Chapter Text
“Nong?”
Gulf snapped out of his reverie and shifted his gaze to follow the low, soft voice calling out to him. He saw Mew’s expression change quickly from a look of amusement to worry, his dark brown eyes widening in concern. Gulf gave a small nod to signal that he was okay.
“I’m fine, krub. Just didn’t get a lot of sleep last night,” Gulf let out tiredly. He tried to hide his own concern from Mew.
Today was supposed to be an exciting day –– they were scheduled for a broadcast to promote their new series. Gulf was fully coiffed and made-up, sitting quietly in the dressing room as he waited for Mew to finish. Despite having a relaxed morning, Gulf wasn’t feeling well, and he hadn’t for the past few days. Today, he could feel his heart beating abnormally fast and his mouth felt constantly dry, but he dismissed all his symptoms as part of the nerves and excitement. Gulf tugged at his collar, hoping to cool himself down and make his nausea dissipate a little. He reminded himself that he just needed to get through this interview and then he could rest for a few hours.
Mew knew that Gulf wasn’t just distracted. He noticed the dark bags under Gulf’s eyes, his inability to focus, and his agitation towards minor inconveniences. Gulf wasn’t being his usual open and talkative self with Mew, and he had even lashed out yesterday when Mew had gently asked what was wrong. Mew was conflicted; he didn’t want to breach their agreement on personal space, but he also wanted to comfort Gulf and help share whatever feelings were weighing him down. Mew had decided it was best to keep his distance and stay observant, but he was finding this rule increasingly more difficult to follow.
One of the staff entered the dressing room to give hair and makeup a ten minute warning. Mew, hair already finished, got up from his chair and headed over to sit next to Gulf. He didn’t say anything –– afraid of receiving another blow to his ego –– but hoped that just by being next to him, Gulf would feel his support. Mew was relieved to feel Gulf relax against his arm, and took it as a sign that he was no longer angry with him. In response, Mew slipped a supportive arm around Gulf’s waist, squeezing gently as if to say: I’m here.
Gulf couldn’t bring himself to look up at Mew. He still felt residual guilt after last night, and he didn’t want to confront Mew’s worried glance again. He was so exhausted, he didn’t want to argue; he was already trying to muster all of his strength for the show. Gulf did manage to mumble a few encouraging words and give a small smile, in an attempt to ease Mew.
Mew leaned in. “Hmmm?”
Gulf moved his head a bit closer. He repeated, “Su su na, Phi. Should be fun to see all the phi phi fans again.”
Gulf blinked and licked his lips as he tried to focus on talking. He knew something was wrong. His body felt strangely detached, and his thoughts merged together into a scrambled mess, leaving him tongue-tied. He vaguely heard someone call out to him and felt Mew’s arm help lift him up from his seat. Blurry spots appeared in his vision, and he clutched Mew’s offered arm, fully relying on him to guide them where they needed to go. Gulf centered all of his attention on putting one foot in front of the other.
As Mew and Gulf were led down a hallway behind stage, Gulf could hear fans screaming excitedly, ready for the event to begin. His heart pounded in his chest. Mew pulled Gulf to a stop and briefly let go of him to go talk to a staff member. At that moment, Gulf’s vision abruptly worsened, colors blurred together, and all noise grew muffled. Gulf felt faint and blindly reached out for Mew.
“Phi...I think I’m --” Gulf made a desperate grab at Mew’s sleeve and saw him turn around before his own legs gave out. He was falling backwards.
“Gulf? Gulf!”
Gulf felt arms wrap around him before he hit the ground. Everything went black.
* * *
Time felt uncontrollably fast and unbearably slow, all at the same time. Before Gulf even opened his eyes, his mind slowly started to regain consciousness, piecing together what had just happened. Gulf was faintly aware that there were several people surrounding him, calling out his name. One voice in particular stood out to him.
“Tua-eng, can you hear me? Please wake up,” pleaded a familiar voice. It took Gulf a few seconds to identify it. Mew.
Hearing Mew sparked an immediate reaction within Gulf. He felt a familiar hand holding his, and was able to associate its touch with Mew’s voice. Gulf tried to speak, but his mouth wouldn’t move. Instead, he tried to squeeze Mew’s hand to communicate that he was there.
“Tua-eng?” Mew gave a huge sigh of relief. Gulf felt a returning squeeze.
One by one, Gulf’s senses were restored. When Gulf was finally able to open his eyes, he found himself staring directly into soft, dark brown eyes. Mew.
“P’Mew?” Gulf’s voice cracked a little and he swallowed.
Mew was on the verge of tears, overwhelmed with relief at the sight of Gulf coming back to consciousness. He immediately cupped Gulf’s face, stroking his cheek with his thumb. “I’m here, Tua-eng. I’m here.”
“What happened?” croaked Gulf. He tried to clear his throat, but it was too dry.
“You fainted.” Mew moved his hand from Gulf’s cheek and brushed some hair out of Gulf’s eyes. As Gulf took a moment to gather his thoughts, Mew continued to make little comforting movements: caressing Gulf’s hair, stroking his cheek and temples, rubbing his hand. Mew couldn’t let Gulf go -- he was too afraid that he would evaporate into thin air.
Gulf gave a small –– and tired –– but reassuring grin, and responded lightheartedly, “I told you this would happen if you stayed this handsome. Should have listened to Nong. Maybe you could try your own poong ka ti.” Gulf gestured to his own 'coconut milk belly.'
Mew let out a laugh and nodded in agreement. He opened his mouth as though he wanted to respond, but quickly closed it. His lip quivered as he tried to hold back tears. Mew knew that if Gulf was able to crack jokes, especially at a time like this, in a situation like this… everything would be okay. He sucked in a breath and said a little prayer in his head.
“Phi,” said Gulf softly.
Mew’s gaze snapped anxiously back. “What is it?”
“Water.”
Mew looked across at P’Best, who had been sitting rather quietly next to Gulf, trying not to overwhelm him with too many questions. A staff member soon arrived with a bottle of water, and Mew wrapped his arms around Gulf to help him sit up.
“Is this okay, Nong?” asked Mew. Gulf nodded, but noticed that even that small movement made him feel dizzy and weak.
Mew held the water bottle and redirected the straw towards Gulf’s mouth. Gulf drank nearly everything in one swig, only pausing for breath. As Gulf continued, Mew began to speak with staff and managers about how to proceed with the live.
Gulf, slipping in and out of focus, ignored the group’s discussion and sank deeper into Mew’s embrace. Gulf rested his head in the crook of Mew’s neck and let out a contented sigh as Mew’s arms wrapped protectively around him. Despite common belief, Gulf revelled in Mew’s embrace. It was true that, under normal circumstances, Gulf was not a fan of skinship; it didn’t come naturally to him. However, his relationship with Mew was not a normal one, and over time, Gulf grew to love Mew’s soft touches. He appreciated Mew’s attentiveness: how Mew always made sure his movements were slow, gentle, and meaningful. Now, sitting cocooned in Mew’s arms, Gulf felt safe.
“... Mew should stay and do the event. I called for an ambulance to come pick up Gulf. We’ll run tests, make sure he’s fine, and postpone the photoshoot and live scheduled for tomorrow. I think that’s the best we can do for now.”
A young woman appeared, to check Gulf’s eyes and temperature, and Gulf focused back onto the conversation. He turned his head briefly to see his manager talking with Mew’s team. A bigger group had already formed around them, preparing for the next steps to make sure things ran smoothly. Mew instinctively tightened his grip around Gulf after hearing that Mew would be continuing the broadcast… without Gulf.
“I don’t want to leave Nong alone,” protested Mew. “It’s clear that he’s exhausted and needs someone to take care of him.”
Gulf was frustrated. He didn’t want to leave Mew’s side either, and he wanted to continue with the schedule. He felt a pit in his stomach at the realization that his fans, who had taken the time and effort to show up, would be extremely disappointed in knowing that he wouldn’t be there. Gulf also didn’t want to go to the hospital, where he would become an inconvenience to everyone. The thought of everyone rearranging their schedules to tend to Gulf, in addition to being poked and prodded, made Gulf feel hot with shame. He let out a small groan and sank deeper into Mew’s chest. He could hear his heart rate booming faster in his ears with each new stressful thought. Gulf felt a strong introverted desire to escape to a secluded space where he could physically and mentally recuperate.
There hadn’t been many instances in which Mew saw this side of Gulf, but he could tell that he was imploding. Worry began to settle back in his gut, and he shifted his attention back to Gulf, gently rubbing his back. Mew wanted to consult with Gulf on what he needed, but he didn’t want to burden him with decision-making, especially when it was clear that he couldn’t think properly.
Mew leaned down to whisper in Gulf’s ear. “Tua-eng, will you be all right to go to the hospital with P’Best? I’ll come and pick you up as soon as the broadcast is over and take you home. Can you hold on until then?”
Gulf, still hidden in Mew’s arms, gave a perceptible nod. Mew snuck in a gentle kiss on the exposed part of Gulf’s neck, trying to offer comfort in the way he knew best: physical affection. He prayed that he would have the strength to get through the event and reunite with Gulf soon.
P’Mew looked over at the team and stated calmly, “I’ll stay since the fans are already here. Cancel everything else for today and tomorrow. I’ll pick up Gulf after the show.”
* * *
Mew shut the door after Gulf was comfortably settled in the passenger side of his car. He quickly walked around the front end, got into the driver’s side, buckled his seatbelt, and gave a sigh of relief as he started to drive off towards home. As he exited the hospital parking lot, Mew took a side glance at Gulf to double-check that he was buckled and comfortable.
Gulf reclined his chair so that he could rest. It was rush hour, which meant that it would still take some time before they reached their condo. Gulf folded his arms across his chest and cleared his throat as he settled deeper into his seat.
There was a moment of silence as Mew contemplated how to start the conversation. Gulf didn’t seem in the mood to talk, but Mew wanted to know what the doctors had said. By the time Mew had arrived at the hospital, Gulf and P’Best were already finalizing the paperwork for his hospital release, and Mew didn’t have enough time to ask questions. Given the bandages on Gulf’s arms and hands, Mew concluded that Gulf had received some sort of treatment.
“Do you need anything? Do you want me to stop by anywhere to get you something to eat?” Mew asked gently.
Gulf opened his eyes sleepily and gave a low grunt to communicate that he was fine. Mew waited, hoping that Gulf would add to the conversation, but he didn’t. Disappointed, Mew tried to remind himself that Gulf would tell him everything once he was well rested. He just needed to be patient. Mew let out a soft sigh as he merged onto the jam-packed highway heading out of center Bangkok. He could feel his own fatigue catching up with him, and couldn’t wait to go home, take a shower, and focus on helping Gulf recover.
Mew was correct in thinking that Gulf was not ready to talk yet. When Gulf arrived at the hospital, medical staff quickly diagnosed Gulf with dehydration and severe exhaustion. Nurses hooked him up to fluids and took extra blood samples to make sure there were no other complications resulting from his fatigue. Although Gulf’s visit was smooth and uneventful, it still felt insufferably long, and Gulf had been counting down the minutes until Mew’s arrival. Now that he was finally on the way home, he wanted to take advantage of the silence and privacy he had been yearning for all day. Most importantly, he wanted to take advantage of being with Mew.
After spending nearly two years together, it was becoming increasingly easy to read Mew. Gulf, opening his eyes partly to glance over at Mew, could sense immediately that Mew was forcibly restraining himself from bombarding Gulf with questions. Mew’s furrowed eyebrows, locked jaw, and strong grip on the steering wheel gave away that he was lost in thought… and practicing self-control. Gulf found this cute, and couldn’t stop himself from looking lovingly at his Phi. Even though Gulf couldn’t always show his appreciation, Mew’s actions and thoughtfulness didn’t go unnoticed.
Gulf slowly snaked his arm around Mew’s, which had been resting on the center armrest, and reached for his hand. Gulf intertwined their fingers and felt a small squeeze in return. Mew had to wait until he could stop the car before glancing over, but as soon as he did, he was immediately hit with a familiar fluttering feeling in his stomach.
Gulf’s smile was simple yet so filled with emotion –– so raw –– that Mew didn’t dare look away. The brake lights from surrounding cars enveloped them in a warm and protective hue of deep red, which gave Gulf the security and strength to lock eyes with Mew. Gulf’s loose curls, draped over his face like a curtain of ivy, and soft brown eyes, shrouded with drowsiness, all contributed to a certain softness that made his gaze all the more imposing and intimate. Mew had already been touched by Gulf’s initiated hand-holding, but something about Gulf’s expression in this moment was so unapologetically affectionate, it made Gulf feel vulnerable and Mew shy.
After a few minutes, Gulf finally broke away and went back to sleep, his loving smile still etched on his face. Mew took a few seconds to gather himself and then focused his attention back onto the road. He pulled Gulf’s hand -- still intertwined with his -- up to his mouth and gave a soft kiss. Mew knew, just by that one look, that Gulf had professed his love. Gulf had, of course, already said that he had loved Mew, and Mew had done the same. Many times, in fact. However, this look was special. Mew chuckled softly to himself as he thought about how he was probably going to have to bump up his relationship rating to an 8.3 the next time fans asked in an interview.
The rest of the car ride was quiet, except for the occasional light snore coming from Gulf’s sleeping form. Mew was lost in thought again, although this time, he came to an ironic –– but amusing –– revelation. He grinned and chuckled softly to himself as he realized that sometimes the most important conversations were best expressed through silence.
* * *
“Tua-eng, wake up.” Gulf felt soft lips press against his forehead.
Gulf partly opened his eyes to see Mew leaning over him, giving him a small smile. He quickly realized they were parked in the underground lot at their condo. Gulf squinted and held up a hand to cover the car light shining brightly overhead. Gulf felt like he was coming back from the dead: Every muscle was extremely sore and tender, and Gulf didn’t have the energy to get up.
“Do you need me to carry you?” chuckled Mew, noticing Gulf’s struggle. He asked it with a joking tone, but Gulf knew that if he actually needed to be carried, Mew would do it. Mew gently brushed Gulf’s hair out of his eyes and then lightly tugged on Gulf’s ear to wake him up more. He knew it was a sensitive spot for Gulf, and therefore, a good way to get him up.
Gulf shook his head. “No, Phi, it’s okay. Just give me a second.” He yawned and stretched out his arms, letting out a low groan as he gathered all his strength. Mew rubbed his stomach in the meantime, waiting patiently.
After a few seconds, Gulf finally sat up. Mew immediately threw an arm behind him to help him. He didn’t let go of Gulf once until they arrived at the entrance to their condo. Gulf plugged in the security code, opened the door, and headed in first, taking off his shoes. Mew did the same before pulling Gulf back into his arms. He dug his face into Gulf’s shoulder and breathed in his scent, taking a moment to really appreciate his presence. Mew’s shoulders sagged in relaxation as he felt more like himself.
“I’m going to go take a quick shower. I’ll be back soon, Phi,” Gulf mumbled quietly into Mew’s hair, gently rubbing Mew’s back in return. He gave a little squeeze to show that he was grateful for the hug, and to promise that there would be more later.
“You don’t have to, if you’d rather just get into bed. I’ll make an exception for tonight,” he chuckled as he pulled back a little to look into Gulf’s eyes. “I know you’re tired.”
In getting to know Mew, Gulf was quick to learn that Mew was someone who really valued hygiene and preferred it when both he and Gulf showered before getting into bed. Gulf didn’t mind. Although Gulf was maybe a little more relaxed in terms of cleanliness, he didn’t feel like it was too demanding. Gulf was tired, but he also wanted to wash away the stress and disappointment from today. More importantly –– and he would never verbally admit this to Mew –– he wanted to return some of the care and thoughtfulness that Mew had given him. Gulf knew that the last few days had been taxing for Mew, and he wanted to prove to Mew that he not only cherished their relationship, but also respected it. He sometimes felt like he didn’t emphasize that enough.
Gulf pulled away from Mew’s embrace and gave a soft smile. “It’s okay, naaa. I still have makeup on and my hair feels like straw. Plus, it’ll help me relax,” he replied.
Mew slowly nodded and gave Gulf a light pat on the backside. Gulf lifted an eyebrow teasingly in response before heading down the hallway towards the bathroom. Mew exhaled. He hoped Gulf would be okay.
Gulf took his time undressing, waiting for the water to heat up before heading in. He usually liked cold showers, especially when the climate in Thailand was always so tropical. Today, however he wanted hot: where the steam fogged all of the mirrors, enveloping Gulf in a warm, misty haven. Gulf instinctively headed to go close the door to the bathroom, but abruptly stopped. He knew that Mew would appreciate it if he left the door open, just so that he could check in on him. He left a small gap open.
Gulf let out a huge sigh as he stood underneath the scorching water. He felt lighter, his worries and fatigue slowly seeping out of him, mingling with the water before flowing down the drain. For a few minutes, Gulf just stood still with his eyes closed, waiting for the water to revive him; he desperately wanted to feel like himself again. Behind him, he heard the shower door open.
Mew noticed that Gulf had left the bathroom door open, and decided that was enough of an invitation as any to go join Gulf in washing up. Mew also wanted to rid himself of his makeup and sweat, put on his pajamas, and drink a warm cup of herbal tea before snuggling up next to Gulf. Unfortunately, he wouldn’t be going straight to bed afterwards because he needed to continue his doctoral research, something he had been neglecting for a few weeks now. But, well, he wouldn’t think of that now.
Gulf turned to face Mew when he heard him enter the shower, a questioning look on his face. “Turn back around, Tua-eng. I’ll take care of it,” said Mew, reaching past Gulf for the shampoo bottle.
Gulf acquiesced, and Mew started to gently massage shampoo through Gulf’s hair. Gulf dipped his head back and closed his eyes, indulging in the feel of Mew’s fingers rubbing his scalp. He welcomed the wonderful tingling sensation that came every time Mew played with his hair. He exhaled deeply.
Mew resumed his ministrations in silence, rincing Gulf’s hair before moving on to his back. Gulf felt guilty for staying quiet for so long, but he didn’t know where to start. He wanted to express that he was fine, disappointed, anxious, tired, grateful, culpable, and joyful all at once, but all these emotions also overwhelmed him, and he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to articulate them without spiralling out of control. The last thing he wanted was for there to be a misunderstanding –– and most of their arguments came from misunderstandings. Still, he would try.
“Mew, I’m sorry.”
Mew stopped abruptly, surprised by Gulf’s sudden soft tone. He thought he misheard: Gulf barely let it out in a whisper. He was also taken aback by Gulf’s direct speech. They were so used to calling each other Phi-Nong for work, it felt a little strange to hear anything else. Mew wasn’t quite sure what exactly Gulf was apologizing for or why he was compelled to say it now, but he could tell that it was coming from a place of uneasiness.
Mew continued to scrub Gulf’s back and stated simply, “We can talk about it later. Right now, relax.”
As Mew tended to Gulf’s shoulders, Gulf reached over to place his hand over Mew’s. Mew paused as Gulf turned around to look at him. “Your turn.”
“That’s not neces--” started Mew, but Gulf interrupted.
“It was a long day for you, too, naa. Come here,” replied Gulf. He continued to hold Mew’s hand, giving a tight squeeze before Mew shifted so that he was now underneath the shower head. He wet his hair quickly and then let Gulf take care of him. It was heaven.
Mew and Gulf continued to shower in contented silence, focusing more on appreciating each other’s presence rather than conversation. Normally, Mew would have been frustrated by the lack of communication, but his current focus was to prioritize Gulf’s needs over his own. Honestly, he was just happy to have Gulf in his arms after today’s events. Finally, after he finished washing, Gulf managed to quickly put on boxers and a t-shirt, and brush his teeth before crawling into bed. Before he knew it, he was asleep.
Mew, despite feeling tired, still had work to do. After he checked up on Gulf, he made himself some green tea and prepared for a long night of studying. He wanted nothing more than to sleep next to Gulf, but he knew that if he got into bed, he wouldn’t be able to focus. All his attention would, instead, be centered on Gulf. So, instead, he was left to sit in his office and start his readings. Mew, in sweatpants and a t-shirt, donned his glasses and headed over to his desk. He gave a deep sigh when he saw all his neglected paperwork scattered around his computer. It was going to be a long night, but at least he would get to sleep in tomorrow.
* * *
Gulf awoke sometime in the middle of the night. He instinctively rolled over towards Mew’s side of the bed and reached out for him, a habit he quickly developed after moving in. Gulf’s hand scanned the area next to him, but he felt nothing. He lifted his head sleepily and opened one eye to find Mew nowhere in sight. In fact, his side of the bed was still made from this morning, meaning that Mew hadn’t come to bed at all. Gulf sat up straight, glancing over at the alarm clock on the bedside table. 1:24 AM.
“Mew?” croaked Gulf, scratching his head.
Gulf’s eyes refused to stay open for more than a few seconds. They felt puffy and heavy, weighed down by fatigue. Gulf rubbed them aggressively and took a few more seconds to gather himself before getting up to search for Mew.
It didn’t take Gulf that long to find Mew; he just followed the lights. When he made it to the office, he saw Mew sprawled out over his desk, his head resting on his arms. Papers were strewn left and right.
Gulf staggered over to Mew’s sleeping form, savoring this private moment; he had Mew all to himself. He looked longingly at Mew’s relaxed form, noticing his fluttering eyelids, his relaxed jaw, and his shoulders moving along with his deep breathing. Gulf’s eyes traced the deep, defined lines of Mew’s ivory biceps, evoking the image of a Greek marble statue, chiseled to perfection. Gulf could hear faint music playing from Mew’s headphones, and he saw Mew’s unmoving hand still holding onto his pen. Gulf couldn’t help but smile at his adorable Khun Phi.
“Tirak, let’s go to bed,” whispered Gulf, shaking Mew gently. He took the headphones out of Mew’s ears and laid them on the desk next to him.
Mew let out a small groan in response, but only moved to reposition his head. Gulf ran his fingers through Mew’s hair. “Phi, let’s go to bed, naaaa,” whined Gulf. He made sure to say it in a cute way, so that Mew would be more inclined to follow.
Mew slowly opened his eyes and blinked a few times. He looked up with a blank expression before returning his gaze back to the paperwork on his desk. He let out a resigned yawn and reached for Gulf.
Gulf didn’t hesitate to lean in, and let Mew wrap his arms loosely around his waist. He patted Mew’s head gently, as Mew dug his face into his stomach. Gulf let out a little chuckle. “Come with me to bed, Boo. I miss you, na guuub.”
Mew pulled back to give a slow nod before rubbing his eyes. “I meant to get more done, but I guess I fell asleep,” he said in-between another round of yawns. “Give me a second, Nong, I’ll just save my files and shut down my computer.”
Gulf waited for his Phi, rubbing his back in the meantime. Gulf didn’t fully remember his dream before waking, but he did notice that Mew’s absence seemed to have transcended the realms of reality and signaled him in his subconscious. He knew Mew hadn’t been next to him. As a result, Gulf was struck with a lingering desire to keep Mew near, as a way to compensate for his disappearance.
Mew noticed Gulf’s clinginess, and he made a noticeable effort to hide this realization. When it came to Gulf’s tenderness, Mew made sure not to call too much attention to it. He was too afraid Gulf would notice and –– for whatever reason –– give up those simple yet meaningful touches altogether. Mew wanted to normalize this kind of affection: show that it was something natural and most certainly welcome, but also subtle. He wanted it to be authentic. Mew was afraid that if he showed too much of a desire to be held, caressed, and touched, Gulf would feel pressured into doing it more to please him, even if that meant it wasn’t fully sincere. That was the last thing Mew wanted.
Gulf, starting to grow impatient, grabbed Mew’s hand and gave a little groan. He started to walk towards the door of the study, tugging gently on Mew’s arm as he finished putting away his things. Gulf’s message was clear: Come on, let’s go.
“I’m coming, Nong, I’m coming. Just give me a few seconds,” rushed Mew, as he quickly finished putting away his papers with one hand, the other still being pulled by Gulf. Narak, narak. So cute, so cute.
When Mew finished, he had barely enough time to turn off the light before he was being dragged towards the bedroom. Gulf tugged at the sheets on Mew’s side of the bed, helping Mew settle in before Gulf scooted in after him. Gulf immediately threw a leg over Mew’s waist and curled into his side, nestling his head in the crook of Mew’s neck. Mew’s arms instinctively wrapped around Gulf, pulling him in closer. Mew let out a deep sigh and closed his eyes, ready to go back to sleep. Gulf had other plans.
“Phi?” came Gulf’s small voice.
“Hmmm?” Mew grumbled.
“I’m ready to talk.”
It took some time for Mew to register Gulf’s words, but when he finally did, one eye popped open to glance over at Gulf. Gulf returned the glance with an innocent look, eyes wide and full, strangely resembling Chopper.
Mew let his head fall back on his pillow and gave a soft groan. “Oh, so now you’re ready.” Gulf nodded slowly. “Okay,” he said, taking a deep breath and pulling Gulf in closer. “Let’s talk.”
Gulf looked down nervously, unsure of where to start. “I’m sorry for not telling you that I wasn’t feeling well... and I’m sorry for getting angry at you the other night when you were asking me questions...” Gulf paused to give Mew a quick look. Mew remained still and tight-lipped, waiting for Gulf to continue. “... and I’m sorry for ignoring you.”
Mew took Gulf’s pause as an opportunity to quickly interject, “What happened at the hospital? You still haven’t said.”
Gulf explained his experience getting tests done, getting an IV for treatment and, well, waiting. He downplayed his condition, explaining that it was “nothing more than being a little tired and dehydrated.”
Mew scoffed in disbelief at his description. “Tua-eng, you passed out.”
Gulf looked away. “I didn’t know it was that bad,” he mumbled.
“Still, you should have told me you weren’t feeling well,” Mew countered firmly.
“You know I can’t just do that, Phi,” argued Gulf. He could hear Mew’s voice gradually become more stern, and Gulf grew more defensive in response.
"Why is it difficult to say you feel sick? That’s all you need to say. ‘Phi, I don’t feel well.’ It really isn’t much.” Mew let out a frustrated sigh.
Gulf was quick to respond. “At the time, I just felt weird. I thought it was something that would pass after a few days.”
Gulf could see Mew preparing his rebuttal, so Gulf gently rested a hand on Mew’s chest and quickly continued. “Don’t start with me, Phi, I know you’ve felt that way at times. When you’re practicing and studying all the time, you don’t have time to take care of yourself like you should, and then I’m the one left worrying. You know that I don’t have a firm grip on my emotions, and half the time, I don’t even realize I’m feeling a certain way.”
Gulf could feel his voice getting harsher with every word. He cleared his throat, turning soft again. Stay calm, he reminded himself. “I didn’t want you to worry. I knew that if I mentioned something to you, you’d tell the team and --”
“Yes! I would! Then you wouldn’t be in the hospital uncon ––”
“Phi! Just...shush!”
A deafening silence ensued, and Gulf immediately regretted interrupting. Mew, nostrils flared and eyes fuming, let out a frustrated huff and looked away. Gulf got up to lean on his elbow and look down at Mew. He reached over to cup Mew’s cheek, gently turning Mew’s face to look at him. Calmly, he said, “Please, just let me finish, and then you can tell me your thoughts. Okay?”
He waited for Mew’s nod, no matter how passive-aggressively it was given, before continuing. “It all escalated so fast. I felt guilty as soon as I yelled at you, but I didn’t know what was bothering me. Then the fact that I was annoyed bothered me even more. I didn’t want to talk to you at the time because I knew that no matter what you said, I would just feel frustrated, and then I would throw all my emotions at you. It all got out of hand really fast. One second, I was trying to tell you I was feeling weird. Next, I was on the floor looking up at you.” Gulf trailed off and Mew stared off into space, remaining still for a long time. Gulf had to prod him with a finger after a minute. “Phi?”
Mew reluctantly wrapped his arms around Gulf again and pulled him closer. Gulf didn’t resist. “How am I supposed to look after you when you can’t even talk to me?”
“You don’t need to look after me --”
“Gulf.”
Gulf looked up to see Mew’s serious look. Gulf gave a sigh of resignation. “I don’t know.”
Mew continued. “Well, we need to figure out something. I’m not going to relive today.” He rubbed Gulf’s belly while deep in thought. “Tua-eng, do you understand that I had to spend most of the day pretending that everything was all right, when in reality, I had no idea what was happening. I only got one text from P’Best telling me that you had left your phone behind and that you were conscious and talking.” Mew’s lip quivered and he couldn’t continue.
Gulf buried his head into Mew’s chest apologetically, and Mew tightened his grip on Gulf. He peppered Gulf’s head with kisses. They stayed comfortably in each other’s arms for a few minutes, giving gentle kisses and touches, making sure the other was still there.
“Maybe we need to think beyond verbal communication,” Mew whispered, brushing hair out of Gulf’s eyes.
“Aow?”
Mew looked down at Gulf’s questioning pout and couldn’t resist leaning in to give a quick peck before explaining. “If something’s wrong, maybe you can let me know without talking. Maybe you can… squeeze my hand three times or something, I don’t know.”
“Should I learn Morse code, Phi?” Gulf chuckled. Mew sulked in annoyance at his answer.
“Okay, okay. Boo, sorry, sorry. Don’t be mad, naaa,” pleaded Gulf in response. After some thought, he nodded in agreement. “I think it’s a good idea. Let’s try it out.”
Mew gave a curt nod and Gulf, trying to ease the conversation, changed subjects. “So tell me, how were the phi phi fans today? What did you talk about?” Gulf moved on his side and shuffled closer to Mew, their bodies brushed up against each other.
Mew rested his arm lazily on Gulf’s waist. “Well, they were obviously worried when I told them you couldn’t make it.”
“... And what did you tell them?” asked Gulf worriedly.
Mew gave a wide, proud smile. “I told them that you had one too many pieces of crispy basil pork and your stomach didn’t handle it well.”
Gulf threw his head back and laughed as Mew poked his poong ka ti.
* * *
Mew had fallen asleep curled up by Gulf’s side. After about an hour of talking things through, Mew eventually drifted off, and Gulf, no longer tired, passed the time observing his Phi. He noticed Mew’s every move, like how he would scrunch up his face every so often and reach out to grab Gulf’s sleeve before falling deeper into his sleep. Mew had mentioned once that when he was a child, he loved the texture of fabrics, and had developed the habit of feeling the material of his stuffed animals while he slept, finding comfort in their softness. Apparently, he still had the same habit two decades later. Mew, in particular, loved clutching the neckline of Gulf’s shirts, unconsciously rubbing the material as he and Gulf slept. Gulf didn’t mind. He thought it was cute.
As he laid quietly next to Mew, being sure to stay still so as to not disturb him, Gulf scrolled through IG and Twitter on his phone, updating himself on the day’s events. His phone had blown up with direct messages, tags, hashtags, comments, and notifications from fans wishing him well. Gulf was touched to read the heartfelt messages, and he made an effort to fight off the guilt that started to creep its way back in as he read every sincere word. For hours, he scrolled and scrolled until his heart was restored.
He felt bad about worrying everyone and decided to upload a photo to his IG story, just as a ‘thank you’ to his fans. The picture was dark, but anyone could still see the faint outlines of his face, smiling underneath the glow of the moonlight peeping through the curtains. He yawned as he did a double check of the photo to make sure there wasn’t anything controversial. He wasn’t shirtless, and nothing in the background gave away his location. He quickly wrote a message:
Thank you for worrying, everyone naaa. I feel much better, na krub. Rested too much so now I’m not sleepy anymore 55555 ❤️ GN
Gulf made sure to keep his usual goofy tone, which always seemed to sit well with fans. After a final glance, Gulf posted. He yawned once more as he rested his phone on the bedside table. He scooted closer to Mew, grabbing his hand and resting it on his chest, rubbing little circles into his palm with his thumb. He exhaled and slowly drifted off to sleep.
Gulf had actually been sleepy, so much so that he didn’t notice the flashes and vibrations coming from his phone, indicating a surge of messages from fans and, more importantly, from his manager. Although Gulf made sure to check his photo before posting, he was too tired to notice the grainy yet familiar outline of a veiny hand in the background, sporting an odd number of rings and gripping Gulf’s shirt. In other words, he was too tired to notice that he had, once again, given a major spoiler. The next day, #MGPFG trended at #1 worldwide on Twitter.