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English
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Published:
2021-01-23
Updated:
2021-06-11
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21,194
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12/?
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please dial nine to get out

Summary:

“...Can I scam you?” It sounded like whoever was on the other line was holding back a laugh. Why? This whole situation was just so strange, Shuichi couldn’t wrap his head around it.

“Wh- Did you- Did you just ask if you can scam me?”

“Yup! Can I?”

“I- You can try to,” Shuichi shook his head, forgetting that he was talking over the phone and whoever he was speaking to couldn’t see him.

“Okay then! I’ll just need you to get in front of your computer,” The voice changed once again, back to the original cheery and childish tone. It was giving Shuichi whiplash.

- - -

Kokichi is a scam caller and Shuichi is a very tired detective.

Notes:

i would just like to formally apologize for this beforehand. just to get it out of the way. i dont know what possessed me to write this but i did and im too far into it to stop now

also: title and chapter names are from the song baby hotline by jack stauber !!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: baby hotline

Chapter Text

 

Shuichi sighed and fished through his pocket for his keys as he stood at the door to his apartment. He had just gotten back from a very exhausting day of work at Kirigiri’s detective agency, and all he wanted to do was have a quick dinner and go to sleep. 

 

Just as he clicked the lock and opened the door, a loud ringing pierced the silence in his apartment. 

 

Shuichi flinched and reached into his pocket once more, this time to grab his phone. 

 

‘Unknown Number’ shone in bold white letters across the screen as the phone rang and vibrated in his hand. He read the numbers below just to be sure, and… yup. It was a number he had never seen before. At least, not any number he could remember. 

 

Shuichi sighed and raised the phone to his ear.

 

“Hello…?” 

 

“Hello, how are you today?” A cheery, almost childish voice spoke on the other line. 

 

“Uh, I’m alright?” A lame response, sure, but Shuichi was too exhausted to think of anything else.

 

“Great! I’m calling you today because your credit card has been compromised. Just get in front of your computer and I can help you fix things up.”

 

“Okay,” He raised an eyebrow. “There is one thing I’m wondering, though, if you’d be so kind as to answer.”

 

“...What?” The voice spoke. It was completely void of any cheeriness or childishness this time - it sounded emotionless. Eerily so. 

 

“You really couldn’t come up with a better lie?” Shuichi asked. There was no response, so he continued. “Like, my credit card has been compromised. I think, knowing me, I’d be the first person to know that. And you didn’t say anything about yourself and whatever company you’re pretending to work for, or at least ask for my name. Let’s say you were real, and not some scammer trying to get my information so you can take my money. How would you even know if I’m the person you’re supposed to be calling?”

 

When the other line was silent once again, he added: “Just wondering, I guess.” 

 

“...Why did you answer?” The voice was still cold and impassive.

 

“Huh?”

 

“If you knew this wasn’t a real call, why did you answer?”

 

“Oh, I just thought I might as well have some fun at your expense.” 

 

“What expense? Talking is no expense to me. Especially in this situation,” The voice was back to being bright, this time sounding… amused? Excited? Entertained? 

 

“Well, you’re not getting your job done. You’re not scamming me. I’d consider that an expense, since it’s the only reason why you’re calling me.”

 

“...Can I scam you?” It sounded like whoever was on the other line was holding back a laugh. Why? This whole situation was just so strange, Shuichi couldn’t wrap his head around it. 

 

“Wh- Did you- Did you just ask if you can scam me?

 

“Yup! Can I?”  

 

“I- You can try to,” Shuichi shook his head, forgetting that he was talking over the phone and whoever he was speaking to couldn’t see him. 

 

“Okay then! I’ll just need you to get in front of your computer,” The voice changed once again, back to the original cheery and childish tone. It was giving Shuichi whiplash. 

 

“Uh, well-” He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. “That’s going to be a problem. I just finished up at work, all I want to do right now is eat dinner and go to bed. Not really in the mood for anything else.”

 

“Alright! I’ll call you again tomorrow, then.”

 

“Wha- I- I might not answer. How do you even know if I’ll be able to pick up the phone?”

 

“You answered today,” He could almost feel the shrug coming through from the other line. “I can always call more than once if you don’t.”

 

“...I suppose?”

 

“I’ll call you tomorrow. Have a good night!” The voice spoke before hanging up. Shuichi brought his phone down from his ear and stared at the now-black screen. 

 

What in the world did he just get himself into?

 

Dinner, and then sleep. That’s all. No need to worry about unnecessary things.

 

No need to worry about unnecessary things. 

 

 

…. 

 

He didn’t get much sleep that night.



______________



Shuichi spent most of the next day thinking about that call. That distraction on top of his lack of sleep made work much more difficult. Thankfully, it was a generally calm day, and only consisted of desk work - writing reports, answering calls, etcetera. 

 

However, desk work was still work, and still tiring. As much as Shuichi was used to staying awake for work (he was a homicide detective after all), his past week was already incredibly exhausting, with 3 different murder cases in the span of 4 days. 

 

That was probably why when he felt something brush his shoulder, he threw the pen he was holding and almost fell out of his chair. 

 

“Shuichi?” A calm voice spoke from behind him. 

 

“Ah, Kyoko! Sorry, I didn’t-” He turned around to see the lavender-haired woman bending down to pick up a folder she had dropped. 

 

Ah, that’s what had touched him.

 

“You look exhausted,” She deadpanned. She was straight-faced and cold as usual, but Shuichi knew she meant well. 

 

“Ah, I didn’t get much sleep last night. Sorry, I’m not sure why I’m so, uh, distracted.” 

 

“That’s fine. As long as you’re not slacking off,” She almost smirked. Shuichi let out a small, quiet laugh.

 

“Of course not.”

 

“Good. You leave in 2 hours. Do you think you’ll finish up that report by then?” She nodded at the small stack of papers sitting in front of the younger detective.

 

“Yes, I will,” He turned towards the report, detailing the results of a recent interview with a witness to murder. 

 

Kyoko nodded. “Goodbye,” She spoke briskly before she turned and walked away, her lavender hair fanning elegantly behind her. 

 

Shuichi sighed and let himself relax. Kyoko was kind, and even friendlier to him than she was to the other detectives in the agency, but she was still intimidating. She was his supervisor, after all. 

 

He looked down at the paper once again. 

 

Just 2 hours. All he had to do was focus and stay awake until then. If he ended up getting called back in to work later, he’d just deal with it then. 

 

If he got a call from that scammer, he’d deal with it then.