Chapter Text
Despite what everyone believes, Doyoung can most definitely keep a secret.
He’s been doing so for the past month, which is already a feat in itself, because the last time he’d tried to keep a secret, he’d ended up spoiling Jaehyun’s birthday surprise in three days.
This secret, however, isn’t more important than his mate’s birthday, but it is definitely much bigger and something that could possibly change their lives forever.
As Doyoung leaves the building, he clutches the bag of pills close to his chest. He’s equal parts excited and nervous, and also a tad bit worried about how Jaehyun might react once the cat is finally out of the bag.
His phone buzzes in his pocket and he retrieves it to see that Jaehyun is calling him. Taking a deep breath to calm himself, he swipes to answer the call.
"Babe, where did you go?”
Doyoung tightens his hold on the paper bag, the little white lie ready at the tip of his tongue. “We ran out of tofu, I’m just at the store to get some. Do you need anything?”
“No,” Jaehyun replies. “I just thought you had another unexpected work call. I’ll just get started on lunch, then.”
“Mm,” Doyoung hums. “I’ll be back in a couple.”
“Drive safe. Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
When the call ends, Doyoung wastes no time in dialling a number he’s memorised by heart. Because as much as Doyoung has been keeping this very secret from everyone, there is one person who knew the reason why he’s had a medical appointment the past few weekends, and that is Lee Taeyong.
Having gone through what he had two years ago, he’d found himself finding comfort in Taeyong and his bright, admirable outlook despite his situation. Doyoung couldn’t have been happier that a beautiful companionship had emerged from something so terrible. In fact, Taeyong’s mate, Johnny, often teases about how inseparable they’ve become.
Xuxi will always be his best friend, but Doyoung has worries and insecurities that Xuxi would never be able to understand as a beta. Taeyong, an omega himself, has had years of experience when it came to dealing with his infertility.
One night, a year ago, Doyoung had had a breakdown of sorts.
He’d jolted awake from an intense dream about their loss, shaking and in tears. He’d quietly slipped out of Jaehyun’s hold and found himself calling Taeyong after the omega had sent him a text asking how he’s doing.
Doyoung had thought he was doing well, but the incident had been a timely reminder that it was something that he would have to carry around for the rest of his life. Of course, there were good days. But there were also days where everything seemed pointless.
No one but Taeyong knows about it. Not even Jaehyun. And Doyoung intends to keep it that way, because he knows he’s in a much better place than he was then. He wasn’t about to put his mate through any unnecessary stress, especially if it’s something that he’s slowly learning to live with.
When he’d shared the news of his decision with Taeyong a little over a month ago, the omega had voiced nothing less than his support.
“Taeyong,” he says, breathless with excitement when the call connects.
“So? What’s the verdict?” Taeyong answers without missing a beat, as if he’d been waiting on Doyoung’s call.
Doyoung nods, unable to hide a smile as he pressed the phone close to his ear. “I’ve cleared all the tests. I, um, got myself some pills so we could get started.”
There’s a pause before Taeyong speaks again. “I’m so happy for you,” he says, and Doyoung can make out the smile in his tone and the slight tremble of emotion.
“What are you even doing, calling me first?” Taeyong chides softly. “You should be with your alpha. Will you let him know today?”
The smile on Doyoung’s face dims, anxiety taking root in the thought of having to share the news with Jaehyun.
“I…” Doyoung’s mind takes him through the different ways it could go.
The last time any of them had brought the topic up in a conversation had been almost two years ago, when they were still struggling to pick up the pieces. Doyoung, in a desperate attempt to right his wrongs, had suggested that they gave it another shot. Jaehyun hadn’t been thrilled with the idea, and it had led to a string of nasty arguments they would both regret.
It wasn’t until recently Doyoung understood that Jaehyun had just been trying to protect him from another heartbreak. In retrospect, they hadn’t been ready then, and Doyoung might not have been keen on the idea of committing to something for the rest of his life, but everything they’ve been through have changed his perspective on a lot of things.
He’s ready, now. Yearns for it, even.
“I haven’t actually thought about how I’m going to do that,” he confesses.
“Whatever it is I’m sure Jaehyun would be happy,” Taeyong reassures him. His words manage to calm the turmoil in Doyoung’s heart, if only for a moment.
“I guess,” Doyoung hums.
“I won’t keep you any longer. Let me know how it goes. Good luck, Doie!”
++
The smell of spice welcomes him when he opens the front door.
Jaehyun is slaving over a pot of stew as he steps into the kitchen, and he makes a beeline for his alpha, arms snaking around from behind.
Jaehyun’s back shakes as he chuckles. Doyoung accepts the kiss to his cheek before burying his face into the soft cotton of his shirt.
“What’s with the affection?” Jaehyun wonders curiously, a small amused smile playing on his lips. Doyoung feels a tinge of guilt when he picks up on the slight uncertainty in the alpha’s tone. He’s not big on display of affection, and it shows in the way Jaehyun always startles when Doyoung initiates any form of skinship.
“I didn’t get the tofu,” Doyoung mumbles instead.
“That’s fine,” Jaehyun hums. “We’ll grab some on our next run to the grocer’s.”
Doyoung nods but has no intention of moving. Jaehyun lets him be, goes back to tending the pot. Jaehyun’s presence alone manages to lull Doyoung’s uneasiness until the raging thoughts in his mind turn into nothing but white noise. His heartbeat falls into a steady rhythm and he breathes in deeply, content.
Outside, dark clouds start to roll in quickly, the rumble of thunder accompanying a bright flash of lightning. Jaehyun laughs when Doyoung refuses to let go as he reaches over to shut the windows.
“Do you want me to feed you too, you big baby?” Jaehyun teases fondly as he turns off the stove and starts to prepare a meal for two.
Baby. Doyoung grimaces. He finally relents, Jaehyun’s choice of words making his stomach churn a little. He accepts a bowl and quietly denies Jaehyun’s offer of a cup of makgeolli.
They’re halfway into their meal when Doyoung finally decides to break the comfortable silence.
“I lied about going to the store to get tofu.”
Jaehyun looks up from his phone where he’d been typing a reply to the picture of a dog Johnny had sent.
“Oh?” Jaehyun sets his phone down slowly, eyes regarding Doyoung seriously.
Doyoung’s gaze fall to his bowl once more but he doesn’t feel like finishing the last of his stew anymore.
“I figured,” Jaehyun speaks again, this time with a kind smile in an attempt to soothe his mate’s apparent inner turmoil. “You’re not one to forget so easily.”
It works. Doyoung’s lips pull into the tiniest of smiles as he meets Jaehyun’s eyes once more. It falls away as quickly as it had appeared, and Doyoung worries his bottom lip as he sets his spoon on the table.
“I’ve been going to the doctor’s,” Doyoung begins, dragging out each word with careful consideration. A frown is already blooming between Jaehyun’s brows.
“Are you okay?” Jaehyun wonders with barely concealed worry.
Doyoung manages a small, breathless laugh, though his grip on the bowl tightens. “More than okay, actually.”
Jaehyun’s posture relaxes, but his face is still set in a frown. “What is it, then?”
“The last time we properly spoke about it was almost two years ago,” Doyoung continues.
Jaehyun catches on quickly and his jaw falls slack with realisation.
“But I’ve thought about it, and I’ve decided that I’m ready to try again,” Doyoung feels himself flush under Jaehyun’s intense gaze.
After what feels like an eternity, Jaehyun finally speaks.
“Just to be clear,” he says slowly, “You’re saying that you want to start a family?”
Doyoung nods eagerly. He hadn’t known that hearing Jaehyun say those words would bring so much relief.
“I went for every test and I passed every single one of them. The doctor says everything looks good."
His doctor had also advised him to take things slow, and to be wary of his own emotions in case of a repeat of the last time, but Doyoung figures that it’s something he would keep to himself for now.
Doyoung scrambles to his feet, disappearing from the kitchen and reappearing a couple of seconds later with a brown, crumpled paper bag in his hands. “I picked up some vitamins. The doctor says it’s not necessary, but I read that it helps, and I just—wanted to do things right.”
Jaehyun’s silence is unnerving. Doyoung feels a little silly as he stands in the middle of the doorway, pills clutched to his chest as he allows the hope in his heart to grow while Jaehyun stares at him like he’d gone mad.
“How long have you been planning for this?” Jaehyun wonders quietly.
“…a couple of months,” Doyoung confesses. Jaehyun nods pensively, looking away to frown at the ground instead.
The silence stretches on, and with every passing second Doyoung feels himself deflate with the possibility that maybe this hadn’t been such a great idea after all. Maybe Jaehyun had changed his mind. About them, about him. What if Jaehyun had decided that a future with him might not be what he wants anymore?
The thought leaves a bitter taste in Doyoung’s mouth, and he swallows hard, struggling to hide his disappointment.
“I’m sorry if this isn’t what you want,” Doyoung says, hating how weak he sounds as the words leave his mouth. “I might have—maybe I was getting ahead of myself. I shouldn’t have done that.”
Jaehyun lips press into a tight line as he finally meets Doyoung’s gaze once more. “It’s not about that,” he says tersely. He breathes in sharply through his nose, looking like he’s battling some demons of his own.
“I just—” Jaehyun sighs. “You should have told me.”
“I’m telling you now,” Doyoung retorts petulantly.
Jaehyun rises to his feet, closing the distance between them. Doyoung has half a mind to be petty and pull away, but decides against it when Jaehyun reaches for his wrists. His insecurities crumble away as Jaehyun wordlessly sets the paper bag aside and presses a soft kiss to the inside of his wrist.
“I don’t want you to feel like you owe me,” Jaehyun admits in a pained whisper. “I want you to put yourself first.”
Doyoung blinks rapidly, overcome by a sudden wave of emotions.
“I am,” he insists. He gently tugs his hands out of Jaehyun’s hold and pulls his alpha into an embrace.
“I know you think I’m doing this for you, but it’s been two years, Jaehyun. What happened was awful,” Doyoung swallows hard, a lump forming in his throat as it always does when he thinks about it.
“But I guess it made me into an omega of sorts,” he jokes with a choked laugh. “Please trust me when I say I want this more than anything," he says seriously.
“I trust you, Doie,” Jaehyun murmurs before he falls silent again, but he doesn’t have to speak for Doyoung to know that his alpha needs some time to pull himself together.
He doesn’t say anything of the sorrow that fills the air, just holds him tightly like he’d never let go.