Archive of Our Own

“Can I borrow your sweater?”

“Why?”

“I’m cold.”

Yerim skipped towards her closet and revealed all the sweaters she currently owns. She has a variety of colours, ranging from the brightest purple to simple white to the darkest black. In all honesty, Hyejoo didn’t expect the brunette to buy a sweater that is completely black. That’s a color that repeats in Hyejoo’s own closet. 

Hyejoo and Yerim are complete opposites, as what others say, and both of them had agreed. Yerim owns a smile that puts the sun to shame, while Hyejoo’s smile is… non-existent. Hyejoo could stay up all night just to play games, Yerim would not exchange her bedtime for anything else. Yerim is someone people will want to get close with, but Hyejoo is someone people wouldn’t want to be around with. If you ask a” would you rather” question, Hyejoo will prefer this over that, while Yerim will prefer that over this. 

In other words, both of them are like when two whole different worlds collide. Yerim is perceived as the gregarious, optimistic and cheerful ray of sunshine, while Hyejoo is thought to be the introverted, pessimistic and edgy person who likes her alone time.

Hyejoo doesn’t care about how others portray her. They’re not entirely wrong.

Yerim reached out to the black sweater and tossed it over to Hyejoo. Hyejoo caught it with one hand, muttering a “thanks”. 

The cotton material was really soft, and the scent emitting from it was familiar and comforting. Hyejoo wore the sweater over her shirt, relishing in the warmth that surrounded her.

The bed dipped when Yerim sat back next to Hyejoo, opening her laptop to continue the essay that had been keeping her busy for the past hour. Being too engrossed in her work, she didn’t notice Hyejoo stealing glances occasionally.

Silence settled in between them, as Yerim works and Hyejoo plays on her Nintendo switch. Normally, when they hang out, they actually don’t really talk much. Not because they have nothing to share, but there just wasn’t a need for constant conversations. Hyejoo finds the quiet atmosphere nice.

Now that Hyejoo thought about it, while her friend will not stop rambling if she does start on a topic, she is pretty silent when she’s around Hyejoo. Others may expect Yerim to be the talkative one among the pair, and has a never-ending supply of energy that Hyejoo has to deal with. When in actuality Yerim is someone that can be rather quiet, and she definitely has a limit to her energy. But Hyejoo doesn’t blame them. After all, that’s basically just how Yerim presents herself on a superficial level.

Those were Hyejoo’s first impressions of Yerim as well, and initially, she thought she'd never let herself get along with someone that’s so jumpy and hugs everyone she knows(Hyejoo wasn’t fond of skinship from people she’s not close to). Yet here she is. You can’t really ignore someone like Yerim though, can you? Plus, she’s the only person that still bothered talking to her even after Hyejoo ignored her on multiple occasions.

Hyejoo doesn’t initiate conversations. She doesn’t see the point in interacting with people because half of them out there are just trying to make use of others for their own benefits. You’ll never know when will someone stab you in the back and then proceeds to ask who tried to kill you.

Maybe it’s just her personal trust issues, but it serves as a defence mechanism against toxicity.

Yes, Yerim is different. Her persistence should have annoyed Hyejoo to the core, but it didn’t as there was something so genuine in her efforts. She actually cares. She makes sure to remind Hyejoo to complete her work (even if Hyejoo wouldn’t), wakes Hyejoo up whenever she slept in class (but she lets her sleep for a little), includes Hyejoo as much as she can (though she doesn’t mind not being included), and… lets Hyejoo lean on her shoulder as she wept.

Hyejoo had dated in secret. That's another reason why she didn’t want to get close to other people. She had spent all her time and attention on someone that she loved with all her being. When Hyejoo had her, nobody else mattered. 

So when she had to leave Hyejoo behind, heartbroken was an understatement of what Hyejoo felt. 

Chaewon broke the news to Hyejoo, and Hyejoo can still remember how broken she sounded on the other end of the line. Both of them were separated by the parents’ outrage and Hyejoo was forbidden to come close to her girlfriend. Hyejoo went completely numb. She despises the fact that even at this age and time, homophobia still exists. 

And Chaewon’s parents moved away, taking their daughter along as well, despite her attempts in trying to escape. The love of Hyejoo’s life was ripped away from her just like that, and they might as well rip away her heart, too. Afterwards, Hyejoo refused to step out of her house for one whole week. 

She and Chaewon could’ve had a happy ending.

She returned to school, as she couldn't lie about being ill anymore. She has been crying for days and hasn't understood why life was so cruel to her. 

She dismissed all the nudges and nagging Yerim gave her. Grunting in response whenever the brunette tries to get her to sit up. 

And Yerim, she’s far from being oblivious. She knew something was wrong. Nobody trembles in their sleep.

Hyejoo wasn’t aware that Yerim knew, she simply thought she would ignore her and assumed she just really wanted to rest. 

When the bell rang for the final period, Hyejoo heard the loud screeching of chairs and cheers of the students, and then the rumbling of the floor as her classmates dashed out of class. The room went silent in a matter of minutes, leaving Hyejoo all alone. 

Or she thought she was alone.

“Hyejoo, what’s wrong?”

There’s dead silence. That was the first time Yerim was so quiet. It got kind of scary to Hyejoo. She argued with herself whether or not to just get out of class or to confide with Yerim. The pent up sorrow and misery got the better of her, and Hyejoo cried. Hyejoo has never let anyone see her so vulnerable and broken before, not even her family. She didn’t tell Yerim anything, however. 

A comforting hand, a shoulder to lean on, and soft-spoken words. 

That was all Hyejoo needed to start accepting the harsh reality. 

Yerim throws her hands up and stretches her back, presses on to the ‘send’ button and she’s done with her work. She rests her chin on Hyejoo’s shoulder and observes the other girl’s game. Hyejoo swallows her saliva. Why is she nervous?

“I’ll never understand what’s so fun about this.” Yerim says. 

“How can you understand if you have never tried it before?” Hyejoo asks.

“I did! Yeojin taught me how to play on the PC, but I kept getting chased by zombies and the weird green thing almost gave me a heart attack when it sneaked up from behind and exploded in my face. Why would you want to play something like that?”

“For your info, it’s called a creeper. And that’s one of the fun parts! I mean, it’s really annoying of course, but it adds to the challenge.”

Yerim just shrugs, and gets up to place her laptop back on her desk. She walks to her closet and gathers the clothes she needed for shower. She reminds Hyejoo to get started on her work before she shuts the door.

Hyejoo sighs, and quits her game. She tosses her switch to the side and flops down onto the bed, her limbs spreading out to occupy the whole mattress. She takes a deep breath, and the familiar smell wafts through her nose. 

Hyejoo kind of only told Yerim half of the truth when she asked for the sweater just now. It’s cold, yes, but Hyejoo enjoys the fragrance so much more. Yerim is busier nowadays, after she got nominated to be the vice president of the student council, and Hyejoo doesn’t get to see her as often. So today is one of the rare times she gets to be around her.

But, she still misses Yerim. Even though she was here literally a minute ago.

Hyejoo's phone vibrates in her pocket, and she pulls it out to check it.

Bread:

Where are you?

If you’re not going to be back soon I’ll finish the watermelon😛

Her sister, Hyunjin, has successfully summoned Hyejoo back home. Nobody eats watermelon without her. 

In her rush, she has totally forgotten to return the sweater back to its owner. But it’s ok,  Hyejoo figures, she’ll give it back to Yerim when she sees her next time.

———

Being the president of the students is no walk in the park. Yerim has to wake up earlier than other students, makes sure the student councils do their duties, consolidates all the feedback and complaints schoolmates have about the school, to name a few. On top of that, she still has to entertain the people that come up to her for other matters, which mostly consists of stuck ups so they can ask her for favours or a myriad of confessions for their so called “undying love” (Yerim cringes at this). 

Being popular comes with a cost, after all. Yerim helps whenever she can, but the confessions are, of course, something that she has to say no to. It doesn’t help that they’re all boys, either. Yerim is never into boys, or the idea of dating in general. She doesn’t have any spare time to invest in a relationship. The workload is barely manageable, and she’s so exhausted everyday after she’s back from school. The cycle repeats every school day, and she’ll be lying if she says she didn’t consider quitting.

Sometimes she thinks about why she has chosen to walk down this path. She should have contemplated more on the immense stress and tiredness that she will face when she first applied for the student council. And as if that wasn’t enough, now she had been nominated to become the vice president. 

But that is just how Yerim is. She gets so driven into improving the lives of others, she tends to forget about herself. She gets so drowned in work, yet she always feels like she hasn’t done enough. There are still people who bully, people who never seem to be satisfied with the school, people who don’t perform their duties (how are they even in the student council in the first place?). 

Sometimes Yerim just wants to show that she’s exhausted, but she can’t risk destroying the image she had long established in people’s heads. So she buries everything underneath her smile. It has worked seamlessly over the years. But recently, she really wants to just let it all out. She just wants someone who will listen.  

(But who can she turn to without feeling like she was a burden?)

Yerim walked out of the bathroom, rubbing the towel on her head to dry her hair. She was expecting to be greeted by the sight of Hyejoo still smashing the buttons on her gaming device, so she readied the sigh she was going to release. 

But no. Hyejoo isn’t there.

Hye🖤:

Sorry that I didn’t tell you I’m going back 

If I wasn’t quick enough Hyunjin was going to wipe out all the watermelon

Me:

It’s fine. Enjoy your watermelon

See you soon

Albeit chuckling at Hyejoo’s love for a particular fruit, Yerim feels disappointed. She did plan to talk to Hyejoo more after she’s done with her work, but oh well, watermelons are more important than her. 

Yerim knows she has been more distant to all her friends recently, because of student council, and the upcoming tests in a week’s time. She tries her best to squeeze in time for people into her hectic schedules. 

Especially for Hyejoo. Because of her reserved nature, Hyejoo doesn’t have many people to be with, and as her only close friend she wants to ensure that she won’t feel lonely as much as possible. Yerim has been encouraging her to step out of her comfort zone and get to know some people at least, and it worked to some extent. Hyejoo and Yeojin got along the most out of everyone else, and though she expected more of the results, Yerim is still content with baby steps. 

When those two are together, they are exceptionally loud. Yerim worries about leaving them alone sometimes. There was one time when the trio were at Yeojin’s, and Yerim was only gone for a minute to grab some refreshments, and she can hear them having a verbal war accusing one another for playing dirty. They ended up restarting because Yerim gave up trying to distinguish who lied and who didn’t.

It was then Yerim finds out that Hyejoo isn’t as quiet as she makes herself to be. She can be rather boisterous. Just not around other people. And even though she denies it, Hyejoo does like meeting new people. Meeting the right people. People who don’t have ulterior motives. 

Others often wonder how she and Hyejoo managed to be so tight, considering the fact that both of them have such conflicting natures. Yerim didn’t have the greatest impression on Hyejoo to begin with. They never needed to cross paths, since they used to be in different classes, but moving on to their senior years they started to share classes, and their teacher decided to put them together as tablemates. 

Yerim secretly wasn’t fond of sitting next to her, but she didn’t have a choice so she just went with it. She tried making small talk, and Hyejoo always replied half-heartedly. Yerim wasn’t oblivious, she could tell that Hyejoo wanted to be left alone, but Yerim didn’t want to stop unless Hyejoo directly told her to. She wanted to find out if the rumours circulating among the students were true- that Son Hyejoo is the scary, grumpy and unapproachable girl. Some even say that she was the gang leader of the delinquents around the neighborhood. Though Yerim thinks that that was a bit far-fetched. 

Yerim would chide Hyejoo for things like homework and sleeping in class, and frankly speaking she thought she was asking for a death wish. But thankfully, all Hyejoo did was roll her eyes or click her tongue, not squaring her up or threaten her like a punk would. And that was enough for Yerim to debunk one of the rumours. Yerim started finding Hyejoo intriguing. 

These went on for about two weeks, and Yerim managed to get Hyejoo to begin to look at her when she talked. 

(Yeah, that didn’t seem like the greatest feat, but she was trying.) 

However, they started to actually get close after the time when Hyejoo didn’t attend school for a whole week. 

Yerim tried to reach her by texting her and calling her, but was only to be left on read or hearing the voicemail. And she couldn’t even visit her, because she didn’t have her address and literally nobody in school knows Hyejoo well enough to know the location of her house. 

When the girl finally came back, she still didn’t look like she was in the pink of health. She seemed dead . It was as if her soul had been sucked out and all that’s left behind was an empty shell which is susceptible to all kinds of threats. One step on it and the shell will be completely destroyed. And Yerim took that step by asking her what’s wrong after school ended.

And it was then Hyejoo’s body started shaking. Her fists balled tightly. She was still lying on the table like she did for the whole day. When Hyejoo cried, Yerim’s heart clenched tightly. Hyejoo never told her the reason, and Yerim doesn’t pry. It was then Yerim realised that Hyejoo was just like everybody else. She isn’t an emotionless robot, and she doesn’t like being alone all the time. 

And she has her own struggles, but she chooses not to tell anyone.

Just like Yerim.

Yerim lies on her bed, replaying the events in her head. 

———

“Hye…? What are you doing here?” Yerim asks as she lets out a big yawn. 

The girl outside scratches her nape, and then rubs it. Hyejoo doesn’t look at Yerim in the eyes. 

“I can’t be here?” Hyejoo replies, folding her arms.

“Of course you can… it’s just a little unexpected, you know? It’s midnight . And our exams start tomorrow. I mean, in the morning.” 

Yerim first heard a knock from outside, and thought she was hearing things, but her phone started to buzz and the ringtone made her jump in her bed. She answered the phone quickly, slightly annoyed at how the peaceful silence has been destroyed by a phone call, of all sounds, late into the night. 

She groaned and when she found out who the caller was, the phone stopped buzzing. Then the knocks came back again. At least Yerim confirmed that it wasn’t a ghost or something.

“Hold on, do you miss me? That’s why you came?”

“Shut up! It’s not that!” Hyejoo immediately defends, and Yerim would have caught her lying easily if she could see the red painting on Hyejoo's cheeks. 

“Okay… then tell me, what’s your purpose here?”

“I… just let me in first.”

And Yerim does just that. She steps aside to let Hyejoo come in.

“Here.” Hyejoo passes the sweater she borrowed two weeks ago, and Yerim receives it with a smile. Hyejoo turns and walks to Yerim’s room, and Yerim follows. Thankfully, her parents are still sound asleep. 

The lights switch on, and Yerim squints her eyes. 

“So what’s up?” Yerim mumbled.

The eye bags beneath Yerim’s eyes seem heavier than ever, her eyes have lost their sparkle and her lips are slightly pale. It may be because Hyejoo just disturbed Yerim’s sleep, but Hyejoo knows better. These made Hyejoo worried, and she stared at the girl in front of her for long enough to make Yerim feel jittery. 

Hyejoo didn’t say anything. They stood there for about a minute or so, and Yerim frowned. She tilted her head towards the right and snapped her fingers in front of Hyejoo.

“Hyejoo, what’s wrong?” Yerim asked again, this time with concern and seriousness. 

“Nothing.” Hyejoo simply replied.

“Are you sure?”

Hyejoo nodded once again.

“Yerim, what’s wrong?” 

Yerim stiffens up. 

“Nothing.” She replies.

“Are you sure ?”

She doesn’t answer this time.  Her throat is dry, and the next thing she knows tears are rolling down her cheeks. She doesn’t know how to say it. She has never talked about her own problems. 

“It’s okay. Take your time.”

They sat on the bed. And Yerim leans her head against Hyejoo’s shoulder. Hyejoo rubs soothingly on her arm with her hand, putting her head on Yerim’s. 

“I’m sorry I showed up without telling you.” Hyejoo whispers.

“Oh yeah, so why are you here?”

Silence settled between them again. Hyejoo stops rubbing Yerim’s arm, and slowly releases the girl from her hold. She remains mum, and looks at anywhere but towards Yerim’s direction.

“I- I missed you. That’s all.” Hyejoo finally says, before she stands up abruptly. 

“I- sorry. I just, I gotta go. Text me if you need anything.”

Yerim wants Hyejoo to stay longer. She really does. But at that moment she doesn’t know why her words were caught up in her throat, and she just couldn’t bring herself to say anything. So Hyejoo leaves without another word. 

Hyejoo berates at herself. Wasn’t she supposed to be there for Yerim? Why was she in such a hurry to leave? Why did she think it was a good idea to visit a friend at freaking midnight, with exams in the next morning anyways? Was she that desperate to see a friend?

Ah.

She’s in deep shit.

She’s falling for her.

Hyejoo noticed how happy she gets whenever she gets to see Yerim. She thought that it was because she was her friend. She noticed how there’s a tinge of jealousy when she sees Yerim spending time with others. Probably because it always happens when Hyejoo doesn’t feel like being alone. She noticed how she always stared at Yerim, because she was pretty. Infatuation, perhaps. 

No, Hyejoo has to stop lying to herself.

But she can’t fall for her. 

What if she thinks that she’s disgusting?

And Yerim had never shown any signs of being not straight.

Hyejoo has seen it before. Boys had chased after Yerim before, and she only rejected all of them because she wanted to focus on school. There was this one time when an actually attractive guy asked her out, and Yerim got so flustered. And she calls her female friends girlfriends. Yeah, there’s no way she’s not straight. 

Yerim really is so different from her, huh?

During the exam period, which lasted about two weeks, both of them hardly spoke to one another. Because both were busy studying their butts off. And though Hyejoo absolutely despises spending hours and hours on reading and practising the same materials over and over, she needed to pass her exams. Once in a while, she would receive messages from Yerim, but it was all about work, and nothing else. Hyejoo would text her some questions if she had difficulties as well. 

Yerim thought about studying with Hyejoo. The distance between them made Yerim realise how much she yearned for Hyejoo’s presence. Sometimes she found herself unable to concentrate because her mind wandered off to Hyejoo. And then whenever she shifted back to reality, she would get embarrassed about the fact that Hyejoo just comes to her mind so naturally and so frequently. 

But whenever she tries to send Hyejoo something other than work, she just couldn’t. No matter how much she wanted to see her again and talk to her, to actually talk to her. 

Hyejoo saw Yerim typing, but then it stopped, and she went offline.

And even though she was a little disappointed, Hyejoo went offline as well.

I don’t want to seem clingy. 

That was what went through both of their minds.

———

Finally, the gruesome exams were over. Hyejoo and Yerim could finally relax.  

“Hyejoo!” Yerim runs towards the taller after their final paper.

Usually, Yerim would pounce on Hyejoo to give her a bear hug, but today, she didn’t. Why? Yerim doesn’t know either. 

“Y-you wanna… go home together?” And since when did Yerim become so nervous talking to Hyejoo?

Throughout their journey back, there were unsaid words, hesitated actions and lingering gazes. Remember when Hyejoo mentioned that Yerim can be quiet? Well, this was too quiet. Even Hyejoo couldn’t stand it. Physical affections like hand holding were suddenly so unnatural, because it’s now hard for both sides to maintain a steady heartbeat whenever they touch. Hyejoo accidentally grazed her fingers with Yerim’s hand because she was walking too close to her, and that immediately put a distance between the both of them. Blood rushed up their heads, lightly tinting their cheeks pink. 

Even their parting was awkward. Hyejoo reached her home first, and she opened her arms slightly as she faced Yerim. Yerim tilted her head to the side, and it took her a few seconds to understand the gesture. She forced a laughter out to conceal the uneasiness between them. 

Slowly, Hyejoo and wrapped her arms around the smaller girl’s back. She closes her eyes, breathing in the familiar and redolent scent. Yerim’s hands found their way to the taller girl’s back, and she hugged back firmly.

Finally, something that felt familiar and easy.

The next time they hung out was when they went to a dog cafe. 

Yerim loves dogs, and Hyejoo wouldn’t say she loves dogs, but some of them are cute. And seeing Yerim so happy around them earns an automatic pass on the list of things Hyejoo likes. 

Hyejoo’s doing it again.

Staring at Yerim as the girl showed a genuine smile after so long. Hyejoo thinks that Yerim’s smile was one of the best things about her. It could make the coldest of hearts melt into a puddle of endearment.

(It’s true. Because Hyejoo used to have a heavy block of ice in her chest. But now all she could feel was warmth and lightness there, thanks to Yerim.)

Her train of thoughts was broken when the west highland terrier jumped on to Hyejoo and started licking at her face. And suddenly Hyejoo thought of a brilliant idea. What if she got a dog? Would that make Yerim come visit her more often? Hyejoo doesn’t know if she’s actually being serious about that. 

“What if I got a dog…” Hyejoo meant to mumble it out, but Yerim heard her.

“That’ll be fun. Seeing a puppy taking care of a puppy.”

“What?”

“You're just like a puppy sometimes, you know?”

That made Hyejoo’s heart soar. Yerim was indirectly saying that she likes her…

She’s thinking too much again.

After getting licked by all the dogs in the cafe, they walked out of that place and headed home. It was winter, and Yerim didn’t expect such strong winds to be blowing today. So she didn’t wear thick clothing, and now she was turning into a human popsicle.

Achoo!

She started sneezing uncontrollably, and after she was done she couldn’t stop shivering. Dang, she should have listened to her mother. 

And then she felt something soft and warm draped on her neck, as someone in front of her wrapped the scarf around her neck.

“Here. Is it warmer?” Hyejoo’s cheeks were red, like, really red. 

“Your face is really red, you can keep it!” Yerim quickly undid the scarf and surrounded it around Hyejoo’s neck, and Hyejoo flinched when she realized the proximity between them. 

“Don’t move!”

“S-sorry! I was a little surprised.” 

Yerim’s reaction was much slower than Hyejoo’s and only after she tucked the scarf neatly for the taller girl then she was aware of how she could feel Hyejoo’s breath against her own forehead. 

“Ah! Sorry sorry!” Yerim jumped backwards, and she no longer felt like her nose was about to drop off. In fact, it’s the opposite now. Her whole face was scorching hot.

“It’s okay! It’s okay! We really should head back now!” Hyejoo suggested, and Yerim agreed unanimously. 

When they were on the train, Yerim’s mind was racing. She wanted to bury herself six feet down and never come back up again. Because she didn’t have the face to face Hyejoo. Why was she so alarmed? It’s not like she has never been that close to Hyejoo before. Why did it feel so different now? 

Actually, why does everything about Hyejoo feel so different now?

Then Yerim’s senses were full of a very familiar scent - Hyejoo’s scent. The train began to crowd at the stop, and Hyejoo had to move in to make way. That means moving closer to Yerim, who was leaning against the wall, and Yerim swore that her legs were going to cave in. 

Her heart has beaten irregularly because of someone before, and that’s when the school’s most attractive boy asked her out.

But while that guy may have made her heart thump, Hyejoo made her heart stop. 

Yerim spotted how Hyejoo was blushing just as madly as herself, and she found the sight very cute. Super cute. Hyejoo didn’t dare to look at her, so she was facing her left side, biting and licking her dry lips. And then Yerim’s attention turned to Hyejoo’s lips, and since when did they start to look so kissable ?

Oh no.

That doesn’t seem like a very heterosexual thought.

It was their stop next, and Yerim pushed her way out. Hyejoo barely managed to catch up before the doors closed.

“Yerim? Is everything okay?” Hyejoo grabbed her hand gently, and Yerim shook it off.

“Sorry Hyejoo, I have to rush home. I, erm, have something going on. You don’t have to rush with me, take it slow, yeah? Okaythanksfortodaybye.”

And with that, Yerim took off, never looking back.

———

It’s their term break, and both of them didn’t initiate anything about meeting up with each other during the holidays. It was only thanks to Yeojin did they finally see each other. 

Yeojin sensed that something was wrong. They haven't uttered a single word to each other without Yeojin in the conversation. They wouldn’t even look at each other’s direction. They just seemed very flustered, and like they wanted to get out of the house right there and then.

Did they have a fight? Yeojin doubted that. Yerim would come and rant to her if they did. 

Hyejoo shouted, “Uno game!” and threw her last card on to the pile.

“Damn it! That’s the tenth time in a row!” Yeojin rolled her eyes.

“Uno is so boring. I want to play my switch.”

“There’s three of us here.”

“It’s fine. I can just watch you two play.” Yerim said as she put away the cards.

Not on my watch. Yeojin smirked. This was the chance to let them actually interact. It was painful watching them being so awkward with each other.

“Nah, you can play with Hye. You should try playing the switch, it’s fun!”

Yeojin saw how Yerim visibly tensed up. 

“Okay…”

Hyejoo had finished setting up the console, and she tossed both controllers to Yeojin as she walked away from the two of them, saying she needed the bathroom. Yeojin cursed to herself.

Before they could start, Yeojin’s phone buzzed. It was her friend, Hyunjin. Hyunjin told her she needed some help with things, and she sounded quite nasally, like she had just cried, which alarmed Yeojin. 

“Gotta run. Emergency. Tell Hyejoo sorry.”

Yerim couldn’t even protest because her friend was too quick on her toes. And just in time, Hyejoo came out of the bathroom the moment Yeojin slammed the door.

“Where did she go?” Hyejoo asked.

“She… has an emergency.”

And things just became dead silent from then on. They were playing Super Smash Bros, and the game’s sound was the only thing that's keeping the atmosphere a little less uneasy. 

Yerim was still learning the controls, and while she was struggling, Hyejoo wanted to help her, but she just couldn’t bring herself to. Yerim wanted to ask for help, but she had no idea how to break the ice. So they just sat there for about two games, before Hyejoo finally beat herself to it and taught Yerim the controls.

Yerim felt a tiny bit better after Hyejoo spoke to her, but her tone was rather nonchalant, like she was only helping her because she had to, not because she wanted to. And that made Yerim sad. Why have things become like this?

Hyejoo noticed the slight frown on Yerim’s face. What’s wrong? She wanted to ask, but before she could say a word, Yerim turned her head to her.

“Can I borrow your sweater?” 

“Why?”

“I forgot mine. It seems like it’s really cold outside.”

“Are you… going home now?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

That night, Yerim tossed and turned in her bed. She couldn’t fall asleep, because there was some sort of heaviness sitting on her chest, and it was so cold even though she had already wrapped herself with her blanket. 

It was only after she put on another layer of sweater did she eventually drifted off to sleep.

Well, it wasn’t any sweater, it was Hyejoo’s.

———

“What’s happening? Why are you crying?”

“Fuck. I miss her, Yeojin. I miss Yerim so fucking much.”

“Then call her over?? Text her??”

“It’s not that easy!”

“Okay, you better tell me what the hell is going on between you two. Y'all had been acting weird with each other.”

“I think I like her…”

“I need you to be specific.”

“I have no idea how it started but I just started becoming awkward and distant when I realised. And I think she hates me now. That day when you left, she also left after a while. And she looked unhappy. She hasn’t texted me or anything for the whole holiday. This is all my fault, I know, but I really want to see her but I don’t think she wants to-”

“She will never hate you. And maybe she didn’t text you because she’s waiting for you to do it first.”

“No, I’m convinced that she doesn’t want me in her life anymore. It’s okay! I deserve it! It’s my fault that I ruined our friendship because of my stupid feelings!”

“Argh, why do I have so many lovesick dumbasses around me… first Hyunjin, and now you. You know what? If you don’t want to do it, I will help you. No need to thank me. Bye.”

Yeojin hung up after that. Hyejoo laughed bitterly. She’s done for. There’s no way Yeojin could help her-

“Hyejoo! Your friend is here!” Hyejoo’s mum shouted from downstairs. 

Hyejoo trudged out of her room. Now, how was she going to persuade Yeojin not to waste her energy beating a dead horse?

Hyejoo almost tumbled down the stairs when she caught a glimpse of who actually came to her house.

“Y- Yerim? What are you doing here?”

Yerim came forward to Hyejoo and checked on her. Red and swollen eyes, a sniffing nose, rosy cheeks… Yeojin wasn’t lying. Yerim knocked out Hyejoo’s breath as she engulfed her in her embrace. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Let’s… let’s go up. And talk.”

Hyejoo’s room was in a mess. There were clothes and empty food packets scattered all over the floor and on her bed. It seemed like Hyejoo had been closed in her room for a while now and surviving solely on microwave food and junk food. Did she not step out of the house at all? There were three days left till school starts.

“Sorry for the unsightly scene.” Hyejoo mumbled an apology as she tried to clear the rubbish.

When she was done clearing as much as possible, she sat down on the bed beside Yerim. 

“Hyejoo, please tell me what’s wrong. You’re not alone.”

“Did Yeojin tell you to come?”

“No, she just told me you were crying. And I just couldn’t sit around and not come and see you.”

“It’s nothing, really.”

They fell into silence again. Yerim’s mouth was itching to let her words out. Hyejoo was just right there. Just say something. Haven’t you been crying too, because of Hyejoo? 

“Hyejoo, you remembered that I borrowed your sweater, right?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“I didn’t borrow it because I was cold. I borrowed it because I miss you. Like a lot. And your sweater smells like you so… yeah.”

That sounded downright creepy. She felt like she messed up. Yerim prayed with all her might that she didn’t scare the poor girl away.

Hyejoo was stunned. So Yerim doesn’t hate her right? Yerim missed her like she missed Yerim, so she still cares about her, right? 

Yerim wiped away the tears streaming down on an unknowing Hyejoo. Hyejoo started to blush from how gentle Yerim was cupping her face. 

“Why are you crying?”

“I’m just scared that you didn’t care about me anymore…”

“Aw Hyejoo, I will never not care about you.”

Yerim pulled Hyejoo in for a hug, and Hyejoo just melted against her body. She buried her nose into Yerim’s neck, and Yerim shuddered when she felt Hyejoo’s hot breaths on her skin. 

“I missed you too.” Hyejoo whispered.

Hyejoo pulled away first, if not she was going to get mucus and tears all over Yerim. She hastily grabbed a few tissues and blew her nose into them. A smile formed on Yerim’s face. 

Hyejoo is not intimidating at all. She’s just cute, and whatever she does is cute, too.

Yerim was so engrossed in thinking about how so not true the rumors about Hyejoo are, that she didn’t realise Hyejoo was staring at her.

Hyejoo thinks it’s not fair. How can god shove someone like Yerim into her life and make her straight? Unbelievable. 

Hyejoo wants Yerim. But not like this. 

But first, she had to test the waters.

“Yerim? There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.” Hyejoo’s hands were already starting to turn clammy.

“What is it?” Yerim now had her full attention on Hyejoo. 

“I… I’m… gay…”

“Oh. Well, that’s fine by me!”

“Really? You don’t think that I’m disgusting?”

“There’s nothing disgusting about loving people, is there? Is this… why you are hurting?”

“No. I’ve known for quite a while, I… dated a girl before.”

“What. Hold on. You did???”

Hyejoo nodded her head, and Yerim did not see that one coming. Hyejoo never seemed like the type to date someone. She looked like more of the people who find dating overrated and grimace at the concept of falling in love. Who knew?

“Sorry, but, wow. I never expected that you would date someone.” 

“Yeah, I get it. I thought that romance was super cliche and cringe at first too, until I experienced what it was like to love and be loved.” Hyejoo chuckled. “Did you… had someone before too?”

“No. Well, I’ve been to one date before, but it was a disaster. So dating left quite a bad impression on me.”

“Oh. So you’re not interested in dating at all now?”

“Erm… I wouldn’t say I’m not…” Yerim sighed. “I do have… someone in mind now…” She whispered the next sentence, but Hyejoo’s ears were sharp.

Hyejoo wished she didn’t hear that though. It felt like a knife just went right though her heart. “Is that so? Me too.”

“What? You do? Is it someone I know? Oh my god, don’t tell me it’s Yeo-“

“NO! I will never like her like that! Urgh, gross!” Hyejoo quickly defended as she stuck out her tongue in disgust.

“Then who can it be? At least as far as I know, I don’t really think you like anyone other than me and Yeojin enough to even look at them.”

“Yeah, okay. Point made.” Hyejoo hoped that Yerim could get her hint.

“So it’s probably someone I don’t know.” Yerim shrugged as she concluded, and Hyejoo wanted to do a facepalm.

“No, it’s someone that you do know. In fact, you know this person very well.” Hyejoo tried again.

“Describe her to me.”

“She’s around my height, but I’m taller. She’s my age. She’s a little bit slow to catch up with things, though she’s one of the faster learners in class. I never expected myself to be friends with someone like her, because we have such contrasting personalities. I think that she’s too good for this world, honestly. Where can you find someone as selfless and caring as her? She overworks herself too much, so sometimes I had to remind her to rest. She has a lot to shoulder, but she never asks for help. I just wish that she would actually stop putting others on top of herself all the freaking time, and that trying her best is enough. She is enough.”

Well, wasn’t that oddly similar to Yerim? Actually, whoever Hyejoo just described sounded identical to Yerim.

“And, even when she’s crying, she still looks so pretty.”

Yerim was struggling to hold back her tears. She has never cried to anyone other than to herself before. And though as sad as that sounds, she didn’t plan to break her walls to anyone any time soon. She doesn’t like people seeing her sad. It makes her feel even more worthless than she already does. So she absolutely hates Hyejoo for hitting that part in her. 

(She doesn’t hate Hyejoo. She can never hate Hyejoo. And though she cried in front of someone, she didn’t feel any more worthlessness, because she finally found the words that she needed this whole time: She is enough.)

“And do you wanna know who’s in my mind now?” Yerim shot Hyejoo a grin through her endless stream of tears. 

Hyejoo didn’t reply. Did she want to know that?

“She’s just right in front of me.”

Hyejoo almost fell off the bed. Her heart quickened its pace, again, for the hundredth time. And it’s all because of the same person. Yerim started to laugh because she caught Hyejoo off guard, lightening the gloomy mood just a little.

“Seriously? That’s it? I said like twenty sentences and you only said one.” Hyejoo pouted as she complained.

“Hey! I wanted to get straight to the point. And aren’t you supposed to be comforting someone right now? Hm?”

“I don’t know how to comfort people.”

“Me too. But…” Yerim scooted closer to Hyejoo and knocked her down to the bed with her body, her arms surrounding Hyejoo’s neck. “... I know that hugs always make me feel better.”

Hyejoo was surprised at how she didn’t turn as stiff as a rock right now, considering the fact that her crush is quite literally crushing her in a hug now. But her crush is also Yerim, and she is comfortable with Yerim. And just having Yerim like this made warmth blossom in Hyejoo’s chest.

She could get used to this.

“Me too. Hugs make me feel better too.”