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Shouta Aizawa sat on his bed, a book in his hand that was only made visible due to the sole lamp that rested on his nightstand. He was planning on going to sleep soon, having been exhausted from the day’s training with his students, but he figured there was no harm in finishing the chapter he had started that morning. What could he say? It was a good book, and it was no one else’s business what he did in his spare time or how much it damaged his eyes to do so.
Well, that was true for the most part, he supposed. He was expecting a secret guest to creep into his room to spend the night with him, which made reading in the dark that person’s business. Hopefully, he would finish the chapter before his solitude was interrupted, not wanting to be left on an unintentional and very much unwanted cliffhanger yet again.
On that note, he wondered what time it was, figuring it must be really late if there was no longer any light poking its ugly head through his window. Checking his alarm clock next to the lamp, he saw it was nearing midnight, resulting in his eyes hurriedly returning to his book. His guest would be here soon.
Reading through the next few pages of his novel, he wondered what they would do tonight. Would they sit side by side in a comfortable silence letting hours pass by without exchanging words? Would he lay down his book and engage in a sweet conversation about this and that, perhaps leading in the pair of them cuddling? Or could it be that his partner would need to blow off some steam underneath the covers with him? Maybe he would allow that last one, but it definitely wasn’t on his mind at the moment.
That was when he heard the familiar sound of shuffling feet coming to a stop right outside his door. Flipping forward in his book, he found that he only had a few more pages to go before he would reach the next chapter. Perhaps he could just finish it in his lover’s company. If not, he would finish it along with the next chapter tomorrow. However, when he saw the tender smile on Toshinori’s tired face in the doorway, he knew that there wouldn’t be as much distraction as he had once thought.
Toshinori stepped into the room and silently closed the door behind him, a novel in one hand and some folded clothes in the other. Shouta smiled softly at him as he made his way to him, kissing his lips when he leaned down. Yep, tonight was definitely not going to be one full of squeaking bed frames and muffled moans, and that was more than fine with both of them. Shouta was also sure that the teachers that slept near his dorm room would be happy to know there would be silence from them tonight.
After being led to the bed by his host who was already back under the covers, Toshinori placed his book on the bed before gesturing to the pyjamas in his hand. “I will be right back.”
Knowing that Toshinori was going to go to his bathroom to get changed, Shouta lowered his own book that he had picked up again to his lap, closing it on his thumb as his eyes met his lover’s. “You’re allowed to get dressed out here, you know. It doesn’t bother me in the slightest.”
Toshinori shrugged and Shouta frowned. Toshinori always brought his pyjamas in here to get dressed so no one would see him in them on his way to the room. He claimed that he didn’t want any students to potentially see him wearing them in case that would make them uncomfortable, so Shouta let him do as he pleased. However, Toshinori never changed in front of him, well, not his shirt at least. The pants and boxers had never been an issue, having had to remove them to have sex, but even in those more intimate and physical moments, Toshinori insisted on keeping his shirt on.
Shouta knew it was because Toshinori was insecure about how his torso looked now in his weakened state, but whenever it was brought up, it was typically shut down quickly. Contrary to what others would have probably suspected, that didn’t stop him from trying.
“It’s not like I haven’t seen you before,” Shouta added. “Or it, for that matter.”
Toshinori was in a relatively good mood as proven by the simple shake of his head. “I still would prefer to get dressed in the washroom.”
“Baby, it doesn’t gross me out or make me uncomfortable.”
“Maybe not, but it makes me uncomfortable.”
“... Alright, then.”
With a quick nod and awkward silence, Toshinori made his way over to the bathroom to get dressed, leaving Shouta by himself. He never wanted to make the former feel bad or weird around him, but he didn’t like how much his man hated his body. Sure, if that same searing scar stained his skin, he would probably feel the same way, except Toshinori with his unfair ability with words of sincerity would most likely help him through that. All he needed to figure out was how to do the same for Toshinori.
When Toshinori came out, he folded his dirty laundry and placed the articles of clothing on the floor next to the bed. Shouta said nothing about it, knowing that he would take them back to his room the next morning. For now, he picked up his book and got under the blanket, settling against the pillow and backboard before pecking his boyfriend on the lips. Pulling away, he sent the Shouta a tired smile.
“So, how was class today?” Toshinori asked, clearly trying to lift the atmosphere in the room from what it was mere moments ago. As he spoke, he opened the book to where his bookmark stuck out, indicating what page he was on. “I’ve heard from Young Midoriya that everyone was ready for bed afterwards.”
Happy for the distraction, he nodded. “Everyone is going at their own pace with their quirk training, but I encouraged them to try to push themselves today, even if it was only slightly. I think it’s safe to say they all worked extra hard and have well deserved the leisure time they’ll get this weekend.”
Toshinori let out a light chuckle. “Sometimes I fear you push them too hard.”
“Well, that’s the price that comes with them becoming heroes, isn’t it?”
“I suppose so.”
Toshinori yawned, his eyes downcast on the book in his hand. Shouta thought that he was going to say something else with how his mouth opened, but it closed shortly after. In the end, he yawned again and placed the piece of literature on the pile of clothing on the floor, using his now free hands to stretch out his sore muscles. Shouta had almost forgotten that he was still working out and helping Midoriya with his quirk, as well as whatever else he felt he needed to do to keep himself busy. The thought of that made Shouta feel uneasy because he didn’t want the retired hero to end up hurting himself more than he already had, however, he couldn’t blame Toshinori for wanting to still do those things.
He figured it was hard to accept when you had to give up everything you spent your life trying to achieve due to something as trivial as age, but it had to be done. Shouta also knew that with Toshinori’s aging, he would be thinking back on his life regarding the good and the bad, his dreams and regrets of the past. There was a great reflection awaiting his lover and he didn’t want his scar to be one of the things he regretted hiding. Before he was to die, Shouta wanted to make sure that Toshinori felt good about himself and was happy with how he looked. That was the least the number one hero of so many years deserved before the inevitable came and took him away.
Such morbid thinking marked his face with a frown and furrowed eyebrows, causing Toshinori to reach over him and place his book on the nightstand, pulling him onto his chest in a cuddle. He couldn’t help but smile at the thoughtful gesture as he reached behind himself to turn off the lamp once he yawned. They were both tired and with how Toshinori removed him from himself in order to fix his pillow and lay back down, he knew he made the right call.
Snuggling back into his man’s chest, he figured that maybe this would be the time to try to show him that the scar didn’t bother him. Cautiously slipping his hand underneath Toshinori’s shirt, his fingertips lightly danced across the latter’s abdomen. Unfortunately, once Toshinori felt him touch the scar, he swatted his hand and allowed it to lay on his naval. Muttering an apology, Shouta gently traced the smooth area, leaving the more rigid plane of skin untouched, aside from a kiss through the shirt.
The action was apparently Toshinori’s breaking point as he turned them over on their left sides and draped an arm around Shouta. As much as he liked being spooned, Shouta knew this change in position was only done to deny him access to his boyfriend’s greatest insecurity. Tired and a little frustrated from a lack of results, he closed his eyes and drifted to sleep unsatisfied.
----
“Hizashi, I never thought I would ever say this,” Shouta started, - the next day - intriguing his best friend who was sitting with his feet propped up on the footrest of the couch. They were hanging out in the teacher’s lounge room since it was now Saturday, and they were not expected to be monitoring the students at the moment. “But I need your help with something.”
Hizashi removed his eyes from the magazine he had been reading to meet Shouta’s gaze. He flashed him a knowing smirk at his words. “You act as if you’ve never said that before.”
“Whatever,” Shouta cut in with a roll of his eyes, hoping to move past that fact he would rather forget. That and to indicate to the blonde that what he was asking of him was important. “I just need your advice. I’d go to Nemuri, but she usually just says to fuck away the problem, and that’s not useful in the slightest.”
“So this is related to your boy toy?”
“If you’re referring to Toshinori, then yes.”
“‘Kay, shoot.”
Shouta exhaled. How was he supposed to do this? He knew that Hizashi would never judge him for any of his woes and that he was always helpful in finding a solution, but that didn’t make it any easier for him to get it out. It always started like this, though, with him wondering how to get his internal mystery out in the open for Hizashi to solve. And even though he could feel Hizashi’s eyes on him, he didn’t necessarily feel any more pressured than he did awkward, fumbling with unsatisfactory phrases in his brain.
That was until he remembered the advice that the loud hero had given him many years ago: It may help to pretend you’re writing a topic sentence for an essay; keep your point short and concise, and only say what the reader needs to know at the moment. All other information can come later and be expanded on accordingly.
“Toshinori keeps hiding from me because of his scar,” Shouta told him, simply. “I just don’t know how to make him feel more comfortable about it.”
Hizashi hummed in thought, nodding his head to show he understood what he was told. But the more he rolled the words around in his brain, the more his face contorted from one of curiosity to one of hesitance. It was almost like he was worried about how his word choice would affect Shouta. Nonetheless, he figured it out relatively quick, his eyes focusing on the latter’s with some puzzlement glistening within them.
“How is he hiding from you?”
Confused of where this was going but wanting the help, Shouta took only a moment to consider his reasoning. Had he not known that this was how Hizashi worked through problems, he would have put up a greater fight with answering that question. “He refuses to get dressed in front of me or take his shirt off during sex.”
“And this bothers you?”
“Well, yes,” Shouta answered, a bit taken aback. “I just want him to feel more comfortable around me and with himself. Maybe he would enjoy life more that way. Also, he’s hot, so there’s that, too, I guess.” The way Hizashi was looking at him made him feel as if by saying that meant he was a bad person. Did it make him a bad person to care about his lover’s self-image or to think he was hot? He didn’t think so.
Once again, Hizashi nodded, however this time he readjusted his seating position to sit up straight against the back rest of the couch. “Lemme take a crack at this okay?” At Shouta’s nod, he began. “So, he’s uncomfortable with you seeing his scar, so he won’t take off his shirt around you. And you want him to be comfortable with it because once he is, he’ll take his shirt off around you.”
“When you put it that way, you make me sound like all I want is his shirt off!”
Hizashi raised his hands in defence, having abandoned his magazine earlier on in their conversation. “Hey, I just said it as I interpreted it from what you told me. In that case, if that’s what you got from me, what does that say about you? ”
Shouta never responded, or at least not with words. His eyes darted away from his fellow hero, feeling hurt and betrayed by such a careless sense of judgment. But as angry and offended as he may have felt from Hizashi’s accusation, Shouta figured there was some truth behind it. He did want to see his boyfriend without his shirt on, but not more than he wanted Toshinori to be happy with himself. Yet it would be much easier to convince Toshinori that he wasn’t grossed out by it if he would just take the damn thing off for long enough in front of him. Assuming he could get that to happen, he had a few ideas of how he would change the latter’s mind.
“I’m not saying you don’t care about Toshinori,” Hizashi told him in an attempt to clear the air of the tension he created, his finger poking at Shouta to get the latter to look at him. “I know you care about him. But with how much this may suck for you, you need to try thinking about this from his perspective. He has had this scar for years and I doubt it just started bothering him now. This means that when you say you don’t mind or that it doesn’t bother you, it’s not helping him. If you were the issue, it would help him to hear that, but since you’re not, it seems to me like you’re pressuring him into doing want only you want.”
Shouta sighed, defeated. Was he really making things worse for Toshinori? Well, everything Hizashi said made sense and all of it indicated that was the case, so it must be true. He felt terrible. This whole time he was unintentionally rushing his lover into accepting something he wasn’t ready for, which explained why it bothered Toshinori so much. He was just thankful that Toshinori was strong enough to stand his ground, continually not giving in to his many ploys to convince him it was better to do so. Man, he was selfish.
Shouta, now feeling desperate to fix things before Toshinori grew half a clue to leave him for someone more understanding, chewed on his lip. “So what should I do?”
Hizashi smiled softly, seemingly pleased with Shouta’s willingness to improve his way of thinking for his boyfriend. “I’d say the best course of action is to very gradually help him integrate into not wearing a shirt.”
“And how would you suggest I do that?”
“Be patient with him and give him tons of reassurance that you will wait for him to be comfortable. Remember: it’s his comfort versus your desire to see him shirtless. Pick the right team and stick to it until he’s ready. He needs to know that it’s okay for him to feel how he does and that you’ll be there to support him through this no matter what. Maybe after some time, talk to him about buying slightly see through shirts and then go from there.”
Shouta nodded as he considered the advice thrown his way, deciding that perhaps it was still a smart idea to listen to Hizashi and his stupid good ideas. “Okay, I think I’ll try that. Thank you, ‘Zashi.”
“Any time, Sho.”
----
Later that night when he was awaiting Toshinori’s arrival, Shouta finished his chapter from yesterday along with an additional four others. Why wouldn’t he read if he had the time to do so? However, he decided that was enough for now as he tried to figure out what he would say to Toshinori when he did come in with his pyjamas in hand.
He knew straight off the bat that he would have to let Toshinori go to the bathroom with no questions asked, even if he didn’t like it. Not only that, but he would have to steer clear of the scar when they were cuddling or messing around, which would be slightly problematic. But he would do it if it meant that his lover would feel less pressured and judged by him, hopefully closing the distance that had slowly grown between them ever since he first brought it up.
As expected, he heard the shuffling feet stop outside his door. However, instead of waiting on the bed for the blonde to open the door and come in, he stood up and made his way to the door. Before Toshinori had the opportunity to turn the doorknob, he reached for it and did so himself, clearly startling the older man. But the shock on Toshinori’s hollow face was quick to melt into a curious grin.
“It’s almost as if you were expecting someone important,” Toshinori teased. “I hope you’re not too disappointed to see me here, instead.”
Shouta exhaled through his nose, as he rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I was actually expecting my one true love All For One to come take me away from all of my woes here. But I suppose you will do.”
Toshinori snorted through his laughter. “Are you sure? I mean, I don’t want to get in the middle of your relationship like that and potentially start a fight between the two of you.”
“No, I don’t think he will mind if you keep me company while he’s away.” Shouta shook his head, amused as he pulled his boyfriend in and closed the door behind him. Wrapping his arms around Toshinori’s neck, he smirked. “He’s really understanding when it comes to things like this.”
“I’ll bet.”
“Yeah, being a crime lord and all, he understands that I get lonely when he isn’t around.”
“How considerate of him. Not many men are like that, so make sure not to let this one slip away.”
Shouta let out a chuckle before pulling Toshinori down in a short and sweet kiss. Separating their mouths, he held Toshinori there with their faces only a few inches apart, and he smiled fondly up at his man. “How have you been?”
“I’ve been good. How about you, good-looking?”
“You are a such a flirt, but I’ve been good as well.”
Toshinori beamed before connecting their lips once more. “I’m happy to hear that.” He then led the younger man to the bed, having him sit in his usual spot near the lamp. Leaning down to give Shouta a quick one-armed hug, he stood up straight and gestured to his clothes in his other hand. “I just need to get dressed, and then I will come hang out with you. In the meantime, please don’t tell All For One about my tardiness. I wouldn’t want him to reconsider allowing you to do this with me.”
Shouta giggled and playfully pushed Toshinori’s towering form away from him. “Depends on how long you take.”
Although they were having a good time with them sharing a hearty laugh, he sobered and his face dropped when he remembered his conversation with Hizashi earlier in the day. He figured that if he was suddenly going to have no complaints when it came to the shirt situation, they would need to have a discussion about it. Whether that was due to him bringing it up or Toshinori calling him out on his strange behaviour, he didn’t care. The conversation needed to happen if they wanted this relationship to work.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Toshinori’s voice cut through his thoughts.
Shouta looked up at the concerned man and figured that they might as well just talk about it now. It seemed like the perfect time to do so, in his opinion. Taking Toshinori’s free hand in his own, he tugged on it, indicating that he wanted him to sit down. Puzzled but compliant, Toshinori did as he was expected and sat down by Shouta’s feet.
Toshinori soothingly massaged Shouta’s hand with his thumb. “Shouta, what’s on your mind?”
“I wanted to apologize,” Shouta started, his eyes focused on their intertwined fingers.
“... For what?”
“For pressuring you when I tell you to take off your shirt.”
Toshinori shifted in his seat, a surprised expression adorning his features. But then his face lit up and his grip on his boyfriend’s hand suddenly tightened. Soon enough it was Shouta’s turn to be shocked when his body morphed into his muscular form, his infamous smile plastered on his face. “It’s alright, I forgive you. I am just happy you have accepted that I will not be taking it off until I am ready.”
Blinking to help him adjust to taking in the sight of the buff man before him and the sound of the louder more drawn out voice, Shouta nodded. “Hizashi made me realize what I’ve been doing. I just wish I would have realized sooner.”
“Nonsense! You came to terms with it in the end and that is what matters!” That was when his body decided it couldn’t maintain that form, reducing him to the scrawny, lanky man he was only a minute ago. He coughed up blood and used his arm and the tissue Shouta handed him to rid himself of the substance. Clearing his throat after finishing his small coughing fit, he continued in a hoarse voice. “Thank you.”
“No problem,” Shouta assured him, keeping an eye on his lover for any signs that he was in pain. “You shouldn’t be using that form anymore.”
“I know, I know. But I was also thanking you for respecting my wishes, even if my reasoning may seem strange to you.”
Shouta hurriedly shook his head, denying the claim. “No, it makes sense to me now. And I know that me telling you it doesn’t bother me doesn’t cancel out the fact that it bothers you .” He felt confident about the words he let escape his lips when Toshinori nodded and lowered his eyes to his lap; something he did when someone caught onto his feelings and pointed them out. “But Hizashi gave me some good ideas to help you through it, if you would be interested. When you’re ready, that is.”
“I’ll certainly think about it, but that may not be for a while-”
“Just take your time. I’ll wait as long as it takes for you to be comfortable.”
“Thank you.”
“Of course.” Shouta leaned forward and kissed Toshinori’s cheek before pulling him in for a quick hug, one that the latter happily returned. Removing himself from his lover, he smiled and firmly patted Toshinori’s arm. “Go get dressed so we can cuddle. I want to hold you tonight.”
Toshinori nodded, and he was off to the bathroom as per usual. Alone once again, Shouta quickly picked up his phone and sent a message to Hizashi, informing the loud man that he was going to treat him to a drink for helping him with this. He knew he owed him more than just that for bringing the familiar joyous light in Toshinori’s eyes, so he added that he would treat him to dinner, as well. All of which, Hizashi did not hesitate to accept.
When Toshinori came into the room now clad in his nightwear, Shouta lowered the face of his pillow to the mattress and removed his shirt and pants before he laid his head on it. He extended a muscular arm towards his lover’s side of the bed, to which Toshinori eagerly moved past to rest his head on his pectorals. Turning the lamp off, he closed his eyes and he was just about to fall asleep when he heard Toshinori say something he had never heard him say before.
“I love you, Shouta.”
Feeling more ecstatic than he was shocked, he ran his fingers tenderly through the mess of blonde hair on his chest. He exhaled, letting out all the tension in his muscles and removing the weight from his shoulders as he replied, “I love you too, Toshinori.”