Chapter Text
Unwanted
Edward
I was losing her. Every day she died a little more, and I was the cause. I had put this monster inside her, and her love for me made her hold on to it, despite the knowledge that it was killing her.
Carlisle and I had discussed every way possible of ridding my beloved bride of this unwanted creature growing inside her, but regardless of what was possible and what was not, given the supernatural elements protecting the fetus, we couldn't get near enough to her thanks to her vicious bodyguard.
Jacob had been right. We could have torn Rosalie apart. Personally, I would have taken a little pleasure in it actually... but Emmett would never allow it. Neither would Esme, or for that matter, would Carlisle or Alice or Jasper. For all Rosalie's venom, she was still a beloved member of this family, and none of us wanted this to divide us.
I knew that I couldn't make a firm plan of action, or really, even a tentative decision, without tipping Alice off to my intentions. I needed her to go hunting with the rest of my family. It wasn't that I was worried my elfin sister would try to stop me; watching this thing kill Bella was almost as hard on her as it was on me... but if Bella survived, she would need Alice's help to get through this, and I didn't want to taint their relationship by giving Alice any prior knowledge of what I was about to do.
Still, as my family quickly and quietly exited the house, Alice turned her golden gaze on me, catching my eyes for a moment.
I can't see anything definite, but I know you're planning something. Do what you must Edward... but know that she won't ever get over this.
I nodded gently, thanking her. I knew that. But I would rather have Bella alive and hating me, than dead because of me.
They'd been gone about a half hour; Bella's breathing was labored and painful as she sat on the sofa with the drip in her arm. Rosalie had refused to go hunting with the family, stating that she would hunt when I did... but it didn't matter at this point. Jacob was more than willing to take on Rosalie. Hell, he would do it for the fun of it; it was just an added bonus that I would be using the time he was fighting her to help Bella. He'd promised me he wouldn't kill her... but I reassured him that he would need to use all his smarts to fight her, to keep her busy. She was a strong fighter, and I would need at least 5 minutes.
"Rosalie?" I deliberately kept my voice casual and light. "Would you mind getting Bella some more water?"
Rosalie glared at me, and shot a quick, suspicious glance at me, then Jake... then rose gracefully and walked into the kitchen. The moment her back disappeared behind the wall I mouthed to Jacob.
"NOW"
Jacob sprung to his feet to follow Rosalie, and in less than a second I had Bella in my arms and up the staircase. Carlisle's study had been set up with a hospital bed for her, and I quickly raced her into the room, laying her gently on the bed.
Shocked understanding filled her beautiful face. Tears poured from her eyes, she clung to me, sobbing, screaming. I steeled myself, knowing that I was doing what was best for her. I wouldn't let her sacrifice herself for my child. I would find another way to make her a mother if she wanted it this badly, but I wouldn't let her die.
"Please Edward. Please. Don't do this. Our baby..."
Her pleading nearly tore me apart. I couldn't look her in the eye. The pain in her voice was almost too much... I nearly stopped. Then I caught sight of her swollen, distended, grossly disproportionate belly, bruised and battered, and I shut her pleading out of my mind. I had to do this to save her. There was no other way.
"It's not a baby Bella... It's a monster, and I won't let it kill you." Deftly, I soaked a cloth with Ether and held it over her nose. She stilled almost instantly. I carefully lay Bella back on the hospital bed and pulled Emmett's massive sweatshirt up to expose the lair of the creature that was killing my mate. My fingers worked automatically, stripping her panties and sweats and swabbing her belly with antiseptic, preparing her for a C-section.
I could hear the fight raging downstairs between Jacob and Rosalie... and I knew that I had to work quickly. Jacob wouldn't tear her apart unless he had to, but I knew Rosalie wouldn't be so restrained. She would think nothing of ending the dogs' life to save the baby's.
If I could have cried I would have been blinded by my own tears, but I tried to control my heavy sobbing as I brought the sharp blade down, cutting just above the pubic bone. Bella's sweetly fragrant blood spilled down from the ugly surgical wound, but I was beyond being attracted by it. The idea of hurting her was killing me... what I was doing to her now was killing me. I took a deep breath, feeling the burning thirst tear through me like wildfire as I lowered my mouth to the bleeding gash and took the placenta between my teeth.
Bella
I felt dizzy. Unbalanced, like I was floating... but my limbs were heavy... immovable. White haze surrounded me, pushing at the edges of my conscious mind. I knew something was wrong.
I pushed through the fog, slowly becoming aware of more, little by little. I felt cold... numb. I was wrapped in a warm blanket, lying in a dark room. I could feel something cold and hard gripping my hand. Something that I was quite sure normally brought me comfort. But now that was gone.
I felt empty.
I opened my eyes slowly, needing a few seconds for my eyes to adjust to the dim lighting before I realized that I was in Edward's room, in the giant black bed. The curtains were drawn, blocking the huge glass wall so effectively that I couldn't tell if it were night or day. I couldn't hear anything besides a low moaning wail, coming from close by.
I tried to push myself up, lifting my head, searching for the source of the noise, but a sharp jolt of pain shot through my middle and I fell back with a groan, but not before I realized why I felt so empty. My bump was gone. My little nudger...?
Oh my God, no.
The cold stone thing that I held in my hand moved, stroking my arm gently, and I heard a very familiar soft velvet voice speak my name. I turned my eyes to meet his and momentarily forgot my question... shocked at what I saw in his black eyes. He looked like he was in agony. His eyes tortured, pained... like a dying man who had nothing left to lose. Then it all came back to me in a series of blurred flashes... it had happened so fast. Jacob tackling Rosalie, Edward scooping me from the room and racing up the stairs to Carlisle's study, determination in his eyes, his decision made. He wouldn't stand by and watch me die any longer.
He had taken our baby from me.
My heavy hand fluttered to my flat stomach. Edwards head dropped to the bed, silent sobs wracking his whole body as he continued to hold my other hand. I heard a hollow sound echo through the large room, and instantly was reminded of a whale's call, low and mournful... then I felt that sound escape my lips. It was me.
I snatched my hand from his, my movements slow... sluggish from the drugs. I couldn't look at him and I didn't want to be touching him. I carefully eased my violated, empty body away from my betrayer and turned on my side. Reaching up I pulled the pillow out from under my head and pushed it down under the covers, holding it against my tummy with my knees, wrapping my arms around it like I used to do with my little nudger, when he was safe and protected inside me. Blinded by my tears, I shut my eyes against them and let my shuddering sobs rock me back to sleep.
Edward
'What have I done...?'
I knelt on the floor, my elbows on the bed, facing my wife, who had turned her back on me. I hadn't moved in hours. I longed to touch her, to comfort her, but I knew that my touch would bring her no comfort right now... if ever again. In her restless, pained sleep I had attempted to soothe her with her lullaby, but almost instantly silent tears had began coursing down her face, I am sure in reaction to my voice, so I desisted.
The rest of my family had returned home several hours ago; apparently Alice had already filled them in on the details... and Carlisle had immediately gone to his study to examine the body of the foetus. I know I am sick and masochistic, but I still wish I hadn't heard every thought in Carlisle's head during his autopsy of my daughter's tiny body. Carlisle himself had choked back his pained sobs when he'd found her heart... fully formed, but not yet old enough or strong enough to beat for itself without the aid of her mother, whom I had torn her from. She was part human and I had killed her.
I had been battling with the decision to end my life since then... but that was the coward's way out now, I wouldn't leave Bella to face this pain alone. I wouldn't have even needed the Volturi to do it, I knew the wolf pack would come looking for us when Jacob didn't come home to them... even if Jacob's 'wolf pack' only consisted of Seth and Leah right now, there was no way Sam would stand idly by once learning of his pack brother's death at the hands of a vampire.
I had ruined everything. Bella was destroyed, heartbroken and grief stricken over the loss of our child, who had died at my hand. Jacob was dead, which meant that our century-old pact with the werewolves was broken, and now my whole family was in danger, and at best would have to relocate to somewhere far, far away from Forks, and begin everything, all over again.
And it was all my fault.
Bella
The next time I awoke I was alone... but I could hear hushed, very fast voices outside my door. It was Edward and Alice, and it sounded like they were arguing. I didn't really care what it was about, so I didn't bother trying to catch the words.
My mouth felt like sandpaper, and rasped harshly when I called Alice's name. She instantly stepped into the room, her body slumped and forlorn with her heavy steps, not her usual dancing grace. I saw Edward peer around the door behind her but I didn't acknowledge him.
"Can I please have some water Alice?"
She nodded, forcing a small sympathetic smile to her lips. "Of course."
That left me alone with Edward. I closed my eyes.
"Bella...?"
I shook my head quickly. "Don't. Just go away Edward."
My voice was harsher than I intended it to be, but I didn't regret my words.
He didn't do as I asked.
"Please Bella. I am so so sorry... I will do anything to make up for this..."
"Anything?" I asked scathingly. "Anything? Can you give me my son back?"
I was aware of him wringing his hands in despair. It reminded me of something I'd seen Esme do when she was worried. I would never get the chance to pass any of my quirks down to my son.
"It was a girl, Bella." He spoke so quietly that I didn't recognize the words at first. When they sunk in I was reeling. His voice was pained and broken as he continued.
"She had a heart, and brown eyes like yours, and teeth and tough vampire skin like mine. She was half human. I'd thought she was a monster."
He came forward a few steps, then fell to his knees in front of me, by the bed, sobbing brokenly. I wanted to reach out and comfort him, run my fingers through his bronze hair, hold his head to my chest... but I couldn't. I just couldn't.
"I killed her Bella. I Killed Her. I am so sorry. I should have listened to you."
I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say.
"Please, my love. Please? Can you ever forgive me?"
I knew what to say now. I wouldn't lie to him.
"No."