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“Give it up Astra,” Alex breathed. Then, feeling stronger in her conviction and seeing the hesitation in Astra’s eyes, “Help us.”
Although Alex could still feel the weight of Astra’s body against her, pushing her up against the ledge, it was less aggressive. Almost like Astra was merely leaning against her now. It was a subtle shift, one someone else may not have even noticed, but as Astra began to move her head back, just slightly, Alex knew she was right. Astra was questioning her own resolve to follow through with Myriad, now that it was a reality. Alex knew she could get through to her, if she could just navigate the tension of this moment without getting anyone killed.
But just then, right when Alex saw something shift behind Astra’s eyes — a questioning look searching for some kind of reassurance — J’onn landed on the roof directly behind Astra.
“Damn it” Alex swore under her breath as Astra flinched, jarred out of her contemplation.
“J’onn, you need to leave” Alex called out over Astra’s shoulder, hoping to God J’onn would take her seriously. She couldn’t see his reaction as she tried desperately to maintain eye contact with Astra, who, like a scared animal, might attack at any moment if startled. In just their shared look, Alex tried to convey her trust while begging Astra to remain calm, tried to keep Astra engaged and focused on herself rather than J’onn who now posed a threat from behind.
Thankfully it sounded as though J’onn had not come any closer.
“If I leave, I cannot protect you, Alex,” he said, his voice low but still containing a sense of urgency.
Astra slowly backed away from Alex, breaking their eye contact. She glanced to J’onn and then back to Alex, eyes wide with a mixture of wonder and suspicion. Alex could see the tension in her body. Astra seemed confused and unsure how to proceed, which was a dangerous place for her to be. At any moment she might choose to cut her losses, and Alex had no guarantee that all three of them would make it out of the situation alive if she did.
“If you leave now, I won’t need your protection,” Alex countered, shifting her gaze to J’onn, “but if you stay, you might upset the balance. She doesn’t trust you yet.”
Alex heard Astra scoff, though she did not look away from J’onn. She needed him to trust that she knew what she was doing.
“And I suppose you think I trust you ?” Astra questioned, her tone combative once more.
“Oh no, I don’t think. I know.” Alex feigned a confidence she wasn’t sure she truly felt, as she finally glanced back at Astra. It seemed to work, however, because Astra met her gaze, eyes searching.
“I’m serious J’onn,” Alex said, maintaining eye contact with Astra. “You have to trust me on this. Leave us.”
She heard a shift of movement behind Astra and was relieved to see, as she and Astra both looked towards J’onn, that he now stood at ease, his weapon lowered.
“This goes against all of my training and better judgement Alex,” he said seriously, “I hope you understand that.”
“I do. But I also know I’m right.”
J’onn nodded stiffly.
“Thank you,” Alex said, her voice soft, barely above a murmur. She tried to express her gratitude as she held J’onn’s gaze for just a second longer, before he fully holstered his weapon and launched back off the roof, shouting commands into his communications device for the approaching DEO agents to stand down, focus on Non and his men, and avoid the roof.
Alex and Astra stood side by side, frozen, watching J’onn’s ascent back into the night sky. It felt like time had stopped, as they both exhaled a breath of relief. Alex could feel the tension leaving Astra’s body, even as she stood just out of reach.
“So…,” Alex began, when she finally regained her ability to speak. She turned her head to find Astra was already staring at her again. There was something in her gaze that Alex couldn’t quite put her finger on.
“Your commanding officer was right Agent Danvers, you have made a tactical error.”
Had Alex not been looking at her, observing her open, relaxed posture, she may have mistaken it for a threat. But Astra was merely looking at her with curiosity.
“No, I don’t think I did,” Alex breathed, locking into her gaze.
“Why though,” Astra challenged. “You had no evidence that I would not attack. Sending your back-up away was reckless.”
“I’ll give you that one,” Alex chucked, “but I’ve been known to be reckless every once in a while, especially when family is involved.”
“And here I thought we were nothing.” A smile quirked at the corners of Astra’s lips, and her tone was almost playful. But the mirth didn’t reach her eyes, as they instead searched Alex intently.
“I mean…” Alex stumbled over her words, feeling heat rise to her cheeks. Why was she blushing?
“ We ” Alex gestured between herself and Astra for emphasis, “are not. But that doesn’t change that you and Kara are. And Kara is my family. So.” It wasn’t really an explanation, but it was all Alex could manage in that moment. Astra seemed to accept it, at any rate, nodding thoughtfully.
“So, what now?” she asked.
“Well, for starters, you could help me destroy that Myriad transmitter.” Alex gestured towards the device Astra had been attempting to install when she first parachuted onto the roof. Astra followed Alex’s gaze to the electrical box she had abandoned mid-installation. Her expression became strained, and her body tensed.
“I don’t…” she paused, taking a deep breath, “I don’t think I can help you with that.” Then, straightening her posture with more resolve, “In fact, no. I will not do that.”
“Astra!” Alex nearly shouted in exasperation. Astra’s hands had balled up into fists, her arms stiff at her sides, a grimace on her face so dark that Alex could almost feel her teeth grinding together.
“I don’t know what you expect from me,” Astra gritted out.
“I expect you to help us!” Alex threw her arms up in a show of frustration.
“I understand that, and believe me I want to help you.” Astra spoke in soft, measured tones, but Alex could feel the tension building.
“But,” Alex prompted, praying for patience.
“But you have to understand what this all means for me!” Astra cried out, her careful veneer finally shattering. “You cannot even comprehend…!” she started, but then stopped, searching for words. “Imagine, Agent Danvers, for just one moment. Please,” she was almost begging, desperation slipping into her voice.
“Just, imagine that you were expected to just up and destroy your entire life’s work. That you were asked to give up on everything you believed in. And then, not just to leave it , but to actively destroy it. Would you be able to do it?” She demanded, practically yelling at Alex now, as emotions she’d kept so carefully contained for so long ripped out of her throat, and tears stung behind her eyes.
Alex watched the display in growing horror. Of all the ways she had expected this night to go, Astra having a complete breakdown in her presence was not one of the scenarios she had prepared for.
“I… ummm. I mean, yeah I can see how that would suck…” Alex trailed off.
Astra scoffed, muttering “understatement of the century ” under her breath as though Alex could not hear her. Alex rolled her eyes,
“Then again,” she said, “my life’s work would never be an oppressive mind control system meant to enslave the human race into doing my bidding.” So maybe Alex was losing her patience again.
“To save the planet ,” Astra shouted back. “I do not understand how this issue is not more urgent to you, to your people!”
“It is urgent,” Alex argued, “to some people… no, to most people. We are trying. ”
“It is not enough.”
Alex brought the tips of her fingers up to massage her temples. She could feel a headache coming on.
“Can we please not argue about this right now,” she begged. “My people have something much more urgent to be dealing with at the moment, something horrific that you created, need I remind you.”
“And I will not stand in your way,” Astra replied. “If you truly believe Myriad is not the way, I will not stop you from destroying it. But you cannot ask me to do it for you.”
Alex dropped her hands in favor of looking directly at Astra, her face wrought with disbelief and incredulity.
“ Really? That is your idea of helping?”
“No!, this is exactly my point!” Astra cried out, “ none of this was my idea. I am doing this for you . I am removing myself from the equation for your benefit and for Kara. But please, try to understand,” the desperation returned to her voice, “if I destroy Myriad, if I go up against Non and my army, if I destroy that which I have built since the day I landed on this planet, no since long before I was even cast off of Krypton, then what has been the point of my entire life? What do I have to show for all those years of work and struggle? What do I have that will make my estrangement from Alura worth something !”
And that was when it clicked for Alex. When she knew Astra had finally gotten to the heart of the issue, the reason she’d continued to hold onto Myriad so strongly, even once she knew Kara was still alive and wanted her aunt in her life. Astra had clearly not allowed herself to process and mourn Alura’s death. She’d held onto too much anger for that. And whether or not she regretted distrusting Alura’s judgement on Krypton, or their failure to compromise, Astra lacked closure where the destruction of her relationship with Alura was concerned. It seemed clear to Alex that the success of Myriad had somehow become linked to that much needed closure in Astra’s mind. That maybe if Myriad worked, if Astra saved the world, everything that had happened with Alura would have been worth it, and Astra could finally mourn her properly and move on.
Astra looked like she was about two seconds away from breaking, tears threatening to fall, her breathing becoming erratic as the horror of Alura’s betrayal and subsequent death and everything she had done since seemed to finally be hitting her together all at once. Her right hand involuntarily lifted to clutch at her chest as she stumbled backwards into the wall of the ledge she had shoved Alex up against only moments before. Her eyes darted wildly around, in what Alex began to recognize as panic.
“Oh Rao,” she choked out, sobs wracking her body as she slid down the wall onto the ground. “What have I done?”
Alex stood, stunned, a few feet away, watching Astra curl in on herself. She felt like an intruder upon the moment, indecent in her voyeurism, but she couldn’t look away or even move a muscle.
Finally, something snapped into place, and Alex closed the distance between herself and the wall in three quick bounds, allowing herself to collapse onto the ground next to Astra. Without allowing herself to even think about what she was doing or why, she gently gathered Astra into her arms, allowing Astra’s head to rest on her chest.
“Hey, it’s going to be okay. Just breathe.” She didn’t yet know how it would be okay, or what they would do once Astra had recovered, but she couldn’t allow herself to worry about that just now. In that moment, all she could do was hold Astra tight, gently tracing her fingers up and down her back in what she hoped was a calming manor, and whisper meaningless reassurances like “you don’t have to do anything you aren’t ready to do” and “We can do it for you” and “Kara will understand” and “Kara loves you.” But, soon Alex realized that it didn’t really matter what she was saying anyway. Astra was a million miles away and barely aware of Alex’s presence.
Alex didn’t know how long they sat like that, Astra’s head on her chest, body shuddering as she cried and fought to get her breath under control. When she finally spoke, her voice was rough with dehydration, and she coughed into Alex’s chest before managing anything that sounded like words.
“You’re right,” she said quietly, refusing to move her head from where it rested, making it impossible for Alex to see the expression on her face. “I’ll do it.”
Alex let in a shuddering breath, before clarifying gently, “do what?”
It seemed to take all the strength Astra had left to push herself up off of Alex into a more seated position so that she could face her.
“Destroy Myriad, I’ll do it.” Her voice still shook, but was becoming stronger with use. “You’re right. It has to be done. When you said you thought I had doubts, that my heart was no longer in this fight, you were right. For quite some time now, I have feared Non’s ambition and the darker obsessions of many of those who were imprisoned with me aboard Fort Rozz. I had hoped that if I succeeded in asserting my authority as General, that I could combat these issues, but I may have overestimated my own influence, and underestimated the possibility of working with the humans. But Alexandra,” she reached out to grip Alex’s shoulders with both hands,“this will not be the end. I will not give up my cause to save this planet from destruction. I will continue to work tirelessly to find another solution, one that I hope will be more amenable to you and your people. Can I count on your support in this work in the future?” She looked so determined and earnest in that moment that Alex couldn’t help but smile at her, despite the intensity of the moment.
“Of course you can count me.”
“Good,” Astra nodded in relief, a glint of hope shining through her eyes, even as tears still streamed down her cheeks.
In that moment, Astra looked so far removed from the cold and calculating General Alex had come to know, and Alex couldn’t help but reach up to touch her face. She traced her thumb along Astra’s sharp cheekbone, wiping away her tears, while allowing her fingers to run through the hair at the base of her neck.
“I can’t promise the government will not prosecute you to hold you accountable for Myriad,” Alex said seriously. “But I will do everything in my power to advocate for you so that you can begin working towards a better solution.”
“Thank you, Alexandra.”
Alex was relieved to see that Astra had finally stopped crying. She seemed more assured of herself now, but Alex was still afraid to move too quickly.
After another few moments of just sitting there, absorbed in the moment, Astra finally cleared her throat.
“Well, shall we?” she asked, reaching up to remove Alex’s hand from her face.
“Right, yes. Sorry.” Alex began to pull her hand away, but was surprised to realize that Astra was still holding onto it. She paused, giving Astra’s hand a squeeze, before using her other hand to reach out and pull herself up off of the ground with the help of the ledge behind them. Astra followed suit, but still did not let go of Alex’s hand. Instead, she shifted hers slightly so that their fingers interlocked, and began to stride off towards the electrical box, pulling Alex along with her.
“So, we’re doing this together then?” Alex asked, as they halted in front of the abandoned Myriad transmitter.
“Yes. Together,” Astra murmured, turning her head to lock eyes with Alex once more. She apparently found the support and comfort there she needed, because then she bent down and carefully slotted the Myriad transmitter into a hidden compartment of her uniform before finally letting go of Alex’s hand. Alex was about to ask what they should do next when she suddenly found herself encircled in Astra’s (thankfully now steady) arms as Astra launched herself up off the roof, carrying Alex with her as she flew out over National City. Alex wrapped her own arms around Astra’s neck and let out a relieved laugh. There was something so exhilarating about flying, and though she sometimes flew with Kara, and could even fly herself, in a way, with the Kryptonite Suit, she still didn’t get to do it nearly often enough.
While Alex had no idea where Astra was taking her, or how they would destroy Myriad, for the first time in a long time she let her worries slip away, and was content to just look out across the flickering lights of the city below. There was still much work to be done, but this felt like the turn of a page, the beginning of a new chapter, or, simply, a start.