Archive of Our Own

Yu was never phased by anything. That’s what it seemed like, at least.

He was their leader. He couldn’t be weak, he couldn’t be scared—or at least he wasn’t supposed to appear that way. He had to appear calm and collected, as to set an example for the rest of the group.

And yet, here he was, trembling with fear over a few offhanded comments from Yosuke.

Yu knew that he wasn’t the most accepting of other identities. There was a clear reason that he was the only member of the Investigation Team to not be told about Chie and Yukiko’s relationship. He knew that Yosuke’s opinion of Kanji’s sexuality and Shadow was questionable at best, and downright disgusting at worst.

He knew all of this, but yet it still stung like hell to hear it out loud.

“I mean, are you really… you know… like that?”

Yu bit his lip. He should’ve expected this. The way Yosuke acted in Kanji’s bathhouse was bad enough, so him freaking out when they were alone together didn’t seem too far fetched. Yu wanted to imagine Yosuke respecting and caring for Kanji to help welcome him to the team, and wanted to imagine Yosuke apologizing for how he reacted after seeing his Shadow. It wasn’t even about his own crush at this point; he’d pretty much accepted that it was unrealistic to anticipate anything to result from it since day one. He wasn’t even upset about that, it was just an objective fact. Yosuke didn’t reciprocate his feelings, just like how the sky was blue and that grass was green. That itself wasn’t the problem. The problem was that he was acting like Kanji was some sort of freak of nature, and that was what hurt.

“Wh- What the hell, man? Are you saying I like dudes?”

Yu took a shaky breath. There was still a chance for things to turn around, for Yosuke to apologize and for things to go back to normal. It was tiny and ever-shrinking, but it was still there. All he had to do was just stop talking-

“Don’t play dumb. We all saw your shadow in that bathhouse. I don’t think I could forget a place as terrifying as that,” Yosuke was condescending and almost rude, and it didn’t sound right. Yu was of course biased, but that mean of a tone didn't feel right when it was Yosuke’s mouth it was coming out of.

He took deep breath, which was coupled with immense fear. Whether it was fear for his physical safety or fear of being abandoned by his closest friend, he wasn’t sure. The only thing he knew for certain that he felt unsafe and sick to his stomach.

“I- Just shut it, okay?” Kanji’s eyes met his own not long after speaking, which only worsened the feelings of overall dread pooling in his stomach. He should say something, shouldn’t he? Kanji probably felt ten times worse than he did, and yet he’s fixated on his own problems that paled in comparison. He was their leader, and yet he couldn’t even speak up for someone who was being harassed.

Tears began forming in the corners of his eyes.

There’s no way that Kanji hadn’t seen the clear hurt on his face and tear droplets in his eyes. He’d been trying to hide it, but knew that he’d slipped at some point. He silently prayed that he wouldn’t point it out or ask any questions, and it seemed to come true. Kanji simply gave him a half nod of understanding after a second of confusion, and looked right back over to Yosuke as if the both of them weren’t suffering emotionally.

Yu made a mental note to thank him later.

“Are we gonna be safe alone with you? I mean, there’s no telling what could happen, especially with that shad-”

“S- SHUT UP!”

Kanji yelled so loudly that there’s no way the tents next to theirs hadn’t heard it. Yu flinched as he tried calming himself down with slow, steady breaths. Although he could be loud and aggressive at times, Kanji never yelled like that before, at least since joining the team. It’s not like Yu blamed him—it was clearly a sensitive subject, and it didn’t help that Yosuke was showering Kanji’s wounds with salt. Now he only felt worse for not backing him up, but it was too late now. The droplets in his eyes had only grown in volume, and there’s no way that Yosuke wouldn’t notice them if he spoke up. The mere idea of that was so terrifying to him that he decided to indulge in his selfishness and stay silent. He felt awful about it, but he was too upset and panicked from everything that had already happened to simply face his fears and stand up for Kanji.

He wiped at the ever-growing droplets in the corners of his eyes and kept taking deep breaths, trying to maintain his composure, as his mind started repeating what Yosuke had said against his will.

‘I mean, there’s no telling what could happen.’

It didn’t take a genius to figure out what he had meant by that. He was so obviously hinting at assault, evidently some sort of sexual assault. Yu’s brain was already in a frenzy, but that made his emotions worsen even more.
He thought that Kanji was going to assault him; Kanji, the absolute sweetheart who just wanted to sew cute dolls. If Yosuke thought Kanji was going to do that, then what would he think he would do?

In the back of his mind, he imagined Yosuke saying that to him, not Kanji. It was uncomfortably easy to do, which only reinforced his panicked state. He didn’t see any reason for Yosuke to react any differently if their roles were reversed, and that made him feel even more sick. Maybe Yosuke would bring up his quiet nature rather than his non-existent Shadow. Maybe he’d accuse him of being a massive perv, and that’s why he was always so quiet. Maybe he’d say even worse things to him than Kanji, because they’d known each other for longer and he’d ‘broken their trust.’
Yu was failing to cope with the situation. He looked at the ground and dug his nails into the back of his hand in a futile attempt to put the pain somewhere else so it wasn’t as visible on his face as it currently was. After all, having Yosuke see him crying would arguably be a worse fate than simply taking everything in silence. He’d already made the mistake of letting Kanji see, and he wasn’t going to slip up again.

“Oh, so you are admitting to planning something?”

Yu made the dreadful mistake of looking away from his hand. He noticed that just like him, Kanji looked to be on the verge of tears. Not tears of sadness, though. Instead, his eyes windowed to a rage-filled soul.

He trembled a bit.

Kanji spoke so quickly and angrily that it was hard to entirely understand what he was saying, but Yu understood that he was leaving to the girl’s tent, and before either of them had a chance to convince him that it was a bad idea, he sprinted away into the darkness.

“…Sorry about that,” Yosuke spoke up almost immediately after Kanji left. “At least we’re safe now.” He shrugged.
They were safe now, implying that Yosuke wouldn’t be safe alone with him if he knew.

“Uh… yeah.” He’d meant to end the sentence with gratitude of some sort, so their conversation wouldn’t feel so unnatural, but he faltered. He couldn’t bring himself to thank Yosuke for quite possibly making Kanji have some sort of anxiety attack, even if it wasn’t legitimate in the slightest.

Yosuke stopped talking for a while quickly after that and plugged his headphones into his MP3 player he seemed to take everywhere, leaving his partner alone with his thoughts.

——

‘But are we safe alone with you?’

‘So you were planning something?’

‘I mean, there’s no telling what could happen…’

Shut up. Shut up shut up shut up shut up SHUT UP.

Yu couldn’t even tell if he was trying to say that to Yosuke or his own mind at this point, but those three lines were playing in a loop in his mind, with vague pleas for it to please just stop already as a backing track.

Would Yosuke hate him if he knew?

That was a dumb question, of course not. Yosuke wasn’t some ultra-religious old women who thought that homosexuality was going to be the end of the world, he was a 16 year old who thought it was kind of gross. Yosuke wouldn’t hate him just for that alone. Hell, he didn’t hate Kanji for it, even taking his Shadow into consideration.

But would Yosuke think less of him because of it?

..As much as he hated to admit it, probably.

But are we safe alone with you?

He’d be uncomfortable just in a room with him. They wouldn’t even be able to hang out together without Yosuke’s mind jumping to the worst possible conclusion.

Maybe he’d stop with the cute little partner nickname too. That was the absolute last thing he should be worrying about given everything that just went down, but it was still something that would likely happen if Yosuke knew that he wasn’t straight. He’d probably be too afraid of people ‘jumping to the wrong conclusion’ or something.

He’d be disappointed; afraid, even.

Maybe Yosuke would just flat out distance himself from him. He and Kanji weren’t super close, after all. Maybe that was the reason. It could also be that he was the newest team member, but the fear in his mind decided to ignore that possibility in favor of a very clear vision of Yosuke distancing himself from him. Maybe he’d lie about having more shifts, maybe he’d just simply say he was ‘busy.’ He didn’t seem like the type of person to just tell him straight up why he was ignoring him, so it would be months and months of a guessing game as to what the hell was going on.

Or, more accurately, it would be months and months of Yu trying to deny why he was doing that despite knowing undoubtedly. He already had this scenario play out in his head, afterall; it wouldn’t be very hard to determine why Yosuke suddenly stopped hanging out with him.

He took yet another deep breath in and out to calm his nerves.

Maybe it was a good thing that he didn’t stand up for Kanji. Alright, maybe not good per say, but there was certainly a silver lining to all of this. An incredibly selfish one, he felt, but one nonetheless. At least this way Yosuke wouldn’t suspect anything about him and they could continue their friendship normally. It wasn’t fair at all that Kanji was outed without permission, but at least this way he could avoid the exact same scenario happening to him.

“Hey, you alright Partner? You’re not looking too good,” Yosuke asked after a while, glancing over him. Oh shit, he must have noticed. Immediately Yu jumped up and tried his very best to look like he’d not been panicking for the last.. 5 minutes? 10? How long had it even been since Kanji had left? Regardless, he wiped at the tear droplets yet again and pretended that nothing was wrong.

“Hm? Oh yeah, I’m.. uh... fine.” Wow, very convincing. He mentally scolded himself for getting lost in his thoughts and forgetting that Yosuke was here as he held his breath. Hopefully he would believe him and not say anything else about it, but that seemed unlikely. Yosuke was (normally, though today seemed to be one massive exception) kind and caring. It would be odd for him to simply ignore something like this, but that didn’t stop Yu from hoping that he would.

“You sure?” Yosuke questioned. He clearly wasn’t convinced, which made him sigh internally. He scrambled for some sort of excuse, and spat out the first one he thought of.

“Yeah, I’m just tired.” It was late, after all. That made sense.

“Oh, okay. G’night then. Sleep well.”

Yu sighed in relief as Yosuke seemingly returned to what he had been doing before. It was nice to know that he cared, but it was probably- no, definitely- better that he didn't know what was going on. If he suffered alone then at least he’d still have a best friend to talk to when he was okay.

‘He feels unsafe around you. He has the right to know.’

God, not this again.

‘He doesn’t need to know everything. It’s my right to privacy. It won’t affect him,’ the sane part of his mind tried to argue back.

‘But then you’d be lying.’ It didn’t work.

‘If he knew then he’d distance himself from me. I can’t afford to lose him of all people.’

‘That’s the point. He has the right to know that you’re a fucking fa-’

This was going to be a long night, wasn’t it?

Even if he wanted to say something, how would he do it? ‘Hey, I know you hate gay people and think they’re disgusting freaks of nature but I’m gay! Anyways wanna go get some ice cream at Junes?’ There was no way that he could just.. do that. He would come across as vulnerable, and that idea was terrifying to him. He was supposed to help the rest of the group with their problems, not the other way around. Even then, what would that even achieve? A temporary relief for being honest with him? Would that be worth the long term effects of it likely completely destroying their friendship?

“..Is this about what that just happened?” With all of the debate going on in his mind, Yu jumped as Yosuke spoke up again. He’d somehow managed to completely forget that he was there again, despite Yosuke being the only thing on his mind, which only made him realize just how out of it he was. Normally he was incredibly perceptive and aware of everything happening in a room, but now he’d managed to forget about Yosuke’s presence twice in less than ten minutes.

“I told you that I’m fine, I’m just a little tired. I appreciate your concern, though.” He silently begged for Yosuke to please just believe his lie and move on with his life. He didn’t have the emotional capacity to deal with a conversation like this right now, and he hated the idea of pushing Yosuke away or straight up telling him that he didn’t have the energy.

“You’re clearly not, your face is all red and stuff. So is it about what just happened or not?” He sighed. It looked like there was no point in denying that he was at least a bit upset about something about what had just gone down, but how could he go about it? There was absolutely no way he could tell the truth, that was for sure. But what lie could he possibly tell? Maybe he didn’t have to come up with a lie at all, and could just force something vague out of his with the hopes that Yosuke wouldn’t push any further. Yeah, that sounded like a good idea.

“..Yes. I promise that I’m fine though.”

“Oh,” Yosuke seemed upset. In any other circumstances he would have scrambled to find out what was wrong, but right now he couldn’t have cared any less.

Is it something I did?” Yosuke asked with a fair amount of sincerity. It really shouldn’t have, but that only made Yu feel worse about everything going on. Yosuke genuinely cared about why he was upset, but if he knew the actual reason…

He’d be disappointed. Or at the very least weirded out.

Obviously he had to lie. Obviously, because he couldn’t tell Yosuke that this was all his fault. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he made Yosuke even more upset.

“..No.”

“Oh, that’s good.” He went silent for a bit, thank god, which gave Yu a chance to calm down from everything. Yosuke was finally done talking, and so he could finally relax and try to sleep. He wasn’t particularly tired, but at least if he was asleep he wouldn’t have to deal with the argument going on in his brain. He relaxed his shoulders, and for quite possibly the first time since the argument with Kanji had started, smilied. It wasn’t exactly genuine, but it was enough to make him feel better for the time being.

..It’s a good thing I kicked him out then, right?”

Goddamnit.

Of course he wasn’t done.

Of course.

“Hm?” He hadn’t had time to fully comprehend what Yosuke had meant.

“Well he’s the reason you’re feeling all uncomfy and stuff right?” No. Nonononono no, this wasn’t going to happen again.

He said nothing.

“So it’s a good thing I stopped him before he could do anything to us.”

He wasn’t going to do anything to us in the first place. He wasn’t going to hurt you or me. He’s one of the nicest people we know.

He dug his fingernails deeper into the back of his hand, having to bite his lip to prevent himself from talking or showing too much emotion on his face.

He wasn’t supposed to appear weak like this, especially not when doing so would cause Yosuke to stop being his friend. If he managed to lose Yosuke, who already had self image issues and felt that he didn’t deserve him to begin with, then he’d never be able to keep anyone else.

He had to keep his mouth shut.

“Honestly I don’t blame you for getting uncomfortable. There’s no telling what he could have done if I hadn’t gotten him to leave. I mean it’s different when Chie and Yukiko are around but alone with the two of us? God, it gives me the creeps.” Stop it. Stop it stop it stop it please.

“I mean it’s okay to be.. like that I guess, but I dunno. It still scares me to be alone with one. Like I said who knows what could happ-”

“Yosuke-” he pleaded, he begged, but it apparently went unheard. He’d already broken his promise not to speak up, but that was wholly overshadowed by the overwhelming nausea growing in his stomach. He felt genuinely sick at this point, just like he had when Yosuke was still arguing with Kanji. He knew that mindlessly hoping it would go away wouldn't do anything, but that didn’t stop him. There were also yet more tears forming in his eyes, already beginning to roll down his cheeks.

He went to go dig his nails even deeper, yet stopped himself. There were already very visible red marks, and it was already a bit more painful than it should have been. Even with the dozens upon dozens of times he’d done that exact same thing it had never been painful after more than a few seconds, which only showed just how awful this whole situation was making him feel. His panic made him temporarily forget that he simply could have used his other hand, and so he instead opted to take yet another deep breath in and out.

It didn’t do anything, but at least he tried.

“-en? Ah, sorry for ranting. I’m just glad it’s just us two now. At least I know I’m safe with you. I mean you're super weird but at least you’re not..” Yu completely drowned out what Yosuke’s next words were in favor of trying to fight the voices in his head that wouldn’t stop repeating his words.

‘At least I’m safe around you.’

‘At least I’m safe around you.’

‘At least I’m safe around you.’

A single phrase ran through Yu’s mind, ‘No
, you’re not.’

And before he even had a chance to stop himself or let Yosuke finish, the words came tumbling out of his mouth uncontrollably.

“J-Just stop it! Please!”

Yosuke’s eyes instantly shot over to him, a look of complete confusion in his eyes.

Fuck.

The one thing he wasn’t supposed to do was get Yosuke to notice his panic, and he’d done just that. Twice.

He had to think of an excuse. He had to think of an excuse fast. It was easier to justify his face being a little red, but this? He was very visibly crying for one, and even that paled in comparison to him begging Yosuke to stop talking. His partner could be a little simpleminded at times, but he wasn’t flat out dumb. There was no way that another empty statement like ‘I’m tired’ would suffice. His mind was so overwhelmed by panic and fear that he forgot about the previous pain in his hand, and dug them back in regardless. It was painful, it was really, really painful, but it was also strangely calming in a way. He really ought to find a better way of dealing with anxiety, but it worked for now.

“Woah, hey, what’s wrong?” He asked with even more concern than the previous time. It shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did. He unplugged his headphones as well, which only showed how worried he was.

“Nothing. I’m fine.” He spat out almost instantaneously. That probably only made things worse in retrospect, but he wasn’t exactly thinking logically at the moment.

“You’re clearly not. I mean, you’re crying! And you yelled at me to stop talking! What’s wrong, Partner?” Even though he was staring at his palm, Yu could clearly imagine the look Yosuke had on his face. It was incredibly concerned, just like his voice was. That combined with the way he’d said partner (caring, worried) made the
nauseousness in Yu’s stomach die down in favor of guilt. He made Yosuke this worried about him, and yet he had no intention on giving him a truthful answer to why he was upset.

“It’s really nothing, I’m alright I promise.” Again, probably worse than just coming up with another lie. He realized that even before he said it, but another excuse simply wouldn’t come to him.

“It’s clearly not nothing! C’mon, we’re both guys so just tell me what’s wrong! If it’s about Kanji.. he’s gone so you don’t have to worry about that anymore. But if this is his fault then I’m totally going to beat his ass tomorrow.” Yosuke scooted closer to him and he couldn’t help but finally look up. Yosuke was giving him a small, genuine smile that made him feel both better and worse at the same time. One one hand it showed that he truly did care, but on the other hand it only reminded Yu that he still didn’t intend on telling him any sort of truth.

He didn’t want to put the blame on Kanji; he hadn’t done anything wrong. He also didn’t want poor Yosuke to end up dead in the morning from trying to pick a fight with him. It’s not like he could tell the truth either, but hopefully he could find a convincing lie soon enough.

“It’s not about Kanji. And even if it was, I wouldn't advise doing that; he’d completely crush you.” That wasn’t intended to be a joke, it was simply an honest statement. Kanji would completely crush Yosuke if he tried to pick a fight, no doubt about it. But after an (admittedly cute) laugh and punch in the arm, he realized that Yosuke hadn’t taken it that way. Not that he was complaining, considering it seemed to lighten the mood and distract Yosuke from the situation at hand.

“Do you have to be so deadpan about everything!? I might not win but he definitely wouldn’t crush me!” Yosuke was grinning. Yu felt safe, like all of this had never happened and they were just hanging out as friends again. He probably smiled back; he was too focused on Yosuke’s stupidly cute smile to pay attention.

“Mhm, sure.”

Yosuke laughed again, quieter this time, and then paused for a second, seemingly remembering what they were originally talking about. “But if it wasn’t Kanji then what was it about? You sounded really upset earlier. You can tell me anything, you know. You’re my partner!” Yosuke was giving him such a sweet stare that it felt impossible to keep looking at him without turning into putty on the floor. He’d assumed that Yosuke would be making fun of him for crying at the very least, but was pleasantly surprised. Given his track record with Kanji, Yu assumed he’d be the type of person to say that ‘Boys don’t cry’ or tell him to ‘Man up.’ Then again, it was Yosuke he was talking about. It was hard to imagine Yosuke laughing at him for showing emotion, especially when he tended to laugh at him for doing the opposite. Yu stared at the ground to refrain from spontaneously combusting from looking into Yosuke’s eyes for too long, and gathered his thoughts.

He took a deep breath in and out. What could he even say? No, the real question was what did Yosuke want him to say? What could he lie about for the least reaction possible? It would be hard considering he’d never cried in front of Yosuke before, but he could surely come up with something, right? Maybe all of this had reminded him of a traumatizing event? Would he believe that? Would that just cause more questions? He assumed that the answers to those questions were no and yes respectively, but he didn’t have any other options.

“Well, I,” he started, but abruptly stopped as an all too familiar feeling manifested in his head.

‘You can tell me anything, you know.’

This couldn’t happen again- not now. Not when Yosuke was mere inches away from him and would be able to see every marker of fear on his face.

Not now.

Yu brought his nails back to the back of his palm once more, his panic making him forget how much it already hurt. He winced a bit in pain as he pushed down, likley causing some sort of confusion from Yosuke who couldn’t see his hand, though that was the last thing he cared about at the moment.

‘At least I’m safe around you.’

‘There’s no telling what he could have done.’

‘It’s okay to be like that, I guess.’

‘At least we’re safe now.’

And then, as if the promise to not let Yosuke know his true feelings was nothing more than a dream, everything came out at once.

“I’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’mnotgoingtohurtyouIpromiseI’msorryI’m-”

“Oh god.. Partner? What’s going on?” Yosuke was giving him yet another incredibly worried look, but Yu barely processed that.

Had he really just..??

Fuck.

Not only had he broken the rule he’d set for himself to not get Yosuke to notice how upset he was, he’d done that three times now. And if that wasn’t bad enough, he’d just forced out a slew of hardly comprehensible apologies.

And he was also crying again, because of course he was.

He couldn’t look Yosuke in the eyes. It’s not like he was planning to regardless, but now it was completely off the table.

Yu tried to tell himself that it wasn’t his fault. He tried to tell himself that Yosuke being worried was because he cared for him and not because he was a piece of garbage who was only capable of making others feel bad emotions. He tried to tell himself that Yosuke had just made him and Kanji feel a million times worse than he felt right now.

He tried all of that, but none of it worked.

He dug his nails just a bit deeper.

“Partner..? I’m getting really worried…” even without being able to see his face, Yu could tell just how anxious Yosuke was. He felt awful for forcing him through this, but then he remembered Kanji’s nearly crying face as Yosuke insulted him.

He felt less bad.

Only a bit, because his mind still made him feel awful for making Yosuke experience any negative emotions no matter how deserved they were, but he felt less bad regardless and that was progress.

“I- well-“ Yu faltered as he tried to calm himself. There was absolutely no way he could come up with a lie to justify whatever in god’s name had just come out of his mouth. There just simply wasn’t— not with the tiny amount of time he had, anyways. Maybe he should tell the truth? No, absolutely not. But his options were incredibly slim, and Yosuke was growing more and more worried by the second.

Yu crossed his fingers.

“Um.. The things you said about Kanji were- well.. they were pretty mean.” Yu could sense his Partner’s disappointment even with his eyes locked at the ground- Really? You’re crying and mumbling apologies because I was a little mean?- but at least it appeared to get the job done. It wasn’t entirely a lie either, so at least felt a bit better about deceiving Yosuke.

“What..? I mean.. yeah, I guess so. I can apologize in the morning. What’s with the apologies though? You didn’t do anything wrong,” Yosuke’s voice was completely different than it was moments prior, and so was his word choice. He sounded almost annoyed, and that only made him angry. He guesses? He almost drove Kanji to tears and he guesses that he was being rude? He tried to stop himself, he really did, but the urge to get more of an apology out of him drove him to speak up once again.

“You guess?”

“Uh, yeah? I already said I’m going to apologize, what else do you want?” He sounded annoyed again. It took a lot of willpower to not simply punch him.

...

“If he didn’t want me to mean then he shouldn’t have been acting all.. y’know. Also you still haven’t told me why you were apologizing like that. But whatever, sorry for making you panic and stuff.” Of course he’s still blaming Kanji. Of course he was. He decided not to push it though, and simply mumbled a ‘Thanks.’ It was better to have to deal with this alone then have to risk Yosuke continuing to talk about it.

But still, something didn’t sit right with Yu.

Why was he annoyed all of a sudden? He was so kind and worried about why he was upset, only for it to all disappear immediately after finding out why. He, prioritizing curiosity over logic, stared over at Yosuke, and noticed he was seemingly lost in thought and frowning. He didn’t mention it out of fear, but it only raised more questions. Was he really that defensive of his own homophobia? Maybe Yosuke was worse than he thought. He tried not to think about that for long though, because he didn’t want to associate the Yosuke that had brought him so many smiles and fluttery feelings with the Yosuke that had, well, ..done all of that.

‘Maybe he’s right. Well not about Kanji, he obviously didn’t deserve that. But if you were in that same situation then…’ No. Nononononono No, this was not going to happen again.

‘You’re only going to make this worse if you keep lying to him like this. If he distances himself from you then at least you won’t be a liar.’

Stop it.

Imagine how disappointed he’d be if he knew that you like guys? And not only that, but that you like him specifically? He might not want to associate with you anymore.

STOP IT.

This happened more that Yu was willing to admit, and he was absolutely sick of it. Having to listen to Yosuke unintentionally break his heart time and time again with his comments towards Kanji was bad enough, but having to argue with himself about it for what felt like hours was even worse.

“You’re really weird sometimes, you know,” Yosuke piped up after a bit. It was an odd way to resume their conversation, and a bit disappointing seeing as Yu had finally thought he was done talking, but at least he wasn’t talking about everything that had just gone down.

“Wow, thanks.”

“Am I wrong? Do I need to mention the cats? Or the cranes?” Yosuke laughed a bit, then smiled. It was nice, and something that helped him feel just a tiny bit better about everything going on in his mind.

“Says the one with headphones surgically attached to his head.”

“Oh shut up, At least it’s a better hobby than fishing! Who the hell actually fishes?” They were both laughing now, and it was almost enough to make him forget why he was so upset in the first place. Little moments like these- those cute little smiles Yosuke always had when laughing, the feeling that they were the only people in the entire world- reminded him of why he’d fallen for him in the first place. Maybe it was a good thing his brain had chosen Yosuke after all. Even if his feelings would never be reciprocated, at least he could still experience these sweet little moments.

But because nothing perfect could last forever, Yosuke quickly stopped laughing and flashed him a sort of alarmed frown. “But.. are you sure you’re alright? I don’t mean to pry but you still seem pretty shaken up. And if it was what I said that did it I’d feel bad, you know? Plus those things you said after...” Yu knew he meant well, but did he really have to bring that back up? He wasn’t sure he could even make another excuse and have it be believable. He still couldn’t tell the truth, either. He didn’t want to put a burden on Yosuke or scare him away, and doing that would certainly cause one of the two. Yosuke wasn’t the brightest person, but he would easily see through another lie. So what could he possibly do?

“I promise, I’m fine. I was just.. thinking about it all. I’m not even sure why I started panicking like that in the first place to be honest,” Yosuke smiled, and it looked like he’d believe it. Thank god.

“Oh, alright. For a second I got worried that you were like that too.”

Please don’t mean what he thought it meant.

“..What?” He almost immediately regretted asking.

“I was worried that you were some queer too and that’s why you got all sad and stuff. Glad that’s not the case though.”

Fuck.

Everything came crashing back down, all at once. The previously established mentality that Yosuke wouldn’t hate him for being gay because he wasn’t some ultra religious old woman? Gone. The idea that maybe, just maybe, he could unlearn his homophobic tendencies and stop acting as if it was weird? Gone. Yu didn’t even notice when he started crying again, though it must have been quiet with how long it seemed to be before Yosuke said anything.

“Wait shit, why are you crying again?”

…

“Partner?”

……

“Wait a minute, you’re not…”

………

“Oh my god, you are.”

Yosuke immediately scooted to the other end of the tent with what Yu could see through his tears, which only rubbed more salt in the still-growing wound. He could also hear a semi-audible mumble of “God, not this,” which didn’t help with the matter at all.

Everything he’d feared and tried to prevent over the past few months was going to happen and he couldn’t prevent it. Yosuke was going to leave him. He was going to leave him completely alone, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

All he felt was fear. All-encompassing, petrifying fear that was almost as bad as it was the first time he had entered the TV. The only difference was that this time he’d let his poker face slip and Yosuke could tell exactly what he was feeling. He was weak and vulnerable, a feeling that was rare but incredibly sickening. He wasn’t supposed to let this happen, even if Yosuke was the only one near him. He was supposed to appear strong and calm, even if that wasn’t necessarily truthful to his actual feelings. But that wasn’t the case, and now Yosuke was going to leave him. All because he’d let his emotions slip and eat away at his poker face.

It was partially his fault, he thought. If he’d just sucked it up and stayed strong then this never wouldn’t have happened. Yosuke would be right next to him and happily rambling about some girl he met rather than sitting as far away from him as possible and mumbling something to himself and staring at the ground.

Yu had expected a lot of things to be the next to come out of Yosuke’s mouth. Another derogatory term, a disappointed sigh, something about feeling ‘unsafe’ again, the list was infinite and terrifying. But what actually came out of his mouth next was definitely not anywhere on the aforementioned list.

“I’m so sorry.”

“.....What?” Even though his first reaction really should have been something along the lines of ‘Oh my god you don’t hate me thank you so much,’ that was what ended up coming out. He’d basically lost control of his mouth at this point, so it wasn’t too surprising.

“I didn’t know that I was hurting you with everything I said to Kanji. Hell, I made you cry! Twice!” So he was actually sorry. That was.. a lot better than he had been expecting, though something didn’t feel quite right. Why was he apologizing to him only? Why did he only feel bad about saying homophobic things to him but not Kanji?

Maybe he was being selfish for asking instead of just being happy that Yosuke didn’t hate him, the voice in the back of his mind reminded him, but for once he managed to ignore it in favor of curiosity and anger.

“Why are you apologizing to me but not Kanji? Why do you feel bad for me but not him?” Yosuke stared at him blankly for a few seconds, as if he didn’t understand his own reasoning either.

“Well it’s... different..” he spat out finally, still seemingly a bit confused by his own explanation.

“How, exactly?” Yosuke sat up, a small frown stretched across his face.

“Well it’s not like something just magically changed since you told me. If you would’ve.. done something to me or whatever you would have done it by now.” Wow, that was straight to the point. Yu was pretty sure that he was supposed to take that as a positive thing, but he definitely didn’t. His heart sank at the realization that Yosuke genuinely did believe that he might have assaulted him at some point had they not grown as close as they had.

Yu shook his head; he’d already cried enough for the day.

“So you’d think that I would… assault you if we didn’t know each other very well? You think Kanji would do that you too?” He was more mad than scared at this point, and that was definitely apparent in his tone of voice. He was too far gone to care though, and was more focused on getting Yosuke to understand just how hurtful he was being .

“Well no, but…” Yosuke took a long pause, clearly contemplating something, before continuing. “I don’t think that either of you would do that, but it’s still something that could potentially happen, you know?” That was.. better? Slightly? Not by much at all, but at least it was an improvement from what he’d assumed Yosuke was going to say.

“By that logic then literally anything could ‘potentially happen,” he countered. Yosuke didn't respond for a while, seemingly lost in thought. Maybe he was finally getting through to him, or maybe he was just thinking about how to justify his words and actions. Either way it was incredibly nerve wracking, with each second feeling like an hour.

“I guess so, but it’s just.. more likely? Because you’re, uh, yeah..” It took a lot for him to not completely lash out at Yosuke, but he managed to stay calm. He’d let his emotions slip a lot tonight, but letting his anger completely overtake him was something he refused to let happen.

“Do you feel safe alone with girls then?” He spat that out without really thinking, but it was a good point. Maybe if he showed Yosuke that he was around people that were ‘more likely’ to assault him all the time it would get through his thick skull. It had to, otherwise Yu didn’t know what he was going to do.

“What? Of course I do! If anything she should be the one feeling unsafe!” Yu couldn’t have hoped for a better response to that question. He had Yosuke right where he wanted him, and he could only hope that he would finally understand how flawed his logic was.

“Are you saying that you’d assault her, then?” He barely had a chance to finish his question before Yosuke freaked out.

“Wha- No! What kind of person do you take me for?” Did he really not understand the irony of saying that and yet accusing him and Kanji of being potential assailants? This was making him angry, way more angry than he thought it would. He debated for a split second whether to keep his calm exterior, but the fear mixed with the newfound anger made him end up blurting something out anyway without thinking it through.

“What kind of person do you take me for!?” He shouted as Yosuke flinched a bit. In any other circumstance he would have felt awful for making him do that, but with everything Yosuke had done and said tonight he couldn’t be bothered. “Oops, sorry about that. But if you wouldn’t do anything to that girl then what makes you think that me or Kanji would do something to you?”

“Well, uh..” Yosuke paused for an incredibly long time, and it wasn’t even Yu’s anxiety making it feel longer than it was anymore. He seemed lost in thought, which Yu hoped was a good thing. That didn’t stop his fear, though, and he began to run through a mental checklist in his mind of every possible response. Maybe he actually was thinking of a way to apologize, but somehow he doubted that. He couldn’t exactly tell if that was a logical conclusion or his fear of abandonment telling him that he’d lost Yosuke forever, but either way it felt incredibly unlikely. Instead his mind ran through increasingly worse and worse possibilities, ranging from his comments only getting worse to Yosuke calling him some sort of slur and leaving. That wasn’t anything new, though; he’d imagined nearly the same things when Yosuke was still insulting Kanji.

Finally, after what very well may have been the longest five minutes of Yu’s life, Yosuke spoke up again.

“Yeah.. I guess you’re right. I just.. god, I’m sorry. I’ve been such a dick to you and him for no real reason.” Yosuke was looking down at the floor of the tent with a somber sort of smile. He almost looked like he was going to start crying too, which Yu tried to ignore as to let himself soak in the news before feeling obligated to comfort his partner.

Yosuke was genuinely sorry. He wasn’t going to leave. He didn’t hate him.

He was overjoyed, and even that was likely an understatement. The fear that had been manifesting in his chest for a good half hour or so had completely vanished, and been replaced with relief. Relief that all of his fears hadn’t come true, relief that Yosuke didn’t hate him.

Relief that he wasn’t going to be alone again.

He smiled, genuinely and bright, before remembering that Yosuke was still upset and on the verge of tears.

“Hey, please don’t cry.” It wasn’t much, but he was still in too much of a shock from Yosuke actually apologizing to come up with anything better. Yu normally would have (and maybe should have, he thought) accepted the apology rather than diverting the conversation slightly, but he was conflicted on his feelings. On one hand the biased part of his brain wanted to accept it with open arms, tell him that everything was okay, and promise to buy him that one album he’s been talking about for weeks because it was sweet little Yosuke and he could clearly do no wrong, but on the other hand he knew that way of thinking was dangerous. Just because it was someone he trusted and loved dearly didn’t mean he was incapable of making mistakes, and that was something he knew, yet was having a difficult time admitting to himself. But even besides that, was it really his place to accept the apology in the first place? Kanji had been the one most impacted by his words, so would it be fair to him to forgive Yosuke? He didn’t have an answer to that question yet, and he didn’t feel like spacing out in the middle of a conversation to figure one out. “Everything will be okay, I promise,” he added, in hopes that it would make him feel at least a bit better.

“Thanks, Partner. I really don’t deserve you,” Yosuke looked over at him with a sad sort of smile, and began to scoot back over to where he was previously.

“It’s alright.” It wasn’t exactly alright, but he didn’t necessarily feel like describing his conflicted feelings regarding his apology to a crying Yosuke. He really just wanted to go to sleep and forget that this had ever happened, if he was being honest. It still felt surreal that he had even come out to Yosuke in the first place, let alone the argument that ensued afterwards.

“Now I’m going to go to slee,” he started, too emotionally tired to keep talking, before Yosuke cut him off.

“Wait! Can we, uh.. talk about something first?” He still wasn’t done? At this point he was just angry; did he have to keep talking about this? Yu didn’t know what exactly he wanted to talk about, but he assumed it wasn’t going to be good due to the previous conversation. He knew that Yosuke had good intentions, (he hoped so, anyway) but he didn’t want to risk the chance of whatever it was making him feel even worse.

“Yosuke if it’s about what i just told then no. Just forget this ever happened, please.” Somehow, he managed to sustain his poker face despite his anger and exhaustion. At least he hadn’t slipped this time.

“Wait, please? It’s not about that, I promise. Er, well, it kinda is but not really..? I just have a question.”

“Yosuke-“

“Please?” He was practically begging, and the faint droplets in his eyes had become way more apparent. He wanted to say no— it was clearly about the conversation that had just happened and he wasn’t completely sure if he could take anything else. But Yosuke was nearly on the verge of tears and staring at him with the biggest puppy dog eyes he’d ever seen and he just couldn’t force himself to refuse.

“Fine, go ahead.”

“It’s, well, um..” Yosuke finally looked back up at him. He seemed nervous now, fiddling with his headphone cord to seemingly distract himself. “This is kind of weird but.. um..” That couldn’t be good. He wanted to tell him to stop and just ask whatever it was tomorrow, but he only seemed more nervous than before he started talking. Maybe he was just biased due to his feelings towards Yosuke, but Yu still felt bad for him even after the hell he’d put him through tonight.

“Okay, so uh..” Yu braced himself for whatever obscene question was about to come out of the other person’s mouth. He had a sneaking suspicion that it was going to somehow be related to.. things. Things that he really did not want to share with Yosuke at midnight while on a school trip.

“Okay so.. how does it feel?” If his mind weren't in the gutter, Yu would have taken that question at face value and realized that it had innocent intentions. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case, and he ended up hitting poor Yosuke in the face with a pillow before realizing what he actually intended to ask.

“Ow, what was that for?” Yosuke asked, confused, before he apparently realized what had happened and gasped. “That’s not what I meant, asshole! The one time I actually try to be genuine this is what I get.” Despite his words, Yosuke was smiling and laughing. It was comforting, and made him nearly forget about his original fears of whatever Yosuke’s question was.

“Can you blame me? It’s you.” Yosuke groaned at that, and it only made him smile wider.

“Yeah, I guess that’s fair. I could have worded it better,” Yosuke stopped talking for a bit, looked down, and frowned a bit. Yu was a bit concerned, but decided against asking. It was probably just related to what he was about to ask, after all. Soon enough he spoke up again, the frown still on his face and his voice a bit quieter than before. “What I meant to ask was how it feels to, like.. you know..” Yosuke looked like he was going to leave it at that, remembered how he’d gotten hit in the face a few moments prior, and spat out, “-have a crush on a guy..?” That.. definitely hadn’t been what Yu was expecting him to ask. He definitely wasn’t mad or frustrated anymore, just confused. Why did Yosuke want to know something like that? He didn’t mind, though, even if it would be embarrassing to describe what a crush felt like to the very person he’d been crushing on for months.

“Well-” he started, unprepared for how he was actually going to explain this. “Uh.. it’s the same as you feel towards girls..? I don’t really know how to explain it.” Yosuke apparently did not like that answer, and stared at him with some sort of desperation.

“Nononono, there has to be a difference! Right?” If he wasn’t already confused by the odd question, that would have done it. Why did he care so much, yet refuse to accept the answer he was given? At least it wasn’t some sort of violating question like he’d expected, but it was still strange. Yu pondered for a second if maybe there was still some ulterior motive to it, but Yosuke spoke up again before he could come up with an answer.

“It can’t be the same!! It- it has to feel different, right? C’mon, tell me more.” Yosuke’s look of desperation had morphed into complete beginning by this point, and it only made Yu’s confusion worse. Why was he like this? How would it benefit him? Why? He probably should have just asked Yosuke these questions himself, but he couldn’t be bothered. What Yosuke was asking was harmless, even if it was a bit weird.

“Well, my heart starts beating faster when I’m around them and I can’t stop thinking about the person. It’s embarrassing, but it’s what you asked.” Yosuke looked at him, eyes wide, and frowned.

“Oh. That’s-” to his surprise, Yosuke didn’t seem to be making fun of him. He seemed.. genuinely upset for whatever reason. Yu was getting worried at this point, so he decided to finally ask him what was going on.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Again, it wasn’t much, but it was enough to get the job done.

“I have something to tell you. Please don’t tell anyone. Or laugh at me. Please.” That only made him feel more worried. The insecurity he was showing wasn’t atypical of Yosuke, but it definitely wasn’t reassuring. Yu could only hope that whatever he was about to tell him wasn’t derogatory or inappropriate, but he had a good feeling that it wasn’t.

“I won’t, I promise,” he tried to speak as softly and calmly as possible as not to make him panic even more. It didn’t seem like it worked, though, because the begging in his eyes had only been replaced by fear.

“Okay well..” Yosuke took a deep breath in and out as he fiddled with his headphone cord once again. “Imightnotbeasstraightasithoughtiwas.”

“..What?”

“I might not.. be as straight as I thought I was.”

..Wow.

He was completely speechless. That hadn't been anywhere close to what Yu had been expecting, and he was incredibly happy about it. Yosuke Hanamura, possibly the straightest person he’d ever met, was questioning his sexuality. The fact that he might actually have a chance with him (something that he’d basically thought was impossible since the first day they’d met) was buried underneath the relief that it wasn’t something more severe and that Yosuke wasn’t going to insult him any further. But it was still there, and it definitely helped eliminate any lingering feelings of worthlessness from the whole fiasco earlier.

He tried reminding himself that nothing was set in stone, that Yosuke was merely questioning and not sure that he liked guys yet, but it didn’t really work. The only thing his brain was focused on was that he actually had a chance with him.

“I, uh, wow..” And before he had a chance to add anything else so that he could sound happy or sincere rather than simply astonished, Yosuke spoke up yet again.

“I was hoping that if I just pushed everything onto you and Kanji that the feelings would go away, but everything you described is exactly how I’ve been feeling towards a guy recently. I mean I still don’t know if I even am.. that.. or if I’m just thinking too hard.” Yosuke looked at him and then immediately looked down, almost as if he was flustered.

“You don’t have to refer to it like some sort of taboo, you know. And I sort of get that in a way. Do you mind telling me more about it? Maybe I could help you.” This definitely wasn’t a conversation Yu planned on having tonight, but it was certainly better than the conversation they had had a bit ago.

“God, this is embarrassing. You still promise that you won’t tell anyone, right?” He gave a nod in return, and Yosuke continued “Okay, well um.. there’s this one person who’s really nice and funny and.. cute? Oh my god he’s cute. I think another guy is cute. What the hell is wrong with me?”

“There’s nothing wrong with you, it’s completely normal.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s just.. weird to be saying this stuff out loud. An hour ago I was still insulting Kanji over basically the same thing. Anyway, it’s just like you said. He makes me feel all.. nope, I’m not saying that out loud. And I’ve tried really hard to just ignore it or get rid of it but it’s not working at all.” Even though his first priority definitely should have been to actually help him through this, Yu couldn’t help but wonder who Yosuke was referring to. He hoped it was himself, but he didn’t let that wishful thinking cloud his judgement. It very well may have been one of the other part time Junes workers, or someone in his class, or literally anyone else. He had only been in Inaba for a few months, after all; he couldn’t expect Yosuke to develop feelings as quickly as he did.

“Yeah that.. sounds like a crush to me.” There was no need to beat around the bush; what Yosuke was describing was almost certainly some sort of crush.

“Yeah, I figured as much. I can’t believe that I’m actually..” Yosuke paused, sighed, and looked over at Yu. This was the first time he’d seen his face in a while, and he seemed to be a lot less sad than before. His somber smile had been replaced by something much more happy, almost as if it was a massive relief to finally get all of this off of his chest. “..Gay. I’m gay, aren’t I. Huh.”

“No, not necessarily. You might be bisexual, but you don’t have to put a label on it until you’re comfortable with that.” That apparently made him feel relieved, if the relaxed smile he got in response was anything to go by.

“Oh thanks, I guess you’re right. I think I’ll wait a bit to figure it out, it’s too late for this much thinking.” He laughed, which was way cuter than it had any right to be, and finally stopped playing with the cord of his headphones. “Thanks a lot, Partner. This all feels like such a huge relief,” he sounded incredibly, genuinely thankful, and it made Yu’s heart flutter ever so slightly. If only Yosuke knew just how much he was thankful for all of this.

“It’s really no problem.” He said, suddenly getting an idea. He could just.. ask who person Yosuke was referring to was, right? It was just guy banter. Safe, non-suspicious guy banter.

He probably should have kept his mouth shut and simply waited for Yosuke to be ready to tell him himself. He should have done that, anyway, but he’d already made so many impulsive decisions tonight that one more couldn’t possibly hurt.

“Who is it, if you don’t mind me asking?” Yu had never been more thankful for Yosuke perceiving him as weird as he was now. If things went south and he was weirded out, he would most likely just think of it as a ‘weird Yu thing’ and move on. Luckily he didn’t seem to be suspicious anyway, and simply laughed in response. It wasn’t a good laugh, though, it was one of those self-deprecating Yosuke laughs that he hated hearing every single time it happened.

“Oh, I can’t tell you that. You’ll laugh at me.” And there it was, the self-conscious comment that always followed the signature laugh. Yu frowned.

“Why would I laugh at you?”

“Just.. Nevermind.” Yosuke did the same laugh again, and Yu’s heart sank. He hated seeing him like this, but he didn’t want to pry as to who it might be in case of making things worse. His own curiosity wasn’t worth making Yosuke suffer, after all.

“I don’t know who they are, but I’m sure they’ll like you back.” He flashed Yosuke a smile, but he only looked down.

“No he won’t. I mean you’re so popular and could have anyone he wanted, so why would you choose me?” It took Yu a bit to understand why the sentence felt off, but once he did the sinking feeling in his heart from hearing Yosuke talk negatively about himself lifted. It was probably just a slip of the tongue, he knew that, but it didn’t stop him from getting his hopes up.

“Um, ‘you’?” Yosuke cocked his head in confusion and stared at him for a split second until pure panic and fear washed over his face.

“Uh- I- um.. Oops, it’s getting late! I should probably go and find Kanji to make sure he doesn’t get in any trouble. Cya Partner!” Yosuke stumbled out, speaking incredibly quickly, before frantically trying to run out of their tent. Thankfully Yu managed to grab his arm before he could fully leave, but the look of pure fear on his face still remained.

“Yosuke-” was about all he could manage as he stared up into his eyes. God, he was pretty. The small amount of moonlight seeping in from the opening in the tent only illuminated that more, and if it weren’t for Yosuke desperately tugging at his arm he would have stared at him forever.

“Can we just forget about this? Please?” He begged, and the solemn smile from earlier returned.

“Is it me?” He should have comforted Yosuke, he thought a bit too late. He should have told him that everything was going to be alright and that he didn’t have to say anything he wasn’t comfortable revealing. But the way Yosuke reacted to him pointing out his word mix up made his heart flutter with anticipation and his judgement become cloudy. He could comfort Yosuke later; right he needed to know if the very thing he thought was impossible since he’d moved to Inaba was in fact coming true.

“Please just forget about this. I promise I’ll stop making fun of Kanji. Just.. please.” He was still begging, and hadn’t stopped tugging at his arm. It hurt to watch, but he needed to find the answer to his question first.

“Just answer my question, please. I won’t be mad at you.” Yosuke sighed, shakily, and gave him a dejected look.

“I- y-yeah. It is, okay? You don’t have to reject me, I already know the answer. Now please can we forget this whole conversation ever happened?” Oh fuck, he was crying. Yu silently cursed himself for not just telling Yosuke his true feelings straight away, but he wanted to be certain it wasn’t just a slip of the tongue.

Yosuke had romantic feelings for him.

Yosuke Hanamura, possibly the straightest guy to ever exist, had a crush on him. Was he dreaming? He was probably dreaming.

Yu pinched himself just to make sure.

Nope, still awake.

He’d never once even considered this a possibility, at least until tonight. It seemed like only minutes had passed between them meeting and Yosuke starting to rave about Risette and some other ‘hot’ idols that he liked, and that was more than enough evidence to throw the idea of Yosuke not being straight out the window. The thought was always in the back of his mind, but he’d always known it was illogical and not to get too upset when his feelings inevitably weren’t reciprocated. But now, Yosuke, sweet, energetic, basically-a-cute-ball-of-sunshine Yosuke, was standing next to him and nearly sobbing because he didn’t think his feelings would be returned.

He would have spent hours just thinking about just how amazing this all was, if it weren’t for Yosuke silently sobbing right next to him. Right, he still thought he was about to get rejected.

“Hey, please don’t cry. I feel the same.” He probably could have come up with a more romantic way to say that, but yet again it got the job done. There was no way that he was going to let Yosuke cry for even longer just so that he could come up with a cheesy line that would only earn him a punch in the face.

“You.. what? Just leave me alone, it’s not funny.” He looked away, but Yu could still see the tears rolling down his face. It hurt to look at, but he reminded himself that they would be gone soon enough.

“I’m not joking, I promise.” He looked back over, shocked.

“..Really?” Yosuke's tone was doubtful, but the bright smile that took over his face didn’t match that at all.

“Yeah, of course.” Yu must have looked dumb from how widely he was smiling, but he didn’t care in the slightest.

“Oh my god. This is just- wow, okay. Holy shit.” Yosuke stared at him with that same sickeningly sweet smile as his eyes completely lit up with joy. Now that the threat of him running away or crying was gone, he had a chance to fully appreciate his face, and it was beautiful.

“Uh.. Partner? You good?”

“Hm?” He snapped back into reality and realized that he'd probably been staring for a bit too long. “Yeah. Sorry about that.”

“What, you get lost in my eyes or something?” Yosuke was clearly being sarcastic, but Yu decided not to take it that way.

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“WH- You can’t just say stuff like that!” He looked away, (unfortunate, because it was harder to stare at him now) but Yu could see a small amount of red dusting across his face. He wanted to mention how cute that was, but didn’t want to fluster Yosuke even further as not to make him uncomfortable.

“Why not? You’re the one that asked.”

“B-because I was joking! I didn’t expect you to actually-” Yosuke finally sat back down next to him and stared at the ground for a completely different reason this time. Neither of them spoke for a little while, until Yosuke finally mumbled something.

“Why?” It was quiet, so quiet that if he weren’t focused on Yosuke like he was the only thing left on the planet he probably wouldn’t have heard it.

“Why what?”

“Why me of all people? I don’t understand. You could have basically anyone in the entire school so why me? Are you doing this out of pity or something?” Yu sighed. Right when he thought that Yosuke stopped being self conscious over this, it came back. He wanted to slather Yosuke in as much affection as he deserved (which was a lot) but he couldn’t do that. Actions were easier than words, especially after being as emotionally drained as he was earlier, but he didn’t know how comfortable Yosuke was with that. They’d confessed their feelings for each other mere minutes ago, after all; he couldn’t blame him for not being ready. It was hard to come up with only a few sentences to describe just how amazing his partner was, but he managed.

“Do I need an explanation? You’re nice, funny, you’ve helped us so much with the investigation, you’re..” Yu was going to say cute again but didn’t feel like being stabbed by a flustered Yosuke, so he decided to stop there.

“But I’ve been a complete asshole to you and Kanji! Why not like.. Kou or something? He’s nice to you, right?” The look on his face was so genuine and full of questioning that it hurt. It hurt that he even needed an explanation in the first place, and it hurt even more that he refused to accept the one he was given.

“Because Kou isn’t you, Yosuke. I like you.”

“I-” Yosuke took yet another deep breath in and out as he tried to calm down. His face was flushed a deep shade of red, from anxiety or his own comments he wished he knew. “Okay, that makes sense I guess. I just can’t believe that this is all happening right now.”

“Me either, to be honest.” Yosuke scooted even closer to him, seemingly hoping he wouldn’t notice. The closeness was nice, but the overwhelming urge it gave Yu to pull him even closer and just hold him there until the end of time was a bit annoying. Yosuke still seemed to be having trouble processing all of this and accepting himself, so he really didn’t want to rush into things and end up scaring him away.

Neither of them spoke for a bit again, too focused on the adrenaline rush from everything that had just occurred. At least that was what Yu was doing, anyway. Yosuke had romantic feelings for him. Yosuke thought he was cute. Never in his life did Yu think that both of those sentences would be true, but there they were. He was snapped out of his thoughts when Yosuke, who had been entirely still and nervous for the past few minutes, suddenly brought his head up to rest on his shoulder. He was avoiding eye contact as if his life depended on it, and the color coating his face had only gotten darker. Yu made a mental note not to forget the site. He chuckled a bit, raising a hand to ruffle his hair. It was softer than he’d expected.

“You’re so tense.” Yosuke mumbled something sounding suspiciously similar to ‘shut up,’ and leaned into his hand. He was so cute like this that it felt impossible to not just lean down and kiss his forehead. He somehow managed though, and continued playing with his hair. After a while he pulled back and simply smiled at Yosuke, whose face was still completely coated in red. He mumbled something barely audible and broke eye contact as quickly as possible.

“Hm? What did you say?”

“N-Nothing,” he squeaked out.

“Alright then.” He had a sneaking suspicion that it had something to do with him removing his hand from Yosuke’s hair, but decided not to ask any further.

Out of the corner of his eye he managed to see Yosuke slowly moving his hand to his own. He looked like he was trying to be slick, but the nervousness in his eyes really didn’t help with that. It’s not like he was going to stop him, though. He was pleasantly surprised that Yosuke was showing this comfortable with everything in the first place, so stopping him from doing so was one of the last things he wanted to do. After a bit, he felt Yosuke actually grab onto his hand, and-

“Ah!” He pulled it away immediately, as if he’d touched a hot stove. He panicked for a second- his fear being a mix of whether or not Yosuke was somehow hurt and anxiety over whether or not it was his fault that he’d pulled away- until he looked down and noticed what Yosuke had.

“It was.. blood. You’re bleeding.” He stared down, confused. There wasn’t all that much, definitely not something to be worried about, but he was still confused as to how it had gotten there in the first place.

And then he looked a little closer, and realized that the blood was in a familiar crescent shape and-

Oh.

He must not have noticed with how stressed and anxious he was, but apparently he’d dug his nails into the back of his palm so hard that he’d started to bleed. It didn’t hurt anymore, not very much at least, but Yosuke still seemed worried.

“Uh wait, they made us all bring first aid kit things right? There should at least be a few bandages in one of them!” Yosuke’s tone was hurried and full of worry, which only made Yu laugh. How many times had they risked their lives inside of the TV only for Yosuke to get anxious about what was essentially a paper cut? Though some part of him thought that was yet another endearing trait to add to the ever growing list of them. He could get used to Yosuke caring about him like this, even if it was over something as small as a tiny bit of blood on his hand.

“Hey, why are you laughing? You’re hurt!”

“It’s basically a paper cut, Yosuke.”

“No, it’s way worse than that! What did you even do?” He groaned, his anxious tone being replaced by one of mild frustration as he dumped the contents of the first aid kit on the ground. He stayed silent in response to the question, hoping that Yosuke would ignore it. It’s not that he didn’t want to talk about it, he wouldn’t mind doing that in the slightest, but he didn’t want Yosuke to worry about him. He was freaking out over a tiny bit of blood, afterall. There was no telling how he’d react to the revelation that he’d done this to himself out of anxiety and the urge to keep his mouth shut. He’d also likely blame himself, which he definitely didn’t want to see. “Alright, well.. uh…. I think this one is a bandage?”

“That's an alcohol wipe. And I really don’t need a bandage, I’m completely fine.” Yosuke apparently ignored the last part of his sentence, and continued his search regardless.

“Close enough,” he mumbled as he dug back into the pile of scattered medical supplies. In hindsight he probably should have done something to prevent Yosuke from dumping it everywhere, because it was going to be a nightmare to clean up. Oh well, that was a problem they could deal with in the morning. “Okay, I found it! I think..”

“Yosuke that is literally the exact same thing you picked up thirty seconds ago.”

“Ugh! Find your own damn bandage then! I tried!” Yosuke then promptly threw it at his face, which it fell off of with a pathetic crinkle. It shouldn’t have been as funny as it was. “And you never even answered my question, how did that even happen? You got blood on my hands!” There was something extremely amusing about a sarcastically angry Yosuke giving up at finding a bandage that was literally an inch in front of him, but he decided to ignore that in due to him asking the same question again. He didn’t want to lie; he’d lied to Yosuke today enough as-is. But there was an ever present fear in the back of his mind that made him want to tell just one more. The fear that his partner would get annoyed or angry with him for telling the truth that it was technically his fault that this had happened. That didn’t seem like Yosuke at all, especially with how infrequently he talked about himself in the first place. Yu knew that, but he also knew that there was no point in using logic against these fears. They were irrational, but that didn’t mean they didn’t shake him to his core.

He took a deep breath. If he didn’t conquer his fear of talking about himself now, then he never would.

“Oh, sometimes I dig my nails into my hand when I’m anxious. I guess I just went a little overboard this time.” He watched Yosuke’s expression intently, waiting nervously for his response. It wasn’t like he’d just dropped some sort of bombshell. It was a minor bad habit, something that he would probably shrug his shoulders at and forget about within minutes. But it felt so odd to even share that much. He wasn’t supposed to be doing this. He wasn’t supposed to show his vulnerability in any form, even if it likely wouldn’t matter in the grand scheme of things He was supposed to be strong, even if it meant bottling up his own insecurities and feelings in favor of helping everyone else. He didn’t want to be like this, but the voice in the back of his mind that never seemed to leave told him that he had to. That if he shared too much everyone would be weirded out and leave, and he’d be all alone again. That was something he feared greatly, a million times more than the occasional frustration of keeping his emotions on the inside. It already felt unnatural to share as much as he did tonight, so anything more would simply be too much.

“Oh. That’s-” he paused. His voice was full of worry, but it was different than before. It was genuine worry and fear, completely different from the tiny adrenaline rush that the mild panic from the blood had given him. “Not good. You know what that sort of stuff can lead to.” He didn’t understand, opened his mouth to ask, and then it hit him.

He’d just hurt himself to the point of bleeding, of course he would be worried.

Yu should have been a bit anxious, maybe made a promise to stop, and moved on. Yosuke was likely going to forget about it in less than a day, after all.

But as he’d learned previously, logic didn’t help against these sorts of thoughts.

So instead he sat there, a familiar sickly feeling bubbling up in his chest, as his mind flooded with those intrusive thoughts he’d gotten himself used to.

Yosuke is going to leave.

You shared too much.

He won’t think of you as highly.

He won’t like you anymore.

He tried to fight them, he really did, but they were overwhelming to the point where he simply gave up on trying to fight them. He could deal with them later; for now, he had to focus on reassuring Yosuke that he was completely, one hundred percent, fine.

“I, uh, found the bandaid,” Yosuke mumbled quietly and peeled it off of the wrapper. Yu was normally amazing at reading people’s feelings, but even he couldn’t quite tell what was going through Yosuke’s mind at the moment. Maybe it was just because he was still too tired from dealing with his own emotions, but the reasoning didn’t matter much. Not knowing what he was thinking scared him a lot, because without knowing what he was feeling any of those thoughts could have been true.

Yosuke wrapped it around the spots of blood silently, until a small sigh escaped his lips.

“Sorry about that.”

“About what?”

“It was the stuff I said that made you do this, right?” He gestured towards his newly bandaged hand. “You said you do it when you’re anxious, and it looks pretty fresh..”

Now he thinks he’s an awful person, and it’s your fault.

He took a deep breath in and out.

Yosuke was clearly hurt. Even someone without the godlike emotion reading skills that Yu possessed could see that. He had a sad look on his face and was looking away from him. He knew that it wasn’t Yosuke’s intention, but he couldn’t help but feel guilty. He was the one who caused this. If he hadn’t spoken up then Yosuke wouldn’t be in pain right now. This was all his fault.

This is why you shouldn’t talk about yourself. It only causes pain.

He shook his head.

“Hey, it’s alright. It’s really not a big deal.” It definitely was a big deal a few minutes prior and it still sort of was, but he didn’t want to tell Yosuke that.

“How is it not a big deal? I made you… do that! You’re bleeding!” Somehow managing to push aside his own problems, he decided to focus on Yosuke. It was his fault that he was so shaken up in the first place, so it was his responsibility to calm him down.

“Yosuke, it’s completely fine. It’s probably my fault for bringing it up anyways, if I’m being honest.” The words felt so natural that he didn’t even think to consider how the other would feel about them. He looked confused, and for valid reasons. Any normal person would be if someone had just apologized for something like that.

“What? How is it your fault?” Yosuke asked as he attempted to grab onto his hand once again. This time there was no blood for him to freak out about, so he actually managed to grab it this time. Yosuke’s hand was a lot smaller than his own, and it was oddly cute in a way.

“Well, it made you upset. I could have just said that I didn’t know rather than making you feel guilty about it.” Yet again that was something that felt natural for him to say, but clearly Yosuke didn’t follow the same line of thinking.

“But I’m the one who asked? And I’m kinda glad you brought it up anyway, I was starting to think you were, like, invincible or something.” Yosuke stared at him, a bit confused but smiling nonetheless, and gripped onto his hand a bit tighter.

“Um.. what?”

“I mean.. I’ve told you about so much shit and you’ve literally never told me about any of your own problems. I was starting to feel kind of selfish, honestly. At least this makes it so that you’re not completely perfect.”

“You.. thought I was perfect?” That felt so weird to say. Yosuke thought he was perfect. Perfect as in no flaws at all. Perfect as in he hadn’t noticed the tons of things he was incredibly insecure about. It was just as reassuring as it was confusing.

“I mean.. yeah? You’re super popular, strong, attr- you know what nevermind. All of that plus you never really talking about any of your problems or anything kinda makes you come across as perfect.” It made a bit of sense with that explanation, but it still felt.. off. Perfect was a strong word, and certainly one Yu never imagined being used to describe himself. Yosuke thought he was perfect simply for being somewhat popular and strong?

There were a lot of things that Yu wanted to say in response to that. So many, in fact, that he decided to focus on what was definitely the least important of them.

“You don’t think I’m attractive?”

“That’s what you pulled out of that?!” Yosuke said, shocked, and looked away flusteredly. He didn’t say anything for a bit, then mumbled, “No, it’s just.. embarrassing to say out loud.”

“Didn't you call me cute earlier?”

“Oh shut up! You didn’t even know that was about you at the time, it’s completely different! A-Anyways-” he paused, calming down from the whole thing, and continued in a completely different tone of voice, “If you ever need to talk about something just let me know, alright? You’re really weird but literally never talking about yourself or your problems is like.. a different kind of weird.” Ignoring the fact that Yosuke had just called him weird, he really couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Yosuke actually wanted him to talk about his own feelings? The same thing he’d feared for months on end was something Yosuke actually wanted? It was a bit overwhelming, if he was being honest. First it was relief that he wasn’t going to leave, then it was guilt for making him believe he was inferior because he actually spoke up about himself and his problems, and lastly it was just.. stupidity. He felt completely dumb for knowing all of this was irrational, knowing that Yosuke wouldn’t leave him over something as tiny as showing a hint of weakness, and yet giving into the thoughts regardless. That wasn’t the first time something similar to that had happened, he realized, though it had never really been to this extent.

“You.. want to hear me talk about myself? But why?”

“Because you’re my fr- er- Partner..? What kind of, uh..” he paused for a bit, with a quizzical expression on his face, before seemingly giving up and asking directly. “What are we, exactly?” Somehow, that wasn’t even a question he’d asked himself yet. They’d both confessed their feelings to each other, but neither of them had actually asked the other out. Never in his life did he think that something like this would be the last thing on his mind, but then again he never thought this was something he’d have to discuss to begin with.

He wanted to be Yosuke’s boyfriend. He’d wanted to be Yosuke’s boyfriend for over a month now. If Yosuke called him that he might just keel over and die with happiness. But even despite all of that, he valued Yosuke’s comfort more. Barely any time had passed since he’d come to terms with himself, and even then it was still scarily quickly that he managed to do that. He didn’t want to scare him away over something as small as a word, so he decided to leave it up to him to decide.

“We’re whatever you want us to be. Partner’s fine, you know.” Maybe Yu had suggested that exclusively because Yosuke’s nickname for him made his heart burst into a million tiny pieces, maybe he didn’t.

“Yeah, but I’ve always called you that! And now we’re.. uh…. Well something’s clearly different at least!”

“Partners with benefits?” He suggested, earning a groan from said Partner.

“Absolutely not. But, is it okay if I call you.. um.. you know..? I want to but if you’re not cool with it then I won’t.” It was obvious what word he was referring to; at least Yu hoped they were thinking of the same word.

“Yeah, it’s fine.” It was more than fine. It was way, way more than fine. It was intoxicating to even think about, let alone it actually being about to happen. Yosuke’s adorable partner nickname was already starting to wear at his poker face as-is; Yu wasn’t completely sure he’d be able to listen to Yosuke calling him his boyfriend every day without melting into a pile of goo.

“Are you sure? I mean it hasn’t been very long and..”

“Yosuke,” Yu cut him off, “I don’t think you understand just how much I’ve been dreaming about this for the past month. Are you sure? You sound pretty nervous. Please don’t feel forced to use any labels you're not comfortable with.”

“You can’t just say stuff like that out of nowhere!” I- you-” Yu was yet again confused, until he realized yet again that his comment had been perceived in a different way then he’d meant. It was supposed to be just another fact, he had been thinking about this practically nonstop for the past few weeks, but it did sound pretty mushy when he thought about it.

At least he got to see Yosuke all flustered.

“But yeah, I’m fine with it. More than fine, actually. It just feels.. weird, I guess? I never really thought I’d ever call myself a guy’s boyfriend.”

“Don’t worry, I get that. As long as you’re comfortable with it.” He gave him a smile filled with so much joy that Yu questioned why he was even worried in the first place. Somehow, it seemed that Yosuke was enjoying it more than he was.

“Anyways.. What kind of b- b- hold on, I can do it- boyfriend-” Yosuke paused, smiling and blushing like some sort of stereotypical schoolgirl, before resuming what he was saying. Not that Yu could even register what he was saying; his mind had only processed the word boyfriend and how happy he seemed to be while saying it. “Um.. what was I talking about..? Oh right, what kind of b-boyfriend would I be if I was the only one talking about my feelings? I’m not that selfish!”

“You’re not selfish at all,” was the first thing he could think of to say. Even despite the conversation at hand being about the very thing he’d feared for god knows how long, he still prioritized making sure Yosuke didn’t put himself down.

“Debatable.”

“No, not really.” When the only response he got was a quiet sigh of disapproval, he started to think.

Yosuke wanted him to talk about himself. Yosuke wanted to hear about his problems.

Yosuke didn’t want him to appear as perfect.

It was originally a revelation that he’d even appeared that way to Yosuke, but now that he thought about it? It made complete sense. Yosuke had complained to him more times than he could count, (not that that was a bad thing; he actually enjoyed helping Yosuke through his not so great times and even listening to him vent about small things) and yet he’d never once done the same in return. Plus there was his popularity, which he tended to view as a sort of neutral thing but could understand why Yosuke viewed it as good. Unlike him, Yu tended to be more on the introverted side. He didn’t like to talk to people he didn’t know very well or make small talk- he often saw that as a waste of time and energy. But Yosuke, who seemed to never be able to stop hitting on random girls for more than a second, would probably appreciate that way more than he did.

“Thank you,” he finally managed after a while. “That means a lot.”

“It’s no problem. Again, I’d be a pretty shitty boyfriend- oh my god I did it without stuttering that time- if I got mad at you for something like that.”

“Yeah, that makes sense. It’s just been one of my fears for a while, I guess.” He felt worried that maybe that was too much information, until he reminded himself of Yosuke’s words. He wanted to hear about this.

“What has, exactly?”

“That you would just.. leave, I guess? Or get mad at me for saying too much about my own feelings? I got so absorbed in my role as the leader that I guess I...” Yu trailed off and frowned. It sounded really, really dumb to say out loud, and Yu could only hope that it didn’t sound that way to Yosuke.

“Oh..” Yosuke spoke with an apologetic tone of voice, one that he didn’t hear very often. It was unfamiliar and not in a good way. He was the one who made Yosuke have to use that tone, so it was clearly his fault. He went to dig his nails in again, only to manage to stop himself. Yosuke wanted him to talk about himself. He had requested it specifically. It wasn’t his fault. “You don’t have to be strong all the time, you know. You’re our leader but you’re also my Partner, as corny as that sounds. I care about you, you know.” Yosuke looked up and smiled, wide and genuine, before abruptly placing his head upon his shoulder. Yu must have had the same confusion in his mind on his face, because the next thing to come out of Yosuke’s mouth was, “Sorry, you looked.. uh...comfy?” He laughed at that, and Yosuke did too. It wasn’t nervous laughter either, it was real and oddly adorable. “But yeah, if you ever need anything I’m here for you. Promise me you won’t bottle things up anymore, alright?”

“Alright, I promise.” He hadn’t even needed to think about it before responding. The anxiety he’d been suffering through for over a month was completely gone due to Yosuke’s little pep talk, and the idea of talking about his own problems and showing weakness felt strangely normal. Maybe his partner was just magical, or maybe all he needed was a little bit of reassurance after all. Either way, he was thankful.

Yosuke simply nuzzled himself deeper into his shoulder as a response, which he assumed to be a good thing. It was adorable in all honesty, and enough to make him almost completely forget what they were even talking about. As far as his brain was concerned, the only thing in the world right now was the image of Yosuke nuzzled into his shoulder with a slight blush and dorky grin on his face.

And he wouldn’t have it any other way.

“This.. isn’t what I was expecting from this trip,” Yosuke started with a laugh. He looked all the way up at him and made eye contact. He tried to respond with some form of agreement, but completely forgot what he was trying to do as his eyes met Yosuke’s.

Were they always that pretty?

Actually, now that he thought about it, he’d never really thought too much about Yosuke’s eyes before. He’d been sneaking glances at Yosuke for longer than he’d care to admit, but the fear of getting caught was always too great for him to do it in a position to look into his eyes. Yu started to wonder how he’d lived so long without such a breathtaking sight as he stared into them. They sparkled, but in a natural way. It was hard to explain even to himself, but it’s not like he even had the brainpower to do that at the moment in the first place.

“Uh.. Partner? You’re..” he didn’t need Yosuke to finish that sentence to know where it was going. The words made him snap out of his daze, and the first thing he was greeted with was a completely red-faced Yosuke who was, surprisingly enough, still making eye contact with him.

“Yeah, sorry about that, your eyes are really pretty. Do you wear contacts by chance?” He ran a hand through Yosuke’s hair, almost subconsciously. It’s not like he was going to pull it away, though.

“W-What?” He asked, seemingly startled, and continued, “You’re joking, right!?”

“Hm? Why would I be joking?”

“Because you’re you! You make jokes like that all the time and your stupid poker face makes it so that I can’t tell the difference!”

“Oh, yeah. Forgot about that.” Yosuke sighed with what he could only assume was exasperation, until he continued, “Well I’m not, just so you know. They’re very pretty.”

“UGH!” Immediately after hearing that, Yosuke moved his head away from Yu’s shoulder, picked up the small pillow laying on his sleeping bag, and chucked it at him full-force.

“Ow!” He yelled instinctively, despite it not actually hurting. “What did I even do?” Yosuke either hadn’t heard him or didn’t care, because the first thing to come out of his mouth was, “God, why did I have to fall in love with such an idiot!?”

“Oh, I’m the idiot?”

“Yes! You don’t just start dating someone and start talking about how their eyes are pretty! That’s weird!”

“I tried calling you cute but you freaked out at that too. What am I supposed to do?”

“I don’t know! Tell me that I’m like- funny or cool or a good kisser or something? Not that!” He was going to reply with something he liked to refer to as ‘The trash can incident,’ (Seriously, how could he be the idiot when that was their first interaction??) when something else came to mind. Something that would more than likely end with another pillow to the face.

He braced himself for that.

“It’s not fair for you to ask me to compliment you on something you haven’t done, you know.” You could have seen the switch in Yosuke’s expression from a mile away. It went from jokingly annoyed to scarlet and embarrassed incredibly quickly, and Yu took a bit too much pride in that. The only reply he got was a hardly audible, “Uh..,” so he continued. “So would you like to kiss me? Or should I keep talking about your eyes?” The look Yosuke was giving him was a mix of ‘I hate you’ and ‘Oh my god I love you so much,’ and that was definitely a first. It filled him with pride, pride that he definitely should not have had over a single cheesy line.

“I- Well.. uh…” it wasn’t exactly a yes, but it wasn’t a no either. There was still a chance. Even despite that, he couldn’t stop the sinking feeling that Yosuke was uncomfortable with the situation. He’d hate to do that to him, especially so soon after helping him accept his true self. So, dropping the act, he added, “Hey, please don’t force yourself to do anything you're not ready for. I shouldn't ha-”

“Shut up and kiss me.”

“What?”

“Don’t ‘what’ me, you heard me! I’m probably going to regret all of this by the morning anyway so I might as well go all out with it, right? Heh..” he looked nervously to the ground for a second before making direct eye contact yet again. He was clearly nervous and anxious, but determined to not look away. Yu admired that in a way, but he was still shocked at just how willing he was to do this. He didn’t want to wait too long and accidentally scare him away, so he was quick to suspend his disbelief and answer back.

“..Alright. Are you sure though? If this is too fast then please just tell me.”

“Dude I’m like.. 75% sure this is all a dream anyways. Because there’s no way in hell that Yu Narukami just asked to kiss me.” That was.. cute. That was really cute. The idea that Yosuke thought this was all a really good dream- The idea that Yosuke thought about him in his dreams, was so, so adorable.

But he still wasn’t quite done messing with him.

“I don’t know, you might wake up if I kiss you. We have school tomorrow too, so waking up in the middle of the night won’t be good for your sleeping schedule. Are you sure about this, Yosuke?” He looked at Yu in what could only be described as pure fear for a split second before presumably realizing the absurdity of his statement and promptly punching him in the arm.

“Ow!”

“Stop being so deadpan, asshole! Now are you going to kiss me or not?!” There was something so immensely satisfying about Yosuke angrily demanding a kiss that Yu almost refused just to see him get more desperate. He didn’t want his partner to feel any more anxious than he already was, however, so he decided against that.

“Yeah, come here.” And Yosuke did just that, scooting over to break the small amount of distance between them. They were now right next to each other again, so close Yu could hear Yosuke’s somewhat frenzied breathing.

“Hey, are you alright? It’s not too late to back out if you’re not ready.”

“No I am, it’s just.. I can’t believe I’m having my first kiss with a guy in a cramped tent at like 2 in the morning.” He laughed, genuine and adorable, and it made Yu feel a lot more comfortable with the whole situation.

“Wait, you’ve never kissed anyone before?” That was a surprise. He never seemed to be able to shut up about girls, so him never having even kissed one was a shock. Not as much of a shock as it would have been a few hours ago, though; there was only so many times he could be surprised in one day.

“N-No… don’t tell the others, please,” Yosuke sounded genuinely worried and upset, and Yu felt a bit guilty for asking in the first place.

“Don’t worry, I wasn’t planning on it. Just surprised is all.” He moved a piece Yosuke’s hair out of his face, and smiled.

“I swear to god if you start talking about my eyes again I’m going to kill you.”

“Aw.” Yosuke sighed again. He continued. “But you never answered my question, do you wear contac-”

“NO I DON’T WEAR CONTACTS! Now stop talking about my eyes! Is that like your fetish for that or something?”

“An.. eye fetish? I’m weird but I’m not insane, Yosuke. I just think yours are pretty.”

“Yeah, sure you do. I bet you’re into like.. feet or something too.”

“You can’t talk, you’re into nurses.”

“I’M NOT INTO NURSES!”

“Then what about the magazin-”

“SHUT UP! Now are you going to kiss me or not?”

“Not until you admit that you have a thing for nurses.”

“I DO NOT HAVE A THING FOR NURSES!” He practically yelled, which he couldn’t stop himself from laughing at.

“Mhm, yeah, sure.”

“And I know that you’re going to do it anyway, you’re the one who brought it up.”

“You know me so well.”

“It doesn’t take a genius to figure that much out, you know.” Yosuke looked up, looked him in the eyes, and immediately looked back down. His face was completely red; from the nurse discussion or what was about to happen he was unsure.

“Are you ready?”

“..Yeah,” he looked up again, grinned at him widely, and continued. “I am.”

He still looked nervous, but it seemed to have eased up a bit. Despite that, it seemed clear that he wasn’t going to be the one to make any sort of first move. The look in his eyes rivaled that of a deer in headlights, and that definitely not the look of someone about to lean in for a kiss. So, with a small amount of fear himself, Yu closed his eyes and leaned in ever so slightly to close the remaining amount of distance between them.

The first coherent thought that ran through his mind after a hardly comprehensible slew of ‘holy shit I’m kissing Yosuke’ was how sweet his lips tasted. That definitely wasn’t what he was expecting, but the overwhelming feeling of some sweet flavor of chapstick flooded his senses regardless. Normally he would have been incredibly surprised to learn that Yosuke wore chapstick, but with everything that he’d already learned about him tonight it wasn’t even a shock. Just something nice that somehow made him even more adorable.

Once he regained control of his limbs after the initial shock of oh my god this is actually happening, he raised a hand up to Yosuke’s hair and ruffled through it. It was just as soft as ever, and the feeling was only multiplied by the sweet feelings already overwhelming his lips. This was somehow better than every time he’d daydreamed about this in class. (which was, admittedly, a lot) He never wanted it to end; he was willing to die right here and now as long as long as this was waiting for him in the afterlife.

But unfortunately, Yosuke didn’t share the sentiment.

Because as quickly as it started it was gone, and Yosuke had pulled away.

Yu couldn’t help but feel disappointed, but he reminded himself that this wasn’t a one-time thing, at least he hoped. He could kiss Yosuke whenever he wanted, as long as he was fine with getting a few more punches in the shoulder.

When he opened his eyes, he was met with an unforgettable site. His face was completely red, so much so that it could have been seen from miles away, yet he was smiling. He was smiling so brightly and vibrantly that it felt like he was staring directly into the sun, which wasn’t what he’d expected at all. Based on how nervous he had been coupled with the fact that he was still sort of in denial about everything, him smiling like this seemed incredibly unlikely. But here he was, grinning like the absolute idiot he was.

At least he was his absolute idiot.

“Someone’s happy.” He expected some sort of groan or argument in response, but with everything that had happened tonight he really should have learned not to expect anything.

“Why would I not be? You just- Oh my god, you just kissed me. You just kissed me.” With the absolute rush of adrenaline that the kiss had brought him he hadn’t noticed it beforehand, but Yosuke was panting slightly. It was a small detail, but the fact that something as seemingly small as that could get him worked up that much was strangely satisfying. “And you can’t make fun of me for being happy! At least I’m capable of showing more than one emotion!” That made him laugh, loudly, which didn’t happen very often.

“At least I wasn’t in denial about my sexuality for months.” He panicked for for a split second as he feared that he’d gone too far, only to be hit with relief as he felt another light punch in the shoulder.

“Oh shut up! And it wasn’t months, I’m not that stupid!” Yosuke pouted. It was cuter than it should have been.

“Yeah, sure it wasn’t.” This time he didn’t get a punch and instead got a simple groan of what was presumably defeat. He smiled, though it was mostly due to self consciousness about his poker face that he had just brought up. After a few seconds of silence, Yosuke began to move around a bit until he was in the position to rest his head on Yu’s shoulder once again. He then did just that, giving a quick nervous glance to ask if this was okay. It obviously was, so he gave a nod in response.

Neither of them spoke for a while after that, but it felt surprisingly natural. It gave them both time to mentally catch up to everything that had just happened, and that was something Yu desperately needed. Even with the incredible amounts of joy flowing through him, there was something still bothering him about this entire thing. Yosuke’s attitude towards Kanji was fueled by his own denial, so did that mean everything he said about him was how he truly felt about himself? That wouldn’t be very surprising, given how often he made self deprecating jokes about himself. That hurt, knowing that Yosuke- sweet, kind, amazing Yosuke- felt so awful about himself that it led to him taking it out on others.

Almost as if he was reading his mind, Yosuke soon spoke up in a voice barely higher than a whisper, “I’m so sorry.. For just.. everything. I shouldn’t have taken out my insecurities on you and Kanji, that was a shitty thing to do.” Yosuke sounded guilty yet again, but it didn’t hurt to listen to as much this time. He sounded guilty, but not in a self-loathing kind of way. Even despite that, though, that didn’t mean he was free from negative emotions.

He was.. conflicted.

Because one one hand this was Yosuke, his amazing best friend whom he didn’t want to hurt in any way shape or form.

But on the other hand, this was the same person who drove Kanji to what very well may have been a panic attack.

The things he said were flat out inexcusable, even with the excuse of his own denial. He may have forgiven him for some of the emotional damage caused to him, (It had led to them dating, afterall) but Kanji was a completely different story. He couldn’t even imagine the amount of pain he was going through, which would only be increased by him not knowing Yosuke’s true reasonings. Even besides that, he didn’t entirely forgive him for the comments towards him, either. Yu knew his reasons and that those weren’t his true thoughts, but it still hurt. He was fairly sure that this was going to cause some self-consciousness in the future, and that wasn’t something he was looking forward to.

He didn’t want to lie to Yosuke and say that he was completely forgiven, but he also didn’t want to completely tell him the truth. Normally he wasn’t the type of person to lie to someone for comfort, (he actually tended to come off way more brutally honest than he had meant to a majority of the time) but this was a special case. He was clearly hurt, if the way he was now staring intently at the ground was anything to go by, and being completely honest would only make that worse. And seeing as how a sad Yosuke was the furthest thing from what Yu wanted to see at the moment, he decided to tell what was mostly the truth.

“Hey, it’s alright. I forgive you, but I can’t speak for Kanji. You’re going to have to apologize to him separately.” He felt bad for lying, but he would have felt worse making Yosuke feel awful about himself. It was a lose-lose situation.

“Thanks,” Yosuke paused, raised his eyes up from the ground, and seemed to smile a bit. It looked forced, but it was better than watching him frown. “And I know, but..”

“But?”

“I don’t want him to find out about all of this,” he gestured vaguely to the both of them. “I’m still processing all of it myself and I’m just not ready for that yet.” That.. wasn’t something he had considered. It was unlikely that Kanji would jump to that conclusion, especially given his ..intelligence.., but it was still something that could happen. He could easily picture himself in Yosuke’s shoes and being terrified of coming out to anyone because, well, that had happened to him mere hours ago. It was a scary situation to imagine for himself, let alone Yosuke who was still struggling with accepting himself.

“He won’t. If he asks I’ll just tell him that I just talked some sense into you, okay?” He leaned down and gave Yosuke a slight peck on the cheek in the hopes to make him feel better about everything. To Yu’s surprise he didn't freak out, and simply giggled with happiness.

“Thanks Partner, you’re the best.” He hoped that was going to be the end of it, but that hope dissolved quickly after hearing Yosuke sigh. “But are you sure you forgive me? Completely?”

“Why would I not?” Had he said something wrong? Yu was confused, but more so worried that he had somehow messed up.

“You don’t have to always be strong. If I hurt you then please tell me. You aren’t obligated to forgive me” Right, Yosuke wanted him to be honest. He didn’t want him to hide his emotions anymore, and Yu didn’t either. He took a deep breath in and out to calm his nerves. Yosuke wanted to hear about this. He wanted to talk about it.

He could do this. He didn’t have to lie anymore.

“You’re right. I don’t think I can completely forgive you. What you said hurt.. a lot.” His heart stopped as he scrambled to read Yosuke’s expression. Was he mad? Upset? Disappointed? He was none of those things, apparently, because all he got was a slight smile in return.

“Thanks for saying that, I’m happy.” What?

“You’re not mad?”

“No? I asked you specifically to tell me if you actually forgave me or not. I’m just glad you were honest and didn’t try to pretend nothing was wrong like you usually do.” That.. actually made sense now that he thought about it. Yosuke wanted him to be honest, he reminded himself yet again. Yosuke didn’t want him to bottle things up anymore.

Yosuke cared about him as a person.

“Oh. That makes sense, actually. I’m sorry for-”

“Don’t apologize, it’s my fault for taking everything out on you two. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“But I-”

“Shh,” Yosuke leaned a bit closer to him. “Trust me, you didn’t- Wait, you have freckles??”

“You never noticed?” He chuckled as Yosuke stared at the faint freckles on his face as if they were some amazing work of art.

“No?? They're tiny!! I don’t have superhuman senses like you do.”

“You spent like 5 minutes just staring at me earlier, how did you not notice?”

“Shut up,” he mumbled underneath his breath and looked away. Yu assumed that was the end of it, so he smiled to himself a bit in victory. He was glad that Yosuke was as.. Yosuke-like as he was. He was definitely capable of having serious conversations, sure, but they more often than not tended to turn into joking around with each other. He himself didn’t particularly enjoy talking about upsetting topics for too long, so Yosuke being himself was definitely a nice change of pace.

“They’re pretty cute, you know.”

“Huh?” He’d been so lost in thought that he’d barely registered what Yosuke had said.

“Your freckles. They’re adorable. I can’t believe I never noticed them before.” He tried making some sort of reply to mask how flustered that comment made him, but before he had the chance Yosuke moved his hands up to his cheeks and cupped them

Yu was pretty sure that the next tent over could hear his heartbeat with how much it sped up from that alone.

Before this he felt as though he was easing Yosuke along like some sort of lost puppy as to make sure he wouldn’t panic and take everything back, but now? It felt impossible to believe that he’d even done that, with how he could barely process what was going on in front of him and the way Yosuke was smirking at him. The look he was giving was so smug, so full of pride that it was hard to believe he was still looking at the same person he was a few minutes ago, but he couldn’t even retaliate with anything because he was still too focused on his stupid eyes.

“What’s wrong, Partner? Cat got your tongue?” Where the hell did he get this sudden burst of confidence from? Was this even the same person who freaked out about having his eyes called pretty not that long ago? He wasn’t complaining though; there was something strangely exhilarating about Yosuke actually taking the initiative.

“Oh wow, this is fun. I see why you like messing with me now.” Finally, finally, he found himself able to speak, and asked the one question on his mind, “Why are you so confident all of a sudden?”

“Oh I have no clue,” Yosuke replied as he moved his hands away from his cheeks. Yu really should not have been as upset about that as he was. “But it was way easier than I thought. You’re like bright red, it’s really cute.” Yosuke yet again calling him cute of all words made his heart nearly explode within his chest. He hadn’t expected himself to be so easily flustered, but then again it was Yosuke he was talking about.

“Is this payback for earlier?”

“Yeah, I guess so,” he smirked for a split second until it merged into a bright smile. “I can’t believe this is all happening.. I’m still pretty sure it’s all a dream to be honest..”

“Yeah, me too,” he ran a hand through Yosuke’s hair once and smiled back. It was absolutely adorable how quickly he leaned into the touch, and Yu treasured the feeling. “But it’s real, I promise.”

“That’s something someone in a dream would say,” Yosuke chuckled a bit, and glanced down at his phone screen with a curious look on his face that quickly morphed into one of dismay.

“It’s 3am? We have to be awake in three hours! Oh god-” It wasn’t really a shock to Yu, who’d actually thought it was later than that, but he did feel bad for Yosuke. He himself was used to getting so few hours of sleep that he wasn’t really phased anymore, but he assumed that Yosuke’s sleeping schedule wasn’t as bad as his own.

“You’re surprised by that? We’ve been talking for a while.”

“Shut up! If you wouldn’t have tried using all your cheesy lines on me then we would have been asleep by now!” Yosuke then looked at him with nervousness, clearly about to say something, and then looked away again. “Well, uh, goodnight then..” Yosuke scooted away from him to the other side of the tent and buried himself in his sleeping bag. Yu really shouldn’t have been as disappointed as he was that Yosuke had decided to do that instead of sleeping next to him. He knew that neither of them would end up sleeping if they did that, and he didn’t want to be even more exhausted then he already would be. But the thought of Yosuke falling asleep right next to him or even closer than that was so exciting that he didn’t really take logic into account.

“Can you hand me my pillow? I never put it back after I threw it at you,” Yosuke asked after a bit.

“Are you going to throw it at me again?”

“Only if you don’t grab it for me.” Not wanting for that to happen again, he grabbed it and handed it over to Yosuke, who mumbled a nervous thank you. He still looked like he wanted to say something, and Yu almost asked what it was, but by the time he had decided on what exactly to say Yosuke had already spoken up

“Can I.. Ugh, nevermind,” Yosuke started quietly, almost afraid, before burying himself into his newly obtained pillow.

“Can you what?” Yu really hoped it was something relating to their sleeping positions, but he couldn’t have cared less if it wasn’t. Hell, at this point Yosuke could have asked to stab him and he would have said yes.

“It’s embarrassing..”

“Yosuke, the first time I met you was pulling you out of a trash can. Whatever it is, I don’t think it can get more embarrassing than that.”

“Did you have to bring that up?” Yosuke shot him a joking glare, then continued, “But I guess you’re right. Can I, um.. sleep next to you? It’sprobablydumbI’msorryyou’rejustcomfortingand-” Oh my god, god was real and his name was Yosuke Hanamura. It was hard to put into words just how happy he was that Yosuke had asked him for that. Yu wasn’t sure what he’d done to deserve this much luck, but he silently thanked whatever god was looking down on him today for it.

“Yeah, sure. I’m glad you asked.” ‘Glad’ definitely was not appreciative enough, but he didn’t pay much mind to it. It had been a long day, and he was too tired to spend ten minutes explaining to Yosuke how happy he was that he wanted them to sleep next to each other.

“What? You’re okay with it?”

“I’m more than okay with it, trust me. I was thinking about asking you the same thing, to be honest.” Yu could clearly see Yosuke’s eyes light up at those words, and it made his heart dance around in his chest.

“Oh. That’s-” Yu could have sworn that he heard him mumble cute after that, but his voice was too muffled by the sound of his sleeping bag moving to tell for sure. Yosuke was grinning so brightly that it was almost as if the sun was shining down upon him. There wasn’t a single thought running through Yu’s mind that wasn’t tied to Yosuke in some way, and he silently accepted that there was no way he was going to be able to sleep tonight. That thought was only further cemented as Yosuke moved a bit and laid down on his shoulder.

“Is this okay?” He asked, nervous yet again.

“Yeah, of course. You don’t have to keep asking, by the way.”

“I’m just making sure that you haven’t realized how horrible of an idea this is and changed your mind yet.” Thankfully, Yosuke didn’t seem insecure this time and was actually just making a joke. He wasn’t only relieved that Yosuke wasn’t hurt, though; Yu wasn’t completely sure he had the ability to comfort him right now. Not with everything that had already happened tonight coupled with his heart pounding in his chest.

“..Uh, are you just gonna keep staring at me? Whatever, goodnight weirdo.” Oops, he hadn’t even realized that he’d been doing that. It wasn’t even just his eyes this time— Yosuke just looked so pretty, even with the poor lighting coming from the lamp laying next to him.

Yu was going to just mumble a goodnight and lay down. He was going to do that, but he couldn’t just let Yosuke call him a weirdo and get away with it. It didn’t take him long at all to figure out what to do. And he couldn’t help but smile to himself.

“Goodnight, partner.” The word partner rolled off his tongue way easier than he’d expected it to, and the Yosuke’s entire face turned a bright shade of pink immediately after he said it made it so, so worth it. He’d been wanting to use Yosuke’s own nickname back at him for some time now, but had no idea how to approach it. Seeing as Yosuke’s face was about as bright as his smile from a little bit prior, Yu figured he’d done a pretty good job at choosing a moment.

“I- you-” he paused, then continued in a completely different tone, “Can you.. um... call me that more often? It- god, this is so embarrassing- makes me.. um.. happy?” Yosuke was being so much more forward with his feelings than Yu anticipated, and it definitely wasn’t a bad thing. He’d anticipated him to be skittish and nervous when talking about anything remotely related to their relationship, but he seemed to be the opposite.

“Of course.”

“Wait, really? Thank you.” He gave him that same bright-as-sunshine smile as before, and Yu’s heart once again melted into an indescribable goo.

“No problem, partner.” He emphasized that word more than he probably should have. “Now you should probably go to sleep, I don’t want you being too exhausted in the morning.” Yosuke smiled, bright and full of energy much like Yosuke himself, and mumbled some form of agreement. He already seemed half asleep, which Yu envied a bit.

It didn’t take long at all for Yosuke to be completely asleep, snuggling into his shoulder occasionally and snoring ever so slightly. He’d seen Yosuke sleep before, albeit mostly while they were in class, but he’d never imagined him looking so cute while doing it. Every once in a while he nuzzled himself further into his neck as well, and that very well may have been the cutest thing on the entire planet.

Yu closed his eyes as well, and, focused on Yosuke’s soft breaths, tried to do the same. He didn’t expect much at all, but Yosuke’s quiet snores and the warmth of his head on his shoulder made it a lot easier than he had anticipated. It took a while, but eventually he managed to drift off as well, with nothing on his mind except the Junes Prince nuzzled into his shoulder.

And he wouldn’t have had it any other way.