Archive of Our Own

Ander could not get over the influence of the man he had just met. The man's new and actually his first flirt for him.

He had told him of many of his problems, although they had only met a few days ago. He had mentioned that his parents had just gotten divorced, in fact he was afraid that people would see him a gay and die of cancer.

Ander told him all of this in a matter of hours, and he had done none of them under the influence of alcohol or feeling pressured. Moreover, he was not tired. On the contrary, he felt that his soul was relieved a little and cleared of these crushing burdens.

Thanks to him, he easily told his mother that he was sick. It was so difficult for him to do this that he still couldn't believe what he could say.

So much so that even if he and his mother were sitting next to each other in the hospital, he still could not believe that he told her. Even if they came for chemotherapy together.

---

It hadn't been long since she came to the hospital. But Ander's mother noticed that Ander was constantly staring at the phone. There was even a very unlikely Ander smile on his face. She didn't think her son was such an easy person to have fun looking at the phone, or that he was someone he was interested in. So much so that she would be in a hurry to ask why. Until she realized that Omar was approaching them ...

In fact, Ander was the first to realize that Omar was approaching them. When his eyes left the phone for a moment, he noticed that someone was moving inside the door of the department they had entered. Ander didn't think he could be here.

"Hey!" With a big smile on his face, Omar came to Ander and his mother and called out. "Are you glad to see me?"

This question he asked, ignoring that his mother was there, flushed Ander a little.

"I didn't know you were coming here." Ander answered slowly and silently. It was evident from every state that he was ashamed. He didn't know whether it was because his mother was there or because something was naturally moving inside him when he still saw Omar. But it was a little uncomfortable for him to blush so easily.

"I wanted to make a surprise." He said while he still had as broad a smile on his face as possible.

Azucena, on the other hand, felt like she was too much in that area for a moment. Ander's mood had changed after this boy came to them. She could not remember having seen him like this before. He was an introverted boy and also someone who had a hard time expressing his feelings. But her mother understood perfectly well that he was ashamed of his present face.

Then he tried to look at the boy's face. She tried to piece together the fragmented photographs she could think of. She must have seen this boy somewhere before.

"I remember now!" Azucena's exit had cut the talking glances between the two. Azucena was looking at Omar with a broad smile when they both turned to face him. "You brought Ander home that day."

Omar replied to Azucena as Ander nodded to the conversation.

"Yes, I was the one who brought him out of the bar."

As Azucena smiled more, Ander thought that the warmth - sincerity - of these two's conversation could melt. Moreover, they did not know each other.

"Ah ... You know each other, is that so?" Azucena asked.

"Yes!" - "No!" Azucena was shocked when Omar and Ander simultaneously responded. His son said he didn't meet him, but Omar said he did. She was confused.

“I don't understand…” Azucena murmured. She was looking after her son and that boy she had just met.

It was Omar who tried to correct the situation, and Ander had to deal with the rash at that moment.

"He just met me, but I knew him before." With a wide smile still on Omar's face, Ander thought in his mind how he could smile so easily.

"Oh, is that so?" Then Azucena turned to Ander. She wanted to see her reaction. It was clear that her son treated this child differently. But she wanted to see why.

"Yeah. I met him the day I went to thank him."

Despite the words that barely spoke, Azucena heard him well. When another question came back to her mind, she noticed that Omar was looking for a chair to sit on.

"So you came here for Ander?"

Omar knew that the question was to him, so he quickly turned to Azucena. 

"Yes. I wanted to be with him."

Ander wanted to pretend that he wasn't the subject of the conversation, but he couldn't ignore Omar's reply. There was a smile on his face.

And when Azucena saw her son's face that way, she asked.

"What is your relationship now?"

"Flirt!" - "Friend!" Omar and Ander had responded at the same time. Ander couldn't help but react this time. He muttered as he exhaled a strong breath. "No shit ..." He had said rather quietly, especially not to hear his mother.

Again, Omar was the one who tried to sort things out, and Ander was sure that this time the situation could not improve.

"I'm flirting with him. So we're in the stage before we were dating, if that means friendship ... I think we're friends." Omar was still standing as he said this. He didn't find a place to sit, and he was busy with something more serious than finding a place to sit. He was talking to his future mother and was trying to help the boy he was dating to overcome his shyness.

Moreover, he knew well that he did not share much with his family, as he understood from a few days of conversation. Still, he wanted his mother to know about Omar. In this way, he could see Ander even more often. He could easily come to chemotherapy, maybe even go home. Omar didn't know that he could dream so easily.

"So, you're gay too." Although Azucena hesitated for a moment, she asked this by taking advantage of Omar's relaxed behavior.

Omar easily said he was gay. He said he was flirting with his son. He knew that if he said a few more things, he would either die of embarrassment or kill him. So he tried to keep his mouth shut.

"Then let's meet you properly." And when Azucena stood up a few minutes later, he extended his right hand to Omar. "I am Azucena. I am Ander's mother." Ander passed it through. He already knows that ...

"I'm Omar. You can easily hand over Ander to me." While Azucena laughed strongly at the response, Ander wanted to get underground. But still, his mother was laughing so comfortably that it was a relief to him.

---

Azucena had to leave Ander and Omar alone after a while. Omar actually wished that had happened before, but suddenly he didn't think he could do anything to get his mother out of there.

"I really wonder if you are too brave or idiot." Ander said without looking at Omar.

"What?" Omar answered with a laugh.

"How could you say that to my mother?" Ander stirred rapidly from his seat. He actually did this to get a little closer to Omar's face and speak in a low voice. Until then it was as if he had forgotten the thin tube that was attached to his arm. The effect on this boy was astonishing.

"Did I say something wrong?" Omar replied, trying to appear innocent - indeed, according to Ander, quite innocent.

Ander continued to speak as he leaned back in his seat. He thought he was uncomfortable with those conversations. But the more he thought about it, the more Omar seemed to make things easier for the future.

"What will I say if my mom says it's weird to be dating someone I just met?"

"But I know you."

These conversations turned into a game in which Omar was playing the fool. Though Ander thought he was uncomfortable with them several times, he knew he liked it very much. He also had these conversations over the phone.

In addition, what seemed most pleasing to him was that at that moment there was someone who liked him, was interested in him and played a very much in love role with him. He didn't believe he could stay angry, or be angry.

"Don't be too daring with my mom, though." he said in a gentle voice, again without looking at Omar.

"Okay!" He could see that Omar was smiling broadly enough to think of his face being light.

Ander's face blushed with the sentence that came to his mind. Moreover, it was unbelievable that he had experienced these a few minutes ago.

"I still can't believe it! You told her 'You can easily hand over Ander to me.'"

Omar was still smiling innocently. Ander could have sworn that there was really a light emanating from him.

"When you will be with me, I had to say so that you won't use your mother as an excuse. I don't want to be a barrier between us."

Even though Ander knew how much he liked what he heard, he still remained true to his realistic side. And he muttered.

"You know, there's a huge barrier between us right now. It's a barrier like cancer."

He thought this might demoralize Omar. Although the words came out of his mouth easily, he did not feel comfortable saying this. He could fade the smile on his face.

But that didn't happen.

He was still smiling broadly. He was still shining.

"I know. I also know we will get over it."

Ander thought about how comfortable the peace filled with him at that moment made him feel. On the one hand, he wished he could spend a lifetime by being exposed to his light.

###

One of Ander's weekday activities for the past few weeks was going to Omar's place of work. The only problem was that the place where Omar worked was a bar.

Ander knew well that he could not drink as much alcohol as before, but it was impossible to follow this rule by going to a bar almost every day. And Omar soon realized this.

He was careful to bring special, non-alcoholic beverages for Ander every day to his venue, which has almost no soft drinks. He could have asked Ander to do this, but he didn't want him to be grumpy. And this was one of the few things he's learned in the last few weeks. Ander was easily cranky.

So much so that Omar's little attention to him that day seemed to bother him a lot.

"Hey, you don't get bored without me, do you?" Omar asked. At the first empty moment, he went to Ander.

You only had to know a little about Ander to understand that he was sullen and to know that he didn't like being alone that much. Especially for Omar, almost every evening, he couldn't be content to be alone while coming there.

"Are you not bored of working here every night?"

Omar never expected this question, which came at the speed of light. It was normal for Ander's to be cranky, but this question was the first for them. It was the first sign that they weren't spending enough time with each other. No matter how much Ander came to Omar's workplace in the evenings, no matter how much Omar tried not to leave Ander alone during his chemotherapy sessions ... it could not be said that they still had enough time.

"The money I get from here is barely enough for me, Ander." Desperately, Omar answered Ander's question. Trying to look comfortable with a bitter smile on his face.

"I'm not talking about your work… But…" Ander continued to speak, a little embarrassed by what he thought. "Aren't you the one who wants to be dear to me? Shouldn't we spend more time together?" Ander was sure his face was blushing now.

Omar was surprised how Ander should feel by what he said. There was an expression of surprise on his face. Inside is a crazy happy man. And when the man's happiness finally reached his face, he reached out to Ander's face.

He approached his face as he caressed his left cheek. Ander's red face was now blazing when he left a tiny kiss on his right cheek.

"You know I'm totally free this weekend."

Omar had taken care not to get too far from Ander's face while saying this. Even this tiny distance between them was useless.

"Then what are you waiting for to properly make an offer?" Ander said sullenly. In fact, he thought about how much he liked to hear - feel - Omar's breath through his mind.

"You are right." Omar responded with a big smile. "How about going out with me this weekend, sir?" Ander was silent for a few seconds. So much so that suddenly everything seemed silent. The voice of the human community, the sound of glasses and bottles crashing together, the sound of music ... It all seemed silent. He and Omar ... Even just Omar's voice. Only that could be heard. Omar thought, frightened by his silence, that he was asking the wrong thing. Although only a few seconds ago, Ander was cranky by hinting that they were spending little time together.

"Did you give up?"

"No, no." Ander felt he had to react immediately because he thought he was misunderstood. Clearly, when he answered Omar's last question, he knew it was time to answer his other question. "Of course I'll go out. For a moment I thought you would never ask."

Omar, laughing, left a kiss on Ander's right cheek again. This time he waited a long time. He inhaled his scent. Although he told himself that he could stay there for a long time by doing this, he had to distance himself from him when he heard that voice telling him to return to work. He touched his cheek one last time. "I'll come again." he said and walked away from Ander.

###

Ander had to get ready and out very quickly that day. Today was his first lonely and free days with Omar. No chemotherapy, no job. Ander had a beating heart, looking forward to seeing Omar. Omar had a heart that went mad imagining what he would do with Ander.

That day was dedicated to being their first peaceful day.

They were not going to tell each other's likes or dislikes by texting on the phone. Or Ander would not throw away Omar's enthusiasm by reminding him that he had cancer every time.

That day must have been the first time they were not affected by anything.

When Ander left the house, his mother knew, even if he didn't say it anymore. He was going to meet Omar. Ander was delighted that this was a natural routine his mother knew, and he didn't have to make a constant statement.

It was difficult to convince his mother at first, especially when he went to place of Omar's work. He thought that Ander could not stand and he drink, and she was perfectly right to worry about it. Ander had a great soft spot for drinking. However, it was replaced by a new weakness. Although Ander was still aware of his weakness, his mother was sure of it. And ever since his mother saw this, he did not have to go through a special begging session to get to place of Omar's work.

Finally, Ander was the first to arrive where they had planned for a meeting. Although his arrival first made Ander a little uncomfortable at first - because bad thoughts in his mind meant that Omar was not eager to meet - he immediately remembered. Omar told him that he was being very lethargic on the weekends and maybe a little late. As soon as Ander remembered this, he couldn't help but smiled. He was really getting to know him.

---

The first thing they did that day was to sit in a cafe and drink the new coffee that Omar offered to Ander.

Omar had praised the coffee so much before entering the cafeteria that Ander thought he had had enough. "It has a good taste, it has a nice fragrance, you will love it!"

However, when he actually drank the coffee, he realized that his palatal delights were not quite alike.

He was hesitant at that moment to say this, but after a few sips he realized he could no longer stand this coffee.

When he poured the coffee he had taken into his mouth like spit into the glass, he spoke.

"I can't drink anymore. If I drink a little more, I'll vomit."

Omar asked, out of understanding.

"What? Do not you like it?" He was continuing to drink coffee very comfortably.

"I told you I don't like sugary things. It's not even coffee ... It's just sugar."

Omar replied with a sly grin.

"I wondered how much you could drink for me."

Ander spoke as he leaned back gruff in his chair.

"Are you kidding me?"

Omar was still grinning. But on the other hand, he was not getting off his strange innocent side.

"No. I wondered how much you would drink this for me. And whether you would lie."

"Huh? You were testing me?"

Omar let out a mischievous laugh. Then he nodded to Ander's question.

"You took three sips for me."

"Two!" Ander strongly opposed. It's a childish demeanor, but he liked it that way. "Also, what if I throw up because of this coffee?"

"You'll be testing me too." Omar spoke as he sipped the coffee that Ander could not drink. "Besides, I'm used to it, remember?" Omar said this by emphasizing the night when Ander got drunk and fell asleep at the bar. On the one hand, he winked at Ander.

"You see it when I throw up on you all day, asshole."

Despite Ander's grumpy accusations, Omar still had a smile on his face. It was going to be one of those naughty games.

---

Ander could not find words to express how good the day was for him. His face, which did not smile often, was constantly radiating. There was no need for him to suppress himself next to him, this was immediately obvious to him.

He also believed at the time that there was a strange bond -like hips- between them.

Their tastes were a little - sometimes a lot - different for him. But at one point they both managed to combine those differences.

They seemed to split the day after Omar had decided where to go first. Ander decided on the movie they were going to watch, Omar to the shops they would go around, and Ander to eat the food ... But it was a situation that happened without the intervention of either of them. They listened to what each other wanted and remained loyal.

Ander was not someone who often had fun, especially if he could spend a long time with his friends. But this boy, whom he wanted to be a lover of, seemed a bit active and like someone who likes to live life vividly. He is someone who gives Ander vitality… So Ander had no trouble adjusting to him. As long as he had moments with him that he felt alive until today, he could let himself go into his harmony.

---

Their days were spoiled by Ander's dizziness just before they got home in the evening.,

Ander had experienced this for the first time that day. He had many things to go through while undergoing chemotherapy. Still, he did not want to experience this in human beings, besides Omar.

They were coming out of the place where they were eating when the dizziness stumbled him. Omar was just a few steps away from him and had already started talking. Ander felt that the voices had stopped. He felt that Omar's voice was also cut off. He doesn't care about the crowd, the music, the noises of cutlery. Omar's voice was silenced.

And after those voices ceased, a blackout appeared in his eye. He fell on his knees as soon as that blackout appeared.

There were no human voices. There was no need for human voices. But his voice was there. Right next to him. It's not just his voice. Skin. He was touching him. He was shaking him and trying to make him recover.

Ander did not know that these touches were so soft. Healing touches.

"Are you okay? Ander? Say something! Are you okay?"

Finally, Ander had the strength to answer himself and muttered.

"I'm fine. Just a little dizzy."

Ander heard Omar let out a deep breath. He heard that exhalation while not hearing any of the small crowd around him and any of the questions that came up. He had seen how relieved he was. And at that moment he thought that maybe he was hurting him. Although he thinks so ... Although he thinks this ... His arms are in his body, his hands are in his face; had not experienced such a comfort before; It was just a proof that he would not let go — how much he needed him.

"You scared me." Omar thought it sounded like a crying human voice as he helped Ander rise with a strange voice. But he wished it was an illusion. The field of view was still unclear. He had to get into Omar's arms. And without having to say this, Omar supported him. He spoke when he hugged her body tightly. "I thought we could walk home, but I'll call a taxi. Do you mind?"

"No." Ander spoke in a whisper. His head was on Omar's left shoulder. "Thank you."

In an instant, this little expression of gratitude turned into a smile on Omar's face.

"You should have said that when we got to your house, when I put you at the door. 'Thank you for today.'"

Ander knew he could be grateful as long as he saw that smile. And the same smile spread across his face.

"Then too, I will do."

###

Ander was bored when he stayed home for a long time anymore. This was one of the new things that entered his life with Omar. While he used to be alone at home for a long time, he was easily bored now.

It became even more compulsory for him to stay at home after his illness. For Ander, staying home was never a problem. But he had something -someone- that he didn't have in his life before he got sick. And he didn't want to lose it -him-.

While his body thought that getting out was nothing more than a torment, Ander did not think he could go through a few more days without seeing him - without this torment.

When he went to the bar, it was not difficult to see Omar. He was in the same place almost every time he went. Ander felt he enjoyed being used to it, too.

But he saw Omar joking with customers - at least Ander was sure they were customers. Again, this was not the first time for him. But it wasn't something he was used to.

Omar could always do this kind of thing with every person. He could easily talk to them and make friends with them. Ander initially thought this feature was a good feature. No matter how much the scene he saw at that moment turned into a cramp in his stomach.

And soon Ander was in Omar's field of vision. He sat on one of the chairs near the bar table but far from Omar.

As Omar did not expect this from Ander, he immediately moved away from the group he joked with to go to Ander.

"Hey!" He saluted with his usual vivacious demeanor. "I thought you wouldn't come today."

"Why you thought that?" Ander had asked without understanding what Omar was referring to. There was nothing in his mind except the sight he had seen a few minutes ago.

"Azucena said you weren't fine after yesterday's chemo." Ander shifted a little in his chair. He leaned herself back. He put his hand in the pockets of his jacket, on which he needed warmth. He continued to speak with a sarcastic glance at Omar.

"So are you meeting with my mom?"

Omar chuckled a little. Ander's sarcastic demeanor liked it a little. This was a sign of one of his sudden mood swings. His sullen face suddenly changed when he entered the bar. Although Omar thought it was not his effect, Ander knew it was his cause.

Omar moved closer to the bar table. He put his hand on his chin and laid the elbow of his arm on the table. And he started talking.

"I'm talking to her on the phone. After all, I'm going to a son for her."

Ander burst into laughter, full of Omar's word.

"My mom said that?"

Omar replied as he grinned.

"No. But it will be so."

Ander continued to laugh at Omar's last sentence for a few more seconds. It was not difficult for his sudden mood swings to find him. Suddenly, the expression on his face changed and became serious.

Omar saw the change instantly, and the smile on his face had shrunk a little.

Ander began to speak in a somewhat timid manner.

"Did you call my mom for me?"

Omar nodded to him. "I didn't want to bother you. When you didn't reply to my messages, I knew you weren't good."

“Still…” Ander continued in a low voice. "You should have called me if you were worried about me, idiot."

Omar had seen Ander's demanding moods. But this time he liked it more.

"I'll do it like that next time." Again, when a big smile spread across his face, he answered.

Ander didn't like how easy it looked, no matter how much he liked that smile. He didn't realize what a jealous man he had turned into.

"Also…" he spoke suddenly louder. "Stop giving everyone a smile." When he finished his sentence, his face turned red.

"Everyone?" Omar couldn't understand. He didn't really understand.

"Yes, everyone." Ander answered again, raising his voice. But he couldn't fix his gaze on Omar. Again there was a timidity somewhere. "If you can laugh like that with everyone, what difference do I have?"

Omar discovered a new side of Ander, which he loved very much. Jealousy. When he smiled even more, he answered.

"You were the only person I couldn't laugh or talk that way, Ander. That was your difference."

Ander didn't think he would get an answer so easily. He didn't even think he could get an answer. But he could not express his pleasure with the answer he heard. He was extremely satisfied. Still, he continued to speak without showing it.

"Well! Don't joke so much with others anyway." He lowered his voice. "You look like you're flirting from outside."

"OK!" Omar couldn't help but smiled.

###

One of the things that took Omar's tiredness during his working days was Ander's sleeping face.

Ander was resting his head on the bar table and soon fell asleep. He didn't have to drink or do anything else. He closes his eyes and falls asleep after a few minutes when the music becomes inaudible in his ears.

Omar enjoyed it immensely, but when Ander did this, he understood that he was tired and had to go home.

It was one of those days again.

Ander was resting his head on the bar table and he slept like nothing. The crowd around, the sound of music piercing the human ear; none of them were cared for by Ander.

And at such moments, Omar turned into a mischievous child. At first he thought he could awaken it by touching his head. Because in the first days of such events, Ander reacted immediately. Without being exposed to the drink, Ander's body reacted immediately, as unaccustomed to someone else's touch.

But today it was not like that.

When Omar wrapped his hand in Ander's hair a little more, he realized that this way he would not wake him up. Ander almost jumped when he suddenly hung on one of Ander's little curls.

"What the fuck?!"

Omar was looking at him with a naughty smile on his face.

"Good morning. Or ... If I said good night?"

"Are you waking me like this? Shit." Ander spoke when he put his hand to his hair gruffly.

"Would you prefer me to wake you up by kissing?"

Ander muttered as Omar laughed at what he said.

"Jerk."

And Ander focused on the pain that went into his neck after some point. Although he tried not to reveal how much he was hurting, it didn't take long for Omar to understand.

"You see? Your neck hurts." Ander did not know if he liked this man's observation to be so strong. "If you continued to sleep here a little longer, you would have to go to the doctor because of stiff neck."

"There are better ways of waking people, Omar."

"You will teach me one day." The smile on Omar's face never diminished. That way, Ander could not stay angry with him for long, but he could be mean.

He got up slowly from his chair and turned to Omar while he was busy putting the jacket on his arms. "Then I'll go home."

"Bye bye." Omar said while waving his hand.

When Ander put on his jacket, he was on his way to the exit. However, with the thought that came to his mind, he spoke while still looking at Omar.

"Won't you see me off?"

"How?" Omar asked, stating that he did not understand.

"Won't you take me out?" Ander asked in a louder and angry manner.

Omar thought he loved this version of Ander, who behaved just like a child.

"Do you want me to take you out?" He replied mischievously.

"If you're fall in love with me take some responsibility, idiot."  Ander was already on his way to the exit when he thought he could not continue these talks any longer.

"Wait for me baby. I'm taking responsibility." Omar shouted as he ran to catch up with him.

###

Again, weekdays were one of the days when Ander went to place of Omar's work.

There was a special reason for him to go to him today. Fear of a few strands falling off his head, then the fear of going to the curls of his hand, and the fear that he will now completely drop his hair.

Again, this was a situation he avoided expressing to his mother. In fact, he wasn't telling this specifically to his mother. He wasn't telling his mother because he knew he wouldn't be comfortable if he didn't tell him first. The effect on this boy was greater than anyone else's.

When he entered the bar, the first thing that came to his mind was to find an empty space and wait for Omar to find him. Because he still had to think about how he would articulate it and what would happen next. But he decided that it was easier to find Omar directly, as he thought that this could prolong the time and you could get scared and run away.

He stood in hiss usual place. Finding had been easier than he thought. And again he greeted Ander with his bright smile. Moreover, there was another reason for this lively air on him today. Ander would say it when he got close to him.

"Hey! You came just in time, you know?" When Ander stepped in his face to greet him, Omar kissed his side quickly. "I'm going out early today. We could go to my house together. You wanted to see it, right?"

"Yes, I wanted to see it." No matter how hard Ander tried to put a smile on his face, he couldn't it. And Omar understood this very easily. He knew he was depressed from seeing him for only a few seconds. Finding someone who knew himself so well, and for such a short time, was a distant dream for him. Like a dream that will never come true ...

"Got a problem? You're doing a long face."

While Ander really wanted to smile at what Omar said, he couldn't it again. He was able to give a broken smile.

"When did you see my face laughing?"

"While you greet me." This response to Ander was shocking. "Besides, I understand. There is a problem."

"I don't really know if I like it or not."

"From what?" Omar really directed his questioning glances to Ander. On the one hand he was worried.

"You know me so well." His direct eyes were on Omar. Then he hardly turned his eyes away. He smiled. "I'm not sure if I like it or not. But ... It's like ... I'm used to it."

"Ander, can you bring your face closer to me?" Omar said before he swallowed. He could not approach because of the bar table standing between them. That's why he asked him.

Ander's body seemed to be automatically activated after Omar's words. He spoke as he brought his face closer to him as he said. "What happened?"

The rest was very fast.

Omar's left hand went to Ander's neck to close the tiny distance between them. When Omar put his lips together with his, Ander felt at first a slight astonishment, but when he felt he was instantly responding, he didn't regret what he did. He thought he had made the mistake of not closing his lips until today.
Moreover, his kisses only brought his lips together. Omar was still unsure if he could stand the continuation.

And when he slowly separated his lips from Ander's, he leaned his forehead against his.

"I just wanted to kiss you." He had an embarrassed and mischievous smile on his face. "Did you like it?"

"You made felt me like I'm really breathing." Omar's hand was parted on Ander's neck. Their foreheads and faces, which were very close to each other at a very short distance, were likewise distant.

"So you liked it." Omar had a very big smile on his face. How beautiful the lips Ander had just kissed looked.

"If you want to be lovers, you should have done that before. I don't understand you sometimes." He said as Ander's had a slight rash on his face.

"I thought about doing it after you told me you fell in love with me."

Ander was finally able to sit on a chair while Omar put his right hand to his chin.

But the atmosphere at that moment was not haunted by the thought of why Ander was there. Someone called Omar and he left Ander to look there.

Ander still wasn't comfortable singing it. And he totally forgot about it while they were kissing. What if his hand went to his hair ... What if his hair fell into Omar's hand ...

---

"Won't you tell your problem anymore?" Omar asked Ander while he was preparing drinks for his new customers.

Ander was staring absently at the drink Omar gave him. It looked like a kind of fruit juice, but Omar's juices had a strange sourness ever since he learned that Ander didn't like sugar. Ander had never asked what was put into this juice or how it was made. But somehow it was obvious that it wasn't ready.

Ander didn't know he was willing to keep his mind busy even to think about it.

"Omar ... You know what can happen to people with cancer, right?"

Omar almost felt that he would drop as he handed the beverage he prepared to his customers. Suddenly your strength in your hands and legs decreased.

"What is that mean?"

"I think my hair is falling out." Ander said when he involuntarily put his hands on his hair.

His eyes met in a very short time with Omar's. And he saw the slight fogging in his eyes. Although regret spread all over his body, the only thing he could do now was to let Omar himself completely.

"A few days ago I noticed it on my pillow. But I didn't care. After all, without my hair…" he swallowed. He swallowed the last sentence and could not continue. Then he took a strong breath. "Then today my hand went to my hair and it's falling out, Omar. I know it needs to be cut, but I couldn't have someone else do it. Can you help me?"

Ander felt the voices disappear again. He felt the sound of the crowd, sound of music, sound of glasses and bottles turn to silence. He just needed his voice. He could only hear his voice.

"Let's do it when we get to my house." his voice, however determined, was Omar's voice, for Ander, almost like the voice of someone about to cry.

---

Ander didn't feel happy enough, even though he was going to Omar's house for the first time that evening.

Even the moment Omar opened the door of his house and walked inside, he still kept his lively demeanor. Somehow Ander continued to be lively enough even after he told him that he had lost his hair. Ander, while questioning within himself whether this was a burden, decided he should never have told him that.

"You can relax as if you are in your own home."

Even though Ander understood the sarcasm in his words, he was sure that he didn't even have enough energy to respond.

"Is this clearly an offer?" He took off his jacket and hung it on the hanger at the entrance, just like Omar. Omar had already left himself on the couch and was busy laughing at Ander's reply.

"Why not?" Omar continued to speak as Ander sat in the empty space Omar had left on the couch. "We can make this place at your house."

"Exactly when?"

Ander knew they were playing one of those naughty games. And he really loved it.

"Whenever you want." Omar approached Ander's face. He easily palmed his face between his two hands. He continued to speak when he left a kiss on his lips to show he was hungry. "We can do it right now, for example."

Although Ander felt in his mind - in his heart - that he wanted to be embraced by him at that moment, his fatigue had taken over his body completely. Both mental fatigue and spiritual fatigue took over his body.

"Omar ..." Omar understood the moment he heard his name, that the time was not then. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry now?" Although Omar took his face away from Ander, he did not want to remove their bodies. He put his head on Ander's left shoulder and wrapped his arms around his waist. "We'll do it another time, after all, right?"

Ander answered with a slight chuckle. "Yes, we will do it another time."

"Besides, I don't want to do it without saying that you love me." Ander thought it was a terrible lie, but it was a beautiful lie.

---

Omar had checked several times that the shaver was fully charged. He even checked it more than a few times.

He wanted not to hesitate for a moment while cutting Ander's hair, but to do it fast as soon as possible. Because he didn't know how strong he could stay while doing this. Strong. Reckless. Lively. He didn't know how long he would behave like that.

"Are we ready now?" The fact that the person asking this was Ander was one of the things that made the environment strange. He wasn't supposed to make him feel guilty. It was not supposed to cause him pain ...

Omar still couldn't believe it. He could not believe that the man, whose eyes he could not take, would cut his hair, which he couldn't take his eyes off, with his own hands. He couldn't believe that the man was sitting in his bathroom right now. He could not believe that the man had trusted him. He couldn't believe that the man could love him.

Life had never passed faster for him than these few months. He had never passed by thinking he was so full of emotion and never so helpless. And in the end he never even thought that a moment - a man - in life could come when he thought he could enjoy so much.

Life had turned into a nightmare dream for him. He was able to reach out to the most beautiful good among evil deeds. And finally he had really reached someone. He already knew he could endure a few little things for him.

"I'm the one to ask this." Omar easily ran his hand between Ander's curls. But he hesitated to pull back. His hands were still in Ander's hair.

He leaned over his face without taking his hands off her hair. She was leaning over to see what expression she had on her face. And at that moment she never expected to see a smile.

He seemed to understand.

"I'm ready."

Omar did not like that the person who was not ready at the moment was himself. How could he stand next to him if he couldn't even do it that easily? Why was he standing next to him if he couldn't smile at something that easy?

And the last minute thoughts, tears in his eyes were too much for him.

He didn't think. He dipped his nose into Ander's hair and inhaled the scent. He could not find the words to describe this. He just muttered. "You smell so good."

Ander's smile broke down and almost regretted putting the burden on him. However, he preferred to be complimented by Omar without feeling guilty. You smell so good ... He never knew that someone would bring his feelings as easily as he did. Perhaps Omar would change this feature of him as well.

Omar said; "Let's do it." Ander heard it. But when he heard his voice, his hearing the shaver sound was one. He heard two sounds at the same time. In a brief moment.

Omar was so desperate that he thought his hiccups could be turned off by the sound of the shaver. It was not difficult for him to stay strong - try to strong. But at that moment he was confident that their voices would mingle and disappear. If he knew that the only thing Ander heard was his voice, he would have been more careful.

He didn't know. The only sound reaching Ander's ear were Omar's hiccups. While not as loud as a shaver, loud enough for Ander to hear. Loud enough for Ander to notice. 

For Omar, these hiccups were quiet enough. But not for Ander.

For Ander, the sound of the shaver had disappeared, he just listened to Omar. He didn't mind the grains of hair spilling from his head. He never closed his eyes. No matter what emotion he feels at that moment. He wanted something to be engraved in his mind. His hiccups ... 

---

Everything seemed normal when Ander stood opposite Omar. Ander was just staring at his new head, Omar was holding Ander's shoulders with both hands. He had his chin placed between Ander's shoulder and neck, and this image made everything feel normal. It's like Ander just got his hair cut. And when that big smile on Omar's face was there, it was hard to believe the voices from a few minutes ago.

They were looking into each other's eyes in the mirror.

"How do I look?" Ander's voice was a little tired. It was very calm and serene.

"Just as I guessed ... You look beautiful."

"In this way?" Ander asked with his eyebrows raised. They were still looking at each other in the mirror.

"In every way. You are beautiful in every way." When Omar now focused himself on the scent he was taking from his neck, he involuntarily closed his eyes.

Ander started one of those mischievous games when a smile resembled Omar's.

"A man is not called beautiful."

"Who says such things?" Omar responded instantly.

"Some people."

Omar's voice was heard giggling slightly. A sound that penetrates Ander's heartbeat.

"They also say a man can't fall in love with another man, right?"

"Was that a love confession?" Ander asked slyly. Omar's eyes were still closed. He was trapped by the smell of Ander's neck.

"I do not know." Omar answered with a pursed lips. "Would you like it to be a love confession?" His eyes were wide open as his smile widened. To see the reaction on Ander's face.

"Yes." It was a whispering acceptance. Ander was just keeping up with their verbal tricks. To these naughty talk games. He had also decided to be honest, knowing that Omar was better at this than him. He was clearly an awful liar. But he did not know how this acceptance was perceived by Omar.

He could only feel Omar's nose more closely on his shoulder.

"Then you can think of it as a love confession."