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Naruto is heartbroken. Though, it's more of a passing thought than a feeling... because while he knows Sasuke is gone, it just doesn't seem like it.
He can't be gone when he's constantly at the front of Naruto's mind. Sasuke is the picture of tragedy, and Naruto stumbles across it everywhere.
He finds pieces of his best friend in the darkest places. The burden he shoulders for Sakura, the vow he made to Sasuke years ago, both serve as a welcome reminder of what he's after. To this day, Naruto has never lost faith in himself or in what he believes, but he can't help but feel hopeless. Clinging to a person who has become unrecognizable, stuck in a one sided chase...
It's worse at night.
Being alone.
Kicking rocks in the evening calm, fathoming the fact that he could shuffle through intense battles in the span of ten minutes, yet spend hours walking lonely streets, mulling over his thoughts.
His confidence is signature, so it terrifies him that Sasuke has managed to wear it down. A bond so strong, a perfect match. Even without much social interaction during his childhood, Naruto could tell what was between him and Sasuke was rare. He was certain it couldn't be torn apart, he was certain he could make Sasuke stay.
Naruto slumped onto a bench nearing the edge of a ridge overlooking the village. As the sky shifted above him, the lamppost flickered making the scene surrounding him dingy.
What did their bond mean? Naruto lingers on the question as he makes his way back to his apartment.
Why did their bond exist if this was how things turned out?
As the slanted moonlight grew thinner, Naruto finds his way to his bed. What exactly was this bond they shared?
He thinks he understands the answer when it's late at night in his empty room, when his hands roam experimentally on his own form, he thinks he realizes the magnitude of his bond. It's not friendship. It's something deeper. Something both of them are too afraid to dig into.
But it's been three years... the thought of never seeing Sasuke again, the way they used to be, it wrecks his heart... and only in those dark moments does Naruto force himself to delve deeper into what Sasuke means to him.
Despite his shaking he lets his mind wander to the dark hair, dark eyes, dark expression... as he reaches into his pants to imagine those hands. He uses a touch as passionate as their traded punches, paired with a touch as fragile as those stolen glances. Sasuke's pale skin would glow in the moonlight, his ridiculous bangs would hang over his eyes, he would probably be rough. Naruto remembers their prolonged moments of shared silence they enjoyed together. The times they would argue. And he recalls everything in between, wishing that warmth would spread to his body, but he was as cold as ever.
Naruto could've carved into him when he was still in the village. He could've made Sasuke stay. He could've been enough for him to forget revenge. But he wasn't, because he was weak. And honestly he still is now.
I would be a good match for Sasuke.
Tears brim from the corners of his eyes as the truth bears down on his heat. Heat he imagined was Sasuke's, that gorgeous flame... dangerous and unyielding encased and released by the desires and passion of Naruto's wind. He wonders what would happen in that collision of forces. Would Sasuke feel their bond as high level shinobi? Would he meet him halfway? Would he finally see what lie between them... or would he leave?
Nothing was ever easy with Sasuke. Naruto remembers threatening to take off his limbs and drag him home. He smiles at the thought, as he imagines straining against pale skin, forcing down dark hair, wrecking the other's body limp... restraining Sasuke if he had to. Naruto's smile turns into a wince as he drags his hand faster.
Naruto loves Sasuke. He knows Sasuke loves him too, yet he still shivers in fear. Does Sasuke hate himself more than he loves Naruto? Choosing to live for the past, choosing isolation after it had been his own downfall. In giving away his own life for hate, has Sasuke fallen in love with sorrow? Does his love for Naruto only keep him farther away?
Naruto shuffles around with the thought. He knew Sasuke was self destructive. But it wasn't like that.
Love had nothing to do with it. Love didn't keep them together, so love wouldn't keep them apart either.
Then what was it about Sasuke that Naruto had such a hard time with? He loved Sasuke more than anyone else and it hadn't kept him here. Though at the same time, love was what kept Sasuke at the front of Naruto's mind and has kept him closer than before... tragic and heart wrenching, yet so much deeper than before.
Feeding off the pain he thought of Sasuke's sacrifice in the Land of the Waves and embraced his betrayal at the Final Valley.
He welcomed the steady flow of tears as he imagined Sasuke's features and felt the warmth finally spread to his entire body. His release pierced through him like icy wind, churning the flames at Sasuke's core, prolonging its sentence until a painful high. He hears Sasuke say his name, he feels a burning sensation in his groin and nails on his back. He cries out at the weight and intensity of his climax. Naruto is addicted to the pain, the familiar roughness of Sasuke's bond, and he holds onto it until it's ripped from his grasp.
Breathing heavily, he kicks his pants all the way off as they ended up looped around his ankles.
He scoffs, although Sasuke is the source of his agony, it's nice. He thinks there's something a little beautiful about a tragic longing for someone. The tears, the pull of the heart, the ache of the soul. There's something a little beautiful about unyielding darkness. After all, it's the same beauty he sees in Sasuke.
Naruto's mind wanders again... He bets Sasuke's skin would bruise easily from his lips, and that it would look kind of nice. He thinks Sasuke's cries in the middle of the night would sound frantic yet melodic. He thinks Sasuke's tear stained eyes would look pretty. No matter how broken Sasuke becomes, no matter how far he falls, to Naruto he's always beautiful.
Maybe he's just tired, or maybe it really is funny, but Naruto begins to laugh. The fact that he's let Sasuke run him to ruin is just pathetic. He knows that if it's pain at his friend's hand, Naruto would chase it.
It's two in the morning and he's made a mess of his mind and his bed, but exhaustion comes along with his satisfaction and he decides he doesn't care.
It's always lonely at night, but tonight is lonelier than ever.