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It's rather stupid, Matty thinks, the Disney song George sings to him every time after a rough day when he thinks his best friend is already asleep.
It's cute, but he doesn't quite understand how George connects the song to him.
"I have crossed the horizon to find you
I know your name
They have stolen the heart from inside you
But this does not define you
This is not who you are
You know who you are."
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Moana tells the water to move, when Matty cuddles further into George's side. They've watched the movie around ten times already this week, but George doesn't seem to get bored of it in the slightest, so Matty lets it slide.
It's a nice movie, really, the story is really well done, so is the music. When Moana starts to sing, Matty hears another voice right next to his ear.
"I have crossed the horizon to find you… "
It sends shivers down Matty's spine.
"I know your name… "
He loves hearing George sing, his low, warm voice only for him to listen to.
" They have stolen the heart from inside you… "
Matty looks up at George and realizes with a drop of his heart that George isn't just mindlessly singing along. He's looking right at him with so much adoration in his eyes Matty wants to cry.
" But this does not define you… "
He sings it for him, to him, about him.
" This is not who you are… "
Matty smiles and closes his eyes, before he carefully pushes George away a little. Then, he falls right back into him, letting his hand rest on George's chest.
" You know who you are ."
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Matty has gotten shit from some angry fans on twitter about some stupid thing George can't wrap his head around and in all honesty doesn't even want to try to, because he knows it's bullshit.
Nobody understands Matty quite like he does. It's not like he expects people to, they're just a tad bit too harsh.
Matty went to bed early, his eyes red and puffy from crying and George feels utterly off. Matty has left it up to him whether he heads home or stays, but the answer has been clear from the start.
George slips out of his jeans and leaves his shirt on the sofa, before he softly sneaks his way into Matty's bedroom. He doesn't want to sleep in the cold guest bedroom anyway, but above all, he doesn't want to leave Matty alone tonight.
He slips into bed next to his friend and presses himself up against his back.
They fit perfectly.
He wraps his arms around Matty's skinny waist and sighs. Then, he starts to sing.
" I have crossed the horizon to find you
I know your name
They have stolen the heart from inside you
But this does not define you
This is not who you are
You know who you are ."
He doesn't know Matty's still awake next to him.
He doesn't notice the tears spilling out of Matty's closed eyes, running over his cheeks.
He just sings to his best friend in hopes of somehow embedding the thought of being enough in his head.
He doesn't know he just can't, no matter how hard he tries.
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He sings it to him so softly when Matty's back on heroin. He's in bed, he's in pain, but George is there.
George has a bowl with water on the nightstand, where he dips a flannel into and lightly dabs Matty's skin with. Matty has a fever, he's shaking with it, but George is no stranger to this.
" I have crossed the horizon to find you .." he sings quietly and pushes a few stray curls out of Matty's sweaty face.
" I know your name… "
Matty suppresses a groan of pain and searches for George's hand instead.
" They have stolen the heart from inside you… " George understands and grabs his hand, covers it fully with his larger one. Matty sighs in response.
" But this does not define you… "
George knows it doesn't. Matty's more than his addiction.
" This is not who you are… "
He sobs into Matty's chest then and there, because it's overwhelming, because he hates that they're here again. Matty opens his eyes. They sting.
" You know who you are ."
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"It doesn't even make sense, George," Matty says after one particular evening after George has sung along to the scene in the movie again.
"Yeah it does, perfectly so," his friend just protests with a pout on his face. Matty snorts. "What horizon have you crossed for me, huh?" George just smiles at him fondly.
I have crossed the horizon to find you
{George has been pretty much alone all his life. First Brussels, then America, he's pretty sure the UK is just going to be another stop on his lonely journey. What he doesn't expect is to find the person that means the most to him there. He understands much later that that has been the reason he's ended up in Manchester.}
I know your name
{"Matty Healy, you mean?" the boy says and nods, looking at George. "You know who Matty Healy is?" George is quick to nod. He's seen Matty in the hallways a few times before and is mesmerized by the boy. Everyone knows who Matty Healy is. "Isn't his mum famous or something?"}
They have stolen the heart from inside you
{Matty goes colder and colder with every time people attack him for the smallest things. He gets more closed off and George hates it. They've stolen his heart, ripped it right out of his chest. He tells Matty one night, and his friend just stares right into his soul. "I know you're keeping it safe, though. I'm not worried about it." Then, he places a too soft, too shy, too short kiss on George's lips.}
But this does not define you
{He knows, deep down, that this cold shell isn't Matty. When they're alone, Matty is just Matty. He's the man George has fallen so madly in love with the moment he's seen him in the hallway at school. He's so much more than people make him out to be. George is bitter about the fact that others can't see the beauty Matty's soul holds within, locked away from the rest of the world now.}
This is not who you are
{Matty throws a fit when he realizes George has flushed his heroin supply down the toilet. It's not a little fit, it's a proper one. He throws porcelain at George and screams the whole building to hell. George is scared, but he's so much more hurt. He surges forward and grabs Matty's wrist hard enough to leave bruises. Then, he shakes him. "This isn't you!" he yells at him, bursting into tears. "Don't you see what this drug makes out of you?"}
You know who you are
{Matty's himself when he's on stage. He's open, he seems happy. He grins into the crowd. "I'm Matty Healy," he says into the microphone. People start to scream. "And we're The 1975."}
Matty laughs softly when George's done with his explanation. "I love you, George," he chuckles, and George wishes he meant it.
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It's too much eventually. Matty has known all along.
He sits on the edge of his bed, the blister packs in his shaking hand. He doesn't realize he's crying, he's just numb. He knows the consequence of an overdose is multiple organ failure, so he makes sure to swallow all of them.
After he's swallowed all three packs, he slips under the covers. He feels bad for leaving George this way, but he wants everything to end.
He hopes to see George again someday, sometime, somehow.
He lets the effects of the pills pull him under.
The last thing Matty feels is the way the mattress gives way underneath George's weight and how he pulls Matty close.
The last thing he hears is George's voice singing the same old song:
"I have crossed the horizon to find you
I know your name
They have stolen the heart from inside you
But this does not define you
This is not who you are
You know who you are."
The last thing Matty feels is relief.