recently?
Doesn't matter. Diluc is here firstly to make sure Kaeya is alright, and then secondly to get answers. From a quick glance, Kaeya seems well - his clothes are neat, if... more scandalous than he remembers, he has no visible injuries, and...
Diluc blinks. Kaeya smells like omega. He smells like his mate. Diluc's mouth drops open. Is he dreaming? Is this a dream?
Kaeya doesn't seem surprised to see him; if anything, he looks resigned. He'd been gesturing animatedly at Amber just moments before, looking alive and like the charming, competent man Diluc knows him to be, but now his whole posture is meek. He stands from his seat and, perplexingly, begins to undo his pants.
"What-" Diluc nearly squeaks, making Kaeya's eyebrows furrow. "I'm not here for a quickie, what the hell, Kaeya?" They've only gone as far as kissing and some light groping - why Kaeya thinks Diluc searched him out specifically to fuck him at the Ordo's headquarters is baffling in itself.
"Oh," Kaeya says quietly, stilling his hands, now looking as confused as Diluc feels. He hesitates slightly before he rounds the table and kneels in front of Diluc. Looking at the ground, he says, "Would you- do you want me to suck you?"
"No!" Diluc shouts, appalled, and scrambles to lift Kaeya from the ground. He hopes to Barbatos this isn't some sort of wet dream he's having, because if it is then he's going to need to reevaluate himself once he wakes up. He's always loved Kaeya for his confidence and mischief, loves their back and forth pushes and pulls, and seeing him be dully submissive like this just feels wrong.
Kaeya freezes when Diluc's hands grip his shoulders.
Diluc glances curiously at him, feeling concerned, seeing his breath come faster and his scent turn sour. "Kaeya, are you alright?" He tries to make eye contact with him but Kaeya's eyes keep darting around, clearly afraid. Afraid of what?
"Is this a test?" Kaeya says, voice small.
"A test? No, why would it be? Kaeya, really, are you okay?" He tries to brush Kaeya's hair out of his face but Kaeya flinches back, and Diluc's heart drops.
Kaeya is afraid of him.
—
Kaeya's heart rabbits in his chest. He's out of his comfort zone, again. Diluc loves toying with him, giving him false hope only to throw his sins back in his face and abandon him again.
He will admit, though, that this tactic is a new one. Diluc even speaking to him is a rarity, but now he's asking him if he's okay and looking at him so tenderly and with so much concern that it's like they're teenagers again and everything is alright with the world. His heart weeps with how much he wants that, but when Diluc's hand comes up all he remembers is what that hand has done, and he recoils.
Surprisingly, Diluc doesn't hit him for it. He peeks his eye open. Diluc looks hurt, of all things. Kaeya is desperate in his confusion now - what do you want? why are you doing this? how much more will you take from me? - but he knows to keep his mouth shut.
"Just tell me you're alright," Diluc says, sounding frantic.
"I'm alright," Kaeya dutifully replies. "Alpha," he adds, because sometimes Diluc gets angry when he doesn't.
Unfortunately, this time, it only seems to make Diluc more distraught. Kaeya knows his own body must be trembling now. He doesn't know what to do, how to make Diluc calm again, make him happy. Usually addressing Diluc as Alpha and baring his neck makes him happy - or as happy as he can be, looking at the person he hates the most - but when Kaeya does it this time, Diluc's eyes widen at the claim mark.
"Who... Did I do this to you?" he whispers, hand moving towards the mark until Kaeya stiffens and Diluc seems to remember his earlier flinch. Diluc backs off, transparently hurt. He looks lost, so young. He looks so young.
Kaeya's heart aches with how much he loves him.
—
Diluc feels his heart dropping to the pit of his stomach, veins icing over. The claim mark is ugly, scarred, vicious. That is not the mark of someone who has cherished Kaeya. Diluc knows logically that it must be from him, given that he and Kaeya are somehow mates, but that is not - cannot be - Diluc's mark.
The need to make Kaeya understand this suddenly seizes him. "That wasn't me," he pleads. "Whoever that was, he's not here anymore - it's me, it's Diluc, your brother. Kaeya, please. Please, look at me."
Kaeya lifts his face, but his eyes don't meet Diluc's. Diluc slowly reaches out, telegraphing his movements, and cups Kaeya's face in his hands. "I love you, Kaeya," he says, and Kaeya goes absolutely still all over.
"Do you..." Diluc hesitates, realizing that there's really no guarantee that this Kaeya has the same memories as him. "Do you remember when you first told me you loved me?"
Kaeya nods stiffly, still looking down.
Diluc prods him gently. "Tell me."
"It-" Kaeya peeks at him from under his hair and quickly looks away. "It was six years ago."
Barbatos, six?! It suddenly clicks. Diluc has lost his memories. He doesn't know how or why no one knows, but he's lost nearly five years, if what Kaeya is saying is correct. And... if Kaeya's behavior is anything to go by, in those five years he has become something horrific.
Diluc is suddenly desperate for Kaeya to look at him again, but he keeps his head down. "We were all in Angel's Share for Lisa's birthday," Kaeya whispers. "Eury was flirting with you all night; I wanted to dump her in the lake. I didn't say anything but you noticed, of course," Kaeya says, sounding far off, voice even despite the tears now trailing down his cheeks. Diluc wants so badly to wipe them away, but whenever he reaches towards Kaeya he shudders. It hits Diluc for the first time since he woke up in his father's bed that he can't read this Kaeya. There's a thick, thick wall blocking the connection he's always had with him, and it chills him to the core.
"We both got angry," Kaeya continues, "me at you for not doing anything about girls who flirt with you, even though we weren't anything but sworn brothers back then, and you at me for being mad for no reason." Kaeya is silent for a while. "Then I said it."
"Said what?" Diluc asks, needing to hear it, needing the reassurance. This is the story he remembers too, so this must be the world he knows, but the Kaeya in front of him has never felt more distant. Diluc is falling apart with the need to know that Kaeya still loves him.
"I..." Kaeya trails off.
"Please, Kaeya."
"I..." Kaeya says again. The trembling of his body has started to slow, which mollifies Diluc for a second until he realizes Kaeya practically isn't breathing.
"You don't have to mean it," Diluc adds quickly, pleadingly, knowing he sounds pathetic but not caring anymore. "I just need to hear it, please."
Kaeya no longer responds to him. Suddenly terrified, Diluc tilts Kaeya's head up - this time, he doesn't flinch at all - and nearly recoils at the lifeless look in Kaeya's eye. Diluc tries to imagine what could have happened to him to make him react like this to such a simple phrase - Kaeya has always been free with his affection, unlike Diluc, who's told Kaeya he loves him maybe three times now - and comes up empty.
"I love you," Diluc tries again. Everything is wrong- Kaeya isn't supposed to look like that- he has to fix it, fix him- where is he, where are you- Kaeya, Kaeya- "I love you. Kaeya, it's me. I love you."
Kaeya looks at him with a blank look in his eye, and Diluc's voice breaks.
"What have I done to you?"