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Pacey Whitter felt like he was dying, metaphorically that is. He took the one thing in his life that made any sense and just wrecked it. If his relationship with Joey Potter was a balloon containing the air he needed to breathe, he took a safety pin and burst their relationship irreparably. And no matter how instantly wished he hadn’t done it, there was no going back.
He knew he’d been stupid. He’d been told his whole life he was stupid and a failure and good for nothing… so he shouldn’t have been shocked. But what was bothering him now was that in addition to being stupid, he’d been cruel.
Joey was the one kind thing in his life. She was too good for him. Joey had a light within her that one day was going to shine over Boston or New York or Paris and make everyone fall in love with her. But she had chosen to shine her light on him, shower him with her love and now while he knows he is mixing his metaphors, he had ruined everything. He let every dark corner of his brain take over and scream.
And then, the stupid Worthington guy got his hopes up. Fuck that.
The one thing Pacey didn’t need was an opportunity to run and this guy had just offered up a chance to bail.
She had looked so hopeful before. He couldn’t understand why. Like even if he’d been offered a spot at that preppy awful school, he’d never have gone.
First of all, like he could afford it. Brilliant Miss Potter hadn’t even gotten a good enough scholarship to go without funds from her precious soulmate Dawson. God, if he weren’t supposedly his best friend, Pacey would really like to shove him off a dock. But on the other hand, that was money well spent to help her achieve her dreams.
Second of course, is the fact that, sure, he’d been able to fake it with the Worthington crowd for one night, but a Worthington guy – well, that’s just Pacey Whitter. He is barely scrapping by to graduate from Capeside High. And while truth be told, high school isn’t that hard when you actually go to class and study every once in a while. But it’s more than he could be bothered with, preferring to work with his hands and not pretending to care about whatever pretentious, elitist topic of the day those snobs would care about. Unfortunately, that is exactly where Jo had wanted to go more than anywhere.
They had made a promise to each other that Pacey would follow her next year, but instead he ended up in a rage of fury dumping her at prom and then missing his shot again on the dock that morning. He never deserved her to begin with and he sure as hell couldn’t have her back now that he’d realized just how much he’d lost.
So he was leaving her behind.
Maybe if the True Love had survived the storm. He should have known then that they were doomed.
***************
Joey Potter felt like she was finally alive for the first time in weeks. Pacey had broken her heart at prom and ruined their future together, yes, but he’d finally said what he’d been clearly feeling for ages. She could only even begin to think about fixing the problem now that he’d exploded everything.
She knew his family had always told him that he was stupid. And sure, he could be a real moron sometimes. He’d been so mean at prom, that it took her a minute to realize that he was only trying to push her away due to his own insecurities.
Pacey had been the best thing to ever happen to her. Pacey understood her in a way that no one else ever would in her whole entire life, not her so called soulmate. Joey had always been too scared to ever imagine that she’d actually go on the adventures. He was like a nightlight, taking all the dark corners of her brain and lighting them up so she didn’t have to be so afraid.
And then, the stupid Worthington guy got her hopes up. Screw that.
She should have known it would be an opportunity for Pacey to really feel independent and successful and that he wouldn’t turn it down.
He had seemed so hopeful before. Which surprised Joey, because Worthington had always been her dream, not his. He’d have never gone anyway.
First of all, Joey was already beginning to wonder if she was making the right choice in spending all her money from Dawson on such an expensive school. One year of tuition at Worthington would get her an entire degree from UMass. And seeing as her only dream is to get out of Capeside, she could pretty much do that anywhere.
Secondarily, Joey didn’t think that Pacey needed to go to college anyway to be successful. He’d been so caught up in feeling lost that he couldn’t see his own strengths. He connects with people, makes them laugh, could talk anyone into anything, and not to mention, he’s great with his hands. She could picture a hundred different career options for him that were a better fit for him than academia.
He’d promised her so much and she realistically knows at eighteen you can’t make those kind of promises to one another. But she’d been hoping after she stayed over that night, he would have woken up with a renewed commitment to stay.
So he planned on leaving her behind. Or felt like she was leaving him behind and was trying to preempt it.
She saw their love like the True Love. It was a boat wrecked in a hurricane, restored painstakingly until it was sea-worthy again. Yeah, it ultimately was doomed, and her metaphor falls apart, but Joey Potter was going to do everything in her power to fix this too.
***************
When she goes to see him about graduation it’s like something snaps. He isn’t planning on fighting for his diploma just like he isn’t planning on fighting for her. He’s distant and she’s angry too and then he says those words, “I want to move on, and get over you, and not be around you anymore,” she finally snaps into the moment.
Rather than saying she’d like to be friends someday, maybe in the future, she decides to let him know now.
“I don’t believe you, Pace. Just like you shouldn’t believe me when I say I want to be your friend. I love you. Why don’t you believe that’s good enough? If you want to take to the seas and run away from reality, take me with you! You don’t have to ask me to go. I’m offering myself up. We both have a lot of growing up to do but maybe we should just learn to do it together. Another 3 months at sea, like last year but with paying jobs, then up to Boston, and maybe even sailing off into the sunset one day on a boat we call True Love II. I have never ever given up on you, Pacey. Today won’t be that day.”