Archive of Our Own

Andrew Joseph Minyard couldn't believe his eyes.

He was looking ahead into the cafeteria space and seeing a man with auburn hair and electric blue eyes, wearing a pastel blue sweater that couldn't highlight better his icy irises, baggy jeans, and white Demonia shoes with a low heel, and even though the image was clear as the sun from the brightness of it, his mind didn't want to process that sight.

A few weeks ago he had met a man on a website aimed at people from within the BDSM community and they kept talking since that day. The purpose of the site was mainly to introduce people from within the scene to each other — either through chats or through some events hosted by the platform moderators —, to facilitate things for them as much as possible. That was their case. Andrew met Neil on the event’s discussion channel when the planning for the munch that was going on right now first started, and it was for some random reason — like, Neil responded to some simple comment from Andrew — but it was enough to make them take the conversation to the private chat and continue there.

After many, many conversations — mostly about kinks and related — it turned out that they found out they were quite compatible in many things, so they decided it would be ok if they both met at the munch, as was the case now, to discuss in-depth whether it was worth it or not to invest in a dynamic for the both of them.

But Andrew had already had more experiences than he would have liked with people who are not in real life like the image they virtually display. That was not the case with Neil though, and that was why he was so mesmerized.

Andrew walked over to the counter stool, where Neil was sitting and dangling his feet that didn't reach the floor, and said, "Hey."

Neil turned his head towards him, scanned Andrew from head to toe, and smiled a small, but pleased smile. “Hi, Andrew. I was waiting for you," he nodded in the general direction of the cafeteria and continued, "Do you want to try looking for a less crowded place to talk?"

“Yes, that would be good. Can you look somewhere while I get us something to drink?”

"Sure. Juice for me?”

"Alright."

Neil smiled again and jumped down from the stool before walking towards the open space tables, and only then did Andrew see the backpack he was wearing. It was probably holographic vinyl with a pair of shiny medium-sized butterfly wings decorating the front.

He sighed and looked at one of the employees to order juice and soda for him. Andrew took advantage of the small waiting time to reorganize himself through the things he and Neil would have to discuss and make sure he was not forgetting anything. He wasn’t, and it was with this awareness that he took the two drinks and headed in the direction where the other man had previously gone.

Neil was sitting at a table for two, more or less in the corner of that area, and fiddling with the butterfly backpack that was now on his lap. He looked up when Andrew put the glass of juice in front of him and his face broke into a smile again.

"Thanks," he nodded, just before pulling a cloth bag out of the backpack and picking up an iridescent stainless steel straw. He started drinking the juice with the straw without further ado. "Do you want to get straight to the point or talk banalities first?"

"Straight to the point. We can talk after,” Andrew answered as he sipped on his soda.

"Sure," Neil nodded and took another sip through the straw. "As I already told you, I’m a little and at the moment I’m looking for a Caregiver, which turns out you are willing and interested in being, right?"

"Yes. I have experience with other subs but never with a little, so I don't think I’ll be the best one possible but I won't be the worst either. And I have been studying and looking for some courses recently, so I can always improve.”

“Honestly, I trust you on that,” Neil inclined his head, his blue eyes earnest, and Andrew couldn’t help thinking that they should’ve met before. Then, he would’ve been able to look at Neil before today as well. “I don’t doubt that you will be considerate, organized, and responsible if you really decide to proceed with this. Just make sure you know what you're getting into and things can work.”

"Do you want to talk about what I'm getting into? You can use your personal experience since you’re the one who will be in a dynamic with me."

"Of course," Neil folded his hands on the table and tilted his head slightly to the side, smiling softly. "Well, when doing a scene with me or getting into a relationship, whatever, you can expect me to be a little emotionally sensitive, time-demanding, and in need of reassurance. I'm like that even outside scenes, but especially while one is happening, because then I know it’s a moment where I can allow myself to let go and just relax, without really having to worry too much because someone is in control. In those moments, and especially when I’m in little space, I tend to be much more interested in stuffed animals, cartoons, coloring, building forts, playing, cuddling and et cetera."

"Right. This is quite explanatory, I think I can get a good picture," Andrew had already a pretty good idea of what being a little and Caregiver meant as well, and the things Neil said were not a surprise in this type of dynamic.

"That's good. So, in summary, you could say that, as my Caregiver, you would have to be, besides caring, of course, at least a little understanding, gentle, affectionate, and kind."

"I can work with this."

"So we are already on very good grounds to work through this."

Andrew believed him on that. They had talked much in the past few weeks, so they knew at least the most important things about each other and that was another good point for them.

"Do you want to suggest anything?" Andrew asked as he took off the leather jacket he was wearing and held it out on the backrest of the chair he was sitting on.

"I think we can start with an exploration of territory and gradually increase or add things until we reach an ideal and comfortable level for both of us within the dynamics."

"Do you mean a temporary contract?"

“I wouldn't say contract, but it can be. We would still follow the principles of a contract, anyway, so I think that's it.”

"Is there any information that we haven't discussed yet?"

Neil sucked on the straw as he narrowed his eyes thoughtfully. “I know your soft and hard limits, just like you know mine, I know your interest levels in the main kinks, just like you know mine, I know about your aftercare, in case you need it, just like you know about mine… I think we already discussed the most important information by chat, don't we? The rest we can talk about eventually.”

That was true. All that information about them, all the details that usually go into a contract, were scattered through the conversations they had since the day they met online.

"Alright," Andrew nodded. "I will put everything together in one document and send you by email, to organize things better."

Neil smiled cheekily, winked, and rested his chin on his hands. “See? I said you would be organized.”

Andrew rolled his eyes good-naturedly and Neil's smile only increased with that.

Then they finally proceeded to talk about banalities while the rest of the munch was going on around them, and Andrew thought it was very easy to imagine that their dynamics would be highly likely to succeed thanks to the ease they had in interacting with each other.

~

Andrew was parking in front of Neil's apartment and immediately saw the man coming out of the building's front door. He was wearing a baby blue sweatshirt that had the sleeves covering up to half his fingers, a white T-shirt with an alien and rainbow design on the front, baggy jeans, and a blue sneaker with silver stars painted on the sides. When he got into the car and placed the backpack on his lap, Andrew noted that it was slightly smaller than the one he had seen on the munch and completely made of faux fur with a pair of bunny ears on top.

Neil was smiling widely and looking at Andrew. "You look very handsome, Andrew."

He was wearing only a loose tank top, the usual armbands, skinny jeans, and combat boots, all black.

Andrew adjusted his own glasses a bit before replying, "Thanks," and then he remembered Neil mentioning that he liked pet names before, during and after scenes — ie, the whole time. "You look very adorable, baby boy, did you choose your outfit?"

Neil's eyes lit up and he flushed, and Andrew let him speak as he started the car and headed down the track.

“Yes, Daddy. Did you see my sneakers?” Andrew nodded at Neil's question. “I myself painted the stars, with those molds that have the shape of things, you know?”

"This is really cool. You did a great job and it looks beautiful."

"Thank you very much," Neil smiled even more. "Uh, just to let you know in advance, I usually talk or babble a lot, I hope that’s ok..."

"I'm a good listener," Andrew stopped at a red light and looked at Neil, "Want to show me what's in your backpack?"

"Yes," he unzipped it immediately and started fiddling with some things. “I have, um, my phone, portable charger, wet wipes, pen and notebook, moisturizer and lip gloss, my wallet, keys, my mood plushie, lollipops, colored pencils and pacifier, just in case. Sometimes I also have a makeup case, but it depends a lot on the day because makeup can make me dysphoric. If that is not the case, I like crossdressing.”

"You do?"

"Yeah, although I think I need to buy more dresses and skirts because the ones I have are getting too short and tight now that I'm gaining weight."

“Is that something that bothers you? Gaining weight, I mean.”

"A little bit, I think, but it's a natural thing, so I don't know."

Andrew hums and saves that information for later.

Neil went on to talk about general stuff — like his mood plushie, which was a stuffed octopus a little bigger than his hand and easy to flip inside out to show his mood because each side of the toy had two different expressions; he said the plushie was called Mina and went by they/them pronouns — until they reached the destination and Andrew found a parking space.

"Are we at the mall for something specific, Drew?" Neil asked, running his fingers through the curly auburn hair to adjust it.

Andrew squinted because of the nickname but Neil just laughed at it. “Yes, angel. There is an amusement park behind the mall, that's where we're going.”

"I like amusement parks, thanks."

“Yeah, baby? I hope you have a fun evening, then,” the blond whispered, reaching out across the seat and holding Neil's chin gently with his fingers.

And there it was. That spark in the middle of his stomach and sometimes his chest that Andrew felt every time he was too close to Neil. He had yet to recognize what it was about, and honestly, it was a little terrifying.

Neil tilted his head and smiled tenderly.

"I know I'm going to have a fun evening, Daddy, as long as you don't leave me alone," he said.

“I won’t, sunflower. Promise."

"Thanks, Daddy."

Andrew nodded in acknowledgment and brushed his thumb over Neil's chin one last time before turning to get out of the car. He walked to the other side of the Maserati and opened the door for Neil to leave, which he did while placing the backpack back on his back.

They walked a little to get to the place where the park was installed. Because of the time — as it was still a bit early in the evening — there weren't many people there, which was a good thing because both of them preferred to avoid tumultuous places.

"We can go to any attractions except the haunted house to avoid possible triggers for either of us, alright?" Andrew said.

"Alright."

"And maybe I won't be able to go on some height attractions with you, so if you still want to go, either way, it will be without me."

“There is no problem,” Neil smiled again, then lowered his face and looked directly at the floor as he murmured, “Can I hold your hand, Drew?”

"Yes, you can, little, come here," he held out his hand and Neil immediately intertwined his fingers with Andrew's larger ones. "Let’s go?"

When they were properly settled around each other, they finally entered the amusement park and Neil's eyes were shining impossibly as he looked around. He looked like there was just so much he wanted to do, and Andrew could feel his heart pounding through his fingertips.

He began to chew his lower lip involuntarily and Andrew reached with his thumb to free the flesh from the incessant bite of his teeth.

“Oh, sorry. I have a bit of an oral fixation. Can you get a lollipop from my backpack?” Neil asked.

Andrew nodded and let go of his hand to search inside the backpack. He fished out one of the candies and handed it to Neil, who immediately pouted and held out his hand to Andrew again. The blond accepted and intertwined their fingers with a snort.

As they walked, Neil opened the lollipop package with his free hand and teeth and found a garbage basket nearby to throw the torn plastic.

“If you don't mind, let me ask you a question… What do you want your Caregiver to do for you? Something that you need to feel fulfilled. Basically, what is something that has made you the happiest in someone doing for you in the past?” Andrew asked, raising an eyebrow

“Um… I always liked it a lot when it seemed like they were proud of me. That and lots of cuddling are definitely the best things for me.”

“Got it. Do you have an item you're too attached to when feeling little?”

"Any stuffed animal and something I can occupy my mouth with."

"Noted."

"Can I ask you a question too, Daddy?" Neil looked expectantly at him.

“Sure, baby boy. What is it?"

"What do you like to do in your spare time?"

“Read mostly, when I have time. I mean, fantasy books, fiction and the like, because at my job I read quite a lot, but it's not the kind of reading I prefer.”

"You’re a text editor for a newspaper company and for a book publisher, right?"

"Yes, sweetheart. You really are paying attention, aren't you?" Andrew noticed.

"To you? Always."

Andrew's expression was tender when he looked at Neil, and he rubbed his thumb on the back of the other man's hand in response to the affectionate comment. "Neil, can you wait at that bench while I'm going to buy some tickets?"

The bench in question wasn’t far and he would still be able to see Andrew when he went to the ticket office, so Neil nodded and walked over there. Andrew observed as Neil was sitting and playing with his fingers when a candy cart passed him and he stopped the employee to order something. So when Andrew was returning with ten tickets to the attractions, Neil was holding a pink cotton candy cone while kicking his feet carefully to keep from hitting the floor.

"Look, Drew, I bought it for you," he held out the candy with a huge smile on his face that made his eyes disappear behind his big cheeks.

"This looks delicious, thank you very much." He reached for the cotton candy and ate a small piece of it.

"You're welcome. Can we go and play now?”

"Yes, we can. Where do you want to go first?”

"The bumper cars."

“Alright. Do you want to go on a cart alone?”

"I do. I want you to watch how good I am.”

"I know you're a good boy at anything, Neil," Andrew said, giving him a pointedly look.

Neil blushed and Andrew could see the shivers down his neck. He nodded and they went to the track of the bumper cars. Neil was mostly an uncontrolled driver who probably had no other goal than to be as chaotic as possible and hope that he could crash everyone this way. It wasn't exactly a flawed plan if Andrew had to be honest.

Neil pretty much played with the same animation in all the attractions until the tickets ran out, and then they bought him more to go on some again, meanwhile, Andrew mostly watched and eventually nodded or responded pleasantly when Neil said something with excitement.

He could tell that Neil was genuinely tired when they finally went back to the car, especially when he had to buckle the seat belt for him because as soon as Neil fell into the seat he was immediately in a very much sleepy state. The drive to the residential building was silent and Andrew went up with him when they arrived, to make sure Neil would be fine and to help him get sorted to sleep as well.

He entered the apartment with Neil and, with the other man's permission, partially helped Neil to undress and put on one of his pajamas. It was a pastel pink silk satin sleepwear with sleeves and long, loose pants. Andrew only helped with the bottom of the outfit, because Neil was still wearing his chest binder, and Andrew didn't want to end up making him uncomfortable in any way, so he just chose to let Neil handle that part himself.

When he was completely changed, he left the bathroom rubbing a hand over one eye and yawning. Andrew looked at the stuffed animal shelf and asked, "Which one do you want, doll?"

"I want Kai," Neil's voice was already dragged and, to Andrew's surprise, with a trace of a British accent. "He is the elephant with a bow tiara."

Andrew scanned the toy collection and found the only elephant with a bow tiara made entirely of crochet. He reached for it and took it to where Neil was lying on the bed. The moment he handed it, Neil smiled without opening his eyes and hugged the stuffed animal tightly.

"Thanks, Daddy," his voice was all but needy and small. "Good night, Daddy, I will miss you."

“Good night, baby boy. You can call me if you need me, okay? Sleep well."

Neil's response was nothing more than a bunch of nonsense babble and in the next second, he was already asleep. Andrew turned to leave and carefully closed the bedroom door, as he also did with the apartment door. When he finally went totally and fully quiet in the elevator, he realized that his heart was hammering violently against his chest, and Andrew sighed deeply knowing that he would need a cigarette the moment he left the building.

~

"Daddy?" Neil's voice came on the other end of the line as soon as Andrew answered the call. It was small, needy, and almost weak, which immediately alarmed Andrew — to the same extent that it made his interior melt a little; positively, that is.

"Hey, pumpkin. Are you okay?"

There was an interval of silence and Andrew had completely abandoned his computer, where he was finalizing some files before his phone rang, and his attention was entirely and completely on the call now, more specifically on the person on the other end of the line.

"I'm fine for now, but do you think we can meet?"

"Yes, we can," Andrew was already getting up from his chair and looking for shoes to put on and go out. "I'm coming to get you, can you keep talking in the meantime? So I can make sure you're still ok?"

"I can, Daddy."

"That's nice. Tell me, what is your favorite color?"

Neil immediately embarked on a speech about favorite colors according to each day and what outfit he was going to wear, he chattered about everything Andrew asked and encouraged him to speak, and not for a moment did his voice miss the very needy and slightly whining tone. It was good that he was still so talkative and accepting Andrew's order not to be silent until he arrived, but at the same time, it was worrying that he looked so discouraged while doing this.

In the middle of a speech about the different sets of clothes in his wardrobe, Andrew arrived in front of Neil's building and waited for him to finish speaking before saying, "Hey, doll? I'm here, can you come to me alone or...?"

"I'm already leaving the apartment, Drew. Wait just a minute."

Indeed Andrew heard the sound of the lock, keys, the click of the elevator, and the silence when Neil was coming down the floors. Shortly afterward he appeared through the main door and walked towards the Maserati. He probably changed and got organized as soon as Andrew signaled that he would go to him because now Neil was wearing a loose white sweatshirt that fell a little on his left shoulder with the design of a watermelon on the front, pastel blue collar shirt underneath, skirt in the same color and sneakers with thigh-high white stockings. He was also carrying a backpack — one that, if Andrew hadn't seen Neil put it on his back, he would have sworn it was just a stuffed bunny.

Neil got in the car and sat down slowly in the passenger seat. He finally ended the call and didn't look at Andrew directly. Andrew didn’t force him either. They would talk better when they arrived at Andrew's apartment.

Once they did so, he got out of the vehicle and was going to Neil's side to help him out, but he did it for himself, and as much as Andrew squinted a bit at that, he said nothing.

Neil followed after him as they went up to Andrew's floor and entered his apartment. For a few moments, the auburn-haired man just stood at the front door, a little embarrassed and not knowing exactly what to do.

"Come here," Andrew held out a hand to him shortly after taking off his shoes and leaving them near the door. Neil approached with his head bowed and accepted the hand offered to him. "Can I take your shoes off, baby?"

Neil nodded, and nothing more. Andrew gave his hand a small kiss and bent down to untie his sneakers and carefully remove them. He put the pair aside and stood up.

"Do you want to talk about what is going on on your mind, angel?"

"I want to be held, Daddy. And cuddle." Neil was wiggling his fingers nervously.

"Do you? That's ok, my boy, come here."

Andrew guided them both to the couch and sat down first before opening his arms and let Neil straddle him and curl up in him until he looked like a mistletoe trapping him. He couldn't help noticing that it didn't startle him. That being trapped between the couch and another body — another person — wasn’t scaring him, and Andrew thanked both the years of therapy and the trust he had in Neil for that.

While he waited for both to adapt properly, he began to slowly stroke Neil's back, making constant movements from top to bottom. He let their bodies stick together so that the other man could feel his constant breathing and hoped that was, perhaps, somehow, grounding for him.

"You're fine, baby. I'm with you, ok? I'm not going to let anything happen to you. It's okay," Andrew whispered. "If you feel like you want to talk, I'll listen to you. You can trust me, I'll help you with whatever it is, ok? I'll take care of you."

He listened carefully so maybe he could perceive how Neil was doing, but he wasn’t very successful. At least he wasn't hearing hiccups or sniffles, so the other man was probably not crying. It was already a positive thing.

He kept caressing and trying to speak as many comforting words as he could, anything that was reassuring enough.

"I'm sorry, Drew," Neil finally said, broken and muffled thanks to his cheek being pressed against Andrew's shoulder.

"Why are you apologizing?" He kept his voice as soft as possible.

"Because I’m not enough."

"For what?"

"For anything," his breath was heavy. "I don't deserve you to take care of me, Drew. Because I'm not good. Everything about me is wrong, and I will never be able to like myself, so it's not fair that I drag you into it too. There are many more interesting and worthwhile people than me. I know that, so you don’t need to be afraid to agree, I won't be sad. We aren’t very intimate yet, so at least it will be easier for you to let me go now."

Andrew had been feeling his blood burn practically since Neil started speaking, and he knew the other man could feel the way too fast a pound of his heart because of their proximity. He forced himself to stay calm anyway.

"Who put those words in your mouth, baby?"

"Nobody did. I can figure things out for myself," Neil shrugged.

"Are you sure you can do it? Because your perception doesn't seem accurate, from my point of view."

"Don't lie to me, Drew. Don't do that."

Andrew slowly placed a lock of Neil's hair behind his ear, cupped his face, and gently managed to move Neil off his shoulder so they could look into each other's eyes.

Just talking wasn’t always the best possible alternative. A good number of people have a better result of understanding through demonstrations than just explanations. There are situations where just saying a few sentences will not change the state of things. That was probably the case now.

So Andrew had an idea going around in his head.

"I'm not. I wouldn't lie to you," he said, with his own hazel eyes locked in the depth of Neil's blue eyes. "Baby boy, how are you feeling about your body today?"

"I'm not dysphoric, so I think I'm fine. If you disregard the lack of self-esteem."

"Can you get undressed? Only as far as you feel comfortable."

"I think I can. Do you want me to?"

"Yes."

Neil nodded and pulled away from Andrew to get up. He didn't look directly at the other man as he slowly took off his sweatshirt, shirt and skirt. Something that Andrew hadn't noticed before was that Neil's body was all wider under the layers of clothing he usually wore, all heavily built and perfectly fitted for Neil.

"Keep the stockings," Andrew murmured.

Neil did that. Just now Andrew was seeing that there was a garter belt under his clothes. It was white lace and linked the thin fabric around the waist to the leg harnesses on both Neil's thighs. It was also a set with the boxer he was wearing. This was all covered by the skirt before, so it was only fitting that Andrew hadn't seen it.

He absorbed and enjoyed the sight for a while but soon changed his gaze to Neil's face. Andrew got up from the couch and walked over slowly. Only the chest binder and the set with the boxer, stockings, and garter belt were still on Neil's body, and he was standing with his hands half around his body, as if he were hiding, which Andrew could do nothing about now, but planned to do soon.

"Follow me," Andrew asked. They walked into the bedroom, and Andrew let Neil get used to the environment first before saying, "Sit on the edge of the bed."

He didn't look to see if Neil was obeying when he just turned and walked over to the dresser near the wardrobe and opened the second drawer. He took out a considerably large box made of wine velvet and closed the drawer again.

"I got this a while ago but I wasn't going to give it to you for now. I think I wanted to talk more about it before I really did anything... Know your opinion and stuff, you know," Andrew was walking towards the bed where Neil was giving him a curious look. "But now it looks like a good time, so let's see how things go."

Now standing in front of Neil, he opened the box and placed it on the mattress to get the contents out.

"You know you can deny it and under no circumstances do you need to accept it if it's not what you want, that's just a suggestion, my boy," he continued speaking. "In this box, I have three collars. Two of them I made myself, and the other one was made to measure and under many details. The two handmade ones are for casual use, you can choose which one you want to wear each day and when or how long you want to wear it."

He paused to expose the two items in question so that Neil could see. The first was a pastel blue collar with faux fur inside, two d-rings at the ends to fasten it — this one didn't have a lock, Neil noticed, just a long ribbon that formed a bow and tied it tightly —, silk satin covering the outside with a thin layer of laces on top, a metal o-ring on the front with two pendants hanging from it and a decorative bow just above where the o-ring was attached.

Andrew told him about how that collar was less firm and tight — since it was fastened with a long ribbon rather than a lock — and how it would be better for when Neil wanted something lighter.

The second collar was simpler in terms of decorative details, but it made Neil look as delighted as the first.

This one would take up almost his entire neck since it was made up of three medium strips of leather — in different shades of blue; the first baby blue, the second azure blue, and the third royal blue — with just a bit less than a finger of space between each one and a single vertical strip passing through the middle of these three, fixed with three small, round metal pins. This vertical one was the one that carried the o-ring at the bottom end of it. Also, this collar had a definitely firmer lock, so Andrew was talking about being ideal for when Neil wanted something heavier since it was harder and yadda yadda.

"Now, for the third collar, this one is for special occasions, such as public events and the like. It’s not as obvious as the other two so you should be able to wear it discreetly in public."

He took the last collar out of the box and Neil's eyes immediately zeroed in on it and his mouth opened in awe spontaneously, which made Andrew take a deep breath with satisfaction.

This one was a thin strip of metal with designs of roses and thorns carved along it, ending in two d-rings joined by a small padlock also made of metal and carved in the shape of a heart. There was nothing more than that, but that alone was making Neil's skin tingle with how formidable that collar was. The details of the carved designs were impeccable, Neil was mesmerized.

"These three collars, if you accept them, come with a rule. I'm the only one who can put them on or take them off, and the only exception to that is if you use your safeword when I’m not around. Once you're wearing them, I hope you will constantly remember who owns you, in whatever way you prefer as long as it's clear. That's not an obligation though. Do you understand?"

"I do."

"So, do you accept the collars, my baby boy, yes or no?"

"Of course I do, Daddy."

Andrew leaves the three pieces aside to pet Neil's hair in satisfaction and the latter leans in the direction of the touch, closing his eyes and humming low.

"I want to put one of the collars on you now, Neil, yes or no?"

"Yes," the reply was almost a sigh, "I want the leather one because it is bigger and I think it will make me more grounded, which I need now."

"Ok," Andrew said simply, putting the other two back in the box and putting it on top of the dresser. He carefully fastened the leather collar around Neil's neck, locking it and showing Neil that the key was hanging from a necklace that Andrew now put around his own neck. "Color, Neil?"

He, like Andrew, used the traffic light method. Green to keep going or yes, yellow for I'm close to my limit or pause, and red for stop or no.

"Green. I'm good."

"May we start a quick scene now, baby?"

"Is it going to be hard, Daddy?"

"Tell me what you think... Praising, body worship, and physical contact, are you okay with that?"

"Oh," Neil raised his eyebrows and blinked a few times. Given the current situation and the things Andrew mentioned, he probably got an idea of where this was going. "Green."

"Lie on your back and climb up until you’re lying in the center of the bed," Andrew wasted no time. When Neil obeyed him and was properly established, the blond followed him onto the mattress and sat on his own calves next to where Neil was lying. "Tell me, doll, what you don’t like about yourself? Try to be explicit."

"Uh, I don't like... my scars, obviously, because they're disgusting. I also don't like my breasts because I know people notice them and often misgender me. I would say the same about my voice and facial features, but since I started taking hormones it has eased considerably. Now I still don’t like them, but for another reason. I don’t like my tummy because it’s chubby. Deep down I know this is not a bad thing, but the comments are, and they never stop," Neil started to squirm under Andrew's gaze and the words leaving him so exposed. His voice was gradually getting weaker. "I don't like my legs, they are too thick. My shoulders and hips are too large. My face is disproportionate or poorly harmonized, I don't know..." Neil sighed and turned his face to the side, trying to hide it in the sheets. "Daddy, I don't want to talk anymore."

"That's fine, baby. Thanks for telling me that, and thanks for trusting me," Andrew nodded. "Can I touch you?"

"Yes."

"Where?"

"Anywhere except under the chest binder and inside my underwear."

"Thanks," he moved to stand above Neil. "Let me tell you a story, will you, baby boy?"

"Yes, Daddy."

"Once upon a time, there was a very sweet boy," Andrew whispered and bent down to kiss Neil's cheek, "who was also very kind and caring, even though at first glance he didn't look like that," he kissed the other cheek, "and he was definitely very handsome. You know, like the princes of fairy tales? He had, like," kissed his chin, "a nice neck to decorate with any jewelry he wanted," kissed his neck to highlight what he had said, "strong shoulders and arms to beat the soul out of anyone who tried to get in his way," Andrew traced a path of tiny kisses from Neil's collarbone down his right shoulder to his fingertips, then did the same thing on the left side, "he wore armor on his torso, and that only made him stronger," Andrew's kisses over Neil's chest binder were even softer, like butterfly touches. He held Neil’s waist before repositioning himself to follow the path through the rest of his body, "he had a chubby tummy, and he bragged about it all the time because it made him look like his favorite teddy bear," this time Andrew not only kissed Neil's entire belly, he also moved his fingers around to tickle it, which obviously worked. Neil squirmed under him, laughing, and so Andrew was able to see one of the details he liked most about Neil again: the way his eyes disappeared behind his plump cheeks when he smiled from side to side or laughed, "you know what else he had? Wide hips to match his thick thighs, and it was amazing whenever he wore his fancy clothing sets, especially his skirts because they were even more spread around his body, and he often looked like a flower," Andrew circled his thumbs on the sides of Neil's hips and kissed each of his thighs, then moving his fingers to trace the top of the stockings, "his legs were so delicate, wasn't that sweet?" Andrew sat back on his calves and lifted Neil's leg to support his heel on Andrew's shoulder, running his lips gently over his stocking before doing the same with the other leg. At this point, Neil was breathing at slow intervals and had both arms raised over his head. He was spread on the bed and flushed from his face to the beginning of his chest. "In a quick summary, he was very, very handsome, all the people who knew him, and even those who didn't, knew this much."

"And did people like him, Daddy?" Neil asked, his breathing a little labored.

"Of course they did. How could they not like him? He was so, so special," Andrew was now sitting on his own calves and between Neil's spread legs, which he put gently on the bed. "But there was this man. He was just someone who met the sweet boy by chance at a ball. They danced, talked, and met throughout the night. As they got to know each other more and more, the feeling of ownership and protection grew mutually between them. The boy wanted to be taken care of, and the man decided that he would protect him with all of himself because that was his most beautiful possession, the one for which he held most affection. Do you get it, baby boy?"

"I think so, Daddy."

"Let me put it in easier words for you, may I? You are very beautiful, every bit of you without exception. Looking at you is like seeing a dream piece materializing in front of me and it’s soothing and pleasant beyond the possible. You are also more than that, my little prince. Far beyond just the aesthetic aspect. And you're mine, aren't you?"

"Yes, Drew."

"So say it. Say you are mine and then say something good about yourself that makes you deserve to be mine. Can you do this?"

"Yes," Neil nodded. "I'm yours, Daddy. And I deserve it because I'm disciplined."

“Yes, you are. What else?” Andrew raised an eyebrow and placed a soft hand on Neil's thigh, caressing his skin and feeling him slowly relax under the touch.

“I'm yours, Daddy. And I deserve it because I'm brave and don't give up easily,” Neil covered his face with his arms, squirming to try to hide how flushed he was. "I'm sorry, Daddy, I don't know what else to say."

“That's alright, my baby. Let me do the honors, then,” he moved his hands to cup Neil's face and slowly pulled him into a sitting position. They stared at each other while sitting on the mattress and Andrew made sure to keep his eyes on Neil as he started to speak, “You are kind, respectful, trustworthy, smart, affectionate, cute, handsome… I look at you and honestly see the most perfect and real person I have ever met, and you’re so well behaved. You are precious, unique, and for all of that, you deserve to be mine,” Andrew raised a hand that was on Neil's cheek to his hair, and he stroked it until Neil closed his eyes and cracked a small smile in delight. “You are a good boy and I want you to know how proud I am that you called and asked for help, yes? This is very important and I’m glad that you trust me and are responsible for recognizing when you cannot handle everything by yourself. I'm here for this, baby. I will take care of you, I promise.”

There was a moment of silence before Neil opened his eyes again and Andrew instinctively recognized, even before he said anything, that Neil was in little space.

"Pinky promise, Daddy?" He asked, pouting, and his voice was much tender and softer now. He was looking at Andrew through his lashes and it was all so... fucking intense.

"Yes, pinky promise," Andrew held out his little finger and Neil accepted it, wrapping his own around it and smiling. "Do you understand now that you are the most impressive boy in the world?"

"I don't know, but I trust you."

“Ok, so trust me when I say that there is no one more perfect than you to be my baby boy. You are good, worthwhile, interesting, and more than enough,” Andrew booped Neil's nose with care and affection, and Neil giggled because of the tingling sensation of the touch.

"Daddy, can you hold me in your arms?"

"Yes, baby, come here," Andrew spread his arms.

Neil moved to change position and climb onto his lap. He sat carefully between Andrew's crossed legs and let himself be enveloped and held by the other man's strong arms. They just kept silent for a while, in the calm and comfortable room, a private and invisible bubble drawn around them.

Andrew lulled Neil until his face changed from open in a smile too bright in pure admiration. The latter raised a hand until he was holding Andrew's cheek and feeling the warmth of his skin against his own palm.

“You are so warm, Daddy. I like being around you,” Neil murmured, stumbling over the words.

“Do you, my baby? Do you really?” Andrew started tickling him casually and marveled at Neil's melodious laugh. They played like that until Neil could no longer get out of Andrew's hands and quickly ran out of air. “Do you want me to dress you up now, cupcake? I love to see your perfect body, but I don't want the baby to be cold.”

"Only if I can wear one of Daddy's big sweatshirts!"

“I don't see any problem with that. Do you want Daddy to choose something for you?” Andrew stroked Neil's plump cheeks with his fingertips.

“Mmhm. I do,” the boy nodded slowly, blinking his ice-blue eyes at Andrew.

They left the cuddle position for Andrew to get up and walk over to the wardrobe to look for something good enough. He fiddled with the hangers and finally pulled out a midnight blue sweatshirt that he thought would match Neil's eyes. He dressed the boy with patience and great care, handling him with affection until he was plunged into Andrew's sweatshirt, looking very pleased with himself for it. He gripped a handful of the fabric and held it tightly as if looking for the comfort he was actually finding there.

"How do well-behaved children say, little boy?" Andrew asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Thank you, Daddy!" Neil lifted his sweatshirt-covered hands and his grin was so big it went from side to side of his face.

"Good boy, you’re so polite and well-behaved, aren't you?" Andrew caressed Neil's hair fondly. "It reminds me that you deserve a reward."

"I do? Why, Dwew?” He twirled his tongue a little when he pronounced the nickname, and warmth spread through Andrew's chest.

“Because you admitted when you needed help, you looked for someone and communicated perfectly what you were feeling. Those are great things, pumpkin. You may choose a reward.”

"Whatever I want?" Neil's eyes lit up when he opened them wide.

"As long as it's within my reach, yes," Andrew nodded, watching as Neil clung more and more to the fabric of his sweatshirt.

“Alright. Will you kiss my stuffed animals?” He giggled.

"Is that what you want?"

“Yes, Daddy. I really want it,” Neil squeezed both hands together tightly and rocked back and forth in sheer excitement.

"So that will be your reward," Andrew held up a hand to stroke Neil's cheek once again, "Are your stuffed animals in your backpack?"

"Yes."

"Ok. Stay here, will you? I’ll go to the living room to get the backpack.”

Andrew turned on his heel and left the room slowly after making sure Neil wasn't going to protest. He went to the sofa and looked for the bunny until he spotted it on the end of the couch, opposite where they had been sitting before. He carefully took it and went through the kitchen to get a bottle of water and look for a snack before going directly to the room.

Neil was waiting in the same place when Andrew came back and first handed the water and the animal-shaped cookies package for him to replenish his energy a little. Neil ate through praises, encouragement, and a little help from Andrew then drank almost half the bottle of water at once. He extended grabby hands when he finished and Andrew readily handed him the bunny.

"This is Nyx, we are very close friends and she's heard a lot about you, Daddy," Neil smiled, hugging Nyx in a hug.

“Did she? I wonder if it was good or bad things...” He raised an eyebrow, narrowed his eyes, and crossed his arms.

“Obviously good, Dwew. You shouldn't even doubt that,” he pouted but not for long because Andrew reached up with his thumb on his lip to gently dismantle the pout.

Neil unzipped the backpack and started taking some plushies out of it. They weren't many or big, and he presented them all one by one, always smiling and arranging them all in a row on the mattress. When he was done, Andrew took each one slowly and did his best to distribute kisses across the soft surface of all the plushies. He felt Neil's impressed and admiring gaze on him all the time, stroking each of the toys with even more passion as soon as Andrew returned them to him.

"Hey, baby," Andrew called when he was done with all the stuffed animals, looking closely at Neil organizing them all around himself. “I have a few things to do, do you want to accompany me in the meantime? I have some activities for you too, what do you think?”

“Yes, Daddy! I want to,” Neil opened his arms and smiled until his eyes disappeared behind his cheeks.

Andrew leaned over to grab Neil's waist and lift him up in his arms until the boy wrapped his legs around the blond's torso, and then Andrew slid his hands to Neil's thighs, to better support him.

Andrew carried Neil into the office, and there he gently placed the boy on a rug near the desk. He crouched in front of him to take the backpack — Nyx — that Neil had grabbed before leaving and rummaged through the items inside. There was a pacifier in there and Andrew didn't hesitate to pick it up and offer it to the boy, who cheerfully opened his mouth to wrap around the tip and suck it inside his mouth.

The sight of Neil sitting cross-legged in his stockings, big eyes, wearing one of Andrew’s sweatshirt and the collar he had received, rhythmically sucking on the pacifier and playing with his fingers immediately blew the air out of the other man's chest and warmed his entire interior. He could just melt right there.

Andrew lifted a hand and slowly caressed Neil's cheek, who leaned in the direction of the touch.

“Wait here, okay, doll? I have something for you, I just need to go get it,” Andrew said and waited until the boy nodded, then he got up, walked over to one of the office cupboards, and took out a sketchbook and a box of colored pencils. He returned to deliver it to Neil and saw the exact moment when his eyes shone like fire as he inspected the items being handed to him. "I bought this for you because I thought you might like it."

They spent some time looking at each pencil one by one and Andrew even demonstrated how to use it by making some scribbles of his name on a blank page in the notebook. Neil had big attentive eyes the whole time. He opened on another blank page for himself later and shifted to change position and lie on his belly kicking his legs instead.

Before getting up, Andrew stopped to announce that he would be sitting at the desk — which wasn’t really far away; he would be within arm's reach of Neil — and he could ask if he needed or wanted anything. Neil took the pacifier out of his mouth to ask Andrew not to look at the drawing he was painting because it would be a surprise and he could only see it when it was done, and the blond obviously promised he wouldn't look.

About ten minutes later Andrew was sitting on the mobile chair, wearing his glasses and meticulously reading a text to correct it, and a quiet song was playing in the background, more for Neil than for himself.

He was two pages ahead of the correction when he stopped hearing the noise of the colored pencils roaming over the paper, replaced by the prolonged silence coming from the general direction where Neil was. When Andrew looked back, the auburn-haired boy was watching him while still sucking on the pacifier. The blond's heart did an insane twist and started beating violently inside his chest.

"Do you need help, baby?" He asked, holding the digital pen in one hand and adjusting his glasses with the other.

Neil took the pacifier out of his mouth, “I'm good, Daddy. I just finished the drawing and now I’m waiting to show it to you without disturbing you.”

“Oh, no, there’s no problem. Come here, darling,” Andrew patted his thigh twice, signaling Neil to climb onto his lap — which he did greedily, with his back against the other man's chest. "Let me see what you have there."

“I made a drawing of the story you told me, look,” Neil showed the paper, now colorful and full of hard lines, and started pointing at everything. “This is you and this is me. You are wearing an adult’s elegant outfit, black and red because I think these colors look very beautiful on you, and I am wearing a cute suit with a skirt. We are dancing at the ball, see? Oh, and there's a flower crown on your head because I thought it would look great. Flower crowns are cool.”

"Wow, my little prince, you really are very skilled, look at this," Andrew said, his attention entirely focused on the drawing.

"Did you like it, Daddy?"

“Of course I did. It’s so beautiful and well done, I’m impressed… My baby boy is so amazing, isn't he?” Andrew smooched Neil's arm. "Do you want me to hang this on the wall?"

"Um, no need... Your decor is beautiful, no need to spoil it by placing my drawing on the wall," Neil looked down and squirmed a little awkwardly.

"This is not true. I would be very proud to hang your drawing on the wall. Even more so because every time I looked at it I would remember you,” he began to trace soothing circles on the skin of the boy's thighs.

"Are you sure, Daddy?"

"A hundred percent. But it's okay if you don't feel comfortable. I can just leave it on the nightstand by my bed. It works too.”

Neil bit his lip. "No... Okay, you can hang it on the wall, no problem."

Andrew nodded and moved to rip the page out of the sketchbook. Then he reached into one of the desk drawers and pulled out a double-sided tape. He said, "Let's go to my room, I'm going to put it there because that's where I spend most of my time, so I'll be able to appreciate the drawing more."

They both got up and Neil put the pacifier in his mouth once more while holding Andrew's hand and following him. With the help of the tape, the drawing was hung on the wall near the bed and Neil seemed very proud of himself for yet another achievement.

They went back to the office and this time, instead of sitting on the rug, Neil sat on Andrew's lap in the chair and wrapped him in an octopus hug, trapping Nyx between their bodies and laying his head on the other man's shoulder.

There, with Andrew caring for Neil while they shared their skin's warmth and Andrew typed or sometimes read a few phrases in a low voice, plus Neil sucking on the pacifier and occasionally having his back rubbed affectionately by Andrew, it looked like Neil felt so calm that he fell asleep in a blink. So fast that Andrew spent some time wondering if he was really asleep.

The tiny snores he let out were like an electricity generator that made every inch of Andrew's body tingle and fill with warmth.

~

"Neil?" Andrew spoke the second the call was answered.

“Hey, Drew. Is there any problem?" He was sounding curious and a little concerned.

"Matt told me you're in the hospital," Andrew was obviously at least a little concerned, but he was trying not to let it out in his voice, because it might not be a big deal. Neil would have said if it was something serious. Probably.

"Do you know Matt?"

Obviously, that was the information that caught his attention, Andrew mentally mumbled.

“He knows Kevin, and we just happened to be at Kevin’s place at the same time. That’s not the point though.”

"Yeah, I don't think it is," Neil cleared his throat and took a deep breath. “I'm fine, Andrew. I'm just gonna have my top surgery and I needed to come to the hospital today to start preparations. The procedure itself is scheduled for tomorrow morning. I'm sorry for not telling you before, I just thought it wasn't a big deal.”

"This is important to you, isn't it?"

"Very much. Like, really a lot. I’ve been waiting for this for a long time.”

"So it's definitely a big deal," Andrew stated, in a flat voice. He didn't know why Neil hadn't said anything about it to him, but he knew the terrible ways that Neil's insecurity could act on him, so Andrew supposed both these things had some correlation with each other. "Are you alone?"

"Yes."

“Didn't you tell anyone else? Besides Matt, that is.”

"Matt was the only one who found out about the details, like the date of the surgery and stuff, but the rest of my friends only know about it superficially," he listed, and from his voice, it was possible to say that Neil was biting his lip.

"And I didn't know about it even superficially."

“Sorry. You're mad?"

"I'm not, it's alright," Andrew assuredly said. "Who's going to accompany you, then?"

“Uh… The hospital nurses? And the doctors?”

"Only them?"

"Yes. It's not like I have a family or a spouse to accompany me, and for now, any other visitor can only come during visiting hours,” by his tone, Andrew could tell that Neil was shrugging and acting nonchalant.

"For now?"

“Yeah, like, before surgery. Then, during the first recovery period, I think it doesn't have the same restrictions, although it still has to be a maximum of two visitors at a time.”

Andrew was silent for a few seconds, thinking. "Is it a problem if I go over there during your first recovery period, then?"

"What, why would you do that?" He sputtered.

"So you don't have to be alone after surgery, Neil."

“But I won’t be alone. There are doctors, nurses—,” Neil started to list, but stopped when he heard Andrew snort on the other end of the phone. "Ugh, alright, you can come if you really want to, but really there is no need, you're just gonna waste your time."

"I get to decide what is a waste of time for me or not."

"If you say so..." His voice trailed off a bit at the end. "I need to go now, but I'll text you later with the most suitable time for you to come."

“I’ll be waiting. Bye, little boy.”

“Bye, Daddy. Have a good night,” Neil sounded much softer and more affectionate now than at any time during the call, just before hanging up.

Andrew sighed as his body slumped on his office chair. Damn, he had been so worried. After a few minutes of taking deep breaths to calm himself down, he began to do his things for a long time and tried to get as much work done as possible if he wanted to have time to accompany Neil in the post-op.

A few hours later he received a message with the best time to visit and reorganized his own schedule to accommodate it, knowing that he would probably have to take some of the work to finish at the hospital but that was fine. He would be with his baby boy in such an important moment, and that was his priority.

A few more hours later he received some messages, including a photo of Neil dressed in the hospital gown and lying on an all-white bed.

Little one: Hi, Daddy :)

Little one: Are you sure you’re not angry?

Little one: I'm sorry, it wasn't my intention not to tell you

Little one: :(

Normally Andrew hated it when anyone used those face emoticons non-ironically, but he couldn't help but like anything Neil did, and consequently, he no longer felt the same way about using them when it was Neil doing it.

You: I'm really not angry, doll. I was just worried.

He didn't even put his phone aside to wait for an answer, because about five seconds later the sign that Neil was typing appeared on the screen.

Little one: Were you worried about me, Daddy?

You: I will not deny nor agree.

Little one: But you literally just said that a few messages above

You: It may be a hallucination of yours.

Little one: * Pretends to believe *

They chatted for more than two hours via messages and Neil explained that he had done some tests, talked to doctors, and taken a way too long shower before putting on the hospital gown because the nurses told him they had no way of knowing when the next time would be that he could shower — everything would depend on post-surgery recovery — so he took advantage while he had the opportunity.

Neil was the first one to go offline, because he had to rest for the surgery, and Andrew stayed awake for many hours finishing everything he needed to do from work.

The next day he slept too much but still woke up in time to wash his hair and go out for coffee with Renee. They sat, ate, and talked in the same cafeteria as always, and eventually, he told her a little bit about Neil. Renee just smiled tenderly through it all, and he could tell — not with much satisfaction — that she was seeing warmth in every part of him as he said each word, but he ignored it.

By the time Andrew arrived at the hospital, it was a little after the time Neil had indicated for him, so he went straight to one of the reception staff and said the patient's name to wait for the number and direction of the room in response.

Finally in the room, there were only two nurses nearby and a very inebriated Neil lying on the bed covered with white sheets. He gave a sloppy smile when he saw Andrew almost immediately and blinked slowly.

"Hi, you," he greeted with a hoarse voice. "Are you alright?"

Andrew narrowed his eyes and threw himself into a chair next to Neil's bed, quickly but effectively assessing the entire boy in search of anything that would indicate his condition. There wasn't much, really.

"You're the one lying in a hospital bed, so I'm the one who should be asking that question, don't you think?" Andrew replied. He was carrying a backpack, which he placed beside the chair where he was sitting, and crossed one leg over the other. Neil was still watching him closely. The nurses left shortly after and instructed Andrew what he should do if he needed to call someone. Once they were alone, the blond asked again, "Really, how are you feeling?"

Neil hummed, and even that was sounding a bit harsh. “I'm honestly very uncomfortable, but that's part of it. It’s probably because of the anesthesia wearing off and the compression binder that’s holding the dressing over the incisions or grafts tightly in place.”

He shifted a little on the bed and managed to change his position, only to lower the sheet to his waist instead of covering almost to his shoulders. Now Andrew saw the so-called compression binder, and from the way the edges of it were sinking into Neil's skin, he didn't doubt anything that was really tight as fuck.

"What else do you know about the surgery’s aftercare?" Andrew asked.

"They, um... They told me several things—," he was speaking slowly and slowly and stopped in mid-sentence. “Sorry, I took some painkillers. And a little bit of anesthesia. Sleep."

He barely finished speaking and had his eyes closed. Andrew steadfastly didn’t smile at that.

Neil was lying upright and with only his neck tilted to the side, his face slumped against the pillow. His breaths were heavy and rhythmic as was the lifting and falling of his chest.

In order not to just stare at the other man while he slept, Andrew pulled his backpack and shuffled around until he recognized his touchscreen laptop with his fingertips. He didn't have a table to use for support, so instead of using the entire laptop he picked up only the screen part and the digital pen, and would use that as a tablet.

Even though he had work to do, the first thing Andrew typed, as soon as the device was turned on and ready for use, was 'Top Surgery Aftercare' and he entered several pages, reading each word in all of them, saving everything in his memory and planning how he would put it into practice with Neil.

Andrew was his Caregiver, after all. What was that if not just him trying to do his job and looking after his little boy?

~ 

Neil's apartment was bigger than Andrew had thought when he looked at the building from the outside. The color palette of the walls, furniture, floors and decor, in general, was a variation of bluish-gray tones with some drops of rose gold on smaller objects — such as sofa pillows, a vase of flowers on top of the TV cabinet, and variable decorative pieces around the place.

Neil closed the door and locked it as soon as they were inside and looked around.

"Ignore the mess, I was kinda in a hurry when I left to go to the hospital," he said, running a hand over the back of his neck, "I'll tidy this up in a little while, I just need to drink some water first."

Yes, things were out of order, but it wasn't something that was going to affect them or that needed to be organized immediately.

So when they were going to the kitchen, Andrew said, "You aren’t going to tidy anything. You need to rest, Neil."

"But—"

"These are medical recommendations. It’s better if we follow everything correctly and you recover with minimal difficulties than to risk developing an infection, opening the stitches, or anything else."

Neil sighed, "Yeah, I think you're right anyway."

They had spent another six days in the hospital after Neil's top surgery. He was recovering with the help of doctors and nurses until the date of the postoperative appointment, which was also when Neil saw his new chest for the first time. He showed no more reaction than just a smile in front of the hospital staff, but when it was just him and Andrew in the room, he immediately started crying with the same smile on his face. It was a few long minutes while Andrew wiped his tears with his thumbs and held Neil tight.

Surprising himself, Andrew realized that he felt very happy and proud to be able to participate in that moment of Neil’s life, to be there for and with him. He thought that, even if they eventually followed opposite paths, it would be better for Neil to remember having someone accompanying and caring for him through it all, rather than remembering to be alone in a hospital room.

Andrew could tell how much lighter Neil seemed to be, how he was in a constant good mood despite being anxious to spend so much time in a hospital, and, for a few times, how he had cried in silence with a huge smile on his lips when he thought Andrew wasn’t seeing.

After the postoperative appointment, Neil was finally released to continue his recovery at home. The day previous to that, they both had argued about how Andrew would continue to participate in Neil's recovery, which Neil promptly denied at first on the grounds that he didn't want to be a nuisance. But after Andrew stared at him fiercely for only five seconds, he gave up on it and they agreed to stay at Neil's apartment. Both of them.

So, this is where they were now.

After drinking water, they walked to the master suite and Neil threw himself right on the bed. He laid on his back, as it was the only position that didn’t risk any damage in the area of surgery, and sighed dramatically.

"I hate not being able to take a shower," he complained. "You should avoid me until the day I can shower and be, like, a person again."

"Not happening. Also, tomorrow I’ll buy one of those short capes that the doctor recommended to avoid getting your chest wet, and then you will be able to take a shower," Andrew remembered him and walked to the foot of the bed to assess Neil. "What do you want to wear?"

He whispered something, but Andrew didn't hear so the blond raised an eyebrow at him until he repeated what he had said.

"I want to wear a dress," Neil whispered, a little louder now.

"Ok. Can I choose which one or do you want to choose?”

"Pick one for me, Daddy?" Now he was batting his eyelashes.

Oh, so he was in that headspace. 

Neil hadn't slipped into his little boy space the entire time they were in the hospital. Not when they were accompanied by employees — because, after all, they wouldn't take those headspaces of theirs to other people who didn't consent to it — and not when they were alone, too. But now, since they were at his home, a place he felt safe, it seemed like Neil slipped at the first opportunity. 

Andrew was already used to Neil's dynamics, by the way. Age play and Age regression are different things, to begin with. In at least ninety percent of the moments, Neil would be age playing, and he would settle at an intermediate age for his behavior, around the age of eight. Sometimes, however, when he was especially in need of care and relaxation, his brain would unintentionally regress his own age to achieve this. When that was the case, it was impossible to predict how old he would be. By that time of their relationship, Andrew had dealt with him as a toddler, infant, and once as a teenager. Neil had already talked a little about what this experience was like for him and how it made him feel lighter.

Also, in neither case — age playing or age regressing — they had any sexual involvement. No. Their dynamics agreement covered a friendly relationship between the two, and Andrew would keep it that way as long as he could — or, as long as the growing warmth inside him allowed.

Bearing all this in mind and seeing that Neil was giving him the signal that he needed care, Andrew also allowed himself to slip into Neil's Daddy's complete state of mind.

“Okay, baby. But you don’t have to use what I choose if you don't want to, alright?” The blond said, as softly as he managed.

Neil nodded and stood up to sit cross-legged in the middle of the bed while he waited.

Andrew took his sweet time to choose something. The clothes were divided by colors in the wardrobe but that wasn’t the requirement that Andrew would take into account. He looked for the looser dresses because he wanted Neil to be comfortable in whatever he was going to wear. After much searching, he settled in a purple ruffled stretch cuff dress. It looked simple and was actually quite adorable, in addition to loose-fitting exactly as Andrew was looking for.

He showed the outfit to Neil and he immediately nodded in approval.

"I'm going to help you get dressed, can I?" Andrew asked, approaching the bed again.

"Yes, Daddy."

The blond opened button by button of the shirt Neil was wearing and took it off carefully until he had his torso bare except for the compression binder and bandages on his chest. He again asked for Neil's permission to take off his pants and, once it was granted, he did it as carefully as possible.

When Neil was inside the dress, he ran his hands through the fabric and smiled.

“You look like a doll, you know? My perfect doll,” Andrew said, raising a hand to caress the boy's face. Neil delighted in the caress.

"Daddy, are we going to play?" He asked, his eyes shining.

"You have to eat and take pain medication, so if after that you are not sleepy, we can play with your plushies for a little bit."

"I would love that!" Neil's smile was big enough to cover his entire face.

"Perfect then. Do you want to help me make dinner or would you rather wait while I do it?” Andrew asked, extending a hand to help Neil get up from the bed and guide him into the kitchen.

"I'm ok with just watching, Daddy."

Andrew nodded, and when they got there, he put Neil sitting on one of the kitchen island stools. The blond moved around the room, looking for items, ingredients and only sometimes asking Neil where to find some of these things. Once he had everything he needed in hand, he started to prepare the first recipe he had thought of.

Andrew was in the process of preparing the porcini he had soaked and chopped it roughly when he noticed that Neil had propped his elbows on the island bench and then propped his chin in both hands, watching Andrew intently. He really took it literally when he said 'I'm ok with just watching', Andrew thought.

"What are you doing, Daddy?" Neil asked.

"Mushroom and lemon risotto, sweetheart."

"Mm, I like mushrooms," he hummed in appreciation.

"Given the amount and variations of mushrooms I found in your cabinets, I find this easy to believe," Andrew gave a small snort.

"Do you know something I like but I can't eat?"

"No, what is it?"

“Date fruit. It's so delicious but I'm allergic, which is very, very sad for me.”

"Date fruit is really good, it tastes like candy," Andrew conceded, as he added olive oil in a wide, shallow, non-stick pan and added the chestnut mushrooms.

Neil giggled, "You like sweets a lot, don't you, Daddy?"

"Yes, I do. You yourself are one of the sweets I appreciate the most.”

"How sappy," he giggled once more. "I like it."

For at least forty minutes while Andrew continued to cook their food, Neil continued to whisper secrets about himself and sat politely on the stool, and Andrew thanked him for every bit of confidence the boy placed in him and offered his baby a few small pieces of truth about Andrew Minyard as well. Eventually, Neil also started talking about his fears, and that part got a lot more attention, in addition to a short break from preparing food to give Neil a hug and tell him how strong a boy he was.

"Daddy, your food smells so good," Neil praised and sent Andrew a kiss through the air.

"You think?" The blond gave Neil a tiny, tiny smile as he mixed the parmesan, the butter, and the risotto together.

"Definitely. Thank you for making food that smells so good, and it sure tastes just as good, for me.”

“Of course, baby boy. I already said I was going to take care of you, didn't I?” Andrew raised an eyebrow. Neil blushed, smiled, and nodded vigorously. "And I definitely intend to keep my word, so..."

"Thanks anyway, Daddy," Neil's voice was all cute, soft and charming, looking light and satisfied.

Andrew nodded and put a genuinely delighted expression on his face as he turned off the stove. “Alright then, now dinner is ready. Can you help me by picking up the plates and silverware, little angel? Do it carefully.”

"Yes. Thank you for letting me help you.”

"Of course, baby."

Neil took a plain white glass plate with few usage marks for Andrew, and a purple, with flower designs for himself. He waited while Andrew served the two of them some food and then guided Neil to the table where they would eat, always careful.

"Do you want help with eating?" Andrew asked after they sat side by side.

"Thanks, but I can eat alone," Neil grinned. "I will be able to use my magic wand spoon!"

"This is so nice, look at this big boy who can eat by himself," he nodded as he praised, showing satisfaction, and Neil all but blushed and batted his eyelashes. "Good appetite, then."

For the next few minutes, the only sounds were of the cutlery against the plates and the occasional humming of Neil, who looked satisfied with the food. And he must have been more hungry than Andrew thought, because he ended up eating a lot more than expected — thank Satan, after all, it wouldn't be good to have to deal with possible anemia while recovering from a surgical procedure.

After dinner, Andrew gave him the pain medication and waited while he took the pill with a gulp of water to praise him for being brave and taking his medicine so well. He quickly arranged the dishes in the dishwasher before going to the bedroom with Neil.

Andrew had said they would probably play, but Neil was already practically clinging to him to stay awake, and even the boy was admitting that he needed to sleep. Apparently, both the medicine and the tiring day of moving from the hospital room to the apartment had exhausted Neil's last ounce of energy, and now he was yawning and getting heavier and heavier.

Once they were in the bedroom, Andrew again helped Neil change his clothes and put on comfortable, loose pajamas that buttoned in the front so he didn't have to make any sudden movements or raise his arms to dress it.

Andrew filled the bed with plushies everywhere possible around Neil, to prevent him from having room to move and ending up changing his position in the middle of the night. The doctor had said it was still better for him to sleep on his back to ensure there’s no added pressure or weight on the surgery site, so better safe than sorry.

He promised to stay by the bed until Neil fell asleep completely, so he pulled out a chair and scrolled through his phone while Neil watched him with his big, sleepy blue eyes.

"I appreciate you taking such good care of me, Daddy," Andrew thought that was the softest Neil’s voice he had ever heard, and he thought he could literally be melting all over the bedroom floor. “You are special to me and you make me very happy, thank you. I like you so much, I just wish you liked me back.”

Andrew was left with no reaction for about two minutes. His phone screen went black due to inactivity and he couldn't care less.

He looked at Neil, illuminated by the pastel blue light from the cloud-shaped lamp that hung on the wall above the headboard, and was frustrated to see that he was already asleep.

Andrew had questions and so many things to say, but now he would have to wait while he was stuck with all of it in his mind.

Oh, great.

Fuck.

~

Soft, melodious music was echoing throughout the apartment when Andrew came in as he was adjusting his glasses on his face and opening the top buttons of his shirt. This put him on alert and he proceeded carefully inside. Songs like that were a strong indication of Neil being in the little space, and the last thing Andrew wanted to do was scare him or make him drop by accident.

The apartment was tidy and smelled of strawberries and cinnamon, as well as with all the windows open, illuminating the place well. The sound seemed to come from the living room, so this was where he first walked.

Andrew was pondering whether or not to make a noise to announce his arrival when he heard Neil's voice, "He once said I look like a teddy bear, and he always calls me cute things and tickles my tummy," he paused considerably and Andrew wondered who he was talking to just before he continued, “Oh, I don't like my body very much, but he does, and sometimes I believe him when he says I'm his perfect doll,” Neil giggled. His voice was sweet and velvety, stumbling over a few words but still understandable enough. "He doesn't even care about my scars, you know?"

For some reason, Andrew once again felt the now familiar feeling of his chest heating and expanding, a feeling he had learned to identify mostly as wholesome, and even knew how to appreciate it now.

He finally decided to announce his presence and placed his messenger bag on the table carefully but still purposefully making a little noise.

"Hey, baby angel, I'm here," Andrew said, making himself heard but still keeping his voice soft and calm.

"Hi, Daddy," it was possible to hear the cheekily smile in Neil's voice. "I'm in the living room, come here."

And Andrew went, but he wasn’t at all prepared for what was waiting for him there. He stopped in place when he reached the door and looked somewhat dumbfounded at the image in front of him.

Neil was sitting on his calves near the coffee table, where he had arranged a tea set and some of his plushies. By the way, the person he was talking to was Mitski, his stuffed duck. That was the least of things.

The real thing was that Neil was wearing a white sheer tulle babydoll with bows and ruffles that looked soft and delicate on his skin, hiding nothing of what he was wearing underneath — lace white briefs and his compression binder. The dress should be a set with the collar he was wearing — since it wasn't one of the collars Andrew had given him, nor was it part of their dynamic, but rather merely an accessory —, which was also white sheer tulle and completed with a bow in the center.

On top of his head was a pair of rabbit ears that looked soft and pleasant to touch, his auburn curls were perfectly arranged, his eyes shone with glitter pigments spread over his eyelids, some pastel pink, yellow and blue barrettes were spread over his hair, carefully not to interfere with the rabbit ears, and there was a fucking tail. It was attached to the briefs he was wearing and kinda hidden under the babydoll, but Andrew saw it anyway.

Neil was impeccable. Andrew was going to die. Neil was going to be Andrew's death.

The auburn-haired man was looking at him through his lashes, in silence, with big, innocent blue eyes and smiling without showing his teeth. Andrew wanted to give, give and give. He wanted to give everything that Neil asked him. He wanted to give the world to Neil even if he didn't ask. He wanted to give everything that would make Neil feel good.

So he took a deep breath, removing the cuff links from his dress shirt and rolling his sleeves up to reveal his armbands, walked over to the couch, and sat down comfortably. The whole time Neil's gaze was attentively on him.

Andrew didn't know what could have caused Neil to age regress right now, but he knew that that was what it was, so Andrew needed to be careful while going on, because little space is fragile at times. On a superficial note, Neil looked fine and relaxed now, and that was a good sign.

Andrew held out his hand. "Come here, bunny," he said.

Neil nodded and crawled across the floor until he was sitting on his calves in the space between Andrew's spread legs, looking up at the blond.

"Are you okay, cupcake?"

"Yes, Daddy," Neil grinned.

"That's good," Andrew held out a hand to scratch under the boy's chin. "What are you doing here?"

"Playing tea time with my friends," he pointed to the plushies.

“Yeah? You’re looking too cute for tea time, bunny.”

"Am I?"

"Definitely," Andrew ran his hand carefully over Neil's face. "I'm even afraid of touching you too much and ruining it."

“No, Daddy, you can touch. Touch me,” he rested his hands on the floor, tilted his head back enough that his face was completely upward and closed his eyes. Andrew snorted tenderly and held his cheek with a caring hand. Neil immediately leaned into the touch and smiled, nuzzling against Andrew's palm slowly. "Daddy, I want to play like a bunny."

"You do?"

"Yes," he barely whispered.

Andrew is sure he had something to talk to Neil about, something he wanted to talk about, and he wasn’t a man who forgot anything, but right now he couldn't get a clue what he possibly wanted to talk about before he walked inside the apartment. And it wouldn't be fair to have very important conversations with Neil when he's in the little space anyway, so that would have to wait.

"I can do this, just tell me how you want to play," Andrew ran his thumb under the other man's eyes, which were still closed.

The quiet music was still playing, and now he had identified that it came from the small stereo next to the TV.

“I dunno. Just wanna be bunny,” Neil pouted.

The tip of Andrew's lip quirked upwards just a little bit, which was once rare but now gradually happened more and more because of Neil, and he whispered, “Okay. So remember that bunnies don't speak, okay? What are your non-verbal safewords?”

Neil put a finger on his neck, then two and finally three — green, yellow and red, respectively; continue, wait and stop.

"Good boy. Do you want to get your pet play equipment? Knee pads, elbow pads, gloves...” Andrew asked, and Neil shook his head. "Are you sure? But then you might be sore when we're done.”

The auburn-haired man looked at his knees against the carpet and shook his head again, and this time he also put a finger to his neck while looking directly into Andrew's eyes. Green.

"It's all right. I trust you to tell me if something changes.”

Neil smiled contentedly and wrinkled his nose just before nudging Andrew's leg with it.

Just as he had promised, the blond had bought Neil a short cape and helped the other man to shower that morning. He had a collection of bath items and cosmetics with different smells of fruit, and right now he was smelling like strawberries to match the place.

"Come on, little bunny, lay your head here," Andrew tapped his thigh twice.

Neil did as he was asked and his hair rubbed and tickled Andrew's thigh when he laid his head down, even over the fabric of the blond's pants. He was all soft edges and delicacy now, and he never took his blue eyes off Andrew's face. His impossibly big lashes added perfectly to that and so did his plump cheeks.

At times like this, Andrew thought Neil was the perfect sub he had been unconsciously looking for. He had given up on finding anyone even slightly like Neil for quite a long time, because Andrew was sharp and tough, and he thought that the only thing he could get in return, the only thing he deserved , was someone just as harsh as him. Andrew was often inaccessible, reclusive, incomprehensible; he was pitch black down to his core and that was just how he was. And that was okay. He was okay with that.

He never imagined he could have a dynamic that worked with someone as docile and graceful as Neil. He never thought it would work with anyone, to tell the truth. But being with Neil was just… easy. And sometimes he remembered that the reason for that was because, deep down, Neil wasn’t just a fragile and unprotected thing. He had enough scars to show otherwise, after all. He was very strong behind all his sweetness and sighs, and maybe that's why Andrew admired him so much.

Neil found a part of Andrew that wasn’t shadowy, bleak and bitter, and made a home there. He discovered a part of Andrew that was careful on its care, soft on its edges, and could be fragile at times; a part Andrew had forgotten that existed.

Andrew has been on the scene for some time now but he has never felt joy during a scene with another sub. Pleasure, yes. But joy? Not until Neil. Notice, he liked being in charge and took that responsibility seriously, so on a certain level he did enjoy the experience with other people, but after Neil, he realized it had been on totally different levels, in totally different ways.

Having someone to fully care for at such a level of delicacy provides some sense of euphoria that Andrew hadn’t experienced before Neil. The bond between a Caregiver and a little is beyond comprehension and explanation, it is pure in its nature and perfect in its execution. Andrew liked it so much for all the confidence in someone giving themselves to someone else's care, for the fun of seeing the little one smiling or playing, for the responsibility, for the loyalty… He had grown to learn that the affection of a little one is the sweetest and purest of the world.

Neil would think his stuffies were cute, or his clothes, or anything else he liked and trusted Andrew enough to show that to him, and let him access that part of Neil's life. But for Andrew, the real cute thing was Neil. Everything he did was what Andrew really got attached to.

He was happy for his little one, and look if that wasn't kinda funny.

His little one, by the way, who was still looking at him with admiration and affection, and he felt himself melt from it.

"Baby bunny, do you think you need something to put in your mouth?" Andrew asked, and Neil nodded.

Andrew looked around intently. He reached out to reach the drawer next to the couch and pulled out a box. Neil used to leave pacifiers around the house for greater accessibility, and Andrew opened the blue box to find a pastel pink and white pacifier. He placed it next to Neil's lips and waited until he opened his mouth to push it inside.

Andrew looked for a place in Neil's hair where he was safe to caress — free from barrettes or a pair of rabbit ears — and started doing just that while watching the boy suck on the pacifier calmly.

“We're just going to rest for a while, okay? Then I have to change these clothes and put on something more comfortable instead.”

Neil nodded slowly but surely. He nuzzled Andrew, preening, and rubbed his cheek against Andrew’s thigh and hand with his eyes closed in delight. He let out a quiet exhale and suddenly raised his head, which had previously been lying down. He butted his head against his Daddy, settled onto his hands and knees, and suddenly started to crawl around, throwing expectant looks at Andrew over his shoulder every now and then.

His rabbit fuzzy tail was moving as he continued to crawl and the whole white tulle seemed to be floating around him. Neil stopped in a large empty space on the carpet, moved his hands as if he were trying to dig into the floor and then lay down, stretching and rolling to rub himself on the carpet.

Andrew watched with fascination and reveled in the relaxation and apparent happiness that Neil emanated, looking like he was enjoying himself. Nothing could make him happier than to see his little one satisfied.

Neil got into the habit of wrinkling his nose frequently while crawling around and playing with the rug or whatever, most of the time acting like he was trying to dig any object he put his hands on, but ultimately settling for just nuzzling it.

Andrew gets to watch right in front of him while Neil calms further by the minute. He smells everything and wriggles happily, tilting his head to the side whenever he finds any new object of interest.

At some point he sat on his calves and started playing with his own babydoll, patting it and throwing it around his body as if it were a veil that he kept lifting and releasing just to see it slide down again and cover his body.

He shook his head to make the rabbit ears move and played animatedly crawling around. That was his playtime and Andrew knew it, so he was letting him enjoy it while he stayed behind and watched from where he was sitting, with hot-longingly worship burning through him without boundaries.

Some other quiet music began to play, and Andrew thought he could see the appeal of it adding to the mood of the place. He knew he could watch Neil playing and having fun like that all day, but he also knew that given that Neil was already in the little space when Andrew arrived at the apartment, all that relaxation could just mean that at any time Neil's regression would fade away, and he would be tired when that happened.

Andrew got to his feet and started walking over to where his pet was. Neil waited for him on his knees and looked up expectantly when the other man was close enough.

"I'm going to change clothes and then we can cuddle in bed, little bunny, what do you think?" Andrew asked, reaching out a hand to get to caress Neil's cheek.

The latter put a finger on his neck and smiled impishly behind the pacifier. Green.

He went ahead, while Andrew was turning off the stereo, and crawled into the guest room, where Andrew had left the things he had brought with him for his days at Neil's apartment. He was waiting, sitting on his calves and with both palms planted on the floor in front of his body. The pacifier was no longer in his mouth though, and Andrew only needed a look around to find that on the bed mattress. Neil should be tired of it, then, if he had left it aside.

He remained obediently still, watching with veneration as Andrew undressed and changed into a tank top, sweatpants, adjusted the armbands in his arms, and replaced his glasses on his face. He ran his fingers through his own blond hair just to fix it and headed for Neil after he had put away the clothes he was wearing previously.

“Let's go to your room, okay? I think you like it there more than here anyway.”

Neil whined and nuzzled the top of his head by Andrew's legs when he was crawling out of the room, completing this with a pointedly look in the blond's direction.

The first thing Neil did as soon as he entered the room was to get on the bed. He struggled a little bit to do this while remaining on all fours, but he was successful. He lay on his side and waited anxiously for Andrew to follow him, and the blond snorted before doing so.

He climbed on the bed too, but sat and leaned his back on the headboard instead of lying down. He felt something soft brushing his arm and torso and looked to see Neil scooting closer. He nipped at Andrew’s arm gently with his teeth and curled up against him.

Andrew carefully put an arm around Neil and started stroking him, and he trilled in pleasure with that and, in return, Neil burrowed his face into Andrew's stomach and started to caress there with the tip of his nose.

"I don't know what I did to deserve such a good little bunny," Andrew whispered. “You’re so soft, kind, and good all the time, my angel, did you know that? That's why I like taking care of you so much.”

Neil basked in the praise and shifted until he was looking up at Andrew, lying on his back and using the other man as a pillow. He smiled and Andrew is pretty sure he purred too. He looked completely and happily surrounded by his Daddy so eventually, his eyelids started to get heavy as Andrew’s free hand stroked up and down his side, rubbed over his stomach and neck, lazily petting as he himself was slowly getting lost in his own headspace.

Andrew felt so good like this that it was practically impossible not to be carried away. He was making sure that Neil felt safe, held, and kept by the person to whom he belonged and who had devoted himself to looking after him, and the fact that he could trust Andrew this much almost took Andrew’s breath away from his lungs so many times since they met. The fact that the blond is able to do the same, that he can trust Neil to give him what he needs and allow this control because Andrew deserved something so precious… it takes down many of his defenses. Not only does Neil give something though, but Andrew, too. It’s their easy give and take.

"So perfect for me, baby bunny," his voice was low and almost soft. "I'm so very lucky you're mine."

He watched as the last drop of consciousness escaped Neil and he finally fell asleep once and for all, and Andrew allowed himself to get lost in his own mind as well. He doesn't know how long he had been out in a trance, but he snapped out of it when his brain registered that it had darkened outside.

He raised his hand and tried to reach for the cloud-shaped lamp that hung on the wall above the headboard to turn it on, but his movement must have been rougher than he expected because Neil shifted and slowly blinked his eyes open.

The pair of rabbit ears had come out of Neil's head at some point while he slept, but the colored barrettes were still almost all firmly in his hair.

Andrew waited a few moments and said in a low voice, “Hey. You can speak now, by the way. ”

"Hey," Neil replied immediately, his voice still groggy from the nap.

"How are you feeling?"

The sigh he took was almost dreamy. "Too well. I’m perfect.”

"That’s good," Andrew nodded and ran a hand over his arm. "I really loved this set you are wearing, you know."

Neil looked down as if to check his own clothes. He then spread completely until he was taking up tremendous space in the bed, getting more comfortable.

"I also like it. I've been saving it for use for the first time specifically after top surgery. My self-indulgent celebration.”

"Andrew indulgent, too," Andrew said, and Neil chuckled. “Can you get up now? You need to eat and drink water,” the auburn-haired man grumbled and tried to close his eyes the harder possible. "Come on, there's something I want to talk to you about."

That caught Neil's attention, and he looked equal parts concerned, curious and anxious. So there was no need to say anything else for him to push himself up and practically jump out of bed. Andrew got up after him and took time stretching himself after who knows how long in the same position. He imagined that Neil also needed some stretching, but he was fidgeting to get out of the room instead, so Andrew thought he would work it out later.

"Come on," the blond called, walking outside and waiting while Neil followed beside him. "Are you hungry?"

"A bit but nothing much," he blurted out.

Andrew nodded and led them into the kitchen, told Neil to sit on one of the island's stools while he went to the fridge to get a bowl with cubed kiwi pieces inside. He put it in front of Neil and only acknowledged that he was restless before turning on his back to get the lemon juice, water, and two glasses.

Neil, thankfully, waited almost patiently until Andrew had put everything on the island bench before saying, "So, what do you want to talk about?"

"Drink the water first, then eat and, if you would like, drink some lemon juice," Andrew ordered. Neil nodded frantically and grabbed one of the glasses to pour water as if his life depended on it. Andrew took a deep breath and remained placid as he walked until he was standing beside Neil's stool and positioned to carefully stretch Neil’s muscles while he ate. "Do you remember what you said last night, Neil?"

The auburn-haired man frowned as he thought and chewed a piece of kiwi but ultimately shook his head.

"I don't remember," he said.

“You are special to me and you make me very happy, thank you. I like you so much, I just wish you liked me back,” Andrew quoted exactly the same words that Neil had said just before falling asleep.

Andrew was stretching the other man's legs and massaging his knees, so he purposely didn't pay much attention to anything other than that, to give Neil a sense of privacy and not overwhelm him, but Andrew knew he had stopped chewing and was frozen in place with his face contorted in something like regret.

"Oh," his voice was small, and he gulped. “You see, that's why I hate painkillers. Or medicine in general.”

Andrew straightened his stance and looked over his glasses to look for Neil's eyes, but he failed because the man in question was looking away from him at all costs.

"Neil, look at me," he asked, but he kinda ordered it too.

After taking a deep breath and blinking hard a few times, Neil turned his face away until he was looking at Andrew.

“I'm sorry, Drew. This is not a big deal, nor is it important, really, just don’t… don't abandon me?”

His effort not to look away again was noticeable and by his voice, he also seemed about to whimper right then and there. The kiwi bowl was forgotten on the island's countertop.

"Sorry for what?" Andrew asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Neil was still wearing that blessed babydoll, and it was making it fucking hard to get on with this conversation right now, but they had to do it. That was something they hadn’t discussed before and, therefore, wasn’t included in their dynamics as far as they were aware. Andrew wasn't exactly fond of unplanned things, so planning that was his way of sympathizing in some way with the situation. He needed to understand and clarify before coming to any conclusion.

"For lying and making you angry," Neil bit the inside of his mouth.

Andrew took a step closer to him. “You have nothing to apologize for. I’m not angry with you."

"Well, then you should, because I lied to you.”

"About what?"

"About that," Neil gestured expansively. “We said no romantic or sexual involvement, we agreed with that. But I've been dying to ask for more from you for some time now. I should have known better, I should have communicated, at least.”

"Neil—"

“I just don't want you to leave me alone, Andrew. Not because of this, I mean. I mean—,” he tripped over the words. "If you want to end things you can and should, I won't try to force you into anything, obviously, especially if you don't want to anymore—"

"Neil," Andrew held up both of his hands at chest level and Neil stopped immediately, being caught by the movement. "Yes or no?"

Neil's blue eyes looked startled as he looked from Andrew's one hand to the other.

"Yes," he replied, attentive.

Andrew cupped Neil's face between his palms with the utmost delicacy that he had learned to use only with that man and that man alone. He looked deep into his blue eyes until he realized that Neil had relaxed at least a little after seeing that there was no threat in Andrew's gaze.

The blond still waited a few seconds before saying, “Even though it's true and we both agreed not to have a romantic or sexual involvement but rather strictly Caregiver and little, it wouldn't be fair of me to penalize you for that when I'm not exactly innocent about this either."

Neil needed some time. Initially, he just looked at Andrew with nothing but confusion written on his face. His eyes moved fast as he thought, and Andrew gave him time. They were silent and in the span of a few seconds Neil's expression shifted so many times until it stopped at something that was supposed to be realization. His mouth was open in an O shape and his eyes were wide.

"Are you saying you like me?" Neil asked. Incredulous, impatient and giggling.

"I didn't say that," Andrew deadpanned. Because even if he was trying, it was still so fucking difficult to say things.

"What did you say, then?" when the other man's eyes just bored into him and he said nothing more, Neil giggled. "May I touch you?"

“Yes.”

Andrew let his hands fall until they were both hanging beside his body. Smiling, Neil wrapped his arms around the blond's neck, until his elbows rested on the other man’s shoulders, and carded his fingers through the strands of light hair. This put them very close to each other, nose to nose.

Even after hours of napping, Neil still smelled like strawberry. His eyes were impossibly blue, having changed expression so quickly in the last few minutes since he heard what Andrew had to say and then until he found out what Andrew meant to say, that it was almost as if the previous apprehension had never even existed there.

His lips were quirked upwards easily and lazily in a smile far too pleased for his own good. Neil kept Andrew close and, for a long time, he did nothing more than just that. His breath was hot and smelled of kiwi in each of his reassuring breaths. Andrew had to take off his own glasses because they wouldn't stop fogging and leave them on the island's counter before turning his attention back to Neil.

"Andrew?" He whispered.

"Yes?" Andrew looked up, from where he hadn't realized he had been staring at Neil's lips to hi s blue eyes. Gleaming fiercely.

“The boy wanted to be taken care of, and the man decided that he would protect him with all of himself because that was his most beautiful possession, the one for which he held most affection,” Neil quoted the exact same words Andrew had once said to him, as if they were carved into his memory, ready to just show up anytime he needed them. “And the boy fell in love with the one person who saw in him a lot more than he himself knew was possible to exist. Do you get it, Andrew?”

"I think so, Neil," he might as well indulge in this little play and also repeat Neil's words back to him.

"Let me put it in easier words for you, may I? I like you," his fingers caressed Andrew's scalp.

They both went quiet then. Andrew searched the other man's face for something that even he wasn't sure what it was, but he cut it off right away when his focus changed and he started to be drawn more and more closer by a set of sensations within him.

Andrew's hands slid up to Neil's thick thighs and slowly made his path until he was firmly grasping the auburn-haired man's wide waist over the babydoll's white sheer tulle. Soft to the touch, cherished.

Burning liquids, such as gasoline and oil are lighter than water. That makes them float on top of the water if you try to put them all together, that’s why you shouldn't put out a grease fire with water. All it’ll do is float the fuel out and then spread fire all over, burning yourself and everything around you. And, curiously, Andrew and Neil's stares at each other at that moment felt too much like pouring water over a grease fire. Too much like burning, but if that was what it was like was to become ash, he would do it over and over again. It was the sweetest kind of hurt, the softests of the pain. Too much like a silky inferno.

But what has fire always been for Andrew if not attractive? Vibrant and flashy colors, strong in scent, and sharp pain to make it impossible to forget that those flames are burning right there.

Neil was patient even though his eagerness was visible without much effort, and Andrew knew he was waiting by the time Andrew asked, "Yes or no?"

Because Neil's eyes shone in that fatal and attractive way and he replied without thinking twice, "Yes."

And despite all the fire, and all the feelings that felt too much like lava on his veins, as Andrew inclined his head and finally pressed his lips onto Neil's, he sighed into a silence that stretched its way into his bones. It was that type of quietness that came with winter nights by the fire, stargazing, and perfect contentment. It was consuming but it was soft, comfortable, and familiar in the way that only cherished things could be, even if they’re new.

As Neil sighed back and inclined his head further into everything Andrew was offering him, pressing together with eagerness and care, opening his mouth to him and making Andrew almost sigh again, the silence seemed to settle even further.

Andrew slid one of his hands to the center of Neil's back, keeping the other on his waist, and deepened the kiss. His tongue found Neil's and the intensity of the touch didn't make any of them rush like Andrew might have believed it would when he had thought about it before. No, much on the contrary; it only seemed to settle them on their plans. It was all about exploring, discovering, and finding that new familiarity as slowly as possible, with every intention of drowning themselves in all the fire and lava that rushed down into that sensation of peace and belonging that made the both of them shudder.

It was slow, it was soft, and it was everything Andrew could feel, see, hear, taste, and smell. It dulled and overwhelmed at the same time. Soothed and stung all his sharp edges. It was what made all that silence whole. It was everything, and he couldn't make himself stop from kissing Neil's plump lips, feeling his body under his hands, coaxing all those breathy sighs from the most beautiful, kind, and lovable man he had ever met in his life.

And despite all the fire from before, that kiss felt like a light summer breeze that made you sigh and think ‘I'm home’.

Neil was all giggles while leaving graceful kisses all over Andrew's face and his jaw, having fun with it and making popping noises with each new place he kissed. A song and the comforting crackling of flames by its own right.

"You shouldn't raise your arms until you fully recover from the surgery," Andrew mumbled with his eyes closed since he was too busy feeling , because what else could he do now?

"I'm fine though," Neil smiled against the other man's lips.

"Go eat your kiwi, Josten."

It took some time and some very unexpected chills when Neil kissed Andrew's neck until he finally obeyed and picked up the kiwi cubes again and threw them in his mouth. Andrew didn't quite feel like getting far away, however, so he settled behind Neil’s stool and continued to kiss the curve of his neck, his back, his cheeks, and wherever else Andrew could reach.

~

It was a very quiet day at the cafe, considering what Andrew was used to facing on the days when he came for his routine coffee dates with Renee. There were no children shouting, no businessmen thinking they owned the place just because they were late, and no too-large families who confused employees with their orders because they never made up their minds about what they wanted.

Everything was quiet and the few tables occupied had only a few people polite enough to keep their things to themselves. Renee was talking about having been hired to teach at a new school, one that was apparently good enough and was everything she had ever dreamed of, or something like that.

"Will you be teaching and coordinating the high school band?" Andrew asked, sipping on his coffee.

"Exactly that," Renee smiled cheekily. “It's high school, after all, so maybe I can help some kids find out that music may be their future. Just like it happened to me.”

"I think the church choir is a little different than a high school band, but I get your point," he said and Renee chuckled. "And does that pay enough?"

"Well, that’s not my priority, but the wage is good."

"I hope it really is," he frowned.

“I know you can’t help but be an incredible friend, but you don’t have to worry about me, I know how to be an adult,” she half-joked.

"Nobody knows how to be an adult, Renee, and just the fact that you say that says a lot about how well you really aren’t."

The woman laughed and rolled her eyes good-naturedly. "Drama Queen."

The bell above the cafe’s door rang when it opened and the sound caught Andrew's eye for whoever was entering the establishment. His attention remained, then, when he recognized who was entering.

Neil was walking in that charming way he mastered perfectly towards their table, having spotted Andrew immediately when he entered the cafe.

He was wearing a white crop tank top with a rabbit drawing on the front, a purple high-waisted skirt, a large baggy coat the same color as the skirt, and white shaker platform boots. His beautiful legs were on display and it was there that Andrew's gaze was locked for a few moments before he had the decency to look at Neil's face instead and also see two white barrettes holding his hair in a very simple hairstyle.

Renee followed Andrew's gaze and waved at Neil before he even reached their table.

"I think that’s my cue, then," she said to the blond sitting across from her.

"You don’t have to—"

"See you next week, then? Have a nice day, Andrew," Renee cut him mid-sentence, gathered her things, and started walking out of the cafe. She stopped only to say to Neil, "Hey, I love your outfit."

"Thank you," he nodded at her with a smile.

When the auburn-haired man pulled up a chair to sit next to Andrew, Renee had already disappeared through the door and across the sidewalk. He sighed and sipped his coffee once more.

"Hey, cupcake," Andrew said and accepted when Neil pecked him on the lips.

"Hi," he grinned.

"You look very beautiful today."

"Really? Thanks, I left the apartment a little too quickly because I was late and I was afraid I looked like a mess."

"Not at all," Andrew slid his hand to rest on Neil's thigh and won another smile in return. "Now, I know we came here to readjust the terms of our contract, but there's something I want to talk to you about."

Neil grunted. "Andrew Minyard this is the second time you've said that to me and it's making me just as nervous."

He snorted and shrugged. "This time there’s less talking, I think, actually."

"Alright, what is it?"

He was silent to wait for an answer while staring at the other man.

Ok, that was a simple thing to do, Andrew had no reason to overthink and make things difficult for himself. Thinking that way, he put his hand in his pocket without considering too much, took out a small black matte box, and placed it on the table.

Neil blinked and squinted at the box, but didn't try to touch it.

"Again, what is it?" He asked once more.

"Open it."

Now, he reached over and took the box between his fingers. He spun it and looked at it first before finding the lock and unlocking it. It wasn't a big box and it didn't really have much inside, so just a set of iron items fell into Neil's lap and made him even more curious. He was really curious now so he moved quickly to pick it up and put it in front of his face, looking intently.

"Are these... keys?"

"Spare keys. For my apartment, my bedroom, my playroom and my car," Andrew replied, pointing to each one as he spoke.

Neil's eyes went wide and he squeezed all the keys into his closed fist as if he was afraid they would escape him. He looked from his hand to Andrew and from Andrew to his hand.

"Thank you so much, Andrew. Thank you for trusting me," Neil’s face was flushed and his eyes seemed to be teary but his smile was wide.

"Yeah, whatever," he shrugged, now wanting to let it go and not dwell on it more than necessary.

Neil laid his head on Andrew's shoulder and turned his face slightly to kiss the top of it.

"It's not whatever, it's important to me," the auburn-haired man whispered.

"I'm glad, then," Andrew cleared his throat. "Contract now?"

Neil laughed. "I see you trying to get away from it, Minyard. But I'm not going to let that happen anytime soon."

"Preferred Honorifics for the Caregiver/Dom," the blond read the first part out loud. He moved the hand that was on Neil's thigh to tickle his tummy and the other man dissolved into low chuckles.

"Stop it!" He tried to move Andrew's hand away but failed miserably.

Andrew only stopped when he made him promise to let that topic go, and they worked peacefully on the new contract for most of the morning, with new topics to accommodate their new relationship. They stayed together even after they finished, sitting side by side in the cafe and talking about those who were passing by.

Neil never once let go of the new set of keys he had got, holding them in a tight grip on his hand, and Andrew couldn't and wouldn’t take his eyes off this or off his little one, even if someone offered him money to do so. That fucking joy burned too bright inside him.