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As the oldest and designated mom friend of the group, Seonghwa figures he’s supposed to find the scene in front of him heartwarming.
Instead, finding Yunho and Mingi, all cuddled up and asleep -- on his couch, might he add -- after coming home from class has his stomach twisted up in knots.
It’s not as though Seonghwa has any pent up anger towards the pair (despite them crashing his apartment, again), two of his closest and most dear friends, or even that he isn’t prepared for such a public display of affection in his own living room (after knowing Yunho and Mingi for years, it’s impossible not to get used to their antics). If he is being honest, Seonghwa isn’t even sure what the feeling is himself.
If he doesn’t know any better, he’d say he’s feeling jealous.
It’s only natural, Seonghwa tells himself like he would tell his friends, like he knows they would tell him if he ever chose to share these feelings. It’s what everyone tells anyone who happens to look wistfully upon that couple in the park, held together by intertwined hands and a soul connection that, if you squint hard enough, you can almost see in the air.
Yunho and Mingi had the ideal story, the one everyone wished for. They were nearly children when the counters on their wrists struck zero, the rare high school sweethearts that grew up together as everyone around them stared longingly at their own ticking clocks.
Seonghwa knows Yeosang feels this way, the younger boy having confessed he wished for his soulmate to come sooner, and he finds his friend often fiddling with the scarf he ties around his wrist, which hides the mark he’s only shown Seonghwa once, especially in the presence of their lovebird friends.
And so maybe the first few times Seonghwa came home to the two boys crashing on his couch, he felt a bit wistful, reminded that they had something the world seemed to find so natural, so essential to life, while others were still stuck looking. But by now, the image of Yunho’s puffy cheek squished against the couch cushion (which Seonghwa knew would leave a bright red mark) is ingrained in his memory, and the feeling growing in the pit of his stomach is so alien to him.
Seonghwa’s way past feeling any sort of resentment, and so he chooses to ignore the feeling altogether, smiling fondly at the sleeping boys as he makes his way to the kitchen to cook them all a snack.
He doesn’t bother trying to stay quiet, knowing the others probably hadn’t meant to fall asleep in the first place, and before long, they’re shuffling into the kitchen with puffy eyes and little yawns to find out what smells so good.
“Did you sleep okay?” Seonghwa asks, smiling when Yunho has the decency to look sheepish, scratching the back of his head guiltily.
Mingi, on the other hand, obliviously ruffles his own hair, pouting as pushes the hair from his eyes. “Could’ve been better,” he grunts. “Every time I sleep on your couch my neck always has this weird pain when I wake-”
“Oh really now?” Seonghwa interrupts, raising his eyebrows, and Mingi visibly gulps, finally reading the mood of the room. He looks to his boyfriend for help, and Seonghwa stifles a laugh at the betrayal that crosses his face when Yunho takes a step back, clearly not wanting to be involved.
“I-” Mingi begins, faltering during what Seonghwa chooses to believe is an apology. The older rolls his eyes, waving his hand to calm the boy down.
“Relax, relax,” he says, pulling out some plates from the cabinet behind him. “You’re always welcome, you know that. How were your classes?”
A warmth spreads through Seonghwa’s chest as he fondly listens to Yunho launching into a story about his dance professor that has Mingi bursting into an obnoxious laughter every three seconds. He can’t quite help but laugh with him every time, making the process of cooking them a snack much longer than necessary.
Though when they finally sit down to eat, and Mingi moves his chair closer so he’s hovering beside Yunho, Seonghwa feels the warmth dissipate as the feeling in his stomach only grows.
He supposes he can’t compare himself to Yeosang after all, when his story isn’t quite the same.
Unlike his friend, and everyone else who looked upon Yunho and Mingi and thought of their own timer, waiting anxiously for the time in which it would run out, Seonghwa had never experienced the anticipation of the ticking clock.
For as long as he could remember, his timer had always read zero.
He had been more upset about it when he was younger, looking to his parents for answers the minute he was old enough to understand the concept. He remembers the numbness he felt when they told him, the anger bubbling inside of him when his mother begged him for forgiveness as she explained what happened.
It wasn’t their fault, and he knew that now; he had always been a curious kid, one prone to running off when he shouldn’t, and that’s just what he happened to do one afternoon, just minutes before his timer ticked all the way down. He had just been looking for someone to blame, to help him process the complex emotions he was way too young to be feeling.
He moved to denial and false hope next, when he grew up realizing he’d met some of his closest friends when he was too young to remember, praying that Yeosang or Hongjoong would one day reveal similar timers with the same unclear story behind them. But the false hope had been damaging, especially when Seonghwa came to terms with the ridiculousness of that outcome, and he was forced to understand that his two close friends had soulmates out there of their own.
Acceptance for Seonghwa came when he realized that, after meeting Mingi and Yunho, this was the best outcome.
He cared far too much about both of his friends to deny them that feeling, and his heart felt full when he got to see the small smile Yeosang reserved for the timer on his wrist. That was what his friends deserved, and he could be happy watching them all find that from the sidelines. It was too late for Seonghwa, but he had come to terms with this long ago.
And so he still cannot bring himself to understand the feeling he now gets looking at Yunho and Mingi, when a soulmate for himself isn’t something he’s considered in many many years.
He had been in a relatively good mood all morning, going out to breakfast with Hongjoong before class, and even getting to walk with the other across campus after Seonghwa’s calculus class let out the same time as his bio one. Even the bus ride home, which Seonghwa usually spends exhausted and alone, went quickly, his closest friend getting off just one stop before him. No, everything had gone okay this morning until he had returned to his apartment, his mood instantly falling at the sight of the two lovebirds.
He’s not quite sure what made him so upset about something he’s sure he got over years ago, but he knows not to discount his feelings, and this churning in his stomach, jealousy or not, is valid, and deserves to be recognized. Either way, Seonghwa’s sure that fretting about it is the furthest thing from being productive, so he makes like he’s taught in the meditation exercises he watches on YouTube and acknowledges the feeling, lets it pass, and then moves on to something else.
There were other things to worry about. Like, for example, the puppy dog eyes Yunho was currently aiming in his direction, which, to Seonghwa, screamed trouble.
“Mingi and I were thinking of watching that new movie you guys said looked good,” he starts, scooting forward in his chair to look at Seonghwa more directly. “It’s out on DVD now, we thought we’d rent it tonight.”
“That sounds fun,” Seonghwa says, narrowing his eyes at the pair. Mingi looks away, and Yunho huffs a sigh as he realizes his boyfriend will be of zero help.
“Well we were just thinking that it’s been awhile since the whole group has had a movie night, and maybe it’d be a good idea-”
“You guys can come over tonight, don’t worry about it,” Seonghwa gives in already, knowing he’s weak anyways for the younger’s begging. The warmth in his chest returns as he sees Yunho’s face light up immediately, clasping his hands together in excitement.
“Perfect! Yeosang already said he could come,” Yunho says, grinning. “He’s a little on edge anyways, with his soulmate meeting coming so soon.”
Seonghwa, who had, up until this moment, been preoccupied wondering how Yeosang was already involved in plans he had just agreed to, perked up at Yunho’s comment.
“His soulmate?”
“Yeah, he’s been on edge all week waiting for it,” Mingi answers. “He won’t tell us when it is, but it’s gotta be soon based on the way he can’t go two seconds without checking his wrist, like it’s gonna suddenly jump ahead and surprise him. Yunho and I have already placed our bets, if you want in; I’m convinced it’s today.”
Yunho rolls his eyes. “Why on earth would Yeosang agree to watch a movie tonight with us if he’s meeting his soulmate today?” He leans towards Seonghwa, who can’t help his amused smile. “If it’s any other day but today, I win the bet.”
But Mingi doesn’t look discouraged, and he rolls his eyes back at the two laughing at his naivete. “Yeosang was so distracted during lunch today I wouldn’t be surprised if he agreed to shaving off his eyebrows.”
Yunho scoffs, and Seonghwa takes that as his cue to start clearing the table. “As lovely as this little bet sounds,” he says, “I’m going to stay out of it.”
He can still hear them arguing as he makes his way to his kitchen with their dishes, but he ignores it as he takes his phone out to send a quick text to Hongjoong. He’s trying to shake off the unsettling feeling he gets from knowing Yeosang’s soulmate meeting is so close and yet his friend neglected to tell him, and he prays it has nothing to do with his own lack of soulmate experience.
Busying himself and Yeosang with a fun movie night may not be such a bad idea after all.
And since Yunho and Mingi seem to be preoccupied, it looks like it’s going to be his job to make sure all their friends can be there.
hwa
Hey, are you free tonight?
He jumps when Hongjoong responds right away.
joongie
that really depends.
hwa
On??
joongie
who’s been crashing on your couch.
hwa
Yunho and Mingi just want a movie night with all of us.
To distract Yeosang too.
Sounds like he needs it.
joongie
I was afraid of that.
I’m actually working late tonight…
hwa
No you’re not.
You told me you were off just an hour ago.
Seonghwa takes a deep breath, wondering where he should go from here. He considers using his favorite emoji, the one with pleading puppy dog eyes (not unlike Yunho’s signature ones), but he knows Hongjoong hates it, so he opts against it.
hwa
Please.
I need you.
joongie
you need me???????????
Seonghwa feels like sinking to the floor, but he can hear his younger friends reaching the end of their argument in the other room, and so he huffs a sigh of frustration, needing to end this quickly. He can’t imagine a movie night without someone to keep him sane; the last time Hongjoong skipped, Seonghwa was up half the night cleaning after Mingi thought playing a drinking game would “spice things up”. Seonghwa loves his younger friends, but they need adult supervision.
hwa
Joong, you have to come.
I’m not asking.
Everyone’s going to be there, and you love being with us.
joongie
I do *not* love being around the two lovebirds
especially not when they attempt to share that tiny armchair of yours
even after literally everyone else offers to sit there first
by themselves
cause it’s meant for one person
hwa
Yeosangie??
joongie
Yeosang is on thin fucking ice
hwa
Is it the St. Patrick's Day incident?
joongie
It’s the St. Patrick’s Day incident.
hwa
*sigh*
Well, I’ll be there…
joongie
bringing out the big guns so soon....
hwa
Please. I can’t handle them alone.
I’m afraid they’re going to stay here forever.
That or steal my television.
I’m convinced they’re only friends with me because of the platinum screen.
joongie
I’ll be there.
I can pick up food on my way
and swing by to get yeosang.
I suppose…
hwa
Lifesaver :))
You can have the loveseat, I promise.
Furthest away from the lovebirds.
joongie
share it with you??? ;)
Seonghwa grins, types another thank you, and adds his emoji for extra effect. He then locks his phone, ignoring the three immediate buzzes he receives right afterwards - that he prays isn’t Hongjoong taking it all back (hey, if he doesn’t read it, it didn’t happen) - and joins his other friends in the living room.
After assuring them Hongjoong is coming, and the food situation is taken care of, he ushers them out the door, forcing them to go home (three units down the hall) to change and give him some time alone before they inevitably crash his place once again.
Before the door is shut behind them, Seonghwa sends another quick text to their groupchat, with Yeosang too, to remind everyone of the plans. He’s partially securing Hongjoong’s and Yeosang’s presences at the movie night, and partially accounting for Mingi’s short attention span. He’s not sure how much hope he places in Yunho to get the two of them there on time.
The time flies too quickly (or Yunho and Mingi are bored at their place), and before long, Seonghwa’s living room is ransacked yet again, after he had spent his limited free time tidying up.
His only hope is Hongjoong’s text saying he’s on his way, though one of his stops must be taking up time, as thirty minutes of entertaining go by without his or Yeosang’s arrival.
Seonghwa’s wrestling shot glasses out of Yunho’s hands (does he even realize Seonghwa doesn’t have anything to put in them?) when the door opens to reveal one Hongjoong, carrying an excessive amount of takeout.
Seonghwa could cry, and that’s why he launches himself at his friend, admittedly without thinking about the food, which Hongjoong barely manages to rest on the floor before awkwardly patting Seonghwa’s back.
When they pull apart, Hongjoong glares at him, but Seonghwa’s sure that’s just because moments later, Mingi, who had seen the entire interaction, latches onto Hongjoong and doesn’t let go.
Seonghwa knows that Hongjoong doesn’t like affection much, and it’s not even very common for non-soulmates to be touchy with each other, but they’ve all known each other so long that he doesn’t think much of Hongjoong’s reaction, and he’s sure that’s why Mingi doesn’t let go, even as Hongjoong grumbles and complains into his shirt.
It isn’t until the door shuts behind him that Seonghwa realizes someone is missing.
“Where’s Yeosang?” he asks, picking up the food for Hongjoong, who’s still preoccupied with a clingy Mingi.
Hongjoong wrenches himself from the other, frowning at the group. “I swung by his place a half hour ago, but he wasn’t there. Texted him and called him, I’m getting no answer.”
Seonghwa feels sick for a moment, until Mingi yells triumphantly.
“I told you today was the day!” he cheers, to his boyfriend’s dismay.
“The day?” Hongjoong asks.
“Apparently, Yeosang’s soulmate meeting is sometime soon,” Seonghwa explains. “These two were placing bets.”
Hongjoong nods like it makes sense, because it does, and Yunho sighs as he hands Mingi some cash.
But while the others take this explanation easily, Seonghwa still isn’t sure, and he can’t help but feel worried for his friend. That is, of course, until all of their phones buzz with a message from the devil himself.
sangie
sryr im laet
b ther soon
prmise
srry :)/)))
Hongjoong scoffs. “Is he drunk or something?”
“Drunk on loooove,” Yunho coos, wrapping his arms around Mingi from behind, who shrinks into his hold.
“That is disgusting.” Hongjoong pretends to vomit at their display of affection, especially after Mingi turns into Yunho’s embrace, the latter now choosing to pepper kisses all over his boyfriend’s face (at this point, he’s definitely just antagonizing the older boy), but Seonghwa is too busy fretting over his (thankfully safe) missing friend.
Yeosang had found his soulmate? Where are they from, what are they like? Are they kind, is Yeosang happy? Seonghwa is sure his friend must be happy, and he feels a rush of joy himself at the news. But then he remembers Yeosang’s message, that he’ll be there soon, and panics again. Is his soulmate with him? They can’t possibly be separated already. Does Seonghwa have to meet a new person, and Yeosang’s soulmate, too, and so soon? He’s not quite sure he’s ready, looking down at his comfy clothes for a movie night and then over and Yunho and Mingi, who he’s sure will present as drunk idiots to a stranger, and then oh god the house isn’t clean enough for a stranger.
Hongjoong grabs his arm as Seonghwa instinctively reaches to tidy the mail on his table. “Leave it be, you can’t prepare for something like this.” He chuckles at Seonghwa’s pout, and squeezes his literally trembling fingers (okay, maybe he’s a little neurotic) before moving on to the living room. “Let’s give Yeosang some time, we should start the movie!”
Yunho and Mingi perk up at this (it’s perhaps the only thing capable of separating them) and they follow Hongjoong to set up the film. Seonghwa sighs, but he follows the others, still managing to fix the positions of some of the furniture on his way.
He walks right into an argument about the seating situation (really, had he been that far behind the others?).
“All I’m saying is,” Hongjoong says, ever so politely (though Seonghwa can see that scary look in his eye he gets when he’s fed up), “no one would complain if the two of you took your turn to sit on the couch.”
Yunho is already shaking his head, waving a hand in his face. “No, no, Mingi and I are fine, we won’t take up space,” and proceeds to plop himself on the chair to the far right, pulling Mingi after him. Won’t take up space, he says, but the two (far larger than any other members of the group) are so crammed Mingi is completely on Yunho’s lap, and Hongjoong huffs as he makes his way over to the loveseat on the left, skipping over the couch in the middle entirely.
Seonghwa laughs as he crosses the room to sit beside him. “No couch for you?” he teases, and Hongjoong pouts.
“I believe I was promised a loveseat.” He raises his eyebrows, to which Seonghwa rolls his eyes, and then reaches over the older boy for the remote to get the television set up. “I just thought maybe I could help us all a bit and save us from that.” He looks distastefully at the younger couple, and Seonghwa follows his gaze. Yunho is whispering in Mingi’s ear, who is giggling wildly, a wide grin on his face.
Seonghwa smiles a bit, ignoring Hongjoong’s scoff as his reaction. His friends truly do love each other, and the fact that Yeosang too will soon have happiness like this is enough for his heart to feel all warm and fuzzy.
The movie is set up before long, and Hongjoong presses play before asking if everyone is ready, effectively ending the giggly conversation on the other side of the room.
It takes approximately four minutes before Hongjoong’s hardened, sarcastic, and cold demeanor to fade as he sinks slightly into the couch, closer to Seonghwa. His warmth and the way he’s leaning on Seonghwa’s shoulder is enough for the older’s anxiety about Yeosang’s soulmate to fade. He relaxes a bit himself, focusing on the film in front of him.
It takes approximately six minutes for the calm and quiet of the movie night to be ruined by a pair of additional guests bursting their way into the apartment.
Hongjoong can barely get the movie paused before the commotion erupts, and a grinning Yeosang (happier than Seonghwa has ever seen him) makes his way into the living room, dragging behind him a younger-looking boy with dark hair and a soft smile.
“Everybody, meet Jongho,” he says before anything else, and Seonghwa saves the chuckle at his eager mood to smile at the younger boy, who is, presumably, Yeosang’s soulmate.
The dark-haired boy bows, and he makes eye contact with everyone as they introduce themselves, attentive and polite, that is, of course, until his eyes land back on Yeosang, and they don’t look like they’re leaving for the rest of the night.
“Anyways, I’m so sorry if we interrupted,” Yeosang says sheepishly, his smile still so wide it looks like it’s been permanently etched on his face. “You guys can play the movie, don’t let us keep you waiting.”
Seonghwa waves his hands and rolls his eyes, assuring them, as everyone in the room agrees, that they’re doing no such thing, and Yeosang and Jongho are ushered into their own seat facing the television, given a slight recap on the film’s plot in the six minutes they’ve missed.
As the two settle onto the couch, they’re closer than Yunho and Mingi, leaving a ridiculous amount of space open to the left of them. Seonghwa sighs as he realizes maybe he needs to invest in some new furniture. Luckily (for Hongjoong at least), they’ve taken the side closest to the other pair of lovebirds, and the two oldest are saved a bit from the overly affectionate displays.
It doesn’t take long for the group to get back into the movie (surprisingly enough), a lighter mood filling the air. Seonghwa can’t help the glances over to the new soulmates, already in their own little world as they whisper about what’s on the screen.
“Is that going to be you too sometime soon?” he whispers teasingly to Hongjoong, who sits up straighter and glances at the pair cuddling on the couch. “You’re going to leave me for the couples’ side of the room?”
But Hongjoong’s silent, a look in his eyes Seonghwa can’t quite place as he looks at Yeosang and Jongho, his jaw set and his hands fisted in his lap. He then glances up at Seonghwa, the same indecipherable look in his eyes, and huffs a laugh. “Never,” he says, but it doesn’t quite come off like the joke Seonghwa’s sure he intended.
Hongjoong is stiff now, no longer leaning into Seonghwa, and before the older can think too much about it, he moves his gaze back to the younger pair on the couch.
Seonghwa is so incredibly happy for his friend and the new addition to their little group. The way Yeosang’s eyes light up when they look up at Jongho is so different than the way his eyes used to light up when they looked at his timer, like whatever was missing in them before is filled by the person in front of him. Seonghwa can only imagine what it feels like, but he’s sure he feels a fraction of it himself looking at his friend this way.
He thinks he can find a bit of that completeness in Yeosang and Jongho, and in Yunho and Mingi too. The second pair have used up some of their energy, and Seonghwa thinks he can see Mingi beginning to doze on Yunho’s shoulder. He smiles, and wonders if his eyes are anything like Yeosang’s. If maybe waiting for the countdown on the wrist of someone he cares about this much is anything like waiting for his own.
And then Seonghwa thinks about the boy beside him, and a tightness pinches at his chest. It’s a bit like longing, not quite the jealousy he was sure he was feeling earlier, and aside from envy, anger, and bitterness there’s a certain sadness he feels instead, like loss weighing on his heart. The idea of Hongjoong finding his soulmate makes him feel sad, like it will be the end of something, something much more than a ticking timer on his wrist.
Seonghwa’s broken from his thoughts by a warm head plopping itself upon his shoulder, and only then does he notice Hongjoong’s noticeably softer than before, and also dead asleep. The buzzing warmth he feels in his chest spreads through his whole body as he wraps his own arm around Hongjoong’s sleeping frame, tucking him even closer.
Hongjoong shifts a bit in his sleep, and Seonghwa feels a small hand grasping the material of his shirt. He leans in himself, smiling into Hongjoong’s hair as the smaller boy’s head is fitted into his neck.
Hongjoong’s soft breaths were enough to calm the strange feeling in his stomach, and Seonghwa couldn’t even be bothered to think about what the feeling might mean. He knows that come tomorrow, everything could change. Time had always been his enemy, but for now, time seems to stop like the frozen clock on his wrist, and all Seonghwa can concern himself with is this moment.
~
Everyone is long gone before Hongjoong even begins to stir, having been waved out of the apartment (quietly, by a firm Seonghwa) as soon as the movie is over.
The younger boy shifts in Seonghwa’s arms, groaning slightly, and the older takes this opportunity to try and coax him from his uncomfortable position on the couch.
Hongjoong protests -- and loudly, may he add -- and fights Seonghwa at all costs.
“C’mon, Joong,” Seonghwa pleads, “the bed will be so much more comfortable.”
“The bed?” Hongjoong mumbles, his eyes still closed as Seonghwa finally wrenches him from the chair’s cushions and in the direction of his bedroom. “I can’t stay here, what about my pajamas?”
Seonghwa eyes his raggedy sweatpants and loose t-shirt. “I don’t think that’s going to be much of an issue.”
“Wow, coming onto me already,” Hongjoong jokes, and Seonghwa can’t help but laugh at the way he looks up at him, his eyelids drooping heavily as he can barely keep them open. “That’s a bit inappropriate, Hwa, you’re not my soulmate.”
At those words, Seonghwa feels himself freeze, and the boy in front of him seems to sober up instantly, looking much more awake as he straightens his body and avoids eye contact immediately. Everything feels wrong then, his arms around him, the supporting hand on his back, and he barely registers as Hongjoong detangles himself and walks the remaining distance to his room on his own.
By the time Seonghwa makes it there, feeling kind of like he’s been kicked in the gut, Hongjoong has already made himself at home on the far side of the bed, his back to Seonghwa as he faces the opposite wall.
There’s silence as Seonghwa turns out the light, walking to his bathroom down the hall to brush his teeth. It’s still silent when he returns, and he’s pretty sure his friend has already fallen asleep.
But as he settles himself down next to Hongjoong, he can’t help but feel more awake than ever. He lays on his back, staring at the ceiling and thinking about the boy beside him.
“I was kind of hoping when you texted me tonight that you were planning on hanging out just the two of us,” Hongjoong admits suddenly, and it would’ve startled Seonghwa in the silence of the room, if it weren’t for the way his voice sounded so small.
Seonghwa rolls on his side to face him, but Hongjoong doesn’t turn around. “But you had fun with everyone else,” he says softly, “you like them all a lot more than you let on.”
Hongjoong shifts a bit, and then sighs. “Yeah,” he says finally, “Sometimes I just wish it could be only us.”
Seonghwa wishes more than anything that Hongjoong would turn around, so he could see his face, tell what he’s thinking, but he doesn’t move. He feels his hand stretching out towards Hongjoong’s back, but he’s not sure what he’s reaching for, to comfort him, to calm him down, to make sure he’s real--
“But you’re not my soulmate.”
Seonghwa’s hand falters, and he pulls it back to his chest. He finally understands the sickening feeling he’s been getting, and he knows Hongjoong does too. But there’s nothing either of them can do about it, the frozen clock on Seonghwa’s wrist, and the ticking one on Hongjoong’s proof of that. Hongjoong’s words shatter any fantasy he had ever dreamed of. He was not his soulmate.
“It’s not fair,” Seonghwa chokes, clutching the back of Hongjoong’s shirt as he rests his forehead on his back. “It’s not fair,” he repeats, because one day Hongjoong will go off and find his soulmate, and leave him alone on the opposite side of the living room. He’ll find his happiness, but it won’t be with Seonghwa, and while he can spend his life watching others around them find their joy, he’s not sure he can handle the same happening for Hongjoong.
He’s spent so many years thinking it was all okay, because there was nothing anyone could do and how could he deny anyone’s happiness the way he was denied his own? But he cries now because it wasn’t okay, it was never okay, and it will never be okay. Because it isn’t fair that he can feel so deeply for one person and not be allowed to, it isn’t fair that with so much love in his heart he of all people isn’t allowed to share it with another.
He sobs against Hongjoong, trembling, but the other boy doesn’t move an inch. He doesn’t turn around, he doesn’t face Seonghwa, and the older isn’t sure if he’s upset or relieved. Seonghwa tries not to think about it, and lets himself go like he’s six again and finding out for the first time that he’s soulmateless.
He’s not sure when the grip he has on Hongjoong’s shirt loosens, or when his choked sobs start to fade out. He only feels himself shift even closer as his eyes grow heavy and he falls asleep.
~
When he wakes up, Seonghwa can’t move.
There’s a heavy weight on his chest, and arms circling his body that most certainly are not his own. His eyes go wide as he realizes just who he’s snuggled up against, his head on Seonghwa’s chest, his arms clutching his sides, and their legs tangled together at the end of the bed.
“Joongie?” he asks softly, lifting his head to peer down at the boy on top of him. His struggling has woken Hongjoong up, and he blinks his eyes up at Seonghwa as he notices their position on the bed.
Hongjoong groans when he meets Seonghwa’s eyes, rolling over as he attempts to untangle himself from him. Seonghwa isn’t sure what to say, and he expects Hongjoong is feeling the same way as he silently rolls over to the opposite side of the bed.
Seonghwa lays his back down on the bed as Hongjoong pulls his arm out from under him, trying to calm his racing heart. His face is flushed, and as he finally finds the courage to sit up, he’s unable to look his friend in the eyes.
Instead, he looks down at his hands. But his right arm, which he had just pulled out from under Seonghwa, was missing something Seonghwa had never seen the younger without. Hongjoong’s bracelet, the leather band that is always tied around his wrist.
It’s a cruel trick, to show Seonghwa his friend’s timer for the first time after a night like the last one. Except, as he reads the tattoo, his heart stops beating in his chest.
0 years, 0 days, 0 hours, 0 minutes, 0 seconds
“Hongjoong,” he says, voice shaking as he reaches out for his wrist. “Hongjoong, your timer.”
But Hongjoong’s face has hardened, and he yanks his hand back from Seonghwa’s grasp aggressively. “You don’t need to remind me!” he snaps suddenly, and Seonghwa flinches back, a tightness in his chest growing as he registers pain on Hongjoong’s face.
“What happened last night was nothing,” Hongjoong says, beginning to shut down already. “I’ll never know my soulmate, and you’ll go and find yours and none of this will matter. Just leave me alone already! It hurts enough to think I’ll never get what everyone else has, what Jongho and Yeosang and Yunho and Mingi have. That’s like a slap in the face every day, but you,” his voice cracks, but he takes a deep breath and continues, “I don’t need to be thinking about the fact that you belong to someone else, too.”
He breaks down crying then, and Seonghwa wonders if this is anything like the way he looked last night. His heart breaks in his chest at the thought, and he reaches out to Hongjoong once more, his arms open wide. Hongjoong falls, and Seonghwa catches him, and he holds him there tightly against his chest as he cries.
“I’m so sorry, Hwa,” Hongjoong chokes, but Seonghwa just shushes him, running a hand up and down his back. He prays that the other can’t feel the way his heart is racing, the way it feels like every inch of his skin is on fire, as he attempts to calm him down.
When his breathing evens out and he begins to still in his arms, Seonghwa runs a hand through Hongjoong’s hair and pulls back to look at him.
“Can I show you something now?”
There’s confusion in Hongjoong’s eyes, but Seonghwa doesn’t wait for an answer as he shifts to sit in front of Hongjoong, revealing his own right arm covered by a silk scarf. He unties the scarf, revealing the timer beneath to the boy in front of him.
Hongjoong is frozen, not unlike the timer itself, and doesn’t say anything. Seonghwa looks at him, but he’s not meeting his eyes.
“I was too young to remember my timer running out,” he explains softly. “I met my soulmate when I was only a baby, I’d always thought it was someone I’d never know…” he trails off, and Hongjoong finally looks up to meet his eyes.
“You were at the park that day?” he says quietly, and it sounds more like a realization than a question. His eyes are soft; there’s a look in them Seonghwa knows all too well, and it’s just like the way he used to look at him before, and yet so much more. He’s seen it in Yeosang and Yunho and Mingi, but never in himself nor the boy in front of him, and yet he’s certain as he looks back at Hongjoong that the younger’s eyes are paralleling his own.
And then Hongjoong’s on him, and they’re tangled in a strange sort of embrace where he’s not sure if they’re hugging or kissing or some weird combination of the two, and Seonghwa can barely register anything but the feel of Hongjoong’s lips on his own. It feels so right, and so he sinks into it, pulling Hongjoong even closer, breathing him in desperately, like it’s the end, like everything’s ending.
He feels like he’s falling apart, like he’s falling, and then he is falling, the weight of Hongjoong on top of him nearly sending the pair off the bed, but Hongjoong grabs him by the shirt and yanks him back, and they’re falling the other way. And then Seonghwa is on top of him, and their noses bump together with the impact, and Seonghwa knows his whole body weight is crushing him, but he can’t bring himself to care, because Hongjoong is here, Hongjoong is now, and Hongjoong is his.
He’s sure he’s crying now, stray tears falling off the tip of his nose and onto Hongjoong’s face below him. He breaks apart from Hongjoong because he’s smiling, and Hongjoong’s smiling, and they’re both laughing and crying and Seonghwa can’t take his eyes off of him.
He presses his lips to Hongjoong’s once more, and then to his nose, and then the tears under his eyes, and then his forehead, and then he pulls back and cradles his face in his palms.
“Why are you crying?” Hongjoong asks, but his voice cracks mid sentence and they both burst out laughing in each other’s arms. Seonghwa rests his forehead on Hongjoong’s, and they both just sit there, looking at each other.
Seonghwa can feel everything, the way Hongjoong’s hand digs into his hip, the way their chests press against one another, their noses brushing, and he sighs in relief. Looking down at Hongjoong, he’s never felt happier in his life.
I can’t believe it, Seonghwa almost says, but he stops himself. Because he can believe it, because it makes perfect sense, and he’s not sure how he never noticed it before. How perfect this was, how much this made sense. How everything in his life, down to the sickening feeling of jealousy in his stomach, pointed him towards Hongjoong.
“I’m just so happy you found me,” he says instead, and kisses him once more.